Author Fangirling: Thank you all so much for reading and for all your reviews! This is the last chapter, sorry for it being so short-I hope the ending is as satisfying for you all as it is for me. It's been really fun writing 1stPOV Nuriko and seeing how far I might be able to stretch canon, and maybe I'll get more muse back. Happy reading!

After I calmed down, I wondered if I could wait until dark to slip in unnoticed, or if they'd notice I was gone and send a search party for me. Or even worse, what if they would see Houki crying in my bedroom and start to wonder if I had done anything indecent to her? I couldn't just leave her in a situation like that no matter how mad I was at her. Oh, but to go back looking like this, they'd wonder if I were the one who was attacked. What to do, what to do indeed. This would be a really nice time for someone like Miaka to come running by and do something to break up a moment. But Miaka wasn't there, and I would have to recompose myself before she would be. I couldn't have her seeing a Suzaku warrior in shambles, now could I?

Well, as long as no one important saw me, it would be alright. I was at the bottom of the hill which led up to the harem quarters, and if I could just get one of my old servant's attention and have her bring things to tidy me back up, I could slip back to the imperial residence more easily. It was going to get dark soon anyway.

At the top of the hill I found Houki. It looked like she had been waiting for me, right in the spot where we used to have picnics together. My first impulse was to save my dignity and turn my flushed face away, but I was a wreck as it was, so it wasn't really worth trying to cover up once she had easy sight of me anyway. "How did you know I was here?"

"You were easy to hear."

"Oh. Lovely," I sighed. "Would you mind helping fix me up a bit, then?"

"Of course."

It seemed like she was already prepared, and gave me a cloth to wipe my face with as she combed my hair. I was still sniffling a bit.

"It's nothing fancy, I hope you don't mind," she said as she draped a braid over my shoulder.

I fingered it a bit and shrugged as I let it fall back against me. "It stays tidy, I guess." I didn't want to turn to face her yet. I looked so unattractive and weak at that moment.

She was the one to be assertive again, sending me a physical message. My face flinched when I felt her forehead rest against my shoulder softly, and her breath warm against my back. "I'm sorry."

"You should be."

We were quiet a bit longer. It was nice, I'll admit—just the two of us in our spot. In the past, we hasn't even sat this close. Here we were with me supporting her weight, her body shielding my back from the chill of evening. Also unlike the past, not a word between us. I was well aware that it might have been one of our last moments together, so I peered over my shoulder at her. Her eyes were closed against me, and the scent of perfume lingered in her hair. The curves of her cheeks and lips-how could have I ever had my features compared to hers? Houki's grace is real, and I can only admire it.

She was beautiful. I wanted to hold her.

But that wouldn't do. That wouldn't do at all.

"Come on, now, sit up, Houki," I turned and pushed her up by her shoulders. "I'm sorry, too."

"For what?"

"If you don't know, then you don't need to know," I smiled, relieved that she didn't seem upset with me for scaring her before. What I really meant to apologize for was suddenly feeling like a man around her—something I might not have been able to do since I was a child, and the feeling made me nervous.

Just as much as it made me nervous it made me feel preemptively disappointed. I could try to keep Houki to myself, but I know that Houki wouldn't love me, even if she'd try to love me in that way. I can't give her such an inkling. As much as I want affection, I'd rather see her happy, and I'm not to one who can complete her. Perhaps what I'm most afraid of is ruining the connection we already have. Even that, I feel, is slipping.

"Oh look, you can see the stars," she looked up. "Which ones are yours?"

"Oh, I don't know any of that. Miaka's the priestess, though, she should know. I'll ask her when she gets back. Well, never mind, she never seems to know much of anything."

Houki giggled. "Weren't you saying something before about finding a new romance on your adventures?"

"What are you suggesting?" I glared.

"Nothing at all," she lied through a smile. "Still, even though you've gotten to be so close with His Majesty lately, it feels to me as if you're really giving up on him."

"Well, not that I'd want to show that on the outside. It keeps others away from him, if you know what I mean."

"Does it make you sad?"

"…Yes. I really love him, you know."

"I know."

Houki doesn't even seem like she cares about him sometimes—like she worries more about me instead. It's only natural, I guess. She knows me, and has only gotten a glimpse and gossip of His Majesty. Of course she wasn't willing to push a meeting; I was only doing that for my own satisfaction. He wouldn't even pay any attention her at this point anyway—he's not ready for love while he's worried about Miaka. It would be my selfish way of caring.

All I want is to put everyone I love together. I want to salvage my connection with Houki, and I want to keep growing in this connection I've found with His Majesty. And with Tamahome, and Miaka, and... if I could put them, and Kourin and Rokou in this palace with me and just put a stop to this war, and just watch everyone, and see everyone smile, that would be enough for me. Even that is too selfish of me. If not to contain them, then what is my strength good for? How much will they have to face outside of these walls? How much hurt will come to them?

"You know, Houki, I—"

Her eyes caught mine. "Yes?"

"I'm really scared. You know, about this whole responsibility thing. Am I even mature enough for that yet?"

"Well," she smiled as comfortingly as she could, "you did cry today. That must be a step towards something."

"Something? Who knows what that would be," I let out a laugh, and then a sigh. "Maybe Miaka hasn't come back yet because we're not ready for her. Anyway, I guess I'm more or less ready to head back."

She put a cloak on me that she had prepared already, and we faced each other again before I left, her hands in mine, me swinging them a bit as usual. Usual, just as we should be. "You know, you're still welcome to wander around down by my room if you feel like it. You know who else has a room near there, too."

"How scandalous," she laughed.

"What? You, in a scandal? It's all about me down there, you know that!"

"Of course, of course, the emperor's gay company!" We laughed together, and I had an impish whim to give her a kiss on the forehead before I left—but that was something I still didn't dare to do, and certainly wasn't going to ever let myself get drunk enough to have the chance to do.

The night air was refreshing on the way back, and by the time reached the sprawling courtyards of the main palace, I could see even more stars. "Miaka," I said aloud as I looked up at them, "Are you almost ready to come back yet or what? I feel like it's about time I get out of here."

Who was she with right now, anyway? I felt like I should know. She must have had people there who were important to her too, people she could stand being away from Tamahome for.

Soon after, we received word from another spy.

"The Priestess," His Majesty repeated, "of Seiryuu?"

"Yes. It seems she may have appeared to them and resides in the Kutou capital."

Immediately, the officials started discussing how unusual it was for another priestess to have appeared so soon, and to express their worry for where ours had gone off to. I felt intrigued more than anything—another girl from Miaka's world? What would she be like? Just as gluttonous and lovesick?

Of course! I had heard about another girl from Miaka's world! I could remember her telling me about her best friend. It was back right before she left, while giving Tamahome and His Majesty a chance to recover after they had given her their blood.

"You know, Nuriko, while I was dying, I could hear my best friend talking to me."

"What? From here? Was it just your imagination?"

"Who knows, maybe it might have been," she had laughed at herself. "I really, really want to go back and see her after all."

And she proceeded to gush about how sweet that girl was, and how smart, and how feminine. "Oooh, Miaka," I had teased. "Do you happen to swing that way too?"

"No!" she flushed bright red. "It's not like that! But… but sometimes when I'm around her, or when I think about her, I still get those flighty feelings… or something?"

"Or… something?"

"Not like that or anything, just that I think she's so amazing and I care about her so much. I admire her and… and… look at me, turning all red like this! I never wanted to tell her I had a girl-crush on her because I didn't want her to feel weird about it!"

"A girl crush…?"

"You know, it's like when… well… never mind. You're not a girl, you wouldn't get it."

Well, for her information—I think I finally do!

I laughed out loud to myself at how silly I was. So what if I cared about Houki and she made me feel nervous? It's only because of how wonderful I think she is. The same goes for His Highness! Maybe I'm not even gay after all!

"Master Nuriko? This is no laughing matter, this is a threat to our country that we are talking about…"

His Majesty and the officials were all staring at me. I had been laughing fairly loud, hadn't I? "Oh? Oho—perhaps I wasn't listening very closely, oh ho ho ho ho…"

What is real love, anyway? I don't know, and maybe I haven't known since I was child. That really doesn't bother me right now.

How strange to think that someone like Miaka could have taught me this. Maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to find that other person I've been missing for so long. Someone I haven't been in so long. Someone who can protect people he cares about and who knows love.

Are you listening, Miaka? We're ready for you now.