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No Thanks Necessary

Part Four

September - Jasper's POV

A month passed since I had seen my little angel. Time seemed against me and the possibility of ever seeing her again. Time was relative to me, but even a moment seemed like an eternity without her; I prepared myself, every moment, for the real possibility of coming to fruition. The small sliver of hope that resided somewhere in my darkened heart, however, refused to be outshined and held out hope that maybe I would, again.

That night (which now seemed like almost a lifetime ago) after contemplating my next move and losing her scent that was washed away by the wind, I returned to Peter and Charlotte's. They hadn't returned from their own excursions and for that I had been thankful.

I had sat on the couch, dejectedly, and turned on the news. I figured they would have a story on her and her family, but I was wrong. I could never figure out why they didn't have a piece on the news. I thought that I would be able to learn her last name and be able to keep track of her. I wanted to make sure that she would be well taken care of and nothing bad would happen to her.

I watched for two weeks, before finally giving up hope. I went and visited, what I had come to think of as our spot, regularly, to remember my promise to her. I hunted twice a day and would return at night to look at the stars and remember. If I didn't have an infallible memory, I would have thought it never happened. But I knew she was as real as the promise I had made to her.

After two more weeks had passed I knew it was time for me to leave Charlotte and Peter's place. I just needed the time to prepare myself mentally and physically for what I had to do. I wanted to build up my strength and my will. My thoughts wandered back to that night after my time with Bella. I had kept part of my promise and contacted Esme and Carlisle.

...

End of August (A month previous)

That night, my entire life seemed to have changed because of a little angel. I had lived for a long time, and I still didn't understand the secrets to this life. However, I did understand my promise and decided to call Esme and Carlisle, it was long overdue. I called the house, praying that Alice wouldn't answer the phone. I knew for sure I wasn't ready to talk to her yet. Luck was on my side because the very person I wanted to talk to answered.

"Hello," she said, her voice sounded strained. I immediately became sad. I recalled what Bella had said about Esme and how lucky I was to have her in my life.

"I love you," I whispered on the phone, not really realizing the truth of it until that moment.

Esme recognized my voice straight away and started weeping. Even though tears would never leak from her eyes as they had from Bella's, they were no less real.

"Jasper, darling, I love you too. I'm so sorry you have to go through this pain right now. If I could take this from you I would. You have no idea how good it is to hear from you. Carlisle and I have been so worried about you. I cannot even imagine what you have been going through, and you have been in my reflections constantly. I talked to Charlotte, darling, and she said you have been so depressed, not really hunting. You know you need to take care of yourself, darling. If I were there . . ." she exclaimed all of this in one breath.

I knew she was just making up for the last three weeks. She was worried and I could hear the love in her voice for me. I could hear Carlisle in the background, asking if he could also talk to me.

"Mom," I said like a little child, feeling my heart heavy, "I'm sorry for the way I have treated you through this. Just because I was going through my personal pain, gave me no reason to treat you in the manner I did. I apologize for my horrid behavior to you. I want you to know that I am thankful for all you have done for me. From the first time you met me, you have given me nothing but your love and support. Even when I slipped, you loved me unconditionally. I know I don't deserve your love, but I thank you for it anyway."

"There is no reason to thank me for my love, you are my son and always have been. I love you, Jasper, and want nothing but happiness for your life. I hate to see you hurting right now and I know there is nothing I can do, but give you my love and reassurance that there will be happier times. Maybe not now or in the immediate future, but there will be those times, darling. If I have to go to you and make those happy moments myself, then I shall do just that." Her voice through soft, broke no argument.

I couldn't help but laugh. I knew Esme would do just that. She would do anything for her children.

"I know you would, Esme, and I love you all the more for it. Thanks for everything. And I am sorry for the way I have treated you, not just now but for always. I held myself back from the family, always on the rim of everything. All you wanted to do was love me. I never made it easy, hmm? I know how much you love us Esme and I just made it more difficult. Yet, you still do and I am so thankful to have your support." There was a gentle silence as she hiccupped through her silent sobs.

"I already told you, Jasper, no thanks necessary. It is my right as your mother to love you. There is nothing you could do that would ever take my love. I may not be happy with some of the decisions you make, and I may not understand some, but I will always support you as best as I can, darling."

Her truths were and instant happiness to my soul. It was apparent to me that I would need her and Carlisle help's in the future. I also instinctively knew that I had it, no matter what mistakes I made.

"Thanks, Esme. May I please speak with Carlisle? I also owe him an apology."

"We are both on the phone, son, and you don't own me anything." I was surprised to hear him so quickly. I knew they had more than one phone in the house, but I guess he couldn't wait to hear my voice just like Esme had. It was also wonderful to hear him.

"Father," my voice broke, embarrassingly, "I'm sorry for being such a terrible son. I'm sorry for the way I have treated you. I'm sorry for taking you and everything you offered me for granted. I'm sorry for all of the worry and pain I have caused you over the years, and I'm just sorry for everything."

I became choked up. I had taken Carlisle for granted. He was the leader of our family and guided us with compassion and love. I knew if anything had happened tonight with little Bella, he would have forgiven me. I had used that in part of my reasoning to justify killing her and I was just sickened with myself. I used his compassion and his forgiveness against him for my own selfish purposes. I would probably never tell him about Bella, because it was such a personal and enlightening moment, but in my own way, I was also apologizing for that sin. I needed his forgiveness.

And just like with everything I sought from Carlisle, he delivered.

"Son, you have my forgiveness in everything you have done or think you have done. I know the sacrifices you have made, Jasper, and I commend you on that success. I know of the pain and heartache you have felt and I have felt those with you. I would take you in my arms and hug you, son, if you were here, but always know that I love you. Never doubt that I would forgive you. It might take me a while in some cases, but I will always forgive you. It took me but a second to love you, and I have never wavered in that and neither has your mother. We love every part of you, till eternity. Do you hear me, Jasper?"

I heard him loud and clear.

"Yes, sir, I heard you. I know that I don't do everything perfectly and probably never will, but I know that I am thankful for parents and mentors like you in my life. You are my shining example, both of you."

"Good, son, I'm glad you comprehend me."

"So when are you coming home?" And just like, Esme came right to the point. She always wanted her family near, lavishing us with love.

"I would love to come home, Esme, but I am going to need some time." It pained me to say it, but the truth needed to be stated. "I am also going to need your help, both of you. It is one of the reasons I called, but the biggest reason I called was to tell you I love you and to apologize for being such an asshole."

"Language, dear, and you know Carlisle and I will help you in any way we can. All you have to do is ask." Carlisle laughed at Esme's reprimand of my language.

"What can we do for you, son?"

"Well, you know I have always had a problem with my control. It has been the main struggle in my life, the biggest battle in my life. Even struggling with my depression after I left that bitch Maria, sorry Esme, but that is exactly what she is, hasn't been as hard as this. Last night I had somewhat of an epiphany, if you will, and realized it was time for me to start taking a proactive role in my responsibilities." I took and breathe before continuing.

"I have relied too much on others to help me with this, and I have realized, with the help of some else, that I need to do this on my own. I need to have the strength and the foresight to fight this problem, once and for all. I have to do this on my own, but I would like your encouragement and advice along the way."

"Of course, darling, you have it. Anytime you need to call, we'll be here. You can call this phone number, and I will make sure no one else answers it, except your father and me; don't worry."

I knew I could always count on her. Esme was always the first in line to help, even before Carlisle, and that was only because she was the first to speak.

"We will help you in any way possible, and if you ever need us to come and stay with you all you have to do is ask son, day or night and even when I'm working. The only time you won't be able to get a hold of me is probably when I am in surgery, but if you need me to come, I will. Family comes first above anything else." I had no words to describe Carlisle love and dedication he had for his family. I knew I would always be thankful to Alice for bringing me to the Cullen's.

"Thank you both from the bottom of my heart. I was thinking that I could call you during the week and update you on my progress. You could just listen to me and give me the encouragement and love you always do. I was also thinking that you could help me make sure my plan is okay and if you think I should make any adjustments. I know that if I need you there in person all I have to do is ask, but I also know that I can do it alone at first. I have to try without a crutch, or else I will always be depending on others instead of myself and I will never be able to turn this weakness into strength."

"You are amazing, Jasper; this insight you have, is amazing. I already know you have the strength my, son, now all you have to do now is apply it. It will be hard for you in the beginning, I won't lie to you, but I know you can accomplish it. I have every faith that you will succeed in this goal. It may not happen right away, Jasper, and without heart ache, but you will do it. You remember that I love you no matter what. I need you to remember that for me and your mother." I could feel a sense of foreboding, but shook it off. There was always fear in the unknown.

"I won't, and I thank you for helping me. You may get sick of hearing from me." I joked, but Esme wasn't having it.

"I will never get sick of hearing from you . . ." She almost sounded scandalized. Esme was interrupted by Carlisle.

"I think he was just joking, dear."

"I don't give a damn. I love you, Jasper, and I will always want to hear from you. I don't care if you feel the need to talk to me constantly for a week straight. If that is what it will take for you to get through this, than that is what the hell we'll do, you understand, Jasper?" She demanded.

She was so funny when she cursed. Esme only did it when she was really mad and never realized it. Of course we never pointed it out to her because none of us wanted to incur that anger. Even Emmett was smart enough to realize it.

"I'm sorry, Esme, it was a lame attempt at a joke at an improper time. I know you would do anything for me and I apologize for making light of it."

"It's okay, darling. I just want you to realize nothing is a sacrifice to help you. Nothing is more important than my family."

"So, what's your plan?" Carlisle asked.

"My plan is quite simple. I will hunt twice a day to make sure I am properly feed. I will move to a small town so I am not overwhelmed, and work my way up to bigger cities as I become more acclimated at controlling my thirst. I figure I will start out by spending about two hours in human's presence, outdoors, so the smell of their blood isn't too intense. When I become more accustomed, I will increase my time in two hour increments. After that is accomplished, I will move to indoor places and work my way up again until I can be in their presence, with minimum burn in my throat. My ultimate goal is to be able to hunt once a week and live in a big city. I know this is a very ambitious goal, but with hard work and dedication, I think I would be able to accomplish it."

"That is a wonderful goal, darling. If you work hard and keep at it, I know you will be fine. I'm not saying you will never have any hardships, but I know you can accomplish it. I have no doubt in my mind. Your plan is pretty sound. I can't find any fault with it."

"I would agree, Jasper. I have no doubts. We will help in any way we can. I do have one suggestion. Make sure you live in a location that is very close to a forest. Try and find a house, at least in the beginning, that backs up to the forest. It would be nice for you to have instant access in case you feel you need it. Other than that, all is fine. I cannot wait to see you accomplish your goal. I am proud of all you have accomplished now, but I will extra proud of you when you accomplish your ultimate goal."I loved that Carlisle said "when" not "if". He always believed in me and my strength.

"That's about it. Thank you, guys, for your continued support and love. I will probably call you in a couple of days to let you know where I plan on settling. I still have my credit card and I am going to rent a house for now."

"All right, darling, take care. I already miss you. I love you, Jasper!" Esme was always so full of Adoration.

"I also love you, son, and make sure you keep us updated. I look forward to hearing from you in a couple of days. If you need anything, remember all you –"

". . . have to do is ask," I finished for him. They both laughed.

After I got off the phone, Peter had to ruin my buzz.

"You lucky, little fucker, If you would have treated me like that I would have kicked your ass to the curb," he joked, but there was a seriousness to his voice.

"Fuck you, Petey. I guess that is why you are not my mommy or daddy, but my bitch." Esme would have gone through the roof if she heard my language.

"No thank you, I have Char for that and don't need your sorry ass."

He was in for it now. I could feel her anger and it wasn't going to be pretty.

And 3…2…1

"What the fuck does that mean, Peter? What the hell am I to you, a booty call?"

"I didn't mean anything by it, baby, and no you just aren't a booty call." I have no idea where she learned that phrase.

"You talk about me like I am just here for your fucking needs. Well let's just see how long you can go without, since I'm not here just for you to fuck me!" Charlotte yelled.

I was laughing up a storm on the inside. At least I wouldn't be the only one not getting any. Charlotte turned around and left the room.

"You will pay for this, fucker. I know it's your fault. I will get you back; just wait and see, bitch." Just as Peter was about to turn around, Char came back into the room. Round two.

"It's not Jasper's fault you can't respect your wife, or at least keep your damn mouth closed. He didn't make you say that shit, it was all Peter, and you will get the reward, 'bitch'!"

She turned around and left again, and this time Peter followed, but not without giving me the "finger". I decided to make him pay a little more, just because of the principle of it.

"Peter, man, there is no reason to flip me the bird."

"Peter, you just added another week to your sentence and you know I can go that long."

"But, baby, Jasper –" He never got to finish.

"Want to finish that sentence and make if four?"

"No, Charlotte. Three weeks is enough for me to learn my lesson." She smiled and left for good.

Peter didn't say anything. He just sat down and stared holes into the wall. I knew it was time for me to leave. It was a good thing I didn't sleep; otherwise, I would have been murdered in the middle of the night.

I got on the internet and looked for locations to move to. Esme, Carlisle and the family were in Northern Michigan on the shore of Lake Superior. I wanted to be close but not too close. I also knew they would be moving in a couple of years, so I decided to move to New York, in a small town up near the Adirondacks. It had plenty of wildlife and I found a house for rent that had five acres and backed right up to the State Park. I knew it was going to be the perfect location for me to start a new.

Author's Notes: I know it may seem like an awkward place to stop, but it was for the best. I wanted to bring in Esme and Carlisle, and this chapter accomplished that. If you are confused or have any questions, please feel free to ask. Thanks for all of you who took the time to read my little story.

I also wanted to first thank all of those who added me to their alerts and favorites. I am humbled and feel very gratified. My heart always swells when I see them in my email. I wanted to give an extra thanks to those who went the extra mile and left me a review. They are like food for the soul and I loved each and everyone.

If you feel so inclined to review, please do so. I love to read all of your thoughts or even a one word response like "good" or "bad". It is nothing to sneeze at because it still lets me know what you thought. Much love!

Posted: 3 May 2010

Edited: 15 May 2011