Gibbs dragged himself out of bed and headed downstairs to make coffee. He passed the basement door, then remembered his dream. He opened the door, from the light coming in from the hall; he could see the railing was still broken. Gibbs shivered involuntarily and closed the door. He headed for the kitchen.

Gibbs was sipping his coffee when the phone rang. He answered on the second ring. "Gibbs."

"Well, you don't sound sick." Jenny stated.

"I didn't say I was. I told you I wanted leave." Gibbs said, sitting his coffee cup on the counter and gearing up for a fight.

"Yes, Agent Gibbs…" Gibbs could hear Jenny shuffling papers and could imagine her sitting at her desk reading his file. He prepared to retaliate. "…I see you have about 6 months-time accumulated. Do you plan to use it all?" Jenny asked.

"I don't know, Director." Gibbs said, his voice with an edge. "We'll see."

What Jenny said next threw him. "He needs you, Jethro. Tony needs you. And you need him." Jenny paused. "I'm sensing a dark mood here. I've seen you in moods before, Jethro. But this one scares me. You look so…haunted and…and lost."

"Jenny, I…."Gibbs was shocked. He thought he had hidden it well.

Jenny continued as if she had never been interrupted. "You need to talk to someone." Jenny paused. "In the meantime, you are to leave your service weapon at NCIS, in my hands."

"Jenny…." Jethro was mildly surprised.

"You're scarring me, Jethro. I'm scared for you."

"I'm not going to hurt myself." Gibbs stated without emotion.

"I want your gun in my desk. You can have it back when your leave is up." Jenny said, surprised she was not yet deaf from Jethro's yelling at her on the other end.

"When do you want it?" Gibbs asked, resigned.

"Uh…" Jenny stammered, not expecting that response. "…today, by…" She looked at her watch. "…11 a.m. See you then."

"Yeah, 11 a.m., not a problem." Gibbs said, then hung up the phone. Gibbs was actually early. He was there by 10:45 a.m. But then, Gibbs was always punctual.

Jenny was sitting at her desk when Gibbs entered. He took out his weapon, removed the clip and laid both on the desk. Jenny looked at the dismantled weapon. Then she looked at Gibbs. "Jethro, I…."

"I know, Jenny." Gibbs paused. "I understand."

"Since when are YOU so understanding?"

"It was my fault, Jenny." Gibbs said, his voice shaking, near tears.

Jenny got up and moved around the desk, towards Gibbs. She hesitated for a moment before she put her arms around him. "You would never intentionally hurt Tony. I don't believe that." Jenny stepped back to look at Gibbs. She wiped a tear from his cheek.

"We were arguing. It got physical. He fell back against the railing. I pushed him, either way, the railing broke and he ended up with a fractured skull and crushed vertebrae on MY floor." Gibbs had moved away from Jenny now and was angrily pacing in front of Jenny's desk.

Jenny stood back, leaning against her desk with her arms crossed. "Are you finished?"

Gibbs glared. "Yes, I'm finished."

"It's not your fault."

"Really?" Gibbs started pacing again. "Really, well, you tell him that while he's enduring painful physical therapy! Tell him that if he ends up paralyzed! Comfort yourself with that if he turns out to be a vegetable, if he's mentally retarded, if he never remembers who he is or who you are! Tell him that when he's lost his sight and needs a seeing-eye dog or a cane to take a piss!" Gibbs paused long enough to catch her breath. "I'm sure he will find it of great comfort! 'It wasn't Gibbs' fault.'" Gibbs added sarcastically before collapsing into one of Jenny's chairs.

Jenny just looked at him, dumbfounded.

Gibbs sat for a few moments in the silence calming himself. He again wiped the ears from his eyes. "I had a lot of time on my hands sitting at Tony's bedside. I read up on the results of skull fracture and crushed vertebrae injuries. He could have all the things I mentioned, or he could have any combination of the things I mentioned to any degree."

"He could be the 'same old Tony.'" Jenny stated.

"There is a less than 2% chance." Gibbs stated from the research he had read.

"Then there's still a chance." Jenny said, and smiled a little.

"Yeah." Gibbs sighed and stood up. "Maybe you do need to keep that." Gibbs stated, referring to the gun. He then left Jenny's office.

Jenny picked up the gun and slid it into her desk and locked the drawer. Jenny's conversation with Jethro had done nothing to lessen her fears about his mental state.

Gibbs was notably absent from the hospital. But he kept himself busy. He had the railing repaired. He had decided to sell his house, so between his real estate agent, potential buyers, and open houses he had little time to think, to dwell on things.

Gibbs had found another house on the same street, the same size 5 houses down from his. It had a big basement too, though somehow he doubted he would be using it for boat building. Gibbs could not move in for another 3 months. He had not found a buyer for his house yet, but there were 2 interested clients. So he had hoped it would be soon. But for the time being he busied himself with packing.

Gibbs found that the packing was painful. He didn't realize he still had so many of Shannon's clothes and Kelly's toys stored in the attic. He barely remembered packing it all up and putting it up there, saying he would sort it all out later. It was now 15 years later and "later" still had not come.

Gibbs pulled all Shannon's and Kelly's things out and put them in the living room. He stood staring at them, reliving the good memories and the painful ones. He then boxed the items back up and donated them to Goodwill. The entire process took about 2 weeks. Gibbs went though each item, touching it, holding it, and sometimes even crying with it clutched to his chest.

Gibbs was kept well informed of Tony's progress by Ducky and Abby. The team could, in some ways, understand Gibbs' feelings of guilt. They could not, however, excuse his absence. They told Tony the truth when he asked about Gibbs, which was starting to be about every day.