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Promise I'm Here
Part Fourteen
8 September – Jasper's POV
I completely stopped when I smelled the scent of freesia. My world paused and the only thing that mattered was her smell filling my lungs, my dead body. I inhaled deeply, trying to convince myself that the moment was real, not some alternate universe where time was cruel and meant to taunt me. My little angel was near; the only thing I could process was I had to be near her.
I quickly walked down the hall to where her scent was mainly concentrated and took another deep breath. Her scent was now almost tangible to me, like I could reach out and touch it. My longing to be near her intensified as I slowly opened her door and looked in. And there she was – the little one –my angel . . . Bella.
No matter how many times I played the reality out in my mind, it just couldn't be true. It had been eight years since I'd seen Bella. Watching her sleeping in her bed, she looked peaceful, like nothing bad in the world could ever touch her. She was curled up on her side and the blanket was pulled up to the bottom of her chin. Her eyes were closed tight; a slight smile graced her face. She resembled a small child curled up on the couch, taking a nap. Bella was even more beautiful than when she was younger. She had always been striking with her long, overflowing brown hair and deep gazing cinnamon eyes. Time had been gracious to her. Bella's beauty was timeless, and no matter what age she reached, she would always be beautiful.
My mind continued to spin at the sight of her. When I started my rounds, I had never imagined that my little angel would be here. I never knew when I would see Bella again. Over the past eight years, she had been on my mind, never leaving for more than a day. Whether in the deep recess of my mind or in the forefront of my thoughts, she was there. I always wished for her a happy and fulfilled life, never wanting her to feel the pains and ugliness the world had to offer.
The last time I saw Bella at the airport, I had sensed some of her innocence about the world around her was gone. She had experienced some tragedy that took away some of the rose tint from her glasses, leaving behind in its wake a new understanding and hard concept she had to learn. I was a realist and understood people had to experience things both positive and negative in order to grow as a person. However, that never stopped me from wishing my little angel all the splendor the world had to offer.
I pulled from my thoughts and found the courage to step into her room. I breathed in deeply. Immediately the smell of freesia and spring time filled my nose. The nostalgia of being somewhere I belonged started to flood inside me. I always knew no matter the place, time, or how long in between seeing her, my link with the little angel survived. Even if at times it seemed dormant, it was still there, waiting for the time it could come out of obscurity.
I closed my eyes and simply basked in the smell that had changed me so long ago. My breathing became deep, and my mind centered on everything that was Bella, forgetting the mundane around me. I opened my eyes and blinked several times, making sure this was real and not some damn daydream that I was partaking in. When I was positive my mind had not gone off the deep end, yet again, I moved closer to her bed. When the little angel was around, she became center stage and everything else faded into the background. There was no explanation as to why it happened. She was just that kind of person that one could lose themselves in, never desiring to be found.
I moved the end of her bed and saw her file hanging from the end and on the cover were the words, Isabella Swan. For the first time since I had met her, I knew her last name. It was fitting.
A noise caught my attention. Bella started to shift lightly in her bed. Her emotions were becoming anxious; I wondered what was going on in her mind and what dreams were filling her subconscious. Her eyelids were moving rapidly and her breathing was becoming shallow.
During my private monologue, I had forgotten the reason that I was here. I snapped out of my mind and came back to the present; I was in the hospital and in Bella's room. Bella was actually here and I was not in the land of make-believe. My mind kept replaying these words, willing it into my person, making me believe the message my mind was trying to convey. When I seemed to finally comprehend my surroundings, I realized my feet were bringing me closer to her sleeping figure.
Was I ready for this? After all these years of separation, was I ready to meet the adult Bella? Did I want to learn about the person she had become? Was I ready to learn about her life and all she had accomplished in her twenty-two years? Was I ready to replace her imagine in my head of all that I had built Bella up to be with the real her? Was I ready to let go of the little angel that had captured me so fully, finally allowing me to live my life free of my bloodlust? And most importantly, was I ready to learn the reason why she was laying five feet away from me, sleeping in a hospital bed?
All of these questions assaulted my mind. Doubt and fear assaulted me. No matter what I seemed to be thinking, however, my feet had a life of their own, and they were bringing me even closer to her.
I wondered what Bella would think. Would she be afraid of me? Would she be angry at me for not making more of an effort the last time I saw her? Would she recognize me and know who I was? Would she wish me far away from her? Would she want me to know what she had seen in her life and why she was here? These were questions that only the little angel could answer. They scared me shitless.
I finally noticed my feet had stopped moving. This moment was surreal, like a dream one has over and over, but never living the dream awake. I looked down at Bella and noticed how agitated she appeared. She seemed to be fighting something in her sleep, trying to get to something that wasn't in her reach. Her determination was strong, even for someone who wasn't cognizant. I wanted to wake her, but I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do, I didn't want to scare her.
Now that I was this close to her, I could see she still lived up to her name. Her hair was still that deep mahogany color with chestnut highlights scattered within. Her hair was long and fanned the length of the pillow, down to the middle of her back. It was thick and I wondered if stuck my hand in it, would it disappear. Her forehead had little lines that were pinched because of her anxiety. Her eye brows were drawn tightly together.
Her almond shaped, doe-eyes were scrunched together. Her thick, black lashes were kissing her beautiful cheekbones as they fluttered over her skin. There were tinges of pink on the apples of her cheeks, and her small pert nose held the slight upturn from her youth. Her full bottom lip was sticking out, forming a cute little pout. Her heart shaped face was the picture of grace and timeless splendor.
Bella's skin was stretched tightly over her bones; the roundness of her youth was long gone. Her skin was still fair, as if it was never touched by the sun's rays. I couldn't see the rest of her because of the blanket, but I didn't doubt the rest was just as beautiful.
Even though Bella was beautiful, I could tell there was something wrong. Her face and neck were too pale, as if she hadn't been outside in months. Her hair had tangles from lack of brushing, and her cheeks were somewhat sunken in like she had lost a fair amount of weight.
My worry for her started to increase. My own concern and unease were becoming stronger as the minutes passed. I wanted to know what she was going through and what I could do to make it better. I wasn't sure how long I stood there, and I really didn't care, my focus was on the person sleeping before me. My fingers were begging me to touch her, to feel the warmth that only her skin could provide. My soul was crying for me to protect her, to make everything in her life better. This was an irrational thought, but my soul told my rationality to go to hell, because where Bella was concerned, noting was impossible.
"Jasper, please." Bella's whimper broke through my internal monologue.
My whole body awoke at the sound of her voice. Her tone had lost some of its high pitch from youth and became a little deeper. She no longer sounded like the little girl that was in my head, but a woman who was hurt and feeling pain. I inhaled deeply from my surprise and could smell she was anemic. Her lack of iron and vitamin D were really insufficient, and in the short amount of time I had been with her, my heart broke. Her call for me was only more heart wrenching, because I knew it was something she did when she was scared or suffering.
I tentatively touched Bella's cheek, my hand flared with heat from within as if I had some internal heater that was turned on full blast. I pulled my hand back like I had been burnt. Bella groaned in her sleep.
Did she know I was here? Was she groaning because of the loss of contact with my skin? I could feel her apprehension, but I didn't know what it was attributed to. Did my little angel realize I was really here or was she just calling for me to help her because it was habit? I wasn't sure what to do; I wanted to caress her flushed cheeks and untangle her magnificent hair, but was I ready to face her awake? Was I ready to look into her soul searching eyes and see the pain that would be reflected in them? I took a couple of deeps breaths, trying to stabilize my ever-changing mood. I opened my eyes and allowed providence to take control.
My fingers found their way to Bella's hair, and I gently started to work out some of the smaller tangles that were in her bangs. I moved closer to her and ever so slightly sat down on her bed; my other hand rest on the apple of her cheek that was not pressed into her pillow. Bella lifted her face, bringing it closer to the hand that was caressing her pink skin. A slight smile formed on her lips. I could feel the hot air that she exhaled in her sigh.
Her feelings of restlessness and agitation started to fade, being replaced with comfort and peace. My heart was overcome with love for this little one and happiness for the calmness I was able to provide her. Maybe she would be okay with me being here, and maybe destiny was ready for her to have a more permanent place in my life. I knew I was ready for her to wake. I wanted her to know I was here. With one silent prayer to the heavens above for strength and good luck, I leaned over Bella and spoke to her for the first time in eight years.
"Little angel, I'm here. I'm sorry it's taken me so long, but I promise I'm here," I whispered to her as I tucked hair behind her ear.
Bella shivered from my cool breath, her lashes started to flutter rapidly. I could feel her fighting to wake up. I could feel her determination to wake up from her world of dreams.
"Bella, open your eyes and you will see me. I'm here, little one," I pleaded. Her lashes were fanning her face erratically, struggling to open. When I opened my mouth to say something else, a tiny hand tenderly touched my cheek.
"Jasper," she rasped softly, "I knew it. I knew you would never leave me . . . you promised."
Her eyes were still fighting to open, but her smile was in full bloom. Her cheeks were filled with color from her excitement. Her heart started to beat a little faster, and the dregs of sleep that didn't want to release her were wearing off. I pinched her chin between my thumb and forefinger and raised her face up so she could look directly into my eyes.
After eight years of a drought from her murky eyes, I wanted to see them as soon as they opened. Bella granted my wish three seconds later. With one more thought of 'come what may', I opened my eyes and looked into the pools of brown with jade swirls that captured my soul ten years earlier. Bella's smile was contagious and I matched it with one of my own.
"Hi, phantom angel" she greeted; her eyes were fighting the brightness in the room. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and willed the venom away that tried to fill my eyes.
"Hey, little one, long time no see," I answered her lamely.
Bella laughed. She immediately started coughing because her throat was so parched. I turned around to get her some water from the pitcher that was on her table.
"Wait, don't leave!" she pleaded with me. My heart broke at the tone of her voice. I immediately wanted to reassure her, to put her at peace again.
"I'm just getting you some water, little one. I'm not leaving." Her cheeks flared with color before giving me a sheepish smile.
"Sorry."
"There's no need to apologize, angel," I said as I finished pouring her water. I turned around and held the cup out to her.
"Could you please help me up a little? I have a hard time moving these days." My anxiety at her condition became frantic. What the hell was wrong with her?
Hiding my fears from her, I placed my arm behind her back and gently lifted her into a sitting position. The blanket fell from her chest, down to her legs, and my eyes almost popped out of my head.
How the hell could I have been so stupid? I became so involved with Bella that everything else had just disappeared; that's how it was when I was in her presence. Now that I was finally listening clearly and not allowing anything else to distract me, I could hear the tiny little sound that overpowered Bella's.
A rhythmic lup-dub, lup-dub, lup-dub.
…
My mind completely shut down; the only thing that registered was the sound of the tiny heartbeat. It beat twice as fast as Bella's and seemed to be strong. I was at a complete loss for words; I didn't know what to fucking say or think. I couldn't believe that I hadn't even registered the sound of the amazing little heartbeat. My little angel was pregnant with her own little angel. My world was spinning and I thought I was going to pass out; something I never believed possible for my kind. I closed my eyes and tried to internalize the information. I allowed my mind to catch up with what my eyes and ears beheld.
My ego was taking a beating at the moment. I was a damn vampire. I was fast and had senses that rivaled all other creatures. My mind had the capacity to compute things at an alarming rate and could retain anything and everything. I went to medical school and lived for over a hundred and fifty years. I killed people and beat the shit out of other vampires. I was a fucking badass from the Southern Wars, and others cowered in my shadow.
Despite all those things, I was sitting next to the little angel, not realizing she was going to have a baby. I had an urge to go back to Yale and hand in my diploma; or at least have some of the staff fired for not being intelligent enough to teach me how to recognize a pregnant woman. Who the hell was I kidding; I was the dumbass who couldn't pay attention to his surroundings. As I started to settle down from kicking my ass, I could tell Bella was a little hysterical. I snapped out of my internal soliloquy. I picked my head up and gently smiled at her, trying to show that I was fine.
"Jasper, you scared the crap out of me. Why didn't you answer me? I was trying to get your attention for about five minutes!" Bella huffed out.
She lowered her hand from her heart. I didn't want to overwhelm her. I took her tiny hand in my and started to rub gentle circles on the back. My insides instantly heated and my skin prickled from her touch. I wondered if she could feel the coldness of my skin.
"Bella, could you relax for me please? I didn't mean to upset you. I was just lost in my thoughts. It's been so damn long since I've seen you. My mind is just coming to terms with the situation," I explained in a soothing voice. I didn't want her to know what a dumbass I was in not realizing she was pregnant. "Take a few breaths for me, little one."
Bella breathed in and out a few times, her heart rate started to decrease. Bella looked at my face and started to smile again. I could feel her elation and happiness.
"Jasper, thank you," she said as water crystals appeared in her eyes, "for coming. I just knew you would be here. From the first time you made your promise to me under the light of a full moon, I knew I could trust you. In times of my deepest despair, you have been there. Whether in my dreams or in person, you have kept your promise. You have given me peace and comfort that you will never comprehend. My life hasn't been the easiest, but your presence in my life as made it special. What more could I ask for." She tilted her head to the side and a tear slipped.
"You provided me with the strength and fortitude I needed. Your part of my soul has never left, but clung to me in my most trying of times. It's something I could never repay you for. Please, don't think I am this creepy person who had these creepy feelings. I know it may not make any sense to you, but I just had to thank you. I'm sorry," Bella finished, effectively hiding her face behind the curtain of her hair.
I was amazed at the things she confided in me. I knew those had been my thoughts and feelings toward her. Bella's light saw me through some of my toughest moments, but I never contemplated that my influence had such a profound effect on hers. I never allowed myself to indulge in those thoughts because of my past. That was dangerous territory, not to be messed with. I could feel her discomfort and embarrassment.
"Bella, there is no reason to apologize. What you just said to me is amazing."
She moved a little of her hair from her face, allowing me to see her incredible brown and jade eyes.
"Thank you for being so honest with me. If I recall, it was always one of your more entertaining qualities. Your honesty is refreshing and brings a peace to my life. No matter what you say, I know it is the truth. Sometimes my life is shrouded in shades of grey. I know this confuses you, but one day I will elaborate. Just know, angel, that I appreciate your honesty. Everything you said to me outlines your influence in my life also. I've had a tough road, but your beautiful light brought me out of the shadows of my troubles and into the sun. I could never repay you for the impact you made in my life. Even though I have had some hard times, your faith turned me around. I also had the most amazing mentor to guide me over my very troubled waters," I added thinking of Carlisle.
"The love of my family was also such an amazing gift in my life. But make no mistake, little one, it was your initial child-like faith in me that helped to set me on the course my life took, and I have been grateful for that experience from the start."
If not initially ashamed to almost taking your life . . . I added as in an afterthought in my head.
Bella was feeling awe at my words. I guess she never realized the impact she had made. I never thought she would. Even though she knew I was struggling with some things in my life, she never knew the extent of my problems. I didn't want to take any of her innocence she had in the world, or the good she saw in me. I guess that made me a coward, but I wouldn't change my decision.
"Wow, Jasper, that was beautiful," Bella whispered through her smile.
She placed her hands on her swollen stomach and rubbed small circles on the lower part of her abdomen. My eye sight went to her hands. I was flabbergasted again by the fact she was going to have a baby. I hadn't seen Bella since she was thirteen, and now she was twenty-two, expecting a child. I wanted to reach out and feel the little life in her stomach. While working in hospitals, I learned to love the miracle of life, the changing of a little egg into a full little person. It captured my fancy over the years and it never ceased to amaze me. I could feel the calming effect of her stroking her stomach. I stored it in the recessed of my mind.
"Damn, Bella, I can't believe you're pregnant," I blurted out, stupidly.
I felt like a dumb ass and wondered if I morphed into Emmett. How did he never feel any embarrassment at such horrible statements? Bella just laughed at my gaff and put me at ease. She was amazing.
"Yes, Jasper, I'm going to have a baby, thanks for pointing out the obvious," she joked. The snicker on her face made me want to blush.
"How did it happen?" Did my stupidity know no bounds?
"Well, Jasper . . . when a man and a woman love each other –" Bella said in between her laughs. She thought she was so cute (okay maybe she was, but not at my expense).
"Ha-ha, very funny, angel. What I meant to ask was how far along are you?"
"I'm about seven months. Can't you tell from the beach ball that is my stomach?" She smiled at me. I could already feel her incredible love for her child. Bella's love was complete and she hadn't even held her baby yet.
I couldn't believe I was going to admit this, but I felt she would see it as a complement. "To tell you the truth, I didn't even realize when I first saw you. When you were trying to pull me out of my stupor of thought earlier, I was internalizing the change in you. I was really taken aback." Bella smiled at me, and I could feel her gratefulness.
"Thanks for the pick-me-up. I swear I wasn't fishing for a complement."
"Sure, angel, women are never looking for a complement. And a pregnant woman is the most dangerous one of all. Beware of what you say or she may sit on you," I teased her.
"Hey!" Bella yelled while trying to put her hands on her hips to look fierce. She was too cute.
"Okay, okay, I give. You look stunning and so effervescent. Your radiance outshines the sun, and your translucent glow even makes the moon jealous."
Bella was speechless and tears started to gather in her eyes. What had I done now? I wanted to make her smile and my mouth was ruining everything.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry, angel!" I appealed to her. Bella just shook her head, trying to attempt to wipe her river of tears.
"No, Jasper, it's not your fault. My hormones are all over the place. If someone says something nice to me I turn into a leaking faucet. Don't pay attention to my waterworks. What you said was beautiful." I felt better, but I still hated to see her cry.
"No problem, Bella. The next time I need to wash my hands, I'll pay you a complement and stick them under your eyes. How does that sound?"
Bella wiped her tears and whispered 'smart ass' under her breath. I just chuckled and pretended not to hear her.
"Ha-ha, now who is the comedian?" At least my joke was funny, if not that original."
"Sure, Bella, whatever you say." I smirked at her.
"Do you need a time out? Do I need to put you into the hallway until you learn to be a good boy?" I raised my hands in surrender.
"I knew you were a smart guy. Never mess with a pregnant woman!" Bella said while pointing her finger at me.
I took her finger from the front of my face and placed a kiss on the tip. Bella blushed before smiling shyly at me. I didn't know what possessed me to do it, but her blush made me happy that I did. Her innocence was one of the most endearing things about her.
Bella cleared her throat and tucked her hair behind her ears. "So, Jasper, what are you doing in my room?" I was completely amazed when I woke up and found you here. I always knew you would come again, but I never knew when," she stated seriously.
I thought about what she said earlier about her dark times. I wondered why she would feel like she needed me now. Surely the father of her child was nearby. For some odd reason that thought made me want to cringe. I had no claims over Bella; she was just my little angel, making my world less dark.
"Well to be honest, I work here. This is where I am doing my internship. The first part of my training is here in the emergency room. I was making the last of my rounds when I realized you were here. When I came in, I was just as amazed as you were. All I could do was stare and try to keep myself from fainting."
"Wow, Jasper, to say I'm impressed would be an understatement. Congratulations, I'm so proud of you. 'I knew the force was strong with this one'!" Bella laughed at her own joke. I couldn't help but laugh with her. She bought so much happiness into all that was around her.
"I guess you were right, Jedi Master."
I winked at her, remembering her reaction from when she was younger, and obliviously not much had changed. Bella blushed before hiding her face behind the wall of her hands. I gently took her little hands in mine, removing them from her face. I could already feel the warmth from our bond. Bella gasped, I was easily lost in her dark mahogany eyes. I knew she could feel the connection between us and it also amazed her. Her cheeks became even more flushed; her jade green flecks appeared in her eyes. It was lovely to witness.
"I forgot what we were talking about," I honestly said. Bella continued to look as if I had stunned her.
"Bella, are you in there?" I smile at her innocent face. Bella shook her head, trying to remove the cobwebs that took over.
The expression on her face was one of beauty and simplicity. After all the years of separation, Bella had still retained some of her childhood purity. It was magnificent to witness.
"S-Sorry, Jasper, what were you saying before I lost my mind in the clouds?"
"I was explaining why I was here in your room, angel."
"Oh, yeah," she whispered, her cheeks became pink. "So . . . um . . . you're a doctor now?"
"Yes or something like that. My father is the real doctor, and I am just a pale imitation of what he is. His knowledge and experience can rival anyone I know. He is my constant example in my personal and professional life. Carlisle is beyond amazing and I know he would simply love you."
"How do you know that, Jasper? He hasn't even met me," Bella murmured, pointing out the obvious.
"I know that, Bella, because I love you. You are my friend. Anything that I love and cherish in my life is loved and cherished in my parents' life. They respect my decisions, and know that when I love, it is complete. I don't love easily, but when one meets a fallen and lost angel on a star-filled night, one cannot help but love something that was never theirs to love." She blushed a little before letting tears spill.
"In one of my darkest hours, you gifted me with your light that I never deserved. I took it selfishly, Bella, because your innocence called out to me. I never deserved your gift, little one. You gave it anyway, and I loved you from the beginning. I hope I'm making some sense and not coming off as some pervert." I cringed at the thought.
"Don't doubt, Jasper, I understand completely," she softly spoke through her beautiful tears, "Even though I was young, I could see your pain. It radiated through your eyes and was not to be hidden. I could feel your pain, Jasper. I wanted to take it from you. You saw yourself as some kind of monster that was irredeemable, but I saw differently. I saw this beautifully scared, little boy who was crying for some purpose in his life. You were falling, Jasper. I wanted to be the one to catch you. None of this makes sense, it doesn't today, and it didn't ten years ago. If the psychologist heard us they would probably lock us in a padded cell together. What do you say; want to share four padded walls with me?" Bella wiggled her eye brows at me.
"What the hell, it's not like I have anything else planned for the future."
"That's the spirit, honey." Bella laughed.
Her cheeks were flushed pink from her giggling, and she was breathtaking. My soul begged for me to touch her. I placed my fingers at the top of her forehead and pulled her hair behind her ear. Bella ceased all her joking and stared into my eyes. Her jade green flecks were so prominent in the dark brown pools. They captured my full attention.
"You're so beautiful, angel. Time could never compete with your grace, Bella," I told her seriously.
Bella's gorgeous eyes filled with liquid diamonds that spilled over onto her flushed cheekbones. I was completely taken with the little angel. Her warmth spread through my whole being, centering in my cold heart.
"No, Jasper, I could never compare to your splendor. Your whole body, from your face to your toes, screams magnificent. It's not fair to the rest of us how beautiful you are. It's not just your looks, but your actions and the love you give to others. I may not know the stories of your past, Jasper, but I can see your splendor. It's in your eyes, and they tell me your path. You have had hardships and many tribulations, but the core of who you was strengthened by what you had to go through. It only made you stronger, more resilient to withstand what came your way." It was my turn for my eyes to fill.
"You don't doubt yourself any longer about your past problems. You radiate respect, so much charisma, Jasper. You are simply an exquisite, phantom angel!" she finished on a sigh.
Well shit, I was speechless. What could one say about that assumption? I was put to shame in my description of her. Bella may not have realized it, but she was better than me, in everything she did and in every cell within her little body. There were no words for me to express that.
"Angel, you see me through the wrong tinted glasses. But thank you for your beautiful words. You have always made me want to be a better person. Thank you, little one," I said, tilting my head in recognition.
"You're welcome, Jasper."
...
The emotions in the room were becoming overwhelming. The bond that we shared was calling for me to seek some kind of release. It was begging for a simple touch: a brush of her cheek, a sweep through her thick hair, a graze over her milky neck. We were lost in each other's gazes. Nothing seemed to be able to penetrate our little world. Her sweet smelling breath mingled with mine and created its own scent. Bella's eyes were wide and the jade jewels that were swirling around pulled me closer to her, begging me to see the secrets hidden in their depths. We were inches apart, and I was trying to hang on. Bella brought her tiny hand to my face. She played with the rouge curl that always hung above my left eye.
"Jasper, what's happening?" she asked while threading her fingers through my hair.
"I don't know, angel," I sighed back to her.
I scooted closer on the bed and closed my eyes, letting myself get lost in her touch. Bella traced the outline of my lips, bringing me back to her attention. My eyes opened and were centimeters from hers. As I leaned in to taste her lips, Bella pulled back and removed her hands from my face. They landed softly on her stomach. I was startled by her sudden movement. Bella seemed to snap out of our trance and immediately her cheeks turned red. She looked down at her stomach and mumbled under her breath.
"Sorry, Jasper, that was my fault. I'm not sure what happened."
I was also confused. I didn't know what came over us. I never looked at my little angel in that light. It would have been wrong and completely irreprehensible. Now that Bella was older, and quite frankly a woman, I didn't know how to view her. I never want to cross any lines that put our friendship in jeopardy or put her in contention with the father of her child.
I was angry with myself in allowing my behavior. I shouldn't have put her in that position. I knew she was pregnant and had many emotions and hormones running through her body. If I was to see her again, and I knew that I had to (there was no question about it) I would have to be on my best behavior.
"There is no need for your apology. I take full responsibility for what we did. It is I that owes you the apology. Please say you will forgive me, angel. I promise not to let that happen again."
Bella smiled slowly, taking my hand in hers. She placed my hand on her lower stomach and we waited for something. Right when I was about to ask her a question, I felt the most amazing thing ever. Bella's little angel kicked. My hand seemed to tingle even more so than usual. A dreamy look overcame my face, and I was awed.
"Do you mind?" I asked her as I placed my other hand on her stomach. Bella shook her head. I brought my head closer to her baby bump.
"Hi, precious one. Do you know how blessed you are?" I spoke to her little one. "I know how much your mommy loves you. It is over the sun, to the deepest parts of the ocean, to the farthest heavens in the night sky, and more than anything, anyone could comprehend. That's how fierce she loves you, precious one."
The baby kicked again as if answering my questions.
"Do you think I love you, precious one?" I asked her belly, and to my amazement, the baby kicked at my question. I knew without a doubt that the little one answered yes. My whole body filled with awareness and another piece of my heart and soul were stolen from me. "I know, precious one. How could I not already fall in love with you?"
I placed my lips reverently on her belly and kissed her little angel that captured my heart. I looked up for the first time I started talking to the baby and saw that Bella had silent tears cascading down her beautiful face. I wiped the tears from her cheeks. My body reveled in the warmth that our bond seemed to provide.
"No more tears, angel. Be happy for me."
"I am happy, Jasper, more then you can know."
I knew she was happy. Her happiness filled me up and wrapped me neatly in her love. Bella stopped crying and plastered a smile on her lips.
"See . . . happy." I rolled my eyes and placed my hands on either side of her smile. I took the corners of her mouth and made her smile even bigger. Bella laughed even louder and tried to slap my hands from her lips. I wondered again if the coldness from my skin bothered her.
"Bella, may I ask you a question that could potentially be weird?" She looked askance, but nodded.
"Do my hands feel cold to you? Usually when I touch a patient, they comment about the temperature of them."
"No, Jasper, your hands aren't cold to me. They feel warm."
I was shocked, to say the least. This had never happened to me through the whole course of my existence. I would have to talk to Carlisle. I wanted him to meet her anyway, so I would broach the subject with him.
"Close your mouth, Jasper. There is no need to feel surprised. Your skin feels extra warm when we touch, but it's more than that. My skin feels like it comes to life when you touch me. It tingles and quivers at your touch. I know it sound so ludicrous and wonky, but I don't know how else to describe it. But there's more. From the first time I saw you to now, you look the same."
My mind started racing, I felt like I was about to have a panic attack. I knew Bella was smart and perceptive to a fault. I should have realized she would notice the odd things about me, but I let my irrational mind rule my decisions regarding my actions toward her. I allowed my heart to overrule my mind, because where Bella was concerned, all of my rules were thrown out the window. I could feel her apprehension in continuing.
"Don't be scared, angel, you can tell me anything that is on your mind." Even though I was scared shitless, I wanted her to continue.
"You are more pale then others, and even more than me. You haven't seemed to age in ten years and you can make me feel emotions that you want. When we were at the airport, I could feel your love and concern for me. I knew you were comforting me in my time of need, giving me the support I so desperately needed. You seemed to know that I needed you then and you gave willingly. When I got home from the airport, I went into my room and cried because you were taken from me again. It wasn't fair, but I knew that was life. I prayed that you would come into my life again, and for some reason I was comforted by that thought. I fell asleep with you on my mind. You hugged me in my dreams, telling me of your love. I knew you were different then, but it never changed my longing and need for you. I didn't give a care about what you could do differently. It only made you more special in my eyes. So there is no reason to fear me. I love everything about you, and that isn't going to change. You will need to come to terms with that," Bella finished her monologue with sass in her voice. My little angel never ceased to amaze me.
My mind still raced with the usual excuses to give her and the continuous lies that were associated with my life. There was one rule we vampires had to follow above all others, and I never wanted any harm to come into Bella's life. I weighted my options and thought about the consequences of my actions. Bella looked at me with her honest eyes. I knew I couldn't lie to her.
"Jasper, what is it that makes you so special and different?" That was the sixty-four thousand dollar question.
I looked into her eyes and answered her honestly, "I can't tell you that, Bella. At least not right now. Please don't hate me, angel. I swear if it was in my power to tell you, I would. Please trust in my love for you; I honestly cannot tell you. This is one of the shades of grey I was talking about earlier. My life is so complicated. I never wanted you to be tainted with my problems. I hope you don't want me out of your life. I'm not sure I could live without you again. I'm just sorry!" I finished.
I removed myself from her bed. Bella grabbed my hand and brought it to her lips.
"I really do understand, Jasper. I do wish I could know everything about you, but I trust you, and I know you are being honest with me. I appreciate your candor. I know in time you'll tell me."
I pulled her hand up to my cheek and pushed my face into her small, warm palm. I looked at her face and smiled at my beautiful friend.
"Thank you, angel. You don't know how much your trust in me means; one of a kind. You were correct when you said I could make you feel what I wanted. I'm what some call an Empath. Everything you feel and the emotions that run through your body, I can feel; not just you, but everyone around me. Yes, it can get overwhelming, but I have learned to live with it. My so called "gift" is second nature to me. It is like one of my other senses.
"Goodness that is amazing, Jasper. I could never imagine having something so unique like that. I'm sure it can also be so overbearing at times. I'm not even sure how you can stand to be in this place, filled with so many people. You are sensational."
I winked at her. Bella immediately blushed. I just laughed out loud as she rolled her eyes.
"I know, angel, I can feel your aggravation." I smiled all knowingly.
"Okay, that is going to get old."
"To be serious, Bella, I am in awe of you. How many people could be told that they have a whole other sense and be fine the next minute? Your level of tolerance is amazing and that makes you even more special. You accept me for what I am, no suspicion, and only absolute trust."
"You have been honest with me, Jasper even though your instincts are telling you to protect me. I appreciate that, if the only way to show you that is through my trust then so be it. You deserve it and I'm just grateful you are in my life again." She looked away from me and up to the ceiling. She was feeling a myriad of feelings.
"As am I, angel," I said. I could feel her becoming tired. She covered her mouth as a huge yawn overtook her. "It looks like you are about ready to sleep again," I tried to say in a calm voice.
"I know, Jasper," Bella said through another yawn. "I don't want you to leave either, I just got you back." My heart leapt at her words and a smile returned to my face. I knew this wasn't the last time that I would see her.
"Go to sleep, little one. I'll see you again," I said in a more reassured voice. Bella's eye lids began to close, but her smile remained. She grabbed my hand and held on.
"Stay, Jasper, till I fall sleep," she murmured. I would grant her any request.
"Always," I answered, and with my final word, Bella left to the land of sleep. I smiled at her beautiful face.
I gently leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Goodnight, angel. I promise I'll come back." I bent down lower and spoke to her growing baby, "You also, tiny one. I already love you."
Her baby gave me another kick, and I smiled at her child's innocence. I gave a final pat to her stomach before pulling my hand away, marveling at the thought of Bella being pregnant. I finished and got up from Bella's bed. I placed one more gentle kiss on the palm of her small hand that was in mine, then placed it on her stomach.
I looked down at my angel and realized I had Bella in my life again. She was going to change my world once again.
However, it would always be for the better, I thought
Author's Notes: Surprise! Well there you have it. I hope that it was alright and lived up to some of your imagination. If you have the time, I would really appreciate of you could tell me what you thought.
Thanks again, and I hope all is well. Much love.
Posted: 28 June 2010
Edited: 11 July 2011
Reviews are always welcomed.