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My Soul was Absolute

Part Fifteen

Jasper's POV

I was still in shock from my recent discovery. So much time had passed and just with one conversation, the years melted away. We were once again, two strangers who had first met under the light of a full moon and millions of stars glittering in the sky; one barely older than a child, and the other a drowning man who wanted to give into his thirst. So much time and so many memories, none of it ever compared to the time I had spent with a fallen angel so long ago.

After that meeting my life had become centered on someone who spent a majority of a little less than a day in my presence. Time was a fickle mistress, for those who lived by it. But in my relationship with Isabella, the mistress ceased to exist. Time was a figment of man's imagination in our connection.

Of course Bella had grown into a beautiful woman, not that I expected any less. I had also changed so much over the years, but our time was still relative. She may have changed physically, emotionally and socially, but our connection, our fundamental foundation was the same. The time, we first shared, twelve years ago was firmly rooted in our cores, never changing, only growing stronger and more firm.

When I got home that night, I went into my bedroom and lay down on my seldom used bed. I laid spread eagle, stretching my muscles and lengthening my limbs. While staring at the ceiling, different shapes started to appear before my eyes. The texture on the ceiling allowed me to make any picture I wanted. My mind slowly drifted to the one person that I had completely lost myself in tonight. Every aspect of her captured every aspect of me. My world revolved around her and everything else was lost. It continued to amaze me how I was able to lose myself so easily to a wisp of a girl.

Her hair was still chestnut with lowlights of darker browns and ravens. It was thick and filled my hands with pure curly silkiness. The tresses fell to the middle of her back, and when she wanted, could obscure her face from my view. Her heart shaped face thinned out and was well defined into that of a woman's. Her baby fat had disappeared and was replaced with refined, graceful features.

Bella's eyes were as big as ever, and her jade flecks sparkled through the brown, making her eyes deep and fathomless. People thought brown was a boring color, but on Bella it masked her secrets and hid her deepest desires. The brown added to the mystery of her eyes, and gave them a dark alluring tone. There was nothing boring about her shade of brown.

Her little upturned nose, from when she was small, matured into a strait lined nose that fit perfectly in the center of her beautiful face. Her lips were the one flaw in her make-up. Her top lip was cupid bowed and was uneven with the bottom. Her bottom lip was full and plump, giving it a slight pout. Her top lip was slightly darker shade of pink, but it added to her appeal. Bella's bangs cascaded over her forehead and fell over her uneven sculpted eyebrows, into her eyes. She was simply beautiful.

The biggest surprise to me had been her stomach. Being seven months pregnant could do that to a person, Jasper, I scoffed.

After I heard the quickened heartbeat, my surprise drifted away and was replaced with awe. My mind still saw Bella as a little girl, worrying selflessly over others with no regard for herself. Her stomach was so perfectly round and filled with the miracle of life. She was going to be a mother and I was amazed. I knew with time, the image I carried of her as a little girl would be replaced with the exquisite woman that existed today. I was already half-in-love with her unborn child, and I had just met him or her. But the reality of her being pregnant brought another truth to me: she had truly been with a man and that man had sired Bella's child. It broke me to think about it. It clenched at my gut until I had to change the direction of my thoughts!

As my mind continued to wander, my heart felt like it was going to burst. My eyes welled up with my useless venom and my soul gloried in my renewed happiness. After eight years with Bella at the very center of my world, she was finally, physically, present and I was overcome with emotions. My body was racked with dry sobs, and I wept for hours. My life was finally complete again and my heart was overcome with love.

With just one meeting of my angel, my soul was absolute. The years of crying out for her presence was now over and my emotions were of absolute bliss. My tears were of joy and happiness. A little was "shed" for our long separation, but that was over, and the induced drought I suffered from her was no more. She was in my life once again and all I could do was weep and smile through my unshed tears. As my body started to calm, I turned onto my back and looked up at the ceiling again. Bella's face was the most prominent picture in the different swirls of the textured ceiling.

. . .

When the morning light of the grey overcast day filtered into my bedroom, I got up from my Bella-induced coma and headed for the shower. My body stood still as the water from the shower head washed away all of the emotions I experienced through the night. The warm water caressed my body, causing me to think of the warm that blanketed my form from Bella's touch. It had been the same from when she was younger. For some reason our bond caused heat to flow through my cold stone body, thawing out the chill that always resided. It was a mystery to me and I had no answers. When Bella touched me she felt warmth and no ice. Our connection was ambiguous to me, leaving many questions, with not many answers. I knew Carlisle, when he found out, would be as excited as a cat who got the cannery. Carlisle loved a good mystery and wouldn't stop until he was able to unravel some type of answer. It was one of the many things we loved about him and tolerated from him; one never loved to be his science project.

After washing my body, I wrapped a towel around me and felt the individual water droplets fall down my chest. I wiped the steam from the mirror and studied my reflection. I would never age physically, but when I gazed at myself, I was able to see change. For one, I was no longer ashamed of my scars. There were many and they were ugly, but like Shelly had written, they were her battle scars and told the story of her life. I was also more confident. Even though I was never tempted any more with my bloodlust, I always rejoiced at the victories I won every day.

My battle for control was long and arduous, my monster long since silenced. However, I never took for granted my success and thanked whoever listened for my continued triumph. I was also more confident in my body. To me, it was acceptable, and no longer had an ugly scarred reminder of my pain and depression. It was my tool in living and helping others. It was strong, sculpted and refined. Woman often propositioned me, but for some reason I was never tempted. Don't misunderstand me. I loved sex. I loved riding my ecstasy until I felt I would die all over again. I loved to work my partner up into passionate frenzy, making them beg me before finally allowing them their ultimate release. Making them claw at my back and scream my name as they reached their pinnacle and we fell together.

With my confidence came humility. I know I was in control of myself, master of my destiny, but I also realized that with my knowledge came a responsibility. I could spout all day the wonder that was me, but nothing would be accomplished. I worked for my achievements and continued to mold my future, but I also realized without the help, love and sacrifice of so many, my current reality would cease to exist; I would be living in another time and place. My accomplishments belonged to so many and I recognized that. I didn't begrudge anyone their part in my life. I was a collaborative effort with so many different people. Each shaped my life, either for the worse or the better, depending on the person. I was humbled by my circumstance and family. I was blessed, and each day I actively reminded myself.

After reflection, I quickly dressed in a pair of dark wash jeans and a white buttoned down shirt. I rolled up the sleeves to my elbows and distantly heard Alice sigh. I put on my high quality designer shoes that Alice continually filled my closet with and made my way to the kitchen. I grabbed my keys, wallet and cell phone and headed to my car. She was one of the loves of my life, a 2008 Infiniti G37 Coupe in silver. My baby was fast, beautiful, and had an engine to literally die for. Black tinted windows hid the grey leather interior that molded to my body perfectly. My love affair with her was history.

I pulled into the hospital staff parking and made my way inside. I wasn't due to start my shift for another few hours, but there was something I needed to do. I usually arrived right before my designated time, keeping up the pretense of a sleep deprived intern. I made my way over to the emergency ICU and inhaled deeply. Many different smells invaded my nose, but the loveliest one of all replaced them. The smell of freesia was my comfort. I quickly walked over to her room and stopped outside the door. I inhaled once more, allowing myself the time to relax and become centered. My hand grabbed the door handle and pushed it opened to reveal my entire world.

Bella was cuddled under the covers. Her eyes were closed and a blanket pulled up to her chin, hiding the treasure that hid underneath. A smile graced my lips and my emotions became out of control. My happiness knew no bounds and my mind rejoiced in the knowledge that Bella was real and not a figment of my imagination. My need to touch her became overwhelming, and I quickly made my way to her side. In their own accord, my fingers reached out to trace the apple of her cheek that was exposed; warmth instantly flooded my hand. I closed my eyes, reveling in her induced heat that traveled the length of my body.

Bella sighed and moved closer to my touch. With a big yawn escaping her mouth, Bella opened her eyes and looked into mine. Her orbs were a dark brown that still held the glassy look of sleep. A smile appeared on her lips and was wobbly due to lack of use. She was the picture of innocence and beauty. My heart felt liked it clichéd at the very sight of my angel.

"Good morning, Jasper," she croaked out in her morning voice.

"Well it is a very fine morning, now that I am in your presence," I complimented her and she gifted me with her customary blush. My soul warmed at the sight of it.

"Jasper, is there something you cannot do?" I was confused by her question. I looked at her obliquely, and Bella read the look on my face.

"Not only are you beautiful, thoughtful and beyond gorgeous," it was my turn to look embarrassed, "but you have the ability to charm and make me blush so early in the morning. It simply isn't fair." I wondered if she realized what she was saying. Her voice was still slurred with sleep, and when she was younger, she was too embarrassed to talk about my looks.

"Oh, my little angel, you are correct in your assumption. There is nothing that I cannot accomplish. My world is limitless and my looks are ageless." Bella rolled her eyes and accompanied it with small giggles. Her laugh was entirely too cute and made my heart sigh.

"Just as I suspected, a puffed up peacock with his tail feathers on display." I laughed at her comparison and shook my head.

"How are you doing this morning, angel? Are you still tired? I can leave and come back later to check on you, if you wish?" I asked her. Bella surprised me as she began to panic and grabbed my hand.

"No, Jasper, I don't want you to leave. I'm not done looking at you." Her voice was completely serious. "You only just came into my life and I don't want this to be a dream." Silent tears slipped from her eyes and bathed her cheeks in salt. My fingers wiped her steady flow, and my lips followed their progression. Bella closed her eyes as my lips met her skin; she placed her hand in my hair, threading her fingers through my curls.

"Not a dream, never a dream again," she whimpered. I pulled back and looked at her face; it was splendor personified.

"Not a dream, angel." The emotions in the air were thick and surrounded me. I allowed them to fill me up, making sure this was real.

"So, Isabella, when are you going to be freed from this ward?" I joked with her. Bella just gave me a sad smile.

"I should be released sometime tomorrow." I couldn't understand why this would upset her. Most of the patients I came in contact with couldn't wait to be far from here.

"Why are you sad?"

"It's nothing, Jasper. I'm tired, I guess. You being here has excited me, and I must have been more tired than I thought." I knew this was not the entire truth, something was being left out. I wanted to see a smile on her face.

"Well, if you don't mind and if I am not stepping over any boundaries, may I be there for your release party? If you need a ride or any help getting home, I'd be more than happy to accompany you?" I offered selfishly. Bella graced me with a shy smile and my heart lightened.

"Really, Jasper? That would be wonderful, but as long as it isn't an inconvenience to you."

"It is no problem. One thing about me you'll come to realize is that when I make an offer, I am quite serious. I want to help you in any way I can. I just got you back; I want to be there as long as you'll have me."

"I . . . don't know what to say," she stuttered.

"What do you want, Bella? Am I being to forward or taking any liberties I shouldn't be?" I needed to know. My heart needed to know.

"No, Jasper. I want you too, and your friendship, for as long as I can. I just don't want to disappoint you. There are some things you don't understand. But if you will help me home tomorrow, I'll explain. Please don't make me talk about it now." Of course I was instantly curious and wanted to know all I could, but I also understood her need to hold off. I wouldn't have to wait long, and if there was any doubt, I could never deny her anything."

"No problem, honey, but may I ask you one thing?" She gave me the approval with her silent, and I finally asked her what I should have found out last night. "Why are you in the hospital at all? I could have looked at your medical chart, but to be quite honest, I forgot because I became lost in your very presence," I told her from the heart. I hadn't meant to be so sappy. My little friend gave me a shy smile, the jade in her eyes shimmering out of the brown. Bella looked away from me again and the smile that had graced her lips turned into something quite different. My mind already started running through scenarios and possibilities for her being here; they all caused my soul to ache. Bella opened her mouth and her explanation filled my ears.

"I've been pushing myself too much lately. I haven't been getting the necessary sleep and food the baby requires. A few days ago, I collapsed at work from sheer exhaustion and my boss called for an ambulance. The doctors have kept me for a few day; they wanted to make sure I wasn't dehydrated anymore and the baby was at the right levels. I've been on a constant IV Drop, and forced to eat the proper foods. So I guess now that everything is fine, and I'm well rested again, I'm free to go. But I've been given strict instruction about my health and the baby's," Bella finished with a squeaky voice. I could smell the salt water in her eyes; my heart called out to hers, wanting to take away her lingering pain.

"I'm sorry I brought it up, angel, but I'm also glad you and the baby are okay. There is no need for me to give you a lecture, and I hope you are going to be fine. I don't know what would happen if I lost you after we were only just reunited," I told her honestly, but also not wanting to scare her with the intensity of my feelings.

"Thanks, Jasper, and I also understand what you mean. I've only just found you again, and already you have become an important person in my life. What do you think they put in the water in this place?"

"Not sure, angel, but it must be something great. How could I ask for someone as wonderful as you?" Bella immediately turned red. She hid behind a curtain of her hair, and I smiled at her timid reaction. She was too much fun to play with.

"May we please change the subject and talk about something else?" she pleaded with me from behind her hair. I relented a little.

"Sure, we can talk about something else, like my amazingly good looks or my incredible ability to do anything. There is also this very fine specimen of eye candy that is before you." Bella laughed and tried to hide her blush behind the curtain of hair again. I stopped talking and gave her the time to collect her blush from her cheeks and replace it with her normal color.

While Bella was attempting to sit up, her blanket fell to her knees and her swollen stomach appeared before me. I placed my hands above her stomach and looked into her eyes, silently asking for permission. She gave me her acceptance and I lowered my hands.

Her belly was firm and filled with her child. I think I would always marvel at the notion of my little friend being pregnant. I ran lazy circles on the bottom of her stomach, waiting for a response from the little one inside.

"What do you think, little one? Should we talk about my eternal beauty?" Bella rolled her eyes, but her child disagreed. Her baby kicked my hand in response and a silly smile graced my lips.

"I refuse to talk about your looks, Jasper. I don't care . . " she started to argue.

"Tut, tut, angel. You are out voted. The little one and I agree. But instead of me, let's discuss you and your perfect face." Bella's blush intensified and her smell became even more wonderful.

"Jasper," she sputtered, "I am not going to even dignify that comment with a response." I of course ignored her comment.

"I bet you are going to be as beautiful as your mother, baby. I can't wait to meet you and see your darling face." The precious little one kicked again.

"I am already half in love with you, how is that possible?" Bella was radiating happiness and tears slipped from her eyes.

"Not more water works, young lady, or I will be forced to remark on how enchanted I become just by looking at your face." Bella chuckled while wiping her eyes.

And so the rest of our conversation continued. We talked about her beauty, very reluctantly, and entirely on my part. We talked about her stay and her being happy to eat real food instead of the 'unidentifiable mystery meat' the hospital provided. We talked about her night and what she did after I left. We talked about my night and how it was spent 'staring at a wall and being in shock of seeing her again, after so many years without each other'. We talked about my car and how awesome it really was. Bella of course became jealous and I had to poke fun at her; there was no other option.

"There is no need to fret, angel. My car holds nothing on your beauty. I would willingly drive her off a cliff if you asked."

"Jasper, please, as if I would be jealous over something as trivial as a car . . . drive it off a cliff you say?" A mischievous smile bloomed on her face.

"Bella, honey . . . please don't get any ideas!" I pleaded, fearing for the safety of my lovely lady.

We talked about her fear of hospitals, but she wouldn't give me any concrete reasons as to why. When my time was coming to a close, I took her hand in mine and place a kiss on the back. I sighed at the familiarity. Bella, of course, blushed at the gesture; I smiled.

"I have to go on my rounds in a little while, but if you like, I can come later for a few minutes and check up on you, or make sure you're alright."

"That would be wonderful, Jasper. I look forward to seeing you later."

With one more perfect smile from my angel, I left her room and started my job that I had trained eight years, in her absence, to accomplish.

I unwittingly whistled a tune as I began to check on the other patients who needed assistance.

Bella stayed in my constant thoughts throughout the day. A smile would frequently appear on my lips, and people would ask, but I would keep my reason for being happy a secret. I didn't want to share her with anyone just yet. And so the thoughts continued:

My angel was real, and she was finally in my life again. I would be there for as long as she needed me, but I figured my need was greater than hers. I just needed to make sure my intensity didn't frighten her. My friend was home and my life was close to perfect.

With each second that passed, I literally counted down the time until I would be in her presence again. My need for Bella at the moment was high, and after eight years of not seeing her, each moment felt endless. She was in the same building as me, and yet I couldn't see her. I wanted to visit her during the day, but there was never a time, today had been uncharacteristically busy; it was almost as if fate was trying to make me suffer even more.

After seeing my last patient of the day, I quickly made my way to the locker room and showered off the day's work. It had been a long and arduous day; I stretched my dead muscles before turning off the water and drying off. I quickly dressed in what I had on this morning and sought out my angel.

Bella was propped up on her bed with the remote control held loosely in her hand. Her eyes were slowly closing from the strain, and it was evidently clear that whatever she was watching on the television didn't capture her attention. I allowed a little smile to overtake my mouth as I watched Bella fade into a drowsy slumber. She was finally in my eye sight again, and my world was fine. I silently made my way over to her bed and Bella immediately opened her eyes. I hadn't meant to startle her, but her reaction was adorable. She brought her small hand to her heart while her big eyes were glued to my face.

"That was completely unnecessary, Jasper!" she said in her most scolding voice. I bent down and gave her a simple kiss on her soft, warm cheek. I made my way over to her ear and Bella placed her hands on my chest after I whispered in her ear, "Sorry, angel, and my most sincere apologies." My breath hit her lobe and her little shoulders shuddered at my cold breath.

"It's fine, Jasper." Her voice was raspy; I smiled at her sleepy state. I pulled away slightly and looked down, giving her a warm smile.

"I'm also sorry about not being able to come sooner. We were beyond busy today. I didn't want you thinking I was staying away voluntarily." At my words, Bella bent her head down; I could feel the guilt coming off of her in waves.

"I'm sorry for thinking that, Jasper, but it honestly had nothing to do with your character. I just felt that I was nothing special to come and visit. But, please, know that I would never think that about you. Your every action is filled with something amazing, and I'm so very lucky to have you as my friend."

I shook my head at her words, and felt sad at what she thought of herself. I gently grabbed her face between my hands and looked deeply into her eyes. Her stare was just as intense, and I knew she was actually going to listen to my words. I only hoped she internalized them.

"You're wrong, Isabella. Your very presence in my life has been nothing short of amazing. I love everything about you, down to the ten toes on your feet. Please, angel, never doubt my love or your importance in my life, please, please! I don't know how else to say it," I finished on a murmur.

Bella covered my hands with hers. Our eyes never lost contact, and the moment between us was captured by the look in her eyes. The tears that lingered in her eyes made every color in the rainbow present, but the thing I noticed the most was her love. It was real and in plain sight.

"I love you, too," she answered as she brought her lips closer to my face and kissed the tip of my nose. The moment was lost as my laughter filled the room, and Bella soon joined in. She was beyond silly sometimes, and my love for her grew.

"You're one of a kind, angel. I wouldn't ask you to change." Bella just gave me a small smile and immediately yawned. I could feel her tiredness and decided it was my sign to take my leave. "Alright, angel, I think it's time for me to leave for the night." I said explicitly; I didn't want her thinking I was leaving for good. "But I'll be here, bright and early, ready to celebrate your release from this joint." Bella rolled her eyes at my joke, but still gave me a smile.

"Do you mind waiting until I fall asleep again?" Her voice was small, and I could feel her embarrassment at the question and her need to have someone.

"Never a problem. I'd love to stay until you fall asleep." She gave me a grateful smile and finally found a position that was comfortable to her.

I pulled the covers up to her chin as she seemed to favor and placed my lips on her forehead. Bella sighed at the contact and my heart melted at her need for me. "Goodnight, angel. Find a world tonight where everything is bright and my love for you is present." Her eyes finally closed, and the hand she threaded through my rouge curl, fell listlessly to her side.

"Night," she mumbled through her sleep. M little friend left me for the night, to journey somewhere I couldn't follow. I placed another kiss to her forehead and pulled away. I placed my hands on top of the blankets that covered her unborn child. I gently ran my hands over the baby and wondered at what it would look like, and more importantly, would it look like the person who had helped to make him or her. Regardless of who the father was, I knew the child was a part of Bella, and I would love him or her like there was no tomorrow.

"Goodnight to you too, baby. I can't wait to meet your beautiful face. I can already feel your mother's love for you, and it is beyond amazing. How very lucky you are." I felt a little flutter beneath my hand. A smile bloomed on my face, and I knew every word I had thought or spoken in regard to the child was true. I could feel my anticipation in wanting to meet Bella's miracle. "I also love you, baby." I felt another flutter.

I guess my love wasn't one-sided. I gave one more gentle rub to her stomach, trying to be careful in not waking Bella, and removed my hand. I made my way to the door, looking over at my sleeping angel.

"I'll be here in the morning. Please never doubt your place in my life." I left the room, and with each step I took from Isabella the sound of her heartbeat and that of her child's, gave me the comfort that I needed to withstand her absence from my life; even for the night.

I internally cringed as the one thought which circled through my mind,

You are in trouble.

Author's Notes: Thanks to all those still reading this story. Thanks again for all the well wishes. My family is doing better, but unfortunately I have gotten sick. When I was flying to home, some unknown person on the plane had no regard for others, and continued to cough without covering their mouth. The whole time I was cringing thinking, "I'm going to get sick", and low and behold, I did. To be honest I feel crappy.

I hope all is well with everyone. Much love.

Posted: Friday, 9 July 2010

Edited: Thursday, 8 December 2011