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The Life She Had

Part Sixteen

"She realized as a girl of eight that if she sat down and wrote her stories, she could escape the parts of life she didn't like, embroider the parts she did and thus control the life she had."

- Dudley Clendinen

Jasper's POV

"Hey, Carlisle," I said as I answered the phone after the third ring just as I walked through the front door of my home. "How's everything going?"

"We have no complaints, son. Everyone is fine, but the reason I'm calling is to see how you're doing. Alice has been acting peculiar again, and I guessed it was in regards to you. Her visions have been bothering her lately, and for some reason she seemed sad after several of them." I wasn't sure what to say or how to respond. I wasn't ready to tell him of Bella, she was still mine. I also wasn't sure about Alice and what she was seeing. To be honest, I really didn't have any desire to know. Her vision had enough of an impact on my life, and I had no need for more.

"I haven't talked to Alice this week, and if she is having some visions regarding me then I have absolutely no need to know them. My life is my own and I'd like to keep it as such," I finished. I tried to keep the anger from my voice, but a little was beyond my control. I had forgiven Alice long ago for her part in my past, but it was an automatic action, hearing that she was having potential visions of me and my life.

"I completely understand, Jasper. Your life has already been filled with disaster and heartache due to some of Alice's visions. I would be scared for you if you weren't leery of her visions," he said with a smile in his voice. My mentor could always bring light into any dark conversation. I just couldn't wait for him to finally meet Bella; well I guess I could wait a little while.

"Well said, father," I responded and his laughter filled the phone. He took another breath to speak; I automatically knew there was more.

"I was also calling in regards to your mother. You know how she becomes when she doesn't hear from you in a while. You have completely spoiled her and now when you go even four days without calling, she immediately thinks something is wrong. You have created a monster, and I only say that because she is out on a call she received about one of her projects." Carlisle may have been a three hundred plus year old vampire, but when it came to his wife, he was a scared little pussy cat, along with the rest of us in the family.

"I'm sorry if I've caused you more problems. I promise to call her soon," I assured, trying not to sound preoccupied. I knew, however, Carlisle picked up something else in my voice. I internally yelled at my perceptive father.

"Is there something going on, Jasper? You are never one for putting off Esme. As soon as I told you of her concern, I would have heard the dial tone by now and Esme would be reassured. Please, if there is something wrong or you need me in any way, let me know!" Carlisle pleaded. My father was a wonderful man, and I felt guilty at my not telling him about the recent changes in my life.

"There is something going on right now, Carlisle, but rest assured, it is nothing nefarious. I just can't tell you right now," I explained in a low voice, trying to comfort the blow in my words.

"You tell me everything, Jasper," he answered in an almost petulant voice.

Esme wasn't the only one I had spoiled. I smiled at my thought and answered my concerned and sad father, "I know, Carlisle, but this is something I'm not ready to share. I promise when I am, I'll come to you first."

"I'll hold you to that, son," he said in a joking manner, and I knew he was going to be fine. "Also make sure you give Esme a call sometime, soon." He added emphasis on the last word. "I'm not sure how much I can deal with her worrying over you. I used to think that Edward was a mama's boy; now there are two of you in the family." I became defensive.

"Hey! I'm not a mama's boy! I just respect Esme and appreciate the love and dedication she puts into our family." I wasn't kidding anyone; I had become a mama's boy, but there were worse things I could be, and had been. "Fine," I conceded with acceptance. Carlisle continued to laugh. "I'm a mama's boy, and I'll be sure to give her a call soon."

"It's nice to know I can still intimidate my children into admitting their problems," he boasted through his laugh, but I would have my laugh soon.

"I love you, mommy," I crooned before hearing Carlisle's huge intake of breath. He turned around, and I could only imagine what his face looked like in that moment. "I'm surprised you couldn't hearing her enter the room, Carlisle. I think your old age is finally catching up to you. Good luck," I rang as I hung up the phone. I could hear Esme start into him as he finally hung up.

I never professed to be perfect, and it was truly nice to know that my wicked side was still there, if not dormant most of the time.

The rest of the night was spent with finishing some work I had missed yesterday and making sure I was caught up with everything I needed to do. I wanted to spend my time with Bella tomorrow, with nothing interfering with it.

. . .

When the grey light of morning broke through my windows, I immediately grabbed the clothes I had chosen and headed for the shower. I didn't take any time in lingering over the warm water. I had a goal and that was to get to Bella. I finished getting ready in record time, and pushed everything else in the back of my mind. I focused on my angel that was waiting for me. I took the necessary time in saying good morning to my other special lady before I made my way to the hospital. One had to appreciate such a car.

I entered through the visitor's entrance and flashed a quick smile to Betty, who was attending the counter. She flushed red, and I gave her another smile. She looked away as I passed and thanked my lucky stars I didn't have Edward's gift. I made my way past the necessary halls before finally coming to Bella's room.

When I entered her room, I was surprised. It was still early, yet she was already awake. Not only was she awake, but she was packed and ready to leave. A grin graced my face as Bella turned to look at me. She was sitting on her bed, playing with her fingers. She looked like a child who was ready to be released after being punished. The only thing that ruined the illusion was her pregnant tummy.

"Hey, Jasper," she greeted me in a happy sing-song voice. My heart lifted at her excitement and my grin became wider.

"Good morning, angel. I can see you're ready to go." She missed my playful sarcasm and gave me a big smile.

"That I am, Jasper. I'm already checked out, all the necessary papers are signed and I'm just waiting for my chauffeur to escort me home." I laughed at her cheek before finally approaching her. As I placed a kiss a on her forehead, Bella reached up and ran her small fingers through my unruly hair. I pulled away and saw that her eyes were closed. "Thank you, Jasper, for being here and taking me home; I'll never know how I got so lucky. My luck usually goes the other way." I wanted to frown at her statement, but chose to let it go for now. My main concern was seeing her home safely.

"No worries, angel," I said, trying to keep the situation light. "Shall we leave?" Bella immediately popped up from her sitting position on the bed. She slightly stumbled, and I held on to her, making sure she was fine. "Be careful or you may have to spend more time here," I joshed. She gracefully rolled her eyes.

"Let's go, driver." That cheek.

She grabbed my hand and nearly pulled me from the room. I quickly grabbed her bag from the bed and allowed my angel to lead the way. As we made our way outside, Bella took in a deep breath and looked to the sky.

"Hello again," she whispered through her smile and started walking again. I wasn't sure what to do, so I simply held onto her hand and escorted her to my car.

"Bella, this is my other special lady. She will be taking you home today," I introduced honesty. Bella just scoffed at my words. She would never understand the relationship between a man and his baby. She didn't have the right genes. I opened the passenger door for her, making sure she was situated and comfortable before gently closing it. I dropped her stuff in the trunk and made my way to the driver side. "Are you ready to experience what this wonderful creature can do?" I asked and Bella ignored my question. I laughed at her actions while pulling out of the parking lot. As I made my way to her house, I could hear her grumble something about men and their cars and honestly, it's just metal and nothing special. I ignored her asinine comments and told my girl to do the same.

. . .

Small, dark, cramped, rancid smelling; these were just some of the adjectives I would use when describing Bella's apartment building. When we had first arrived to her neighborhood, with her giving me the directions, I was shocked. The neighborhood she lived in wasn't the best. I instantly feared for her safety. I wasn't a snob by any means, but I was literally speechless at the thought of Bella living in this environment. My entire heart started to feel sad. Was this the only place my angel could afford? Was she really that terribly off? I had always wanted the best for her, and after looking at her current environment, I was distressed. I didn't know what to say or if I should even comment.

After parking the car in her designated spot and turning the engine off, I looked over and gave her a small smile. I didn't know what else to do. Bella was feeling a little embarrassed and apprehensive. Had I done something to make her uncomfortable? A light blush covered her cheeks as she reluctantly returned my smile.

"Home sweet home I take it?"

"I know it's not the greatest neighborhood, but it's all I can afford." She barely spoke above a whisper. The stain on her cheeks became even more pronounced. I now understood her earlier emotions.

"I'm not here to judge you, angel. I'm only here to help you with anything you may need. I would never judge you off of how you could afford to live. I like to think I am not that lowly or shallow."

"I didn't mean to imply anything, Jasper, but you have to admit, it isn't any place where a pregnant woman should be living alone." One mystery was solved; the father of her child wasn't living with her. Now the question remained, 'where the fuck was he'.

"I'm sure you're doing the best you can. Now let's get your things out of the trunk and into your apartment. I'm sure you're ready to get inside." Bella gently nodded as reached for the door handle.

"What do you think you are doing?" Bella jumped at my question, I must have been louder than I realized. I chuckled at her reaction. She shot me a dirty look.

"Sorry, angel," I said between my laughs, "I didn't mean to frighten you. Talk about a scared little rabbit." Bella grunted. I could feel the agitation rolling off her.

"What?" she shot at me.

"Don't be mad, honey," I sweet-talked her. "I was only going to remind you to wait for me to open the door. My mother raised me to be a gentleman. You don't want that training to go to waste, right?" Bella rolled her eyes at my lame attempt and folded her arms over her chest.

"Thanks, honey," I continued to play with her. I quickly leaned over the seat and kissed her flushed cheek. Little sparks of light flared behind my eyes as my lips heated over her skin. Bella became redder and cleared her throat, as if doing so would clear the tension in the air.

"Right," she mumbled.

I made my way out of the car and watched in amusement as Bella reached up and touched her cheek where my lips had just been. A weird fluttering started in my stomach and added to my already mounting confusion. I opened the car door and took Bella's hand in mine. Our customary heat shot through my hand as I helped my seven-month pregnant friend from my car. Bella looked into my face, giving me a small smile in thanks. I reluctantly let go of her hand and retrieved her small overnight bag from the trunk. After closing the trunk, I followed Bella to the stairs; I climbed behind her until we reached the front door to her home. Her apprehension seemed to increase as she reached into her purse and found her keys. As she was about to slide the key into the lock, she turned around and faced me.

"I know there is no need to ask, but please don't judge. I am not saying this to make you mad. I know you, for some odd reason you are protective over me, and, well, this isn't a four-star hotel. This is the best I could afford on my salary."

"I understand, little one, and I promise not to judge you. I have learned that many of us do the best we can. What more is there? So please, just open the door because this bag is getting heavy."

Yeah right, I internally thought.

Bella took a deep breath before finally turning the key. She reached for the door handle and twisted. My first impression of her apartment was small, dark, cramped and no place for an angel to live. I didn't need the light to see Bella wasn't joking about the condition of her apartment. My heart started to bleed for my angel. Different images flooded my mind about what she must have gone through, what she had to live through. I couldn't take the pictures, so I shut my mind down and walked into her home. It smelt like the next door neighbors were having Indian food for dinner and having a Rocky marathon for entertainment. My sadness increased.

"I know it's not much, but -" I wouldn't let her finish.

"I know, little one," I said to her, because in that moment, she looked like a little child ready to cry. Her big brown eyes were filled with water and her little hands trembled. I dropped her bag, walked over to her little form with her protruding belly and took her in my arms. Her tears bathed my skin has they passed through my shirt. Bella placed her arms around my waist and buried her face into my chest. One of my hands found their way into her silky tresses, following the length of her hair. Small sobs escaped her lips as her crying jag started to subside. I continued to run my fingers through her amazingly soft hair as she quieted down.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled into my chest.

"No need to apologize; I can only imagine the pregnancy hormones you are experiencing," I told her, trying to give her an out. She deserved a pass. Bella smiled. I lead her over to her small, worn couch.

"Thanks, Jasper."

"You know, this seems to have become a trend with us. Firstly, one of us becomes upset. Secondly, one of us apologizes. Lastly, we cap it off with some form of appreciation. If we aren't careful, we may just end up like that forever. I think that's how the old adage goes, or is it something about making some sort of face. If you ask me, I think it's some lie our parents tell us."

"Jasper, you are one-of-a-kind, my friend."

"Why, do I dare say it? THANK YOU?" Bella just laughed and playfully hit my leg.

"So now that we have the crying, apologies and grand gestures of thankfulness out of the way, what is on the agenda for the day?" she asked, but immediately turned red. I could feel her embarrassment and wondered what thoughts could have given her that reaction. She gave me a look of sadness; I gave her a look of confusion. "I'm sorry for assuming you'd spend the rest of your day with me. I'm sure you have other things you need to do, or certain people you would want to see," she finished in a low voice. I was intrigued by her feelings but decided to focus on her instead.

"There is no one more important than you today, angel. I already have everything done, so I am at your disposal. We can do anything to your heart's content."

Bella gave me a small smile and asked the question I wanted her to ask most of all, "Would you like to hear the stories of my past, Jasper?" I was beyond intrigued about her life and what had happened to her in my absence. I was also worried about her stress levels, not including her recent stay in the hospital. I would never want to do anything that would jeopardize or compromise her health. Nothing was more important than her current health situation.

"I'd love to hear your story, little one, but never at the expense of your health," I explained in a calming voice, not wanting her to think I wasn't interested in her life. She gave me a gentle smile and grabbed my hand that lay between us on her couch.

"I understand your concern, but I think I'll be fine. I would like for you to hear about my life and what has happened to me since I becoming older. Not all my memories are happy, but they are the experiences that shaped who I am today. We can always do it another day, if you are unsure. Just so you know, I have a perfectly qualified doctor sitting directly beside me," she finished with a smirk. It was my turn to roll my eyes, which only caused Bella to laugh. I wasn't even sure what was funny; maybe it was the thought of me being a 'qualified doctor'.

"Fine, angel, you win. I would love to hear what you'd like to tell me, but please keep in mind that if you feel, at any moment, you cannot handle the stress, it's okay to stop. There can always be another time; I only want your safety. Are we agreed?" I turned my hand around and intertwined our fingers.

"Sure thing, doc," Bella joked. I gave her an indulgent smile.

Bella started by telling me about her mother and Renee's constant need to live life on her own terms. I already knew how immature her mother could be, but gritted my teeth together so I wouldn't offend Bella by degrading her mother. After some time, Renee had finally found a man named Phil.

"She was completely enamored by him, Jasper. Everything that Phil wanted became what Renee wanted. Her life seemed to be dictated by his every desire. I never begrudged her, for wanting him. I had never seen Renee so happy or stable. Of course, she traveled with him to games and was still known for her flights of fancy, but the majority of her bad habits seemed to disappear. We were happy for a little while. As the happy times passed and things started to settle, Renee and Phil married on a beach in Mexico. I thought he was alright. I never really spent any time with him, my mother dominated his every free moment, but that was fine, things were as they should have been.

Then after more time passed, and the honeymoon period wore off, the newness of being together left. We were left with a Phil who liked to party. My mother usually joined him on his excursions, staying out to all hours in the night. I started to dislike Phil, Jasper, and the bad things he brought into our lives. I never said anything to my mother because she was finally happy. Phil could give her something I couldn't. As the partying continued my mother and all the things I loved most about her, started to fade. I was left with nothing but confusion and sadness."

I wanted to mourn for Bella and her missed experiences as a child. The person that Bella knew and loved had abandoned her daughter for her "new" husband. Bella was lost, and it seemed like she had no one to love only her and depend on. My heart broke for the little girl and her sad moments.

Bella took a deep breath and continued with her story. I started to become concerned as her sadness started to increase. I wanted to tell her to stop, not to go on, but I somehow knew Bella needed to continue. So with reluctance, I bit my tongue and allowed her to continue.

"One night, after my mother and Phil had come back from some party or other, I listened as they crashed through the house to their bedroom. I thanked whoever was listening that my mother had gotten home safely. After about thirty minutes, and not hearing anything else, I turned my mind off for the night, willing myself to sleep. Right before I was completely gone, a noise woke me. At first I thought it to be in my dreams, but as I closed my eyes again, I knew I wasn't imagining it." Bella voice had been reduced to a whisper. Her anxiety was high and my fear for her health increased.

"Bella, maybe that's enough for one day. I would never want you to over-exert yourself." I didn't want her to think I was trying to make decisions for her; I was only worried about her safety. Bella ignored my comments and continued. I could tell she didn't do this intentionally; she was lost in a world of her memory. My voice didn't even register to her. On she went, and with the next sentence she spoke, my world almost seemed to collapse on me.

"Then I heard . . ."

Author's Notes: I know I'm a horrible beast, but the next chapter is super, super long. I had to really stop here. This chapter was a transition to get us to what we want to know, what happened to Bella without Jasper. I hope you liked this short chapter, nonetheless. I hope to read what you think about this little ditty. I know it isn't the best thing I have written, and it probably bored you senseless, but I would still like to know your thoughts (yes you the one reading this boring author's note) :)

Thanks again to all those still reading this little story. I hope all is well with everyone. Much love to all.

Posted: Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Edited: Wednesday, 7 December 2011