Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Warning: Sensitive Material (slight non-con) may not be suitable for everyone. It's the opening part and clearly marked within the two bars.
Leaves of a Book
Part Seventeen
"Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title"
- Virginia Woolf
.
Jasper's POV: present
"Then I heard my door open . . ." Bella started to explain to me.
My body automatically froze. All of the unneeded oxygen left my body, and something happened that hadn't occurred in ten years: my internal monster awoke from its long slumber. The growl seemed to vibrate from my chest, resonating throughout my body. The monster no longer thirsted after the call of blood, having been somewhat tamed long ago, but for the justice over Bella. No more words were needed for me to partly assume what had happened. Those six words she uttered to me were enough to want to kill him.
"Um . . . Phil, he came into my room and," Bella whispered, as if barely speaking the words aloud would make it not true. Could a dead heart break anymore? "He came closer to my bed. I could hear his feet as they slid along the carpet. I started to get really scared, and I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Then he ripped the blanket from my bed and . . ."
Bella closed her eyes and turned away from me. I knew it wasn't a slight against me, but a defense mechanism; she was trying to protect herself.
Bella's POV: past
My heart was running a mile a second. So many different thoughts went through my head. Time seemed to stop; the only sound I could hear was my aching heart, Phil's continued footsteps and his labored breaths. When he finally approached my bed, I could feel his eyes staring into the back of my head. I wanted to run from the room screaming. I wanted my father to protect me. I wanted . . . I wasn't able to finish the thought.
Phil grabbed my blanket and ripped it from my body. I lay there in my nightgown, exposed to the cold and his cruel sight. I automatically wrapped my arms around my knees, pulling them even closer into my chest. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I wanted to look out my window and see the sunrise of the next day.
"Well . . . Well . . . Well, if it isn't the little bird, finally exposed and at my complete mercy?" he slurred.
This couldn't be happening. There were times when I would catch Phil leering at me, as if undressing me with his eyes. What could I have done at the time? I had no one to confide in and no one to tell. I slowly turned my head and looked at the monster that was before me. His hair was all over the place and there was a very dark five o'clock shadow littering his chin. His eyes seemed to glow with a maniacal light. I never thought he was good-looking, but my mother swooned over him; there was no accounting for her taste.
"You need to leave, Phil! Just turn around and leave," I forced my voice to say. I wished it could have been more forceful, but I was scared, only wanting out of the situation.
"That may be a problem, pumpkin; I have no intention of leaving. I have wanted you for a while, and I will have you. Your mother is finally asleep, and there is nothing to interrupt our time." He smirked at me. I felt like my dinner was going to make a reappearance.
"Phil," I started to beg him as I wrapped my arms more securely around my legs, "You really need to go, now."
"Come now, pumpkin, you know I have no intention of leaving; haven't I already told you that, and your mother claims you're smart," he said, mocking me.
My fear started to rise as he moved closer to my bed. He now stood no more than half a foot from me. I could smell the horrible odor of alcohol and smoke from his night of celebration.
"Please," I pleaded, trying to appeal to any sane part of him, "Phil, just leave me the hell alone."
"Oh, pumpkin, how many times have I asked you to call me daddy. There's no need to be formal; we are family." I felt myself gag at these words.
My body shook from my uptake reflexes. Phil, in seeing this, became angry. His eyes turn a darker shade of navy blue, his mocking smile turned into a full sneer.
"I make you sick, do I, pumpkin," he snarled.
He lunged at me and fell on top of the bed. I tried to turn to my left, but he was a little quicker. Phil moved on top of me and manacled my hands above my head. No matter how many times I yanked my hands, they wouldn't budge. He had a firm grip with no intention of letting go. I tried to move my legs or any part of my body, but it was no use. I was stuck at his mercy.
"Now this is more like it, pumpkin. This is a position I like to play." I started to gag again at the thought. I quickly swallowed my bile and continued to struggle.
Phil lowered his head, bringing his lips to my neck. He licked my neck with his cold, vile tongue before biting down.
"No, Stop!" I whimpered. Phil ignored me and continued with his assault on my neck.
I started to cry in earnest. Time was running out and there was nothing I could think to do. I wanted away from him. I wanted my father to love and protect me. I wanted my mother to have chosen someone better. But, most of all, I wanted Jasper to come and save me once again. He was my Phantom angel. He had been there for me in times I needed him most. Whether physically or mentally, he had been there.
"Jasper, please help me," I whispered. I knew it was unfair to him. There was no way he could've known what was happening. There was no way for him to have heard my pleas.
"I'm not your pretend Jasper, pumpkin." He must have seen some confusion on my face because he continued, "Oh, yes, your mother has told me all about your infatuation with your imaginary friend. I guess the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree," he sneered in his greasy voice. I felt betrayed by my mom's actions and her need to tell Phil everything. "Now let me show you what a real man can do."
He started attacking my neck again, and all I could do was squirm under his firm hold. I could feel the bile rising again, and this time I had no intention of stopping it, but in the next moment something happened.
"PHIL," my mother yelled from their bedroom.
"Fuck, what does she want now?" he grumbled from on top of me.
"PHIL," Renee yelled again.
"This isn't over, pumpkin. Be sure of that."
He placed one more kiss on my neck before rolling off of me. After he left, I got up, locked my bedroom door and retrieved my blanket. I curled up on the bed and sobbed for I didn't know how long. In between my episodes, I thanked Jasper for being there with me. I thanked him, my father, or whoever else helped to take the monster away.
I spent the rest of the night thinking of the good things in my life: I thought of the love Charlie had for me and the way he always called me 'kiddo'. I thought of my times with Jasper and his use of 'little angel'.
I began to felt dirty, like I would never be clean again. I wanted to take a long scalding bath, but I was too frightened to leave my bedroom. When the light of a new dawn finally broke through the curtains in my bedroom, I gave a sigh of relief. I could hear the others in the house starting to move around. Renee had always been an early riser. I remember her telling me some psycho babble about the sun and it being the "most mystic" in the morning. I could also hear the monster getting ready for the day. He had early morning practice and I once again thanked my lucky stars. When he had finally left, I got up and ran to the bathroom. I turned the water on as hot as it could reach and cried under the falling drops as it washed away the nightmare from the previous night.
After finally scrubbing myself raw, and my neck ached from its intense wash, I knew what needed to be done. I knew that after last night there would be a repeat performance. My mind was made up; I was getting the hell out.
Jasper POV: present
"That day, I packed my stuff up, loaded it into my second hand car and told my mom I was leaving. She tried to plead with me to stay, but I wasn't going to change my mind. I just couldn't, Jasper. I had to leave." My little broken friend finished her explanation on a choked voice.
"I understand, angel. I'm so sorry I wasn't there!" I pleaded with her. My little one had gone through hell that night, and I would have given up everything in my world to have been there for her, even my firm control. "I'm so sorry!" I stroked her cheek as her tears fell.
Bella finally calmed down and looked at me from under her wet lashes. I gave her a wobbly smile that she returned with one of her own. She rubbed small circles over her stomach, as if trying to protect her unborn child from the stains of her past.
"So where did you go, little one?" Bella untangled herself from my arms and sat up. I could tell she was trying to be strong and wanted to do this on her own. I reluctantly let her go, allowing her to have her independent strength. It really did my heart good to see Bella looking brave once more.
"I had inherited my father's insurance policy and his pension. Since I was already eighteen, I could legally claim them. I also got his house in Forks."
Well, I'll be damned, I thought. Could the world become any smaller?
"We were living in Florida at the time. It took me a week to drive to Washington State, but I didn't care. The further away I drove, the better I became. I enrolled in Forks High and finished out my senior year there.
"Did you ever tell Renee what happened?" I asked her quietly.
"No, Jasper." I didn't understand how she couldn't tell her mother that her piece-of-shit husband tried to take advantage of her (I couldn't even think of the other word because I would have left to hunt after him and kill him with my own hands).
"Please, don't look at me like that. Renee was happy with Phil and I didn't want to ruin her happiness. She chose Phil and she was madly in love with him, Jasper. I couldn't take that away from her. Please, try to understand." My angel was so selfless. Her charity knew no bounds.
As much as I wanted to argue with her, I knew it would be fruitless. The past was over, and Bella had made her decision.
"I understand you have a big thumping, bleeding heart, little one. You give so much for others and take so little in return. It is one, and has always been one, of the things I loved about you." Bella gave me a little smile to show her thanks.
"So tell me about your time in Forks? Did that bastard ever try to come after you?" Bella ignored the second question. I could feel she wasn't ready to talk about that yet, so I let it fall. Bella placed her hands on her stomach again and a soft smile appeared on her lips.
"Well, after I first got into town, I found Charlie's house. On my eighteenth birthday the lawyer sent me a copy of Charlie's will and all of the other documents. I knew the address and had my copy of the key. I spent the rest of the day cleaning up, making sure I was even able to live there. You should have seen the place, Jasper. It was such a mess.
"I can only imagine, little one. After five years of no one living there, I can only think of the state of the house," I said with a shutter.
"It wasn't all that bad, Jasper," Bella mock-scoffed, rolling her eyes. My silly little friend had a bad habit of doing that. "But it did need a good scrubbing. I was sore for days after. Also one of my dad's friends looked after the place. So the only things that really needed to be done were cleaning and dusting."
"And tell me, did you find any big creepy spiders or rats? Did they come out and greet you while you sang a happy song while working." My angel of course rolled her eyes.
"Seriously, Jasper, we need to work on your joking skills. Please be quiet and let me finish my story." I was highly offended. I didn't need any work.
"I will have you know that no work needs to be done on me. I am a fine specimen of man. I am utterly perfect, and the things I could do to a woman could have them sore for days. Any time you want an example, let me know, honey."
Bella seemed to be in shock and her face was burnt red. Was it something I said, I joked with myself. When she still hadn't responded I started to think I crossed a line. She was my friend and I never wanted to make her uncomfortable.
"Look, angel, I'm sorry for my out-of-line comments," I quickly apologized.
"No, Jasper," Bella sputtered, "you're fine. I was just thinking about something," she finished in a higher voice than normal. Her cheeks were stained red, and her embarrassment was nearly choking me. On top of everything else, I could feel something that I was sure I was mistaken about. It was buried so far down under her embarrassment. I let it go and looked at my little tomato.
"You were saying." I smirked at her.
"Um . . . yeah, It . . . um . . . took me a few days to get everything in order. I did the grocery shopping and made sure all of the utilities were in my name. After the weekend was over, I knew it was time for me to start the month of October at Forks High.
. . .
I hated the first day of school. The 'new kid' was always the shiny new toy everyone wanted to play with. It was just like Christmas. One is so excited to get their presents, but after about a week the newness would wears off and the present lays forgotten somewhere, collecting dust. It wasn't that I was cynical or anything, but I had already experienced some of this in town while I went grocery shopping.
"Why are you living here?" "Where are your parents?" "Are you going to be here for long?" These were some of the questions that people felt were their business. It was the price of living in a small town. I knew that after a while, things would settle down, but in the mean time, I was in the spotlight.
I pulled into the parking lot and made my way to the school office, conscious of the many stares I received. Ms. Cope was nice enough, but smelt of cats and had a few stray hairs on her clothes. After getting my schedule, I made my way to my first class, knowing the torture was about to begin.
"Could Isabella Swan please stand and introduce herself?"
No she cannot, I felt like shouting at the dunderheaded teacher. I guess they were too old to remember what it felt like on the first day and being the center of attention. After an internal sigh and roll of my eyes I stood up and took my few minutes of shame.
"I like to be addressed as Bella, please. Let's see, some boring facts about myself no one will remember after today and will probably continue to ask me until my ears bleed. I hail from Arizona, but recently moved here from Florida. I lived there for a year, before I decided to move here. My father use to be a police officer here, and I would spend summers with him. I'm an only child, I love to read, and my life's ambition is to become a teacher and put new students in the spotlight. Oh… and my favorite color is dark amber."
I took my seat and the teacher looked at me askance, trying to figure out if what I said was the truth. Of course the slight against him flew right over his balding head. He proceeded to bore me for the rest of the period.
There should be a law which states that a teacher, during each period, is not allowed to be redundant. They should be fined for wasting a student's time. After introducing myself three times before lunch, I was about ready to bite someone. All I wanted was to spend my lunch hour in peaceful solitude with my mystery lunch meat. Seriously, was that too much to ask? Apparently it was. After taking a seat in a secluded corner, five people got the hint and sat down at my table. I was starting to think the people of Forks weren't too sharp (all pun intended).
"You're Bella, right?" A kid with blond hair and baby blues asked me. I wanted to answer, "Do you see any other new kids having to introduce themselves continuously (that have brown hair and brown eyes) and answer to my name?"
Could he have been any more oblivious?
"Yes, I'm Bella," I deadpanned. He looked at me sheepishly as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. I felt relieved, another member of the blush club. My heart started to feel that he could be a kindred spirit.
"Sorry, I can only imagine what you're feeling right now, having all the teachers make you stand up, having people ambush you with stupid questions about your name." I started to feel guilty about taking my frustrations out on him.
"Look, um . . ."
"Michael Newton, but everyone calls me Mike." He smiled at me, his left dimple coming to life.
"I'm sorry about earlier. The first day of school is a pain, and you were the first person who spoke to me. So by proxy you received my anger. It wasn't fair to you, and I apologize.
"No sweat, Bella. I understand, really I do. I'll try not to be so stupid today, but that's all I can promise. One never knows what tomorrow will bring." I was starting to like Mike more and more.
The other kids started to introduce themselves, and I could already tell there were some who wouldn't like me. Jessica seemed like a nice girl, but was obviously attracted to my new friend. Her friend, Lauren, was a wash; I could tell she already hated me. I couldn't understand why, but I wasn't going to make her problem mine. Angela was a sweet, quiet girl that came off really shy. I knew the feeling. Ben was alright. He was nice enough; I could see myself getting along with him. Angela turned beet red when he sat down next to her and my heart soared even higher, another blush club member. The town of Forks was littered with them. It was obvious she liked Ben, but as it seems to be the credo of every guy since Adam, he didn't notice. Others joined us, but I gave my attention to Mike.
"So, Bella, you come from Arizona, love to read, love the color dark amber, and despise teachers that make you introduce yourself on the first day; and let's not forget you don't like to be called Isabella." I was waiting for the stupid question to slip from his tongue; 'how is your first day of school going', but I was pleasantly surprised. "What are your favorite books to read?" I smiled at him, giving him a silent thank you.
"Well, I love the classics, anything from 'Pride and Prejudice' and 'Wuthering Heights', to 'Huckleberry Finn', to the playwright Tennessee Williams." And so the game, twenty questions, commenced. Different people took turns asking me different questions that varied from, have you broken any bones (too many to count), to what college do you want to attend (Dartmouth), and what car do you drive (a POS, aka, piece of . . . well, you already know). Lunch turned out to be quite enjoyable. Unfortunately the bell rang sooner than expected; I cringed at the thought of two more classes.
"Cheer up, Bella. It'll be over before you can say P.E."
Mike had only a slight idea of how vertically challenged I was. He would find out soon enough. After partnering with Mike in science, and helping him a little, the time of reckoning came. I reluctantly changed my clothes because the P.E. teacher from hell said, "This isn't some day at the spa, Swan! Get changed just like everyone else." I wonder what car it drove. I don't think I would have been held accountable if I modified its brake a little. Mike, bless his poor heart, offered to partner me. Things started to go well . . . until,
"Shit! That hurt!" he yelled from the ground. We were playing volleyball, and, somehow, the ball had come towards my legs instead of my arms. I intensively kicked out and my foot connected with Mike's forehead. I didn't even know my leg could go that high. He had turned around and tried to help me with the ball. Instead, he got a nice-sized bump on his head. I really did feel terrible. He was on the floor and had tears in his eyes from the pain. Everyone around us was laughing, some crying, from lack of air. I bent down and tried to help him as best I could.
"'I'm so sorry, Mike. I tried to warn you and everyone else on the team. I am no good at sports." As he lifted his head, I could see it was already starting to bruise and swell. It would be the size of Rhode Island in the morning. The laughs intensified and my blush became even darker.
'It's fine, Bella, really. Damn, I feel dizzy." I took his hand and helped him up. I really hadn't meant to dropkick him in the head on the first day of school.
"Swan," the he/she P.E. teacher yelled (I wondered if it was some unwritten law that gym teachers had to look a certain way; not that all of them were gender-neutral), "Take Newton to the Nurse and you're excused for the rest of class." I could hear a sigh of relief from the rest of the students. I grabbed our things and led Mike to the infirmary. After making him lie down and putting an ice pack on his head, I tried to apologize again.
"I'm really sorry, Mike," I said quietly, keeping my head down in shame. Mike grabbed my hand and ran little circles over the top.
"Bella, look at me please." After taking a deep breath, I raised my head and looked him in the eyes. His face had a tiny smile on it and his bump was getting bigger. "It's fine, really. There is no reason to apologize anymore. I'll look like a really bad kung-fu movie for a while and then things will be fine. I could be permanently brain damaged, but what is life without taking a beating from a pretty girl. My blush intensified and I felt even guiltier. Not only had I kicked the shit out of his head, but I had been rude to him at lunch, writing him off as a 'stupid idiot'.
"Thanks, Mike, you're too kind. I promise to make it up to you."
"Well you could go out with me on Friday." And there it was, our friendship was over before it even began. I was nowhere near ready to date. I didn't even want to try. Mike must have seen something on my face because he tried to play it off. I could tell he was a little hurt by my silent rejection.
"I was just joking, Bella. How about you help me out with my Science homework and we can call it even." I was so thankful. He had given me an out, and I didn't even have to say anything, but I needed to anyway.
"Sure, I can do that. You know, you are pretty lousy in Science. Maybe you can say the head trauma caused you to have a block for all things Science." Mike just laughed. "And just so we're clear, I'm not really into dating at the moment, Mike. I've had some pretty bad things happen, but that's just the tip of the iceberg." Mike gave me a comforting look, so I continued "I'm not sure I would ever bring any good into someone's life. What I'm trying to get at is could we just be friends?" I finished after floundering with my explanation.
"Sure, Bella, anything you want," he reassured me.
I gave him a smile while we settled down and waited for the school nurse to come relieve him. After another twenty minutes, the nurse finally made her appearance and said we could go. When we were excused for the rest of the day, I gathered our things again and led him to my car. I helped him into the passenger seat before getting into the driver side.
"I'm sorry you can't even drive. But I will pick you up and drop you off for as long as it takes. It's no problem." He smiled, his left dimple danced in his cheek.
"Now there is a bonus, a hot chauffeur at my beck and call. Maybe after I heal, you can kick me again."
"Sure, Mike," I started to joke with him, "and then I can see how bruised your butt will become by my foot." He raised his hands in surrender and we laughed together.
. .
His house was beautiful. It was a large brick home, with beautiful white pillars in the front. The door was blue with a magnificent stained-glass window. The gardens were in their fall bloom and had so many different kinds of flowers and bushes.
"Wow, this is really pretty!" I praised him.
"Its home," was his humble response. After helping him out of the car and into his house, we walked into the front foyer. It was decorated very tastefully, with nothing gaudy or over the top. It felt like a well lived in home, with an air of sophistication. The tan leather couches in the family room were big and well worn. The TV was gigantic and the toupee cream walls were lined with family portraits. I placed Mike on the sofa and put down his backpack. I needed to leave.
"Well, Mike, what time should I come gather you up?"
"Well school starts at 8:30. So is 8:00 am alright?"
"No problem, I'll be here, bushy tail and all. Do want any coffee with that order?" I was being sincere. I still felt terrible for what I had done to him.
"Um . . . if you are serious, I don't drink coffee. So any herbal tea will be fine." I was surprised by his answer, but just nodded my head. I would have to stop at the store as well as look for a job. My to-dolist was piling up.
"Sure, no problem, but I really need to go."
"Are you sure you can't stay longer? My head is really starting to hurt me." He was giving me puppy dog eyes. I rolled my eyes and play-scolded him.
"I know you aren't going to use your head on a regular occurrence. But I really do need to leave. I have to go around and try to find some job in a small town." Mike smiled at me with a stupid smile and I thought he was finally going around the bend.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Well, I am the answer to your troubles." I looked at him askance. "Well maybe that wasn't the right way to phase it. You see, Bella . . ." he started to say and I couldn't help myself.
"Usually with my eyes, Mike. What is your point?"
"If you would have let me finish, my family runs an outdoorsy store and we are looking for a part time employee. And yes, no experience is required. If it helps, I can put in an okay word for you. I have to take away some for the horrendous head injury." I didn't even care that he was teasing me, he was welcome to.
"Are you serious, Mike? I would kill for the job. I really need it."
"No sweat, Bella. The job is yours and you almost did kill me, so I guess you qualify for the position." I just rolled my eyes and gave him a big hug.
"You are the best, Mike."
"That's what all the girls say." He winked at me and the rest of the afternoon was spent talking and watching horrible talk shows on TV, and of course doing the dreaded science homework.
When his parents got home I was introduced and they offered me the job. After being forced to stay for dinner, I finally arrived home and reflected on my whirlwind first day.
My teachers were the spawn of Satan, Ms. Cope smelled like cats, more people blushed in Forks than anywhere else, Lauren had something stuck up an unmentionable orifice, Ben was a typical clueless male, the he/she gym teacher was (well I wasn't sure what it was, except) evil, I could make grown people cry with laughter, no one would want to be near me in Gym, I would kick the crap out of someone's forehead if they messed with me and I had a real friend in Mike. Not to mention a JOB (yay)!
As the days turned to weeks, and the weeks turned to months, Mike and I became more comfortable with each other. We had an easy friendship. He never asked me out again, which I was thankful for. We talked about life and school. We talked about books and what we wanted to do after graduation. Mike was my friend; he was a hell of a friend, even if he did follow me around like a puppy at times. But after a swift kick (just kidding); I never complained, too much, because he really did help me out a lot. I knew there was nothing he wouldn't do for me.
On the first day I was willing to write him off as some dumb, jock type. But after getting past the boyish behavior and the lost puppy routine, I found he had a big heart just like others, and I was so thankful to have him as my friend.
. . .
Jasper POV: present
For some reason, I wanted to find Mike and cut off, no, hack off his balls with a blunt machete. I knew there was no logical reason for me disliking him. He had helped my angel in her time of need and came to her rescue. That was the crux of my problem; I wanted to be the person who was there for her. I wanted to be the person she first turned to in a bad situation. I wanted to be the person Bella loved the most. I was a selfish creature, but there it was. I had to be honest with myself. I was simply jealous of Mike. He got to be there for Bella, and he got to love her. He was able to do for her what I couldn't, and it broke my heart.
"I'm sorry, Jasper. I guess I upset you again. I thought this part would have made you laugh."
"It's not that. It sounds like you and Mike were lucky to have each other's friendship. I just wish, and I know it's impossible, but I just wish I could have been the one you needed. You have helped me so many times in my life, and I just wanted to be that person for you, angel." Bella looked at me with water diamonds in her eyes. Now what did I say to make her cry?
"Don't you see, Jasper, you were that person. From the time you saved me as a little girl, I cast you in the role of my savior and protector. Not only in times of great need, but in times of joy; you were the person that was with me through it all. I never knew if we would every see each other again, that's just the nature of the world. But whether or not, I would always carry you with me. Please understand Jasper, because I don't know how else to explain. We met when I was a child and you became my best friend. It doesn't make any sense to me – this bizarre connection we share – but you are my friend.
"Little one, you are one hell of a person, and I also don't know how else to explain." I took her hand in mine and ran my fingers over the top of hers. They were so soft; her little hand looked too fragile in mine. I wanted to gather her in my arms and always keep the bad away, but I knew Bella had more of her story to tell. The little mother turned and faced me on the couch. A small smile had crept onto her lips and contentment was shining in her eyes; she was one hell of a girl, and for some reason it felt like worms invaded my stomach.
"So, my jealous friend," she started to say, but I wasn't going to let her get too far.
"Now, little one, you need to understand that . . ."
"Oh, Jazz, I understand all too well. You feel that Mike has taken your spot in my life, but no one could ever touch what was never theirs. You captured my soul first and never let go. Mike was there for me and became my wonderful friend. We understood each other and supported each other. If you would have been with me, I don't think Mike would have even captured my attention, but then I would have missed out on a wonderful relationship and I could never regret what Mike and I have, no matter how much I love and missed you, Jasper. That doesn't take away anything from you, my friend."
My heart felt the love I had for Bella all over again. There never seemed to be any cap on the space for my love regarding her.
"So, Bella, tell me what happened next."
"Well, as I was saying, Mike and I became pretty good friends. Once I realized he was this little puppy deep down who wanted to be loved and treated well, I got to see the real him, not the persona he showed to everyone else. After I started picking him up for school and helping him with Science, we got into an easy routine. We were friends with the others, but if there was ever a major problem, or the other one just wanted to talk, there was only the two of us. Mike would drive us to school one week and I'd take the next. He came over on Thursday nights to study and I would make him dinner. I went over his house on Sunday nights for dinner with his family. He worked almost the same schedule as me at the store, and we were nearly inseparable."
I was ready to add his dick to the missing appendage list, along with his balls. I was that angry with him.
"Then Mike started dating Jessica." I felt better after hearing that. He was okay to keep his penis for the time being.
"I told you she liked him and I finally encouraged him to give her a try. Not much changed between us. The only difference was, now instead of just him and me, we added Jess. It took some adjustment, but things finally started to click. They seemed happy enough together, and I tried to give them as much space as possible. I didn't want to intrude in their relationship. Their first fight happened when she found out he and I applied to the same places for college. They weren't even dating at the time when we applied, and she was mad. After finally showing her reason, she calmed down and things were fine again. In March, our acceptance letters started to show up and Mike and I were accepted into my dream school. It was just a pipe dream for me, something to hope and wish for, but in reality, I realized I would end up at Peninsula College."
I knew Bella underestimated her potential. There was no way any university would turn her down, and if they did, what a bunch of idiots.
"It took Mike a while to break through my stunned silence. I couldn't believe that my unspoken dream of going to Dartmouth came true. Their English department was amazing and since I was fifteen, I wanted to attend. A few days later, Mike received his letter, and just like that we were both going to my dream college. He had planned to stay closer to home because his father wasn't doing so well, but after some encouragement from his family, he decided to come with me."
Bella's face looked serene as she lived one of her happy moments in life. Every face she showed to me was beautiful; she lived her emotions on her sleeve. I didn't have to be empathic to know her feelings.
"School finally was coming to an end. My mother had finally given up hope of me returning. She couldn't even threaten me because I was an adult. I never discussed the monster and if she tried, I would either change the subject or hang up. I never saw or heard from him. My life was happy, and the trauma he put me through was finally behind me. Prom came and I had already decided that there was absolutely no way in HELL I was going. Mike tried to convince me, but after threatening him with my butcher knife and the how-the-possibilities-were-endless-on-cooking-his- private-part speech," Bella turned a bright red trying to tell me how she would cut his penis off, "he backed off and finally learned I wasn't going."
That was my little angel, amazing.
"About midnight . . ."
. . .
I hated the thought of Prom. It held no interest for me, the idea of paying over two hundred dollars for a dress and wearing heels were such a killer. I couldn't spend my money on such frivolous things. Mike had offered to buy me a dress, but I couldn't let him. He was dating Jessica; it wouldn't have been fair. I just didn't want to go.
The gym had been decorated in the finest colored toilet paper and the tables that were set up had corresponding colors on the table cloths. The music wasn't my style and the thought of getting dry-humped by the rest of the senior class wasn't appealing. So I rented Carrie, ordered a pizza and made popcorn; my perfect idea of prom night, without the terrible hangover, and no idea of whom I had gone to bed with. Other people had an amazing time at school events such as prom, but I wasn't one of them. I guess I was a cynical person after all.
"That is just sick on so many levels," I cried as Carrie had blood poured over her head. Right as the girl was leaning over the grave and Carrie made a sudden grab for her, to bring her down into the dirt . . .
(KNOCK)
I jumped about five feet in the air and spilt the rest of the popcorn all over me. My heart was racing and about to gallop right out of my chest. I turned down the volume and looked out the window.
"What is he doing here?" I asked myself as I reached for the door handle.
"Bella, I'm sorry to show up like this, but Jess and I just broke up." Mike looked like a drowned rat who was about to cry. My heart was already breaking for him. He was my friend, and I didn't want to see him hurt.
"Come in and tell me what happened." I stepped out of the way. Mike walked into the living room and sat on the floor. His blond hair was plastered to his face and his cheeks were flushed from his terrible night. After I got him a clean towel from the linen closet, I walked into the living room and he looked up. I could see the sadness flashing in his baby blues.
"What happened, M?" I called him by his nickname.
"I found out Jess was talking a bunch of shit, so I called her out. When she finally admitted it, I said goodbye and left. I wasn't sure where to go so I walked over here. I really am sorry. It looks like I interrupted a hot date," he joked, giving me a sad little smile.
"The movie was over anyway, and to be honest, it scared the crap out of me." Mike laughed a genuine laugh. The silence settled over us once again. I started to fidget as his stare became more intense.
"I could never have another friend like you, Bella. You are perfect in every way." His eyes were alive with seriousness and the tension that started to choke me became uncomfortable. What could I say to a comment like that?
"Um . . . thanks, Mike, but you're wrong. You seriously overestimate my . . ."
"No, Bella, you underestimate your self-worth. You are your most serve critic, and so much of what you think about yourself is unfounded. You are smart, caring, beautiful and like no other. From the moment I was dumb enough to sit at your table, and ask if you were Bella, I have been blessed. So please, let me be right and don't argue with me for once. And don't even think about rolling your eyes."
Well, I guess someone knew me too well. There was only one thing I could do. A very old tactic: change the subject.
"So what was Jess saying, and you can tell me. You don't have to protect me all the time."
"I guess I'm not the only one who knows too much about the other. You don't really need to know, Bella. It was just childish shit." Didn't I just tell him not to protect me?
"Come on, M. I'm a big girl; I can even dress myself and tie my shoes. So please stop babying me and tell me what she said." BOYS!
"Fine, let's see. She said I was an asshole who had my head stuck so far up your ass that I could probably see when you were going to have your next bowel movement, and that is putting it lightly for your sensible ears." All I could do was laugh at the absurdity of the statement. Mike looked at me like I was crazy, but that crap was funny.
"Mike, she's just jealous. She likes you so much and she feels threatened. It really is a shame she is dumb."
"I know, Bella, but she didn't have to shout that shit out for everyone and their dog to hear. It turns out the bitch was also telling people that you and I were sleeping together the entire time she and I were dating. I may not have been the best boyfriend, but I would never disrespect her by sleeping with someone else. That shit was too low and I couldn't take any more. So I told her goodbye, have a nice life and to fuck off. Then I made my dramatic exit. I wasn't going to listen to anymore garbage."
The smile wouldn't be kept from my face.
"Well, I'm sorry for how things ended between the both of you, but she really had no right to say those things, and in front of everyone. But look on the bright side; we have three more weeks of high school and two months of summer before it's off to the real world known as college. Jess will have to learn to grow up, but don't make her problem yours. On Monday, hold your chin up, ignore her, and if all else fails you could always tell her to eff off again, but I would personally spit gum in her hair and call her a dodo head or poop head, which ever you prefer. And that is what I call taking the mature way out."
My friend just laughed until we were finally both in tears. Mike was great and Jess was one stupid (not to mention poop head) girl, for breaking up with him.
When we were able to breathe again, Mike reached over and pulled me into a hug. It was a beautiful hug shared between friends that loved and respected each other. I pulled back and looked into his face, giving him a bright smile.
"You know that I love you, right?"
"Yeah, Bella, I know."
"You also know that you just got me all wet, right?"
"Are you sure that was me? I think you peed in your pants from your fright and now you are trying to blame me," was his brilliant response. "I won't tell anyone that Carrie scared you." I rolled my eyes this time and got off the floor.
"I'm going to go change, you are going to change also and then we are going to eat the rest of my cold pizza, make some more popcorn, put in another movie, and forget this night even happened. How does that sound?"
"That sounds amazing, Bella, but if you throw in a beer you got yourself a deal."
"That would be found at the amazing after prom party you seem to be missing right now. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to go. I'll just eat my food and watch my movies on my own," I joked with him.
"Fine, my too good friend. We will skip the beers and drink milk, sound good to you?"
"Throw in the chocolate and you have a deal. I almost forgot the bendy straws." I winked at him while we made our way up the stairs. After getting him his spare clothes he kept at my house (because let's face it, we lived in Washington State where the state bird is a falling rain drop, and who likes to sit in wet clothes), we both changed and reconvened in the living room.
"You rented 'Carrie', 'She's All That' and 'Not Another Teen Movie', yet you refused to go to Prom?" Mike asked while looking at me like I was crazy.
What's your point, MIKE?" I said while placing my hands on my hips and pretending to be mad.
"Nothing. I just learned that I will never understand GIRLS." And I knew he was right. We were a complicated breed. And we intended for it to stay like that.
"Never fear, you aren't supposed too."
After debating each movie and the merit of each, we finally settled in to watch "She's All That', chocolate milk and all. We made fun of the movie through its entirety, arguing about the best teen movie of all. When no one was declared a winner, I went to get up but my wrist was held in place by Mike's hand. I looked at him in confusion; a serious look was plastered on his visage.
"What's the problem, M? Did you want to tell me something?" I asked, uncertainly. Mike pulled me down, and I willingly sat next to him on the couch; the blanket lay forgotten at my feet. He leaned forward and I inhaled. He pulled me into another hug; I inwardly cursed myself for such a reaction. Mike was my friend, there was no reason to feel shy and timid with him. He released me slightly before whispering in my ear.
"Thanks for being such an amazing person. I only wish the world was filled with girls like you. This night went from horrible to wonderful just at the sight of you. You somehow make everything better, just by being you." I shivered lightly from his hot breath hitting my ear. Mike kissed my temple before pulling back. My throat became dry and something erupted in my stomach. This had never happened before to me. I felt like I was going to panic. What was happening to us?
He pulled back and I could see the love on his face. Everything he just said to me was written on his boyish features. He smiled and my favorite dimple greeted me. My hand seemed to come out of nowhere and placed itself on his cheek. He leaned into my hand, his smile became even bigger.
"You make my life better, also. I came here with no prospect of having any friends or even the possibility of a job, and with one kick to the forehead, my life changed. You have made it so wonderful. We fight, argue, laugh, sometimes I cry; however, we both blush. But what I want to say is, I have enjoyed each and every moment with you."
Mike leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead. This was a moment I would always remember. The next moment was one I would always cherish. He looked into my eyes and finally brought his lips to mine. They were different than I expected: soft, yielding and somewhat supple. His lips ghosted over mine and sent a peaceful feeling throughout my body. My fingers and feet began to tingle and the butterflies assaulted my stomach. I tentatively brushed my lips over his, allowing him to take charge. He deepened the kiss, slowly running his tongue over mine. It was beautiful and intimate. After one more kiss to my bottom lip, he pulled back. A smile graced the lips that were just on mine. My hands found their way to my mouth; I looked him in the eyes. They were filled with love and friendship.
"Thanks, my friend," was his soft response before he changed the subject for good.
"Do you want to watch 'Not Another Teen Movie' or watch some TV?" I was still stuck on what happened earlier and didn't register what he had said. Mike pulled my hair back and placed it behind my ear.
"Breath, Bella, it's going to be fine," he reassured. After finally taking the hint, I opened my mouth, allowing oxygen to fill my body.
"I'm sorry." I didn't know if I was apologizing for the kiss or my lack of speech.
"There's nothing to be sorry about. We kissed, it was perfect. We're friends, Bella, nothing will change that. Now, we are going to watch the last movie and just enjoy our friendship." And with that, we did exactly what he said.
The first half hour was tense for me, but after him making fun of the faces I was making and my silence, I started to unwind and just enjoy 'our friendship'. The rest of the night passed with us watching the rest of the movie, playing board games and eventually falling asleep while talking about what we wanted out of life.
When I woke up in the morning, I found breakfast on the table and a note saying:
Thanks for being my beautiful friend. Last night was filled with memories I will take with me everywhere and remember always. You are the best Bella and I love you, my friend.
~ Michael
I cried a little at the simple note while eating my slightly cold breakfast of runny eggs and burnt bacon. My friend was wonderful. I didn't know what I did to deserve him. The rest of the year passed and nothing else happened. We finished classes, walked, received our 'diploma's' (The real ones would come in the mail) and attended the Graduation parties. Life returned to normal. Our kiss was never mentioned.
The summer passed with days at the beach, work and much needed down time. We read, ate out and spent time with his family. We even took a weekend trip to Seattle. The summer finally wound down and with much packing and tearful goodbye's, Mike and I drove our separate cars to Dartmouth College to start our new lives.
Of course I wouldn't forget my parting line to Mike's ex, she did have it coming. I was walking to my last class on the last day and she just had to start something. I turned around and said:
"I'm not going to stoop to your level, Jessica. All I have to say to you is good job. You ruined something good that had the potential to be amazing. If you actually put in half the time into your relationship that you did with rumors and jealousy, it might have worked out, but I guess you will never know. Mike and I are friends and he is incredible. He would have never done any of those things you accused him of. We are almost done with high school and it's time for you to grow up. I really hope you do, Jess, because the world isn't going to be put on hold for you to grow up. So grow up you, poop head, and if you need that in plain English: fuck off, bitch."
With those parting words, I turned around and walked away with the applause of half the school following me.
. . .
Jasper's POV: present
I was in shock, not only from her 'kiss' with Mike, but the thought of her being at Dartmouth. Emmett and Rose were at Dartmouth the same time she was. After we all graduated from Forks High, I went off to premed and Emmett and Rose went off on another honeymoon to reconnect. They were one of the most connected couples I knew and not just emotionally and spiritually (if you catch my drift). After a year hiatus from the family, they rejoined Esme and Carlisle before enrolling in the same college as me. After they finally graduated for the umpteenth time, and thought about the next step, they decided to attend Dartmouth. They tried to persuade me to move, but I wouldn't budge. I was already established in my program, and I didn't want to start over.
Carlisle and Esme also tried to convince me, but I was too hardheaded. My reasoning's were simple. I wanted to take school seriously. I didn't want any distractions from the family or any help from Carlisle. I wanted to prove my worth and I wanted him to be proud. Also Emmett was just a distraction by himself. He was a man-child, and it almost took the entire family just to control him. He was a major distraction I just couldn't afford.
But all of my reasoning now seemed in vain. Bella had been in New Hampshire, not far from my family, and I had the chance to be with her years sooner. My dead heart cracked into a thousand pieces. I wanted to weep for the loss. I knew it was all over and done with, but it didn't lessen my pain. There was never any guarantee that I would have met her sooner, but there was the possibility, and I missed the opportunity because of my pride. Bella must have seen the sadness displayed in my eyes, because she laced our fingers and ran soothing circles on my cold, dead skin.
"Why is it that every time I finish one of my stories, you seem so sad, Jasper?"
"It's really quite simple, angel. I wasn't in them. I know it is very selfish of me, but I want to be honest with you. I also realized that I had the potential to find you years before now, and the time just seems wasted. My family wanted me to move here and go to the one and only Dartmouth, but I refused them. My siblings were going there at the time, and I didn't want any distraction while in med school. I also wanted to do well and get all the opportunities from my hard work and not through the merits of my father. It all just seems like wasted time," I finished more to myself than her.
"You're so wrong, Jasper! Your time wasn't wasted," she implored me, "Yes, there was the possibility we could have met sooner, but it was only a possibility. There were never any guarantees. Your time has been spent so wisely. You have done incredibly well, and I don't even know your full history. But from what I've seen, you are amazing. Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting to stand alone and get your accomplishments on your own. Sometimes it can be a lonely road with no one to share it with, but that is not your case. You seem very close to your family and when you speak about them, your eyes fill with love. I always wished we would meet again – after the airport – and now we have. I wish it was sooner, but it wasn't and I have to say I am glad."
My heart broke again at her words. She didn't want me in her life. My angel didn't want me near her, and I could understand. I was a monster for so many years and had done so many things that there weren't enough books to fill the pages. Bella must have finally realized this and my heart just broke. What was I to do? At this point, I needed her in my life. I didn't think I could go on without her. She was my best friend, and in the last three days, Bella had become my world again. It made no sense, but there it was.
"You are misunderstanding my words." I looked at her in confusion and she just smiled (at a time like this I might add). "I always, and I mean always, want you in my life; make no mistake." My heart started to mend some of the broken pieces at her words. "But if you would have come into my life sooner, my world would have been consumed by you. You just have this thing about you. Whenever you are near me, everything disappears and the only thing remaining is you, my best friend. We have such a weird friendship that I couldn't even begin to describe it, and it just consumes us. If you would have been here sooner, I wouldn't have my baby, and I could never regret it, not even for you, Jasper. It literally hurts me to say that because of our connection, but I could never regret my baby. He or she is a part of me, just like you are!" she finished with a sweet smile on her pink lips.
"I understand, Bella, and thanks. I could never ask you to resent being pregnant with your child. I myself am already half in love, and I have only met your baby a few days ago. We also seem to share some kind of connection. Whenever I talk to him or her, I can feel this vibe between us. It's amazing!" I finished with a goofy smile on my face. Bella giggled.
"Sorry, I was rambling again, it seems." If vampires could blush, I'd be scarlet. And don't think I forgot about Mike kissing her, my innocent little angel. He would now be losing an arm and possibly a leg, along with his cock and balls.
"You know, Jasper," she started to say. "I understand what you're talking about. The first time I learned I was pregnant, I was completely terrified, but the next day, I really didn't need any more time, I realized I had this little bundle of a person in me and he or she was going to be a part me. I was amazed and scared at the same time, but in the midst of all these feeling, I was just in love with my baby. It is one of my fondest memories, thinking about falling in love with my child." A dreamy look covered her face, the love of her child written all over her beautiful features. The love I felt from her was so overwhelming, and I felt a little high. One very important question stilled remained.
"So, do you want to hear what happened next or just call it a day?" I looked at her face and could see the strain from the day and the emotions she relived in telling me her story. I didn't want her under unneeded stress, so I had my answer even though I was very anxious to hear the rest.
"I would love to hear the rest of your story, angel, but I think you need a breather. What do you think?"
"No, you're probably right. I am feeling pretty tired." Bella stood up and she started to fall back down. I immediately caught her as she sat back on the couch.
"Are you all right?" Worry laced my voice as I asked my angel about her fall.
"I'm fine, Jasper. I must have been more tired than I realized. I think I'll just go to bed; it's been a very long day." I wasn't ready to leave her yet, but what else could I do.
"Well I think I might head on home then." I could feel her panic start to rise, just like when I was about to leave her hospital room. My heart soared at the thought, but I also felt sad at her feeling fright at anything. "What's wrong, Bella?"
"I'm sorry, Jasper. I know you need to leave and I'm just being selfish. Please don't worry about me."
"You can ask me anything, and I would never think you selfish. Now what would you like?"
"Well, I know we hardly know each other, and you just came back into my life, not to mention you bringing me home and making sure I'm alright, but would it be too much trouble to ask you to stay. I know it's asking a lot and you would rather have your own bed but . . ."
"Bella, stop and breathe for me. It's no problem. If you'd like me to stay, I can. I would just need to run to my apartment and get a change of clothes. Would that be fine with you? I would be no longer than an hour." She smiled and gave me a silent nod.
.
As I left her apartment, I thought of all I had learned about her life. She had been through a lot, but she was still the amazing, sweet girl that I had first met. I couldn't wait to hear about the rest and find out the answer to the question my mind kept repeating like a broken record.
.
.
Author's Note: Well there you have it, the first part of Bella's back story. There will be more to come. This chapter was already very long, and the next one is shaping up to be almost the same length.
A very special thanks to Calliso for the help with this chapter. You are awesome!
Much love as always!
Posted: Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Edited: Tuesday, 10 January 2012
*Note – there will still be errors. I try to find them all, but even I'm flawed . . . LOL. If you find any, please don't hesitate to PM me. I welcome all corrections!