Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Jasper is so wonderful and handsome . . . oh, sorry my mind must have wandered. . .
Author's Notes: Hello lovelies, I hope this chapter finds everyone well. I just quickly wanted to thank everyone who has continued to read. I also want to thank all of those who have added me to their favorites and alerts. And as always, a very special thanks to all of those who reviewed, and given me their thoughts and criticisms. They are always welcomed. Also, an extra special thank you to the wonderful Karen E Teague. I know you are busy so I appreciate the time you put into checking the chapter.
So here is the chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. I'm a little nervous about what everyone will think, but I hope you like it, nonetheless.
Without further ado . . . much love.
Chapter Twenty-Six
7 October - Wednesday
"Bella I know you cheated." I said through gritted teeth. There was no way she could beat me at poker. There was no one who could beat me, well except maybe Esme, but she just didn't count.
"Awe is the poor little baby sad because the big bad Bella beat him at his own game?" She said in a saccharine voice, thinking she was just so adorable.
"Bella not only am I the best at poker east of the Mississippi, but I am by far a baby. I happen to know that you cheated in some way. There is one only person who can beat me at this game . . . and I plead the fifth on the answer." I finished quickly as her curiosity spiked. "So tell me this instant how you cheated, and I may be lenient on your punishment." I said in a strict voice. Bella looked over at me in contemplation. I could see her eyes take in every inch of my face as she decided on telling me the truth. Her finger played at her lips as she regarded me with her poker face. "Well," I finally asked after a few moments of silence.
"You want to know the absolute truth Jazz?" She asked in an innocent voice, but I could feel her mirth.
"Of course you little demon angel." Bella gave somewhat of a snort giggle, completely ruining her poker face. Her cheeks flushed at her embarrassment, and I couldn't help but laugh at her. She glared at me, but I couldn't stop. She crooked her finger at me, beckoning me to come closer to her. I warily leaned over the table, making sure she wasn't up to something nefarious. Bella brought her mouth to my ear, and I could feel her hot breath caress my cold skin. She leaned in closer until her lips touched my lobe, and I had to hold back a shutter.
"The truth is Jasper," She said in a near whisper, her voice almost sounding baritone, "I'm just naturally better than you." She finished while kissing the side of my ear. That little kitten sure was dangerous, and I sure did enjoy my days off from work.
I turned my head until my lips were inches from her. I watched as my breath mingled with hers, and allowed her to become uncomfortable with my closeness. Her eyes were almost impossibly green. "That you are angel." I said quietly. Bella, of course, blushed, but all I could do was smile at her reaction. I moved even closer to her and placed my cold lips to the corner of her mouth and spoke, "In every way that matters." I finished by pressing my lips into her skin, and pulled back.
Bella brought her hand to my face, and I could feel the sincerity with each word she uttered, "Your wrong Jasper." She then took her hand from my face, sat down, picked up her cards and proceeded to kick my ass for the next three hands.
"Would you like the slaughtering to continue or would you to prefer to keep your tail between your legs and back out?" Oh, her mouth could be dirty at times.
As I was about to answer her I heard someone approaching the door. My nerves started to go hay wire. Bella took in my reaction, and I could feel her own worry on my behalf start to spike. I wasn't ready for this. "Are you alright Jasper?" She asked and then the door bell rang. Bella looked confused for a moment, and then realized someone was at the door.
My mind quickly started to reel. It had only been three weeks since I had Bella in my life again. I still wasn't ready to share her with anyone, but I knew my solo time with her was over. Besides work and occasionally talking to my family on the phone, I had lived with Bella in seclusion. I cherished each and every second she had to offer. With Bella simply coming into my life on an unexpected evening, she had simply become my world. It seemed that every second of my time revolved around her every move and her every breath. I loved Bella beyond eternity, and I just wanted her to myself. I was beyond a selfish creature, Bella deserved to shine for all (no matter how much she may have disagreed). She had brought life to my lifeless life, and she was my angel.
"Jasper would you like me to answer the door?" She asked in a small voice. She was starting to become scared from my silence and it was this more than anything that finally broke me from my thoughts. There was another knock at the door, more insistence than the last. Bella jumped at the unexpected noise, and I grabbed her hand to quell her fear.
I took a few seconds to look Bella in the face. She was a delicate creature, beautifully imperfect and eternally my friend. Her face showed her fear, but she was still lovely in her fear. I gave her a weak smile, and her shaky lips returned it. Her face was flushed from her fear, but the longer I smiled at her the more at ease she became. I only wanted for Bella to be happy; every cell in my long dead body craved her happiness. I gently squeezed her hand, and with much reluctance I tenderly placed her hand on the table, and made my way to the door. I looked back to my angel and spoke to her as quietly as possible.
"It may be best if you wait in your room for just a while angel. There is nothing to fear I just need to deal with this on my own for the time being. I'll come get you in a while. Is that alright with you?" I asked her. Bella took in my words and slowly got up from the table, then approached me. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and pulled me down until my head was resting on her shoulder. She brought one of her hands to my forehead, removed the hair that always lingered there, and pushed it behind my ear. I could feel her breath on my neck as she finally spoke.
"It fine Jazz, and remember if you need me, I'm only a door away. Don't worry about me." She whispered, but was hard to hear over the pounding and yelling from my front door. Bella placed a kiss on my forehead where her hand lingered and then she retreated into her room. After I heard her door shut I took one more breath to prepare myself for the storm that waited me on the other side.
After I made my way to the door, I put my hand on the knob and turned it, knowing that my time with Bella as just my own was over. The thought made me sad beyond reason. The knocking had finally stopped and I knew that my presence was known. The door was opened and I looked into the face of the person who had robbed me of my angel.
"About time Jasper," She said and launched herself into my arms. I was taken aback by her response, but simply wrapped my arms around her back while trying to sooth my sobbing sister. Rose was never one to really show her more sensitive emotions so I knew she was genuinely distraught. Her hands fisted in my shirt and all I could was look over her shoulder and stare into the face of her husband. Emmett looked more upset than I had seen in a while. He tried giving me a reassuring smile, telling me silently that everything was fine, but I could feel his emotions and I knew differently. I continued to rub circles in Rose's back, hoping to calm her down.
"How could you Jasper, after all these years? I don't understand?" She asked in a voice filled with disbelief and grief. I was beyond perplexed by her question, and her swirling emotions of anger, regret, and loyalty. Again I looked at Emmett, and his face displayed the emotions that I had felt from Rose.
"Rose, I understand you are upset and almost inconsolable, but could you perhaps explain to me what you are talking about? Or maybe you would like to tell me what is going on Emmett?" I looked to him, but he looked at his feet, not having the strength to look me in the eye. I started to become angry at their behavior and lack of explanation. I gently pried Rose from my chest and looked into her venom stained eyes. "Please Rose enlighten to me?"
She gave me a sad look before she finally spoke, "I can smell the lingering human Jasper." She finally answered in a small voice. Her emotions spiked again and once again I could feel her regret on my behalf. Her answer still seemed to elude my intelligence until something finally clicked. Her anger was manifested because she thought I had slipped. She thought that I had actually taken the life of another human. Her regret must have been because she wasn't able to reach me in time from preventing my supposed slip, and her loyalty was her standing by me no matter the consequences. I wasn't sure what emotion to feel. There was my own anger at their assumption, and my love for them standing beside me in my supposed moment of weakness.
"Rose . . . you are . . ." I tried to explain, but was interrupted.
"Esme as has been beside herself with grief Jasper. She has cried to Carlisle not understanding what she has done to cause you to alienate yourself from the family. Of course she blames herself. Carlisle has tried to comfort her, but has no idea why her son won't talk to her. Alice keeps to herself, trying to hide her visions from the rest of the family. Alice knows how you feel about her seeing or prying into your life. Edward does his best in comforting Esme, but is also having a hard time reassuring her. She loves you beyond measure Jasper, and your seclusion from the family has hurt her." She finished, but I could also feel her pain from my absence.
"I'm sorry Rose. I never meant to cause such pain." I wasn't sure what else to say to rectify my mistake. All I had wanted was to spend time with Bella, not to cause such problems with my family.
"How could you have slipped Jasper?" She asked but continued before she allowed me to answer. I was surprised that she was even able to speak in her distraught state. "It doesn't even matter. I know understand why you've kept your distance from the family. But you have to know it wouldn't matter Jasper. We all love you no matter what you've done." She finally stopped. I was angry that that would be her first postulation. I was also a little touched by her absolute love for me, and my battered past.
"Rose, Emmett," I said more harshly than I meant. I guess I was more upset than I had thought. She immediately pulled away from me, sensing my anger, and backed into her husband. "I'm sorry for startling you, but please try and calm yourself." Rose wiped her eyes and hissed as a tear of venom caught her finger. Emmett looked at Rose and kissed her cheek. After all was finally calm I knew they had finally heard what they had missed all along, two heart beats.
"Jasper, brother what is going on?" Emmett finally spoke. His face would have been humorous if not for the severity of the situation. He looked like a little kid that was placed on Santa's lap, and began crying from the shock of seeing a strange man holding you.
"Please allow me to explain. Come in and have a seat. I'll try and answer all your questions. Emmett and Rose came into the front room and looked at me with expectant faces.
"Well," they both said in unison.
"The heart beat you hear is from my friend.
"Why is the second heartbeat quicker than the first Jasper?" Rose asked, not really knowing the reason. I hesitated before I told her.
"She's pregnant Rose, and the second heartbeat you here is the baby." Rose gasped and I was right in being cautious about telling her. I could feel heartache coming from my sister, her ache in never having the opportunity at having her own child and never being pregnant. It was always her fondest dream to become a mother. I knew she would have given everything including her looks to become someone's mother. She and Esme shared that bond together. And then I could feel my sister's awe, her wonder at being so close to an unborn child and hearing its tiny heartbeat. Her face showed her astonishment and I knew it mirrored my own every time I listened to Bella's little miracle.
"May I meet her Jasper?" Rose asked with trepidation and longing in her voice. I knew that no matter everyone else's reaction, Bella had a friend in Rose, probably the hardest won person in my family. I was more grateful than ever, at the time, that Bella was pregnant. I looked at my sister's eager face and nodded.
"Please promise me you'll be nice, and respectful towards her Rose. I love you but at times you can, quite frankly, be a scary bitch." Rose scowled at me. I knew if at any other time I had made such a comment to her I would have been hunted down, but since Rose was preoccupied with the baby's heartbeat she simply let it pass. Emmett laughed at my statement and he received a hit to the back of the head, but chose not to say anything else.
"I promise Jasper, now will you please allow her to come out of hiding?" She finally broke and asked in a sarcastic voice. I knew there were many things I had to tell them about Bella, and also our past, but looking at Rose's face and her bubbling excitement I knew I couldn't hold off any longer.
I got up from the couch and made my way to Bella's door. I could feel Rose's anticipation and smiled. I reached out to Bella, and could still sense her concern for me. She was also calm, and I knew she was rubbing her protruding tummy, something that always calmed her. I gently knocked on her door and waited for her to answer. I was knocked back once again that day, and my arms were filled with another person. Bella's stomach hit mine as her tiny arms wound around my neck.
"Is everything alright Jasper? I was concerned for you?" She said in a small voice.
"No worries, angel. Everything's fine. There is someone who would like to meet you." I said with animation in my voice, trying to calm her nerves. Bella looked at me with surprise on her face. It was probably the last thing she was expecting me to say. "Are you up to meeting someone?"
"Who is it?" Bella asked while fiddling with her fingers.
"My sister and brother," Bella's excitement almost matched Rose's and once again I was taken aback by her reaction.
"Of course Jazz, I would love to meet your family?" And then I could feel her apprehension. "Are they aware of me being pregnant Jasper?" She was cute in her uncertainty.
"Yes Bella and they are also anxious to meet you, especially my sister Rose. You have already met Emmett, if you recall when you tried to bring him down at the frat party." Bella face turned plum red, and I smirked at her reaction, she was too easy at times. "Are you ready?" She took in a deep breath and nodded her head. I grabbed her hand and immediately felt our connection. I gave a light squeeze to her hand and led her out to the firing squad. I started to feel a little scared myself. Rose was notorious for her treating people like shit, and I was afraid she would revert to her ways, scaring Bella beyond belief in the process. I prayed to every god in existence to please help control my sister.
We finally turned the corner and Bella jumped.
"It's you." Emmett yelled and started to laugh. Rose looked on with confusion, and Bella stared at Rose. I knew she was taken aback by her beauty. There were few who weren't affected by her beauty. "I remember you from the party." Emmett continued to yell, bringing Bella's attention to him. I knew that Emmett had heard us talking and had finally figured out who Bella was.
"Hi Emmett, long time no see." Bella replied timidly. "You haven't changed in the least." And again her blush intensified. I knew she was remembering our conversation about his looks and I smiled at the memory. Emmett just looked confused, and Rose gave Bella an indulgent smile. I just loved when Emmett was confused, he added so much to the environment.
"Hi Bella. I'm Rose, Jasper's sister and favorite sibling." Rose slowly got up from the couch and approached Bella. She extended out her hand towards Bella and Bella grabbed it enthusiastically, but immediately let go. Again for what felt like the hundredth time that day, I was taken aback. Bella turned back into a red tomato and Rose looked a little hurt at the rejection. Emmett was still confused.
"I'm terribly sorry Rose. Please don't think I was trying to offend or snub you," the ever observant Bella said while noticing Rose's reaction, "I was surprised at the temperature of your hand. It was just a little cold." Bella tried to hide her blush behind her brown hair. This was the biggest shock of all, and I knew that my sister was also surprised; Bella could feel the coldness of her skin, but not mine. And in that moment Rose knew that I hadn't told Bella about my 'condition' and my past. I could feel her anger at my dishonesty to Bella, but I chose to ignore her. Rose recovered from her shock. I once again wondered at Bella's and my connection to one another and what made my skin warm to her touch.
"Sorry Bella, I know my skin has a tendency to become cold at times. Poor circulation," She said in her dry humor trying to tell as much truth as she could.
"Sorry for my overreaction Rose. I really was just surprised." Bella said while looking at Rose in awe again. "You're so beautiful" She blurted out and then looked the other way. I already knew the color of her face.
"Thanks Bella and I can also see that you are beautiful." Rose said sincerely, and I knew she was talking more than just Bella outward appearance. "Emmett, come over here and introduce yourself," Rose demanded, and Emmett still in a state of bewilderment reached out his hand and took Bella's. She didn't react like she had done with Rose, being more prepared, but I could still feel her fascination with the unnatural coldness of their skin. One would think she would be a little frightened, but not Bella.
"So you're pregnant." Emmett stated stupidly, and Rose became immediately embarrassed by Emmett's introduction.
"Emmett what the hell?" Rose yelled, and Emmett looked over at her.
"What," He yelled in retaliation. Rose scoffed at him.
"What do you think she is carrying? A beach ball," Bella looked stunned by their interaction, but I gave her a smile, silently telling her this was a regular occurrence. My angel understood my silent message and a smile broke her beautiful face.
"Please ignore Captain Obvious Bella. We all do, and once you become accustomed to his lack of brain cells, you will love him also." She explained with a smile. Emmett was just too funny.
"So when are you due? You look ready to pop at any moment." Emmett asked calmly, and Rose's mouth dropped open and looked on with horror clearly written in her eyes. Bella looked over at me silently asking if 'is he really saying these things'. I shrugged my shoulder and looked back to Emmett.
Not knowing what else to say Bella looked at Emmett and answered him honestly, "I'm eight month pregnant and have about two more months until my delivery due date."
"So who is the father?" Emmett unceremoniously asked? Rose finally came out of her stupor and found her voice.
"Emmett what in the hell is going on with you?" He ignored her and continued.
"Are you married or are you having a child out of wedlock?"
SLAP
"Damn it Rosie."
"Emmett that is beyond so inappropriate. How could you say such a mean thing? I thought you were beyond this kind of hateful bullshit?" Rose said, tears coming to her eyes. Bella looked sadden by Rose's tears, and Emmett looked like a lost puppy. I knew something had to change. My conscience started to catch up with me.
"Rose, please don't blame Emmett." I pleaded with her.
"Jasper you heard the horrid things that came out of his mouth. He deserves everything that I have to say." More tears clouded her eyes. Emmett started to say something else, but I cut him off.
"It was my fault Rose."
"How Jasper?" She asked incredulously
"I used my gift on him. I could feel his confusion from the start and used that as a basis. I hit him with what I call Blissfully Ignorant. It made him lose his sense, and say what he was thinking. If I had known it would have affected both you and Bella so much I wouldn't have done it. So please don't be mad at Emmett." Rose looked at me with a smirk on her beautiful face, and once again I knew I'd been had. The tears disappeared from her eyes and were replaced with mirth.
"I know Jazz." She said with that infuriating smirk on her lips. "From just one look I can see the love and protectiveness you have for Bella. You would have never allowed Emmett to say such things to her without challenging him to a duel. I knew almost from the beginning you were somehow affecting our poor Emmett, although probably not as much as you think." She finished and turned her smirk onto her better half. I was as flabbergasted as Emmett looked. Damn Rose was one hell of an actress.
"Touché sister."
"You mean you were affecting my speech Jasper?" Emmett asked and Bella gave a little giggle. I gave her an affectionate smile, losing myself in her joy.
"Of course Emmett, you were too good of an opportunity to pass up. Call it a little revenge for Edward. It's not fun to be the ass of a joke." I said sagely looking at him.
"I'll get your ass back for this Jazz. You have messed with the wrong vampire. When you least expect it, I'll be there and you will be toast." The big bear said then gave a sort of maniacal laugh.
"Language Emmett," Rose scolded, forgetting her own slip, "there is a baby present."
"The thing isn't even born yet Rosie; I hardly think it can understand me." Emmett pointed out rather bluntly. I looked over at Bella and noticed her face, and then I became scared. The time in the room came to a stop and the only thing I could register was Bella's face. Emmett and Rose continued on oblivious to what was going on outside of their argument.
It isn't a thing Emmett. It's a child, and regardless of age it is impressionable. So try and set an example
Rosie the child as you said isn't even born yet. Does it even have any ears to hear me?
Their conversation was back ground noise that filtered into my ears as I continued to look at the shaken expression on my angel's face. The look was something I had always been alarmed about, something that I never wanted to ever see directed at me, fear.
"Jasper," Bella whispered in an almost destroyed voice, and my heart broke. Tears came to my eyes, and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around my scared angel, and bring semblance back to her world. Emmett and Rose stopped arguing and realized something was wrong. Bella took her face from mine and looked over to Rose and Emmett.
"Rose," Bella said in a sad voice. I knew that Bella had already accepted her because she was a part of me. Real tears came to Rose's eyes as she looked over at her new friend.
"Bella please, don't be frightened. I promise we would never harm you, sweetie or your unborn child."
"Rose, could you and Emmett please leave? I need to talk to Bella in privacy." Rose looked at me with a written apologize on her face, but I knew it wasn't her fault. It was my own: my dishonesty, my procrastination, and my constant fear. "I don't blame you Rose, you or Emmett."
Rose grabbed Emmett by the hand walked over to me and placed a small kiss on my cheek. "Everything will be fine Jasper. It has to be brother. You deserve to be happy." Emmett opened his mouth to apologize, but I gave him a comforting smile, something I didn't feel at all. He simply nodded and followed Rose. She stopped by Bella and also gave her an impulsive kiss on the cheek. Bella didn't flinch, and didn't take her eyes from mine. "Please know he loves you Bella." Rose pleaded.
Bella took her eyes from mine, picked up Rose's hand, and placed it on her stomach. She must have noticed Rose's fascination with her child. Rose's intake of breath and the silly smile on her face answered my question, the baby had kicked. More unbridled tears came to Rose's eyes as she rubbed Bella's stomach, kissed her cheek once more, and left with Emmett in tow and a smile on her face. I was happy that my sister was able to experience something so wonderful and yet natural at the same time. She had wanted a child so very much and it wasn't fair that the opportunity was taken from her by the very person she had loved and trusted.
The sound of the door closing brought me out of my mind and into a world of uncertainty. My angel looked at me with mystification on her face and tears sliding down her face.
"Bella please allow me to explain." She didn't say anything so I continued, realizing I wasn't sure what to say. After all the time I had rehearsed a speech about my past, I now found myself blank and teetering on a precipice. "What Emmett said is true for me also. My whole family and I are vampires Bella. We live amongst humans, trying to live in a world that is humane and accepting. We hide our secret with great caution Bella because as I once told you, there are rules and laws that govern my kind. The number one rule is anonymity angel, and the price for breaking that rule is the most severe. But no matter the reasons for my not telling you what I was were wrong. I should have told you from the beginning angel, and I'm truly sorry." I said my voice finally breaking under the strain of emotions that I was trying to fight off. Tears of venom obscured my vision of the angel standing before me.
I tried approaching her, but as I reached out to touch her skin, she backed away. It was the first time she had ever backed away from me, and I knew in that moment, nothing had hurt me as much, except for taking Shelly's life.
"Jasper, I don't understand." Bella cried in a pleading voice that seemed to tear apart my soul. I could feel her confusion, and her ache. I wanted to touch her, reassure her of my love, but already knew what her response would be.
"Isabella, please," I begged in a broken voice, laying myself bare before her, "just let me love you angel. Let me hold you."
"I can't Jasper. I'm so very sorry Jasper." She whispered and I shook with grief at her rejection. "I need you to please leave me alone." I cleared the tears from my eyes, and started to shake my head in denial.
"You can't mean that Bella. You can't mean to send me away." Bella looked at me with heartache clearly written on her stricken face, and I knew my answer. I ran to her dropped on my knees forgetting any pride and decorum. I wrapped my arms around her waist and listened to the sound of her child's comforting heart beat. This was my life and my reality, the very essence of my existence. "I love you Isabella, please let's find the answers together. I can't leave you angel. I need you more than the blood to sustain my body. Please angel." I continued to beg. I could feel her love and her desperation for me, but I knew it wasn't enough, and my love at the moment wasn't enough. I knew I wasn't going to be able to persuade her, she needed me gone. I could feel it in my very core.
Bella wrapped her fingers in my hair, and her little body shook in my arms. I knew she was trying to keep it together for me, her strength was one of the things I loved most about her, but the thing that still amazed me was her self-sacrifice. I could feel her putting my needs before her own as she held onto her tears so valiantly and gave me the strength I needed to leave her. I knew others would disagree with me, but they didn't know Bella like I did or her love of others. She was a creature unto her own. I took another second to listen to the heartbeat of beauty/butch, placed my lips on her lower stomach, and reverently kissed the little one. I could feel Bella resolving breaking, and knew I had to do as she had asked.
"I just need some time Jasper." She squeaked, trying to keep the lump in her throat from bursting. I painstakingly let go of Bella, took another breath to bring my pain back in, and stood before her. I leaned forward and placed my shaky lips to the corner of her mouth, my favorite spot, and kissed my angel. She closed her eyes, and absorbed my love for her.
"I love you Isabella, more than you could ever comprehend." I said and finally stepped away from the one person that sustained my life. Bella nodded her head and I knew it was time for me to leave. I caught the first shiver that went through my body and threatened to bring me down. I turned from Bella, put one foot in front of the other, internally telling myself all would be fine. I put my hand on the door that lead to the garage and opened it, took the biggest step of my life out the door.
"I love you forever damsel." Bella whispered with a small smile and stopped me in my tracks. Tears broke into my eyes again, painfully begging me to let them fall over my waterline. I returned her small smile.
"Forever, my angel," Then I saw the first of her tears fall, and turned away from her.
As I closed the door behind me and on my angel's face I knew I was about to fall. My life was on the other side of that door, and without her I knew I would fall. I ran to my car, revved her up, and drove away from the one thing that meant the most to me in the world. Tears clouded my vision, but they were the least of my worries. I drove for a half hour until I came to my usual hunting spot. I stopped the car, slammed the door, not caring for the first time in my fucking life if the car exploded and attempted to outrun my pain. About half a mile in I finally collapsed and allowed the anguish that racked my soul and heart to finally burst free. I loved Bella beyond anything in my fucking existence and now I didn't have my angel anymore. She was beyond my reach and no matter how much I grabbed out in front of me to bring her into my arms, it was in vain. She was somewhere I couldn't reach, but I knew no matter how long it took, I would reach for her through eternity.
Then I felt arms reach out for me and bring me in the shelter of their embrace, and just like before my father became my rock, my strength, and my sanity. I once again became that little boy from long ago and cried in the rest of my father's arms, letting my hero take away my pain and giving me his love in return.
"She doesn't want me, dad. She let me go, and I need her dad. I need her forever. I cannot exist without her." I cried in misery and my father simply held me, telling me of his love, and his pride in me. I let his love for me surround us, taking away the hurt that threatened to end my pathetic existence.
Bella's POV
And then he was gone, and my world fell apart. The tears that had threatened to fall; fell with a fury, and with the water that plunged from my face to the floor, I joined in and collapsed, making sure I didn't hurt my child in any way. I felt my body curl into a natural fetus position, trying to stop the sorrow that wanted to eat away at my very life.
My best friend had complied with my wish and had done the thing I knew that went against his very core, he left me. I mourned for my friend and the hurt he must have been feeling at my refusal. I cried for my baby and the emotional strain I was putting him or her under. I mourned for Rose and her obvious lack of being able to have a child. It was sad to watch her fall in love with my child when she so desperately wanted one of her own. And least of all I wept for my pain and the guilt I felt in refusing Jasper. I knew what he must have been thinking and I knew he was wrong. I loved him no matter what he may have been. But there were things I needed to work through on my own, and find closure with.
I finally picked myself off of the ground and made my way into his room. I climbed into his bed and wrapped myself in the blanket that smelt so much like my best friend. I already needed him beside me, but I knew it wouldn't accomplish anything. I had to find the answer on my own to help me understand. I placed my head on his pillow and once again took in his scent. I thought of the book 'Gone with the Wind', and the pragmatic leading lady. Her words seemed to give me the comfort I so needed in that moment. Tomorrow was another day, and I would think about it tomorrow." These words of advice couldn't take away my tears, but they helped to take away the crushing blackness that wanted to envelop me. I hoped wherever Jasper was, he knew of my love. I rubbed my stomach, something that had always brought an amount of peace into my life. I wished my child goodnight and closed my eyes, still letting the tears fall.
And with both of the soul mates in pain and in need of each other, they both simultaneously sent up a silent, but fervent prayer to the other.
I love you Bella, never forget I'll always save you.
I love you Jasper, you saved me from more than you could possibly imagine.
Author's Notes Continued: I hope the chapter was alright, and not something you were completely expecting, but a little different. How did you like Rose's reaction to Bella? Should she have been more standoffish? How did you like Emmett? I tried not to write him too mean this time. I was glad to see that he was at least able to get a taste of his own medicine (mwahaha). Please I love to know what you thought. I'm somewhat anxious and sitting on the edge of my seat wondering what you thought.
Again thanks to all those who reviewed last chapter. I hope all is well with everyone, and with nothing left to write . . . much love as always, darlings!