Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Notes: Hello loves, and to whom ever is reading I hope this chapter finds you well. I would like to thanks those who have added me to their favorites and alerts. You continue to give the motivation, and I'm truly tickled you would even want to keep track of this story. To those have reviewed, as always I thank you from the heart. You give me the words of courage and determination to continue writing. Without such I probably would have lost interest in the story, or just stopped posting. And to those who are reading, I also thank you for taking the time to check the story out and continuing this far, I also hope everyone enjoys this chapter. There is a lot going on, and a lot is explained.
Also I wanted to give a special thanks to Karen E Teague for taking the time in reading and helping to edit my mistakes. Also thanks for the encouragement when I think something in the chapter may be bad. Also to all of those who wished me a happy birthday, I appreciate all the thoughts. I was never one for birthdays, but you helped to make it a little more special. :P
Without much else to write, I hope you enjoy . . .
Chapter Twenty-Eight
15 October - Thursday
The smells were the same and made me remember the last time I had found Bella. That time seemed like a million miles away, and a million seconds past. The last month of my life was featured around Bella and BB, chasing away everything that didn't encompass the two. Within the matter of a month I was right back to the place where I had become whole again, finding my angel in a hospital bed. The trip to the hospital was over before it even seemed to begin, and in that time the only thing I could think about was my angel, wondering if she and BB were fine, asking all the deities that ever existed to please watch over her, begging fate to let her stay in my life and not punish me for my past transgressions. I slowly walked away from Carlisle and made my way to her room. I couldn't wait for her doctor; I needed to know with my own eyes, which were infallible, that Bella was going to be alright. I followed her smell, knowing that it would end with me being able to see her. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to her, I wasn't even sure what she was going to look like. All I knew was my angel was in a car crash, and I hadn't been there for her.
I finally found her room, knowing without a doubt that she lay beyond the closed door. I placed my hand on the knob and thought about what I would say, it would be whatever came to me naturally, and what my soul cried out for me to utter to her. My hand followed my command and turned the door knob, bringing my angel into my view. And just like last time, she was asleep with the blanket up to her chin, hiding her precious treasure underneath. I took the time to listen to her child's heartbeat trying to make sure BB was fine. BB's heartbeat was fast and strong, resembling what my own probably would have sounded like if I still had one. I let out a huge breath, relieved at the fact that the baby was fine. I couldn't imagine what Bella would have been like if something had happened to her child. After making sure the little one was truly alright I focused my eyes on the sleeping angel who looked like a little child snuggled in on a cold winter's night, just waiting for the fabled Santa to make an appearance. Her hair was tangled, and a few scratches lingered on her forehead. There was one semi deep cut under her right eye that was taped together with a butterfly band-aide. If I pretended long enough I could pretend it was an actual butterfly paying homage to Bella's beauty. I felt like crying while I watched her sleep, wanting nothing more than to take her in my arms and make all the hurt leave. Her breathing was steady, but every now and then I could hear a whimper coming from her closed lips. I knew with her being pregnant, the doctors wouldn't have given her much medication for the pain, and I knew Bella, being the selfless person she is, would decline not wanting to hurt her child more than she already had.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and took in Carlisle's calming and steady presence. I loved my mentor, and I appreciated his coming with me. Carlisle could do for me what few others could, help me to calm.
"She's going to be fine Jasper. Her little one is going to be fine also." He said in his loving and soothing voice. I could feel his honesty and I felt the renegade tears come to my eyes. His hand tightened on my shoulder as he felt my dry sobs. I brought my hand up to meet his and clasped onto my safety net, trying to stop my inevitable fall.
"Thanks." I was able to choke out after a few minutes of just looking at Bella sleeping peacefully and safely in her bed.
"Her doctor said she was beyond lucky. She must have slid in a puddle of water while driving, and hit a stop sign. The impact was sudden and thankfully there was a witness who immediately called for help. The paramedics were there within five minutes, and Bella was in the hospital within thirty minutes after her accident." Carlisle whispered for our vampire ears only. I knew he didn't want to wake Bella. I still remained silent, not knowing what too really say except 'thank you' again.
"I cannot empathize with what you are feeling son, but know I can sympathize with you, and I'm here. I'm always here for you Jasper. I won't give you empty words of how I know what you are feeling and what you are going through, but I will give you my love and my support. It's the most sincere thing I could ever give to you, and my other children."
I turned around and looked at my father with lingering venom that refused to leave my eyes. I nodded my head, not trusting my voice, but sending all of the love I felt at the moment for him, too him. Carlisle grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and brought me into his arms. I was a grown vampire that reached over the century mark, but the admiration of my father made me into someone that craved his love and his comfort. I could never imagine my life without his guidance and direction. There was nothing in the world like the safety of a father's arms with his love soothing the aches one felt to the very core.
"She's beautiful Jasper." Carlisle whispered, and I knew no truer words were spoken. My angel put her name to shame. "I can see why you horded her for so long son, but I'm still upset Rose and Emmett were the ones to tell me about her. I thought you had promised to tell me yourself?" I could feel his mirth at the question while trying to keep me calm, but I could also feel a little bit of his hurt in me not confiding in him, I really had spoiled Carlisle and Esme.
"I really did mean to Carlisle, but it seemed circumstances or perhaps fate wasn't happy with me keeping Bella to myself. She is someone that should be shared. Her love and acceptance of people is enough to even rival yours, dear father." Carlisle gave me a soft smile, and looked at Bella over my shoulder.
"Then she deserves you Jasper. Please don't think your old man soft, but you are one of my most beloved Jasper, and you deserve nothing less. You may not have been the most honest with her, but you already know from personal experience what fear can do to a person. It doesn't excuse you of your behavior, but it does put into perspective what you were feeling. We all make mistakes, even your Bella and I, but it's what we do with the knowledge of those mistakes in our lives that define us." Carlisle said letting go of me and looking me in the eyes. "Savvy?"
"Of course Carlisle."
"Now I'm going to go and give you over to Isabella. Don't be scared Jasper, she's fine, and I know she is going to forgive you. I may not have your powers, but I know she needs you as much you her; call it father's intuition. Plus who couldn't need my amazing son?" If I could have blushed at his words, I would have been as red as Bella. "That's a rhetorical question, and I forbid you to answer in some smart ass way." I laughed at his words.
"You always know what to give me Carlisle. Thanks."
"No thanks required Jasper," Carlisle said in his soft voice, "now go and comfort your girl, and give her all the love you can. Always let her feel your love son." The big heart spoke. Carlisle gave one more squeeze to my shoulder and then left the room as silently as he came.
After watching my father leave, I turned to my angel and decided to do what Carlisle had counseled. I slowly approached her bed, while taking in her smell that I had missed during our time apart. I could hear her whimper again, and I could feel as that sound added another scrap to my dead heart. I always wondered how much damage a dead heart could take. In that moment I needed nothing else to survive but her touch and the feel of her warm skin. I gently climbed onto the bed where Bella seemed to have left untouched for me, and for the first time in what felt like years I placed my hand on her cheek that wasn't marred. My cold skin instantly flared at our touch, and I finally felt warm again. The damn tears came to my eyes again, and I scolded myself for such weak behavior. My angel must have felt my presence because just like last time she fought to open her eyes. She fought to return to wake up, and come back to me.
All time stopped as Bella graced me with her emotion filled eyes. The green was prominent in her murky brown depths, and I lost myself in her multi-colored orbs. I thought of the lyrics to the song "Amazing Grace" and knew I felt the same, "Was blind but now I see." It was how I always felt when looking into her eyes. My thumb grazed the skin on her cheek, and my dead skin reacted to her like it continuously did. Bella leaned into my touch, and I could feel her longing. My own need matched her own need.
"We have to stop meeting like this angel, the fates might get the wrong idea." At the sound of my voice the first tear that had littered in her right eye finally fell and rolled into my hand that still touched her cheek. "I know, baby." I whispered into her hair as Bella latched onto me and buried her face in my neck. Her tears started to flow and I could feel as each individual hot tear hit my neck. After counting over a hundred drops, my angel spoke to me.
"I'm sorry Jasper. I'm so sorry." She continued to say in a tear choked voice, while her anguish swarmed around me, trying to bring me to my knees. My angel's pain became my own as I willingly took it and replaced it with my love.
"You have nothing to apologize for Isabella. It was through my mistake and my fear that brought us here. I should have been honest and more up front with you from the start. I can't even begin to describe the sorrow I feel in putting you here Bella. If I never allowed my fear to rule my actions then maybe you wouldn't be here angel." I said my voice finally breaking from my suppressed emotions.
"No Jasper," Bella whispered though a scratchy voice, "You cannot take responsibilities for my actions. I was at fault." Bella continued to speak, another tear falling from her eye. "Could you please get me some water Jasper?" After reluctantly leaving her side and getting the water she requested, I watched as she had her fill. I took the glass from her out stretched hand and put it on the table beside her bed. She gave me a sad smile as she gently patted the open space on her bed. "I need you Jasper." Was all she said and it was enough for my tattered soul. I carefully sat down and watched a shy Bella make her way into my arms again.
"I need you too angel." Were the simple words my soul cried out to her. I let my fingers caress her skin, allowing myself to finally believe that Bella was here and safe. I stroked the skin on her neck and followed the progression to her shoulder where her nightgown had fallen. Bella shivered at my touch, but I instinctively knew it wasn't from the coldness of my skin. I traced the outline of her exposed collarbone and made my way back up to the column of her neck. It had felt like forever since I had felt her, and I needed to feel any part of her skin my hands could touch. Bella took my hand and brought it to her lips, placing small kisses on the inside of my palm.
"I should have never asked you to leave Jasper. The moment you left I broke down. I couldn't stop the tears and I spent the rest of the night wrapped up in your bed with my head buried in your pillow." She told me honestly while looking me straight in the eyes. I was surprised that she wasn't blushing at such a statement, but I guess when one broke down and their soul was bare, there was really nothing to be embarrassed about.
"I had BB there to comfort me, but even the comforting kicks of my baby couldn't bring the relief to my pain. I needed you Jazz, but I knew you had left because I asked you to, even when you asked me to stay. When I got in the accident tonight," Bella voice cracked again under her serve emotions, "I couldn't stay away from you any longer. There was a storm Jasper and I just couldn't be without any longer." She continued to cry through her pain. "I . . . I found your parents address written down, so I got in the car and carelessly drove to get to you Jasper. I needed to apologize for my deplorable behavior." Her tiny hands fisted in my hair as she poured out the pain that had plagued her since we had been apart, and I took it all from her, only letting her feel my love as my father had told me to do. "I was too emotional to drive, and I knew better Jasper. I could have lost the life of my child because of my stupidity, but please don't hate me Jasper I know you love BB as much as I do, I just wanted to ask your forgiveness, I needed you to understand why I had been so mean to you Jasper. I'm so very sorry to you, and to the baby, and to anyone else I may have hurt because of my irrationality." Bella sobbed, almost becoming hysterical. I knew it was time for her to stop. I just wanted to give her the chance to vent her emotions. I knew she needed to let go of the things that she perceived as her fault and give them to me, finally becoming absolved of her misplaced guilt.
"Shh angel, no more," I told her in the smoothest voice I could, wanting to take away her useless pain. "Come closer to me angel." I took her hands from my hair and wrapped them around my neck. I pulled her as close as her stomach would allow, and leaned into her pillows that were behind me. "Calm down for me baby. Let me have your pain." I whispered in her ear that was closest to my mouth. I could feel her shuttered breaths started to slow down as I rubbed the small of her back with my right hand and caressed her tilted neck with my left. The machine that controlled the rhythm of her heart slowed down and the beeping became more decelerated. When I felt she could actually understand the words I spoke, I let them leave my mouth and hopefully give her the reassurance she so desperately required.
"This last week has been harder on me than any of the years we were separated, angel. Know that I in no way blame you, and again there is no reason for you to apologize. The years we had apart were in no way easy on me, Bella. They were both trying, and I always felt like something was missing from my life. When I saw you again in this same hospital I prayed to the angels above to not take you from me again." Bella whimpered at my words, but I could feel her intrigue at my words, so I knew she comprehended what I was saying. "They granted me my wish, and you came into my life for real this time. We were able to live together and spend time together. I never though it possible, but the love I felt for you expanded even more than I have room for, angel. I know that doesn't seem possible, but it is. I got to know a woman who loves unconditionally, accepts whole-heartily, gives so selflessly, and cares unreservedly. My life became you Bella, as I wanted it to, so don't feel guilty at my choices." I could feel her lips curve into a smile on my neck. I leaned in and kissed her forehead as tenderly as I could, trying to be mindful of her scratches. "Your joys have been my happiness, your grumpiness has been my enjoyment," Bella snorted at my words, "And your snores have been music to my ears." Bella let a giggle come to her lips, and I felt like some weight had been taken from me at the sound of her light laughter.
"I don't snore." She resolutely mumbled in my neck. Her denial was too funny.
"Of course not, angel. But more importantly Isabella I had come to know the girl who had unconscientiously saved my life at the age of ten. You weren't just my hidden angel anymore I had desperately clung to over the years, you became my external angel that I could touch, see, and hear. And the thing that was always missing from my life was returned to me, and I became unbroken. I had become so use to you in my life, even in the short time we have had together, and everything else faded from my presence. You were the thing my loneness cried for, you were the thing that satisfied my burning, and you were the thing that put color into my otherwise uncolored world. Then in the blinking of an eye, it was taken from me, and I was once again without the thing I needed most, above all else in my life, angel. It was of my own doing, and my actions that we were separated. But the reason it was harder than the years we were separated was I had known what you were like, and I had to go without you. I know I give you so much power over me with these words, angel, but I don't know if I can live without you." I finished my reflections while grasping onto the love in my arms.
Bella raised her head and finally looked into my eyes. Her tears had stopped and the only thing left was the love clearly written in her sea-glass-green-speckled eyes that were rimmed red. "As you already told me today Jasper, I need you too phantom angel." Bella reverently and shyly placed her lips on mine, and for the first time urgency didn't matter to me. Her skin melted into mine, and the gentleness of our first kiss was enough to overwhelm. I had never felt something so pure in an act of intimacy, even with something as simple as lips meeting. Bella leaned into me more and I brought my hand to the underside of her neck, giving her the support she needed, and giving myself the comfort I craved from her touch. I could feel the heat coming from her skin and her blood transfusing into her lips as they moved shyly over mine. I waited for her to become more comfortable as she took control and changed the angle bringing me deeper and further into her. I had never had such a moment where my entire body and soul felt like it was in sync with the other. Bella brought out something in me that I had never knew truly existed. She gave me her tenderness with her lips and I gave her what was left of my innocence. She showed me a part of myself that I had thought gone forever because of my atrocious actions, but with one kiss from her lips I knew that not to be true. I moaned into her lips, trying to show her how much she affected mw with such a gentle act. Bella opened her mouth at my sound, and tentatively ran her tongue over my parted lips. She didn't go any further, but I knew it was more than enough.
Our first kiss was meant for sweetness and our desire to be with one another, not for lewd acts. She brought her mouth once more to mine, and with an achingly slow tenderness she let our lips meet again before she pulled away and buried her flushed face in my neck. The smell of freesia was divine, and I allowed it to fill my senses.
"I need you." She whispered into my neck, her swollen lips touching the skin as she spoke. I could feel her heat radiating from her face and I knew I would never tire of feeling the differences in temperature she could illicit from my body.
I brought my left hand from her tangled hair and placed it on her face, tracing her swollen masterpiece. My eyes met hers, and I could see the need in them. I tentatively tilted my head towards her again and was stopped by a throat clearing from the opened door way. I rained in the anger I felt at the interruption and tried not to laugh at the color Bella had turned from her embarrassment.
"I don't recall being taught how to cause a patient to blush in Medical School, Jasper." Carlisle oh, so wittily said from the door way. My father would pay later. Bella shyly smiled at Carlisle, trying not to turn into a cooked lobster while muttering something about pregnancy hormones. I knew Carlisle was trying to make Bella feel light by his teasing.
"Funny father. Too bad you didn't learn more essential things in Medical School like punctuality, or lack thereof." Carlisle laughed at my ambiguous comment. I swallowed the groan that wanted to erupt from my throat and remember the manners I was taught by both of the mothers in my life. "Carlisle, this red lobster is Isabella Swan, more commonly my best friend when she isn't completely embarrassed." Bella gently hit my arm for discomforting her even more. I kissed her hot cheek, and ignored her glare. "Angel, this old man in the door way is my father, but as of now the number one person on my revenge list, Carlisle Cullen." Bella giggled. I took in her emotions because she was turning red once again, but I wasn't surprised at what I felt. Most women thought Carlisle was good-looking, and became silly in his presence. It was one of the many flaws of having a family of unnaturally beautiful vampires.
"Hi Dr. Cullen," She said almost incoherently, but we were vampires, and didn't suffer from poor quality of hearing.
"No need for such formality, Isabella. Carlisle will be more than sufficient. It's a pleasure to truly meet you, my dear." Carlisle laid on the charm while walking into the room and taking Bella's small hand into his. "You are more beautiful than Jasper described you, and trust me when I say he was far from vague on the details." Bella once again became red, but gave Carlisle a gentle smile. "I'm sure your little one will be just as beautiful as you Bella." Damn, Carlisle was too good.
"Thank you Carlisle. And may I thank you for having such an amazing son?" She said while turning her gentle smile on me. "Jasper has become my saving grace and has filled my life with so much love over the years. I'll never know what good I must have done to deserve such an incredible person in my life. Regardless of his condition or anything else that may plague his life, it is inconsequential to me. I could never ask for Jasper any other way because if you change one thing about him, you change the being I love so very much." She finished while never taking her eyes from me. I knew she was telling me things were going to fine between us. I knew there were many things I needed to tell her, but the fundamental foundation of our relationship was okay.
Bella turned back to Carlisle and once again tears fell from her eyes. "I'm sorry for the water works Carlisle, hormones. But I also wanted to apologize for any pain I may have caused your family over the last month. I'm sorry for commandeering so much of Jasper's time, and for sending him back to you in such a sad state. I never meant to hurt him or any other member of your family. I love Jasper unconditionally. I also love Emmett and Rose, and I have only just met them. I would never intentionally cause damage to your family. I'm about to become a mother, so I understand the caring nature a parent has for their children. I would never want to witness my child in pain, although I know that is going to unavoidable. But I truly am sorry, and hope you can accept my apology." She finished almost becoming hysterical again.
"Isabella," Carlisle said in his soft voice that could melt even the hardest of hearts, "I accept your contrition, but there really is nothing to apologize for. Jasper is an adult and makes his own choices. He has to live with the consequences of his actions, just as I do. I love my son, more than myself and you are correct in your assumption about seeing one's child in pain. It is never easy, and never gets better no matter their age. Jasper is one of the lights of my existence and has brought more joy into my world than he will ever realize. He is beautifully flawed, but even more beautifully redeemed. I'm sure he will tell you about the scars of his life, and I hope you love him all the more for them. He hasn't had an easy life, but we all have our individual crosses to bear, and he has bore them with grace and resiliency. I'm grateful he has a person in his life, besides his family that can love him as he is meant to be loved: absolutely. I ask that you love him in that manner that I do, and I would also ask the same of him. I can see you are a treasure Isabella, and I look forward to getting to know you better." Carlisle placed a kiss on my angel's wet cheek, and all I could do was try and not tear up at my father's love for me and his acceptance of the most important person in my life.
Bella let out a yawn and I knew she was reaching her breaking point. Her emotions had taken the rest of her strength and I knew she was minutes from sleeping claiming her once more. I moved over to her other side and gently pushed her down onto her pillow.
"Time to sleep, angel. Your body needs the rest, and I need you to become better. So don't feel bad that you can't stay awake any longer." Bella glared at me for reading her emotions and it had the effectiveness of being whacked by a waffle ball.
"It was really a pleasure to have met you Carlisle." Bella said sluggishly from her tiredness. "You are too young and too beautiful to be the father of such children." My father laughed at Bella's incoherency, but I could feel the gentle emotions he had for her already.
"Sleep well Isabella." My father simply said and looked over to me. "Call me when she awakes. I know you want to stay with her. Also I talked to the family. They are anxious to meet her. I know Emmett was the only thing keeping Rose from coming to the hospital to personally make sure Isabella was fine. She may also blame you for Isabella's distress; just to give you fair warning." I was already amazed at Rose's protectiveness over my angel and her wellbeing, but was also thankful she had someone else to look out for her.
"Thanks father and I mean that from my heart. I'm not sure I could have coped without your love and reassurance. I depend on your strength more than you know." Carlisle reached over the bed and placed a kiss to my forehead. No other words were spoken. I could feel his love for me, and I heard his words from earlier.
After my father left the room, I got into bed once more with my angel and brought her into the safety of my arms. I didn't care if her doctors disapproved of my behavior, or my being in bed with her. I needed the touch of my angel more than I needed to abide by the decorum of the hospital. I allowed Bella's scent to overwhelm me while clearing my mind of everything else except her and her child. I placed my hand on her stomach and spoke to her child for a while, trying to reacquaint BB with the sound of my voice. I spoke of my love and my sorrow at causing so much pain in their lives. I didn't feel BB kick, but I also knew he or she was asleep. I also knew that BB could feel my voice, and knew of my immense love.
"I love you BB." I said as I closed my eyes, and continued to rub soothing circles on Bella's lower stomach. I knew there were things we needed to hash out, and other things that had the potential to bring more stress to our relationship, but I only allowed positive thoughts to enter my mind. I couldn't deal with the possibility of losing her because I knew I would go crazy. I placed a kiss on her battered forehead and moved her bangs behind her ear.
"Sleep angel. Know that I'm here and I love you."
Carlisle's POV
As I drove home from the hospital I allowed my mind to replay everything that had happened. I was grateful for vampire senses, which let me do more than one thing at a time, and my mind was more than determined to think about my son's situation rather than driving.
I knew the words I had spoken to Isabella earlier were no fabrication; it was almost hell seeing one's child in pain. Jasper may not have been my biological child and he may not have had my venom running through his veins, but he was my child in every way that mattered. From the moment he came into my life, my heart opened up and accepted him as one of my own. I knew he had the potential to do extraordinary things, and he proved that to me with every decision he made. Jasper rose from his past of violence and bloodshed to become something that exceeded my hopes and wishes for him. I wanted nothing for my children, but happiness. Jasper was happy, but never complete. My son now had someone in his life that made him absolute, and I knew he was in love with her. My soft heart (as my children liked to point out) soared with elation for my beloved son. So yes, Jasper had exceeded my expectation and fell in love with a human, no less.
I could tell from their interactions that both of them were unaware of the love they held for one another that went beyond friendship. Their friendship was strong and rooted in all the things that would make it a success, but I knew their love was going to be something astonishing to witness.
I was saddened by the fact that Jasper hadn't told me of his angel, but I also knew it was something he cherished and held close to his silent chest. I remembered a conversation from long ago when Jasper alluded to the fact that 'the light' he felt while battling his bloodlust was fading and leaving him in darkness. I may not have realized it at the time, but I was smart enough to know he was speaking of her. My heart bled even more for my son and his long separation from Isabella which spanned years. I also felt more proud of him for his strength and his valiant effort in still trying to live without his angel. Jasper was such a marvel and such a blessing in my life. I hated Maria and the pain she had inflicted on his gentle soul, but I couldn't hate her fully because without her I would be without my son, and for that I would always be grateful to her.
When I found Jasper in the woods again after his leaving Isabella it brought me back to a time I never wanted to remember. I looked at my son lying on the ground, holding his chest and trying to keep his emotions from ripping him apart. Tears pooled into my eyes at the sight of my broken boy, and I willingly wanted to take every hurt from him, never wanting him to have to suffer like he did when he took Shelly's life. I knelt beside him and did the only thing I knew how; I grabbed him and brought him into my cold arms. I knew their sole purpose was to comfort my family. I whispered all the words that clouded my heart and broke for my shattered son.
After a while he calmed, but I knew he still needed something I would never be able to give him, nor Esme, and that person was his angel. We silently drove home, after a time, and he was immediately brought into his mother's embrace. To say she missed him was an understatement.
The week had been trying and difficult for him, thus his need to hunt more. Every time I saw his inner pain I wanted to cry on his behalf. A child's pain is one of the worst things a parent could ever witness.
So tonight at the hospital, as I listened to Bella and Jasper speak of their need for each other, I knew they would be fine. They both had a lot to converse about and much pain to relive, but hopefully fate was on their side, if not I knew I was. Jasper and Bella were lost in their own world tonight and their need for each other was palpable. I tried not to listen to their words they spoke in private, but I needed to be there for my son if things didn't go well. As I approached her room the emotions were ambient as if I could almost inhale them. Their kiss was shy, and almost unsure. It was innocent and I knew Jasper didn't have many experiences of innocence in his life, so their kiss was one I knew he would cherish for infinity. I had no right to interrupt their moment, but I intervened on Jasper's behalf. I more than likely allowed my children to make their mistakes, and live their lives, but I knew in that moment Jasper wasn't thinking clearly, or Bella. They were both swept up in their emotions living out their physical want for the other, not thinking about the next moment. But Jasper's relationship with her was too important for him to lose, and I wanted to stop them before either of them felt they had anything to regret. They needed time to heal, and become reconciled before anything went further. So I made my presence known, and bravely took on my son's disappointment. I knew one day he would understand.
I also thought of Isabella and the joy she had brought into my son's life. I had so much to thank her for, and I was more than ready to get to know her more. She loved my Jasper and accepted him for who he truly was. I didn't have to wait for her to hear his past, I knew she would still love him and accept him scars and all. Jasper's scars were one of the things I loved most about him. Even though he despised them, they told his story of hard fought victories, his overcoming life's obstacles, but most of all they spoke to me of his strength. And I knew Bella would cherish each one of the imperfections that marred his skin and those that went even deeper.
As I pulled into the garage that was attached to the house I thought of Bella and her little one. I couldn't hide my excitement of the possibility of a baby. I knew Bella would want to spend time with us because we were a part of Jasper. I couldn't wait to meet the little one. Hearing its heart beat made my spirit smile, and I knew that I had the chance to become papa Carlisle. Esme was going to fall even harder than me for the baby. I already loved Bella and the joy she brought into our world.
Taking Bella home; to our home was one of the highlights of the last few days. I had taken a leave of absence from the hospital due to family tribulations. The hospital was more than understandable, and I knew I had made the right decision in choosing to work at the DMHC. I also received the best thing in my life while working there, Bella. Before I had taken my angel home from the hospital I had promised her I would tell her everything when we got home, but again she asked me to off hold for a few days. I could understand her need to return to a routine and let the feelings the hospital tainted one with after a stay, just fade away.
So with a promise of my past to be revealed we spent the next couple of days in relaxation, something I knew Bella, and more importantly in her eyes, the baby needed. I cooked for Bella, I watched movies with Bella, and I took her for walks in the park near our home. Autumn was in the air, and the colored leaves were making an appearance in all their glory. Bella would serenely smile up at the foliage and I would in turn smile at her before taking a picture of her serenity and tranquility. I looked at my angel, and drank in her presence. We constantly held hands, as if just having to know that the other one was always in reach. I could feel her constant need of me, and even when I would leave for a little while, she would become stressed. I understood our time apart was just as difficult on her as it had been with me. I loved the moments we spent together, and the simplicity the moments created. Questions of my past were never brought up, and Bella treated me the same as before in her unassuming love.
I spent time talking to the little one and playing around with BB. He or she loved to the sound of my voice. Bella would just smile at me indulgently as her child used her for a drum, but she never complained unless she was going through some mood swing at night. Then I tended to just hum to BB. It amazed me that the baby responded so well to me, and I could also feel some sort of connection to the little one, as if there was something that physically tied me to BB. Regardless of our bond, I loved BB as if he or she were my own, and counted the days that I would be able to meet Bella little miracle.
Esme's first meeting with Bella was something than I hadn't expected. I should have never underestimated the love a mother has for her child.
17 October /Saturday
"I know Esme is going to love you angel. How could she not. Please try and relax. You have nothing to worry about."
Bella's face still held a look of uncertainty, but there was nothing I could do but give her my words of assurance. "You don't understand a mother's undying love for her child Jasper. I know you can feel Esme's love both figuratively and literally, but have you ever encountered her when one of her children was hurt by someone else? A mother's love is something more than you could feel, Jasper. It is an essential part of any mother to want to protect her child from anything that may do it harm." She stated and I had to think a moment. There wasn't really a time I could think of when someone had really wronged one of us. People were usually too scared or intimidated to get close enough. Maybe there had been sometime when I was away from the family and never heard of it. But regardless, Esme was one of the sweetest people I knew (vampire or not) and I never knew her to hate anyone. I still thought Bella's fears were unfounded.
"Okay angel, I do understand your feelings, but I know Esme, and she loves everyone." I simply stated, then gave Bella a comforting smile. She warily returned mine, but her emotions couldn't deceive me, or at least most of the time.
We both heard the knock, and I inwardly had to calm myself. I remembered all too vividly what had happened the last time someone knocked on the door, and all I wanted to do was shutter at the memory. I walked over to Bella, gently took her in my arms, and kissed her on the temple. "It will be fine." I said for both of our comforts. Bella unwound her hands that were balled in my shirt and gave me a small smile. I halfhearted let her go and answered the door. I hadn't seen Esme since going to the hospital, but her ever ready smile did wonders to my frayed nerves.
"And then there were two." I said to her as I embraced her tightly in my arms. I knew Esme was anxious to make sure I was well, and still not hurting as much I as did while at home. It always tore her heart out to see her family suffering. Esme wanted to come over earlier in the week, but Bella and I needed some time on our own, to lessen the pain and become reacquainted.
"What are you talking about darling?" She questioned as she grabbed my face with both of her hands and stared intently into my eyes as if she were trying to read my very soul.
"You are about to meet Bella, and then that will only leave Alice and Edward. Speaking of family how is Carlisle doing?"
"He's fine Jasper. He misses having you at the house, but you know he is stoic and puts on a brave face when one of you leaves the nest." She said while letting go of my face as I shut the door. I could also tell she was telling me half truths. The things she had just said were more her emotions that Carlisle's, but I knew better than to point that out. "You look better, darling. I wasn't quite sure what to expect. You said you were doing better on the phone, but until I could see for myself I was anxious. I only want for your happiness." She said a little weepy, then grabbed my hand.
"Thanks Esme. I feel a lot better. And I do have to admit it is nice not having to hunt so often. I really have become spoiled not having to hunt so regularly. Also dually noted on the happiness part, I try my best and that is all you could ever ask for, correct?"
"Oh, that sharp tongue of yours." My mother said with a smirk on her timeless face. "Well darling, enough talking out in the foyer, let's go and meet this Bella of yours." Esme said more reservedly and I was a little startled by her tone. I took a very necessary breath, trying to calm my frayed nerves and guided my mother to where Bella was waiting.
My angel was a picture of beauty. Bella was wearing a grey cowl neck dress that stopped at about her knees. It was cinched at the waist showing off her curves (picture of dress on profile). From the front she didn't really look pregnant, but when she turned to the side it was more than evident. Her hair was down today while her bangs framed her murky eyes. I could feel her anxiety, and pushed some of my love to her. She gave me a gentle smile before turning to my mother. Esme was the picture of elegance in her khaki pants, mauve shirt, and white cardigan. If Emmett heard me talk about fashion, he would no doubt question my orientation, but after being married to a fashion guru for many moons, one learned a thing about fashion.
"Bella, this is my mother and one of the greatest loves of my life Esme Cullen." Bella gave a tentative smile to her, and once again I was amazed at how innocent she always seemed, even in her eighth month of pregnancy.
"Hi Mrs. Cullen, it's a pleasure to meet you at last. Jasper has spoken of nothing but his respect and admiration while mentioning you." She was right when she said that. I loved Esme and respected her opinion very much.
"Esme, this lovely vision before you of an angel is Bella Swan." I looked to my mother and saw something on her face I don't ever recall seeing. She looked to Bella with a serious look.
"Ms. Swan, it's nice to put a face with the name." She said in a monotone voice that was filled with some ice. I was confused by her reaction, but then I remember what Bella had related to me earlier, and it seemed like I was once again wrong. I loved Esme, but I couldn't allow her to treat Bella in such a cold manner.
"Mother, please. Bella has been very gracious to you and you treat her in such a manner?" I asked in confusion with hurt lacing my voice. Esme looked to me and her eyes soften, but it wasn't her that spoke.
"Jasper, your mother is entitled to speak and address me in the manner she chooses." She was about to continue but I cut her off. I wouldn't allow her to be treated with almost veiled contempt.
"No Bella, she doesn't have that right. Our problems are just that, our problems. My family is more than welcome to express their opinions, but in the end our relationship is separate from them." I said imploringly to her, and again she gave me the gentle smile that I loved so much.
"Jasper," Bella all but whispered taking a seat on the couch, her pregnant weight being more than her swollen ankles could take. My heart went out to her, but I could tell she wanted to stand on her own right now. "We talked about this earlier. A mother's love is something that one cannot really explain. It is in nature for a mother to protect her young. When she has a child her every thought revolves around that individual. She loves that being unconditionally and would fight to the death to save her little one. You may not think of yourself as a little one, but in the eyes of your mother, you will always be her little boy and that is something you cannot avoid. Mrs. Cullen does have the right to address me in the manner she chooses. I hurt one of her precious one's and of course she would come out more reserved than normal. I don't say these things in front of her to try and butter her up, but to try and make you understand. I don't want any contention in your family Jasper on my behalf. They were there first, and I would never make you choose. I would bow out before I made you choose." Each word she spoke was the absolute truth, and I had to respect her opinion, even though it scared me a little. My life without Bella didn't work, and my mother should have known that. She had seen first-hand the thing I became without my angel.
I looked to my mother and gave her a sad look. I was a little disappointed in her reaction, but I could also feel the immense love she had for me. It was a fine line I seemed to be on, and I had no inclination as to what to do.
"I'm sorry Jasper. I love you so very much and I cannot stand to see you hurting so. You of all people are privy to how much I love my family. They are my every-thing. I have watched you suffer, darling and every time you do my heart scars a little more. I cannot bear to see you hurt. I have watched you over the many years fight for everything you have and for everything you have accomplished. My love has grown even more, and there is no limit to what I will ever feel for you, honey. Don't scowl Jasper, it is very unbecoming," She said and I straightened my face. It was a little more than embarrassment to be called such an endearment in front of someone else, no matter how much one loved their mother. "My life is you, Carlisle, Rose, Edward, Alice, and Emmett. There is nothing on this earth that could keep me from you besides death. I would willingly give my very existence for any of yours safety. Miss Swan was correct when she said one could not really explain a mother's love and devotion. It is just simply written in my DNA, darling. And whether my heart beats or not, it can still feel love and hurt." She finished on a sad note. I reached over to her and took her shaking form in my arms.
"Shh mom, no tears. I love you too." I whispered in her ear as she clung to me. I looked over to Bella and could see she was also crying. At this rate I was going to be the sole supplier to a tissue company. It was probably a good thing vampires couldn't shed tears. Esme detached herself from my arms and stoically faced my angel.
"Miss Swan, I do apologize for my behavior. I always chide my family on manners, and mine seem to have deserted me when really needed. I think you have a firm grasp on where I'm coming from. All I can say is I was mad at you for almost breaking Jasper." I winced at her words, but allowed her to continue. The sooner this was over, the sooner I could comfort and reassure Bella. "I never want to see him like that. You may not have intentionally hurt him, but you still did nonetheless. I also know you are remorseful in your actions towards him. I can accept that he has forgiven you, but I wanted to state my peace. I'm sorry if my words have caused you more pain or opened any unnecessary wounds, but I truly needed to make my peace with you and your actions with him. I can see you are a lovely woman, Miss Swan, and I also hope we can get to know one another and eventually come to love each other. I can see the determination Jasper has on his face, and I know he loves you so very much. It was more than evident. I would also never make him choose because that would make not worthy of him. So long story short, I hope we can become friends." Esme finished with some uncertainty in her voice.
Bella's tears had stopped and her face was passive. I could feel my mother's doubt in thinking she may have crossed some line. But I could also feel my angel's emotions and they told me what I had already known about her.
Bella got up with some trouble from the couch due to her belly, but I learned there were times I needed to let her be and I knew this was one of those times. She needed to face my mother on her own two swollen feet. She made her way over to Esme and did something unexpectedly; she knelt at my mother's knee and took her hands in hers. She didn't wince at the cold, but looked Esme in the eye.
"If I'm half the mother you are then I know I will be a success. My own mother wasn't the greatest example. Jasper once told me long ago about his mom 'She loves everything and everyone. She has a very kind soul and would never try to hurt anything, and she is beautiful.' I knew he wasn't lying then and I know he isn't lying now. I understand every word you said Mrs. Cullen. I do regret the hurt I made Jasper feel. I love him, and I never wanted to cause him any harm. I know I asked him to leave, and I regret my hasty actions. I just needed the time to work out what I had learned on my own. I still had no right to wound him in the process. He has brought so many blessings to my life that he will never truly know the depths he has touched my soul, and nor should he, it gives him too much leverage and he already gets his way far too often." I knew that was true, but I felt no shame in getting my way, well maybe a little. "So I will try and be a better person to him, and not hurt him in the process. I know there will be times we argue and may be mad at each other, but I still respect and love him. I would also love to get to know you. Jasper is such an exceptional person, and I know you have influenced his life for the better. His every word about you is nothing but praise." Bella said with a wispy smile that only a mother seemed to have.
Then Esme did something that also shocked me. She knelt down on the floor next to Bella and took her into her arms. Bella started to cry and then Esme started to cry. I wanted to leave the room, but the most two important woman in my world were there, and tears be damned. After the crying slowed down, Esme indecisively reached out to Bella's tummy and waited for her silent approval. Bella reached out with her hand, took my mother's in hers, and placed it on her stomach. A look of wonder stole over Esme's face, and I knew she was already in love, just like Rose. I knew this child would never stand a chance in not being spoiled. BB already had the love of two women in my family who would love him or her forever.
"Call me Esme darling." My mother said in her sweet voice that she used with all her children.
"Then please call me Bella." My angel countered. They smiled at each other as if they both knew a secret I wasn't privy to. I wondered again at the sanity of women, but I knew the one of the last hurdles were crossed, even if was an unexpected one.
I could feel my angel's emotions and they told me what I had already known about her: she loved unconditionally, accepted whole-heartily, gave so selflessly, and cared unreservedly.
19 October/Monday
The rest of Esme's visit went well, and the two became fast friends. I listened as Bella came into the living room and slowly sat down on the couch beside me. I kept her hand in mine as I finished helping her to sit down and waited for her to situate herself.
"Your mother sends her love Jazz. She also wanted to take me out for lunch one day this week." Bella had just gotten off the phone with Esme, and I hide my smile at their apparent friendship. "Rose also said she loves you, and hasn't paid you back for hurting me, but I set her straight." Bella said with a smug smile on her lips. I knew she wasn't fooling anyone. I just had to wait and keep my guard up until my sister found the perfect opportunity to get me back, without Bella knowing of course. So I just had to stick by my angel's side like glue, never a difficulty.
I looked over to my angel before pulling her into my arms. It was hard for me to resist having her where she seemed to belong. I willingly brought my lips to her cheeks, and kissed her beautiful skin. I knew it was time to finish what I had promised her. I asked Bella the question I should have just told her from the start of when we had reunited but allowed by fears to stop me, "May I tell you the stories of my past, Isabella?"
And of course my angel willingly listened.
Author's Notes Continued: And so ends the long chapter. I hope everyone found some type of enjoyment or emotion they could relate with. I would love to know what you thought. What did you think about their kiss? I was very nervous about reactions, and I hope I was able to do it some justice. I wanted it to be sweet and innocent, not too outlandish. What did you think of Esme's reaction? Were you surprised? Did you find her too hard on Bella, or find yourself understanding Esme? What were your thoughts on Carlisle and his interference? Please let me know. All thoughts are truly welcomed.
I cannot think of much else to say. Again I hope all is well with everyone. Thanks for the reads and the attention to the story. If you have any question or were confused by anything, please ask and I'll try to clear up any questions or confusion.
Much love as always. :P