Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer and affiliates owns all that is Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Notes: Hello loves. I hope this chapter finds everyone well. I will leave my boring and useless ramblings to the end. I just wanted to tell everyone why this chapter is so long. If you recall a while back I was going to post an outtake about Jasper's journey after he and Carlisle parted ways in chapter nine and before chapter ten. Obviously I never got around to doing it, so I added it in this chapter. This is the missing piece to Jasper's journey. If it bores you and you don't want to relive ancient history . . . then don't read. Also please disregard any major errors you may find. This chapter wasn't Beta-ed. It was super long and I didn't want someone to have to go through it with a fine tooth comb – too much work. I just hope you enjoy . . . those of you who read. :P
Warning: Some sensitive material, towards the very end of the chapter . . . it is in italics.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
19 October – Monday
"Let me tell you the story of my long life Isabella. I should have told you from the start, but what can I say, I'm a coward." I said in my most honest voice. I could still see the hurt in her eyes, and I felt like my heart was breaking all over again.
"Jasper, you miss-understand me. There are things you don't grasp. Even though we are close, and our relationship is something else, we seem to have a problem in communicating. I guess it is one of those things that come with time." She said in her soft voice. I wasn't sure what I misunderstood, but I wanted to hear anything she wanted to tell me. "Will you allow me to explain Jasper?" she asked me while tears came unabashed to her brown and green eyes. I tentatively reached for her hand, waiting for the rejection, but to my surprise she allowed me grasp onto the person I needed the most.
"Anything angel," I responded in an equally soft voice, trying to keep the atmosphere as it was.
"I want to hear the story of your life Jasper; I want to hear anything about you. It doesn't matter to me how different you are, and I sincerely mean every word. Please feel my sincerity so there is no doubt." She became silent and waited for me to reach out to her. I did as she asked and allowed her emotions to wash over me. I closed my eyes, and relished her being near me. Anytime away from Bella was hell, and the last week was one of the worst in my life. I always needed her in my life, in any way she was willing to give. I could feel her utter love for me, and underneath it all I could feel the honesty of each word, Bella truly loved me for what I was, or what she was about to hear. I opened my eyes, and told her silently what I could feel. She squeezed my hand and continued, "When I found out from Emmett what you were, I wasn't scared or upset about what you are. It did come as a complete shock. I mean we are taught that vampires are a figment of a child's imagination, and here you are a living, breathing reality. I am a little scared about what you are capable of, but I'm not scared of you, because I know you would never hurt me Jasper." I gave her hand another squeeze, trying to tell her how right she was. I could never intentionally hurt my angel.
"The reason I was upset Jasper is simple. You didn't have faith in my love and acceptance of you. Maybe you thought I would run from you, or not want you in my life, but you never gave me the opportunity to prove my love for you. Jasper, I have lived almost ten years without you in my life, and please trust me when I say I need you just as much as you need me. Our bond and friendship was solidified when you saved a little girl from death, and gave her comfort." She said in a pleading voice. I could feel the desperation in her tone.
"I'm not sure if I can let you go again, Jasper. I'm sorry if I come off to needy, but one cannot help how they feel, they can only try and control those emotions that they have. Do you understand what I'm saying, or am I speaking in tongues?" She said in a lighter voice, and I could feel her humor. I rolled my eyes at her attempt at humor and she hit my leg.
"Come here angel," I said as I pulled her into my arms. I never wanted to let her leave the comfort of my arms. She came willingly, and again I felt myself falling for her. Could love know any bounds?
"I know I should have told you sooner, Bella but I kept making excuses. I was afraid you would leave me, or become scared of me. I understand your fear because vampires are instinctive creatures that can be dangerous. But I could never hurt you Bella, I love you too much little one. I'm sorry I didn't trust you enough, and I'm sorry for any pain I may have caused." She nodded her head and then rested it in the crook of my neck. I could feel her breath on my neck and wrapped my arms around her more securely. "My fear isn't an excuse Bella, but it can do things to a person, and make them think and act irrationally." I knew this better than anyone, and that lesson in my life was Shelly.
"I understand Jasper, and please no more sorry. I just want to hear the story of my best friend's life. I want to take that journey with you Jasper, and I want to know what has made you into the incredible person that has his arms around me." My fear started to come to life again, but I knew it was time to tell Bella the truth, for good or bad. I took a deep breath and pushed out the unnecessary air along with the fear from me, and started to tell her what I had always feared telling her.
"My life is filled with great tragedies and sins Bella. I am such a fallible creature that has caused much damage and disaster in my wake.
I told her the basics of a vampire's life, and what they need for nourishment. I told her the facts from the myths, and she laughed at me shining in the sun, which I could understand. I told and watched as she accepted my rebirth as a vampire and the life I lived with Maria and the wars I fought. She stroked my scars, as I told her what caused them and how I hated them for years because they reminded me of the horrors of my tainted past. I watched as her tears fell from her eyes and healed the scars of my past on my skin. I watched and felt as she accepted the most trying and damaging part of my past, well at the first part.
I told her of my family, and the love I felt for them. I told her about how I kept them at arm's length, and the fear I had at being rejected after another slip-up. And with each word I spoke, Bella listened and gave me her support and love.
"From the very beginning Bella, Carlisle and Esme accepted us into their family and hearts. Carlisle showed Alice and me a different kind of life. Even though Alice didn't drink from humans, her visions of Carlisle's way of life helped her adopted it from her beginning. Of course I was new to this lifestyle and didn't understand it.
After leaving that bitch Maria, and traveling with Peter and Charlotte for some time, I fell into a constant state of depression. I was tired of feeding on human, sick of feeling their emotions and fears. It was never easy to feed off them. I never imagined there was another way to live, I had only known one way since I was turned. While Alice and I searched for the Cullen's, she slowly became the center of my world. From the very beginning she showed me how to feed from animals instead of human. I thought she was baked in the head at first for suggesting it, but as I started to immerse myself in this new lifestyle, I was able to come out of my depression. I could figuratively breathe easier and enjoy Alice more. I learned to cling to my 4'11'' savior. Alice was always patience and loving. Even though I was feeding from animals now, the call of human blood was still there. It was an effort to resist it. Animals weren't near as fulfilling as humans, but I still tried for Alice. Of course my little sprite was able to see the future and helped me with my close calls. I became totally dependent on Alice and her visions. They became my conscience and dictated my every decision. I'm not saying Alice ruled every part of my life, more like I let her. We became comfortable in our roles. When we moved in with the Cullen's many things changed, but the center of my life was always Alice; every move, every unneeded breath, every word spoken by her only endeared her more to me. Alice was my all." I said in a long winded explanation and I allowed Bella to soak up what I said. I was surprised when I took in her emotions.
My little angel was jealous, and for the first time I let a smile take over my face. She knew what I felt about Mike and his role in her life.
"I know what you're smiling about, and I don't appreciate it." She said in her fiercest voice, which had the effect of a puppy growling. I kissed her temple and tried to hide my smile from her. Damn she was too cute.
"I'm sorry angel; I'll try harder to hide my amusement at your jealousy." She tried to elbow me, but I grabbed her arm, and blew in her ear. Bella started to laugh and I knew I wasn't in the doggy house. "Fine, I may feel a little green at Alice's role in your life."
"Green," I said in amusement.
"Don't push it Jazz." She said through gritted teeth. I decided to let it go, and just kissed my angel's temple again.
"I love you Isabella." I whispered in her right ear, and loved watching her shiver from my breath on her skin. Her hold on me tightened, and she buried her face in my neck. I could feel her need for me, and I knew our separation wasn't only hard on me, Bella needed me just as much, and I loved her all the more for it.
"I love you also Jasper. I missed you a lot." She said under her breath, and I could feel the heat coming from her flushed cheeks. Her awkwardness was adorable. "Please tell me more." She said from the side of my neck.
"Well the Cullen's added a whole other dynamic to our lives. Here we had an instant coven, complete with a mother and father figure, and to top it off our "vampire father" worked in a hospital. Carlisle was the picture of compassion, Bella. Carlisle, since his infancy, never fed off humans or ever had the desire to do so. He loved all of God's creatures and tried to live his life in accordance to that credo, balance in nature and the circle of life (I know very cliché). To say I was intimated by him was an understatement. He was amazing. My life had been filled with violence, hatred, and death, so very different from his; I just didn't understand Carlisle's view in life. Not only did Carlisle prescribe to the "animal diet", but he sired four other vampires that lived his life style. Add in Alice and I and Carlisle had a full time schedule.
Esme was the perfect mother figure, with so much love to give each of us. Emmett was the fun loving brother who took life as it came. I wonder if he ever took anything seriously. Rose was beautifully conceited. She had a hard life and I couldn't judge her for those faults. Edward was the stereotypical vampire; good-looking, brooding, and aloof. He always felt so much guilt for the pain he caused Esme and Carlisle, not that the rest of us didn't, but Edward seemed to take it to another level. I also felt bad for him, here he was living in a house with mated vampires, and added to it he could read out thoughts. I didn't even want to contemplate the thoughts Emmett had regarding Rose (shudders).
After time, things settled for Alice and I. She acclimated to the family so well; it was like she had always been a member of the Cullen's. She even adopted their last name. Alice got along with everyone; it was so easy to fall in love with her. Edward and Alice got along famously. Their special gifts bonded them together. They never had to speak to one another. The other could always anticipate what the other was going to do. They became very close to each other. This never lessened my relationship with Alice; she had room for both of us. My transition into the family wasn't as smooth. I always held myself back. I never allowed myself to become one of them completely, always holding back emotionally. I was never sure why I restricted myself; I guess Alice was all I really needed. Even though we seemed to fit in with the family, I had my struggles. Not only was Alice monitoring my actions and future choices, but Edward had also started to help regulate me. He was able to read my mind and help keep me in check. Not only was I already dependant on Alice, but Edward also became on my crutches. I came to rely on them to stop me instead of taking the responsibility for my own actions. When I did have slip-ups they felt they deserved the blame because they couldn't stop me in time. I knew it wasn't fair to them, and the family. But nothing really seemed to change, it was a constant circle. I wasn't the only one to slip, but the majority of them were mine. I never placed blame on Edward and Alice, it was all my doing. The years continued in this fashion until the day Alice told me we were finished, Bella and that is when my life completely changed for the better; you came into it.
Jasper's POV from the Past
(This is the story of Jasper's journey after Carlisle left when he killed Shelly and he started his New Beginning)
One day passes into the next and before you know it a year has passed. As vampires we mark time differently. Our time is atypical than others. Our time is limitless, never-ending. It passes from one day to another, one week into another, one month into another, until it has been the culmination of a year. One season slips into the next until you are back where you started. One year had passed for me in the blinking of an eye. Spring the beginning of new life, the time of rebirth. It was very fitting. It was the time after Carlisle left, after Esme and I talked about me getting out of my safety zone and learning to live my life again, after Charlotte and Peter helped me to realize my mistakes were in my vampire nature, and after I realized no matter what happened my family and friends would stand by me I began to try and live again. It was the second beginning of my solo journey in learning control.
After finally realizing what I needed to do and making my plans I left Maine. The first three months of my journey were hard. I ended up in Conway, New Hampshire. I needed to settle somewhere that was small and intimate. Part of my plan was the same as the last. Start in small towns and move up to bigger towns as I felt more comfortable with my restraint. I choose Conway because it wasn't far from where I lived in Maine and it had a huge area for hunting. Since I was going this alone I wanted to make sure I had ample hunting grounds. Conway backed up into White Mountain National Forest. This was a very ideal location for me.
The first month I was there I hunted morning and evening. My days were spent walking around the town. It was beautiful. It looked like a small beach town meets New England. It was quaint, but not tiny. It was a tourist destination, because of the nearby skiing and other attractions. As I became acquainted with the town and my surrounding, I began to feel more comfortable. The first week I limited myself to only four hours in the town. I would start down Main Street and work my way down one side and come up the other. After Main Street I would go to the local park and bring a blanket and book. After about a couple hours of reading, I would head home, which was a small house I had purchased on the out skirts of town. I would then either talk to Esme or Carlisle. After my conversations with them I would then go hunting. A few hours after hunting, I would return home and either play my guitar or write in my journal (a habit I picked up from Shelly) about my time in town, my good points, any struggles I may have had, or just about random thoughts that passed. I had also decided to learn something from each place I had settled. It didn't have to correlate with the town; I just wanted something to help occupy my time, especially at nights.
After the first week and no slips I spent more time in town. I increased my time by two hours. In those two hours, I would go to the library. I felt that being inside of a building with no constant breezes would help to build up my resistance. The first day I was so nervous I held my breath the entire time. When I went home that night I wrote in my journal how this defeated the purpose and told myself I would breathe next time. It was the only way to learn. The next day I forced myself to breath. Of course when I took the first breath my throat flared. It was bad but not unmanageable. As the days passed I was able to become better and I learned to regulate my breathing better. My favorite part of the library was the children's section. They were so pure and happy. They were unspoiled. I'm not saying all of them were angels, there were some rotten eggs in any bunch, but the majority of them were good. Their emotions were so easy to deal with. The majority of the time they were simply happy, wanting nothing more than their parents to read them a story. They were soothing to my gift. It was a joy to be around them.
As the third week passed I spent more time in the town, bringing my time to eight hours in public. My schedule was the same; walk down main street, go to the park, spend time in the library, and I added either go to a local hotel or the local mall. Going to a local hotel wasn't too bad. I would tell the front desk I was writing a book about the local attractions of Conway and decided to write a chapter on them. After telling them the white lie, they were more than gracious to let me hang around. The females were a little too nice, but they were easy to divert. I just simply ignored them. They would usually get the message, but it still didn't stop them from staring or lusting. Sometimes I would just sit in the lobby on a cloudy day or I would end up by the pool and just people watch. Going to the mall was a little more changeling for me. I'm not sure if it was the emotions of the teenagers or the woman on the hunt for a bargain, but usually when I left I was wound up pretty tightly. My trips to the mall were pretty limited. On days when it was sunny I would either go to the movies, or spend my day at the library. I would also go hiking on very shaded trails.
As the fourth week passed, my time in town was spent how I wanted. Some of the locals started to recognize me. They would yell hello and I would say high back. Other busy bodies asked what I was doing so I gave them the same story as the hotel employees. I was writing a book about the small New England towns and Conway was the first on my list. Who knew maybe I would do that some day. Suffice it to say I started carrying my journal with me on my days in town. The people were nice and friendly. I started to feel at home and settled. My throat still flared, but as I got to know the people more, it helped me to see them as friends and not food (thanks Bruce).
My second month in town was even better. May was a beautiful time in Conway. The weather varied a lot just like any town in New England during spring, beautiful in the morning and rain storms in the afternoon and evenings. I had to tweak my schedule some. I would spend my mornings in the library and according to the weather I would either walk around town or go to the mall to see a movie. I paid very close attention to the weather. I would wear long sleeves all the time and a ski cap with a scarf. One day while I was in town I was browsing around, I saw that the sun was about to come out. It was pretty sudden, so I stepped into the nearest store which was a camera shop. The clerk asked me if I was okay because I entered in so quickly. I explained how sensitive I was to the sun and no matter how many layers of clothing I wore it didn't really help. Of course my pale skin helped with my cover story. The store owner told me to look around and I could stay as long as needed. Thus begin my first thing to learn. The rest of the day was spent talking to the owner and finding out about the different cameras and what I would need to start my new hobby. I purchased my first camera a Fujifilm FinePix S5200. It was a nice camera and not to difficult to learn. After that I went to the library and checked out some books on photography. The rest of the week was spent learning how to take actual pictures and reading my books. Esme was happy to learn about my new talent and asked me to send some of my pictures via computer, which was another thing I needed to buy. After I bought a computer I was able to download them. I learned to Photoshop and make my pictures look good.
I took my camera everywhere with me. Looking through the lens of a camera was different. I saw the world differently. While capturing an image, I allowed myself to wonder how my subjects came about doing what I was shooting. My favorite picture was of a little girl picking a flower and handing it to her mother. Another one of my favorites was of a father giving his son a piggy back ride. The joy on the boy's face was breathtaking. He looked at his father as he was the best thing next to chocolate. Esme loved my pictures. She said it brought her along on my journey. She was able to see it with her own eyes. Carlisle loved them too. His favorite one was of the local church. That was a nice day. I took those pictures especially for him.
By the time my third month came to a close, I realized how quickly my time in Conway, New Hampshire had passed. I was planning on moving at the end of the week. It was part of my plan. I had already purchased a house and Esme had purchased all of the furniture I needed. She was such a great woman. All would be ready when I left. On my last day in Conway, I walked down Main street and said my goodbyes to the people I had come to know. There was Beth from the camera store. She was probably the one I knew the most. She helped me learn photography and would answer any question I had for her. She was wonderful and never made me feel like I was intruding on her store. I went by the library and cancelled my library card. I spent some time in the children section soaking up the good vibes I always received from them. Children were simply amazing. My love for them seemed to be growing by leaps. I didn't take time to go anywhere else. There was one thing I decided to do for the library. I went home and finished my project for them and decided to do one for Beth. She was my inspiration after all. After it was completed, I finished packing the things I would take with me and closed up my first house. After a late start because I needed to hunt and I wanted to take a shower before I left, I made my way into town. I first stopped to give Beth her surprise. When she opened my gift she cried. It was a photo album of the town and the surrounding woods of the town I had taken. There were about four hundred pictures total. I told her to use it for her store. She could show her customers what an interest in photography could turn into. She was amazed by my gift and thanked me continuously.
After going to the library and dropping of my gift for them I took one more drive down Main Street and headed for my next destination. My photo albums for the library where the same, except there were more photos of the library itself including all of the photos I made for Beth. They were astounded and so thankful for such a wonderful gift. Their gratitude almost left me staggering. I'm just glad I wasn't there for the check they received for the new children's wing of the library. The only request I made was that they named it after Esme Cullen. She was my inspiration for all things beautiful and lovely.
After driving the 157 miles to my new home, I found my home. When I finished moving around the furniture that had arrived yesterday, I decided to take a drive around the local town. I wanted to get a feel for it. Pulling away from my house I was able to see it was bigger than I needed, but I figured if the family ever wanted to use it there would be room for them. It was a beautiful two story red brick house. It had about three bedrooms and was quite pretty. I took out my camera and took a quick picture for Esme. I would attach it to a little thank you note for all she had done.
I drove in to the town and feel in love with it. The town was very picturesque. It was the quintessential New England town nestled in the mountains. It was known as the gateway to the Green Mountains. Brick shops lined the streets and the square in town had a gazebo in the middle to lounge. After taking my fill of the town I decided to go home and hunt. This was my fourth month of my second beginning and I was proud of myself. My plan was working thus far. Last time I ventured out on my own I didn't do so well. I never had a set plan. Even though I had made it six months without killing anyone, I was still disorganized. My time was spent just doing anything I felt that day. From the time of my horrible mistake, I learned that a routine was good, but in moderation. I still left time for random outings, but my life was more structured. It helped me to control my environment more. In learning to control my surrounding, it helped me to control my thirst.
As the next day came about, I went searching the town. There were many antiques shops and home good stores. The day was cloudy so I spent the day browsing the shops. I think one of my new routines would be checking out the different antique store during the week. After shopping on Main Street I stopped by the local library and got a library card. It was a nice quaint library. Some of the nooks reminded me of Carlisle studies. When I was done at the library I took a quick stroll in the center of town on the local green. The town was just beautiful.
As the last week of June passed and July came about I had already settled in town. The folks were very friendly, especially those in the antique stores, I think spending lots of money helped. It was one of my favorite things to do. My love of history helped me to fall in love with the treasures I found. The history of a piece of furniture could be just as exciting as a history story, or maybe it was just me. My routine was quickly established and my love for Bristol grew. In the morning, depending on the weather, I would take a walk on the center lawn and sit for a while in the gazebo. I would then spend a few hours on Main Street browsing the shops and taking pictures of everything. Everywhere I looked was a picture just waiting to happen. My afternoons would be spent hiking the nearby trails and taking more pictures or going to the library to read up on the local history. As I became more comfortable with myself and the humans around me my control on my thirst grew by leaps and bounds. My love for the people and their stories helped me to see them as more and I was thankful for the time I was able to spend with them. I was just four months into my journey and I was feeling more confident than before. I hardly ever thought about my thirst anymore. At times I would pass someone who smelled more appetizing then the next, but then I would pick up my camera and take a picture of them. It helped me to see them as real people with real lives, and real interests.
Summers in Bristol were nice and pleasant. Even though it was sunny on some day, more often than not it was cloudy. Just the kind of weather I liked. It helped me to be around people more, which is where I loved to be these days and I was able to experience more. I wish I had decided to take a soul searching journey earlier on in my life, maybe things would have turned out differently, but then I would have never had the opportunity to have met my little Bella Angel. My relationship with Carlisle and Esme would not be as good and solid as it is today. I often wondered, but then I just figure it is what it is and c'est la vie. Summer nights on the green in Bristol were special. The Bristol Band presented outdoor summer band concerts. They were held on Wednesday from the months of June through August. It started shortly after the Civil War. Folks would bring their lawn chairs‚ visit with neighbors and enjoy the music. There were some people I recognized, and those I didn't introduced themselves to me. I told them I was writing a book on New England Towns and this was one of my stops. I would be here for the summer. They gave me ideas on what to do and other local towns to visit. My first concert was amazing. I brought my blanket and listened to the music as I looked into the heavens. It was truly a magical evening for me. The only down side was the singles girls seemed to find their way near my blanket. I would have to remedy that next time.
The fourth of July dawned bright and cloudy. I couldn't have been happier; I would be able to take part in the town's celebration. My biggest surprise came a little later that day. As I was getting ready to leave for town, Esme and Carlisle showed up on my door step. They decided to come for the long weekend and see what I was up to. I couldn't even describe my happiness at seeing them. I picked up Esme and spun her around.
"Goodness Jasper, what has you in such a good mood?" She asked in between laughs.
"Well I open my door to see two of the people I love most in the world, the day is cloudy and I get to spend the day in town celebrating our nations Independence Day. What is there not to be happy about?" Esme just shook her head and stared at me. Carlisle took his turn and hugged me.
"Son it is good to see you. I am happy to see you so happy. After the last time, I wasn't sure when I would see your smile again."
"Thanks Carlisle. I seem to have a lot to smile about these days and now I have even more because you two are here." After showing them in and to their room (thank goodness I decided to get a bigger house) Esme gushed about how much she loved the house. She said her favorite was the view from the deck. It was quite amazing. It was a view of the Green Mountain foothills.
"My goodness Jasper, even though you have sent me pictures of your view it is just breathtaking in person. I would spend all my time out here. You may never get rid of me!"
"You may stay as long as you like. I would love for you and Carlisle to feel welcome." After finishing the tour, we drove into town and parked down the street because of all the traffic.
We decided to grab a spot to watch the Parade that would be going by. It was the longest running parade in Vermont and I was excited to see it, but not as excited as Carlisle and Esme, you'd think they were children in Disney world. I picked my camera up and took numerous pictures of them.
"Jasper, I can see why you love this town so much. I know you haven't been here long, but I can see why it was so easy for you to fall in love with it. The history is rich and the town is beautiful." Carlisle said.
"I know Carlisle; I would love to move here if there were more cloudy days in the year, maybe we can move here just for the summer next year. I would love to check out all of the antique stores. Just by looking at Jasper's house, I know I would find so many good treasures. And the movie and concerts on the green would be simply amazing. The people just seem so nice. Everyone is waving to us as they go and they haven't even met us yet, most usually do their best to ignore us out of fear. Don't you just love it Carlisle." Esme questioned him without even taking a breath. I think next year, they would be summering here. I knew it was just the kind of town Esme and Carlisle would love. As the parade started Esme just got more excited. She was like a child on a fucking sugar high. The parade included fire trucks, floats, National Guard units, Scouts and marching bands with some traveling from Canada.
"Oh Carlisle look at the fire trucks especially that old one. The attention to detail in that period was just amazing. Jasper, make sure you get some good pictures. Look at the new fire truck Carlisle; it looks so different from the one where we live. Oh, Carlisle look at the beauty queen float, aren't the little girls simply divine, especially with the lilies in their hair. Jasper, make sure you get a picture of their hair." Why she needed a picture of that I'm not sure, so I just did as she asked.
"Carlisle don't the scouts just look so handsome in their uniforms. They look like little gentleman. Oh Carlisle did you see the National Guard. Those men and women are so brave. Their courage reminds me so much of our Jasper's, don't you think." I wonder if she forgot about me standing right next to her. Carlisle just smiled and winked at me over her head.
"On Carlisle the marching band is simply excellent. I just love the way they played the Star Spangled Banner. It makes me want to cry. Esme's face was so beautiful in that moment I had to take a picture. I knew Carlisle would love it. It was going to be his Christmas present. All I had to do was find the right antique frame, nothing else would do. "Jasper, make sure . . ."
"I know Esme; make sure I take a picture!" I joked with her. Carlisle busted up laughing.
"Very funny boys. Don't make me punish you, especially on such a fun day!"
After the parade was over we made our way to the empty field where they set up rides for the kids, and craft booths for the adults. There was food, games, and arts and crafts of all kinds. Esme even got her face painted with the American Flag. I was just speechless. I had never seen her so excited and happy. Carlisle just smiled and indulged her until she made us get our face painted too. There was just no arguing with her.
"Okay boys your turn and I get to pick out the painting."
"Esme you have got to be joking. There is no way in hel . . . heaven," I amended has she shot me the mother look, "that I am going to have my face painted. That is for little kids and women."
"I'm with Jasper on this one dear. I'm a doctor and an upstanding member of the community, you cannot expect me to get my face painted like a child. It just cannot be done."
"Oh is that so boys. Do I need to remind you of the childish game you and Jasper played in Maine or did you think I didn't know about that? Oh yes Alice likes to talk to her mother. So you will be getting your face painted or you will taste that nasty shit you called beaver again. Do I make myself clear?" Well shit! She had us both and there was nothing we could do.
Esme said because we pulled the "Doctor card" and the "Sexist Card", which I just didn't believe, she punished us with the face paint she chose, and we had to wear it until the end of the fair. For Carlisle she picked a pink Unicorn, because he was beautiful and majestic like one. That shit was just funny no matter how she tried to spin it. Carlisle was not a happy camper but I couldn't help but laugh. My chuckles ended when she choice a fucking power ranger with the words 'I love Jasper' painted on the side of its mouth. She said it was for the kid in me. That shit was just not funny.
After face painting, Esme had some people take a picture of us and we continued on our way.
"You boys just look handsome. All the girls will want a piece of you." Bullshit. All the girls were laughing at us because of what we had on our damn faces. Esme would pay for this. I could read the same look on Carlisle's face. Revenge would be sweet. When we were done visiting all the different stands and getting humiliated, we made our way to the green for the fireworks. Esme dropped her hundreds of bags at the car and went to find us a spot on the green. Carlisle and I made a beeline for the bathroom. After that shit was finally off my face, I stopped by the car to get my surprise. For the rest of the night Esme, Carlisle, and I played games. Esme loved the surprise. We played Uno, phase ten, and poker, which Esme totally kick our asses in (who the hell knew she was such a card shark). We rounded off our little sessions with a look at some of my photo albums. I wanted Esme and Carlisle to see some more of my photos.
"You are so talented Jasper. Of course I'm not surprised son. You can do anything you set your mind to. I do have a favor to ask about your next hobby." I was intrigued.
"Ask away Esme."
"I would like for it to be musical. I don't care what you choose, but I just love when my children can play instruments. I already know you can play the guitar and you are amazing, but I would like for you to learn something else. It is up to you darling." I was surprised by her request. I knew she loved when Edward played the piano for her, but I didn't know she would want me to play for her. I was honored to say the least.
"Of course Esme. It would be a privilege to learn to play for you. I was considering it already. Remember I told you about the concerts in the park. Well there was an instrument I became very interested in. I won't tell you until I learn, and please don't cheat and ask Alice. Carlisle, please make sure Alice doesn't say anything."
Esme just pouted and Carlisle smiled. It was part of my revenge for that fucking power ranger that was painted on my face. "It would be my pleasure to make sure she doesn't cheat, son" I guess he was still pissed off too. Esme just pouted more.
"That shit is just not fair." Esme barely whispered under her voice. I wasn't even sure if I heard her say it. But looking at Carlisle smiling, I knew she had. It just got better and better.
"So son, have I told you today how proud I am of you. Not once did you show any need to leave. You are so amazing. You have been on your own and your control is wonderful. I knew you could do it. From the very beginning, I knew you had the fortitude that it took. Never once did I doubt you son. I knew after Shelly your will would be iron clad. It is the way you function. You never cease to amaze me." I was touched by Carlisle's speech. I loved to feel his pride in me. It was so strong I had a hard time staying upright.
"Carlisle is right darling, you are simply amazing. Every day you get out and prove to yourself what you can do, everyday you challenge yourself to do better, and every day is another victory for you. I know some days are harder for you than others, but you never let it keep you down. You fight and you succeed. I have always had the faith in you. I know you just needed the time and the opportunity to prove it to yourself. I am so very proud of you dear. Carlisle and I couldn't be happier."
"Thank you and I am so glad you surprised me today. You have made today even more amazing. I'm so glad you are here and I love you both." Just as I finished talking, the first firework shot into the sky, lighting it in all it beauty. The three of us laid back on the blanket and enjoyed the show. I would watch them surreptitiously out of the corner of my eye. They were a beautiful sight in my world. Esme and Carlisle is what I wanted with my mate. I would be so lucky to have a love like theirs. When the finale started Esme started to clap and exclaim how beautiful everything was. Carlisle and I smiled at each other and had to agreed. When all was done, we loaded everything back into my bag and headed for the car. When we got home Esme and Carlisle went upstairs, and I went for a hunt. I would give them some privacy. After a few hours and finding myself a black bear, I headed home. I went into my computer room and uploaded my pictures. My favorite was of Carlisle and Esme during the firework show. They were staring into each other's eyes. The love was written all over their face. Esme had a gentle smile on her face as Carlisle moved a piece of her hair behind her ear. They were a gorgeous couple. When I was done, I picked up a book and started reading. Carlisle joined me after a bit and we sat in solitude for the remainder of the night. Esme spent the rest of the night on the deck looking at the stars.
Toward dawn, we all went hunting. After taking down my share I waited for them to finish. Carlisle joined me soon after and just stared at the clouds. "Your control and discipline are a beautiful thing son. I know you kids think that Edward is my favorite, but I wanted you to know all of you are my favorite, Edward was my first son, but you were my last. You both have your individual parts in my heart and they are equal. I just wanted you to know that, and Esme feels the same way. We love you all in equal amounts. Never doubt your place in the family and when you are ready we cannot wait for you to take your place in the home again; forever my son, my handsome, loving, and strong willed son."
"Thank you Carlisle for everything. Most importantly thank you for all the time and patience you have invested in me. I am so thankful for the day Alice brought me to the two of you." I smiled at Carlisle. He just hugged me and we sat in silence waiting for Esme. About two minutes later she just happened to show up. I know Carlisle wanted to have a father son talk with me. He always wanted to show his love and support to his children. Esme just hugged and kissed my forehead. She then whispered in my ear.
"Your father is right. Forever my son!"
After we were done with all the family moments we went back to the house. It was another cloudy day. Esme and Carlisle already knew this thanks to Alice. They had a wonderful time for the rest of their stay. Esme continued to fall in love with the town. She loved all of the antique shops and the owners loved her in return, or they loved the money she dropped, but I think it was the latter. She had a way of bewitching those she met. We watched a movie on the green that night and went home. Esme and Carlisle looked at the rest of my albums and commented on their favorites. I didn't let them see their Christmas presents though. On Sunday, we went on a hike, at the human speed and just enjoyed being together. We did talk Esme into eating a beaver. She just didn't believe us about how bad they were.
"Damn it Carlisle how could you allow me to eat that shit. You should have warned me, what the hell is your problem." Carlisle was just stunned. She hardly ever cursed, but when she did it was funny as hell (as long as it wasn't directed at you). I did feel sorry for Carlisle. To appease her he had to eat another beaver, I shuddered just thinking about it. Even though those little buggers were nasty, Carlisle would eat a hundred if it made Esme happy. Since they were leaving on Monday morning and wouldn't be able to see the concert in the park I set up a surprise for them. As dusk approached I drove them into the town and walked them to the green. The gazebo was decorated in fairy lights and the band was already playing a Glen Miller piece I knew Esme loved, Esme just looked at me and her eyes watered. Carlisle was just stunned again for the second time that day.
"Surprise; I know you wanted to see the band Esme so I set this up for you, dancing and music under the stars. I hope you and Carlisle have a good night. I will be back in a couple hours to get you.
After the allotted time I went back for them. While they were in their final dance, I took my camera out and took a picture of them. I would title the picture 'A Timeless Couple'. The title fit them perfectly. When they were done, they came over and hugged me together.
"That was one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received Jasper, thank you for being such a thoughtful son, darling. Carlisle and I love you so much. You are such a joy and a blessing to us."
"It was no problem and the band will be able to get some knew instruments out of the deal. So everyone wins."
"Now let's go home and play some more games. Maybe this time we can kick Esme's ass."
"Carlisle what kind example are you setting for our son. Language, darling." Esme seemed to forget her little slip earlier today, but Carlisle was smart enough not to mention it.
"Yes dear. I will watch what I say around the children, since they are so impressionable."
"Thanks, darling that's all I ask. Now we may go home." Carlisle just rolled his eyes behind her back and winked.
After we got home and took out the games it was past midnight. Esme, Carlisle, and I spent the remainder of the night getting our ass kicked by Esme. I don't know how she did it, but I am sure she cheated somehow. No one was able to beat me at poker. Well I guess except Esme.
After going on one more family hunt, Esme and Carlisle were ready to go. No matter how old you were, it was always hard to say goodbye to your parents. Even though you made memories, you would remember forever, it was hard. I wasn't ready to let them go, but Carlisle was needed at the hospital and Esme was in the middle of a huge restoration project. She couldn't be gone too long.
Esme grabbed me and started to sob. "I love you baby, please come back to me soon. It is never the same without you. Please hurry up and come back to me. I miss you so much. I love you son. I am so very happy for you and your success. Nothing has pleased me more this year than your continued effort, darling." I picked Esme and just hugged her.
"I will come home. I cannot promise you a time, but one day I will come home. I just need some more time. I love you mother, forever and always." I hugged her once more and placed her back on the ground. Carlisle came next. He first shook my hand.
"You will never know how much this time with you has meant to us Jasper. Your success is our success, your happiness is our happiness, and your eternal joy is our eternal joy. I know you need more time, but we still miss you. Time will never diminish our love and pride in you. Do what you need to do and then come home. We all miss you. Emmett told me to tell you he has an appointment to kick your butt in Halo so you better hurry up before it goes out of style. Those are Emmett's words and not mine so don't look at me like that." Esme and I just smiled at him trying to keep our snickers to a minimum.
Carlisle came up to me and placed his hands on either side of my face as he had done last time I needed to be reassured. "Please hurry home son, your mother and I need you. Our family is never complete without you. Take care of yourself and if you need me just call. That is all the fatherly advice I will give you for now." Carlisle kissed my cheek and then stepped back. Esme gave me one more hug and kiss then allowed Carlisle to assist in the car, 'The Classic Couple' to the end. When the car was started Esme looked back and smiled. I could see the tears in her eyes she could never shed, and my heart broke. She waved once more and then they were gone once again.
They were part of my life weather they were here or not and I would always miss them. I spent the rest of the day at home just lounging. I was glad I was able to receive the solo time with them. I felt like a little smothered by my parents attention and I loved every moment of it. They were such a blessing and I hoped everyone had some kind of Carlisle and Esme in their life. Esme called me when they got home and reassured me of her love again. The rest of the week passed quickly. I settled in my routine once again. It was never the same again without Carlisle and Esme, but I stilled loved the town.
As the month of July passed and August came, I knew this would be a hard month. It would be the year anniversary of Alice saying goodbye and my meeting the little angel.
End of August – Anniversary of meeting Bella
I took my guitar, my journal, and a blanket and went to my favorite spot by the river. The sun decided to shine again today, trying to warm my soul and heal it. It was just as well it shined today because I wasn't going into town. As I lay beneath the sun's rays, I closed my eyes and let the heat soak into my body. The sun was the reason for life and it seemed to bring my soul out of obscurity and into life. It wasn't very often that my kind was able to enjoy the sun, but when I did it brought warmth and clarity to my mind. As I closed my eyes, Bella's face appeared in my mind's eye. I pictured the night I was changed and all that happened. I thought about the turning point in my life and I thought about my hunger and the burn I felt that night. I thought about Bella's eyes and how I could almost read into her soul as it cried out to mine. I always wondered how a little girl of ten was able to have such a profound impact on my life. I guess saving the life of a person creates a bond between the individuals that is unbreakable. Opening up my eyes, I looked around me and enjoyed the peace I felt at the time. For once I almost felt healed, my ghosts and sins quieted in that moment and allowed me the solitude. I pulled out my journal and wrote what my mind and heart were screaming to say.
What it is that connects people together? What is it that brings two people together in one place, one time, and in one shared experience? Some call it fate and destiny and other call it coincidence. Some believe it is divine intervention or a higher power leading you down your chosen path. I'm not sure what it is, but I am thankful for the experience. I am not proud of my actions that almost hurt Bella, I would never be proud of that moment; it was one of my darkest experiences. I had just lost Alice and the driving force that propelled my existence. None of these are excuses or reasons; it was just the way my life was at the time.
When I came upon Bella I only thought with my instincts, how a predator sees it prey, my next meal. When I finally realized she was only a child I wanted to kill myself. I always had one cardinal rule for myself and that was to never drain a child. I would end my own existence before I had ever harmed a little one. They were never to be thought of as my next meal. I hated myself because I couldn't even do one thing right. I had let myself make excuses as to why it was okay for me to eat this human. In that moment I just didn't give a fuck. Her smell was so mouth watering and delicious. It would never rank anywhere near Shelly's, nevertheless I was hungry and wanted that blood, nothing was going to stop me, or so I thought. After realizing Bella was a child, I wanted to rid myself of her taste and the vile thoughts I had about draining her.
She asked me if I was okay. She was completely sincere. She had no fear for her safety or her life, she was worried about me. Again I wanted to gag. Here was this child that I wanted to make my meal and she cared for me. She asked me if I was her angel because I was so pretty and I couldn't help but laugh. After a while Bella asked if I could help her. I still hadn't fed so I kept my distance in case she made any sudden movements. I didn't want the monster in me to react. When her eyes fluttered closed, I took one more look into her untainted brown doe eyes. I wanted to keep that image with me forever. It was in that moment I had promised her I would get off the fence and try to be better. I needed to stop flip flopping. I needed to stop making lame excuses for my lack of control and learn how to take responsibility for the monster that resided in me. Bella had also given me a new drive and objective to try and strive toward. My soul seemed to accept this challenge. I didn't want to drown anymore. I wanted and needed to learn to swim again.
When I was finished putting Bella into a deep sleep and I gently kissed her head, the promise that was in my soul seemed to become one. I felt warm inside for that single second and then it was over. But I knew that something had been irretrievably changed for good. Even in the six months that followed, and I was surrounded in darkness again, my soul embraced her promise. It may have been lost in that darkness, but it was always there. When I killed Shelly I thought I had lost that part of my soul forever, but it never left or deserted me. Bella's part of my soul wouldn't let me forget. With Shelly's sacrifice and Carlisle's guidance, her part of my soul was able to grow again and flourish in the light. I knew there was more to do, but my experience with an angel child helped me to change for the better.
I never knew if I would see Bella again or if our lives would cross again, but I would always carry a part of her with me, the most beautiful and innocent part of my soul.
After reliving a part of my past that was hard for me to think of, I decided to go for a quick hunt. I always felt drained when thinking about what I could have done to something so precious. I knew her birthday would be next month and I hoped she had a day filled with happiness and love. She deserved nothing but the best.
When I was done hunting I went home and checked my email. There was one that I didn't recognize. When I opened it the message read, September 13 and to do something special. I was confused about what was so special about this day, and then I thought about Bella. This must have been an email from Alice. I should have figured she knew about another one of my weak moments. I was ashamed she knew, but I was also excited I knew Bella's birthday. Even though I didn't know where she was or lived, I would do something special for her regardless.
As the month of September came I was really busy with my cello lessons and the other projects I had going. I found two frames for Esme and Carlisle's pictures and I purchased instruments for the band as part of my agreement with them. I was also busy looking for a new house in my next destination. Esme said she would buy the furniture again and have everything delivered. While antique hunting I found an amazing silver brush set for Esme. I knew she would love it. It was etched with lilies and roses. The mirror was square instead of round and the glass had the wave look it attained when it aged. The mirror set was ageless, just like my mother. For Carlisle I had found a fountain pen he could put in his study at home.
September 13th finally arrived and I decided what I was going to do for Bella. I knew she would never know, but I decided to start a tradition to do something good on her birthday, to make up for the bad that I did in my life. I knew it would never erase my sins, but I wanted to do something. The first thing I did was order cupcakes for all the children at the local schools (that included elementary, middle, and high school). Her present was done in her name. I had the gazebo in town painted a beautiful off white color and a row of cherry blossoms planted around it. The trees would be some of the first things that blossomed in the spring and bring joy to all that looked at them. I also found a broach in one of the antique stores in the shape of an angel. I knew I wouldn't have the chance to give it to her, but I loved it anyways.
The rest of September passed along with my time in Bristol. It had been a good three months. Some of the time was magical, filled with moments I would take with me always, some of the time was hard because of the different anniversaries that passed, and some was busy due to my lessons. I was now able to play basic pieces on my cello. I knew the more time I practiced, the better I would become. Time was on my side, and I had an eternity of it. Bristol would always have a special part of my heart, and one of these years I wanted to come back to sit among the Cherry Blossoms.
I went home and packed the rest of my stuff and loaded my truck. I took one more sentimental drive around town and said a silent goodbye to a time filled with growth and progress.
The house in Saratoga Springs, New York was so beautiful. I decided to buy this home because of its location. I had about two acres of land on the shore of the Saratoga Lake. My property wasn't near a major park or forest like the other ones. I knew it was time for me to learn how to go longer without hunting. My goal was to limit it to everyday for the first month. If that went well and I didn't struggle so much I would be going every two days in November and December. I didn't want to move to fast. I wanted to get use to weaning myself slowly. It was one of the reasons I had moved to a bigger town than my last two locations. It was also why I got a house closer to town, but far enough I could have my privacy.
The house was a two story house that had 3 bedrooms and two baths. The top layer of the house was made of red brick. There were three dormer windows that faced the west and had an amazing view of the lake. The bottom half of the house was made of river rocks in colors of beige and white. It was just stunning. As soon as I saw a picture of it I knew it was mine. The furniture Esme purchased was contemporary and matched the style of the house perfectly. The down stairs was painted a light taupe color with a fire place in the living room that continued into the master bedroom. The furniture was a deep brown with two turquoise arm chairs. The color scheme was striking and something I would have never thought of. Esme was the decorator after all.
My bedroom was done in shades of grey and emerald green. The bedroom set was a dark teak wood that brought everything together. My study I set up myself. After I was done unloading all of my books and computer equipment, I took pictures of the house and sent them to Esme. There was no need for me to hunt because I had already taken care of it before coming. So I got back into my truck and took a drive around the town.
Main Street was bigger than the previous two towns, but still pretty nonetheless. Saratoga Springs had a population of about 24,000 people. There were shops, restaurants, and museums. There was a local mall and bowling alley. My favorite place I found was Congress Park. It had a pond in the middle with two gazebos on either side. The lawn was dark green and had a walking path around it. There were plenty of trees planted and were full of their summer leaves. Some people were reading books and others were walking their dogs. The feel was peaceful and content. I then drove to Caroline Street. It also had many shops, but also offered different bars and nightlife. It was something I was going to look into. There was a racing track near town and a local polo club.
After checking out the town and returning home I sat down and figured out a tentative routine. I knew on days that were cloudy would be spent in Congress Park. I also planned on days that were sunny I would check out the local museums and galleries. I would photograph the local town and surrounding areas. I also planned spending time during the day on Main Street and enjoying the local festivals they offered in the fall. With a routine laid out I looked at the time. It was about four in the morning and decided to go hunting. I figured this would be a good time. People who enjoyed the nightlife would be home by now and others who worked early wouldn't be getting up for another couple of hours. I figured I would hunt about three or four in the morning each day. If I needed more substance I could always take a day trip or go on the weekends. I got in my truck and drove the hour on highway 29 to the south end of the Adirondacks. After taking down a couple of moose and a wolf I headed home and took a shower. I knew hunting once a day was going to be a new challenge for me, but I knew I was ready. I welcomed the test.
I had passed my personal test. Five months had passed and with it my self esteem. I became stronger and more in control of the thirst that always ruled my life. I was now hunting every four days. I would never presume to say it was easy and I never thought about the blood of humans I constantly surrounded myself with, but my thirst was in firm control. I was now living in Poughkeepsie, New York.
My time in Saratoga Springs went as well as I had wanted. I never bonded with the town as much I had with Bristol, but I still enjoyed my time there. The majority of my cloudy days were spent in Congress Park. There was nothing like it in town. The peace and contentment I got there was just serene; children laughed and played, dogs chased after the toys their masters threw, and lovers sat under the changing leaves of autumn and kissed each other with the passion and love they felt. Of course there was the occasional bratty child and obnoxious dog, but they left me memories of funny laughter and enjoyable times. One time there was a child that wanted to go swimming in the lake and his dad said no. Of course this didn't sit well with the little demon, so he kicked his father in his shin and took off. The boy ran into the water and started crying because the swans that were next to him started to attack him. There were two of them and I guess they didn't like being disturbed. He ran out of the water toward his father crying about the big ass bird that bit him on his belly button. I'm not sure if he was telling the truth, but I knew that when the kid got out of the water he had a load in the back of his pants that would leave several skid marks in his unmentionables. The little brat got what he deserved. Maybe he would learn to listen to his father. I made sure to take plenty of pictures to send to Esme and told her to feel lucky Emmett was at least house trained; she just laughed and then pretended to scold me.
I also spent time in the local museums and art galleries. There were some pretty good local talent and I bought Esme and Carlisle a painting of my favorite park. I wanted them to experience the joy and peace I felt there. I took hundreds of pictures and kept my albums up to date. I had dozens of them, but these pictures would always be dear to me. These were the imagines and moments that helped define and mold me into the person I was today. My journey was not complete, but it was going well and I was proud of myself. I didn't slip once and was only tested once. It came at a time that was unexpected. My new hobby I picked up in this town was karaoke singing. I knew it sounded funny, but it was a way for me to release some emotions. I had always loved music.
One night I was walking around town and passed a local bar. The emotions from the bar were not what I was expecting. Most of the time I felt lust, drunkenness, and other emotions you would expect, but this particular place was different. I could hear people singing and I stopped to listen. The lyrics to the songs and the emotions the singers were emitting were amazing. I realized that for some of them this was a release, a moment to let go of any feelings they didn't want to hold on to. People in the crowd felt these sensations and lived them with the singer. I learned it was therapeutic for some and after they seemed to feel better. I discovered this was another hobby. I never liked to be the center of attention or in the spot light. But when I was on stage, everything disappeared in the lights and the only things remaining were the song, my voice, and the feelings of me and the crowd. The very first song I sang was 'Mercy' by One Republic. It reminded me of my little angel and I wanted the crowd to feel the amazing person she was. It was quite an intimate moment. It gave me this rush I hadn't felt in a while. After that I became addicted and would perform every other night. I was a crowd favorite and would have blushed at the welcome they gave me if I had blood in my system.
October turned into the end of November and the trees became bear. There was a chill in the air and people started getting ready for the holidays. The feelings around town were addicting. People were happy and in good spirits because of the holiday season. The decorations around town were beautiful and the local festivals were fun to attend. I bought some of the local crafts and put them around the house. I bought Emmett a shirt that had a picture of a bear pointing down to his pants and said 'My Bare Essentials'. I'm not sure why I bought it. Yes, Emmett reminded me of a bear and he said inappropriate things, so I guess the shirt reminded me of him and his naïveté.
One night at the end of November I was walking to my car to head home to hunt. I had just finished singing at the karaoke bar and was riding an emotional high. I passed a dark alley and heard a muffled sound. Then I felt the emotions. There was intense pain and hurting. There were also feelings of shame and sadness. As I approached the alley I could smell the blood. My body tensed up and my eyes darkened. It had been a long time that I was exposed to fresh spilt blood. She smelled of daisies. I closed my eyes and sampled her taste on my tongue. I knew this was the test I seemed to be waiting for. I was feeding every two days and was planning on going tonight. I took in a couple more breaths and acclimated myself to her scent. At this moment I knew that I was in control. I approached her cautiously making sure I was in control the entire time. She still hadn't realized I was there. I could see she was crumbled on the ground and her clothes were torn. I could smell the sex in the air and knew what had taken place. My heart broke for her in that moment. I knew she was going to be living through hell and learning to cope with what had been done to her. As I came closer to the woman I could hear her whimpering and crying. She kept repeating how it was her fault and she should have been quicker. My heart seemed to be marked with another scar for this poor creature that was broken. I got down on my knees and called out to her. I didn't want to startle her by touching. I knew that would send her over the edge.
"Hello miss," I said as quietly as possible. Of course she jumped and started to move away from me.
"Please, just leave me alone. I won't tell anyone, just leave me alone. I just want to go home." She cried as she tried to cover herself up. She was facing opposite me and couldn't see my face. I made sure I was still in control before I took another breath and spoke to her again.
"Miss, I'm not going to hurt you I promise. I just want to help." I threw wave after wave of calm to her. I knew she was hurting and I didn't want to cause her anymore pain. She slowly calmed down and faced me. She was still beautiful. Her blond hair was a mess. It was coated with her blood at her temples. She had bruises on her cheeks and her right eye was already turning black. Her lip was cut and blood was coating the lining. She had bruises on her neck and wrists. Her shirt was tattered and her pants were still around her knees. My anger flared and I wanted to kill that fucker so badly. She must have felt my anger because she started to cower again. I flooded her with waves of calm.
"It's okay now. I promise I won't hurt you. I just want to help. Could you tell me who did this to you?" She just shook her head and started to cry again. Her green eyes filled with tears and spilled over the rims. I just wanted to make her world a little better. I knew I was in control of myself and I wasn't going to cause her more pain. I reached out to her and placed my hand on her shoulder. She immediately tensed up and tried to remove my hand.
"I'm not going to hurt you. Please let me help you." She looked at me through her emerald eyes and I push some confidence at her. I needed to get her help. I wasn't sure how bad she was and I didn't know the extent of her injuries. She stopped fighting and looked into my eyes. I knew they were darker than usual but with my gift I could tell she was calming down a little bit. I kept my hand on her shoulder and sat next to her. I took my jacket off and put it in her.
"What is your name miss?" I could tell she was still debating and I just gave her time.
"Alexia, my name is Alexia." She whispered with tears running down her battered cheeks. I gently lifted my hand to her face and wiped at the tears that continued to come. She leaned her head into my cold one. I could tell the coldness helped with her pain. She then broke down. She couldn't hold her emotions together anymore. Before she fell to the ground, I caught her and placed her head in my lap. I stroked her hair and whispered she was safe and I was going to get help for her. Blood coated my hand and venom pooled in my mouth. Even though my body reacted to its natural food source, I knew I wasn't going to hurt her. I was for once in control of my monster and I wasn't going to let go. I would always wonder where my strength came from that night. It was another turning point in my life. Alexia started to calm some and I knew she needed to go to the hospital.
"Alexia, I need to call the police," I started to say but she became frantic.
"Please sir, I just want to go home. He said that if I called the police, he would kill me. I just want to go home." She pleaded with me. I knew she needed to get examined. I didn't want to go against her wishes, but she needed to be examined. If there was the slightest chance to catch that bastard then she needed to be examined. I knew I would have to go against her. I just felt horrible.
"My name is Jasper. I know you want to go home, but you have to get checked out. A doctor needs to make sure you are okay. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I won't let that son-of-a-bitch hurt you. Look at me Lexi." I asked her softly. She turned her emerald eyes to me and just stared.
"I promise Lexi. I won't let him hurt you. Please you need a doctor; I just want to make sure you are okay. Do you think you could let me call the police?" I could tell she was wavering again; I intensified her trust and confidence. I felt like shit for doing it, but I didn't want anyone else to be attacked by the asshole. Her bright green eyes were shinning with tears and she continued to stare. I just waited for her to answer. Finally after a couple minutes she reluctantly gave me her permission.
"Okay Jasper." She murmured. I pulled her head to my shoulder and let her cry. I could feel her fright and sadness. I slowly took my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed nine-one-one. When I explained to the operator what happened and where we were I hung up. I treaded my fingers through her hair and gently rocked her.
"It's going to be better, Lexi. You did the right thing. I know it was hard but you did the right thing. Never fear that bastard. I know it is so much easier said than done, but you did nothing wrong Lexi. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm so sorry." I continued to say. I wasn't sure what to do. I wish Carlisle or Esme were here. They always knew what to say and how to react. I wondered if Lexi had any family.
"Lexi, do you have anyone you want me to contact?"
"No Jasper, my family lives in another state. I'm here because I needed a fresh start. I broke up with my boyfriend and I wanted a fresh start. It was hard to leave my family, but I couldn't be there anymore." She was a kindred spirit of mine. I knew the desperation of what it felt like to leave. The need and the want to be away from the pain and anguish that consumed you. I knew what she felt like and my heart just broke for her all over again.
"Is there a roommate or friend I can call?"
"I just moved her about a month ago. I didn't want a roommate. I needed some time to myself. I just didn't want to be around anyone for a while, but thank you so much. I'm not sure what I would be doing . . ." She couldn't continue.
"It's okay Lexi. I'm here for you. It will get better." I didn't even want to comprehend the pain and the awful thoughts that were going on in her head. I could hear the sirens and knew they would be here soon.
"The police are going to be here soon Lexi. This isn't going to be easy, but they are here to help you. It is their job. They won't hurt you. Just tell them what happened and everything you remember. I know you don't want to, but think of what that asshole will so if you don't. He needs to be punished. I'm sorry you have to go through this sweetie." I whispered in her ear. She just shook and clung to my shirt.
"Thank you Jasper." She kept saying over and over. The police arrived and they slowly approached us.
"Hello sir, are you the one who called the police?"
"Yes, I'm Jasper Hale." I shook his hand.
"It sure is cold out tonight. Do you need a pair of gloves?" I wanted to laugh but knew it was an inappropriate time.
"I'm fine sir. This is Alexia. She was attacked tonight. I was on my way to my car when I heard some whimpering. I came into the alley and found her lying here. After learning what happened, I called you guys and I have been waiting." The officer just shook his head and wrote down my statement. He lifted his head and looked at her.
"Alexia, my name is Officer Smith and I'm here to help you. Can you please tell me what happened?" She just clung to me tighter and buried her face in my neck. I could feel her fear. I heard the ambulance pull up and unload their gear. When they approached us they tried to touch her, but Lexi started to freak out. I knew they were just trying to help her, but she was scared as shit. I sent her heavy lethargic waves and waited for her to loosen her grip. I didn't want her to suffer anymore tonight, so I put her to sleep so the paramedics and doctors could do what they needed. She started to fall asleep and her hand fell from my shirt. I gently picked her up and laid her on the stretcher. Everyone just looked at me with awe.
"I think you can take her now. She needs to be examined. I think she was violated." I said abrasively. I knew it wasn't their fault, but those idiots were standing there looking at me instead of taking care of the victim.
"Sorry sir, your right. You just have a way with people. It's amazing."
"Tell me about it" I said sarcastically. The ambulance finally loaded Lexi in and took her to the local hospital. Another piece of my heart was taken with her. I knew that tonight was somewhat of a victory for me. In the wake of her sadness and tragedy, I learned l was able to control my thirst. I also knew that I needed to leave. I needed to hunt. All of the different emotions of tonight had taken their toll and I needed a release, my body needed substance.
"Is there anything else Officer Smith?"
"No Mr. Hale. Thank you for doing what you did. We could use more people like you. If there is anything you can think of, please call me." He said handing me his card. I took it and slipped in into my pocket. The officer shook my hand and shivered.
"Make sure you get some gloves and another coat Mr. Hale it is cold out." A smile broke on my face and I just chuckled.
"Thanks officer. I'll get another one tomorrow. Take care of yourself and be safe. I hope you catch that bastard."
"I hope so too. Have a good night son and good job!" I tipped my head and then left. I needed to hunt. I finally got to my truck and just gripped the steering wheel. I wanted to hurt that fucker. He deserved to have his dick cut off.
I continued to take deep breaths. I needed to calm down. My emotions were building and I was just getting angrier. I thought of something like that happening to my little angel and my anger sky rocketed. I knew I wasn't thinking logically and I was losing control of myself, but I wanted to hurt that bastard. Then my saving grace came.
"What" I answered.
"Son, could you please calm down for me." I don't remember calling him, but I must have. I knew that no matter the situation, Carlisle would be there. He was my calm. He was that voice in my head that told me I could accomplish anything and do anything I wanted. He was my saving grace along with my little angel. His voice was having the effect that I needed.
"Good job Jasper, take some deep breaths for me. I know you have gone through some terrible things tonight and I need you to calm down for me son." He said soothingly. As I started to come back I realized what he said.
"Carlisle, what do you mean? I didn't call you?"
"No Jasper, Alice told me what happened and I knew that I needed to call you. She said you had gone through some pretty emotional events tonight and you might need me. She briefly explained to me what you did and I am so very proud. I cannot even begin to describe what I am feeling for you. I know that if you were here you wouldn't be able to stand because of the amount of pride I feel for you. I love you, son!" I could hear all of the emotion in Carlisle's voice. His voice broke a couple of times. I had never heard him like that it was my breaking point of the night.
I stooped over on my seat and just sobbed. I cried for Lexi and all she had been through. I cried for her future and all of the pain she was going to go through. I cried for the loss of some of her innocence that she could never have back. I cried for her family and all of the anger and heartbreaking feelings they would feel on her behalf. I cried for my past sins and all of the horrible things I had done. I cried for myself and the milestone I had accomplished tonight. I knew that what I had done was something amazing. For decades I struggled and fought with every fiber of my being for the control I had so desperately craved. I never wanted to be a burden on Alice and my family, and tonight I was that much closer. Ten months after I had taken the life of Shelly I was able to control myself around a person who had fresh blood on her skin. I did hunger and venom did pool in my mouth, but I never let my monster take control. It was such an amazing feeling. I was much closer to accomplishing my goal and there really were no words. I also cried for Carlisle. I cried for the anguish and pain I caused him over the years. I cried for his heart break and his feelings of discard he felt. Even though I loved my family, I never truly embraced them and Carlisle felt my rejection. He hurt for the bond I never let happen and I was sad he had to experience that from me. And I cried for his never-ending faith in me. He never gave up on me and his faith was eternal. Tonight was a celebration for me in the wake of such a tragic event.
Carlisle just cried with me and said everything was going to be fine. My father was an amazing person and I never deserved his love and patience, but he gave it willingly and freely. I was so blessed.
"I'm so proud Jasper. I'm sorry you had to be tested in this manner, but it doesn't diminish my pride and love for you. Esme is so proud. She can't really talk right now because she is really emotional, but she wanted me to tell you of her love for you." After what seemed like hours I was able to get a hold of myself. I never liked to break down like that, but I knew if I didn't release my emotions somehow, I would have done something stupid. I was a man's man and it always embarrassed me to cry. Even though tears never fell, I still cried.
"Thanks dad, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for you and Esme and all you have given to me over the years. Tonight I took a step closer to you and the rest of the family and my goal. Give Esme my love and gratitude. I do need to hunt. It is my day and I haven't been able to go yet."
"You do what needs to be done Jasper. Go hunt, relax, and meditate on all you accomplished. You hold on to that feeling of accomplishment and never let it fade. It can never be taken from you. Remember you never have anything to prove. Our family doesn't work like that. I'm here always."
"I know," There were no other words because I knew he would be there, "and tell Alice thank you for everything." After I hung up I just sat and pondered everything that happened. I really was proud of myself. I hoped I had made Shelly and my little angel proud also.
The next day I visited Lexi in the hospital. It wasn't easy being around all of those people and blood, but I wanted her to know I was thinking about her. I didn't want her to feel abandoned. I held my breath most of the time. She was still really out of it, but I could tell she knew I was there. She had a feeling of peace. It went along way to make my heart feel better. She wasn't terrified at my presence but felt safe. I had come a long way. She still looked pretty bad but I knew with time and lots of love from her family and friends, she would learn to heal.
I kept in contact with Lexi thorough emails. She told she me moved back home and was in counseling. There were days that her depression took over and she wasn't able to do anything, but the majority of her time she was doing all right. She knew she had a long road to her journey, but she was learning to cope with what happened. Because of her going to the doctors, they were able to run a DNA match on the fucking bastard who hurt and find out who he was. He went to trial and was given twenty years for what he had done to her and others.
Christmas came and went and my family loved their gifts, especially Esme and Carlisle. Their pictures were a hit. Esme kept me on the phone for an hour crying about how much she loved my gift and was so happy with the progress I was making. A mother's love is like no other. It is possibly one of the strongest bonds a person can have. Carlisle tried to take the phone but he got yelled at.
"Damn it Carlisle, leave me alone. I am talking to my son. Can't you see that or has your old age finally affected your seeing." I could do nothing but laugh. I did feel bad though. I didn't want to cause an argument between them.
"Sorry Dear, I will wait my turn. When you are finished I will talk to him." Carlisle was a smart man. He wasn't three hundred plus years for nothing.
"Damn straight, now leave me be."
Jasper's POV from the Present
"Poughkeepsie was just another stop on my journey before New York City. It really was nothing special, but again it was needed. I had learned a lot on that journey Bella and the most important thing is in my arms. And I can never forget my family and all their sacrifices. And here we are Isabella." I pulled my head back and looked into the face that was on my shoulder.
"Your something else Jasper . . ." She whispered and I knew she needed corrected.
"No Bella, I'm not. It took me a long time to get to that point and my trail is a bloody mess. I hate for you to know this about me and my failed life, but I promised you. I was a lucky one. I had Peter, Charlotte, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, my family, and you little one. I was able to have people in my life that held my hand when needed and cheered me on when earned. It's been a long journey, my angel, but if it brought me to you, I truly cannot hate it too much. I would never presume to tell you I'm glad that my horrid past led me to you, but the mistakes I made and the lessons I learned made me a better person for you, and of course BB." She buried her head in by shoulder and held on tightly.
"You have had a sad and tragic past Jasper. Some of it scares me, and most of it makes me proud of you. How many can truly rise from the very pits of despair, fall time and time again, and still have the courage to go on and continue to live. You see your existence as appalling and vile, and some parts are, but those are a part of you Jasper. I don't romanticize your past. I cry for your sins, but I also cry for your happiness. You go against the very grain you are and deny yourself everything natural. Embrace that Jasper, and learn to let go of the things that are gone and done with. Know that I love you,
Bella finally knew my history, and even though she told the truth in being scared with some of the things that I had done I appreciated her honesty. She was sad for the lives I had taken, but she also understood the choices I had made since then and the choices I continued to make. I could finally take her advice and let the ghost of my past fade into the darkness that had tried to swallow me but failed. I held my angel in my arms and she held me. In between us BB slept safely in her, and with these two in my life, and their love in my soul the sins of my past could no longer hold me.
I lived for them and everything else that touched my life save my family and work fell away into the dark recesses of my untouched mind.
Author's Notes Continued: And then there were two. Yes everyone, there are only two more chapters left to the story. I can't believe that I was even able to write this much. I want to sincerely thank all of those who have added me to their alerts and favorites. The confidence was amazing and always inspired.
I want to thank those who reviewed, and gave me the extra confidence with their words and their thoughts. I am always humbled by both the kind words and the criticism. They were both helpful and allowed me to continue to add chapter after chapter. I tear up just thinking of the immense support your reviews gave to me.
So what does this mean, something good. There will be a second part to this story; a continuance if you will. The reason I'm ending this story is because the Title is finished and the next part of their story doesn't really fit with it. There will be a lot more Bella and Jasper to come. I just wanted to tell everyone so that when you see the word COMPLETE on the story, you don't think I'm leaving you hanging. :D
I'm also starting something new, a little reward for those who leave me reviews. I feel my thanks aren't enough. I will be giving excerpts to the next chapter in the replies I leave. It's just a little thank you. It will start with this chapter. Leave a review and you get a sneak peek into the next chapter.
If you were confused with anything in this chapter let me know and I'll try to clarify. Well that concludes the longest most drawn out author's note on Fan Fiction.
Again thanks to everyone. I hope all is well. Much love as always.