I am so so thankful for those who commented and who didn't become disheartened by the angst. It's not meant as an angsty storyline as I am nothing but a soft hearted ridiculous romantic. The thing it, there is no way to air Blaine's troubles (especially serious troubles like these) WITHOUT addressing the more upsetting stuff. I have had first hand experience with very close friends about how this kind of thing can really damage a person and it's awful to imagine. I wanted to treat it was respectfully as possible and I sincerely hope I did that... if not, I tried!
For the anon who wished Thomas dead and who hates him, I'm very sorry you feel that way. Not everyone is going to like him BUT he is a symbol I wanted to use as a positive. It's rare to see gay teens given a friend/mentor of the same persuasion who is just that – a friend and nothing more. He was intended as a symbol of comfort and stability for Blaine- as is Sylvie – in his life when people have distanced themselves and only caused him further and misguided pain. I'm sorry you don't like him but no, I won't be killing him off- not at all. I am pleased the rest of you have taken kindly to him- he's not intended as a bad guy or as someone to compete against Kurt. Not at all : )
Thank you SO much again for the kind words and pushing 600 reviews. I know it was a bit of a tough one but this one will hopefully resolve all of your questions, concerns and will show a lot of development.
For the songs- I usually am not a huge fan of being REQUIRED to listen to music by writers but these two songs are so emotive and I have included the links in my profile. If you can, it'd really help for you hear them, ESPECIALLY Kurt's song. I hope you think they're fitting choices :D
Yes, this has to remain a little angsty for a while but, believe me, it eases up ;) I had THE BEST time writing the end... :D It's WAY longer too – just under 10,000 words. YIKES!
Thank you so much for sticking with me and again to Traci for her awesome beta! Please enjoy!
-.-.-.-.-.-
Kurt was sure he'd cried for hours. He didn't seem to be crying for himself or, if he was, he was crying out of thanks. He had a loving father, one who was willing to push everything he knew and was taught about love to one side and let his own son teach him. Burt wasn't tuned to understand what being gay meant but Kurt knew he tried every single day to understand and was as accepting as anyone could possibly be. He had a father to be proud of, one who would fight for him, one who would stand by him regardless of how right Kurt was, one who would even risk his own relationships to protect what they had.
Blaine didn't have any of that.
Kurt wiped his eyes, reaching for a tissue from his gilded holder beside his bed. It was hard to accept that Blaine hadn't had a loving family to support him through his teenage years and confusion. He was so comfortable in his own skin and so stable and sturdy that it was hard to grasp how he'd become that way.
Kurt remembered the way Thomas wrapped his arm around Blaine's waist and the protective kiss he'd planted in his hair. There was one reason, he thought. It was obvious that Thomas was important and a large reason that Blaine had lasted so long at Dalton. The words he'd spoken caused Kurt to think.
Blaine had denied there was ever anything more than a friendship there, he'd said they thought of each other as brothers and it was obvious to see how important they were to each other but Kurt wasn't so sure if it was all so platonic. He felt panic rise in his stomach, threatening to unravel his mind again. In a way he knew was far too easy, he'd felt himself brain washed and easily swayed by comments and looks, touches and actions of others. He knew himself – he was quick to form opinions. He pushed those thoughts aside and thanked whoever was responsible for Thomas being a part of Blaine's life. That was the most important thing.
He began to change, wiping his face free of the day's wear and tear, when he heard a soft knock on his door.
"Excuse me?"
Kurt quickly whipped the band off that was keeping his hair back off his face and ran to the door. Thomas stood, coat in hand.
"Oh," was all Kurt managed, well aware that his eyes were raw from crying and he was not looking his best at all, "come in."
Thomas ducked inside with a grateful smile. "I don't know if I should be here or not. I don't want to overstep but I thought I should come to talk to you about Blaine." Kurt motioned for Thomas to sit and joined him in turn. "Has he told you about me?"
"Yes, he said you were his best friend from when he transferred here."
Thomas nodded smiling. "Good. Anyway, I know that in the past, I'm not sure if Blaine told you this but a guy last year began to hang around Blaine a lot and they got on well. This guy started to develop feelings and fell pretty hard for him. Blaine wasn't sure how he felt so made it clear that they were only to be friends. I came to visit for Blaine's birthday and this particular guy got, well, I guess you could only call it jealous. He didn't know the facts and made a scene. It was resolved and he left last year so it's water under the bridge. What I'm getting at is... I don't want you to get the wrong idea." Kurt took a breath and nodded, signalling he understood. "He means a lot to me. Certain people find it difficult enough to accept two guys loving each other. Their preconceived ideas make it hard for some people to accept that two gay guys can also be friends. It's all we've ever been. I mean, I get why anyone would fall head over heels for him, that's obvious, but those feelings I have are simply platonic and always have been. He's like my brother and I love him. I just want that to be understood because what I'm about to tell you needs to be trusted and I need you to understand why I'm telling you it so that you don't get the wrong idea."
Kurt nodded again with a slight smile that surprised him. "He's lucky."
Kurt saw a tiny smattering of pink on Thomas' cheek. "That's kind of you. I've always thought I was the lucky one."
"What was it you wanted to tell me?"
"Blaine's strong. I'm sure you've already worked that one out for yourself and you can tell he's made of solid stuff. What he rarely shows is how much his past has hurt him. It's not my place to tell you why or how and I don't want to betray his trust by doing that even though I know he'd tell you in a heartbeat. What I did want to tell you is that he's got weaknesses like we all have and one particular weakness causes him quite a lot of pain. He rarely has to face it but there's a fine line when it comes to this particular issue. This all sounds cryptic, I know, but I just want you to know that there are consequences for him if something were to go wrong. Tomorrow is the Showcase and I know you're singing, Blaine's singing and you'll both be with The Warblers. The reason I wanted you to know who I am and what my situation is, is because I need to ask you to keep a distance between you and Blaine."
Kurt flinched, frowning. "I see."
"Believe me when I say this Kurt, I do not likethis. In fact I wish I didn't have to do it but the situation is one that can't be resolved before tomorrow. I don't want to pry into what you both share but I do know that he has spoken so much about you recently that I almost feel as if I know you."
Kurt smiled, his eyes misting again. "He acted differently with me earlier. We were so close over Christmas and today he just recoiled like he regretted everything."
Thomas sighed and shook his head. "He hasn't spoken about anyone the way he speaks about you. It's as if you've brought something out of him that's spent years lying dormant. The way he acted says nothing of the way he feels about you, I'm certain. This time of year torments him and it always has. I didn't want to leave without talking to you because you're good for him. When he talks about you, he smiles wider and rambles. You know how hard it is to make Blaine Thornton babble and become a little unhinged? The guy's perfected an art of composure and you have blown it out the water. Seriously, you have a gift," Thomas joked, laughing lightly.
"I think it's mutual," Kurt admitted, blushing delicately and wiping a finger across his eyes, "he's sent me crazy ever since I met him."
Thomas rolled his eyes. "Look, Kurt, I don't want to interfere any more than I have. I wanted you to hear what I had to say and I'm certain that Blaine will talk to you himself. Forget what happened today. He's not himself and he'll no doubt apologise for weeks once tomorrow's over. When I first met you, I knew you were a good guy and I can see how happy you make him. I didn't want to see that ruined by misconceptions."
He left almost as quickly as he came. Kurt thanked him, a little shocked still, and closed the door. It hit him like a lead weight in his stomach. Kurt wasn't sure what to do for the best but before he knew what he was doing, he'd tugged on a cardigan and whispered a quick goodbye to a now sleepy Pavarotti before walking down the corridor. He felt his entire body rush with surety, knowing that he had to be strong. Blaine needed help and support and Kurt knew he'd give it freely and without question. He thought back to the times he'd backed away from help when his father lay in hospital, the way he'd snapped when people had offered suggestions of comfort and the way he'd always fought against Mr Schue when he tried to think of ways to help. He was the master of trying to go it alone when it dawned on him – so was Blaine. It was obvious that he had an uncanny ability to care and protect and that at the very core of him was a soft and gentle but unshakeable person with an enormous heart, however, everyone has a weakness, a kryptonite, and Blaine's seemed to be his family – his past.
As Kurt reached the door, he took a deep breath and smiled, feeling a strange sense of purpose and confidence. He could use what he'd learned to help Blaine for once and offer something in return for all of the hugs, all of the care Blaine had shown him.
He pushed the door slightly ajar, glancing to see if Wes was inside. He wasn't. Blaine was lying flat on his back, his iPod headphones in his ears and eyes closed. Kurt didn't want to startle him so he walked slowly and rested a hand with a racing heart on the edge of the bed.
Blaine blinked furiously, pulling the buds out of his ears and gasping. "Kurt!"
He couldn't quite breathe. It didn't seem right that Kurt would be there after how he'd behaved. Blaine just looked, eyes big and regretful, as Kurt smiled slightly.
"Hello," he offered, taking in Blaine's swollen eyes and messy hair, the way his shirt was rumpled and the look of sheer apology written all over his face. Blaine huffed out an agonized sigh and leaned forward on his knees, his eyes meeting the floor. Kurt couldn't bear it. Blaine was usually so full of life and confidence and sat in front of him was someone so concerned and filled with frustration and fear.
Kurt hated it. He wasn't going to sit and watch Blaine's eyes or the way his shoulders slumped a little. He reached out slowly and used his added height to his advantage to rest his arm on the other boy's back, his hand stretching to stroke across the bottom of Blaine's hairline softly. He felt the reaction, the way Blaine sighed and shuffled a millimetre closer and gradually, the way he leaned into the touch.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, his eyes finding Kurt's and lingering there, aiming to show how much he meant every word. He couldn't suppress the worry he felt in his stomach, the nagging panic that his father would find out that he'd come out to others and even found someone who he was falling hard for. It was a nightmare that he was determined would never come true.
Kurt melted, sighing gently and wrapping his arms around Blaine's neck to pull him close. He moved into the embrace, his tired limbs responding to Kurt's and holding on tight. It felt amazing to have Kurt close, for him to even be there in the first place and for him to be so understanding despite being almost ignored earlier that day.
"You don't need to say sorry," Kurt whispered into the crook of Blaine's neck.
It was enough to send Blaine's head spinning. He was too lucky. He felt Kurt's warm breath on his neck and the way his right hand had never left his hair, softly threading slowly through it in a way that was so soothing.
"That wasn't me," Blaine mumbled, "I promise. I just panicked. Please don't think that I've been lying or pretending to you. I didn't want to act like I did earlier."
Kurt nodded, pulling him closer. He closed his eyes tightly and hoped that he was making a difference or helping in some way.
Blaine felt a small warm kiss on his neck and felt his worries begin to dissolve. Skin shivered under Kurt's touch as he felt more kisses slowly working their way around his neck and then to his jawline. He wasn't sure what his worries were in that moment. It was intoxicating. Blaine felt his head reel and hands hold onto Kurt harder, almost clinging to him.
"I know," Kurt breathed out, "I know."
Blaine opened his eyes as he felt Kurt retreat. A pair of sparkling blue eyes met his own and drew closer until he felt the sweetest and most chaste kiss pressed tenderly against his. He rested his forehead against Kurt's and breathed in deeply, letting his mind unravel.
"I can't believe you're here," he sighed out, his voice couched in exhaustion, "I feel like I haven't seen you in so long. I wanted today to be perfect and then we got the news that the Showcase had been moved up and I just lost it. This isn't me. This isn't who I am and I don't want you to think it is."
Kurt shushed him. So happy to be there and to be listening. "I don't need you to tell me that. I just need you to take your own advice. You said that you would be there for me and this is me returning the favour."
Blaine chuckled out of sheer bewilderment. "Can we start again?" he asked tentatively.
Kurt leaned back and let a small smile tug at his lips. "I think that's a good idea."
"You have no idea how incredible you are," Blaine stated, his arm reaching to attempt to touch Kurt's cheek but failing out of tiredness. It met his chest and just lay stayed there, pressed against Kurt's heart. "I missed you so much. Your present was wonderful, more than wonderful."
"Yours is hanging in my window," Kurt said as he shuffled to lie against Blaine's pillows, "and I missed you like crazy too."
Blaine followed him in motion and lay on his side, his arm tucked up close to Kurt's side. "This feels nice," he whispered as he melded his own body to the shape of Kurt's and felt a hand teasing through his hair once more.
Kurt knew something had to be said so he mentally prepared himself, took a gulp of air then spoke. "I won't come close tomorrow. I'll be as nonchalant as I know how. You don't need to worry."
Blaine flinched, his brain racing to catch up to speed. Thomas. Of course he'd said something to Kurt, of course he'd been his over protective self and tried to pre-empt things. Blaine felt himself fall into disbelief. Kurt was offering to keep up a pretence and to effectively shadow himself and fall into the background in order to protect Blaine. It wasn't right. Kurt didn't deserve that, he wasn't the kind to be masked and cast aside- he was someone you proudly introduced or showed off to those close to you.
"I wish you didn't need to. I don't want you to think you ever need-"
"Blaine," Kurt urged, his hand lazily drawing shapes in the curly hair, "you don't need to explain. I know this isn't your fault and you shouldn't have to hide yourself but I understand why you're doing it and I know, when you feel able to, you'll tell me why. I'm not happy about it. It makes me angry but that's not because of you."
Blaine nuzzled his head closer into the crook of Kurt's neck, the other boy reacting fluidly and moving to offer the space up. Blaine smiled, snuggling closer and revelling in the fact that he could and without fear or restraint. He loved to be close to people, loved to touch and often marvelled in the feeling that you got from hugging someone or even from harmless high fives or shoulder nudges. Being close was about losing inhibitions and barriers, something that had been so difficult or that was not allowed in his past. He lived that way for a reason but at the sound of his parents' return he'd felt those old walls rebuild themselves, however, lying flush with Kurt's side, his skin shuddering from the delicate way Kurt was stroking his fingers over his scalp, Blaine didn't care anymore- it felt too wonderful to let anything, even his own ridiculous issues, get in the way.
"Please don't stop," he mumbled, lazy and dazed. Kurt smiled into Blaine's forehead and he leaned down to tug himself closer. He felt Blaine soften and sigh the tension from his muscles.
"I'm not going anywhere," he reassured, knowing how much Blaine needed desperately to know that despite his fears and the way he needed their relationship to hit a certain gradual pace, he could deal with all of this, "I know tomorrow will be different but tonight there is no-one else here. Just us."
Blaine's eyelids dropped, his grip on reality slipping as he felt himself pulled into sleep, not before whispering a faint reply. "Thank you."
-.-.-.-.-.-
The Next Morning
Blaine cracked open his stinging eyes and glanced around the room. Kurt was gone and a note lay in his place.
Had to rehearse. Didn't want to wake you. I'll see you later. I promise today will be fine. Can't wait to hear you sing. K xx
Blaine smiled to himself, shocking his system as such a reaction wasn't normal on a day his parents were imminent. He thought of the day he told his family he was gay. It'd been an impulse brought by his inability to keep lying to himself. The feeling inside had grown so tangled and torturous that he could barely stand it any longer. He'd begun to become insular and introverted, unable to express himself at school and had endured months of bullying once someone had latched onto the idea he could be gay. He'd auditioned to sing in the school talent show, his talent spotted by their music teacher and nurtured through singing lessons on a Thursday evening. He'd felt confident as he sang a collection of songs from the greats – he'd even received a round of applause from the audience of teachers and performing arts students. As he'd exited the theatre and started his walk home, they'd appeared and taunted as usual. He wasn't the most popular kid but he certainly wasn't without friends. High school stipulations caused him to be labelled a 'drama geek' or something similar, which automatically placed him a specific minority. Blaine didn't mind. He wasn't about to give up his true love of singing and performing just as much as he wasn't going to let name calling get him down.
It was that night, when he'd stumbled into his front door with a black eye and bleeding lip, that he'd snapped. He'd clung to his sheet music and satchel like a life line, his nails digging into it so hard that it hurt. It was then that his parents realised their son was in trouble. His father had made an appointment with the school to enforce a process in which the bullies would be reprimanded. He'd explained to Blaine that bullying happened to some people, the people who were destined for greatness and prosperity as it was instigated by pure jealousy. Blaine's mother had hugged him to her tightly, unmoving, without uttering a single word.
Two months later brought the day Blaine was sure he'd remember for the rest of his life.
"Am home!" Blaine called as he flung his school bag on the floor by the door.
"Blaine could you please come in here? We need to talk to you," his father had called.
His stomach tensed awkwardly, a premonition swimming poisonously inside. As he'd entered the room he knew what was about to happen. He felt sick.
"Where were you tonight?" his mother asked, her hands folded in her lap. She was a deeply passionate woman with a great sense of direction in her life but she was a product of her fortunate up-bringing. With a mother like Sylvie, she was undoubtedly going to have been afforded genes indicative of creativity but was lacking those that his grandmother possessed which allowed her to assert her infinitely kind nature. Monica Dawson was proud. She was her father's daughter – driven and forever aware of the world's perception. She would follow her dreams and pour emotion into her writing but in her real life, was never capable of showing her true self, not even to Blaine. Alexander Thornton was a strong and somewhat cold and resilient business man who prided himself on his earnings, success and the power he held in his hands. He wasn't one for emotions and certainly did not relish discussing those of others. It was a weakness to be plagued by them. Blaine saw his mother's eyes twitch, her eyes deepen and her shoulders tense- she felt immensely. A lifetime of stifled existence had however prepared her for a future of restraint in herself and passion on paper.
"I was studying. I have my finals next week mom, you know I do."
"Who were you studying with?" Alexander asked, his hand tightening around his pen. He flattened his tie slowly and Blaine's stomach churned.
"My friend Robert. He's in my class and he's my lab partner so his mother said I could study with him."
"I spoke to your teachers today Blaine and I have to say that I am concerned."
Blaine perched on the edge of the other couch and screwed his hands together. He saw his mother's eyes flicker to them then back to his face. "About what dad?"
"About the reason these boys have been causing you trouble Blaine, about the words they say and why they say them."
Blaine's skin ran cold. "I- I don't understand."
"Darli-Blaine, why do they call you these names?"
He shifted uncomfortably on the spot, his eyes unable to meet either of his parents'. "I don't know mom. They don't like me I guess."
He was lying. His father knew it. Blaine saw Alexander purse his lips and breath steady and controlled. "Is there truth to their accusations?"
"Dad-"
"Do not lie to me," he was warned. Blaine felt the tears rise. He couldn't do this, he couldn't just say it, he wasn't ready. He knew himself and he had come to terms with who he was but this was different.
"Dad I don't know-"
"Blaine I am going to ask you to tell me the truth once more. This will be your last opportunity and I'm afraid if you don't I will have to remove from your school and send you elsewhere because it has become a major issue that I am not prepared to let continue. Are the names these young men call you unfounded or are they true?"
"I'm not what they say I am," Blaine choked out, his hand clinging to the couch cushions, "they don't know what they're talking about."
Monica shifted in her seat. She knew. Blaine knew that she knew and it was written painfully all over her face. He knew then that his mother was weak, she was so unlike Sylvie. "What don't they understand?" Alexander asked forcefully.
Blaine felt the tears brim over his eyes and his skin shiver awfully. It was terrifying and he knew that by speaking the truth, his entire life would change. "What it's like," he spat, a small choked noise following as he shook all-over. He couldn't control anything.
He saw the shift in his father, the panic behind his eyes and the almost sinister way he calculated his next words and prepared himself to deal with it. It wasn't something to be dealt with though and Blaine knew he'd be forced to adhere to whatever rules were to be put in place.
"Blaine what are you saying to us?"
"I can't be what you want me to be," Blaine whispered, averting his eyes and shuddering still, "I can't- I am not what- I just don't feel the same as other guys. I... I am... I'm gay."
Blaine felt the tears stream down his face as fast as they left his eyes. It was all he could do to stay upright. He wiped his eyes furiously and strangled a sob. He saw his father move in his seat and then settle stiffly once more. There was a short breath.
"I see. As of next week you are transferring to Dalton Academy for Boys in Westerville. I've already spoken to the headmaster Principal Masters and you are able to transfer mid-semester. He has arranged for a room for you and you will remain there as a boarder for the rest of your schooling. It is an enforced tradition that bullying is not accepted there. You will face no further problems."
Blaine was cold in shock. "But dad-"
"No buts Blaine. You will attend and it will prove to be a successful environment for you. They promote tradition values. We will not talk about this further."
"Dad I-"
"There are some stipulations that you need to live by however. If you are to succeed and follow me into business then you must not publicise your feelings. You are young and things change. It is your responsibility and yours alone to create a reputation for yourself and this does not involve... it does not involve succumbing to imagined adolescent ideas. You are not to indulge in such behaviour and if I find you are doing so Blaine, I will remove you from this school and you will return here for home tutoring. You are the future of this family. My father fought in battle and served in the military for years proudly and you are to withhold the name of this family honourably. Do you hear me?"
Blaine couldn't move. All he wished for was a hug, for his parents to explain that they didn't care if he was gay or straight but that they loved him regardless. It was plain that they didn't have a burning hatred for it or that they didn't love him anymore but they simply did nothing. Blaine wasn't all that sure which was worse. He simply nodded and left the room. It was made clearer over the next week exactly what his father meant by his words. Blaine was not to engage in relationships with anyone of the same sex and was not permitted to make a 'spectacle' of his poor choices.
His father thought it was a choice, a whim, something that could be changed. Blaine knew and felt otherwise. There was nothing, however, to do once his father made his decision. He was transferred to Dalton within the week and met Thomas on his second day.
-.-.-.-.-.-
Blaine showered and dressed, taking time to enjoy the heat of the water and the smell of the tangerine soap Kurt had given him. It was comforting. He kept to his usual routine and was dressed within half an hour. He had to keep breathing and had to get through the day with confidence and strength just as he always had done. Blaine was the master of self control and today would be no exception.
"Thornton? Your ass out of bed?" Thomas called around his door. Blaine smiled.
"Yea come in, I'm dressed."
"Good," Thomas chuckled as he stepped inside. He looked Blaine up and down. "You alright?"
Blaine nodded, his hands finding his pockets. "You talked to Kurt."
Thomas feigned innocent, his face contorting in alarm. "I did no such thing," he cried, throwing his coat onto Blaine's bed.
"Shut up and stop lying, I know you did and I'm not mad. I'm actually grateful."
"Oh well in that case," Thomas sighed happily, "it was all me. I talked to him."
It was hard to stifle a laugh so Blaine didn't try. "Well the credit's all yours. He came to see me," he explained with a half smirk, a cloud still in his eyes though, "we talked."
Thomas beamed. "What happened?"
As Blaine sat on the edge of Wes' bed, noticing he hadn't slept in it, he looked at his feet coyly. "Well Kurt explained he understood and would keep his distance today then he hugged me and lay with me until I fell asleep."
"Wow," Thomas breathed out with a supersize grin, "I like this kid. He's good."
"He is," Blaine mumbled, his face painting gently with blush, "he's amazing."
"So is Blaine Thornton prepared for his solo as the rest of The Warblers are freaking out downstairs? I passed David's room and Wes was in there attempting to learn the step routine for your group number tonight. Those two worry me."
Blaine chuckled again, shocked he was actually laughing. "I live with him and he spends most of his night in David's room. If I didn't know better I'd be suspicious of the amount of alone time those two have."
Thomas curled his jacket around his arm. "Look, I promised dad I'd visit and help him prepare for this evening. You going to be ok?" Blaine nodded his head in reassurance. "Well, I'll be in the audience and I've got my phone. If you need me, call me."
"No matter where you are, no matter how far?" Blaine hummed with a smirk.
"Don't worry baby, just call my name I'll be there in a hurry," was the lyrical reply in between laughs as Thomas closed the door behind him.
-.-.-.-.-.-
Kurt was dressed and panicking. He'd spent three and a half hours running the lyrics and practising the correct key. Rachel had provided a list of songs so wonderful and frankly, classic, but none were right. He'd sat down and trawled his iPod until one particular tune stuck resolutely in his mind. He'd smiled and teared up, knowing that this one song was more than perfect.
Rachel had listened to his first attempt and had given him enough pointers before she hung up to go and wow New Directions with her New Year promise song. Pavarotti had been his adoring audience for the next few run throughs before he was sure he'd nailed every note. The tiny yellow bird tweeted tunefully along.
He grabbed his music, boom box and headed in the direction of David's room. The corridors were bustling with families and students all introducing their loved ones to room mates and giving them a guided tour of the hallowed halls. Kurt smiled, not too upset that his family couldn't make it. He knew they'd have been there if he'd had time to invite them and plus, he felt pressure enough without the addition of Burt, Carole and Finn.
"Darling, could I ask you, do you know where I can find a Blaine Thornton? He's short, dark curly hair with a voice of an angel?"
Kurt stepped back and took in the lady in front of him. She was short with long curls coifed perfectly in a bun at the back of her head, held with decorative vintage hair pins. Her fitted brown tweed dress was teamed with a long brown lapel coat to her knees and two coloured scarves intertwined around her neck stylishly. Kurt wanted the coat, he coveted the scarves and his eyes could not move from her pointed leather boots. "Darling?"
Kurt smiled, unused to being addressed in that way but feeling the glow of her gaze. "Um, yes I know Blaine. I'll take you," he rushed out, panic bubbling inside at the prospect that he could be facing his first painful moment of the day.
"So, you are?" she asked, her perfectly shaped eyebrows raised, as they began the walk down the corridor. Kurt admired her for her age but timeless beauty and obvious grooming.
"Oh I'm sorry, how rude of me, my name is Kurt."
He saw her flinch a little but it was followed by a warm smile. "Oh I see," she mused gently, "well, it's a pleasure to meet you Kurt. I'm Sylvia Dawson, Blaine's grandmother."
If he hadn't been given the task of escort, Kurt was sure he'd have fled. She was stunning and wonderful and exactly as he'd imagined from Blaine's description. He nodded carefully and noticed they were outside the correct room. "It's wonderful to meet you. This is Blaine's room here, room 4B, I'll leave you to say hello."
"Oh no, stay," she called at Kurt's retreating back before drawing him closer, "I have heard so much about you my love." She'd whispered it close to his ear and in a voice so slight that he shuddered when her words resonated. She knew, Kurt mused, she knew that she had to be discrete. In that moment, Kurt was sure he fell in love with her.
"Grandma!" Blaine cried, throwing open his door and wrapping his arms around her neck. Kurt watched as she stood still for a second, gathered herself then gradually pulled Blaine tight and patted the hair at the back of his head. Blaine's eyes flickered behind her, connecting with Kurt's and sparkling with shock.
He leaned out of the embrace and closed the door behind them all. "Kurt?"
"Yes, he was kind enough to show me where your room was. We've already introduced ourselves haven't we?" she asked pointedly, smiling with purpose.
"Yes," Kurt giggled, his eyes never leaving Blaine's, "but now I think I should go and arrange the accompaniment for my performance later. It was wonderful to meet you."
Sylvie moved around Blaine's room, running her hand over surfaces and grinning lovingly at objects of interest. Blaine took the opportunity to act. He reached out and pulled lightly on Kurt's forearm, the other boy stumbling to him.
"Thank you for last night. I mean it."
Kurt blushed and bit lightly on his lip. "I got to be the superhero for once," he admitted, his eyes blinking behind long eyelashes.
Blaine chuckled quietly and drew Kurt closer. He nodded gingerly, letting his fingers draw delicate patterns on Kurt's arm. It was an odd action to most but Kurt squirmed, desperate to close the distance and kiss. He didn't. Instead, he drew Blaine's fingers to his lips and kissed them gently instead. Blaine's eyes slid closed, his breath catching and a lazy smile comfortingly teasing at his lips. He felt the waves of reassurance glide over his skin, easing him into the day.
"I can't wait to hear you sing either," Blaine whispered as his eyes fluttered open. Kurt nodded, bowing slightly before retreating out of the door.
-.-.-.-.-
Sylvie knew her grandson well. He was a guarded young thing with a heart the size of the Empire State Building. He was smart, genuine, passionate and talented, so talented. She was proud of him for this and the qualities he possessed but never so much as when she saw him fight against the demons of his past. She didn't care for her daughter if honest, she lost the fight with herself everytime she attempted to understand why her own flesh and blood had refused to stand up and right the wrongs of her husband. Sylvie was never prepared to let Blaine wallow in their mistakes. He was his own person and one which she respected wholeheartedly, even after her many many years experience of humanity. He was one of the best.
She watched as the young boy with the pale skin stepped closer to her grandson, his eyelashes fluttering and lips rubbing together. She could see their connection, the way her grandson changed and relaxed into the moment. She saw his smile and the light in his eyes as he couldn't keep away and could not resist the option to reach out and touch. Sylvie kept them in her line of sight as she wandered the room, taking in the way the other boy drew her grandson's hand to his lips and pressed them gently down. It was impossibly sweet and something that obviously meant a lot to Blaine. It was plain from the way his eyes closed tight, relishing the wonderful feeling. She remembered those feelings, the promise of something close and warm and solid, the excitement of surrendering to another and the astonishment of the rush of bliss that flowed from knowing someone else cared. She smiled, cherishing the happiness in her grandson's eyes and knowing that she most definitely approved of Kurt. Her grandson was right, he did have pretty eyes.
-.-.-.-.-
"So," Sylvie asked, positioning herself neatly on Blaine's desk chair, "that was Kurt?"
Blaine nodded feeling strangely bashful. "Do you like him?"
It was a question entirely unrequired. "He seems impeccably sweet darling and I do see what you mean about his eyes. Windows to the soul my love."
Blaine smiled widely and approached her, pulling her into an odd hug. "Can I ask you something grandma?"
She took hold of his shoulders and held him in front of her. "Anything, as always."
Blaine blinked, still deliberating whether to ask but decided it was entirely necessary. "Would you be able to keep a watch for Kurt and Thomas? I don't want Mom or Dad to know about Kurt and I want Thomas spared from another scene like last time."
"I understand darling," she nodded, a ghost of sadness in her eyes, "I shall try my very best. Thomas is a fine young man and I will not see him treated as your father deemed necessary last year but I honestly cannot abide how you must hide yourself Blaine. This is not right at all."
"Grandma," he began, pleading, knowing fine well that she was as angry as he, "please? He can't know about Kurt. Kurt's been through enough recently and I know he can hold his own but I don't want him to have to. I know how Dad can be and I don't think I could sit by and see him treat Kurt badly."
"Consider it done," she whispered, pressing a motherly kiss to his forehead and smoothing down his inhibited hair, "now promise me you won't think of all of this nonsense anymore. It's not fair on you my darling, you're always the life and soul. I won't see you under any stress."
He let out a controlled breath and forced the confidence into his eyes. "Ok. I will try. I promise."
A knock on the door startled them both. As Blaine opened it, he felt his skin pull taut. "Mom. Dad," he stated with a put on smile. After years of perfecting a game face, it came very easily.
"Blaine," Monica smiled and placed her firm hand on his shoulder. She stroked it once and pulled back with a tilt of her head, "your hair's longer."
He nodded awkwardly as he turned to his father. "I wasn't expecting you so soon."
"Your mother wanted to visit a museum nearby so we decided to make a day of it. To try to make the most of the time here. It's good to see you son."
A frown was inevitable. Blaine felt his grandmother's hand on his shoulder, warmly holding tight. He watched as his parents flinched at Sylvie's appearance as they always did.
"Mother, we didn't know you were coming," Monica urged, her voice clipped. She leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Sylvie's cheek before returning to Alexander's side with a curt nod. "So Blaine when is your performance? We talked to Principal Masters on our way in today. He was very complimentary about your progress this year."
At this moment, Wes, George, Henry and Kurt passed behind his parents. Blaine felt his breath hitch and his grandmother's hand tighten on his shoulder. He frowned, his eyes meeting his feet immediately. He knew Kurt's cheeks turned pink, knowing it was an inevitable reaction for him, but it made his stomach lurch awkwardly inside. It felt wrong to ignore him- he was restricted again, unable to be himself and Blaine didn't like it at all. It was as if he was denying his own normal feelings and actions.
Blaine saw them stop at the next door, no doubt collecting David. Kurt didn't move, he stared forward, motionless.
Alexander smoothed his tie and folded his long coat over his arm further. "It seems you've made quite an impression this year. Solos, academic awards, Head of the Student Council, we're proud of you son." He patted his son's shoulder. Blaine watched his hand and let his eyes follow back to his father's eyes, the ones that mirrored his own but were colder- something was always missing. He wasn't a bad person, just one who was stuck in life, so completely compressed into his own ideals that he couldn't see past the end of his own nose. It was a life of denial and emptiness.
"Thanks Dad."
Wes sidled up out of nowhere. "Oh nice to see you again Mr and Mrs Thornton," he chimed, squeezing past them in the doorway and beginning to fumble around in his drawer for something, "oh don't mind me, just need to grab my CD. Blaine, everyone's making their way down now. Kurt's just finished his run through so we're all ready. Go on in thirty minutes."
"Ok, I'll be down soon."
Sylvie slipped to the other side of the door not before pressing another kiss to the top of Blaine's head. "Break a leg darling. I know you'll be wonderful."
Blaine's parents turned to leave, however, Monica turned and went to say something but seemed to falter. "Good luck son," she said simply, her eyes concentrated with emotion, "I always look forward to hearing you sing."
He felt the air stutter in his throat, his eye soften with a sigh. "Thanks mom," he mumbled. The sadness intensified and so did the anger. She was regretful and somewhat smaller compared to the way he remembered her. Not seeing his parents for months on end made him forget their nuances and the way they were together – Blaine felt so disconnected from them now. It was as if his own mother was a stranger.
-.-.-.-.-.-
"Ready to wow them, new kid?" Wes yelled, bouncing up and down, his arms on Kurt's shoulders.
"Definitely."
He was ready. He'd been waiting for a chance to kick The Warblers butts and show them just how well he could sing. He also wanted to show them a trick of two about performing instead of sidestepping and clicking to the beat. It was exciting to be up on stage again, performing to applause and a responsive audience. He tried to focus and breath deep to channel his focus to the task at hand but his mind kept drifting back to Blaine's face as his parents had talked to him. Kurt had only seen and heard a small snippet but he felt the mask of uncomfortable feelings surrounding them. Sylvie was warm and graceful with vibrant and passionate eyes but from what Kurt had spotted from the corner of his eyes, Monica was different; she shared those bright eyes but they were pained and veiled. It made him sad. Kurt considered his own mother and her wide, brilliant blue eyes, her soft cascading curls and the way she effervescently commanded a room with elegance. He knew he only remembered her good attributes but she was perfect to him, warm and loving and would always remain so in his eyes. Kurt felt his chest tighten at the thought that Blaine had stood in front of his own mother and he hadn't seen her touch Blaine once.
His father was a different matter. He looked the restrained man he obviously was. He was the actor, the pretender and underneath, Kurt was sure hid a most terrified human being. Nobody fathered a son like Blaine without a wealth of emotion but it was heart-breaking to think that someone could close off so starkly. Kurt wondered what had made him so insular, driven and so completely unaware of his effect on his own son.
"Kurt?"
"Yes?" he blinked back at Wes who was psyching himself up with David, mock punching each other and bopping up and down on the balls of their feet. The wings were dark and lamp lit in one corner reminding Kurt of McKinley and the many performances he'd been lucky to take part in there. As he lost himself in thought, Principal Masters entered the stage and began his address to the crowd. Kurt peeked. The auditorium, all wood panelling and delicate but imposing chandeliers, was bustling.
Kurt felt a hand thread itself into his own that was held gracefully behind his back. A warm body positioned itself behind him and didn't move. He knew it was Blaine, he smelled of Brazilian coffee, his hands were rough but his palms were soft and there was no way any of the other Warblers would be so touchy feely unless they'd suddenly changed team overnight.
"Hi," came a whisper close to his ear. He shuddered and leaned into the space where Blaine had been with a slight grin. Principal Masters announced Kurt's name as the first soloist. It was a blur of blue and red as the other Warblers hugged him, high fived and slapped his back. Kurt dusted off his blazer with an amused but haughty roll of his eyes- they should have known better than to ruffle him up and wrinkle his clothes as he approached a stage. "Break a leg," Blaine called just as Kurt smiled and stepped into the limelight.
The crowd erupted full of applause. He took a deep and long breath, centering himself and letting his skin adjust to the glare of the stage lights. He felt the buzz in his stomach just as his lips teased into a practiced beam. He was home and it felt good.
The Warbler's pianist, Joe, sat to the side of the stage. He signalled with a nod and began to play the opening melody, Kurt standing tall and tilted to one side so as to hold his own. He felt his chest expand and heart sing. He had to sing the words right- he'd chosen the song for a reason and there was only one chance to get it right so he began, his voice filling the entire stage.
Take all my vicious words
And turn them into something good
Take all my preconceptions
And let the truth be understood
Take all my prized possessions
Leave only what I need
Take all my pieces of doubt
And let me be what's underneath
He shocked himself at the emotion behind each syllable. He kept his eyes planted in the audience, finding a person and singing it to them with conviction.
Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway
His eyes were no longer fixed on the sea of people. They were locked on Blaine's, each word emphasised with everything inside of him.
We all have excuses why
Living in fear something in us dies
Like a bird with broken wings
It's not how high he flies,
But the song he sings
He saw Blaine smile, the connection between the words not lost. Kurt felt his fingers tremble as the words coursed through him making so much sense.
Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway
It's not how many times you've been knocked down
It's how many times you get back up
He took a deep breath and felt his words soar. His throat almost caught but he stopped it in time, arching his shoulders to allow more air to fill his lungs and the words to pour out- powerful and clear.
Courage is when you've lost your way,
But you find your strength anyway
Courage is when you're afraid
Courage is when it all seems grey
Courage is when you make a change,
And you keep on living anyway
You keep on moving anyway
You keep on giving anyway
You keep on loving anyway
Wes clutched David's arm, feigning a swoon and sighing dramatically. Although they were teasing, both shared a genuine look of affection, their eyes flickering between Blaine and Kurt.
Blaine couldn't move. Kurt was dazzling, his voice like crystal and each word sent shivers down his spine. He was sure it was one of the most beautiful sights he'd ever seen. He was magnificent, so confident and sure of his talent but throughout, with every single note he sang, his eyes filled with vulnerability and a wealth of experience that made Blaine's heart ache. He wanted him so badly that it wasn't possible to quantify anymore- nobody had ever sung to him, nobody had ever got to know him enough to be able to and each word made perfect sense.
Courage. It was the basis of their relationship, the mantra Blaine had given to Kurt but it was obvious now, Kurt walking towards him slowly out of the piercing glow, that Blaine needed to take his own advice. He smiled, forgetting anything and everyone, as Kurt stopped in front of him, his lips soft and eyes sparkling with charm, belief and a depth of emotion that Blaine simply wanted to lose himself in. He just couldn't speak. His heart raced in his chest as he struggled to breathe, so much want and need and a million other crazy emotions rushing through every inch of his body. He'd never felt that way before, never been overwhelmed like that before. It was as if Kurt had seen his soul and picked up pieces of him, willing to put them back together one by one.
"So?"
Blaine stood silence for a second. He swallowed hard, feeling his hands shaking as he reached for Kurt's in turn. He pulled him quickly to the other side of the curtain, out of line of sight and stood, insanely close together, their breaths audible in the confined space.
It took a single second for Blaine's resolve to crumble. He reached for Kurt's hair, threading his fingers through and pulling him flush to his own body as their lips met. Kurt gasped, his hands lifting to his sides in mild shock before resting gently on Blaine's hips as an anchor. They stood motionless for a second, Blaine kissing deeper in a way that made Kurt's legs go weak. He didn't stop though, he need Kurt to feel how much he meant, to see how special he was and to right all of the ridiculous wrongs that had occurred. There wasn't time for fear or baby steps. Blaine could feel Kurt's lips moving against his own, keeping up perfectly even though with every tiny movement Blaine would make, his breath would catch and he'd respond more intensely. He was a goner. As Kurt let out another breathless gasp, Blaine felt arms wrap around his neck and pull tight. His shoulders melted, his spine softened and every nerve ending in his body tingled in a way he was sure should be illegal. Kurt wasn't afraid now, his hands clutching at Blaine's hair almost desperately as he pulled himself closer and closer with each kiss whilst making a tune of tiny noises in response.
""Your song -" Blaine breathed rough against Kurt's cheek, the other boy refusing to listen and instead pressing his lips impatiently against Blaine's once more. Soft and much more self assured than before, Blaine could barely believe Kurt was the same person. A lifetime of being starved of affection does that to a person.
"For you," Kurt stated, hoping to end any discussion, his head reeling from the overload of feelings and how absorbed he was in the moment.
Blaine's hands encircled Kurt's waist tugging him tight, his lips still gliding softly but with force. It was a little frantic now, both breathing heavily and moving with purpose and need. He felt his hands budge up the fabric of Kurt's jacket, the thick material curling up as his fingers found Kurt's skin exposed. Kurt gasped again but didn't stop. There was something grounding about Blaine touching him like that, something so incredible that he lost the fear, found trust and lifted himself higher, his arms still around Blaine's neck as his skin flushed with goose bumps.
Blaine didn't push it. Even in a desire-filled daze he found himself just running his hands around Kurt's waist and to the crook of his back, relishing in the fact that Kurt shuddered at every touch. He smiled into the kiss, Kurt noticing immediately. As Blaine let out a small dreamy laugh, a voice on the microphone announced his name. Kurt jumped back, startled, his dazed and woozy eyes blowing wide and alert.
"Oh my god," he hissed, almost choking out a laugh, "come here." In a second, Blaine felt his jacket being pulled down taut and smoothed straight and his tie replaced back into the centre. Kurt smiled up, lovingly, and petted his hair down. "Go wow them," he whispered with a small push and Blaine was walking out into the glare.
Kurt giggled, his hand over his face and instantly smoothing out his own hair. The fire from his face was astounding but he didn't care; he watched Blaine almost stumble onto the stage and transform immediately. His dazzling eyes shone as he bowed to the applause. Kurt's heart was still racing, hands still shaking and body still exhilarated and tingling from head to toe. The crowd died down and Kurt told himself sternly to get a grip, there was time to jump around and tell Pavi about every single second as he danced to something inherently cheesy and swooping on his iPod but this was a time to listen. He repositioned himself and planted a nonchalant expression on his face, his legs gliding him out from behind the curtain innocently. The elation was unmistakeable swirling in his tummy as Kurt walked on air reminding himself he'd just made out hiding backstage in a theatre with the guy he was crazy about- finally, he felt teenage. Nobody seemed to be paying any attention to him though. He smiled, sneakily and somehow proud, and fixed his full attention on Blaine.
Blaine was still on red alert, every nerve ending firing and left completely on edge but he knew he had to pull it together. He knew the song and glanced into the audience to find the eyes he wanted to see. Thomas sat to the right hand side of the stage, beaming bright and waving slightly; Sylvie was positioned in the third row alongside his parent's who were smiling but nowhere near as bright and wonderful as his grandmother. She was on her feet, clapping boldly and smiling bigger than Blaine thought possible.
As his accompanied guitarist strummed loudly, the notes firing straight into the audience, he took a breath and let his eyes linger briefly off stage where Kurt stood grinning happily and completely blissful. He began to sing from his heart.
Well sometimes the sun shines on
Other people's houses and not mine.
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summertime.
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
While I struggle to get mine.
If there's a light in everybody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
He sang with regret and the anger he felt inside for never having the guts to rebel against his father and the choices he was bound by. He sang for the pain Kurt had endured and the unnecessary way Thomas had been treated too- both deserving so much more. He sang for the times he'd felt upset and nobody was there to understand. He felt the words, the message in the song to just be able to live happily and without any restraint or anything holding him back from what he felt so naturally. He wasn't asking for anything more, simply to be happy.
I want to walk the same roads as everybody else,
Through the trees and past the gates.
Getting high on heavenly breezes,
Making new friends along the way.
I won't ask much of nobody,
I'm just here to sing along.
And make my mistakes looks gracious,
And learn some lessons from my wrongs.
Well sometimes the sun shines on
Other people's houses and not mine.
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summertime.
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
While I struggle to get mine.
A little light never hurt nobody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
Oh, if this little light of mine
Combined with yours today,
He turned and sang the remainder of the song, unmoving from his gaze upon Kurt, smiling slightly with each pointed phrase.
How many watts could we luminate?
How many villages could we save?
And my umbrella's tired of the weather,
Wearing me down.
Well, look at me now.
You should look as good as your outlook,
Would you mind if I took some time,
to soak up your light, your beautiful light?
You've got a paradise inside.
I get hungry for love and thirsty for life,
And much too full on the pain,
When I look to the sky to help me
And sometimes it looks like rain.
Well sometimes the sun shines on
Other people's houses and not mine.
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summertime.
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you,
While I struggle to get mine.
A little light never hurt nobody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
You're undeniably warm, you're cerulean,
You're perfect in desire.
Won't you hang around
so the sun, it can shine on me,
And the clouds they can roll away,
And the sky can become a possibility?
If there's a light in everybody,
Send out your ray of sunshine.
-.-.-.-.-
So, there you go. That took it out of me! I really hope you liked it.
The songs are:
Kurt's – "Courage Is" by The Strange Familiar (beautiful song)
Blaine's – "The Sunshine Song" by Jason Mraz (Jason's one of my all time favourite singer/songwriters. He's a flawless talent.)
Links are in my profile. I definitely urge you to listen to them : )
Again, it'll be a couple of days until the next Chapter but this is 10,000 words to tide you over till then!
HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone : )