Firstly, I've got to apologise for the uselessness of FFnet. I noticed a few mistakes in the previous Chapter, checked my saved edit and they're correct there. No idea why they happened e.g. the last line should say "baby" etc! Grrrr. Sorry about that!
I had a whole next section to add to this Chapter but I decided I really only wanted this set alone by itself and I've added the extra bit to the next Chapter as it makes more sense to. It's much longer too which I'm sure you guys won't mind!
Thank you SO SO much to raven-meadows, lore-lie, firelle, staceytasia and everyone else on tumblr who have found my random blog and left me the sweetest messages. Also to those of you here who I get reviews off after every Chapter and they're always SO lovely.
I REALLY hope you like this one ;) – THIS will all make more sense in the development once it's read in the context of the last Chapter and the next. Some people have asked about Kurt's reluctance and fears. I could go on about it FOREVER but I hope this makes it a little clearer. He WANTS love and affection and a relationship and all that goes with it, he DESPERATELY wants that as he's never ever experienced it before but how he's pretty much GOT IT – it's freaking him out. He could lose it, be terrible at it, Blaine might still let him down, he's scared of opening up, accepting that these things are actually possible... etc! Doesn't mean that he's not capable of just letting loose like behind the curtain at the show and at his house at Christmas. It's when he has time to think and reality comes into it... his brain is the problem. Over-thinking. He just needs to learn how to STOP... and I hope you enjoy watching him :D
A Few Days Later
Pure insanity. He wanted another moment of it. After the incredible date that turned out to be so much more, Kurt cherished the goodnight kiss Blaine had planted tenderly on his cheek with a sincere wish for sweet dreams. It was schmaltzy and typically Blaine but it was 'oh so' perfect. They'd talked a lot out, leaving each other for bed time feeling emotionally drained but so much stronger.
Kurt was resilient and effervescently bold. He was going to channel that, use it to stop feeling so damn scared and nervous. If he could rock the hell out of an Alexander McQueen 'to the knee' sweater and still feel like a million dollars, he sure as hell could take a deep breath and let the sweetest guy he'd ever known into his heart. He could do it and he would. Little steps at a time.
As February assessments were approaching, Kurt found himself sitting on the Sunday afternoon, a pile of books to his right, a flask of coffee to his left and a playlist of piano music in the background- Ga Ga or Garland were just far too distracting. He hadn't seen Blaine for a day and a half and had, instead, spent three hours with Wes and David revising European History. David had fallen into another in-depth discussion making Kurt's brain hurt as he swatted him with his notepad. It had been an inevitable outcome when Wes had dragged his friend back up to his dorm room in an attempt to keep him safe from Kurt's wrath. The solitude now found in his own dorm was exactly what he'd needed- Pavi was enough company.
It was odd not seeing Blaine for so long as they'd grown so used to each other. Kurt found himself daydreaming, mind wandering from the incessant lines of boring text.
"Dying of boredom?"
Kurt smiled, huge and inviting, as Blaine appeared at his dorm door in chunky knit and soft plaid pants.
Kurt felt his entire body react. It was frighteningly overwhelming how much he'd got used to channelling the feelings now, how he was able to let them fill him and allow them to send him as crazy as they wished. The baby steps were working.
"My eyes are itching, seriously."
Blaine laughed, his arms straining under a pile of books, paper and pens. "I tried Lit then my brain hurt so I practised some of the melodies from rehearsal yesterday then my throat hurt. I decided it was time for a break. Do you want me to leave you to it?" he asked, praying to God that Kurt was say no.
"No," Kurt rushed, "no stay. I'm done anyway I think. I can't stare at these books any longer hoping something's going to go in."
Kurt patted the bed beside him. As Blaine shuffled in, placing his books on the floor, he returned to the doorway and picked up his guitar. Kurt's eyebrows raised questioningly causing Blaine t chuckle lightly. He flushed for a second, suddenly feeling strangely self conscious.
"I can play if you'd like?"
Kurt beamed. "Really? Are you taking requests?"
"Maybe. I've got a couple of songs I've been working on though. I'm still no good at them but I was going to ask if you could give me pointers to help me improve them. I wanted to use one as my audition solo for Regionals."
There was nothing Kurt wanted more than to hear them. The chance for in-depth discussions about music, concepts and composition was like musical crack and he was never going to pass it up. "I'll gladly be your audience."
Kurt kept his eyes on Blaine as he unclipped his case and pulled his guitar out. It was strange watching Blaine with a guitar as his groomed exterior didn't somehow suit one but Kurt smiled, his eyes falling to the deep red shiny hue of the wood, knowing it wasn't any old instrument. It was exceptionally expensive and classical. Blaine settled it on his knee, fingers prepped to begin to play. As Kurt settled himself, cross legged on the bed, Blaine flashed a tiny smile before strumming the opening notes.
There was a time
I had nothing to give
I needed shelter from the storm I was in
And when it all got too heavy
You carried my weight
And I want to hold you
And I want to say
Kurt felt his shoulders slump, his head tilted to the side listening intently. It was the way Blaine's eyes deepened as he sang, the way his shoulders appeared so solid, his arms throwing out the chord like his life depended upon it. Kurt could barely function, realising that this guy in front of him was, in a way, his. He felt himself panic tight in his chest as reality presented itself boldly. Blaine was not going anywhere, he was real and so very present.
That you are all that I need
For you, I give my soul to keep
You see me, love me
Just the way I am
For you I am a better man
Kurt swallowed hard. Were these words for him? The song was heartfelt and open and chosen specifically by Blaine. He wasn't singing in Kurt's direction, instead choosing to sing with his eyes closed, forehead creasing at ever deep note. Mesmerising wasn't the word. Kurt knew a good performance, he knew how to kill a ballad as skilfully as Miss Rachel Berry but there was something raw in Blaine's voice that pulled at Kurt's heart.
I said you are the reason
For everything that I do
I'd be lost, so lost, without you
Under the stars
At the edge of the sea
There's no one around
No one but you and me
We'd talk for hours
As time drifts away
I could stay here for ever
And hold you this way
I said you are the reason
For everything that I do
I'd be lost, so lost, without you
It was like waking up from a dream as Blaine blinked back into the room. Kurt felt his skin shiver watching Blaine's eyes clear, their cloud drifting. It was difficult to grasp that he was not the only one who was learning. Those words, whether they were true or not, were sung with so much passion and depth that Kurt found himself sighing heavily in wonder.
"That," he spoke softly, "that was amazing."
It was the shy expression that twitched to Blaine's lips, eyes and cheeks that shocked Kurt. Blaine glanced down at his pick and then back up, under his long eyelashes, to look into Kurt's eyes.
"Glad you like it," he replied, his voice somewhat unsure.
Kurt felt as if his mind was drowned in a thick mist, slowly clearing for a second. Blaine wasn't some superhero of a guy, he wasn't the one with all of the answers and he certainly didn't have confidence to his bone. He was solid and sure with a wealth more experience but Kurt saw the same fears reflected back at him. Blaine needed and wanted someone just as much. They weren't that different.
Before he knew what he was doing, Kurt reached over and slid the guitar from Blaine's lap, letting it rest on the floor. Blaine just sat still, his eyes watching every movement. Kurt smiled slightly to himself, relishing in the knowledge that he just might have enough confidence to do what he so badly wanted to.
He shuffled closer on the bed watching as the duvet bunched up at his side. He didn't seem to care. The room was warm, cosy even, and with the door closed, Kurt couldn't quite remember what he was scared of, not when Blaine sat in front of him so kind and... normal. It was the first time that Kurt had seen it truly.
Kurt felt his body relax, breaths riding languidly as he let his right hand grip the thick wool of Blaine's cardigan, pulling himself to a kneeling position.
He looked into Blaine's eyes, his own crossing slightly at the closeness. "Is this ok?" he asked quietly, his voice surprisingly composed.
"Anything's ok." The tiny smile Blaine made in return, followed by his easy movement onto the bed, caused Kurt's heart to melt.
He followed Blaine to the back of the bed and watched him lean his back against the wall. There was no way he could sit beside him, there was no sensible reason for that. He wanted to be close and as close as possible so he smiled nervously, glancing down to register any change in Blaine's eyes, as he lifted himself to straddle Blaine's lap, lowering himself down to a sitting position.
Blaine's eyes did change. With eyebrows raised and a flicker of a smirk, they intensified. Blaine felt Kurt's fingers linger on his chest, shaking slightly. He breathed in deep and hoisted himself up to a better sitting position before closing the space between them with a single kiss.
Kurt drew a slow breath as his arms slid around Blaine's neck, pulling him off the other boy's lap and arching his back into the kiss. It was painfully slow. Each movement drifted lazily into the next with feeling so heightened that it was difficult to focus. Blaine smiled, kissing deeper as Kurt let out a tiny noise of satisfaction.
"You're so good at this," Blaine murmured against Kurt's lips.
Kurt stopped, breathing in and bringing his shoulders up as he did so with the sweetest expression of pride. "Good teacher," was the half response in rely as Blaine cut him off, kissing back soundly and pressing his hands to the small of Kurt's back, bringing them together tightly.
Kurt tensed in the embrace, unmoving from sheer intensity before relaxing forward, tangling his arms around Blaine's neck and threading his fingers into the back of his hair, curls softly wrapped in his grasp.
Their breathing grew shallow and slow, both intent on feeling every single shift in movement. Kurt eased his hands down to Blaine's neck, under his sweater and let them follow around the front to the large wooden buttons. He undid them one by one before pulling reluctantly from Blaine's lips to look into his eyes. He could feel the nerves creep back in but squashed them, told them he wasn't going to let them win.
Blaine idly smiled, tilting his head to one side, his hands resting on Kurt's hips.
"You're so warm," Kurt mumbled, his skin flushing out of embarrassment at his own random choice of words. It was true though, Blaine's limbs folded around him caused a cocoon of heat, heady and irresistible but Kurt could only feel it in his arms. He wanted more.
"There might be a reason for that," Blaine whispered suggestively as Kurt leaned in once more, smiling. As their lips brushed once more, Kurt tugged off the sweater, feeling the grey t-shirt underneath and Blaine's body flush underneath it. It was all a little too much to handle. He felt himself swallow, pressing himself closer and Blaine, in turn, into the wall. He shifted and shuffled in, trapping Blaine's hips between his knees and kissed with every shot of emotion that flew from his heart.
Blaine felt Kurt's weight press down onto him, unfamiliar but more comforting than he could describe and hotter than he could deal with. He felt his heart quicken at Kurt's will and the way his hands and limbs moved with purpose.
"You don't pull away," Kurt spoke into the kiss, never ending. He felt a stream of words and phrases spiral in his mind, desperate to be said and for Blaine to hear them. He left them fall from his lips with each press against Blaine's. "You let me do this"
"Mmm hmmm," was the response.
"Don't ask me to stop." Blaine shook his head with a hint of a grin but let his hands wrap tighter around Kurt's waist, tugging him forward even though it wasn't possible to get closer.
"So different. So much I don't know."
Blaine felt something tug low in his stomach. It was unidentifiable and caused his spine to curve, pushing himself forward closer, closer and flush entirely with every curve of Kurt's arms and chest. "Believe me," he rasped, a little frantic, "you know."
He didn't even know what it meant, only that he wanted more and more without release.
"I can't believe I know what it's like now," Kurt mumbled again, suddenly aware he was talking far too much.
Blaine laughed, overcome with emotion. He leaned back somewhat out of breath but lost in the pure affection that coursed through his body. "Know what what is like?" he asked, their bodies still achingly close.
Kurt blushed but didn't pull away. "Um," he began, unsure as to how to finish the sentence without sounding so innocent and naive, "what boys lips taste like."
Blaine felt his stomach drop deliciously, his heart swell at Kurt's crinkled brow and pink cheeks. He felt a sharp burst of fondness then frustration for Kurt, knowing he'd never been able to experience what he deserved but knowing that, now, he had the chance to.
He smiled, leaning back in close and pressing the faintest kiss to Kurt's lips. "Vanilla, coffee and something musky," Blaine whispered, lost in the feel of Kurt's skin beneath his own lips as they pressed warm points to Kurt's cheeks, jaw, nose, chin and then moved to his neck.
Kurt squirmed a little. "Me?" he rushed out, gasping as each kiss came and shivering under the touch.
"Mmm hmmm."
Kurt fell silent for a second, eyes tight shut. "I can't describe," he stuttered out in between gasps of breath.
"Me?" Blaine chuckled, returning to look into Kurt's eyes, relishing far too deeply in the fact that they were entirely woozy. Kurt nodded, his eyes wide and lips rubbing together slowly.
Blaine felt his lower body react naturally, frantically trying to picture a brick wall. The way Kurt bit down on his lip, the pink skin nipped slightly inbetween his teeth slowly sliding out as he smiled, was too much. Far too much.
"You have no idea," Blaine breathed out, closing the distance between them again in a rush of lips and grabbing, "how", he stuttered, "how much... how much, how completely..."
He didn't finish his sentence as Kurt angled him to the side and they lowered, far too quickly, onto Kurt's pillows- Kurt's large, expensive and fluffy pillows. Blaine turned, pushing Kurt beneath him, opening his eyes a fraction to keep track of Kurt's expression. It was a little new for them.
Kurt's eyes were closed, breathing shallow and a look so other-worldy on his face. Blaine didn't waste a second as he sat astride Kurt's hips now, enjoying the feeling of someone beneath him, solid and in the moment. He kissed Kurt's lips surely.
Kurt shuddered, their stomachs pressed together as Blaine leaned over him, feeling the heat radiating from his hands as they gradually travelled up from his hips to lay hot and solid against his chest over his heart. With a hard swallow, he felt his body react, a wave of heat wash down lower and lower causing a whirl of embarrassment and self consciousness.
"I..." Kurt breathed out, swallowing between firm kisses, "Blaine, I..." He couldn't breathe right and couldn't move, so wrapped up and held tight in the moment. His brain still tried to win, an insecurity fighting to the surface prepared to burst through the bubble and pierce the safety but as Blaine's hand stroked hypnotic patterns over his skin causing tingles to flutter every which way, Kurt was sure he'd never felt as precious in his whole life. He wanted to say so much, wanted to express himself and make words depict every feeling, touch and emotion but he'd lost his grip and never ever wanted it back.
It felt like forever and that was ok, but gradually their kisses became slower, lips swollen red and skin scorched but, in time, sleep took over and they lay, tangled together in the lamplight.
The song is "Better Man" by James Morrison. His voice is a lot more raw and gritty than Blaine's but, still, the soulfulness is there and so is the meaning. It's on youtube :D