Oh a thousand apologies for the wait... the massive wait. I've been drowning in a pile of legal briefs for a week and it's exhausting. Cue no sleep, plenty of late nights and zero time. The occupational hazard of returning back after Christmas! Anyway, you have an update and I have a, hopefully, slower weekend (off to see Miss Keira Knightley for the second time in the West End and I'm RIDICULOUSLY excited. Those who know me, know me love for her and how excited I was to meet her the first time!) of train journeys which means, more writing :D
OBVIOUSLY, I have to mention the SHEER magic of Chris winning his Golden Globe. I streamed them live as I worked and burst into happy tears. What a gorgeous moment? I felt so proud to be a fan of his... someone so genuine and honest and real. He deserves it so much and I was giddy with to mention the fact Darren was at the Golden Globes... as a fan of his from long back (courtesy of Anna, my penpal - I know you're reading this!), it blew my mind to see him there! I've never seen someone have so much FUN at an awards ceremony - the videos and photos from the night just proved how incredibly humble yet insane he truly is : )
ALSO – tonight the most blissful set of Kurt and Blaine pictures surface from the cover/spread in EW. If you haven't seen them, you only need to visit tumblr, LJ, Twitter or anywhere else to find them. Gosh they're adorable. I'm so excited to share the complete hysteria of this fandom with everyone : ) It's too fun.
Anyway, I have a BAZILLION thank yous to make so I won't bore you all with a long list, although those lovely people from tumblr who added me (I swore I would never let that place become a place to visit daily... Damn thing pulled me in!) and left the sweetest messages. To those who have JUST read the masses of Chapters and have left INCREDIBLY kind messages and reviews... I'm utterly grateful and am naming each and every one when I say this- Thank you.
I REALLY hope you like this Chapter. It's one of my favourites I think... ;) Have a wonderful weekend!
Kurt was a fighter. He wasn't going to let some hideous headache beat him- not under any circumstance. He'd spent the past day wading through piles of books and stacks of notes and, although it was mentally stimulating, it was also draining him of every ounce of energy. He had a Warblers rehearsal, two essays, French translation and a stack of Chapters to read to prepare for a science project with his very lazy lab partner.
Blaine was equally snowed under, taking orders from Kurt to steer clear and secretly sighing in relief that Kurt was so understanding. Post-New Year pile on was common at Dalton and Blaine dreaded the time of year as it rolled around, knowing his life outside of his dorm was limited and definitely fleeting.
Blaine tossed another screwed up piece of paper in his trash can, frowning at it as made a noise. Running a hand over his tamed hair, he grimaced, gripping his pen and sighing before beginning to write again. It was going to be a long day.
-.-.-.-.
"Kiddo, how you doin'?" Burt asked cheerfully in Kurt's ear.
"Ohh Dad, migraine."
"Sorry son, you studying too hard?"
Kurt hummed, his eyes closed and the fingers on his right hand pressing to his aching temples. "Got to be done dad, I can't leave it. Classes here are way tougher than at McKinley. I'm having to work twice as hard as the kids here just to catch up. French is great, so it Lit but the rest is killing me."
Burt groaned. "Well, if you were studying the art of changing a tyre kiddo, I could give you a few pointers but beyond that, you're on your own," he schooled, "but I know you and I know you don't give up kiddo so stick with it. You don't need to prove anything to us, just do your best."
"I will dad," Kurt sighed, hugging his phone slightly, "it's just, I've been getting these headaches recently and they make me feel so dizzy and disorientated. I can't get ill."
Burt began to laugh. "Those kids won't know what's hit them if you get ill. It's like the exorcist only worse, right kid?"
Kurt giggled. "Now that's just unfair. I've only been that bad once and that was before I had a starring role in the school play. No way was I missing it. This time though dad, I've got a solo audition in a week and I can't get ill. I need to show them what I can do."
"You'll do it Kurt. I might not be able to give you help with your homework and I might not be the best at the whole relationship talk stuff but there's one thing I do know and that's you. You'll nail it. I know it. But if you do feel ill and need to come home, just call and I'll be right there."
Kurt let a slow smile spread. "Thanks dad. I love you."
"Love you too kid, now go get something to eat or some rest. You're always lecturing me about that stuff."
"I will do dad, I promise. Speak to you soon."
As they hung up, Kurt felt a twinge of homesickness. It wasn't because he was unhappy at Dalton or wishing his old situation back at McKinley, he just wanted his own bed and his own home with his dad on red alert if he felt ill. Kurt could only remember a hand full of times when he'd fallen poorly and each time was equally as traumatising as the other. Kurt did not get ill- he just didn't.
"We're missing two," Wes announced, sitting at the head of the senior commons, drumming his pencil against the wooden bench.
David craned his neck to spot any movement outside of the door. "We're waiting on Kurt and George."
Blaine felt himself shuffle on the spot. He'd checked on Kurt earlier but had been greeted with a tense smile and knew that Kurt's eyes were elsewhere. It hadn't been particularly upsetting, knowing that he had just as much as Kurt to do and felt just as tired but it had caused Blaine to worry unduly.
That worry increased tenfold as Kurt entered the room, smiling weakly and taking the spot at Blaine's side.
"New kid," Wes chimed, a little frustrated, "nice of you to join us. You seen George on your travels?"
Kurt blinked up, his eyes stinging. "No I haven't. Sorry."
The Warbler boys talked amongst themselves as Wes, David and Harry convened in a triangle behind the council's desk.
Blaine let his eyes take in Kurt's paler-than-usual skin, dark eyes and slight frown. He looked exhausted, his shoulder slumping somewhat but still, he remained resilient and seemed intent on battling through.
"You ok?" Blaine asked, turning in his seat and rubbing the top of Kurt's hand with his index finger, "because you look as if you could sleep for a week."
Kurt shook his head and sat up straight. "I'm ready to sing," he said firmly and leaned to bump his shoulder against Blaine's. He was unconvinced.
"Ok guys, we're going to presume that George has either forgotten, got detention or has been abducted by aliens for the sake of time constraints so places please."
They'd been focusing on harmonising for their show stopping rendition of Pink's "Get the Party Started" in order to inject some more modern music and genres to their unique style. Kurt pushed himself off the couch and followed Blaine to stand to his right. It took effort to move his legs and even more to stand upright in their opening stance. As the back line began to beat out a rhythm, Kurt felt his eyes twitch and burn.
Blaine loved the song choice. There was something about taking a party classic and adding the Warbler's stamp, plus Kurt had even persuaded the council to allow more movement, choreographing his own slightly bigger steps for them to try. Blaine has smiled widely and felt himself gush with pride as Wes, David and Harry had all okayed the progression and even, in secret, said how much they loved the idea. Kurt was the firecracker the Warblers needed to drag them out of their stale rut.
The only problem was that, today, he couldn't take his eyes off Kurt. Usually that was because the other boy's quaffed hair would drive him crazy with cuteness or the way his lips would pout would send sparkles of desire straight through him as he imagined kissing them in private but, today, it was out of concern. Blaine knew how hard Kurt was working, knew how much effort he was putting in to every aspect of life at Dalton and knew it was in his nature to do so but something felt more intense than that and Blaine couldn't get to the core of the problem. Kurt's adamant nature was too inherent and unfaltering to break through at times.
Kurt watched as Blaine stepped the pattern of movement he'd mapped out, his shoulder leaning into each sway as he sang. Ordinarily he'd have swooned on the spot at how gorgeous he looked in his uniform, so smart yet so deeply cool and suave, but he had no energy to think about anything other than remaining upright and focused. It was a struggle.
Kurt felt Jackson, the guy to his left, sway towards him and step into his path. It was an odd moment of confusion that passed before he felt his eyes mist. Desperately grappling mentally for a hook or something to hold onto, Kurt felt his line of sight skew and stomach lurch as he tripped forward and stumbled into the empty space.
Blaine flinched, feeling Kurt fall in front of him. The singing stopped immediately.
"Kurt, hey hey what's wrong?" Blaine asked, his arm steady against the small of Kurt's back. Kurt leaned back into it, rubbing his tired but frantic eyes and letting out a deep sigh.
He couldn't look into Blaine's eyes, knowing that they'd cause him to give in. Instead, he took a breath and stood tall. "Wow, sorry. Little dizzy," he said, feigning composure.
Kurt felt the gaze of every boy in the room, questioning him, some worried and some agitated at having to be cut short mid song.
"You ok Kurt?" Wes asked, frowning and patting Kurt's shoulder lightly.
"Fine, I'm fine," was the reply.
Blaine didn't like it. He could see the struggle behind Kurt's eyes, the way his shoulders shook slightly as they pushed back and tried to assert some kind of control. It was exhausting just watching Kurt try so hard.
By the end of the number, Wes had rearranged the group once more and placed Kurt behind Blaine in a triangular shape for bigger impact. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to remain alert, Kurt battling against his natural instinct to simply close his eyes and rest. He knew that sleep was paramount and it wasn't that he was failing to look after himself; the problem lay with the pesky illness that felt as if it was convenient to take up host in Kurt's body.
As they worked on the bridge of the song, including a side step and hop routine which Kurt had thrown in to shake up the audience and to grab their attention at a pivotal moment in the song, Kurt felt himself wane again. It took approximately three seconds for his head to reel, eyes to drift and feet to falter again. This time he fell forward, stumbling into Blaine who quickly reacted, holding out his arm and grabbing Kurt incase he fell.
"Woah hey."
Wes halted the song, directing the other Warblers to take a break.
"Kurt," Wes began, placing a strong hand on his shoulder as Blaine kept him upright, "I think you need to call it a day. You look exhausted."
Kurt could feel himself sway, the dizziness taking over and temples throbbing. He wanted nothing more than to curl up on the floor on the spot and just lie there until some semblance of energy decided to present itself.
"Kurt," Blaine soothed, stroking his back protectively, "maybe you should go back to your room, get some rest."
It was at this point that Kurt's grip failed. He looked into Blaine's eyes and melted immediately, knowing he couldn't refuse him anything. He'd still fight to the death for beliefs, fashion choices and musical direction but, somewhere deep inside, Kurt knew that he needed to be anywhere other than in the centre of the senior commons making a spectacle of himself.
He nodded, feeling Blaine's arm wrap around his middle. "Lie down," was all Kurt managed to say.
"Ok, are you able to walk?" Blaine asked, using his free arm to steady Kurt's elbow.
"Mmmm hmmm."
"Come on then," Blaine reassured, "lets go up to your room and you can lie down."
As they entered Kurt's room, Blaine blanched at the uncharacteristically untidy mess littered across the desk and the sea of papers fanned out on the floor. Something was wholly wrong with the world and Blaine was sure then that something was definitely up- mess and Kurt Hummel just didn't coexist.
"Kurt?" Blaine asked, watching as the other boy slid down onto his bed and curled on his side, eyes closing heavily.
"Am fine," he mumbled, wafting a hand in Blaine's direction, "just need to lie here for a second then I will be fine."
"Kurt, look at me," Blaine pushed, kneeling by the bed and scooping Kurt's dangling hand into his own, rubbing a strip of skin over and over. Kurt didn't obey, instead choosing to lie still and feign oblivion. "Kurt?"
"Blaine I'm fine."
"You're not fine at all," Blaine sighed out, feeling Kurt pull his hand back and sit up a little, eyes still averted, "you're tired and stressed and you look so pale. I know we haven't seen each other as much as we'd like over the past week because of school work and rehearsals but you're not..."
Kurt blinked. "I'm not what?"
"You're not talking to me," Blaine snapped, feeling the irritation bubble in his chest followed by a lurching panic that he'd come across as grouchy. Blaine controlled a long sigh and tried to think of a single time when someone else needed him, when he felt useful and as if he could actually make an impact on somebody's life. He'd been the one protected, the one cared for, the one to receive the added extras from those select few like Thomas, Sylvie and even Wes and David and the other Warblers upon his arrival. He'd never felt able to really ease into a relationship where he could be an equal, someone to participate in the partnership and actually let himself love another person emotionally and physically. Kurt was the first and only. It was a treat, so fulfilling and worthwhile to feel as if he was making a difference in someone's life. The smile Kurt would flash him or the small nudge he'd receive for a minor gesture was enough to light up his entire day, safe in the knowledge that he was no longer passive in life. Feeling Kurt drift was frighteningly difficult to accept. There was no way his heart could accept that happening, not now.
"Did I do something to upset you?"
It was then that Kurt felt sick. He jolted alert, sitting up and staring Blaine direct in the eyes. "Why would you ever even think that?"
Blaine swallowed, his face washing with insecurity. Kurt was sure it was one of the first times he'd witnessed it truly. It hurt.
"Because you're pretending to me right now, you've been different this past week, so tired and busy which I understand but you almost passed out down there and now you're dismissing me and telling me you're fine. You're not Kurt."
"I know," Kurt sighed out, his shoulders slumping, "but you're so busy too. You're like a whirlwind of perfectly stapled formatted papers in smart folders and irritatingly excellent grades. You know how hard it is to keep up with you all here? I mean I know I'm acing French and could give Marion Collitard a run for her money but at McKinley I was close to top of every class and I barely lifted a finger."
Blaine frowned, forgetting his own public school experiences then recalling the standard lesson plans, simple and repetitive expectations requiring less than advanced thought. "Dalton's a pretty big leap."
"A freakin moon jump Blaine."
Blaine laughed, sitting close to Kurt on the edge of his bed, bumping shoulders. "So are you sharing now?"
As Kurt's lips creased into a tiny smirk, Blaine's heart swelled in his chest as a happy reminder that they were ok after all. "I'm a bitch when I'm stressed," Kurt huffed out, pursing his lips.
"So I'm coming to realise."
Kurt automatically swung his hand, slapping Blaine playfully on the knee. "If you weren't so sickeningly perfect I'd hate you sometimes," he teased, realising his head, mid slap, had lowered close enough to land easily on Blaine's shoulder. He let it.
"Not really feeling the hate if I'm honest," Blaine laughed out, his cheeks growing pink with the flush of affection he felt rise in his chest.
Kurt groaned playfully. "I'm exhausted and you're shoulder is a better option. Your hair's somewhat sticky thank you very much."
"I'll say it again," Blaine asserted with a chime to his voice, "it's my Marlon Brando look."
Kurt shuddered, feeling Blaine's arm snake around his waist. It took seconds to resist before he snuggled into the embrace and tentatively let his own arms wrap around Blaine's middle, holding tighter than he knew he should. The feelings fluttering inside were a flurry of butterflies as Kurt closed his eyes, savouring the warmth and comfort. It felt wonderful and a little shocking still that someone was not only willing but actively going out of their way to care and consider.
"I don't want to have to leave Dalton."
Blaine's stomach clenched. "Why would you leave?"
Kurt shuffled free, regretting leaving the warm cocoon immediately but knowing he should speak, it was what they should do as boyf-, as whatever they were.
"My dad and Carole had to forego their honeymoon to pay for my tuition here and it's not easy for me to know that it's costing them so much. I don't want to end up failing out too. It'd be like a slap in the face for all they've done for me."
Blaine curled his fingers around Kurt's and held tight. "They love you," he said earnestly, enjoying the way Kurt leaned in a little closer, "they want you to be safe and happy."
"I am," Kurt mumbled, glancing up into Blaine's eyes and smirking slightly once more, "and you're way too good at this. How does that not surprise me?"
The laugh came easily. "I mean it Kurt, you're happy here and I know it's not the easiest school to attend but it's keeping you safe and free from the awful things you went through at your old school. I know you miss your old Glee club more than you show but they're always going to be there. They're your best friends. You're still settling here. Nobody's expecting you to conquer the system in a matter of months so just take each day as it comes, ok?"
Kurt felt himself sigh again, lowering his weary neck to rest his forehead against Blaine's shoulder. "Someone once threw gello in my hair," he whispered, "then a week later I watched as that same kid dashed a slushie in my face. It set me back a week in my skincare routine."
Blaine laughed lightly, tugging Kurt's shoulders closer. "See, your routine can stay intact here."
"Don't think my dad would be too happy to hear that his precious dream of dining with the cast of Lost in Hawaii with his new bride was crushed in order to preserve my moisturising schedule, although it is of paramount importance."
The movement of Blaine's lips against Kurt's hair told him that there was a smile evident there. "He loves you. As long as you're happy and you're doing as well as you can, that's all that matters."
"Yes sir," Kurt murmured his eyes waning slowly in the blanket of heat that Blaine exuded. It was odd to find the thick and almost scratchy material of Blaine's blazer particularly inviting but, to Kurt, it felt familiar and smelled so inherently of Blaine that it was addictive.
"You need to sleep," Blaine decided, leaning Kurt away from him and easing off the bed, "come on, lie down."
Kurt's skin shivered with fondness. As he looked into Blaine's eyes, taking in his patted down hair, starched attire and lopsided smile, he tried to fight against his natural reaction to let Blaine leave. Kurt wasn't one for being fussed over and spent most of his life since his mother died, battling through any pesky illness and realising that Burt wasn't so skilled in the 'playing nurse' department. It was daily Echinacea and vitamin supplements and regular exercise that had Kurt in shape and avoiding illness or stress as much as possible. It was an innate trait of his, to knowingly reject pandering of any kind and to just shake it off, suppress the fatigue or negative feelings and carry on. He didn't need anybody. Now, things were different. Blaine wasn't there because he felt obliged, he was there because he wanted to and Kurt was fairly certain that the other boy got a kick out of playing the protector.
He watched as Blaine sat down on the edge of his bed, tugging a blanket up to meet his shoulders and tucking it alongside his arm. It caused a rush of deep and surprising need.
"Will you stay?" Kurt asked quickly, noticing the light in Blaine's eyes at the question.
"Of course," was the reply, so relaxing, "shuffle along."
Kurt obeyed, moving himself to lie with his back against the wall. His hands were cold, icy even, so he bundled them under the blanket just as Blaine positioned himself to lie a little taller, for once, alongside him.
The thick cream blanket was enough to snuggle into but Blaine sighed, shoulders loosening and heart happy to be pressed so close to Kurt. The fact he had a gorgeous boy to cuddle made the entire situation so much more wonderful. Blaine wriggled his shoulders out of his blazer, folding it over the headboard of the bed.
"You can sleep if you'd like," he whispered, bringing his lips close to Kurt's ear and feeling his own skin tingle as Kurt squirmed at the closeness.
"Sure?"
"I'm not going anywhere," Blaine replied, letting his right hand dig into the blankets to locate Kurt's. He felt freezing skin and wrapped his fingers into Kurt's palm, enveloping it with both hands.
Kurt froze, heart close to beating out of his chest. It was never going to fail to be special and monumental to him to have another person reach and hold hands, to tangle their fingers up and hold on tight. It was a small gesture that Kurt had always held dear, possibly cherished even more than a kiss. He'd had them stolen from him, some rendered meaningless and charmless, completely void of any emotion at all, but to hold hands, for someone to feel enough to wish to reach out like that, was precious.
He tilted his head, looking into Blaine's eyes. He didn't move, simply choosing to map the flickers of emotions and the tiny flecks of colour that formed the beautiful hazel.
"What?" Blaine asked quietly, a soft ghost of a smile evident.
Kurt looked down pointedly, deciding at that point to lace his fingers playfully with Blaine's stroking and lifting each finger before wrapping his entire hand back up and squeezing tight.
Blaine watched as Kurt focused upon their hands, taking time to just touch in the most oddly intimate way. He felt the familiar and ever present ache of want intensify so deep that he nuzzled closer and planted a tiny kiss on Kurt's hairline.
Kurt didn't let his fingers loosen but gasped at the kiss, his body blanketed in warmth and affection with such strength that his mind clouded deliciously, sending him woozy. He snuggled into the crook of Blaine's arm as they twisted to find a resting place. The strong arm now looped around Kurt's back was grounding, the safety of the position so strong in the moment that Kurt let his head rest heavy in the crook of Blaine's neck, breathing in his scent, committing it to memory as always.
"Thank you," he spoke into Blaine's skin contentedly.
"My irritatingly perfect ways and I are always available for you," Blaine whispered back causing Kurt to giggle without a thought.
"Always?"
"Yes."
"Even when I'm stressed out and bitchy?"
"Especially when."
"What about when we argue and you call me a diva and I shout back at you and we say stupid things?"
"I'm almost looking forward to it," Blaine laughed, his left arm lazily stroking a random pattern against Kurt's lower arm as he kept his eyes on Kurt's, noticing how they seemed heavier by the second.
"What about when we compete for the same solo and one of us wins and the other has to swallow their pride?"
"Everytime you say this, I always have the same answer: bring it on."
"What about when we get sick of each other, like when you can't stand me fussing and I want to slap you for being so flawless? What happens then?"
"I call you out for nagging me and you tell me when I'm unintentionally stifling you. I'll kiss you and you'll still shout then we'll be petulant about it until neither one of cares anymore and we end up like this," Blaine chuckled wistfully, almost wishing they could go through the make-up stage of their relationship and enjoy the sheer unadulterated passion of it.
"Ok," Kurt swallowed hard, his exhausted brain too slow to respond to shut him up, "what about when we go beyond kissing and maybe think about other things and you realise I'm painfully virginal?"
Blaine snorted a laugh, fondly kissing Kurt's temple as a deep red blush formed.
"Cross that bridge when we come to it," he soothed again, desperate to calm the leaping drum of his heart and the way the mere thought of progressing their relationship made him feel.
"We will though?" Kurt rushed out, screwing his eyes shut at the sheer agony of the question.
It was all a little too much. "If you want to and are ready to and if I am too and if you want to choose me then we will... we will."
"Shut up," Kurt hissed, burying his head in Blaine's neck one more.
"Huh?"
"Of course I want to choose you," Kurt snapped slightly, his voice couched in familiarity and warmth, "stop being so humble. You're insane."
"Ok then," Blaine declared a little louder than intended, "when you want to and when I want to, yes. We will," he finished, lowering his head to catch Kurt's wider eyes, "that better?"
"Mmmm hmmm."
The way it felt to discuss such serious and potentially life changing matters in such an easy way shocked Kurt more than he ever imagined. He felt Blaine's presence wrapped entirely around him but also felt the spark of being able to provide something for Blaine too. They were equals, both learning and growing and wanting the very same things. As realisation coursed through his body, Kurt acted in automaton, leaning in to the spot below Blaine's jaw to press a kiss there. The other boy responded with a low hum, smiling languidly and tilting his head down to Kurt's.
"Are we good?" Blaine asked quietly in between tiny kisses to Kurt's temple then cheek before finally and achingly slowly letting their lips brush together. Dreamily, Kurt responded, his eyes fallen closed and brain painting the most beautiful warm colours in his minds eyes at the touch of Blaine's lips on his own so firm yet delicately tender. It was too much, far too much to process but something had changed now, there were no barriers in place and no constraints because they weren't required anymore, not where Kurt's heart was concerned. It was free and he knew, right there and then that it was fiercely his own but was now shared, beyond the initial fear and trepidation, with another.
"Blaine?" Kurt whispered, barely audible.
"Mmm hmm?"
Blaine's breathing was shallow and comfortable, a sure sign of impending sleep but Kurt took a breath and felt the shock of a confident but idle smile tug at his lips.
"I ... love you too."