In this chapter I've started Beta collaboration with Cheomara7. The goal is to make this story even better. We'll see where we go from here!

There's a little time span between this chapter and the last one, I didn't felt like writing another holiday chapter. I'm sorry. Read on and you'll understand better.

Yet again, the title is from the song Hysteric by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I decided to use the title of the whole fiction for this chapter because it's the turning point of the story in my opinion, and it fits perfectly with the events. We'll see a grown Meredith and I loved writing it, hence the meaningful title.

Enjoy and review, you make my day!

Part 17 – You Suddenly Complete Me

There will always be something to ruin our lives.

It all depends on what or which finds us first.

You're always ripe and ready to be taken.

Charles Bukowski

I hadn't rested in more than twenty hours. I sat down twice, maybe three times, in the past eight hours, and the Peanut didn't want to be cooperative anymore. Braxton-Hicks were giving me a hard time. Thanksgiving had been exhausting, with everybody at my place to see the new house, and even though people helped me with the cooking I was already too pregnant to host parties.

Post-Thanksgiving week was a mess of accidents, and work piled up. My whole body was aching and the baby was kicking as hard as ever. When I finally sat down, exhausted, on a chair in the waiting room outside the OR, I thought I was about to faint. I drank some juice, ate a sandwich, and the faint feeling slowly went away, replaced by some strong kicks or cramps, I couldn't really understand which was which.

I rubbed my huge bump gently, trying to calm the baby, but it seemed impossible because every cramp just came harder. I felt my stomach torching and I had to –metaphorically – rush to the bathroom to throw up my only meal of the day.

Walking out I saw Cristina down the hall coming towards me, then she became an undistinguished blur. I never saw her arrive next to me; a hard cramp knocked me to the ground. When I opened my eyes again, Cristina was hovering over me, gently slapping my face. I felt the cold floor under my back. When I put her face in focus again, a painful cramp ran through me and I sort of curled up.

"Meredith?" she asked

"Yeah" I managed to hiss, trying to ease the pain

"What's going on?"

I was about to say I had no idea, but then I forced my mind to work straight, between the few pauses from one kick to the other, realizing that they were contractions, not kicks. Damn it, it was too soon for our Peanut!

"Labor" I stammered, in pain again.

I heard her shouting for a stretcher, while my body was shaking with each contraction. I was trying to relax, but it seemed impossible. I knew I had to anyway. The only thing that kept me calm was thinking about Derek and his happy face at Thanksgiving, laughing and playing the guitar with Owen and Alex.

"Derek..." I muttered to Cristina. She nodded and immediately paged him.

Somehow I ended up in a soft bed with hospital-clean sheets and I felt exhausted. I needed to nap, but I wasn't able to close my eyes before a contraction came again, painful as a stab. I breathed in and out, without any luck in calming down. Cristina was still by my side, unable to say anything but 'Breathe' and hold my hand during each contraction. I could see fear in her usually determined eyes and that scared me even more.

"Meredith?" Derek's voice rushed in before him. He was full of worry and concern.

"Oh my God, what's going on?" he asked, leaning closer to my bed. I tried to answer, but Cristina was quicker. His hand immediately found mine and he squeezed it gently.

"She's exhausted and she's having some pre-term contractions. We're trying to stop them, but she has to relax."

"Oh Mer," he sighed, brushing my sweaty forehead and kissing it, before another wave of pain hit me.

"It's gonna be ok, Mer. Just calm down, ok? It's gonna be ok..." his soothing voice tried to make me relax, but it was impossible. It was too soon, our Peanut deserved at least three more weeks!

He sat on the bed at first, but seeing that I wasn't calming down and instead I had started to cry, - the contractions were even harder then - he lied behind me, spooning me in his arms, my back leaning against his hard chest and my head on his shoulder. He was gently stroking my hair with one hand and rubbing my bump with the other.

"Shhh, it's gonna be ok," he kept mumbling in my ear, the same way he would have soothed our baby after a scary nightmare. Tears kept sliding slowly down my cheeks, more for fear than for pain, until somehow I fell asleep in his arms with all of my weight on him, and his hand tracing circles over my belly hoping to calm down the baby as well.

He held us through my whole nap, because when I woke up, he was still there. Outside the sky was darker. Peanut was gently floating now, kicking to reveal her presence from time to time as usual.

"Meredith?" he asked immediately after he saw my eyes open. His whole face was filled with worry, somehow softened as I was able to give him a small smile

"Are you ok?" he asked softly.

I nodded. In his arms I was ok.

"Thank God! You scared me to death!" He gently kissed my lips, urgently.

"I'm sorry," I managed to babble. His chest suddenly hid my face and his arms wrapped tightly around me. I tried to keep fresh tears at bay.

"What happened?" I asked, afraid of his answer.

"You had contractions because of the stress you've been in the last few days," he didn't sugar-coat anything. He knew I wanted the truth. I bit my lower lip, trying to clear my head of the fact that everything that happened was entirely my own fault.

"How's the Peanut?" If I was so stupid to put our baby in danger over work, my bad motherhood had just begun. I felt tears in my eyes, ready to spill out.

"Peanut's fine, you wanna see yourself?" he smiled, as I nodded, then leaned toward the monitor, turning it towards me.

The woosh woosh woosh of the heartbeat filled the room after he switched it on, the same familiar, healthy sound as always. I rubbed my hand over my huge bump, sighing loudly as I saw the baby floating peacefully inside me.

I think I was actually crying then, because Derek's fingers rolled on my cheek, easing my tears. I just kept on staring at our baby, unable to look away, afraid to hurt it again.

"Did something bad happen to our baby?" I mumbled

"No, Meredith, I told you, only a little bit of stress. You worked too much, she was just as tired as you were," a relieved smile spread on his lips

"I hurt our child, Derek," I sighed, fully knowing that, despite Derek's words, everything had been my fault.

"No, you didn't," he kissed the top of my head tenderly

"I should know better."

I had many breakdowns during the whole pregnancy, but never so many tears. It was a sign the end was nearer.

"She's fine, Meredith. Does she look upset?" he said, looking at the screen, and his smile widened.

The baby's little hand was moving to her mouth and she was sucking her thumb. I couldn't help my smile.

"Is the Peanut sucking her thumb?" asked Derek in disbelief.

"Apparently" I said, shocked too, finally able to giggle.

"God, we have to frame that!" he said, pushing the button to print the image before she pulled away. "Oh, I'm mailing it to my sisters immediately!" he grinned, kissing my cheek and suddenly sneaking out of our embrace. He hopped out of the bed, stopping at the door.
"Will you freak out if you're alone for a little while? I need some coffee too..." he added

"Go, the hormonal breakdown is over," I smirked as he closed the distance between us with a kiss and left.

He almost ran out of the door, leaving me in a muffled silence, the baby's heartbeat still thumping in my head. His wide smile somehow calmed me, even if the feeling of guilt wouldn't leave my gut. I stared quietly for an endless time at the image of our baby, sorting my thoughts out on that day.

"Mommy's sorry" I broke the hush, rubbing my hand over the spot where our baby was kicking. "Mommy's sorry she worked too much and almost hurt you. I promise it won't happen again..." It's not even born and I'm already apologizing. I'm gonna be just like my mother. "I'm not good at this stuff, ok? Being a mother will never come easily, so please, I'm asking you to be patient with me, because I'm gonna screw up a lot of things." Okay, I shouldn't be saying 'screw up' to a kid. Bad mother. "I don't even know how to talk to you, Peanut. I only know that I'm sorry in advance for every time I will hurt you. I never meant to, it's just that I don't know how to do this," I sighed, tears welling up in my eyes. "You're gonna be so beautiful and perfect, you're gonna suck your thumb just like I used to do, and everything's just too much, because I'm gonna disappoint you somehow and I can't live with that. My mother always disappointed me and look how I ended up. I can't let you have that kind of life. I love you so much already, and you're not even born." I wiped away some tears with the back of my hand.

"Well, you'll always have Daddy, anyway. He's so great and I'm sure you two will fall in love instantly. I hope you will be a little bit more like him than me. He's simply great, you know. Your Daddy is amazing. He saved my life, and messed it up all at the same time. I knew I would spend the rest of my life with him as soon as our eyes locked for the very first time at Joe's. I have never admitted it to anyone. He has this amazing gaze, you know, you can't look away when he's staring at you, and the hair... He is an awesome man. I'm glad you have half of his DNA, even if I hoped more." I chuckled, "But you're gonna be fine, I promise. I'll do my best to never let you down again, even if I have to skip surgery or lose my job for you, I'll stay. You matter. And you're already extraordinary, Peanut"

I was tearing up quietly again, my eyes closed, when I felt a hand on my wrist and the bed shifting under a familiar weight. I noticed a blurred, grinning Derek as I opened my eyes.

"You're back," I wiped away my last tears and he grinned again after a soft kiss, full of love.

"How long have you been listening?"

"I just came in"

No he didn't. His look told me he had heard everything and now I felt naked. More naked than when I was actually naked in front of him.

"You hope our baby has my hair?"

I smiled. He asked the stupidest question of them all.

"Of course, I've always hoped that, even when I wasn't ready for babies and everything,"

'Five chatty children with perfect hair'

I paused, before asking "Did you suck your thumb?"

"Nope, Amy used to."

"I did." I know I had a huge grin on my face, then "I quit when I was barely a toddler. Sucking thumbs was weak." I could almost remember my mother saying it, even if kids so little normally wouldn't remember that kind of memory. His lips found my forehead, and he kissed away the last tears on my cheeks, making me smile again.

"It's gonna be ok."

"As long as you keep an eye on us 24/7," we both laughed.

"I mean it, Meredith."

"I know. And I meant all I promised before too," I admitted

"Saying speeches is a good mother thing."

"Yeah?"

"Mothers are always fond of speeches, mine was at least..."

"Oh, my mother was fond of yelling, a whole different matter."

He stroked my shoulder, just to remind me that our story would be different. We would have yelling and fights, but we wouldn't have abandoning. We would have love, maybe not perfection, but it would be enough.

So I beamed, melting in the blue of his trusting eyes, knowing that our child's life would be a whole different story than mine, and I felt blessed to have such a great man supporting me.

AN: I hope you enjoyed the wise, committing Meredith.

I'm glad I managed to solve the situation in a single chapter and add some fluff in it too. I couldn't bear writing two angsty chapters in a row. Considering where Soft Shock is headed, I really needed some fluff between these two.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and thanks to everybody who reviewed and commented the last update, stay tuned for more!

And thanks again to Cheomara7 for her contribution!