Sorry for the delay in the updates but I just came back from Munich and I'm still a little off. Those last four days had been busy, but I loved every single second of them. I'm glad you're still is a long chapter for my standards, I hope I'll make it up to you...

December Baby is a song by Ingrid Michaelson. It caught my eye immediately because I'm a December baby, but anyway, it's a soft, quiet song.

I put the Italian version of the quotation as well this time because I personally translated it. I couldn't find it on the Internet even though I know there's an English version of the book. If you have Ocean Sea, please write the exact translation somewhere and I'll change it immediately.

Back to the story, I'm sure you're going to love what Derek tells you here. It's been a while since we've been in his head, uh?

Enjoy and review!

Part 18 – December Baby

"Come tutte le sere, venne la sera.

Non c'è niente da fare: quella è una cosa che non guarda in faccia a nessuno.

Succede e basta. Non importa che razza di giorno arriva a spegnere.

Magari era stato un giorno eccezionale, ma non cambia nulla.

Arriva e lo spegne.

Amen.

Così anche quella sera, come tutte le sere, venne sera."

Like every other evening, night arrived.

You can't do anything about it: it's something that doesn't face up anybody.

It just happens. It doesn't matter what kind of day is turning off.

Maybe it was an extraordinary day, but nothing changes.

It comes and turns it off.

Amen.

So that evening as well, just like every other evening, night arrived.

Alessandro Baricco

It had been a hard day at the hospital. Long and difficult surgeries all day, but luckily everybody was still alive. I came home to Meredith and she was already in bed, despite the fact that she was starting to hate the forced rest that imposed her body. Our Peanut was moving a lot when I wrapped my arms around her bump, spooning her in my arms and wondering how she could manage to sleep with that party going on inside of her.

I could never understand how women were able to grow such perfect things inside of them and actually push them out without surgery. It has always fascinated me. Maybe that's why I spent all that time around Addison when we were younger, or maybe it was just the trauma of having four sisters.

The Peanut was quiet now, probably just floating in the little space that she was about to leave. The due date was coming closer; so was Christmas. Actually the due date was on Christmas Eve, and there was no doubt that she was going to be the best present ever.

I saw some blurred lights outside our window, before dozing off to sleep with a smile lingering on my lips. I hung Christmas lights over our porch that morning. Our new home's porch. Meredith complained, but after seeing the result, she was pretty much into the Christmas spirit, even if there were still two weeks to go. We decorated a big tree too, and she told me about her Christmases with George and Izzie and Doc as we decorated it together. She cried for a while, missing all three of them, but overall she was happy.

I don't think we've ever waited so fondly for Christmas before. Our home, our tree, our lights, our baby-to-be, everything was perfect.

My mind stopped drifting when I felt the strong grip of Meredith's hand clinching my arm tightly. I groaned something about going back to sleep, kissing the closest part of Meredith's body, before closing my eyes again. She shook me again a few moments later.

"Derek," she whispered. She held my hand now, squeezing it.

"What?" I managed to babble. I think I fell back to sleep before I could hear an answer.

"The baby's coming!" she raised her voice from a whisper to a high, freaked out pitch. It took me a second to process everything and open my eyes again.

"Now?"

"I'm having contractions. Fifteen minutes apart, I've been monitoring it. I'm officially in labor Derek." Ok, she was freaking out. So was I.

"I know you worked all day yesterday and I just sat here all day long and you're tired and you want to sleep, but I need a ride to the hospital. I can't wait any longer, it's been a while since the labor started, and..." she rambled and I silenced her with a quick, sleepy kiss.

"Yeah, okay. It's ok. Just give me a minute to get dressed. Do you need something?"

"Bring me those pants over there and that sweater." They were both mine, but they were one of the few things that fitted her and that she actually liked. She looked so little in them, so breakable, and I knew she was almost at her breaking point. It was going to be a long night...

"I'm ready!" I faked. I wasn't ready for my baby to arrive: my face was a mess and I couldn't even put myself together enough to think straight, but I helped Meredith walk down our brand new stairs and through the grassy patch to reach our car. She sat down and practically curled herself into a ball. New contraction, just thirteen minutes already. "My bag," she managed to utter.

Crap, it was still upstairs. Empty.

"What do you need?"

"Put some stuff in, I'm gonna steal a couple of scrubs from your locker, ok?"

Actually scrubs were pretty much the only thing she wanted to wear during her leave at home. "I'll be right back, ok?"

"Move, my waters just broke." My eyes widened and my feet moved of their own accord.

I rushed upstairs, almost falling, but preparing everything in less than five minutes. I was back in the car, and she was grimacing again.

It was painful just to watch, I can't imagine how she kept it so light in the car later, smiling and pretending to chat about surgeries, as if it were the most regular ride to the hospital ever. We had to wait through another contraction before taking the elevator, all her weight was on me as she tried to stand despite the pain.

Dr. Riley arrived right after Meredith lied down. I sat helplessly next to her while she was being examined.

"Good, four centimeters already!" Riley said. Still a long way to ten.

She was almost shaking with every contraction; there was less time to breathe after each new one came. She wasn't even able to talk after a few hours, when the doctor came back to announce that there were still three more inches. She was exhausted already; pain spreading throughout her whole body, the light in her eyes was just a hint of what it was before. I didn't know if she could make it three more inches without any drugs.

"Mer...Meredith?" She looked so distant when she was finally able to look at me, before being caught in some more pain and drifting back to lie down again.

"Do you want an epidural?"

She shook her head harder than I thought was possible. "I'm giving birth to my child on my own," she said stubbornly.

She had already cursed many times and her voice was harsh from all the pain, but she was still the same immovable woman I knew. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, to soothe away some of her pain, even though I knew it was impossible and probably useless. She clinched her hand around my arm tightly.

"I need to sit up Derek, please, help me sit up. I can't lie here anymore, I just can't," she said, one of the longest talks we'd had in the last few hours. It was already starting to get lighter outside.

I sat on the bed behind her, holding her tightly as all of her weight fell on my chest when she sat up. She collapsed onto me, exhausted. I brushed her hair softly. Then Dr. Riley came in again to check on her. As she walked in, Meredith shivered in my arms and blurted "Der, I need to push."

"So push," suggested the doctor, after coming closer to examine her, "you're already at ten inches; push Meredith," and so she did, for ten long seconds as I held my breath. And again. And again, without complaining once, as she became weaker and heavier in my arms with every push. My hands were numb from her grasp, but I didn't mind.

"I can't do it anymore," she surrendered.

"You can Meredith. The head is almost out, you're doing great," I encouraged, at a loss for more suitable expressions

"I just want it to be over, please, I can't take it anymore, please, Derek, please," her desperate plea pinched my heart. Hysterical tears spilled out of the corners of her eyes, mixing with pain and exhaustion.

"If you push some more it will be over soon, I promise."

"Please" I couldn't stand her in pain, even considering the circumstances.

"We're gonna meet Peanut soon Mer," I tried again

"Just do a freaking c-section! Why didn't I ask for a c-section?" she was sobbing now. Then she weakly pushed against her will.

"Mer, you can push again, I know it," I was out of ideas of how to convince her, so I just kissed her forehead and she pushed; maybe for me, maybe because her body asked her to, but she pushed again, and I could see my baby's head.

"The head crowned," said Dr. Riley

"Seriously?" Her face lightened from pain, just to darken again after another push.

"Please, take her out, please!"

"It's almost done Mer, you're doing great"

"Take that little girl out of me please!" She yelled. I lulled her in my arms, trying to calm her down, whispering soothing words in her ear.

"Little girl?" asked the doctor, trying to distract her. I didn't even realize that she said that, I was too busy soothing her sobs

"Yeah, it's a girl. Just take her out, please..." she wasn't yelling anymore, just sobbing and pleading us to end her pain as quickly as possible.

"Mer, you have to push again. It's almost done, c'mon. They can't pull her out, you know that too." Tears welled up in her eyes again. She leaned against my chest limply and pushed as hard as she could with the last of her strength. Then she pushed again, just because I held her hand even tighter.

As she relaxed completely on my chest, unable to do anything more than lay there in my arms a loud wail filled the room. Meredith smiled widely, tears running down her cheeks. There was movement, but I couldn't process anything but the sound of our baby crying. I looked up and I saw a tiny screaming Peanut coming closer and laid into Meredith's arms. I'm a Dad.

"You were right," said the nurse, "a beautiful little girl, congratulations!"

I looked down, behind Meredith's shoulder and there she was, our little Peanut: fluffy dark hair, delicate features, and angry, ineffectual fists that loudly screamed of life. Meredith just pulled her closer and she immediately calmed down, her face softened and Meredith kissed her tiny forehead. When she looked up at me, all the pain and the exhaustion in her eyes were gone, replaced by the most wonderful smile. Everything looked so perfect that I could hold them in my arms for the rest of my life. I'm a Dad.

"Told you it was a girl."

I couldn't make up any words in response, so I just smiled, astonished, hoping she could understand me. The nurse took the baby back to have her tested and Meredith immediately fell asleep on me. I curled up beside her and, somehow, I managed to sleep a couple of hours too. I had rescheduled my schedule for the next few days and called my mother the one time I left the room.

When I opened my eyes again, Cristina was sitting across from me, charting.

"Hey, Shepherd," she whispered, as she saw I was awake enough to process what she was saying, "Your mother is here."

"Thanks Cristina. Will you keep an eye on Mer and page me when she wakes up?"

"Of course," she smiled, pointing at her stack of charts.

I walked out. My mother was waiting for me right outside.

"Congratulations!" she shouted, before hugging me so tightly that I had trouble breathing. I kissed her cheek, leaning into her hug.

"I heard that my new grandchild is a girl," her smile melted my heart more than the sentence itself. A girl.

"You heard right," I grinned

"Oh, another Shepherd girl," she sighed proudly

"Do you wanna see her? Because I can't get enough of her, so I'm going to the nursery," I admitted

"Of course," she smiled; we started walking. "How's Meredith?"

"She's exhausted. She dozed off right after giving birth and she hasn't moved an inch since. She was great."

"What about you?"

I needed a second to tell her exactly how I was feeling, and I still didn't come close, saying "It's overwhelming, you know? Not in the way that I can't breathe, it's more like fresh air than that, but still...I have no idea what I'm gonna do Mom," I rambled just like Meredith and Mom smiled

"It takes a while, but at some point everything will come naturally, almost like you've done it for your whole life. It's like surgery somehow, don't you think?"

"Yeah." My mother was so great at pointing out stuff so easily

"There," I said when we reached the nursery and we looked behind the glass. I pointed to her: our sleepy, dark-haired girl and my mother smiled. "She's so beautiful, Derek"

"Yeah, I know," I still couldn't believe she was all ours.

"How is she doing?"

"I suppose great, but I was going to ask Dr. Robbins. The blond woman right there, we've worked together on some cases. She'll know something for sure."

As Arizona looked up and saw me, she put on a huge, Peds-like, smile, mouthing "Congratulations!" I gestured for to come in and she agreed.

"Congratulations, Shepherd, she's lovely," she voiced when we walked in.

"How is she? Is she ok?"

"10/10 on the APGAR test, she's not just ok, she's perfect!" She giggled.

"Thank God. Oh, this is my mother," I said, putting a hand on her shoulder. They shook hands, smiling widely.

"You wanna bring her to Meredith?" Robbins asked.

"Can I?" I know I sounded like a little boy on Christmas, but I couldn't help it.

"Of course. I can even let her stay there full time if you want..."

I know my face lightened up, because she had already prepared some papers.

"There. Can I come in and see how's Meredith doing?"

"She was still sleeping, but you can try anyway."

"I'll stop by later."

"So, can I steal my daughter?" I marveled at that sentence.

She grinned, giving me the good to go. I stopped for a moment, carefully watching her again, analyzing every perfect feature of her sleepy face. Then I headed to Meredith's room, proudly pushing the cradle as people stopped me in the aisle. My mother went to the cafeteria to relax and grab a coffee after her long flight.

When I arrived in her room, Meredith was still sleeping and Cristina had left a note for me. "911, sorry Shep." I chuckled quietly, so as not to wake my girls. God, that sounded so cliché and so perfect at the same time. My girls.

I sat down next to Meredith, looking back at our daughter. I ruffled her fluffy black hair - too much for a newborn, maybe – trailing my fingers through it. Then I moved down to her little, soft ear and her chubby mouth, tracing the shape of her lips. They were just like Meredith's. Her shoulder was a perfect curve and I unwrapped her to see how fully beautiful she was. Her softness was unbelievably perfect and her smell similar to a flower. She was all curled up, almost as if she was still in Meredith's womb. She wasn't sucking her thumb yet though.

"Are you afraid to hold her?" a soft voice, enveloped in sleep, reached my brain and I immediately looked up watching the most beautiful Meredith I've ever seen. Perfect, just like our daughter.

"Maybe," I answered, able to manage a little bit of the astonishment.

"Pick her up or I'll do it by myself. It's great..."

I scooped her up in her pink blanket, sitting right next to Meredith on the edge of the bed and everything fell in its place. A wide grin spread across my face, uncontrollable.

"Told ya," she caressed my arm, moving down to touch our daughter's little feet, placing her head over my shoulder. I spotted tiny tears glistening in her eyes.

"Since when did you know we were having a girl?" I asked, trying to focus my attention on her and not just on the Peanut in my arms. So small in my strong arms, actually. I was suddenly afraid to hurt her, so I gave her to Meredith.

"I had a feeling at the first ultrasound, remember? Don't ask why..."

"So you thought about names?" I smirked

"I wanted to bring up the topic yesterday night," she laughed quietly, "I even thought about boys names to mess with people."

"By the way, Cristina and Alex won the bet. Everybody thought we would have a boy," I grinned, remembering the first time I saw Cristina and a group of nurses taking money from their pockets, as if they were trying to keep it a secret.

"You seriously bet?" she said with a wide grin.

"You seriously knew?" I teased her, before brushing her tired lips.

I felt something ticking at my chest and I realized it was our daughter's feet, right before she burst into tears. I panicked, sincerely freaking out, while Meredith reached out to cup her head with a perfectly fitting hand, easing her up to her chest and lifting up her gown, trying to feed her. She smiled widely as soon as the baby began nursing at her breast, her tiny fist brushing Meredith's bare skin. I could only stare, open-mouthed at this tender, caring scene, enjoying secretly that I could see it over and over again in the next few months.

"Derek?"

"Yeah..."

"Stop staring at my boobs."

"I'm staring at our daughter." She smirked. Then she just smiled softly, her eyes bore into mine, lighter gray shadows spotting the sea of green

"We should name her sometime soon, don't you think?" she asked, still tracing the length of our baby with her fingers as she nursed noisily.

"Yeah, it might be appropriate. You're the one who looked at the books, any suggestions?"

"You really didn't came up with anything yet?" She snorted at my frown. "Grace is lovely, but it would be so cheesy," she suggested with a smirk, tilting her head to the side.

"I thought the same."

"Emily was in my list too," she admitted and I looked at her weirdly.

"You made a list?"

"Mental list," she nodded. I couldn't keep myself from grinning

"It's nice, but it sounds a lot like Amelia to me and, I don't know..." I evaluated.

"Next?" she asked.

"I'm sorry…"

"It's fine...Lily? Sarah? Hannah?" she suggested, but they didn't click.

"What about Alice?" she said after some thinking.

I grinned, looking at our baby girl. Perfect.

"Alice Greta," she added

"You know, I love Greta, but Alice sounds a bit like Ellis," I looked away, afraid of her answer. Alice was really perfect.

"Yeah. It would remind me every single day to be better," she whispered, becoming pensive. She named her and I loved every single thought behind her decision. Alice was just right for our little girl.

The baby was resting on her shoulder, still looking so small, Meredith's fingers tracing circles on her back. She smiled to me, "Welcome to the world Alice Greta Shepherd," she said, before looking down at our daughter's now open eyes, placing a tiny kiss to her forehead then handing her to me.

I took her in my arms and for the first time, we looked into each other's eyes. Hers were a peculiar blue, already fading to green. Or gray, I couldn't quite tell. Her fingers wrapped around my forefinger as I lightly touched her arm. "You're so beautiful," I mumbled to her, before kissing her forehead. I could feel her tiny feet gently kicking my chest. Then, after a long session of staring and extended glances her eyes closed and she fell asleep, her breathing became quiet and peaceful.

"Oh cr..."

"Derek," hissed Meredith before I could even finish. She wasn't mad, just reminding me.

"Yeah, sorry, I just realized I left my mother down in the cafeteria all alone."

"Go get her, she'll be so happy to meet Alice," she smiled widely.

"She saw her in the nursery, but she also asked about you."

"Oh," she added, surprised. I put Alice back in her arms, kissed her lips and our daughter's forehead, and left the room. I didn't simply walk into the cafeteria, I hopped there.

"There you are!" greeted my mother.

"I am so sorry, Mom."

"I suppose Meredith is awake by now."

"Yeah. We were discussing names, I just lost the track of time," I admitted, feeling a little bit guilty about leaving my mother all alone.

"Did you come up with something?"

"Alice. Alice Greta," I smiled. I could say that name a thousand more times and never get tired of it.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful baby."

I smiled in agreement.

"I've seen Mark and a girl I suppose is Meredith's sister," she said.

"Yeah, Lexie..."

"Are they still together?"

"It's complicated, but yeah, they like each other a lot."

"I've never seen Mark into someone like this." I nodded, before drifting off to the moment when I punched him when he told me he was dating Lexie.

"How's Meredith?" she interrupted my thoughts.

"She's..." Good wasn't enough, she was glowing and irradiating happiness, but I couldn't really get a hold on how she was doing, so I sighed "...amazing." My mother smiled widely. Then she walked outside, towards Meredith's room.

"Hi Mrs. Shepherd!" Meredith said when she saw her.

"Oh, drop that, it's just Carolyn," she walked closer and managed to hug her, despite Alice being cradled in Meredith's arms.

"I'm so glad you came," she smiled widely and I knew she meant it.

"I heard about a new baby and a new house, I couldn't miss it," my Mom grinned.

"Yeah, everything is pretty much changing."

Meredith didn't look as embarrassed as the first time they met. It was like they joined the same secret club in the past year and I didn't know a thing about it. Right, the mother's club. I smiled to myself, still feeling weird when I called Meredith a mother, even if she had been doing a great job for the past nine months.

My pager beeped and I shut it as quickly as possible, but Alice didn't even flinch. A daughter of two surgeons already.

"It's the Chief," I babbled.

"Maybe he wants to congratulate us. You can tell him to stop by, I would appreciate it," mumbled Meredith.

"You sure I can go?"

"Your mother will keep me company, don't worry," she grinned, and I unwillingly left the room to meet the Chief.

I'm a Dad.

I'm Alice Greta Shepherd's Dad.

AN: I hope you liked the chapter. It had some last minute changes, but it turned out good (hopefully). At least, I loved writing it.

I only noticed the similar sounds of Alice/Ellis because I looked up the pronunciation. In Italy we say it in a completely different way, even if it's written just the same.

They finally had their baby girl, but the story is not over, so just stick around, okay?

Thank you for reading and thanks again Cheomara7 for being my Beta!