They lost.
The week before Regionals was hectic. The council was freaking out, trying to perfect their performance even more. The Warblers were doing their best to focus on Reginonals. Other club activity was dropped, homework was less for them since most of the teachers wanted them to win, and they had Warbler rehearsals every day.
They lost.
After everything they did, after how hard they had tried. Some members just shrugged and though 'hey, I've always got next year' but some members couldn't. The seniors were taking it hard. That was their last shot, their last chance, and they blew it. There wasn't much left of school and before they knew it, they'd be graduated and going all into different directions. Some to college, some out into the big world in hope to make it in the music and acting industry.
They lost.
On the way back to Dalton the bus ride was quiet. Chris sat with his knees pulled to his chest, his chin resting on top of his knees. Terry wasn't smiling, wasn't telling jokes, wasn't talking, but he was silent. David had his eyes closed, but he wasn't asleep. He didn't want to open them, he didn't want to face the reality that it was all over. Wes was listening to his iPod, his eyes filled with tears ready to spill over, but he wouldn't let them. Thad sat next to Flint, who was in the year below, and was resting his head on Flint's shoulder. They hadn't said a word to each other the entire ride.
When they got back to Dalton, the Warblers went straight to their dorms. The only interaction between most members were simply soft mumbles, telling someone 'goodnight'. Thad, Flint, Nick and Jeff had made a silent agreement, a simple nod was exchanged, and rooms were switched. Thad would be staying in Flint and Jeff's dorm while Jeff would be staying in Nick and Thad's dorm. Thad needed Flint. He couldn't be alone, not now. Nick needed Jeff just as much after the encounter at the mall.
They didn't mope for long. They had the entire night to think it all through and when the morning came, they understood that life goes on. They may have lost this competition but there were plenty of other things they might win in life. New Directions deserved this win. They probably fought just as hard for that victory. Although, some Warblers thought they were better than the McKinley glee club, but they didn't voice it out loud.
They didn't dwell long on the fact that this was some of their final chances and they lost. That wasn't the most important part right now. This was only temporarily and even though they didn't win this, it wouldn't matter for long. It was an issue that should be put aside for the bigger ones.
The big issue was all the hurt. The first one was Thad and Chris, best friends, fighting each other. Nearly no one knew why the fight had occurred, but they seemed to have worked it out, so there was no reason to push it and demand to know why it happened. The second one was Nick. He had been in this school for three years. Two and a half years in the Warblers as well. And almost no one knew. They all knew he had been bullied, they all saw what a nervous wreck he was when he first started attending Dalton, and they all saw how terrified he was of the jocks.
Nathan was the first one to know. He was Nick's first friend at Dalton and also the first person who saw him break down. Nick had cried so hard when he was telling Nathan the whole story, he had to take several pauses. After that, Nathan swore he would never let anyone, especially that Randall guy, hurt him like this again and get away with it.
Nathan was a man that kept all of his promises. After the incidence at the mall, he was absolutely furious. He wanted to get back at the guy right after he told everyone about Nick's suicide attempt, but Nick came first. Only a few days after this happened, Regionals finally came. That made him put his revenge aside. He hadn't done anything yet, but he certainly was going to. Then he heard about a hockey match between Dalton and McKinley that was coming up soon. He made James promise himself that the guy would not leave the match without getting what he deserved
Jeff was the second one to know. Even though Nick was close to Nathan, he became even closer to Jeff. They shared a lot of classes, but they had never spoken before. That is, until the Warblers. They soon became good friends. In Nick's junior year, he began developing feelings for the other boy. Shortly after Christmas break, Jeff noticed Nick never came back from his home with any pills. He always asked someone else for pills for when he needed them. That sparked up a conversation between them. Nick tried making up an excuse for why he never had any, but Jeff didn't buy it. After Jeff playfully pressing on the matter, asking him why, Nick blurted out that he OD'd.
The third and last one he told was Kurt. Blaine had asked him to talk to Kurt, who had been bullied in his old school to an extent that he had to transfer, because Blaine knew Nick had had a hard time at his school and because Blaine wasn't very comfortable talking about his experience with bullies in detail just yet. Blaine never knew he had gone as far as suicide. He had explained Kurt's situation in a way that Blaine sounded scared Kurt might harm himself. He truly cared about the boy and was just trying to look after him, so Nick found it necessary to include the suicide attempt when talking to Kurt, in hope that if he was having those thoughts, he might get him to snap out of them.
Nick had always hoped the rest of the Warblers would never know. A part of him was so scared that if they found out they'd start to treat him differently, with more caution and more gently. That they'd tip-toe around things that involved suicide or death. That they'd look at him with sympathy. That they'd be scared of him still feeling that way, of him still being suicidal.
He always disliked talking about it. He thought it made himself sound weak and stupid and that when he told people about it they'd see the real him, a coward. He'd always been a coward. He didn't dare to stand up for himself. He didn't dare ask anyone for help. He was afraid to tell anyone about how he felt, because he was afraid they'd just tell him to shake it off. When he made the choise to kill himself, it was actually one of the few moment where he felt brave. He felt like he was actually in control and he was doing something for himself. He was brave enough to pull it off. He didn't back out and cower away. He actually went through with it.
He didn't want to relive it, he didn't want to think about his old school, he didn't want to think about the people he had called his friends, he didn't want to think about how no one did anything despite seeing that he was clearly being bullied, and he didn't want to think about the bullies.
But he had to.
He knew from the second he walked into the first Warbler meeting after their loss at Regionals that they would discuss it. When he walked in, the entire council had their eyes on him. David smiled a comforting smile at him, Wes looked sympathetic and Thad looked guilty. He took his seat next to Jeff, who smiled at him and grabbed his hand. Terry sat in a seat next to them. He was, thankfully, back to being himself. It had started to feel empty to some of the Warblers not hearing Terry's constant loud voice. While it could be annoying that he rarely shut up, it was also comforting to know that it was always there.
Terry was debating with Frank which was better, Playstation 3 or XBOX 360. It would have been an interesting conversation to listen to, since they had begun throwing insults at each other, which of course weren't taken as an offence, but Nick was too busy trying to calm himself down. His boyfriend must have picked up on it because he gave his hand a squeeze and leaned closer to him.
"It's going to be okay." Jeff whispered.
Nick smiled as Jeff gave him a kiss on the forehead. Wes banged his gavel and officially began the meeting, seeing as how everyone had arrived.
"Now I know most of us are sad for losing at Regionals but I think it's important to add that we did our best. We didn't mess anything up and we were good, only the New Directions were better. Even though we aren't competing anymore, the Warbler meetings and rehearsals will still go on. We can still perform, both within the halls of Dalton and at other places. But that is not what we will discuss at this meeting." Wes said.
"Junior member, Nick." Wes said. Nick swallowed hard. "I know this may be uncomfortable for you, but it is something we must address."
"Why?" Thad asked. It wasn't directed at Wes, but at Nick. "Why didn't you tell us about this?"
"It's not something that you can squeeze in a casual conversation. 'Oh, yes, that song is lovely. By the way, I tried to commit suicide by overdosing.'" Nick said.
"That's how you did it?" Chris asked, his voice almost a whisper.
"I'm sorry, Nick. It's probably really hard for you, but you must tell us. You must help us understand." Wes said.
Jeff gave Nick's hand a squeeze and a smile that said You-can-do-it. Nick swallowed and took a deep, shaky breath. He was going to get over this quickly, hopefully with a few interruptions.
"You all knew that I was bullied in middle school after I came out, right? Well, there were a few guys, one of them was the guy you saw at the mall, and they were basically just complete dicks to me. After they wrote 'Kill yourself, fag' onto my arm I began having suicidal thoughts. So one day, I just decided to do it. I went through with it but my mom got to me in time and rushed me to the hospital. They managed to save me, obviously, but if my mom hadn't arrived in time I…" Nick said, blinking away tears. This time, he wouldn't cry while telling this story. He refused to.
"I'm just… I'm just so thankful she did. My life right now is everything I ever wanted, and even more." Nick added. He scanned around the room. Most guys weren't looking at him, but they were staring at the ground. Trent and Blaine looked upset and Chris was on the verge of tears.
"But guys, seriously, just promise me this." Nick said. Most of those who weren't looking at him before were now. "Don't start treating me differently because of this. My family already does."
"How so?" Randy asked.
"For two months after I got back from the hospital, everything that was sharp enough to cut yourself with it was hidden. We don't have any pills you can OD on in the house anymore. My parents still want me to see a therapist, even though I've refused to go to one after I began going to Dalton. Some of my relatives treat me like I'm made out of porcelain. My parents and sister don't mention anything related to suicide and don't want me near anything that relates to it. I can't have a few days where I'm feeling down or they think I'm suicidal again." Nick said.
"I will promise you this if you promise us something in return." Thad said. Nick bit his lip and did nothing for a few seconds, but then he nodded.
"If you're feeling uncomfortable with something, let us know."
"Alright, it's a deal." Nick said, a small smile forming on his lips, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Hang on, I'm not done." Terry said. Nick didn't feel like he was seeing Terry, his loud and goofy friend, but it was like he was seeing another version of him. Instead, it was the protective older brother Terry. None of the Warblers, aside from Randy, were quite familiar to this side of him.
"If any of those guys so much as dare to breathe another word in your direction, let me know. I won't hesitate kicking their ass, even if it means I'll get into trouble." Terry said, with no trace of laughter or joking in his voice. "Those morons should actually count themselves lucky I don't know who they are, or else it would be pretty hard to refrain from driving all the way over to Lima just to give them the beating they deserve."
"Please, don't hurt them." Nick begged.
"Yeah, I don't think you need to. Living with knowing you made someone try to take their own life should be horrible enough." Robert added.
"Guys, seriously. Don't hurt them. Unless they start this whole thing up again, don't step down to their level." Nick said.
James gave him a confused look. "So you're saying…?"
Nick laughed quietly. "I'm saying that if they do something to hurt me or anyone else again, you can kick their ass. If not, don't."
"And where does this Randall guy stand?" Nathan asked, as innocently as he could.
"Oh, don't even try to pull that innocent tone with me, Nate. I know what you're thinking. Please don't hurt him. I don't want you to get hurt." Nick said.
"I promise I won't hurt him." Nathan said with a smirk. "But say, if karma would come back to bite him in the ass in a, oh I don't know, hockey injury, that would be fine, wouldn't it?"
"It's gonna happen no matter what I say, won't it?" Nick asked and sighed, rubbing his temple.
Nathan just smirked at him.
PLEASE READ. I'm in sort of a dilemma and I'm going to make you solve it. Should I make Kurt transfer or not? PLEASE go to my page and vote either yes or no. Thank you. (If the poll is being a bitch and won't show up, just vote by reviewing, please.)
By the way, I'm semi nervous about this chapter. I've never been suicidal, nor have I ever known anyone who has been. I'm just basing this off things I've heard and how I think it is. (Note that I am NOT undermining it or making it sound like a coward way out.)