Author's Note: Thanks, everyone, for the support in the last few reviews since I posted the last chapter only a few hours ago! As a way of apologizing for taking so long to update, I'm going to go ahead and post this. I've combined two chapters into one, so that means I still have the write the next one, but it means you guys get a longer chapter that ends on a little bit more of a nicer note than some of the previous ones. That being said, I did have a bit of trouble with the first part of this since I'd forgotten where I was going with it, so I do apologize if it's a bit confusing. Also, I have never really written must Esposito before, so I'm not sure how well I portrayed his character. I may not get the next chapter out as quickly as we'd all like, but you can expect it before Friday, and I'm being lenient here because I have a ton of homework due Monday and Tuesday that I need to work on! Anyway, I'll let you get to it!

Disclaimer: Not mine…so not mine. Sad day.

It had seemed like she was living in a tragedy. Everything had started out so perfectly and had slowly turned into a nightmare. She asked herself over and over why this had happened. She remembered the excitement, the laughter, and how they were rarely able to keep their hands off each other for more than a few minutes at a time. Then, that little slice of heaven had ended after only four weeks of knowing they had created life.

She cried every night and even every day. At first, it was easy to allow him to hold her. The warmth of his arms had helped somewhat to ease the aching pain she felt with each breath. The enormity of the loss surprised her—she hadn't even felt this adrift when her mother had died. Every time she looked at Rick, it only hurt more. She knew he was heartbroken, too, and there was nothing she could do to fix that when she was in such a state herself.

So she pushed him away. This was something she had to deal with on her own. She convinced herself that he didn't understand, and by the time she realized how wrong she'd been, they'd already begun fighting and it no longer mattered.

Those months after the miscarriage had been the worst. She remembered trying so hard to find things to do that would keep her mind away from the loss—working out, throwing herself into her work, and sometimes even secluding herself in their darkened bedroom alone on those days it hurt the most. God help Rick, he'd stayed away like she asked despite the lost look in his eyes when he saw the dark circles under her eyes and her thin appearance. She couldn't penalize him for conceding to her wishes, especially considering the fact that sometimes she would sometimes wake up to find his arm tightly around her waist and his body cuddled against hers. She knew he was trying to support her in whatever ways he could, so she pretended not to notice. Looking back, she knew that this was what helped her the most to function again.

But once she did, everything had changed. He'd stopped trying to talk to her and barely spent his waking hours with her at all. When they were together, they were usually fighting. He spent more and more time in his study or away from home altogether. She wasn't even away he was writing a book until she read an article announcing its title: Cold Heat. This, of course, had led to a fight about how he hadn't told her, and then another about how he wouldn't let her read it until it was finished. Before she'd gotten the chance to crack the cover, the last threads holding their marriage together had broken.

She'd avoided him since that night. Anger had been a close companion at first, but it had slowly faded into sadness that it had come to this. She had fully expected to break into tears if they were left alone for too long or just break his jaw. So, when their eyes met at the elevator, she was surprised that none of her fears came true. Instead, she felt her heart skip a beat and her breath catch—that old familiar reaction she used to get when they'd spent some time apart. Quickly averting her gaze, she faced away from him, willing the elevator to move faster.

His question caught her off guard. "Have you read Cold Heat yet?"

She'd read the articles of a less than happy relationship between the two main characters in the latest Nikki Heat book, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where he got his inspiration. "I think I already know what it's about."

"You really should. It might surprise you,"

She chanced a look at him, but could think of nothing to say. Thankfully, the elevator's far-too-cheerful ding saved them from an awkward silence. Kate practically ran into the elevator, grateful when he did not follow. When the doors closed, she sighed in relief.

The next morning, she found herself staring blankly at paperwork as she contemplated the previous day. Not only had Rick done the unthinkable, offering her so many of their material things he'd known she'd come to adore, especially the house in the Hamptons. She knew he loved that place—possibly even more than she did—but he was offering it to her as part of the settlement. It spoke volumes to her: he didn't want to fight anymore. He was telling her that he wanted this to be over, and if that meant giving up a large portion of his own estate, he was willing to do it.

How was she supposed to take that? She'd spent all this time thinking he didn't love her anymore. She'd had to force herself to get over the only man from which she'd accepted a ring because of that belief. Now, his actions sang a different tune. Maybe she'd been wrong all along. Maybe he did still love her.

But what about Patty Lamont? If he still loved her, then why had he cheated? For the first time in months, she found herself really wondering if he'd been telling the truth. But how, when there were solid witnesses and those letters? She knew that if this were one of her cases, he'd come up with some story that might not make sense, but would possibly bring them one step closer to a solution. She found herself unconsciously smiling at the memory of his antics when he shadowed her.

"Well, there's something I haven't seen in a while," Esposito's voice came from across the room.

She came out of her reverie, focusing a half-hearted glare in his direction.

"Ah, there's the Beckett we know." He rose from his reclined position at his own desk and walked over to hers. Plopping down in Castle's old chair, he asked. "I know it's not the paperwork, so what's got you in such good spirits?"

"Nothing," she replied. Pausing, she debated whether or not to really tell him. He would probably manage to get it out of her eventually—and it would probably involve Ryan. She turned to him and decided to share. "Remember when we were would reach a dead end in one of our cases and Castle would come up with some crazy theory?"

She watched his expression go from curious to cautious in seconds. "Yeah…why?"

Smiling in reassurance, she explained herself, "I miss that sometimes. It always made things seem more…"

"Unexpected?"

"Yeah. I actually looked forward to hearing what he'd come up with sometimes," she mused, eyes losing focus for a moment.

Esposito was silent, and when she brought her eyes back to him, he looked pensive. "I was just wondering. Have you…read Cold Heat, yet?"

"No," she answered quickly, firmly, looking back at her paperwork.

"No, you haven't or no, you don't want to?"

She met his gaze coolly. "I really don't know."

"You really should." Esposito stood and made his way toward his own desk, stopping at Ryan's and picking up a book. "Ryan has been obsessed with Castle's books ever since he started shadowing you, so, of course, he got this one as soon as it came out." He handed it to Kate.

She stared at the cover with its bright letters and the usual silhouette of Nikki Heat. In her hands was the book that made her personal life go from just that to quite public. She'd known from the first moment she'd heard the title that it must be about them, no holds barred, and it hurt. He had promised her that nothing that strictly personal would make it into his books, and now this.

She almost missed Esposito's remark, "Look, I'm not saying you have to read it, but at least look at the dedication, okay?"

Her eyes flicked up to him, confused. Curiosity got the better of her, so she opened the hardcover to the proper page. What she read shocked her. The first part she knew by heart—they were engraved inside her wedding ring. The second half was an added aside that brought a pang of regret. His words were so simple yet so touching: "For my Nikki Heat—With everything the vows promised."

She felt tears threatening to fall, and quickly snapped the book shut. She looked over at Esposito, who had returned to his desk. He raised his brows and shrugged.

It was a message. He'd known she would read it—or at least assumed she would—and so he'd sent her a message that was clear without giving away everything to the world (although tabloids and page six had taken care of that, if she wanted to be completely honest). It wasn't an apology; it was a promise that he'd be waiting for her no matter what. More importantly, the book had been published before the book fair—before their fight. So, she found herself asking one very important question: why would he put something like that into a book if he had been having an affair?

Even if he hadn't, it didn't change the fact that their marriage had already been failing. Something like this just didn't go away over night, but maybe he'd been trying. Maybe she'd been wrong about him—about all of this.

That evening, she did something she hadn't done in years—she actually purchased a Richard Castle book.

As always, I ask that you tell me what you think! Reviews = candy, and I'm on a diet, so this is the closest thing I can get!