Bookends By: Bella's Executioner.

Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 you are agreeing to break your own ToS by reading this and I'm not your mother so be responsible for yourself.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner.

A/N: Bookends is the very first fanfiction I started writing. It's been on this site, moved and come back. It has errors, fuck ups and lots of proofs that I'm human but it also has all of my heart and soul in it. I welcome you into this world of pain and love and hope that you enjoy. I also welcome your thoughts as you read—pm me or review and I'll be happy to discuss the story with you.

Chapter 4: Time of confidences

-**-Bookends-**-

BPOV (Victoria)

I had only one full day left. Only 24 measly hours that I had to survive. I was that guy in the hot seat with one last question before the million dollars… And wham, Regis sideswipes me and I'm leaving with nothing… I found myself staring at expressionless faced nondescript bodies wearing the most god awful trendiest clothing standing in awkward poses.

And I wasn't talking about mannequins.

Runny and Renee had kidnapped me—I was going to find a security guard and insist on a drug test.

I think I was hit with chloroform in my eggs this morning.

Who knew that malls could have sales that never ended? Well, I guessed that charge-it Barbie and her anatomically deficient male clone probably knew. They walked with linked arms and skipped ahead of me.

At times like these I would stop and reflect on my many shortcomings. Was there something wrong with me that I couldn't just fit in? They weren't mean, they were just too much—but they wanted to include me. There were plenty of kids who were getting high in their basements right now because their parents had checked out long ago. I at least had a wanna-be parent trying to connect me with.

Renee held out her hand to offer me safe passage in to the club of child-parent bonding.

I could take. It looked like an easy thing to just hold someone's hand and giggle through the mall. My fingers actually twitched in anticipation of trying the experiment. A group of high-schoolers came running through the halls screaming and playing. One ran between Renee's offer and me. I leaned against the window of the shoe store to catch my breath.

It was invasion of the body snatchers in here. I was assimilating against my better judgment. Runny looked over his shoulder at me—real creepy like. Try as I might I would never be able to not get weirded out by that kid.

I blew out an awkward breath and scanned the store just to keep my eyes busy enough to not keep looking at the creepy staring. I caught a glance of my new public enemy number one.

Without a word to my muddies, Renee's nickname for mall buddies, I stalked into the shoe store. Em was checking out some cross trainers for practice when I found him.

"Jerk." I put on my best scowl and crossed my arms. I was very intimidating—at least in my head.

"Ease up," he laughed, not even bothering to look at me. The scowl was fierce, he was right to hide.

"Tell you what, I'll trade. You can go to the dress shop, the spa and eat the wezzeliest pretzel you can find. And I'll shop on my own for the things I want."

He smirked over his shoulder at me.

Note the fierce big brother. Hold the pose… wait for it… wait for it.

Em doubled over laughing. The shoe salesman looked very occupied with the merchandise just outside of our conversation.

"Sorry…" My moronic brother said through deep breaths. "Was that your 'fierce' look?" It was hard to maintain the appropriate level of steel when a guy as big as Em snapped his fingers and said "fierce" like a seasoned diva.

"Seriously Em," I looked over my shoulder and located the bopsy-blonds checking out unisex tap shoes.

"I am ditching them. You give me any less than a five minute head start and I will end you," I said each syllable slowly to emphasize how serious I was.

He tried to hide his snickers long enough to shake his head. I rolled my eyes and serpentined through the aisles to escape the ambiguously aged duo.

Once I was alone I ran through the open hallways like one of the other kids. It was probably silly looking—but I had spent the morning with a mother and son wearing matching t-shirts. Silly I could handle.

I ran down to the nearest nonboutique and jumped inside. It was a gloriously dim lit novelty shop that sold funky arts and crafts. It was completely off Renee's radar. I wondered if they had a bed in the back—I'd move in right now.

There was awesome stuff on display in the tiny space. I liked the abstract stuff—of course. I was by no means an art buff but like Alice's fashion and Edward's music I could tell you what I thought was nice.

There was a postcard sized print with purple and green flames fanning across it. I bought it immediately and fled the store before I started to cry. I didn't buy anything else in the mall that day. I didn't want anything that was sold in this place. It seemed only appropriate to have something pretty to look at in place of what I really wanted to see.

I sat down in a hidden corner, on a really comfortable couch, and pulled out the last picture Edward had sent me from my purse. The red flames in the corner of his drawing were a little smudged.

I'd spent the last five days trying to smooth them out.

I could tell he was hurting—and the fire was just that rage he kept on the surface to protect himself. But I was stupid enough to think that I could help douse those flames. I compared the purple flames to his red. The new postcard seemed so empty and detached. I didn't like it so much once I held it next to Edward's. I threw it away in the nearest garbage can and sulked around the mall aimlessly.

I wondered if they would call me or just leave and forget me here. It was tempting to hope for the latter. But I knew Em wouldn't let me get lost. I had my cell phone clutched in my hand. When in crowded places I put my phone on vibrate so as not to disturb people. My ringtones were an acquired taste. Depending on who was calling me one might hear the Star Wars theme, or dialogue from Monty Python movies. If my ringer was on when Renee called everyone in the mall would be treated to Barbie Girl.

I sat outside of the Disney store trying not to cry over spilt Edward. There was a picture of a princess in the window—her white knight riding in to save her. Like the silly girl I was, I wished it could be me. It was just as stupid as trying to hope my dad would wake up and just get it. Or wanting to hold Renee's hand. I just wasn't someone people got. I tried. Really hard. But no matter what I did—I eventually drove people away.

It was really dumb to wrap so many emotions around my Edward mail. He'd never promised me anything—and he didn't owe me anything. But it still stung. I wondered what I had written in my last update that was finale the nail. I kicked the beige linoleum with a scowl.

Doesn't matter. Suck it up.

Emmett was standing on the second floor dais shouting disgustingly offensive slurs in my direction. I didn't pay him any attention. It was annoying to Renee when people drew inappropriate attention to their self in public—so I let Emmett have his fun.

I smiled. I guess now it was Em's turn to be the one to always make me smile.

Keep it together idiot. You can cry when you get to your father's house.

I raised my hand above my head still staring at my feet and flipped my loud mouthed brother the bird. His bellowing laugh told me he saw and was on his way down. I sniffed at the not quite flowing tears and sucked it up for the car ride back to Dad's house.

-**-Bookends-**-

After our awkward second to last meal together I escaped to my room. I should have been packing but I played a couple of rounds of Tetris on my computer first. All of my crap was basically packed anyway.

After I made it to level 24 and nearly had an aneurism I shut off the game and starting surfing the net. Somehow I ended up on art sites—checking out abstract photos of swirling colors. And somehow my knees were pulled up under my chin while I masochistically continued to look at things that made me sad. The artwork was beautiful. But I was just an idiot.

The tears that I promised not to ignore once I was alone were starting to fall. I flipped on my word program and started to jot down the random shit that bothered me this week. I guess I could turn these into journal entries. The habit was too long-going to break now. I was completely dependent on the outlet of the letters to help me deal with my insanity. There was a tugging in my chest that told me to just go ahead and send it anyway. It would show him that my acceptance wasn't dependent on reciprocation. If I did everything in the hopes of something in return I really would be pathetic and lonely.

But I didn't need anyone—I was here for him whether he spoke to me ever again or not.

One little slight was hardly hardcore in the world of professional disregard. If he thought I was amateur enough to actually feel hurt that he had ignored me then he should take a number.

I am a rock! I am an island...Are you seriously quoting Simon and Garfunkel songs now Bella? I rolled my eyes.

But then how did that explain the tears? Hormones. P.M.S. Girl things...none of it had to do with Edward Masen. It wasn't like I was sitting here wishing that he would just know that I needed to hear his voice and then suddenly…

My rant was interrupted by my phone ringing.

"Well, that was rather unexpected." I held up my phone—blocked number. I scowled, Emmett liked to crank call me on my cell phone. I had one friend, one sibling, one parent. Thus giving me only three people who ever needed to call me. But I always answered the phone like every call was dire.

I prepared myself for the possibility of a prank. And I tried to sniff away my tear, clearing my voice as I answered.

"Hello…" God my voice was raspy and hoarse. You would almost think that the tears were real and Edward was affecting me.

There was no response. So I tried again. Charlie Brown always ran after the football more than once.

"Who is this?" I was trying to not sound interested. Em loved it when I sounded interested. Still no sound. That was new. Em was usually snickering enough I could hear it by now.

"Not funny Em." I scowled. I didn't like bullies and right now I didn't have patience for even my harmless big brother.

I heard a deep velvet chuckle on the other end of the line. I knew that laugh. My hands were like ice. My heart was racing. The tears were still falling unchecked.

"Edward?" I whispered. My breath escaped me.

"Yeah."

Good God his voice was so dreamy.

I couldn't deal with this. Why was he calling me? Why now!

"Wow," was my only brilliant response. I needed to get my think-then-speak engine checked out. I waited for him to explain himself. I paused my speaking, thinking and breathing to let him continue. Still nothing.

"Are you okay?"

Another long pause.

"No." His voice was rough. Was he crying?

I whispered "oh," and kept holding out hope that his brain was working better than mine. But without him speaking I was left spinning in my own mind. I forgot completely about why I was crying before and started crying now for the pain I heard in his strained response. I pulled in shallow breaths so that he wouldn't hear my tears.

Then out of nowhere he said "sorry," and the flood gate was open. I let out a tiny breath that hitched and I sniffed as the snot started running down from my right nostril. I knew what he was talking about. I knew that he didn't mean to forget me. I had no idea why he was calling me, or what hell he was trapped in but I knew he wanted me to hold his hand through it.

"Come home," was all I could say. I wanted him here—no I wanted him in Forks. I wanted us to be sitting in the tree house at the back of the adjoining Swan and Cullen properties. I wanted us to be sitting alone because Alice and Jazz were off playing dress up and Em and Jake were off playing football. Edward and I could just sit alone and not have to think. When we were alone we just were. We could sit for hours and not say a word. He would sketch and I would write.

And the world was peaceful.

He didn't say anything else. Occasionally I would make sure I hadn't dropped his call but mostly I just breathed in and out and thought of happier times. We sat like that for an hour. Never speaking, only being.

Then he mumbled something about Carlisle being there.

Damn, this must have been pretty bad.

He sounded a little sheepish when he apologized for talking to me on a stolen phone. Like borrowing someone's phone to call me was the worst thing Edward Masen had ever done. It made me giggle.

It was nice—to have the real source of my laugh reinstated. He hung up and even though he didn't say it, I knew I would see him when I got home tomorrow.

Two seconds later I'm Just a Girl starting playing from my phone. Alice. I picked up her call with anxious anticipation. All at once I was ready to pack—I wonder if it would be too weird to wait out at the curb all day tomorrow just in case they tried to leave without me.

Alice gave me the low down on Tanya's latest crap. Ten counts of misdemeanors and a couple of felonies involving the state of the boys' living conditions.

It pissed me off. I was glad she was back in jail but Edward would be feeling pretty shitty that Carlisle was there to bail them out—again. At least that's how Edward would see it.

I would see that Carlisle just wanted those boys to be happy and safe. He would probably adopt them himself in a heartbeat if it weren't for his little sister always getting out of jail just in the nick of time. Alice said that they were planning on coming by Victoria on their way back to Forks so we should expect them in an hour or so. She also mentioned that she had to hang up before they got to the jet because she wanted to see his face when Carlisle told him the surprise. Damn Alice and her theory about Edward and me.

I humored her and hung up. I was giddy and hyper after that. I wanted to run down stairs and just leave all my crap here. I wanted to be on the plane already. I felt goofy enough to consider tying a ribbon around myself to help Alice's allusion to me being some kind of gift made just for Edward.

And then all at once I was totally exhausted. I climbed in to my bed. I was just going to sit and relax until they showed up. The bed side lamp was still on—I had taken to just never turning it off by now. I was just lying back to keep from getting a cramp in my neck. Then I was just resting my eyes because the gentle sound of the fresh rain against my windows was soothing me.

Then I was dead to the world.

I was floating in velvet warmth. It was so comfy. So perfect. And it smelled delicious- rain kissed lilacs and honey.

I nuzzled into my pillow. It was the most delectable feeling- the warmth was firm but soft, and it circled around me with a concentrated heat from behind. I sighed.

The warmth chuckled.

I knew that laugh.

Edward.

A goofy ass grin spread across my face. My white knight had come to rescue me from the tower after all.

-**-Bookends-**-

EPOV (Victoria)

The house was dark when we got there. Carlisle had a nifty device on his headset in the jet that patched him through to landlines. They were expecting us at the Swan residence even though it was still very early in the morning.

Carlisle headed into the kitchen with that blond freak that Charlie called a new wife. The creepy boy with pansy-ass name was sitting on the couch watching me all creepy-like. The house was deathly silent except for a ticking grandfather clock at the top of the first flight of stairs.

I followed Carlisle and noticed Charlie in his study with his back to the door. He never spoke to us the whole time we were there- didn't give a shit that we were taking his kids a day early.

The creepy kid, Puny... I think that was his name, just kept staring with glazed eyes.

Fucking Christ! No wonder Bella hated this place. It was huge and obnoxiously empty.

"Which room's Bella's?" I asked in the middle of decrepit Barbie's monologue. Carlisle shot me a look but she waved up stairs and said, "second floor last door down".

I didn't hang around to catch the entire speech. I wasn't here for her.

I noticed Emmett's door open as I reached the second floor. He was packing his bags with a very deliberate finesse. Appearance was everything with Emmett. He threw me a smile as I passed his doorway. I wasn't really capable of being friends with most people. The fact that Emmett and I didn't throw down whenever we saw each other was a big fucking deal. But we weren't going to be chillin' together anytime soon.

Her door was so plain and sterile from the outside- nothing like the one she had at home that was covered in decoupage scrapes of magazine cutouts. I knocked softly a few times. I was suddenly very nervous. I could hear Jazz and Alice joining Emmett in his room. And from the corner of my eye I noticed the creepy boy standing on the top step staring around the corner at me.

Fuck me, he was just weird. I knocked again. No answer.

I gave up and tried the handle- Success. The room was totally dark but for the bedside lamp. The warm glow illuminated a sleeping beauty in the huge blood red colored bed. I stood, staring for a moment.

I knew that it had been a little over a year since I saw her, and granted she was still very kid-looking...scratch that she was still very much a kid period, but I couldn't believe that that was Bella. She stirred gently in her sleep. Her little face puckered and a little whimper escaped her lips. It was fucking... cute.

All at once I was moving toward the bed. Without thinking, I pulled back the covers and slid in behind her, like it was the most natural fucking thing in the world. And it felt really fucking natural too. She sighed as I inched closer to her. I saw the pucker melt into a lazy smile as she breathed deep. She burrowed into her giant pillow and that made me chuckle. With an ease that almost scared me to death, I encircled her little body in my arms.

That lazy smile spread into a goofy ass grin. She leaned back into me, peaking over her shoulder and opened her eyes slowly, like she was savoring the moment or some shit. Her green eyes were so damn happy and peaceful when they stared up into mine. It made me a little light headed to stare back.

Must be the hormones again, but I could feel that crooked smile slide across my face. And when my smile made her smile wider, I was fucking doing back flips inside my head. The need to do something stupid to make her laugh was clouding my judgment again.

I was too fucking comfortable in this bed with her in my arms. I reached down as if this was just our Sunday morning routine and did something really fucking stupid. I knew she was ticklish. Her brother was relentless when he wanted to be mean and had tickled her many times at family functions.

So I smiled at her in diversion and launched my attack to her right side.

It worked. She squirmed and laughed and tried to wiggle out of my arms. It just made me laugh while I watched. The more she squirmed the more I tickled and the more we danced like that the more it made us both laugh. Finally she twisted so far into my body that neither of us could move unless I released her.

Her eyes were filled with tears. Her cheeks were a pretty pink against her cream complexion. And I couldn't control myself as I took in the sight of her. With that same unexplainable familiarity I leaned down a planted a quick kiss on her lips.

I pulled back with a snap of my neck. Her eyes were wide. I could feel the terror in my own expression so the blank stare on her face was not helpful.

"Ummm…Sorry," I said and sat up in the bed, turning away from her.

"O-kay," she said like she was still kind of in shock. I was a little past shock and heading in to deer in the fucking headlights.

Without a word, she got out of bed and headed over to her opened suitcase on the floor. She rifled through a pile of clothes- I don't think she ever unpacked any of them during her stay here. I stared with inappropriate intensity. I was really looking at the pants.

Garfield, so Bella.

But when she straightened up and looked at me I realized that it looked like I was staring at her butt.

"Pants," was all my brilliant mouth could say. Fucking brain mouth disassociation- I was going to have to schedule a peace conference to bring them back together soon. If Tanya's lawyer was right, we would be starting school this fall at Forks High and that meant constant Bella communication.

Bella looked down at her pants and her neck joined her cheeks in blushing.

"Leaving," she said, pointing to the door and keeping up with the monosyllabic conversation. Once she was gone I continued to be the inappropriate prick and made my self at home in her room. It so wasn't Bella's room.

Alice might have been the most annoying little shit on the west coast, but she had her usefulness at times. She had lectured the Masen brothers, mainly Jazz, on the sanctities of female privacy.

Rule one: A girl's room is her oasis. It should reflect the inner beauty and secret desires of its owner. I looked around the room that cost an easy sixty-K and shook my head.

The sheets were all Bella and the built in recliner on the abnormally long sofa against the wall of windows was Bella. But everything else was just money. I walked over to her desk.

Was that the new iBook. Damn. And don't think that the forty-two-inch plasma on the wall had missed my attention. The walls were bleeding pretension, which is probably why Bella painted the henna stencil all over them.

I smiled as I raised my hand to touch the swirls of deep chocolate brown—the same shade as my eyes. I had sent her a lot of my own work that looked like this. My finger traced one long rope that curled into another. It made me mad to think about my art right now.

Bella was taking a long time in the bathroom. I scowled at the door as if that would make her suddenly appear. Alice hadn't gotten around to ladies and restrooms sermon… yet.

I figured she would be a while longer—she looked kind of unprepared for our arrival. I walked over to her dresser to confirm my suspicions. Sure enough, they were empty. Bella's three oversized pieces of luggage were thrown on the floor with the lids open and everything she coveted hanging over the edges or piled in a heap. I decided to be useful so I crouched down and started to pack for her.

I made a quick case of the joint and saw that there was nothing lying around—guess everything really was right here in her bags. I shoved all the nonclothing items back in to the giant duffle bag because that was what it was piled on top of. Then I fought with her extra pairs of shoes, hats and coats in the second bag. Her giant suitcase was more difficult due to the fact that her clothes would not fit without folding all of them—and there were a lot of them. That fact Alice had covered. Something about always being prepared… Girl Scout motto… bullshit. I grabbed handfuls of clothes and piled them on the floor next to me. I would have to work from the ground up. I folded her heavy sweaters and was half way through her shirts with a tiny red lacy piece pulled out of a pair of her pants.

I didn't really get the chance to look at it. Though I made a mental note to do some research on line—it was a VS product. I had just registered that it was in my hand and held it up when Bella's door opened.

I'm not sure if I was more terrified that it would be Emmett, or Charlie, or even Carlisle but I hadn't considered the horrific possibility that it would be the very person who owned the delicates. Bella stood with her hand on the doorknob and the weirdest half scowl-half look of terror on her face. I was now the deer being taken to the taxidermist.

Road-fucking-kill.

Great. Get in bed with a girl, touch her without permission, kiss her without intention, ogle her ass while she wasn't looking and then get caught fondling her underwear while you were alone and do it all in less than twenty minutes. And lest we forget to mention that I did it all with an eleven year old.

Fucking perv.

"Packing."

"Right." She shrugged it off and dropped her toiletries bag into the top of the shoes and coats bag. She didn't say anything about the random pervert exhibition that I was currently starring in. She would fold something and hand it to me to put in the case.

It was weird. But then, that's why I always liked being around Bella. She shied away from normal.

"I think that's it. Thanks."

She crawled on top of the suitcase to secure the zipper and I suppressed a chuckle. She started to try to balance all three pieces in her tiny arms.

"I've got these two," I said trying to sound chivalrous but failing because white knights don't leer at eleven year olds.

"Thanks," she said shyly and that adorable blush was turning her ears pink again.

We met Emmett and my family at the entrance. Renee and that damn creepy kid were standing by the couch looking all dopey eyed that the kids were leaving. Bella slung the duffle across her chest and awkwardly made her way over to them.

It was like a car accident that you just couldn't look away from—at least that was my defense for again encroaching on her privacy. But Renee threw her arms around Bella like a mother hen swaddling her young chick. The creepy boy patted her shoulders and actually looked a little choked up that she was going away too. Bella reached in to her pocket, like Jane Goodall pulling out treats for a pack of Gorillas. She gave the boy some sort of hair product and Renee a small box that looked like it would hold a nice pair of earrings. They must have drugged her and kidnapped her to the mall.

Bella pulled away from the scene a little less awkward but still not quite as easy as she would have from her own mother and brother. She threw a beseeching glare at Emmett and he waved from the door. Everyone turned to head out after that.

But Bella was two steps behind. Renee and the boy had already headed back in to the deeper parts of the house.

I watched Bella watch them.

Her eyes were sad for some reason I didn't understand. Then I turned to see the boy walk into Charlie's office. I could hear Charlie's boisterous voice rising as he fell into a passionate conversation with his wife's son. That was the first time I realized that Charlie hadn't come out to say goodbye. I turned back to Bella in time to see her mask the pain that twisted her face. I looked away before she caught me invading again. I held the door for her and as she passed me I took her hand in mine without speaking.

I held her hand as we walked out into the rainy morning light. And I sat next to her in the taxi with her hand still clutched tightly in mine. When I pulled her into the seat next to me on the jet I loosened my hold because I saw my knuckles were turning white with the intensity of my grip. But I didn't let go.

If I did one thing right in my life from now on it was going to be showing Bella that she wasn't alone just like she had always done for me.

I promised myself that as I peered out of the corner of my eye and watched her enjoy the flight and smile whenever she glanced at our entwined fingers.

I promised my self. I would not fuck this up.