A/N: Hey guys! WARNING the beginning of this chapter is very depressing. Dimitri's fallen hard after Rose and Lissa both bitched him out, just keep that in mind. And plus he doesn't know Rose has left yet! Lissa knows because of the note and not finding her anywhere, but Dimitri hasn't talked to or seen anyone except his guards since Lissa yelled at him. This will make more sense later, promise.

I've also added in a new character: "Daniil" (it's a version of the name 'Daniel') You'll notice Dimitri sometimes refers to him as "Danik", that's his russian nickname. Enjoy!

"Some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul." -Ezra Taft Benson

DPOV

I finished my last meal and dropped it to the floor. The body made a soft thump as it rolled onto the dancing platform. I wiped the blood off my mouth with the back of my hand and licked the remnants off. I smirked at the twenty bodies that were littered before me in the small room. If I closed my eyes, I could still hear their wondrous screams and smell their intoxicating fear and feel their life fade and pour into mine.

I moaned in contentment. My senses were heightened, I had more strength. I felt more powerful.

Nathan said wedding receptions were the best place to feed and I couldn't agree more. This one had been quite small for my appetite and human blood wasn't as satisfying or as sweet as moroi or dhampir blood. I shrugged, I would find more time later to feed again. Not to mention I would sip on Rose soon anyway.

A growl erupted from my chest at the thought of her. Galina was getting impatient with me and had bumped up the deadline to awaken Rose. I don't really see the point in waiting for her permission anymore. All I had to do was bite her like we already do but unlike other times, I would continue to drink until I drained her. Afterwards I just had to simply feed my blood into her.

But there was always something holding me back from actually going through with it. There was a whisper in my head of my old self. He didn't want Roza to be turned, he didn't want to hurt her... I shook my head. Sometimes when I was alone and thought of Rose, that whisper would grow louder and I didn't like it. I used to be a blinded fool before I was awakened and now I saw things with clarity. I didn't want that whisper in my head muddling up my thoughts and logic. And that's when I would binge drink, like I just did.

When I fed, that whisper faded away. It no longer bothered me. I abruptly left the ballroom searching for a scent. I picked up speed when I easily found one. I opened a door that led to an alleyway. I saw a Moroi man walking down the narrow space, he seemed to not notice me. Within a split second I stalked over to him and grabbed a hold of his throat as I pushed his body up against the brick wall.

A look of pure terror and shock spread across his face. I grinned widely exposing my fangs as I gripped his throat more firmly. His limbs flailed around him as he gasped for a single breath. I chuckled, that wasn't going to happen. I clamped down more tightly as my fingers bore dangerously close to piercing the flesh and severing his artery. The pulse in his neck kicked roughly in my hand.

The thick throbbing of his erratic heart was enjoyable. I didn't want to bite him just yet, the scent of fear alone was almost as pleasurable as taking blood. My mouth started to water as I drew my fangs closer to his neck. Stop this now, the whisper faintly echoed in my head. I loosened my grip on the man's neck as my body became rigid from the voice. I thought I'd gotten rid of it, but apparently not. You don't want to do this, it commanded. I hissed at the remark, it didn't control me. To prove my point, in one swift thrust my fangs dug into the neck and than annoying whisper faded away again as I fed...

I lurched upward in bed breathing hard. I glanced to the left to find the bed's pillows and sheets ripped to shreds. It was just a dream, I told myself but it wasn't. It was a memory of the nightmare I once lived in. I involuntarily pressed a finger in my mouth to check for fangs. The callous skin slid over flat teeth and I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

I forced my body off the bed and into a standing position. I was drenched in a cold sweat but I could care less. I walked over to the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom. I turned the tap on and brushed cold water over my face as I took deep breaths to calm myself. But the suffocating anguish drowned me unmercifully.

I felt my body slump to the tiled floor as every molecule of my soul burned painfully. Why hadn't I listened to that voice? I was so close to gaining control of my body that night, but I failed. I would of given anything in the world to be staked or burned alive that night. I killed so many innocent people.

I watched myself murder them in cold blood as my body was being possessed. Becoming strigoi was the most bloodcurdling, cruel thing to ever happen to me. The entire time my soul was buried deep within my body clouded in a dark fog. The fog was paralyzing and I could do nothing but catch glimpses of the terrible things that monster was doing.

And the worst part in all of that was Rose... I love her so much but what I did and wanted to do was unforgivable. My breathing became hitched just thinking of her...

It's been almost a week since I've seen or heard from Valisa or Rose. I've been working hard to stay away from the both of them. I was currently on a human schedule just to make sure I didn't run into them.

I kept to myself, locked away in the apartment. I spent my days tormenting myself with the memories of all I did over the past few months. I was bored in this apartment and my body ached from no physical exercise. So I spend all night working out in the gym the complex had conveniently below my apartment.

My body still hadn't adjusted to the less strength I had. Strigoi had immense strength- so when I went to lift weights for the first time again I nearly killed myself in the process. This was something I was secretly thrilled and disappointed in. I was never a man to fantasize over suicide, but I was weak now. And the dark thoughts would occasionally run through my mind.

I worked out long and hard, I even got to visit one of the outdoor running tracks as well. I hardly ever ate or slept, I still wasn't used to a normal sleeping pattern. And I would mostly wake up every other day after a nightmare or memory like I just had. I would quickly drift into an unsettling insomnia where I would fear the sleep where my thoughts were unguarded and I was taken whole. Completely consumed in torture.

That's how my 'routine' has been. Avoid everyone, workout at night until I collapsed and starved until my body screamed in fatigue all while I writhed in my agonizing memories and guilty.

I flinched remembering how I had broken down and called Rose five days ago...

The princess had just left my apartment, the mask I had been gripping onto slipped off. I slumped back down to the couch, my limps felt heavy as my body sagged from my the weight of guilty that was pressing down on my shoulders. I never thought I could ever hurt this bad before.

Every word the princess spoke was truth. I didn't deserve the second chance at life I was given. Had I died, Rose could of moved on and be happy. Now she was in misery by my hand because of how I've pushed her away and hurt her with those awful words.

I leaned into the couch, my eye lids felt heavy. I still hadn't adjusting to sleep yet, so under all of the stress of the past few hours, my body collapsed in fatigue...

I found myself standing in an elegantly decorated room. There was a sitting area, large four post bed, some type of elaborately hand-carved dresser armoire. I stiffened as I heard a rustling noise coming from inside the room connected with this one.

I cautiously approached the smaller room to find that it was a bathroom. I saw a beautiful woman dressed in a dark purple silk dress that fit the curves of her body perfectly. Her brown hair was styled in curls cascading down her slender body.

I walked up to her, she swirled around immediately as if she could sense me coming. She had the most beautiful face I'd ever seen, but as I studied her closely, those pretty facial features where twisted into a look of shock and fear.

As she had turned, her long curly hair was flicked back exposing her neck. I felt my stomach become contorted into a painful knot as I saw all the bruised bites marks that were scattered across her neck. "Dimitri", she murmured barely audible.

Dimitri, this monster wasn't him. I'm the real Dimitri. How could she confuse me with this beast? Hold on a minute, this doesn't feel right. What's that sound? It sounds like some kind of drumming beat and it has a scent too? Wait-

All of the sudden that monster grabbed her roughly by the arms and bit into her delicious neck. NOOO! I screamed in protest until the monster's logic overwhelmed me.

Everything made sense again-yes, of course this is me...

My body jerked itself alert as I sucked in a breath. Oh no, no no no. This didn't happen, I begged myself that what I just experienced was only a dream. But no, it wasn't. It was my very own worst nightmare that had come true. I did such terrible things to Roza.

I was never the kind of man to weep, but right now I found myself shedding silent tears. I knew I screwed up whatever hope our relationship held, but I couldn't stand the thought of not having her near me. I had to go find her. I had to reach out to her somehow mend this mess I had made.

I reached out and grabbed the phone that was on the coffee table. I found Rose's number and tried calling her. Her voice sang through the line as her voicemail message aired. I could feel sorrow's iron hands pulling at me. Forcing me down deeper into a dark pool of pain with each aching second that past by. The message finally ended and I launched into a jumble of pleas:

"Roza I am so sorry. I never meant to do those things I did to you. I tried so hard to stop myself but I couldn't control it. Please, you have to forgive me, I... I need you like you'd never believed to just forgive me..." my voice started to choke and I didn't know if I could continue. But I had to try. "Please believe me, I never wanted any of it to happen. I love you so so much, Roza I can't..."

I immediately slammed the phone down. What did I just do?

Since then I've acted like it never happened. I was so ashamed at how much I depended on her strength. I needed her so badly that night, but she wasn't there to comfort me. How could she be? I was the one to push her away. I tried to block the memory out with physical exercise but it wasn't distracting me...

I was suddenly startled out of my thoughts as a loud knock emulated from the other side of the bathroom door. I stood up quickly and wobbled slightly, I couldn't remember the last time I ate and from the look of my bloodshot eyes and bags underneath them, I was going to have to force myself to eat something soon.

Bang, bang, bang...

I grumbled at the door but gripped the knob and jerked it open just as I nearly missed a blow to my head as the person who had been knocking had their fist ready to bang the door again. I grimaced, it's a shame I dodged...

"Well you look like shit!" Danik remarked cheerfully to me. Guardian Daniil Motkova was one of my long time good friends. His parents were Russian and he used to attend the academy with me and Ivan when we were younger back home, but his father relocated to the states. He ended up graduating from an American academy and landed himself a court assignment.

I was both relieved and troubled to find out he was one of my guards. It was nice to see an old friend, but it made me feel homesick. I quickly brushed the thought aside, I didn't deserve to go back home. I simply gave him a blank stare in return. He nodded his head, "If you're done throwing a pity party for yourself in there, you've got a visitor."

He turned away from me and strode down the hallway expecting me to follow. And reluctantly I did.

"You certainly know how to attract the ladies Belikov," he said over his shoulder. I rolled my eyes over that comment. Danik was always the kind of person to make comedic jabs at the most awkward of times. I shook my head remembering my public questioning earlier in the week where one of my interrogators, Reece I believe was the name, asked a ridiculous question about my eyes. Daniil slipped up on his guardian protocol and stifled a laugh at the senseless question. That was always one of his bad habits, he never could keep a straight face.

Any shred of easygoingness left my mind as I noticed Tasha Ozera standing in the middle of the living room of the apartment.

"Dimka!" she shouted as she practically tackled me down to the ground. I faltered slightly from fatigue but I gripped her shoulders to steady us both and I pulled out of the hug before I collapsed. Tears brimmed her wintry blue eyes as she placed her palms on either side of my cheeks.

"It really is you..." she trailed off as she sniffled. At first I was taken off guard by the sudden contact but Tasha was a good friend of mine too and I even used to kind of be interested in her, but that all changed when I met Roza... I mentally scolded myself for thinking of her.

I embraced Tasha in a real hug to which a sob escaped her mouth. I rubbed her back as I said in a soft voice, "Yeah it's me. It's good to see you again Таша." I pronounced her nickname in Russian. She always loved it when I said it that way. This only made her sob harder.

I eyed Daniil from the corner of my eye. He was good friends with Tasha as well. He glanced at me for a brief moment before he turned to the two other guardians in the room. He whispered something to them and they gave him a curt nod before walking off to other sections of the apartment leaving me and Tasha with some privacy.

He stayed and simply leaned against a far wall near the kitchen and crossed his arms. I smiled back in gratitude, he winked just before he started to stare off into space pretending to tuned out me and Tasha.

I guided her towards the couch where she continued to latch onto me as if I might float away if she let go. After a few minutes, she composed herself and disentangled herself. She wiped her now puffy eyes and smiled back at me.

I forced a warm smile directed for her ,I hadn't seen her in so long. I didn't feel awkward around her now, but I knew this great show of courage to keep a brave face wasn't going to hold up for much longer. "So how's your teaching going?" I asked lightly to break the silence.

She gave an airy laugh as she said, "Only you Dimka would ask how I'm doing after you're the one who's come back from the undead." I know she was trying to lighten the mood, but I automatically flinched from her words. I didn't want to discuss it.

Picking up on my mood swing, she clasp one of her hands into mine. I didn't pull away as she gently said, "Sorry I didn't mean to upset you. The kids are on break now so I'll be teaching a few summer classes." I gave her a small smile in response.

Suddenly Daniil animated back to life, "Oh yeah Tash, I forgot you teach 'kah-rah-tay' to badass little eight years old humans! How's that working out for you?" his voice dripped with sarcasm. Maybe now's a good time to mention, when I said Daniil and Tasha were good friends, I meant they enjoyed harassing one another with endless sarcastic banter.

Tasha lifted her free hand up and flicked a small quarter sized fire ball directly at his face, he batted it away with his hand but he flinched as some of it singed his skin.

"Whoa there fire-crotch, I was just trying to lighten the mood!", he said with a smirk on his face.

"You're a crappy guardian, how was it again that you managed to get this job?" she hissed.

"With my mad ninja skills and charming good looks of course!" he beamed as he wiggled his eyebrows at her. I swear if it wasn't for the fact that Tasha was on the move to set him on fire again, I'd say they were a perfect match. People do say opposites attract. He was the charismatic, laid-back one where as she was the fierce, serious one.

They complemented each other nicely. Maybe if they weren't always trying the piss each other off, they might make a nice couple. Despite my wrecked life, my friends at least could have their happy ending. I'd have to mention something to Danik later on...

Before I could continue my musing Tasha let up a loud sigh, "Whatever, you're not worth torching up today." She turned her attention back to me.

I watched Daniil glance at Tasha slowly before he went back to being stone silent. I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my chest. I shouldn't be here to ruin their normal lives, my pathetic future, if I even had one, wasn't going to ever be normal ever again. Not without Roza...

It felt like I had minutes left until I couldn't hold my mask up anymore. Tasha's thumb gently rubbed a circle on my hand. I abruptly removed my hand from her. I couldn't do this. The only hand I wanted caressing mine is the one I can never have anymore.

My mask crumpled at that moment. I knew Tasha was a good person, but I just didn't see her in a romantic way and right now, with a touch like that, it was obvious she still wanted to be more than just friends. I quickly stood up from the couch to distance myself from her, I saw a flicker of hurt twinge in her eyes but she quickly covered it up.

"Tasha, I'm sorry. I- I need to be alone now. Maybe I'll see you another time..." I trailed off as I noticed she was glaring at me now.

"You know what Dimitri, maybe that's not such a good idea."

I gave her a confused expression.

"After you break up with her and she attacks you like a feral animal, you still pine away for her." She stood in front of me now.

"What? Tasha, what are you talking about?", this was starting to worry me. Sure Tasha was hot-headed in a Moroi courtroom, but around friends? She never lashed out.

"Oh don't give me that bullshit Dimitri. You know exactly who I'm talking about. Your little slut you used to mentor." she hissed as she gave me a penetrating glare before stalking over to the front door of the apartment, where she jerked it open catching the guardians on duty outside off guard. The last thing I heard was the crash of the door being slammed shut.

"Like I said, you've got a way with woman." Daniil snarkily added in the awkward silence...

It's been an hour since Tasha stormed out of the apartment. Since then I've done nothing but retreat to the bedroom to sulk. How did my life get so bad? One minute I'm making love to my soulmate, the next thing I know, I wake up a monster and then I'm pushing away my only salvation and friends. I felt broken.

A strong arm gripped my shoulder and I jumped. I was too lost in thought to notice someone had entered the room. I glanced up to see Daniil giving me a grim look, "You've been summoned to the Guardian Counsel Building, Guardian Croft would like a private meeting with you." I nodded my head.

"And dude, do us all a favor and SHOWER. Your meeting isn't for another hour. So hop to it!", and like a bolt of lightening, he left the room...

Turns out I did need a shower after all. Just not as dramatically as Daniil had made it seem. I knew he was just trying to cheer me up, but there was no hope. I had taken a quick shower and shaved. I had recently acquired a few pieces of new clothing, so I looked presentable to whatever this meeting was about.

I trudged along with my five escorts as we crossed a large courtyard. "WHAT did you say to her!", I heard an angry female voice screech as my group pasted by a small sitting area off to the side. It was Princess Valisa yelling at Ivashkov. No matter what I told Rose, I still hated even knowing the fact he was dating her.

He muttered something to her and that seemed to set her off more, but before she continued her shouts, she turned her head and stared directly at me. "YOU!" she hissed. Oh no, this can't be good. I suddenly felt very cold. I was locked in her gaze as I unexpectedly started to feel hundreds of tiny sharp prickling shadows gnaw at my flesh. I was frozen where I stood. The only thing I could do was stare into her eyes and endure the shooting pain.

And then as soon as it came, I was released of her hold and the pain vanished. I watched as Christian Ozera, Tasha's nephew, grab a hold of her arms as he whispered something in her ear and dragged her away from the courtyard with Ivashkov quickly following. He cast me a glare before he turned his back and started to jog up to them.

What was that about? I didn't have much time to dwell on it seeing as I was ushered away before I caused a commotion...

I sat down in an old creaking wooden chair in a dusty small room. It appeared to have been used as a storage room once but had been long since neglected. I involuntarily sneezed as the door to the room suddenly swung open.

In walked Guardian Croft with a folder is his hand. " Gesundheit" he gruffly said, "I suppose strigoi don't sneeze do they?" he asked as he sad down on an old leather chair than stood across from me on the other side of the table. He had a small glint of humor in his eyes as if he were making a joke.

"Besides charmed silver, I don't think they have allergies. Or at least not from what I remember" I replied.

The glint dissolved away as he gave me an emotionless, blank stare. With all humor lost, he slipped into guardian mode. "Do you know why, Mr. Belikov, I summoned you here?"

I grimaced and shook my head in response. "Interesting..." he said as he opened up his folder and started laying photos out before me. I sucked in a breath, they were photos of the fight in the church with Rose.

"These", he said as he placed the final few before me, "are photos taken from the surveillance footage recorded five days ago of you and Guardian Hathaway." A small part of me surged with pride hearing Rose's guardian title. After all she's been through, she graduated and became a guardian, I couldn't be more proud of her. I only wished I could of been there for her on the ceremony day...

"Eh hem, Mr. Belikov did you hear me or are you hard of hearing now?" I flinched, I hadn't noticed he spoke to me again. "Sorry", I said.

"As I was saying, can you confirm that you did indeed see Guardian Hathaway at this location at this time on this date?" he asked while pushing a piece of paper towards me with the information sprawled across it. "Yes", I said. Why did he want a witness statement from me?

And as if he could read my mind he asked, "And can you confirm that you were amongst the group of people who last saw Guardian Hathaway before her disappearance?"

"Disappearance?" I asked. What was this, some kind of joke to test my emotional responses or something?

"Yes, I'm sure you're aware that Hathaway's been missing for almost a week now and-"

"Actually no I wasn't aware of it", I cut in. He glowered at me for cutting him off but that was the last thing to concern me right now. A painful rush of cold waves engulfed my body as my heart stopped beating. In this moment the world no longer mattered. I felt time cease to tick as a chilling voice echoed silently in my head the words I didn't want to believe: Roza's gone...

Woman waiting in the shadows

I silently snickered as I waited behind the tree's shadow. My servant was trembling like the coward he was behind me. I menatly made note, that once I was done here, he'd make a tasty snack for my long trip back home. I stiffened as the scar-faced moroi made her way towards the dimly lit sidewalks, edging closer and closer to where I was hidden.

And just then, she passed by at the perfect moment. I grabbed her by the throat, clamping enouh pressure so she couldn't scream, but not so much to snap her neck. I jerked her body towards me and rammed her head against the tree trunk.

In a flash I dragged her limb body to my car. Miles popped the trunk and I tossed the body in. It was time Ms. Ozera and I got aquianted...

A/N: dun dun dun... Okay, I couldn't resist writing another anonymous POV. So what do you think? Review and tell me!

~Fabulous