Bookends By: Bella's Executioner.
Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 you are agreeing to break your own ToS by reading this and I'm not your mother so be responsible for yourself.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner.
A/N: Bookends is the very first fanfiction I started writing. It's been on this site, moved and come back. It has errors, fuck ups and lots of proofs that I'm human but it also has all of my heart and soul in it. I welcome you into this world of pain and love and hope that you enjoy. I also welcome your thoughts as you read—pm me or review and I'll be happy to discuss the story with you.
Chapter 15: Verses out of rhythm
-**-Bookends-**-
APOV (Cullen kitchen five minutes before Esme tries to leave.)
Damn it's cold out there tonight!
Oh… he has mood music playing in the background. Always thinking that father of mine… Wonder what… NO! Don't listen to dad wooing his one true love! Ha! I'm so glad he finally is making a move. Sure burry it under the need to have Edward home but don't think you're fooling anyone Carlisle Cullen. You have the hots for Ms. Swan in a way that rivals the lust that your would be son has for his Swan…
Damn. Where did I put that apple? Em is packing the food for the late night picnic. There won't be anything healthy in that basket. Condoms and beer are probably all he'll pack for him and J. Disgusting male!
Ahh... there it is.
"How can you do that! It's illegal!"
Damn… what the hell was going on in there…
Don't do it Alice. You know better than to do it. You know where your curiosity leads you…
I saw that bastard's face in my mind again. Saw James and Victoria fighting and James heading down the garden. It was something about his old life in Vancouver…. Something about this place that sounded very familiar to me. I followed him. Stupid. Really fucking stupid. But I had to know… What did he know about the Marshall Home for Orphans?… I knew a whole fucking lot about that hell hole… I was just curious to know his story.
But I never got the chance to ask.
"Mary?... is that really you?"I shivered. He couldn't fucking mean who I thought he meant. "Ahh… Vicky's little bitch assistant." Well that was more than rude. She was hardly someone above me in this business…
"You must be Alice… yes…Cullen…"Creep. Why the fuck did I follow him out here all alone?
"You know, you look like her…"What? I was frozen with wide eyes as he approached me. Run Alice. Stay Alice. Who was he talking about?
"You look so much like your mother…"His hand gripped my dress strap. Where was Jazz? What did he mean… my mother? There were never any records of her anywhere. I didn't exist before I was left on that doorstep.
"Do you taste like her too?"He leaned down to really dominate me.
Taste like her… No, but you can taste my fist in your lip asshole!
I shook just thinking about it. There were too many damn secrets I was trying to find the answers to these days. And all of them reminded me of that moment in the darkness in the garden… reminded me of all that shit I repressed when I came to live here.
I clutched the apple tightly in my hand. I didn't need to know anymore secrets. It shouldn't be my burden to bear. But I couldn't help it… I had to know.
Esme slammed her fist on the table. I squeaked a little as leaned against the kitchen door to listen in. Dad could fight better than anyone—a damn lion with emotion and words.
"Alice is my daughter! You know that!"
HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF GOD!
He wasn't just saying that. It was true. That asshole was right…
The apple hit the floor only seconds before I was on my knees with my hands colliding with the granite tile. My breaths were coming sharp and fast… my mind was spinning. But my hearing was crystal clear…
"Mary sent her to that hell hole when she hooked up with that asshole all those years ago!" That asshole—I could still see his face. That asshole knew her… knew what the fuck he was talking about that night in the garden… Fuck.
"I WILL NOT LOSE HER AGAIN!" What did it mean? Why did he lose me in the first place? How could he still lose me now?
My hands gripped the sides on my hair. I wasn't Alice Cullen right now—I was scared Alice no name in the darkness of that orphanage. I was the frightened little girl who didn't want to tell anyone she needed to get up because she didn't want to get beaten again. I was the little girl who wet her bed to spare the skin on her ass from bleeding for just one night. I was rocking on my knees… practically sobbing with my silent terror.
"If I had let you do any of that to him… if you do anything to him now… it will revoke my right to her too. She's my own fucking daughter and I'm at their fucking mercy to let me keep her! You know that, Esme!" Edward… he was gone because of me! Don't fucking put that on my shoulders right now… I couldn't fucking take it. I needed someone to take me on their shoulders instead. He can't keep me… claim me… I don't even belong to my own fucking father! My cry was silent but it contorted my face in the rage and anguish. Did everyone know about this nonexistence of the lost Cullen child but me? Did J know? Did Jazz? Fuck Jazz. My cousin… for real?
My guts were churning. My tears were falling silently on the kitchen floor.
"Don't fucking do this." He whispered. I couldn't agree more. I collapsed against the floor. My face buried in my tiny hands. I wept.
Wept for the innocence stolen from me as I was from my father. Wept for that bitch of a mother belonging to me. Wept for the nights of being tortured with a car battery and an old rusty tub before I was six years old. Cried for my father's pain. Sobbed for Edward's misplaced family identity—I could finally truly feel that pain. Pined for the knowledge that Jazz and I could no longer be.
But mostly I wept for finally finding her… the real Alice Cullen. She had been lost for so long. For a very long time she never existed at all. And for the last four months she had been fighting to break through but locked in the darkness. Now she could breathe. Now she could live.
But what kind of life would it be?
-**-Bookends-**-
Esme POV
I moaned again as he ran his hands down my shoulders. Carlisle had touched me thousands of times throughout our lives… had his touch ever felt like this before? I doubted it. This was pure electricity. And it was searing my skin with raw desire.
My hands gripped his blond thick hair as his hands cupped under my ass. I gasped at his sheer strength—he lifted me up and slammed me against the door again. My legs could do nothing but naturally secure around his waist. My shoes fell to the floor forgotten.
Damn!
He was stealing all of the air from my lungs. Causing my head to get even lighter… how was he doing that? His tongue was almost torturous on my neck. Shit… his teeth and his lips were making me come alive in ways I never had before.
"Esme…" He breathed against the base of my throat. I could only offer a throaty grunt in reply. I plunged my fingers deeper in his hair- gripping the silky strands… he had the best damn hair.
My toes were kind of curling against his calves. And no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't catch my breath.
"Are you sure about this…" His voice was sending sinful vibrations against my ear. Shit! He wanted me to function enough to think?
"Ah huh!" I sort of moaned. I couldn't get enough air to really speak.
"This isn't about anything else… for me." He kissed the flesh under my ear. Shit—this could be totally about using me I didn't give a crap right now! This was more than I had ever felt. More consuming. Powerful. I was nearly wild from what his skin was doing to mine. I didn't care right now!
"I know…" I lied. All I really knew right now was that I was totally his. If he wanted me to drop to my knees and take him into my mouth I'd do it—I just needed to feel him against me… forever.
He slid me down so that our eyes were level. Shit—his eyes. Our breaths were labored and mixing in the air between us. He looked down at my lips. I kind of whimpered a plea for his to return to mine.
He went back to starring in to my eyes. His hands cupped my face and his thumb ran along my bottom lip as he spoke. "This is about you and me." I darted my tongue out to taste his thumb as it passed. He sucked in his breath when my wet hot tongue met his flesh. I drew it into my mouth as he continued to insist on speaking. "No conditions." Suck. Damn you taste good Dr. Cullen. And these fingers… I bet they can do more than just save a life. "Nothing outside of us…I…" Nip. Oh… do you like it when I bite you? Looks like you do…
"I don't want you to think I'm using you."
"Why…" I purred. I leaned forward and drew his earlobe in between my teeth. He hissed as he sucked in another hard breath. "I'm planning on using everything you've got."
He slammed me against the door again… it was rather exhilarating. I never thought I'd like hard sex. Charlie was a wimp… to say the least. And the one and only time that I had given in and slept with my off and on boyfriend, Billy Black, it was out of loneliness. When the accident happened he told me it was over anyway… but even he had to know that I was burning for someone else.
Something more.
Carlisle's amazing physician hands squeezed my breasts roughly. Damn… did all of his patients get such thorough attention? It was like he knew exactly what I needed.
"Where?" he asked. My eyes that were closing out of pure sensation shot open as his request. Where else could you do it?
"What?" I said. My body sort of froze as I tried to figure out what he was asking. I might have had two kids… but I was beginning to get the feeling that I was moving in to unfamiliar territory with this man.
Why did it not surprise me to think that Carlisle was a sex god?
He laughed. His hands stroked my cheeks to ease my tension. It worked. I was melting in to him again—the question almost completely forgotten.
He laughed again. I must have looked like a drunken horny teenager. "Here…" He ran his eyes down the length of my body and I felt my skin blaze in the trail that he made down me. His eyes stopped on the floor and he pointed down to our feet. He cast his eyes back to mine without turning his head. They were wicked and his crooked smile was filled with promises.
My idiot mind finally caught on. Where did we want to take each other?
"Or…" he purred. And he turned his head slightly toward the stairs. He turned back to me and those damn eyes were hypnotizing me again.
"Where?" He breathed. His hands returned to my cheeks and his lips trailed down my chest.
I rolled my eye. Decisions? Really? Was he fucking kidding me? He could take me on the dinning room table… there was an image that was only going to stroke the fire.
"I'm waiting Esme?" He demanded. I gasped as he took my taut nipple in between his lips. Even through the layers of the blouse and my bra I could feel the heat from his tongue.
This time I slammed my own head back against the door.
His tongue stroked me back and forth.
Think Esme.
Back and forth.
Feels so fucking good.
Back and forth.
My hands were gripping his hair harder—pressing him against me. Don't ever move.
"Esme…" He warned against my chest. I moaned. My mind wasn't capable to think right now. "I'm not a patient man." He nipped his teeth over the tip of my nipple.
I nearly screamed. Thank god the kids were nowhere near the house tonight!
"HERE!" I shrieked. I would probably be more comfortable in the bedroom—on a bed. But I wasn't going to make it that long.
I could feel myself already wet for him. I could feel his need rubbing against my thigh as he pressed me back into the door once more.
"Good." He breathed.
He tore my shirt apart across my chest. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were hungry. Shit.
Strike the felt my self wet for him thought—I was swimming in a damn river for him. Every inch of me was tingling for his touch.
He looked down at my chest—his able hands making short work of removing my bra. Exposed. On fire. His.
His strong hands gripped me hard once more. I wanted nothing more than to lean my head back and enjoy the sensation. But I was captivated by the sight of him. Carlisle was the most gentle and kind person I had ever known. But the man in front of me right now was a beast. A tiger.
His eyes were hooded with need. His beautiful face was hard with his hunger. His lips were pulled into a sneer of knowing power. He was magnificent.
"I want you." He said—squeezing my breasts harder. I didn't want to sound stupid so I bit my tongue at the DUH that I wanted to throw at him. Good thing. This was just him warming up to talk dirty.
"I want you to scream." His velvet voice was almost angry.
His hands massaged my chest so hard and deep that I couldn't help but comply. He slammed me back against the door as he worked over my throbbing breasts. I was turning into a wild beast my self—writhing against him as he thrust me in to the wood.
If this was just the wind up—I just might die from this night with him. Stupid irony!
"Esme" he whispered. He dropped to his knees in front of me. I was throbbing and gasping for air. I just stood waiting for more.
He made even shorter work of my pants and panties. I closed my eyes against the pure sensation as he spread my legs and touched me. I moaned.
He pulled his fingers away. "Esme…" He warned. I nodded with my eyes still closed. He placed his fingers back on my swollen center… and I screamed.
I'm not sure why it shocked me… by this point nothing about what was happening should have shocked me. But when I felt his lips on me I jumped. His hands were around my waist—soothing me, reassuring me again.
My head snapped down and I looked at him with wide eyes. I wasn't sure if I was ready for all that. I had never had the opportunity for anything oral—with either of the two men I slept with before. I wasn't sure if I could survive every fantasy all in one night with Carlisle. It was too much.
"What's wrong?" He asked looking up at me. His beautiful tiger face of need had melted back into the compassionate Carlisle. Damn it. I didn't want to stop altogether.
My breath was shaky as I tried to explain. "Not that." Was all I could squeak. The hands at my sides continued to sooth me turning gentle circles over my flesh.
His eyes narrowed. "Not tonight." He amended. Shit. Did Carlisle Cullen not only promise that this would not be my one and only night of sex with him, but that he would be giving me oral gratification on some other occasion.
I closed my eyes again. Please don't ever wake me from this dream!
"Esme," He breathed again. He was standing and his lips and fingers made three separate blazing trails up my body to my face. "Undress me." He said and kissed my lips gently.
Was he a freaking Dom with Mary? Did I never realize what kind of sex life they led? I reached up to follow his command. I wished that I could rip his shirt as impressively as he had mine. But as I undid each button on his gorgeous charcoal shirt—he had good taste in clothing—I was sort of shy and timid. He put his hands back on my waste and I realized something almost more shocking than seeing the tiger back on his face. If he had been a Dom to my friend that wouldn't have surprised me as much as the thought that I was willing right now to become his Sub.
I bit back the 'Yes Master' when his eyes told me to do it faster. I really wanted to do it faster too. I needed him just as naked as I was faster.
He kicked off his shoes and I tried not to blush too much when I lowered his pants over his trapped erection. It made me even wilder to think that I could affect Carlisle Cullen that much. My hands were shaky as I lowered them to his boxers.
I couldn't look him in the eye as I did it—and I couldn't really look down at him either. I sort of cast my eyes to the right and fumbled for a grip against the fabric. I could tell he was smiling. He did nothing but continue to stroke my skin at my waste. And he wiggled slightly when I pinched his skin trying to grab the fabric.
Once he was released I was the little shy girl again. How strange? With both Charlie and Billy I had been the one driving the moment. I had been so in control that it was almost not fun at all.
I let my self finally look down at him. His touch at my sides was just building my need more and more and I had to see how much he wanted this too. And of course he was magnificent there too.
I wanted to sigh. How could I hold my own against a creature so perfect?
"Esme?" He prompted. This time I did sigh. I reached out a shy finger and ran it down the length of him between us. His breath caught. I smiled. I still had it.
"Carlisle…" I said mimicking his commanding voice. He chuckled as I raised my sultry eyes to his lust hooded ones.
"I want to hear you scream." I told him and my hand closed around him as hard as his had been around my breasts. He hissed.
The tiger was excited… but there was a hint of anger in his eyes at my words and actions. Not in to be dominated either huh? I thought.
His soothing hands slammed me against the door once more. He growled and clenched his jaw. Scream for me my pretty boy. I thought through my eyes. He glared at me and returned his hands to my breasts.
Battle of wills huh? Okay. I gripped harder around him and pumped. He sucked in a breath but made no sound. His hands were brutal on my breasts. I couldn't hope to want to toy with him much longer. I really did just need him inside of me whether he was willing to play my game or not.
"Carlisle…" I warned. My delicate hand left his skin. My last warning.
He closed his eyes and nodded. His hands left my breast and captured my hands. He pressed my hands above my head and thrust himself deep inside of me.
We screamed together.
I couldn't pay attention to much else after that. We were both unleashed wild animals. He was some sort of demented musician who could make my body sing for him—no scream for him.
We let the passion over take us against the door—falling to the floor as his thrusts grew harder and deeper and my screams filled the room like I was being stabbed.
It was more than I had ever felt before—it had to be a dream. I had to be passed out in my bed at home because I drank too much wine. There was no possible way that Carlisle Cullen was pressing me into the hard wood floor of his entry way and telling me that I looked so beautiful coming for him. Shit he loved to talk dirty.
"So beautiful…" he breathed as his teeth captured my nipple once more. I was exploding and flying. "Yes. For me."
He said he thrust once more even deeper than he had before and I truly screamed as loud as I could. The second orgasm hit me as I felt him lock down in his.
I was actually laughing as I came down from the high. He was nuzzling my neck—laughing too.
"Was it good for you?" He joked.
I shook my head. "Nope. Better luck next time." I couldn't catch my breath. I was covered in sweat. Damn he was good.
"Promise." He said throwing his head back and laughing.
He was off of me then. Standing above me and looking down at my shocked face. He chuckled.
He bent down and picked me up like I was his bride on our first night of marriage.
"Shall we?" He asked.
He carried me up the stairs to his bedroom.
Oh lord, please don't ever wake me from this dream.
-**-Bookends-**-
APOV (five minutes earlier)
I sat back on my heels and enjoyed the sounds of two lovers letting lose in the entry room.
I should have… what been disgusted? My father was a human being. He had needs. How often had I tried to talk Jazz into having sex on that same piece of wood floor?
It sounded like he was pretty good. That's nice. It's nice to know that he wasn't some guy who just took what he wanted from a woman and then cast her off… clearly it must have been my mother who did the taking.
She took me away from him. Denied me the passion that he could give to those he loves for so many years in my youth.
I rubbed my nose.
My tears were all used up.
Esme was screaming again. I could hear their bodies slapping together. It should have been disturbing… I guess… I pushed the kitchen door open just enough to get a glimpse of them.
And it was beautiful.
He pressed into her on the floor with a vigorous need. From this angle with the dinning room between us, all I could really make out were their entwined bodies. A naked arm slung over a naked shoulder.
I could hear my father telling her she was beautiful. I could hear her moan in her need for him. It was beautiful. Two people so trusting of each other. Two people who were willing to become one.
I cowered back into the kitchen—my mind still split in two. I picked the apple up from the floor.
Jazz tapped on the window quietly. How long had he been standing there? I gripped the fruit to my chest.
I was terrified to leave this room. I had no idea who I would be once I left this space. I could no longer go back to being confused Alice no name. I knew what my name really was…
Now I would have to figure out who I was.
-**-Bookends-**-
JPOV
"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked her for the hundredth time.
She just nodded. Alice had been silently munching on her apple since she followed me down to the river. She had been distant for a while with me now. But this was even more unnerving.
I could feel a vibe coming from her that was totally foreign. She was really pushing me away this time.
It scared me.
"Where's Bella?" She asked turning to Em and J as they pulled out the beer and condoms from the basket that Em packed. Fuckers. I was hungry.
"She's in her room. Throwing up." Em contorted his face as he said it.
"Is she alright?" J asked rolling her eyes at Em's lack of food. "Really? No food?" She added.
"Hey, don't blame me. I had a whole spread laid out. Bells caught a whiff of the fish from the fry and she spewed over all of it. Literally…" his head shook back and forth frantically. "Total exorcist."
Alice gasped.
J and I just exchanged a worried look. "Did you bother to ask her what was wrong?" J probed cracking open one of the beers.
"No…" Em said like it was the stupidest question he had ever heard. "Bells and vomit are not on my priorities list. Not like…" he grabbed J's legs and forced her to straddle his lap, "another young lady I know."
J giggled and flushed. That was usually our cue to leave.
I looked to find Alice already half way back to the Swan house.
"Al!" I called running up behind her. "What's up?" I asked putting my hands on her shoulders.
"Not now Jazz." I was really getting tired of being the dog that she kicked the most these days. I loved her and I wouldn't want to hurt her but I couldn't keep living like this.
"Yes, now Alice." I turned her to face me. We were going to talk now or else. Though I had no real definition of what or else would entail.
"I need to go see Bella. You need to leave me alone…" She darted her eyes down. Like that last part was about more than just right now.
"What are saying?" I hated be so intuitive with this girl. Other couples got to have it out—Bella and Edward could fight all afternoon and never understand where the other one was coming from. But I knew this girl too well on too many levels to not know what she was talking about. She wanted to break up.
"So that's how it is?" I said removing my hands from her shoulder. "Just like that. No explanation. Just get out of my face Jazz?"
Her tiny eyes shot up to mine. Her little face was puckered. I didn't want to put that pain in her features. But she was torturing me too.
"Yes." She breathed. The tears were welling up in her eyes now. Though I could barely see them for my own. I nodded.
Fine. Her choice. I was just happy I had had the time I could with her.
" 'kay." I said and backed away.
"Jazz." She started but I was already running by then. I had no where really to run. I thought about the person I wanted to be able to turn to right now for support. But Edward was the last person I would burden with any of this. I decided on the next best thing.
Carlisle.
I ran into the house. The kitchen door was still open from only moments earlier when Alice had left. I took two giant breaths inside the quiet room.
This place would have to be a sanctuary for me for a moment. I was about to interrupt the most important night of my new father's life—dinner with Esme. I needed to have it a little bit more together before I stormed in to the dinning room.
I steadied my breath and walked into the room. Strange. The table had their plates and food still sprawled out but no people. The way the forks and food were placed it looked like they had suddenly stopped eating—a fight. Damn. Carlisle probably wanted to be alone right now.
If he was here at all.
I climbed the stairs to my room. I was so pathetic. I didn't even have anyone I could turn to. I had built my whole world around Alice.
I could hear Carlisle's voice coming from his bedroom. It was muffled but it was him. I debated with myself and the top of the stairs. I could just go to my room. Leave him alone. But then, if he had had a bad night with Esme that could be something that could bond us right now—right?
Lost love. I sighed. I just needed to talk to someone. Just for a minute.
I turned the doorknob and stepped in.
The two pairs of shocked eyes that met mine were frozen in terror. I gaped—not at the fact that I found Carlisle in a state other than I had anticipated but because Chief Swan had some of the nicest breasts I had ever seen.
Then I closed my eyes and looked down at the floor. I had no right to see them. Of course the image of her straddled atop my uncle/adopted father was now burned into the back of my eye lids.
"SORRY!" I roared and slammed the door behind me.
It seemed like I was just running from everyone tonight. I heard Carlisle yell my name but I was already through the kitchen door and heading back out into the back yard by then.
I ended up in Edward and Bella's tree house.
Pulled my knees up under my chin and rocked back and forth. I didn't think about it. I pulled my phone out and hit send.
"Hey." I said when I heard him answer.