Bookends By: Bella's Executioner.

Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 you are agreeing to break your own ToS by reading this and I'm not your mother so be responsible for yourself.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner.

A/N: Bookends is the very first fanfiction I started writing. It's been on this site, moved and come back. It has errors, fuck ups and lots of proofs that I'm human but it also has all of my heart and soul in it. I welcome you into this world of pain and love and hope that you enjoy. I also welcome your thoughts as you read—pm me or review and I'll be happy to discuss the story with you.

Chapter 16: A still life watercolor

-**-Bookends-**-

EPOV (Seattle same night)

"Jazz, you know that no one is more in love than you and Alice." I spun the lighter on my knee. Next to me and Bella. I told myself silently.

"Edward…" He took a deep breath. "It's not about that anymore. It's about something Al won't share with me. It's about… me not trusting myself to be enough for her. It's about... shit! I don't even know!"

I rolled my eyes. My baby brother was too damn perceptive. He needed to go with his gut and just have it out with Alice. It would be a healthy release—for both of them. I liked fighting with Bella. She was stubborn and passionate. She was vengeful and she wasn't afraid to hit me. The girl had one strange mind. Fighting with her opened my eyes to her motives and her desires. I always learned something new about my girl when we let our passions go that way.

But Jazz couldn't fight with Alice. Jazz couldn't fight with anyone—least of all his precious Al. He cared about her too much on too many wrong levels. He wanted her happy. He wanted her content. And teenagers with issues like everyone in our close circle were setting themselves up for a world of hurt without getting angry every now and then.

But then that was the wall that Jazz would have to crash into soon. Just like we all did eventually.

"You okay?" I asked knowing that he wasn't. The world was never right without your girl by your side. I fingered the picture that I had drawn of Bella sleeping. My fingers focused on her slightly parted lips. I missed her lips most of all. She has the best lips. Even when she's asleep, she always gave me the best kisses.

"Yeah," he lied. I laughed.

"How..." I stopped. I hadn't really been able to talk about Bella to anyone lately. I knew I was getting into the Pops. Bella had talked to me and congratulated me and for the first time I didn't hear that sneer of regret in her voice when it came to me moving that far away from her. But I still didn't like remembering that she was there and I was here. And I had a lot of things I wanted to talk to her and only her about before I talked about her to anyone.

I could still smell her on my skin. I sighed.

Prom was four weeks away and I wasn't going to be there to take my girl to the dance. I wasn't going to be able to parade her beauty around and make every guy there jealous. When I closed my eyes at night I could almost hear the satin in her skirt swirl around us as I turned us around the dance floor.

I laughed to myself when I thought about probably having to lift her up so that she could dance on my feet. She was rather uncoordinated with stuff like that. Though I was too. We'd probably just be the typical teens swaying while timidly holding each other around the neck.

Damn I missed her.

"Good," was all Jazz said. I sighed. That was good enough for now. Soon. Hopefully, I would be seeing her soon.

"Later." I said and he agreed and as I hit end I felt a stab of pain at leaving my baby brother behind too. I put the phone in my back pocket and headed back into the house. I didn't get to enjoy the smoke I had snuck out to light but Bella would tell me that was better for me anyway.

I smirked. Bella. What that girl did to me—even miles and miles removed from my daily life. She was in absolutely everything I did.

Phil and Tanya were sitting in the kitchen talking and I didn't want to intrude. So I snuck around front and took the stairs two at a time to my old room.

I pulled out the shirt that I had kept from Bella's room- the one she told me she always wore just for me and inhaled her scent from the fibers. It was a black shirt with no frills. It just said my Bella when I saw it. She told me to keep it with me so that I always had something of her to hold on to. Crazy Bella. Stupid Edward.

I spent sixteen hours the first day I got here at the drug store trying to find her—her scent. I must have looked psychotic. I sniffed and dabbed and drank in the smells of hundreds of perfumes and lotions and body sprays. I trained my self on the differences of creams, buffs, and butters. I could tell you the variations in notes of smells in every type of heather there was on the market. Finally on the one thousandth and one try I found it—the smell that reminded me of Bella. It was a mixture of heather hand soap from the drug store and a body spray called rain kissed leaves from BBW. It was Bella. Everyday I mixed the potions and cast her spell. I knew somewhere in her room was one of my shirts covered in all my smells that she kept near her. And I guess it said a lot that I actually smelled her more than once a day.

Damn I missed her.

-**-Bookends-**-

CPOV (the next morning.)

I groaned when the alarm went off. I yearned for an eternity of sleep. I was having the best damn dream. Esme. I could almost smell her still…

I rolled over and stretched. And stopped.

My eyes popped open when I felt the soft silky hair and the warm creamy skin. Esme. She was real. And she was still lying in my bed.

I smiled- crooked and goofy, I'm sure.

A gentle, iridescent smile played across her relaxed face. She was truly beautiful. No... She was gorgeous. She didn't seem bothered in the slightest by my alarm or my waking up. And I was glad for that. I laid my cheek down on my folded hands and watched my sleeping angel.

It was going to be a rough day. Jazz was no where to be found after he burst in on us last night. It didn't sit well with me to leave him alone without talking to him. But I couldn't resist the tugging in my chest that pulled me back to my room- back to Esme. And I had not been able to really think about anything else once I came back to the goddess in my bed. I also hadn't really been able to control my self.

I'm not sure when we finally stopped torturing each other with the fantastic sex and teasing touching but I think we eventually just passed out from exhaustion. I know that was the only thing that would have stopped me.

I still couldn't really understand what came over me last night.

I ran my knuckles light as feather across her cheek. She sighed and pressed in to my flesh like a kitten being stroked by her master. That's what came over me last night—that raw hunger that was threatening to control me right now. Possessive. Animalistic. Power.

I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. I had prided myself on being a patient and controlled person. Calm. Reserved. All of my life I never gave into the passion. I had a lot of dark shit in my past that would have made me angry. But I never went to that dark place inside of me.

Mary had pushed me close—a lot. We would fight so violently with words that it was all either of us could do to not physically lash out at each other. When she felt me pulling away, as early as a few weeks after we were married, she called me on it. She knew that I only married her because she was pregnant. I knew better than to commit to a relationship for that reason but I had known and cared about her for a long time. I was young and foolish enough to believe we could survive being just really good friends. Our marriage was never healthy. We fought. I was angry—but mostly at myself. I never truly loved Mary. And that made me defensive- but remorseful that I could not be enough for my family. So I fought with her to show her I cared. It was a stupid way to show it, but with my background it was one of the only ways I understood. I could never love Mary the way she wanted or even needed me to. I only ever loved one woman in my life.

I peeked back at her. Still sleeping. Still perfect.

I smiled again- totally goofy with teeth this time.

I still couldn't really understand how easily it took over—the ferocity. I guess the fact that I had carried a torch for Esme Whitlock all of my childhood and the fact that I knew Esme Swan would just slowly fade from her brilliance with that damn Charlie by her side was just fuel for the burn. When we both ended up unattached all those years ago I never dreamed of hoping for a day like today. She was such a pistol on her own. And I had never followed through with the silent promises I had made to her before we went through all that pain.

I would never deserve her.

But last night… here she was. In my home. By my side. And she wanted me. Told me that she would drop her anger over Edward if I just made love to her. Fuck. If I had known it was that easy!

It was just amazing. I finally understood that look in Edward's eyes. The one that he had the day I had to send him away. When I mentioned Bella—he got that look. His eyes told me that he wasn't Edward anymore—he was just Bella's. I knew now, as I looked over at her and felt myself floating out of my body, I was just Esme's.

So long sorry ass Carlisle Cullen. I laughed silently at the thought. I was okay with never seeing him again. But that monster that threw her delicate body against the front door… I would have to try to figure him out.

Esme sighed again… Yes, I would have to figure him, the tiger, out soon. I could already feel him stirring for her.

She turned slightly in her sleep and the sheet moved down. I could just barely see her naked breasts rising and falling with her gentle breaths. Fuck. She was beautiful. The predator smiled through my lips… and she was mine.

"Why don't you take a picture?" She purred.

I growled. One of her eyes opened slowly to tempt me… how did she know just how to awaken this part of me?

"Morning, Sunshine." She whispered. I smiled- not goofy or silly but lethal and hungry.

I captured her, making her giggle like a little girl, and pinned her under me. She was still lightly laughing as I caught her lips in mine for a deep morning kiss. She smelled amazing—and I could smell my self on her. That was driving me wild.

"Good morning, tigress." I teased- moving my lips down her throat and back up to the delicious flesh beneath her ear.

She flushed and rolled her eyes. "You're really going to hold that against me forever aren't you?" I nodded. I wasn't going to forget the moment she screamed that I was her tiger man any time soon. I really liked the nick name. And I really liked the memory. She was a very flexible woman.

"What's on your agenda today?" I asked casually, running my hands down her wonderful neck and gently massaging her breasts. She had great breasts. But then I had always known that. I was her doctor after all.

"Ummm?" She had that look on her face again—the one that told me that she was too affected by my hands on her body. The Carlisle part of my brain thought it cruel to continue to tease her this way. The tiger man wanted to see if I could make her go completely mindless with sexual need. I really liked knowing that Esme was even affected by me that way. Hell, I was developing a whole new persona for her.

"I hope..." I said running my lips down her throat- slowly. Seductively. Wetly. "That I can be at least a small part of it." I smiled against her sweet skin. I could almost hear the spike in her heart rate.

I ran my nose down to her breasts- taking a deep breath of her delicious scent. My mouth watered at the thought of tasting her flesh again.

"Carlisle..." She moaned. There it was- the tiger was coming up to the surface with her words. Her hands were suddenly in my hair. Damn this woman knows just how to play me.

"If you are not planning on having... me" I smirked. "Then you really shouldn't touch my hair." I nipped at the skin at the base of her breast.

She sighed. And moved her hands down to her sides. The tiger wanted to growl at that. He didn't like giving her free will. I shook my head to try to clear it. Yes I would have to get a handle on this beast sooner rather than later.

I looked up into her quiet green eyes. Beautiful.

"Sorry." She breathed. She cupped her hands on either side of my face- smiling like a long time lover. Fuck. This was nice... nice that we could just fall into such an easy rhythm with each other. "I don't want to, but I really have to get back to reality."

I groaned when she pulled my face forward and put her soft lips against mine. The tiger wasn't going to make it easy to let her leave.

"Esme…" I warned when her hot tongue started to tickle along my upper lip.

"Yes, Carlisle." She teased. Don't do that Chief Swan- not unless you want him unleashed again.

I was past the point of speaking by the time I let her tongue into my mouth. And I was past the point of control by the time that my hands touched her hips.

"Oh my!" She gasped when I touched two fingers to her center. I growled- she was already wet and warm. For me.

"Damn woman." I growled. As her hands secured my face to her breasts.

"Yes!" She moaned. I could hear it in her voice. The self assured way she believed that she was in control of the situation.

I smirked against her hard nipple. Not so fast Chief Swan. I thought back to last night- before I lost all control. I knew exactly what would drive her wild.

It was almost cruel. The tiger liked that.

I spread her legs with my sure hands and trailed light kisses down her chest and across her abdomen.

"Oh my!" She nearly screamed. The tiger purred at the sound. He wanted nothing more than to hear her scream. And she wanted nothing more than to comply.

It really was cruel. She gripped her hands harder in my hair- believing that she was spurring me in her power. I bit the flesh of her stomach. That's it my lovely girl- go crazy. For me.

She arched her back and hips as I moved further down. She was writhing in need by the time my lips trailed to her inner thighs. She wasn't going to be able to resist me this time.

My hands caressed and relaxed the flesh of her legs and thighs. Her hands were no longer in my hair- just falling limply on her stomach. Her breaths were fast and hard. You'd almost think to hear the two of us that we had not had sex for months- and you would never have believed that we had played with each other non-stop just a few short hours ago.

Like two horny teenagers we were going primal again. She bent her knees when I bit the sensitive skin high up on her thigh. My fingers were still playing along her wet lips.

Her head was arched back- so beautiful in the craze of hunger for me. The tiger was growling in my mind now. I licked my lips as I watched my fingers push in and out of her. I had to taste her- all of her.

My lose hand ran up to her chest. Her delicate hand captured it and drew my thumb to her lips. I hissed a sharp breath of pleasure as she pushed my thumb into her wet hot mouth.

My turn. I kissed the sensitive bud and she nearly jumped off the bed. I smiled. I was so mean.

Her legs tensed around my shoulders but she was too late if she wanted to stop me. My strong hand, the one not secured with her mouth, pushed her legs back down on to the bed while my lips trailed light, gentle, loving kisses along her sensitive flesh.

"Carlisle..." She moaned around my thumb. I felt her sit up- as best as she could with her legs pinned under my arms.

I growled against her. "Carlisle!" She tried to warn. But her voice was strained and I felt her hand in my hair grip tightly. She meant to pull me away, but instead I let my hot tongue sweep slowly up her length and felt the subtlest pressure from behind my head.

My name became a husky moan on her lips. I smiled against her others. I started to move my thumb in and out of her mouth in a languid rhythm. Her lips closed instinctively around my flesh. Her tongue slipped along its length as her teeth teased the skin.

"Lie down." I commanded. She did immediately. "Good girl." Now to reward her good behavior. I moved my free hand under her lower back and arched her hips up to me.

I placed my mouth back on her. She moaned again and I considered chastising her for not screaming for me like she was supposed to. But then I was making it hard for her to do anything but moan with my rapidly plunging thumb that she was sucking between hungry lips. And I would have had to move my lips from her flesh and I was not capable of doing that just yet. She tasted sweeter than anything I had ever felt on my tongue.

"Hold on to something." I growled as she started to feel her pleasure build inside of her. My hand ran up her sides and teased the flesh of her sides and stomach. She was not able to stay quiet any longer. Her teeth were biting down on my thumb now and the sting felt so good. Her tongue was making the flesh throbbed as she moved it in tandem with her hips rising for my tongue.

I used everything- my teeth, my lips, my fingers, my tongue- god she loved my tongue. Soon she was in a frenzy. Her legs vibrated on either side of my head. Her hips bucked up to take everything I could give her. I could feel her constricting before she realized what was happening.

Her mouth opened and my hand fell to her chest limp—"Tiger Man!" She screamed. I bite her hard on her inner thigh as she let the wave crash over her.

I watched her with my chin on her lower stomach and my hands cupping her ass, as she fell over the edge. Her goddess face was contorted in painful pleasure. Her mouth was open and the sexiest whimpering moans escaped her as she arched her succulent neck back in release. Her hands were white knuckled as they gripped the headboard above her.

Beautiful. Perfect.

I ran my hands up her sides and cupped her breasts. Her eyes were closed. Her teeth trapped her lower lip as she felt my hands on her chest.

She moaned again.

MINE. I thought squeezing the perfect orbs. She arched her chest into my touch. How easily her body opened for me. She wanted this. She needed this. She had spent too many years with men who just took from her- she deserved... required a man who would give her what she needed. Whether she asked for it or not.

"What time is it?" She whispered. I had to laugh. She was pressed back against my headboard like a sex goddess. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks were flushed. But she was casually asking for the time.

"Seven." I said planting a gentle kiss on her red flesh still in front of me.

Suddenly she scooted back and I was left kissing air.

"SEVEN!" She screamed and jumped out of my bed. "Shit. Shit. Shit! She's gonna kill me!"

She flew out of the room and into my private bathroom. I rolled my eyes. Right. Esme and her sudden mood swings. I had forgotten about those.

I laughed sharp and leapt up myself. The woman certainly knew how to compartmentalize situations in her life. I slid on some grey sweats and a plain black tee.

Her little head popped out of the door. I could hear the water running and steam was drifting around her pale face as she spoke.

"Clothes?" She asked scrunching her brows together. I smirked. She was so fucking cute.

"I'll get them." I assured her. She smiled sweetly and closed the door to return to her shower. I ran down stairs and to retrieve our clothes. I was actually thankful that she had to leave. It forced us to pick up the pieces of reality. I found her bra under the head chair in the dining room and was thankful again that the kids were all away last night.

Her shirt was destroyed but she could borrow one of mine. I collected everything I could find... something seemed to be missing. I shrugged. She came back in to the room as I reentered it. "Here you go milady." I said handing her the pile of discarded clothing.

"Dad?" J was back.

Like two teenagers all over again we stared at each other for a moment with wide eyes. What the hell were we worried about? We were grown ass adults for crying out loud! "Get dressed." I told her. "I'll distract her."

I thought I heard her whisper my name as I fled the room but I could hear J on the stairs and one child with the image of my naked neighbor was bad enough. J wouldn't react to her form quite the same way that I saw in Jazz's eyes last night but she didn't deserve to be put on display.

"J!" I called breathlessly from the landing.

She was leaning against her door looking for me. "Hey dad!" She had her hands in her pockets and what looked like a smirk on her lips.

"Breakfast?" I offered and nodded toward downstairs. I caught a sight of Esme exiting my bedroom as J and I headed down to the kitchen. I put my arm around J's shoulders for some kind of twisted support. She was like a lifeline to reality for me right now. I had all but forgotten Carlisle Cullen in the brief hours I spent with my dream girl last night.

"Rough night?" J said jerking her thumb towards the frozen dinner scene on the dinning room table. Shit. I forgot all about that too.

J let a little sharp giggle out but recovered quickly when I threw her the daddy look. But then I stole a glance of my self in the foyer mirror as we passed it. Fuck! My hair was practically standing on end. My lips were swollen and… was that a hickey on my neck right under my ear?

I rolled my eyes.

I shoved J through the kitchen door with an inglorious push and waved Esme to the door. She flew down the stairs—graceful as ever. She smiled her kitten smile at me and was gone.

Fuck.

I slammed my forehead against the door as I prepared myself to return to my world without fantasy. I sighed and entered the kitchen. I was met with three curious pairs of eyes. My kids were sitting around the island holding apples. Alice took a bite of hers to try to hide her smirk. Jazz cast his eyes to the right and shifted his weight with discomfort. And J planted her feet like Emmett did when he was getting ready to block a forward pass.

"How was last night?" J pried. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Fine…" I stalled—shrugging my shoulders. Jazz huffed a half cough half laugh. Alice chewed her apple with a curious expression—like she was trying to figure out a complex math problem.

"Just fine?" J asked folding her arms over her chest. I mirrored her pose and scowled at her.

What the hell was she getting at? Had Jazz told them what he saw? I doubted it. They would have barged into my room first thing this morning to see her. I would never have been able to get her out of the house undetected.

"Why?" I asked skeptically.

J shrugged with an innocent smile dancing on her face. Alice flushed and bit her apple again. Jazz… well Jazz and I were going to have to have a talk. I could see the glazed over look in his eyes that told me I wasn't the only male who appreciated Esme's body.

"Juice?" J asked as she turned from the open fridge door. I nodded.

"Thanks." I said. I sat on the open stool in front of Alice.

"Eggs?" J asked. I nodded again and unfolded the morning paper.

I scanned the top headlines and took a sip of juice. "Thanks," I murmured absentmindedly.

"Thong?" J asked. I leaned back as a black lacey pair landed on the newspaper in front of me.

Fuck.

Esme's underwear. That is what I hadn't located earlier… Fuck.

I looked up into the eyes of my three idiot children.

"Okay," I said rolling my eyes. "It was better than just fine."

I picked up the underwear and put it in my pocket like it was my wallet. I went back to reading the paper without another word regarding the article of clothing, or the R rated events of last night and this morning.

"Sunnyside up," I said plainly as J went back to frying the eggs.

-**-Bookends-**-

BPOV (five minutes later)

Where the hell was she? She promised! She knew how important next week was for all of us. Fuck! She knew how important it was for me to do what I had to do today! I needed her to be here right now!

"Bella!" she hollered when she rushed through the back door.

I was prepared to tear into her. My mother was not my favorite person these days for so many fucking reasons but I was so ready to just let her have it for making me wait. But when I turned the corner of the living room and saw her… I was robbed of the words.

She looked… fucking happy. She was fucking… glowing.

"Hey," She said and rushed over to me. She was out of breath and her cheeks were flushed. She hugged me warmly and kissed my temple. "Let me go change and I'll be right down. Okay?" She started up the stairs. I stood like the feeble village idiot that I was—my eyebrows raised and my body frozen. "Did you get the receipts?" She threw over her shoulder.

I nodded like a dumb mute. My eyes spread wider when she smiled. I don't think I've ever seen my mom smile like that before.

"Ten minutes!" She promised and was off to her room. "Morning Em!" I heard her call.

Em was dragging his sorry ass out of bed at an unusual hour this morning. His curly hair was shoved up on one side and his red eyes were barely open. I noted how wide they spread when he looked toward my mother's voice.

He scratched his butt as he ran down the stairs to stand beside me. "Who the fuck did she fuck last night?" He asked glaring at me.

I blinked- still fucking blank. My mind was starting to thaw at his words though. Understanding dawned and I flushed as I thought about it. I rolled my eyes and shot him the look—the "duh big brother" look.

"Oh…" He said smirking and nodding his head in approval. "Bet he gave her oral." He said mater-of-factly and headed off into the kitchen—belching fucking obnoxiously.

"EM!" FUCK! I screeched. Eww… like I needed that image. Kids should never have to even imagine the grown ups in their lives having sex. It was just disgusting. Bluhack! Mom with Dr. Cullen's head between her legs was hardly something I wanted to picture first thing in the morning.

I had barely gotten a handle on the fucking throwing up thing this week. That was settling down but I was afraid it was at the cost of my relationship with food. Everything that I tried to eat anymore was making me hurl—or want to hurl. I caught a whiff of Em frying bacon and I covered my nose. Fuck. My guts were turning sharp. I ran to the couch and picked up the garment bag and my purse.

"I'll be in the car mom!" I yelled and fled the smell for the fucking fresh air outside.

It was raining—hard. Appropriate. I would expect nothing less on the day that I was returning my dreams unopened. I laid the dress reverently in the backseat. It was a little fucking heartbreaking to me. I was never really the romantic little girl who wanted to go to the prom. But since I had a fucking prince charming by my side I had wanted to show him off.

Fuck. I missed the shit out of him. I hugged my arms around my chest while I waited in the car. The rain was falling hard on the roof. It was doing very little to soothe me these days. The rain just reminded me of the passing of time. Each droplet was a memory I was missing out on with Edward. Thousands of moments. Millions of wasted breaths. I hated being reminded of all the time I spent alone.

I smoothed my hands over my stomach. My body was rebelling against our separation. I felt like I was being turned inside out these days. The tears were flowing heavily before I knew it. A strangled sob tore from my lips. I brushed the traitorous streaks from my cheeks. No one could see me cry. That shit got back to Edward and he didn't need a constant reminder that I was a fucking weak mess without him.

By the time my mom got in the car I was pulled together. "You sure you want to take this car?" She asked. Mom was always apprehensive about the Volvo. Edward and Dr. Cullen both were adamant that I keep it while Edward was gone. This bitch was a kindred spirit with me. I was never going to not take this car. It was the only fucking routine I had left that was anything like what I had with Edward. The car still ran the same—looked the same, smelled the same. Of fucking course I was taking this car.

That was the look I threw at her. She just sighed and nodded.

The drive to PA was quiet. There wasn't much for me to talk about. I just didn't want to be alone…here. If I ran in to Charlie I was going to flip out. He had been making grumblings lately that he wanted us to visit him again. Okay Renee had been begging me for us to visit—she missed us. But Em had a really big conversation that he had to have with him. And he preferred to wait until after graduation to have it. But when J pressed him to do this sooner rather than later… he gave in. I was just the moral support wagon. Yay boyee! That sounded like a barrel full of fucking monkeys.

"Are you sure about this Bella?" Mom didn't look over at me while she spoke. She just watched the rain drenched foliage disappear around us.

"Yes." I said with a hollow voice. I had no need for a prom dress anymore. I was not going to the prom. Ever.

She followed me into the store. The clerk gave me my change back and I let my finger trail over the blue satin one last lingering time. It was some fucking stupid childhood fantasy going back on the rack—just like every other stupid fucking wish I made as a kid.

I smiled painfully and fled the store. Mom told me she had some shopping she needed to do. I couldn't stay at that end of the mall anymore—the dress was some threat to my very mental stability.

I ran down to the opposite end of the mall to a little shop that I remembered from another place and time- Another life.

The postcard in the window should have broken my heart—purple flames. Fuck. Edward. I put my fingers on the glass. How fucking metaphorical was that image for my life? Always just inches away from what I really wanted.

Fuck.

There was some movement on the other side of the display but I ignored it. I was lost in the memory of Edward coming to me in my room that night. My prince saving me from the tower. Fuck.

The banging on the glass shook me awake. Fucking rude! But the big goofy blond head that was waving at me and causing the noise made me groan.

Renee was saying my name over and over like I was a fucking mental patient who needed to be reminded of who I was.

Fuck.

-**-Bookends-**-

"Bella," Renee said sitting next to me on the bench outside the store. "I'm so glad to see you honey!"

Like it or not I just could never really be adequately fucking angry with Renee. She was just a big kid in so many ways. I smiled at her against my will. I had to admit I had kind of fucking missed her too.

"Sorry about not returning your calls lately…" I bit my lip. "I've been busy." I lied. I found it more suitable than saying you married an asshole and are on my shit list by default.

"That's okay!' She waved her hand in the air between us. She smiled at me again but I noticed that the look wavered slightly—her eyes kind of went sad for a second.

"What's up?" I asked. It was really fucking weird—I had never had a casual conversation with Renee. I had never really cared one way or the other about anything that had to do with her. But when I saw that look on her face, some part of me was touched. Fuck. Renee was just as human as the rest of us, wasn't she?

I rolled my eyes internally. Edward would get a fucking laugh at this! I was a fucking bleeding heart for Satan's mistress.

"Not much." She stalled. She sort of grimaced and looked at me longingly. "I just really can't wait for you to visit next week."

We sat there talking about nothing for a little while. Pretty soon my phone buzzed in my pocket and I headed off to find mom. I didn't tell her where I was. She was holding armfuls of bags when I found her.

"What the hell is all this?" I complained as she handed half of it over to me.

"Language young lady," She scolded. "And I just wanted to make sure you guys were well dressed for the big week. You know how your father gets. And I heard that your grandmother will be there too." FUCK! Lucifer was coming out of hiding too! My grandmother, Aroa Volterra Swan, was evil personified.

I groaned. Now I really just wanted the earth to swallow me whole. I couldn't face that shit without Edward. I wanted his arms around me so fucking tight right now that the circulation was cut off from the blood reaching my brain.

"I know… I know…" My mom agreed.

Fuck. Life fucking sucked hard these days.