Bookends By: Bella's Executioner.

Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 you are agreeing to break your own ToS by reading this and I'm not your mother so be responsible for yourself.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner.

A/N: Bookends is the very first fanfiction I started writing. It's been on this site, moved and come back. It has errors, fuck ups and lots of proofs that I'm human but it also has all of my heart and soul in it. I welcome you into this world of pain and love and hope that you enjoy. I also welcome your thoughts as you read—pm me or review and I'll be happy to discuss the story with you.

Chapter 20: No one touches me

-**-Bookends-**-

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

-Norman Cousins

-**-Bookends-**-

CPOV (Prom night.)

"Girls are you ready?" I shouted up to the second floor. Jazz stood in the living room pulling on his tie. He was going to walk over and pick up Bella, but she showed up at the door twenty minutes early.

The sad puppy dog look that washed into Jazz's eyes told me that they were coming downstairs. I actually gasped as I took in the sight. I still remembered Bella and Alice as two six year old girls running around in pigtails and mud covered clothes. The two young women standing in my entryway were hardly recognizable—except for the fact that they looked just like their mothers. Esme and Mary. Two people just as inseparable as these girls before me.

Jazz and I stood motionless as they made last minute adjustments to their hair and attire. Then I suddenly realized that they were throwing beseeching looks at me—well Alice was glaring daggers honestly. I cleared my throat as I turned to Jazz. He was gaping openly at the display of feminine perfection. I closed his mouth with my finger and nudged him with my elbow.

"Right," his ears grew pink and he hid his face. "Come on." He opened the door and stepped back for the ladies to exit first.

I rushed over to gush over my daughter as the proud father. She giggled and kissed my cheek. I knew there would be ruby red lipstick stained on my skin for the rest of the night. But I didn't mind. Next, I gave Bella a hug and complimented her on how beautiful she was. I couldn't believe how grown up she looked—more than that she just seemed mature. Bella really was the perfect girl for Edward. This time that they had spent apart seemed to make each of them stronger and I was thankful for that. And she seemed to handle it with her head held high rather than sulking as I had expected.

"Now, Dr. Cullen," She said with a serious look in her eyes. I resisted the urge to correct her again. Bella had never found it easy to call me Carlisle. She did not find father figures easy to deal with at all. I could sympathize with that.

She handed me a card—it had her cell phone number on it. I coughed to hide my laugh. Isabella Swan's number had been programmed into my mind the minute Edward moved into this house three years ago.

"Please call me if you hear from Em. You're sure everything is okay?" She bit her lip and Jazz looked like another five minutes of waiting and the tie was coming off as he headed up stairs.

"Yes Bella," I assured her. "They checked in to the hotel this afternoon. Rose will be meeting with her doctor tomorrow and they both will be meeting with the psychotherapist all week." She nodded as she listened. I had to smile at that. Bella was becoming quite the mother these days with this brood of characters in my household.

The thought made my mind wander—Momma Swan… I shook my head and returned my attention to the kids.

"Have a pleasant evening, girls… Jazz," I waved him over as the girls headed out to the car. Poor kid. Jazz looked like a man being led to a death sentence. "Here." I slipped him a twenty. He raised his brow at me. "Let's just say, that when I went to the prom with the girl I had to and not the girl I wanted to… I was forced to call a cab to come home. And as I am not planning on being home all night…"

He raised his hands in protest. "Got it!" He said and turned to flee the house before he remembered the sight of Esme naked on top of me.

Fuck. There was a sight for sore eyes. I smiled and grabbed my leather jacket from the hall closet. I checked the pocket—yep still there.

I laughed to myself. Alice was insisting to drive and Jazz was eyeing the front door again when I came around from the backyard. I waited until the Volvo disappeared around the corner and kicked started the bike.

It was kind of exciting. I hadn't even thought of this old bike since I was a teenager. But when Bella pulled Esme's matching bike out that fateful night it triggered the memory.

I pulled on my helmet and sped off to town. I heard that the police chief was on the graveyard shift tonight. All alone.

Not for long.

-**-Bookends-**-

Esme POV (Police Station midnight prom night.)

I flipped through the pictures on my digital phone. Bella looked so pretty in her dress… Sad- A little disgruntled. But pretty. I sighed when I came to the one of her alone. The one she called 'me with Edward'.

I magnified the picture to bring her face closer in the frame. Her eyes were sorrowful as she stood there. They were surrounded by a thick layer of mascara. And the shadow on the lids made the sage highlights pop. But they were the embodiment of pain.

I felt sick to my stomach as I looked that picture. I could not put my fears into words for her. I really wished that I could. She deserved an explanation but all I ever had to do was look at that tree house and I would feel justified.

Carlisle had married Mary right out of high school- they had J... I guess she was Rosalie now... well, Mary was pregnant when they married. And I watched my two best friends wither and die in that trap of a life. I just wanted Bella to think about a future first. I wanted to believe that she was making choices based on every aspect of her life- not just on her hormonal drive toward Edward.

That wasn't fair. I hit a cache of old pictures stored in my camera and one of Bella and Edward jumped out at me. It was the first summer that the boys moved back with Carlisle—Bella's twelfth birthday party. Neither of them knew I took it. But now that I watched them I felt the same as I had back then.

They were standing together watching the fireworks light up the sky over our joint backyards. Edward's hand was clutched tightly in hers- his hand always seemed to be secured to hers. And Bella's head was eased in to a relax comfort on his shoulder. It had struck me as sweet back then- Bella had never been one to like showing affection in public, or showing it at all really. But now I could see it for what it was- trust. These two innocent, broken children found something to lean on for support.

And I was the evil monster keeping them apart.

I shut the camera off and shoved it back in the drawer. I would have to have a talk with Carlisle tomorrow. That boy needed to come home. It was time to give Bella the trust she deserved.

Graduation was only a week away and Edward's birthday was only a week after that. Maybe once I saw him as a legal adult, I could trust that he would make more mature decisions in his life. After all, it was my daughter who had made that stupid mistake that night.

"I am going to go down to Mel's for dinner." Gail announced as she returned from the storage room. "You want me to bring you anything?" I shook my head. I pointed to the phone and raised my brow.

"If you feel possessed to answer it," she glared at me. "Make sure you put my pens back in the cup that you steal them out of." I sighed while she smirked. "Please."

I put on a gracious grin and nodded. I really just prayed it wouldn't ring. Calls to the station after hours on prom night never spelled anything but trouble. And though I wanted to with all of my heart- trust was not something that flowed easy from me to Bella.

Gail left and I moved into the holding cell to tidy up. Carlisle once made fun of me because I had to make every room I walked into homey. I rolled my eyes as I thought of him. All I wanted to do these days was show up at his home and have him ravage me against his front door again… And again... and...

I shook my head. There was too much to think about. I would have to compartmentalize what he meant to me and where he fit in my life. Just like the pillow and blanket that I folded and placed on the cot, everything had a proper place.

I heard what I thought was a familiar sound—a dirt bike was pulling down Main Street. There was a very distinct rumble to the motor. It sounded just like Carlisle's old bike. I smirked to myself. If my daughter only knew about my "rebellious" days. I remembered what Carlisle used to look like back then. Damn. I used to think he was the hottest thing around—but as I pictured his beautiful golden head moving slowly down my naked body… I fanned myself with my hand. Nothing was sexier than that man—yesterday or today. I was sure when he was a hundred years old he would be just as beautiful.

I gasped as strong hands grabbed me from behind. I had been so caught up in my own mind that I had not even noticed someone had come in. My breath spiked and my heart was speeding. I could tell that the hands were a man's but I tried to keep a clear head as I waited for my attacker to proceed.

I had a can of pepper spray on my belt. All I needed was a little wiggle in his grip. I could also incapacitate him with my palm but he held my arms tight enough against my sides that I could not move without giving him the advantage.

My body shook and froze all at once when I felt his hot breath against my neck. Some part of my mind was wondering why I wasn't screaming for help. And another part of my mind was trying to figure why I was kind of turned on to this submissive position.

He drew in a wicked breath next to my ear. His voice tickled as he spoke. "Are you alone, bitch?" My temper flared at his words. I tensed to fight but he was stronger. I was truly shaking in rage now. My mind was running through every scenario in the book at how to fight this asshole. Just keep him talking Esme—turn the situation in to your control. Don't let him get your gun.

"Yes." It was my own twisted version of reverse psychology. First, it did you no good to give up too many false cues. That showed him all your cards too soon. If I said "no", he would know I was lying. By saying "yes" he had to wonder if there was someone hiding that he had missed. And then there was still that fucked up part of my mind that was getting turned on from the aggressive way that he was holding me. I never really knew this part of myself before—well maybe I had tapped into her when I went to the Academy. But mostly I always believed I wanted to be in control. But after the other night with Carlisle… I was finding that submission was quite a high.

My mind was getting kind of dizzy with a sick lust. One of his hands drifted over to place both of my hands in one of his—I didn't fight him. The rational part of my mind was screaming for help. The freed hand moved up my body to grab my breast tightly.

I moaned. WHAT THE FUCK! My brain was screaming. There had to be a reason why I didn't feel threatened enough to beat the shit out of this guy.

"You are a fucking little slut aren't you?" His voice was raw and deep—velvet and dark. Shit, even his disgusting words were making me hot. Why?

I felt him thrust his hips against my ass. He was aroused. And he was kind enough to warn me that he was here for only one thing. I trembled in anticipation—of something horrible or something deliciously sinful I had no idea.

The hand that held my hands pressed me back against him to trap his erection between us. A shaky whimper escaped my lips. My eyes were filling with tears. The adrenaline pumping through my body was making everything hazy. My heart was pounding in my ears so loudly that I almost missed his clue.

"Scream for me, baby." I gasped. My body that had been frozen in terror was stilled in confusion and then melted into raw desire. He released his hold on me and ran his hands down my body and he knelt behind me.

Carlisle. Motherfucker. He scared the shit out of me… and he… excited the fuck out of me at the same time.

"Esme?" he whispered. He spread my legs slightly apart forcing me to fall forward and brace my hands against the wall like a perp being frisked. Fuck that was hot.

"If this gets to be too much—say red." My breath was coming in deep sharp bursts and my mind was flying. My entire body was tingling. I was wetter than the rain covered sidewalk outside. And I wanted to answer him, but all I could do was whimper in anticipation.

"Esme?" His hands smoothed up my sides across my arms and came to rest on top of my hands against the wall. My breath was ragged as I tried to pay attention—put meaning to his words. I could feel the entire length of him pressed against my back. My skin was burning where it felt his through the layers of our clothing.

"Yes." I whispered breathlessly.

"Do you understand?" His tongue dipped into the curve of my ear as his teeth drew my earlobe in to his mouth. I nodded slowly. Red meant stop. No more. Don't go on.

His hands slapped against mine on the wall. I yelped—frightened more by the sudden movement than the action. I did not say red—so he continued without stopping. God damn it that turned me on.

"I've always wanted to see a cop get screwed for once." I smiled in spite of the moment—I never would have guessed that quiet, reserved Carlisle Cullen was such a dirty, dirty boy. "What do you say chief?" His right hand grabbed me hard and tight where I was already aching for him.

I gasped. I could feel myself respond to his touch. "My… my deputy…" I stammered. In the true scene it would be because I was afraid, but in reality it was because I was losing control. I really hoped like hell that he didn't have too much acting planned for this shit. The sex would be amazing no matter how much build up there was.

"Told me to have a nice night—that she would be okay with going home early and she left me her keys." I heard rather than saw the keys drop to the floor beside me. I wondered if Gail considered what he had planned. Probably not. It was prom night—we were parents who would have had plenty to talk about until my shift was over. It must have looked so innocent to her in passing.

"So tell me… Chief Swan…" his hands tore my shirt open and I grunted in primal need. "Do you like being a prisoner?"

His wonderful, wonderful hands were caressing me again—hard and rough and just the way I liked it. I was having a hard time holding still. I ground my hips back into him—eliciting a sharp hiss when I hit his obvious need for me. That earned my breast a slap of punishment—fuck yah! And my hands on the wall were claws that were digging into the brick—begging to turn to touch him.

I had never been a part of anything like this before. Charlie had only one sexual scenario—in the dark for five minutes. My head was thrashing from side to side as my mind slipped away from my control.

He was leaning me back into his body—taking my weight on to his chest and thighs.

"Carlisle…" I moaned—it really was a plea. Fucking do it already!

"Have you been a bad girl, Chief Swan?" Shit I would be whatever he wanted me to be. So long as he never stopped touching me. "Answer me you bitch." He turned me and threw me down on the cot. There was some good girl part of my mind that told me I should have found that wrong—should have gasped in fear or insult. But that part of me was drowning in the lust flowing between my legs. I was hot and throbbing and desperate for him to dominate me.

"Yes." I whimpered. He smiled a wicked smile. And straddled my hips to force me to lie back. He drew my hands above my head. For the first time I got to see him—really see how the play was affecting him.

His face was steel and cold. His body was powerful and possessive. And his eyes, smoldered. The midnight blue was bleeding to black with a hunger that made me want to scream all night.

He reached into his coat pocket—it was then that I recognized the jacket. It was his signature leather jacket from high school. Fuck. It was like a blending of the badass sexy Carlisle of my youth and the seductive amazing Carlisle of my present. I actually flopped my head back and groaned. He was going to kill me—death by orgasm. But what a way to go.

I heard the cuffs clank together and raised my head to confirm that was what I heard. Sure enough, Carlisle was pulling a pair of handcuffs from his pocket. I questioned him with shocked eyes.

He winked. Gave me that fucking adorable crooked smile. And put one finger to his lips. "Shh… I'm a bad boy too." I moaned again as he leaned over me.

"Fuck." He chuckled as I let my barriers drop completely and just said what I was thinking.

"Soon enough." He promised. He cuffed my hands above me to the cot. He's done this kind of thing before—right?

I was going to ask him—in fact I tugged gently on my secured hands and the word red almost floated past my lips. Would have passed them if his weren't suddenly ravaging them. Carlisle feasted on my lips like he was a starving man at an all you can eat buffet.

I'm not sure how I got naked—nor am I sure when he undressed. Everything became a haze of lust and need and pleasure. But when he entered me everything became crystal clear once more. It was strangely exhilarating to be totally at his mercy. I could move my legs and they mostly followed his unspoken commands as well. But with my hands removed from my control I was his—totally his. And he rewarded my trust with the sweetest most mind blowing sensations that my body had every experienced.

I was a screaming, writhing, needy thing by the time I was coming for him. And he was not much better off. He had enough focus to unlock my restraints before he pulled on top of him.

"Ride me." He commanded breathlessly. I was only too happy to comply. It was my turn to devour him with my lips—and his chest was delicious. I moaned in delight as I tasted his flesh with my wet hot tongue.

"Esme… Esme.." Another women would have thought he was simply moaning her name in his pleasure filled psychosis. I knew better.

I drew his hands to my breasts and when he squeezed—I screamed.

I'm sure that all of Forks must have heard at least the moment I released. But I couldn't find the energy to give a crap. I was floating back down—nestled in his embrace while I sprawled my limp body across his chest.

"We really have to stop meeting like this." I joked. He laughed. The movement made my head wobble against his chest. It was the most I could move. My body felt spent.

"I don't know… I feel like I could go a couple more rounds."

I smirked at his confidence but didn't move. Couldn't move. "I'll get you some lotion." I offered. He laughed louder at that. It made me giggle. I loved to hear Carlisle laugh. I don't think I ever heard him laugh when Mary lived next door.

Eventually—probably twenty minutes or so later, I could move my limbs and I lay tracing lazy lines across his chest.

"Carlisle?" I asked. His hands were running along my bare back in the same lazy motions. They stilled when I spoke.

"Yes Esme." I loved it when he said my name now. It was like a caress—his voice would grow deep and intense around the world. Like it was the most important word in his world—deserving of reverence. Silly girl.

"We need to talk." I sat up and his hand moved to my cheek. I leaned into his touch.

He nodded. "Yes… but first we should get dressed." I frowned at the thought. He chuckled again. "Gail told me she would be back in an hour—and that will be up in fifteen minutes."

SHIT! I leapt from the cot and threw on my clothes. Why was he forever destroying my tops? I ran to the back to get a spare and found Carlisle and Gail chatting as if he had just stopped by to say hello.

I turned to the mirror in the bathroom and groaned. My lips were swollen—my hair said good and fucked and… well hell my entire face screamed life altering release.

I shook my head and joined them in the office. "Chief." Gail said going back to her computer without really looking at me. She knew.

"Esme, Gail has been kind enough to call in you deputy for the remainder of the night—I told her that you were not feeling well. Isn't that right?" I nodded though Gail did not look up.

"I'll take her home, thanks again." He flashed her that charming smile that melted my heart and rose to coax me to the door. His eyes told me he was genuinely worried that there might be something wrong with me.

We walked home from the station—in the pouring rain, like when we were kids. It was just like every other moment with Carlisle lately—unbelievable.

It was decided. Edward would come home for his birthday. I would let it be a surprise for Bella—she had such little good news these days. And we would take this relationship public. Though both of us grinned at the thought of how public this could get—had already gotten.

And when we ended up in his bed later that night I felt more and more of the old me slipping away. I wasn't sure who this new person was—but I liked her. I liked how confident she was in his arms. How much she allowed herself to feel. I liked that he liked her—found her desirable. As long as we could be like this together—I would keep on wanting to become her.

Forever.

-**-Bookends-**-

BPOV (the day before Edward's birthday)

Graduation had passed in a bigger blur than prom. They were useless ceremony. I had only graduated because I passed the early out exam. It really didn't mean the same thing to me as it did to Em. And since he was busy helping Rose with her process toward her operation—her real life experience phase—he wasn't even in town to accept his own diploma.

I just did it for mom. She was so freaking proud of both of us. And she was so happy these days that I couldn't bare to disrupt that. I had enough stress keeping me up at nights.

I didn't want to admit anything was wrong. Rose had to leave town—Alice and Jazz were taking care of me now. And that was just pissing me off. I was going to be responsible for this life growing inside of me for the rest of my life—I couldn't be treated like some invalid anymore.

But I was helpless… and I did have to confess this to someone. I had to trust someone soon. I had felt the sharp pains for the last couple of hours and it was beyond irresponsible for me not to do something about it. I couldn't risk my baby's life because I was too chicken shit to admit I was pregnant.

So I ended up in my mother's bedroom—dancing around my purpose.

I sat on the edge of her bed. I felt like I was a five year old again in some ways and yet I felt like I was ancient in others. I hugged my knees as close to my rapidly changing body as I could. I couldn't just come out with the truth first off—so I decided to address the dreams… I kept having the same one over and over. The one that told me that Mike was the best choice for my future—the smart choice.

"Mom?" My voice was scratchy. I couldn't believe the thoughts that were floating through my head. I didn't fucking want them there. I fucking loved Edward with my whole heart and soul.

"What is it Bella?" She sat back on the headboard. Mom learned a long time ago that with me support meant just being here. Touching was only something Edward was allowed to do when I was this upset. And that was only because he refused to let me be.

"Are you happy with Dr. Cullen?" My eyes searched her face like I was staring in to Pandora's Box. It was some mystery that I was terrified to finally have solved. The answer just might kill me.

She smile and this serene peace settled into her eyes. Fuck. Mom had never been so… content. "Yes." She whispered.

I nodded and contemplated that. "Have you ever wondered? What it would have been like… to not have married dad? To be with…" I let the thought trail off unspoken. I went over it and over it in my mind and all I could figure was Dr. Cullen was her Edward.

From the stories I had about the turbulent marriage he had with Mary Alice, he seemed to be the less "safe" choice in her past. Dad was boring and predictable—that made him her Mike. I took a huge amount of comfort from the fact that her Mike was a wash while her Edward made her happy.

"Bella," her voice was clouded with some emotion that I didn't understand. It wasn't regret—more like, experience. "I know that I was not happy with Charlie, but I wouldn't change what I had with him. I got two wonderful kids from it. And, I am who I am today because of what I have survived. Just as Carlisle is who he is because of his first marriage. We were kids before—we didn't know what we wanted." I recognized that last bit for what it was—a thinly veiled direct assault to my relationship with Edward.

Mom could only find so many ways to say slow down and wait. My stomach turned—I was way past the point for that advice I think.

"But, did you ever think while you were married to Dad?... why did choose him?"

She laughed uneasily. "Bella, you assume I had a choice. Your father was the one standing beside me. Carlisle… he was always somewhere else. He just… wasn't there Bella…" I frowned at her words. I had seen the way he looked at her. She was never his second best. I got some sad satisfaction out of that realization. My mom thought she was no big prize while Dr. Cullen treasured her—at least I wasn't the only girl with a lack of self esteem.

"So, if he were available and there was never a dad and a Mary Alice?"

She sighed. "Bella, what is it you are really asking? Who are you replacing Edward with in your scenario?" I bristled as she hit pay dirt. Her face grew shocked and I knew I would regret whatever she said next. "Oh my god! Is it… it's not… Jazz? Is it?"

My mind could not fathom where she even pulled that guess from. Jazz? Really had she never seen him and Alice together? "Really?" My face must have showed how incredibly ludicrous that sounded.

"Don't look at me like that. You two have been spending a lot of time together since Edward left. And he and Alice broke up. And… well who the hell else could it be?"

There was the issue. Not even my mom would think of Mike Newton. Why the fuck was I so hung up on him!

"No one mom." I muttered. My phone vibrated and I saw that Jazz was texting me.

"Oh, Bella, I forgot. I have to pull a double tonight—starting now. Sorry baby. Do you need me to get anything for you tomorrow?" Her eyes were kind of bright when she asked. That baffled me. She knew tomorrow would be a dark day for me. Edward's birthday and no promise of him being here in person—that would not equal me doing anything but wallowing in bed.

I shook my head and went straight to my room. I couldn't even want to tell her about the baby. It was kind of crazy—but I was going to have to trust Jazz to get me some help. I couldn't trust anyone in town—I still wasn't sure mom would appreciate my delicate condition.

Jazz met me at the Volvo ten minutes later. "You sure about this Bella?" He eyed me with brotherly concern. I just nodded miserably. It would be an hour drive to PA and then an hour ride on the ferry, but I couldn't trust that the docs in town wouldn't tell Dr. Cullen. At this point my little secret was a snowball speeding downhill. I would be in more than trouble when my mom finally found out. Deep shit—I would be in deep, deep shit.

"Where's Alice?" I asked as he hit the highway. "She has a fitting for the new tour. She locked herself in her studio all morning. I didn't think it would matter if she came." He turned to me and inspected my eyes and expression. "It doesn't matter does it? You never seem to mind if she is around or not…it's just easier… on me." I nodded. I could understand that. Alice was weird around Jazz these days—fuck! We were all weird around each other. If you had told me four months ago that I would be sitting in a car driving to Canada because I was pregnant and the only person I trusted to come with me was Jazz—I would have punched your fucking lights out over your stupidity. But reality was stranger than fiction.

"So what is it that is happening? I mean… do you know if it is good or bad?"

"Well… it is painful. And I assume pain is not good." My fingers thumped against my growing belly.

"Bella, seriously, when are you going to tell someone? This is kind of… childish."

I glared out the window. "I'm fifteen years old Jazz… technically I am simply acting my age."

"Well then grow up."

I turned to see his eyes dark and troubled. "You have to think about more than yourself right now Bella. That baby needs an adult to take care of them. Trust me—it is no fun to be the parent when you're a kid."

I didn't mean it that way. I just meant… fuck. I was trying to absolve myself of the responsibility I supposed. That just made me hurt more. In all the wrong ways. "Sorry Jazz." I whispered.

-**-Bookends-**-

"Well, Ms. Swan, your blood test will be ready in the morning. And the ultra sound looked normal but I would like to keep you in over night just in case. The cramping worries me too much at the moment. So just relax and I will have your friend come in to stay with you."

"Thanks doctor." It was so weird. Neither of us were over eighteen but the doctor really couldn't deny us. I wondered how long it would take before they called my mom. This couldn't be a good thing. Me in the hospital… the night before Edward's birthday.

Jazz came in—he looked… green. "Bella, what's up?"

"It's just precautionary Jazz. They have to wait for the blood test and he wants to monitor me all night. That's all. Nothing big."

Jazz sat in the chair by the bed. "Bella, please. Let me call someone. Anyone… Isn't there an adult you trust?"

I don't know why she was the first person to pop into my mind, but she was close and she… had earned my respect. "Renee."

Jazz looked relieved beyond the sensation and he called her immediately. I didn't really notice when she arrived. Jazz gave her "the talk" that said she was trusted but not to inform anyone in Forks about this. She informed both of us that she would use her judgment when and if she needed to. Renee talked to the hospital and since she was my legal step mom—she had every right to be the only one they contacted.

All in all it was one of the first nights that I felt a lightening of the weight on my shoulders.

"Bella honey?" Renee said quietly next to me. It was late—I was tired. Jazz was snoring in the recliner in the corner.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to go to the apartment and pick up some things. Do you need me to get you anything?" I shook my head and wanted to cry. Why had I wasted so much of my relationship with her in hatred?

"No thanks. And thank you… thanks for… you know, understanding." I couldn't look at her when I said it. I was proud of my baby—but not proud of the circumstances surrounding this pregnancy.

"Don't worry about anything sweetheart. You'll get through this and you will find a way to let your mom and everyone else know too. You'll see… things have a way of turning out right in the end Bella."

I smiled. When Renee left the room was silent—save Jazz's log sawing.

I yawned. I was exhausted.

This night I was trapped in quite a different dream.

Edward was standing over me next to the raging fire at La Push. His eyes were dark and his face was lethal. His fists balled as if I were an enemy.

"Edward?" Dream me begged.

"You did this Bella. You ruined my life." His voice was a sharp whip that lashed at my flesh.

"No… I… we can make it a good life Edward."

"How… you can't even move." I didn't like this Edward- he was mean and cruel. And he was right…

When I tried to get up I couldn't. I looked down to find my stomach swollen larger than normal. And as I watched it continued to grow. It was an oppressive weight that kept me trapped on the ground. And it hurt.

"Edward please!" I screeched in my dream. "Please help me!"

"You don't want my help Bella. You lied to me. You did this."

I couldn't breath. The mass on my body was growing and stretching and suffocating me. I was racked with pain so blindly that I shot up in bed.

I was covered in sweat—and gasping for breath. I looked over at the clock. 12:01—Edward was officially eighteen years old. I didn't have time to give a shit.

My stomach cramped so hard that I screamed. Jazz was up and holding me in the next second. The monitors that I was hooked up to were blaring and someone turned on the lights.

My mind fucking stopped.

Everything stopped.

I wanted to die.

I thought maybe I was dying.

Maybe I was already dead.

I couldn't hear Jazz screaming my name.

I couldn't see the doctors trying to move my body.

I couldn't even remember where I was.

All I knew was that I covered in blood.