A/N: I love how into this you guys have gotten. Many of you are obviously picking up where this is going. I fought tooth and nail not to go there, but alas, these MOTU characters are extremely bossy. I don't own them, by the way. That's why they can get away with bossing me around.
"I should have been there for him," Randor said softly before Duncan could begin. "It must have been so hard for him, to shoulder such a tremendous responsibility at such a young age. I would have understood. I could have helped him through it."
Duncan blew out a light breath, comprehension dawning on his face. "Because you became king before you were ready."
Randor nodded, feeling the sharp sting of regret deep in his heart. "Tell me how he's handled it, Duncan. I know only the façade he has put on for us the last six years. I don't know my son anymore. What was it like at first for him?"
"Adam was always a bit mature for his age," Duncan said slowly. "I know he clowned around a lot, but underneath there was a keen understanding of situations that he kept hidden much of the time, even before he took the sword." He hesitated.
"Why would he do that?" Randor asked, sensing he would not like the answer.
"I think, Your Majesty, that he was afraid his true self would not be good enough for others…especially you. He hated disappointing you. In a way, I think he found it easier to disappoint you upfront than to risk trying and not earning your approval." Duncan stopped, gazing at his friend with sympathy and understanding in his eyes.
The words pierced Randor's heart. He knew he had always been hard on Adam. One reason was that underneath, he always feared losing the boy. Another reason was that he didn't want Adam to feel as unprepared as he had felt when he became king.
"Go on," Randor said heavily.
"In spite of his inner maturity, Adam treated the entire thing like a game for the first nine months or so," Duncan recalled, still speaking slowly, as if wanting to make sure the words came out right. "I think, at first, he thought it was only for a few months. As his nineteenth birthday approached, he started realizing that it could be many, many years before he defeated Skeletor and his minions. As that reality set in, so did the fact that your opinion of him, and Teela's opinion of him, and indeed the entire population's opinion, were not going to change anytime soon. He tried to pretend it didn't matter to him, but it did."
"And he fell into a depression," Randor supplied in a subdued tone. He recalled that time period well. Adam had become quiet and withdrawn, but would never share with his parents what was wrong, no matter how they had pushed and prodded. It had been one of the most worrisome times of Randor's and Marlena's lives. Adam refused to attend parties. He lost weight from not eating; he merely sat there and pushed the food around on his plate. Shaking away the thoughts, the king glared at Duncan now. "Marlena and I were worried sick that he was going to commit suicide. Didn't you think then that we should know?"
"Yes," Duncan admitted to the king's surprise. "But the Sorceress adamantly overruled me. She kept watch on Adam every minute of every hour possible except when she slept. When she wasn't able to watch him, I did. And if I couldn't, I had Teela watch him."
A light went on in Randor's mind. "That's when you assigned Teela as his bodyguard." He had forgotten the timing of that particular act. At the time it had worried him because it seemed to send Adam even further into depression, instead of helping him. Now it made so much sense.
Duncan nodded. "That's right." He cleared his throat. "Adam was always a positive person, Sire, so it wasn't too long—although it felt like forever—until we were able to get him to focus on the good he was doing, instead of the sacrifices he was making. His generous nature, thinking of others first, is one of the reasons he was chosen to be He-Man. Since his twentieth birthday, he has been accepting of his role. He sometimes longed for certain things, but he never lost focus again."
Randor stared at Duncan without really seeing him for several long moments. Adjusting his own opinion of his son was harder than he had expected. It was also difficult to forgive himself for the pressures he had unwittingly placed upon Adam.
"Sire?" Duncan asked respectfully.
Randor shook his head, coming back to the present. "I need to reflect on what you've said," he explained quietly, motioning to the door. "I'll come find you when I'm ready to hear more."
"All right," Duncan agreed, rising. His black eyes held Randor's for a moment. "You might also consider talking to your son instead."
"I think that's everything," He-Man said, setting the last box down in Teela's room. With his speed and strength, unloading the boxes from the attack trak had proved to be a simple task.
Teela frowned. "I think there was one small one of mine that might have slipped under a seat or something," she said. "Father gave it to me just before we left. I'll run down and get it."
"All right, but don't go wandering around the castle without me," He-Man warned her, his blue eyes holding hers firmly for a moment. "It's not safe."
"I know, I know," Teela said irritably. She frowned to herself as she walked down the steps. She hated being so snippy with him. She missed the camaraderie they had once shared as they worked together, whether he was He-Man or Adam. She had worked well with both of them—when Adam had worked, that is.
Upon reaching the ground floor, she heard a few notes of music. It was exquisite—light, clear, and cheerful. She paused, listening until it came again, longer this time. It seemed to call to her, and before Teela quite realized it, she was following the sound. He-Man's warning echoed in her mind, but she shoved it aside. He certainly didn't have the right to boss her around, and she could take care of herself. Besides, music certainly couldn't hurt her.
She followed the sounds to a large, cavernous room, where it seemed an entire orchestra had taken residence. The music had swelled, and now included multiple instruments, their sounds echoing off of the walls around her and filling her mind and heart with feelings of well-being and joy. Teela spread her arms out, wanting to be caught up in the music, to be a part of it.
"Teela!" A hand grabbed her boot and she felt a sharp jerk, which brought her down into He-Man's arms. He looked up. "Silence, please!" The music stopped instantly.
"What-what happened?" Teela asked faintly. She felt as if she had been dreaming, and being held in He-Man's arms, her head against his chest where she could hear the wild thumping of his heart, only added to that sensation.
"You fell into one of Grayskull's traps," He-Man bit off. "Another few seconds and you would have been through a dimensional gate, headed for who knows where." He grabbed her shoulders tightly and pushed her back slightly. "I told you not to go anywhere without me, Teela. Just because you know now that I'm Adam doesn't mean you owe me any less respect."
Coming out of her haze as he spoke, Teela could only gape for a moment. Then she shoved at him to break his hold on her arms and glared. "This has nothing to do with respect!" she snapped at him.
"Doesn't it?" he challenged her, his fists going to his hips. "Go ahead, Teela, tell me you still think of me the same way now that you know I don't fit on that pedestal you set He-Man on." His eyes flashed angrily at her.
"Of course I don't think of you the same!" she cried, nearly stamping her foot in frustration. "You're not who I thought you were! You're not even the person I grew up with! I don't know you anymore! And that's not my fault. You're the one who spent the last six years lying to me."
"I didn't-" He-Man broke off, his shoulders slumping slightly. "Never mind. Just be careful, please. You're not familiar with Grayskull, and there are traps everywhere. The Castle means you no harm, but you still have to be careful of the traps." His tone was empty, and in spite of her anger, Teela found herself wanting to reach out to him and soothe away the pain that had to be hiding behind the emotionless façade.
That desire didn't translate into what came out of her mouth, however. The feeling of betrayal was still too fresh. Ignoring most of what he had said, Teela repeated, "You didn't what? You didn't lie to me?"
"Teela, please," He-Man said in a weary tone. "Let's not go through it again."
She plunged ahead anyway, her frustrations compounded by being required to take a two-week vacation she hadn't asked for. "You deceived me Adam. You deceived us all. Maybe that's not a lie in your book, but it is in mine. You deliberately set out to mislead us about who you were."
"That's right, I did!" He-Man snapped, stepping closer to her. "And as I said before, I'd do it again. I would do anything to protect you. If that's a crime, then slap me in the dungeon."
"That's not justification enough for deceiving us all this time," Teela said sharply.
He-Man's eyes flashed with anger, but he bit off whatever he had been about to say. His jaw clenched and he stared up at the ceiling for a moment, swallowing hard. When he spoke again, his voice was carefully neutral. "I'm going to go unpack. When you think you can tolerate my presence long enough to get a tour of the castle, let me know."
Teela watched him go, her heart screaming at her to stop him, to fix things between them. But instead she just let him walk away, then she sank to the ground, tears streaming down her face. The music in the room began playing again and she looked up, annoyed. "Oh, shut up," she said on a half-sob. The music continued, and she scrambled mentally to remember what He-Man had said, even as she found herself standing and swaying to the music. "Silence, please!" she shouted. The music stopped abruptly, and she fell back to the floor, still sobbing.
"Teela."
The Sorceress' gentle voice broke through her turmoil, and Teela looked up into a concerned face. "Why did you make him lie to us all this time?" she asked, her anger gone for the moment. In its place was a deep sadness she thought might never go away. She hiccupped.
"Oh, Teela," the Sorceress said sympathetically, dropping to her knees before her. "You already know the answer to that. You saw what Skeletor did to Adam's room when he believed He-Man to be in there. If-"
"But why couldn't he tell us?" Teela cried, tears still streaming down her face.
"Because you had no faith in him," the Sorceress said quietly. Teela's mouth dropped open. "My dear girl, think of the things He-Man has done. Do you think for a moment that his parents or his bodyguard would have allowed it?" Teela cringed, and the Sorceress sighed. "In the natural course of things, either He-Man would eventually have no longer been needed, or, if you cared deeply enough for Adam to begin to fight against his deception, you would have figured out the truth. None of this would have been necessary."
"Are you saying I didn't care for Adam?" Teela demanded. "He's like a brother to me!"
"He was once," the Sorceress agreed. "What are you now, Teela? What were you before this happened?" There was no judgment in her face or voice, just a gentle curiosity.
Ram-Man's words came back to Teela, and her face fell. "A poor friend," she admitted. "From the first time he ran away to become He-Man." She frowned darkly. "If I had known the truth from the start-"
"You can make that argument all you want," the Sorceress said calmly, "but we cannot change the past. All you are doing is hiding from your feelings of guilt."
Teela laughed harshly. "What do I have to feel guilty about?" But she knew the answer, and she ducked her head as the Sorceress simply stared at her. "I feel terrible about the way I treated him," she admitted lowly.
"And to cover that, you are lashing out in anger at He-Man, who may deserve it but certainly does not need it," the Sorceress observed.
Teela didn't answer. She couldn't, because she knew the Sorceress was right. As angry as she was with Adam's deception, it was nothing compared to the ever-present feeling of guilt gnawing away at her conscience. And as was typical for her, the best defense against that was to lash out. She dropped her face into her hands. "I'm making everything worse," she said softly. "I can't seem to talk to him without getting upset."
"It's understandable, Teela," the Sorceress said, placing a gentle hand on Teela's shoulder. "It's a terrible shock to learn someone is not who you thought he was. It changes your entire relationship, and neither of you is sure where you stand any longer. You must be patient, and allow your friendship to re-form."
Teela smiled wryly. "I'm not the patient type," she admitted. The music in the room began to play again, and she frowned. "Silence, please!" she said, annoyed. Quiet descended once more.
"I see you have learned the secret of the Heart Room," the Sorceress observed with a smile.
"Heart Room?" Teela repeated. "Why is it called that? He-Man said it was a trap."
"For someone whose heart is evil, it would be," the Sorceress agreed. "The castle searches your innermost yearnings, Teela, and teleports you to where your heart most desires to be. Those who are evil and search for power and glory often have underlying desires they do not know of. I am sure they never wind up in a place that allows them to rise to power, but what happens to them I do not know."
"It takes you to your heart's desire," Teela murmured in a wistful tone. She looked up at the Sorceress, biting her lip for a second. "Do you...do you think it would take me to my mother?"
"I do not know, Teela," the Sorceress replied. She stood and offered Teela a hand, a strangely sad look on her face. "Perhaps. But there could be something you want even more." She smiled. "It might take you right into He-Man's room, because what you want most right now might be to fix your relationship with him."
"It might be," Teela admitted.
He-Man stared at his hands, which were shaking. He blinked his eyes hard, trying to rid himself of the dizziness he felt. He sat down on his bed and drew in a deep breath. Battle Cat, sensing He-Man's need, came over and put his bare head on He-Man's lap, allowing his partner to stroke him.
"I should take your saddle off, Cat," He-Man muttered, but he didn't move. There was a knock at the door.
"He-Man?" Teela called.
He-Man's stomach clenched. He thought of sending her away, but she might as well know all the truth. She would one day anyway, when she became the Sorceress. "Come on in, Teela," he said, but he didn't look up. He just kept stroking Battle Cat's head.
Teela started across the room, then stopped short, staring at him. "What's wrong with you?" she said, fear in her voice. "Why is your hand shaking like that?"
"Adrenaline withdrawal," He-Man said matter-of-factly.
"What are you talking about?" Teela demanded.
He-Man sighed. "Part of my strength comes from abnormally high levels of adrenaline. Duncan once told me, in fact, that if a normal human being had adrenaline levels that high, it would kill them. Those levels can take a long time to subside when I remain He-Man for more than a day or so." He ran a hand through his hair. "After an event like this morning's, on top of the continuous stress of the last two weeks, my adrenaline levels were probably off the charts. Once the adrenaline gets to a more 'normal' level, my body tends to react like this." He glanced at the time, wondering if it might help to eat something.
"So when you were Adam, you had these…these shakes, and hid it from us?" Teela asked, anger creeping into her voice.
He-Man shook his head. "No. When I relinquished the power, the magic took the adrenaline with it, and Adam's body was returned to normal, almost as if nothing had happened. I was just tired." He gave her a lopsided grin. "That's why I was always napping. I had to sleep it off."
"Oh." Teela took a moment to stand still, obviously processing this information, then sat down next to him on the bed. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
He-Man looked at her for a second, trying to gauge her attitude, then decided to take a chance on teasing her. "You can pick another fight and get my adrenaline pumping again." He grinned and winked at her.
To his relief, Teela laughed, although it was half-hearted. Then she laid her head on his shoulder, as she used to when they were teenagers and she was confiding in him. He went still as she wrapped her hands around his forearm. He had put on the clothes Marlena had given him, but even so, her touch startled him.
"I'm so sorry, Adam." It came out as a whisper, and glancing down, he could see she had her eyes closed.
"It's all right," he said tenderly, dropping a brotherly kiss onto her hair. "You're entitled to your feelings."
"Well, I'm sorry about that too," she admitted lowly, "but I'm even more sorry for the way I've treated you all these years."
He twisted, forcing her to lift her head, and stared into her eyes. "Don't ever, ever apologize to me for that," he said intently. "It was my choice to hide the truth. You were only reacting to what you knew."
Instead of reassuring her, his words seemed to upset her. Her eyes filled with tears. "How can you not hate me?" she whispered.
"For what? Believing what I wanted to you to believe?" He-Man shook his head, feeling a touch of self-loathing. "You have nothing to apologize for, Teela. I'm the one who's sorry. I-" He stopped speaking when Teela put a finger to his lips.
"Why don't we just agree to forgive each other and move on?" she suggested, some of her spark returning to her eyes. "Otherwise, we could be here forever blaming ourselves."
He-Man chuckled at that. "You might be right." He looked at her, a flicker of apprehension making his fist clench slightly. "Can you really forgive me, Teela?"
Her face softened. "I do forgive you, Adam. At least I'm trying to. It's just sometimes I feel so angry at...at the whole situation."
He snorted softly. "I can relate to that. I felt that way for the first two years."
"Really?" Teela asked, surprise widening her eyes.
He-Man offered her a lopsided grin. "I'm not an angel, Teela. I get just as frustrated as anyone else, remember?"
"Yeah," she responded softly, gazing into his eyes.
He-Man's breath caught. The air suddenly seemed charged with electricity, and he wanted to reach out, to stroke her face. Then Teela stiffened and stood up, pacing. He-Man raised an eyebrow, knowing instinctively that she was perturbed over something else that had come to mind. "What is it?"
Teela didn't answer, but went to the window and stared out. Color crept around the back of her neck. He-Man's heart lurched slightly; either she was very angry or very embarrassed. He stood, feeling steadier now, then took a deep breath and walked up behind her, careful not to touch her. "Teela, what's on your mind?"
Teela struggled to get her emotions under control. She didn't want to fight with him anymore. But the memories that suddenly flooded her mind enraged her. She placed her hands on the cool stone of the window sill and spoke, her voice tight. "I need to know something."
"I'll answer if I can," He-Man replied quietly.
She didn't turn around. She couldn't bear to look at him. "You never even so much as looked at a woman as He-Man, or if you did, it was so subtle no one recognized it. I assume that was to protect others. But as Adam, you…you were a constant flirt." She flung the words as an accusation. She heard and felt him take a step back from her, but still she didn't turn.
"It was one of the differences I could easily establish between He-Man and Adam. You know I never went beyond flirting. Is there a question coming?" He-Man asked in a level tone. Teela knew she was hurting him, but she couldn't help it.
"You asked me as Adam if I liked you more than He-Man. Then as He-Man you asked me if I preferred someone like you or Adam. Why?" Furious and embarrassed, Teela whirled around. "Were you just playing around, enjoying the fact that I didn't know the truth?"
He-Man lowered his head for a moment, then looked up, regret in his eyes. "Maybe I was, a little," he admitted softly.
"You creep!" Teela screeched at him, her hands balling into fists. He-Man took another step back, no doubt expecting her to try to hit him again.
"Teela, please let me continue," he said, an odd tone in his voice. She closed her eyes, counted to ten, and nodded tightly. When she opened her eyes, she found that his cheeks had begun reddening. "The main reason was that I needed to understand where both Adam and I stood with you. I had to make sure you weren't…" he swallowed hard, his face flaming now, "falling for me as He-Man, both because it wasn't safe, and because you so clearly held so much contempt for me as Adam."
Teela's anger disintegrated and her eyes filled with tears. Contempt? She might have been aggravated by his laziness and apparent carefree attitude, but did he really think she viewed him with contempt? Looking into his eyes now, the truth pierced her. He truly had believed it—believed that not only had she had a distinct lack of respect for him, but that she actually disliked him. "I never," she choked out as tears spilled down, "never meant to make you feel that way, Adam. You've always been like a brother to me. I assumed you knew how much you meant to me."
"I knew," He-Man assured her. He moved back towards her, reached out and cupped her face gently. "Our relationship was complicated after I became He-Man. I knew you still cared for me as a friend, Teela, but I killed the respect you once had for me. I didn't see that I had any other choice. So I just tried to remember our friendship as it was before, and reminded myself all the time that when you knew the truth, we would have that back again."
Teela barely heard what he said, because his simple touch was evoking reactions she hadn't often experienced. Her breathing quickened and her lips parted almost involuntarily. Her eyes locked with his, and she could see his eyes darken...in awareness? In desire? She couldn't tell. She just wasn't used to an attraction this strong-she had never felt it before…not for Adam, not for He-Man, not for anyone. Her world suddenly felt upside-down.
"At least I hope we can have that friendship back again," He-Man whispered, his eyes still meeting hers. "Can we, Teela?"
It took a moment for her to register what he was asking. She licked her lips and swallowed hard. He dropped his hand but didn't move, waiting for her answer. "I-I hope we can too," she replied in a wavering voice. "I want to be that close again, Adam."
He-Man's smile lit up his face, and she found herself wanting to bring that smile to his face again and again. It was Adam's smile, boyish, mischievous, and full of life. She recognized it now, recognized her childhood friend with both her eyes and her heart. She cleared her throat. "I'd better go get that bag. I never did grab it."
She could almost see the warning come to He-Man's lips, but he bit it back this time and simply stepped back to allow her to leave the room. Teela forced her eyes away from him, saying, "I'll see you in just a bit for lunch, right?"
"Sure," came his easy reply. Teela walked out wondering how such a powerful moment could have had so little effect on him, when she felt as if her legs were barely strong enough to get to the door.
The Sorceress left them to themselves for lunch, but made it a point to later seek out Teela. She found her in the workout room, lifting weights that looked far too heavy for such a slim woman. She waited until Teela was done with her repetitions before speaking, taking advantage of the moment to drink in every detail of her daughter, from the flaming red hair so like her own to the eyes that were squeezed shut as she heaved against the weights. Ancients, but she ached to hold her, to tell her the truth of who she was.
The Sorceress took a deep breath and wiped the thoughts from her mind. She carefully arranged her features into a resemblance of peace as Teela put the heavy bar down.
"Shouldn't you have someone in here with you when you work with those?" the Sorceress asked as kindly as she could, even though her heart was pounding as she began to realize how dangerous it was for Teela to be lifting such heavy weights alone.
Teela sat up quickly, startled. "I guess so," she admitted. "But I didn't want to bother you, and I needed some space from He-Man for a while." She rose and walked to the wall where a bright yellow towel hung. She grabbed it and wiped gently at her face.
"You could never bother me, Teela," the Sorceress assured her, hoping her voice and expression conveyed how true that statement was. Teela smiled briefly, then took a long drink of water. "Are you and Adam still, ah, tense with each other?"
Teela sighed and flung the towel over her shoulder. "Not tense. Just…uncomfortable. It's so weird between us all of a sudden. It's like I'm seeing him in a whole new light, and no matter how much I knew about him as Adam and He-Man, I have to get to know him all over again. He's not really either person. He's something in between."
The Sorceress considered Teela's words for a moment. "There are superficial differences Adam created to hide his identity," she agreed slowly. "But at the core, they are the same. Adam's values and integrity are He-Man's. Adam was never irresponsible as many thought; he was simply held to a responsibility that no one else was aware of. What differences are you struggling with?" Her heart pounded within her. She felt as if she were being a true mother to Teela for the first time since she had held her has a baby, and though she hated that her daughter was experiencing this turmoil, a part of her rejoiced in being able to help her.
Teela opened her mouth to answer, then closed it. She sat down heavily on a bench, and the Sorceress took a seat next to her, her body angled towards her daughter. She could sense Teela's trepidation, a fear that she would not understand. "You can tell me, Teela. Whatever it is that is bothering you, I will not think less of you for it."
"Well, what you said, you're right, I guess," Teela finally responded, wringing her hands a bit. She forced them apart and took a breath. "It's just that I've thought of them as two different people for so long. And in so many ways it makes sense, but…" Her voice trailed off. "Sorceress, when it came to me, he really was two different people. He-Man flirted with me a little. At the same time, he treated me like a fellow warrior and a casual friend. But Adam…I grew up with him. He was like a little brother—a pain at times, but I loved him. When he started putting on his act, I was so angry with him for not living up to who I thought he should be. But he hardly ever treated me any differently than he had growing up, no matter how I treated him."
The Sorceress waited, sensing Teela was thinking through the matter a bit more, delving into her feelings in a positive way for perhaps the first time.
Finally, her patience was rewarded. Teela looked up and met the Sorceress' eyes. "Basically, Adam was my brother. He-Man was an unattainable romantic fantasy. I'm a bit flipped out that they're one and the same."
The Sorceress raised an eyebrow. "Just a bit?"
Teela blew out a breath and smirked. "Okay, I'm really flipped out."
The Sorceress chuckled gently. "I would be as well, I believe. But Teela, did you really have romantic feelings for He-Man?"
"I-" Teela hesitated again. "I looked at him differently. I wasn't in love with him, I just was sort of in awe of him—his skill as a warrior, his demeanor, everything."
"Perhaps like a student having a crush on a teacher," the Sorceress supplied.
Teela's eyes lit up. "That's it exactly. I never thought we'd be together, but I compared every man I met against him." She blushed lightly, then shuddered. "For that to be Adam I was comparing everyone to…it just seems wrong."
"It's not," the Sorceress said firmly. "Adam was and is a wonderful man, and any woman would be lucky to have him. And in spite of the fact that you grew up with him, he is not your brother." She tilted her head, studying Teela carefully, but cautious not to read her daughter's mind. Perhaps it was best that things had worked out this way. She had always believed deep down that her daughter and Adam were meant to be together, somehow, but she could see now that Teela would never have looked at Adam that way. Perhaps now things would change between the two of them.
Teela gave a weak smile and nodded. "I know you're right. I guess I'll get used to it in time." She reached out and grasped the Sorceress' hand. "Thank you so much. I love Father, but I really needed a woman to talk to…and I could hardly talk to Queen Marlena." She smile turned into a smirk.
The Sorceress' throat constricted, but she managed a nod and a smile. "You're very welcome," she finally said, squeezing Teela's hand. "Anytime."