Tony rested his head against the cool window and tried to keep from sighing as he could practically hear McGee's mind working on how to jump start the conversation he was sure the younger man thought they needed to have.
"Tony, are you really sleeping?"
Might as well get it over with seeing as his 'put McGee to drive and fake sleep'- plan wasn't working the way he hoped. He let out the heavy sigh he had been holding before opening his eyes and raising his head to look at the other agent.
"What do you think McSherlock?"
He felt kind of bad for the way Tim seemed to flinch as if he'd just slapped him, but on the other hand it served him right for ruining his master plan.
"Well obviously you weren't sleeping, just thought I'd give you the out."
And just like that Tony felt bad all over again, before the feeling was overridden by the feeling of stupidity at exposing himself when he could have kept up the act.
"Yeah, well my cover's blown now." He rubbed a tired hand over his face and from the corner of his eye he could see the sympathy on McGee's face.
There was a momentary pause as Tim tried to figure out what to say, before he just blurted out
"I- we're worried about you." He knew it was the wrong thing to say from the way Tony straightened and his shoulders seemed to tense.
"And who might 'we' be?" Tony asked in a clipped tone.
"Well Me, Abby and Ducky and Gibbs-" At the last name on the list Tony couldn't help the snort that escaped his lips.
"Yeah, Think He's too busy wooing the newest Mrs. Gibbs candidate to even think about me." The words were meant to be said in an indifferent tone but instead the hurt and defeat could be heard so clearly that it made Tim frown.
"I don't think-" Tim started but was cut off by Tony who put a hand on his arm to halt get his attention.
"Don't-" And as he risked a glance at the older man, Tim could see his whole body telegraph a very clear message of Don't go there. Wisely he let that particular matter drop, but he knew he'd have to talk to Tony eventually about the fact that Gibbs really did care as the other man seemed to have missed all the times the lead agent threw his concerned glances his way during the past few months. Gibbs had even tried to approach Tony about what was wrong with him, but every time he tried, Ziva would interrupt and redirect Gibbs' attention to her.
But right now wasn't the time to try and convince Tony of that.
"Are you thinking of leaving?" Abby had brought that possibility to Tim's attention and the way Tony seemed surprised by the question, but didn't deny it made Tim's gut clench at the thought that Abby was right to be worried.
McGee pulled up at the side of the road so they could have this conversation face to face.
"Why?"
The question was met by a humorless laugh by Tony and a pair of anguished hazel eyes locking with his own.
"Why? You really need to ask that?" Tony shook his head before settling against the back rest and looking out of the front window.
"I can't keep doing this Tim. I can handle him being with someone else, I can be happy for him, but I can't keep having it thrown at my face every-fucking-day that I will never have the man I love. " He cringed as he realized he'd said too much and sure enough he could hear the sharp intake of breath coming from his left.
Tony took a deep breath and did his best to compose himself so he wouldn't embarrass himself any further.
"Tony-" Tim tried to wrap his head around the fact that the older man had just confessed to being in love with their boss. He'd known there were some pretty strong feelings there, but to actually hear Tony call it love- Well he sure hadn't expected that.
"It's okay McAwkward, lets just get to Baltimore before Gibbs notices were slacking off."
Tony gave Tim a weak smile that was supposed to be reassuring, before letting his head drop against the headrest and closing his eyes, effectively letting Tim know he was done with the conversation.
And this time McGee let him be.
When they got back to the NCIS with their perp in tow, it was already late in the evening since they'd had to stay in Baltimore to sort out a mountain of paperwork before they were allowed anywhere with their guy.
Gibbs was waiting for the two agents in the bullpen when they arrived after escorting the perp to the holding cells. Tony couldn't see Ziva or her stuff so he assumed that she'd been sent home already.
Usually the fact that Gibbs had stayed to wait for them would have made his belly flutter by the show of caring, but right now he couldn't help but think how pissed the older man must be to have been kept at work when his fiancee was waiting for him at home.
"Everything go okay?" Gibbs asked the two agents, causing Tony to blink tiredly as his exhausted mind tried to wrap itself around the fact that the older man didn't sound annoyed. He shrugged his shoulders mentally as McGee answered the question, although Tony was too tired to pay attention to what that answer entailed.
Apparently whatever the other agent said was enough to satisfy their boss as the man just nodded his head and told them to go home and get some rest.
McGee said his good nights and in less than a minute he was already getting in the elevator and heading out.
Tony just shook his head at the hurry Tim showed and more sedately gathered his own gear.
"Night Boss" Tony called over his shoulder as he made his way over to the elevator and once it arrived, he stepped in and let himself relax.
He closed his eyes and stretched his arms over his head a satisfying pop sounding from his back. He hadn't noticed that he wasn't the only one in the elevator until the car came to shuddering halt and the lights flickered before switching to the emergency mode.
Tony spun around quickly only to freeze as he caught sight of his boss standing right in front of him.
"Um, Boss?" He watched as Gibbs ran his eyes over his face before settling so that their eyes were locked together.
"Needed to talk to you in private."
Tony hoped the ground would open and swallow him and he almost banged his head against the wall in frustration. Obviously Ziva had told her fiance that she'd spilled the beans and now Gibbs was worried that he would talk.
He was berating himself for thinking that the concern he saw in Gibbs' eyes could be directed at him and he tried to hide the hurt at knowing the older man obviously didn't trust him to keep a secret.
"Look I'm tired and Ziva already swore me to secrecy so can we just skip this whole thing."
Gibbs raised his eyebrow at that, he was even more worried now that he could really see how dark the circles under Tony's eyes had gotten and how his clothes seemed to hang off his frame, the desperation in the younger man's eyes as he pleaded with him also gave him pause. And what the hell had Ziva got to do with this?
"I just wanted to know if you're feeling alright Tony. You haven't exactly been yourself lately and You obviously haven't been sleeping well. What's up with you?" For the first time in a long while Tony started to really hope that maybe Gibbs really did care, even if it wasn't the way he wanted. But the next words out of the older man's mouth made his heart harden and he again berated his own stupidity. "And what exactly did she swore you to secrecy about?"
Tony couldn't take it anymore and he stepped closer to the other man so their noses were practically touching and he dabbed a vicious finger into the ex-marine's chest.
"You really don't give a damn do you? You only want to make sure I won't spill the beans before you two are ready to have your big party to announce it properly. Fuck you Gibbs, and you won't have to worry about me telling anyone about your plans of marrying Ziva. Congratulations about that by the way. Now If were done here I'm sure your wife will be waiting for you at home and I have an resignation to write!"
The anger suddenly drained from him leaving Tony emotionally spent as well as physically exhausted as he took a step back. "Please Gibbs, I can't do this anymore."
Gibbs was shocked by the outburst and as soon as he saw Tony's anger die and heard the pleading words from the other man, he saw the effort it was taking from him just to stay standing so he stepped forward and pulled the exhausted man into his arms into a tight hug.
"What on earth are you talking about Tony?" He whispered into the younger man's ear as he felt the tremors coursing through his body. Jethro was at a loss as to how to help the man in his arms who clearly had no idea how much he meant to him.
"I know you love her and Ziva told me about the proposal and I promised her not to tell anyone. Why couldn't you trust me?" The words held so much pain that Gibbs felt his own heart clench and he pulled back a bit and used one of his hands to tilt the younger man's face up so he was looking at the younger man's face even if the Italian was avoiding making eye contact.
"Tony, I don't want you to leave NCIS, I need you right here with me and I do trust you Tony, there's no one I trust more." He took a deep breath before continuing with the thing that had him puzzled more than anything. "And yes me and Ziva are seeing each other like we told you guys, but there must be some kind of misunderstanding since I have not, nor am I planning to, propose to her. I have no idea where you could have gotten the idea that I even want to marry her."
Tony looked up sharply at the last comment and his wide hazel eyes met the honest blue eyes of Jethro. He could feel his head start to spin as he tried to make sense of what he had just been told.
Tony's legs buckled as his mind shut down as the new piece of information was just too much for his tired mind to comprehend and his exhausted body slid from Gibbs' grasp to rest in a heap on the dirty floor of the elevator.
TBC...
A/N: Okay so what did ya think? Poor Tony for having a break down... I really need to be nicer to the guy. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, the comments always make me smile and I really need the smiles right now.
Oh and the next chapter will be up on Friday evening.