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Tony held Michelle's hand as she slowly came to. She had slept for quite a long time after the operation whilst the anaesthetic wore off. She now had a neat bandage over her wound and ice plate was covering the wound and some of her eye for the swelling. Finally she opened her eyes and kept them open. Even in her groggy state he could see the nervousness across her face.
He leaned over her and kissed her forehead. "Hey beautiful."
"Hey."
"Dad said everything went really smoothly and hopefully after some time you will barely even see any scar at all."
"That's great, I am so thankful to your Dad."
He stood up and then sat beside her on the bed. "I spoke to Michael sweetheart and then to Danny...who sends his love and we need to call him as soon as you are up to it."
Michelle had no idea what to say. She knew Tony knew everything now and she couldn't imagine what he must be thinking. She could feel her stomach doing flips.
HE gave her a look of admiration. "You know, I think every minute I am with you, the more I learn about you, the deeper I fall in love with you. I didn't even think that was possible. I thought just yesterday I loved you as much as it was possible and yet now I find myself in even deeper."
Although it was the hands down the nicest most amazing thing anyone had ever said to her she didn't quite know how to take it. "You don't have to say that Tony. The fact that you are even here is a massive surprise."
"Chelle, when we were buying the TV's you made the comment that you didn't really like living on your own, is that because of Douglas?"
"Yes."
He nodded his head as he spoke. "Baby, I'm struggling so hard to understand why on earth you said all those things to me before you went in for the surgery? Why you would think for a second that I could possibly be disappointed or angry with you over what happened?"
"I don't understand?"
"You don't understand what?"
"Why you wouldn't be all those things with me Tony."
He just looked at her in complete and utter shock, he was simply lost for words.
"Look Tony, you are a nice guy, a good guy so I know it is hard for you to understand all of this. I want more than anything in the world for things to work between us but the last thing I want to do is let you down or upset you more than I already have..."
"Baby, you haven't upset me..."
"What? Are you forgetting just the last few nights? How angry you have been at some of the things that have happened or the way I have handled things?"
He was still shaking his head in disbelief. "Are you even going to compare what happened between us to what happened with Douglas? Most of our arguments were my fault for the way I acted in the first place...let's make sure we have got that straight! And from what I have heard you didn't do anything wrong, this guy stalked you, and abused you just because you didn't want to be with him..."
"Well I had to have done something wrong or else he wouldn't have done it."
Michelle started to shift around in the bed. He could see she was so uncomfortable. She looked over at the machine and then down at how it was attached to her arm. She looked like she was about to start getting up. He put his hands on her shoulders. "You can't get up Chelle."
"I just want to get out of the bed. Do I need to be attached to..."
"Why so you can leave? Why do you want to get up?"
"Tony..."
"No CHelle...you would be trying to leave right now if you weren't attached to that machine. You don't need to run away from this anymore. So much make sense now...all these times I have to force you to not run..."
Michelle wasn't use to being confronted on all of this. Nobody but Danny really knew what she had been through, she hadn't ever allowed someone in as close as Tony was and it was hard, it was scary and she didn't know how to handle it.
"What are you scared of Chelle? You think things are going to get out of control and I will hurt you?"
"I never said that."
"That's what you are thinking though. You are afraid that if you get someone too angry, disappointed or mad then they are going to lose it with you. I'm right aren't I?"
She stared at him, unsure of what to say or do. She knew in her heart Tony would never hit her but he was right, she had gotten so use to having to run from Doug, that it had become her first line of defence. He was staring at her demanding an answer. He looked mad.
"RIGHT?" He raised his voice at her.
Her voice was weak and quiet. "I know you would never hurt me Tony, if that's what you are worried about."
"I am worried about you Michelle. I am worried that you are taking blame for this fucking asshole's behaviour. That he has got you so scared that you are worried about upsetting someone. That's why you tried to leave after I got mad about Nick, that's why you tried so hard to pretend you were ok after what happened with Sam, that's why you were worried about speaking up and telling me how much pain you were in! You think you need to take the blame for everything."
"I stood up to him you know. I got him put in jail didn't I?"
He leaned forward so that their faces were just a few inches apart. "Yes you did and I am so proud of you, that just proves how amazing you are. But you are scared to death of what is going to happen when he gets out and you are scared to death of ever being in that kind of situation again, that's why you do everything to look after everyone around you...but who are you letting look after you Chelle? Who the fuck has been looking after you?"
She was shocked. How the hell did he know all that?
He put his hand gently on her cheek and made her look him in the eyes. "Who has been looking after you?"
A tear rolled down her cheek. "How do you know all that?"
He lowered his voice. "Oh My God sweetheart. I know you. Don't you get it yet? I am so in love with you, I can see all of this. So much makes sense to me now that I know what happened to you."
"You must be so ashamed of me, so disappointed that I have been so weak..."
"STOP! Stop...don't you dare say another word like that." Her eyes lowered. "No, look at me Michelle, look at me."
She looked at him.
"Do you trust me?"
She nodded her head.
"No, tell me."
"I trust you Tony."
"Do you love me Michelle?"
"You know..."
"No, I want you to tell me...do you love me?"
"Yes, I love you."
"Tell me why you would think I would be disappointed in you?"
"Because I am a trained federal agent and I got the shit beaten out of me repeatedly. I'm supposed to help save other people's lives and look after them and yet I couldn't even defend myself."
"Sweetheart, just because you are an agent doesn't make you some kind of super hero with amazing powers. How many times have you seen me come out of the field with black eyes, bruises, wounds? Just because we are trained doesn't mean we can't get hurt. Do you think I am weak when I come back to the office with a broken bone or black eye?"
She shook her head. "No."
"Chelle, you are the bravest woman I have ever known. You are the most capable and incredible agent. The only person who is to blame in all of this, is that asshole. You never ever did anything to deserve it...I feel so sick just thinking about what you have been through and what he has done to you and it makes everything feel 100% worse hearing you blame yourself."
"Tony, people don't just treat someone like that without a reason. There has to be something about me..."
"No, No there doesn't! He is sick. He is mentally ill. I don't really care what his problem is, NOTHING gave him the right to treat you the way he did." He took her hands in his. "Have you ever gotten help with this baby?"
"I don't need to. I've gotten through it just fine. This wouldn't even be an issue now if the allergy thing didn't come up."
He sighed. He had so many things to say, so many things he wanted answers to but he just didn't even know where to begin. His whole body physically hurt thinking about what she had been through. "You haven't gotten through it fine Chelle. You thought I would leave you when I found out...how is that you handling it? You don't even understand how wrong that is!"
"Oh and I guess you would have it all figured out just perfect wouldn't you?"
He was surprised by her sarcastic tone but he understood where it was coming from. He was challenging her. He was making her confront this. "No I wouldn't Chelle but..."
She looked at him waiting for him to finish his sentence. He stood up and paced the room. "Remember when you started at CTU, just after everything had happened with Nina?"
"Yeah?"
"I was a mess Chelle. I was so disappointed with myself for not figuring out who Nina really was. Angry that I had been helping her, breaking rules, playing straight into her hands. I was depressed. I hated everything and everyone. And then I met you. Not only were you the most beautiful woman I had ever seen but you started to rebuild me...without even knowing you were doing it. You were the very first person to make me laugh again after all that...did you know that?"
She shook her head.
"The very first person Chelle that made me smile. Made me feel like it was worth getting through it all. I let you in though baby...I let you get to know me, I trusted you, I opened myself up to you and you helped heal me. And now I find out that at that same time you had just gone through all of that crap, as well as losing your Dad. Why didn't you open up to me?"
She sighed. She hadn't realised any of what he had just told her and it made her feel so special. "Tony, I met Doug a few weeks after I lost my Dad. There was nothing I liked about him other than for a couple minutes he made me fool myself into thinking I was ok. Within days I knew he was a jerk. I got caught up in something that I couldn't find my way out of. I should have had Dad there, he would have known what to do. The system failed me repeatedly...every time I went for help he would get set free again. Do you know how many times I had to go to hospital before they finally put him behind bars? When they did, I moved and transferred my job so I could try and start over again. When I met you, you made me feel safe. But the whole office was in chaos over what had just happened with Nina...it didn't exactly feel like the right time to bring up my crap. Especially when it was over, Doug was in jail."
This was really good, she was opening up to him. He was happy. He just needed her to keep going. What happened right at the start? Michael said it was only a couple weeks or something after you met him that you filed your first report."
"Do you have to stand over there?"
Tony had been pacing the room, trying to give her space but when she said that he raced to her side.
"It's hard for me to talk about this Tony. I feel all..all..."
"I know, I know...come here." He got up on the bed and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close. "Keep talking sweetheart, you are doing great."
She clenched onto him as tight as she could. "He had been trying to sleep with me since we met and I had always said no. He got really pissed that night and started yelling at me and going crazy. So I told him it was over and I never wanted to see him again. He just lost it. I ran out the door but he caught up with me and we wrestled on the stairs. He pushed me down them. I got knocked out and I guess when he saw I was badly hurt he panicked and ran off. I made a report and from then on he would just keep showing up at my place, or be waiting for me outside work. I had to change my phone number a pile of times, I got the AVO but nothing worked until that very last time when he went crazy at me and some people on the street called the cops and they came and arrested him and got me to the hospital."
Tony had tears running down his cheeks. "How long did he get?"
He felt her grip on to him even tighter. "15 months but he is going to get out early for good behaviour."
There was silence for a moment as it sunk in with Tony that Doug would be getting out very very soon.
She pulled out of his grip and tried to stand up again but he pulled her down. "Do you get that Tony? He could be out any day now! I'm literally just waiting for the call that he is out and then I am screwed!"
He kissed head repeatedly as he spoke. "He won't be coming anywhere near you. I can promise you that. I'll look after you sweetheart. I'll kill him before he gets near you again."
"You don't understand how dangerous he is Tony. I don't want you to get hurt."
"Don't worry about me. Chelle, think of all the support we can get you with work. We can track this guy and know what he is up to. He won't know where you live..."
"Yes he does. I don't know how but he phoned my apartment 7 months ago. And my lawyer has already warned me that he knows as well..."
Tony squeezed her hand. "Then we get you out of there, simple as that." He was going to add that he had full intentions of her staying with him but then he thought he might be pushing his luck, or rushing her. He thought about it for a moment and then it just dropped out of his mouth. "You will stay with me. I'm sorry it is not the most romantic way of asking you to move in with me but I haven't wanted you to leave my side for a second since we got together, I have already been thinking about it and that way I know you are safe..."
"But Tony..."
"Look, you said so yourself, your other roommate left. You don't like living on your own. If you went anywhere else I would end up camping on your doorstep the whole time anyway because I don't want you on your own so...so...so you just have to!"
Michelle sat with her mouth open just staring at him. Half in shock, half trying to figure out if she had heard right. "You can't turn your life upside down just because you are worried about me..."
Tony had stood up again, he started pacing again. His expression said everything – he was on a mission to fix everything and he had fallen into his leader 'work' mode. He spoke very assertively. "You said you love me."
"I do."
"And I love you."
Michelle just kept still, watching him. She had never seen him act like this before. Sure he was bossy at work but never with her in such a personal way. "You said you didn't like living on your own."
She barely nodded, not that he was really taking notice anyway.
"If you think for one second I am letting that fucking prick anywhere near you than you are wrong."
Finally Michelle found her voice. It was weak and quiet but at least she spoke. "But moving in together is meant to be because it is an exciting happy thing that you want, not because you think it is the only way to fix a problem."
He put his hand up in the air to stop her. "Are you saying it wouldn't be exciting?"
"Well no, I'm not saying that..."
"I want you to live with me because you make me happy and I love you. I want to wake up next to you every day. I want all your crap in my bathroom!"
She smiled, she thought he had finished but he kept going, "And I know you would love living with me. I am very clean, I cook, I'll even put the toilet seat down...or up...or whatever it is meant to be." He walked back over to her and knelt down beside the bed and took her hand. "I don't want you sitting at home by yourself worried about Doug. I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel looked after and most importantly I want to see you smile. I can do all that if you will just bloody well move in with me!"
She was laughing now. He looked confused as he was still so caught up in that mind frame that he didn't even notice how he was sounding. "What are you laughing at?"
"Are you going to be this bossy all the time if I move in?"
It clicked and he got it. His whole face relaxed and he smiled. "Probably yes but you will learn to love it."
"Can we get a dog?"
"Will you move in?"
"Yes."
"Then yes we can get a dog."
They both just stopped for a moment and then started laughing. He pulled her into a hug. She whispered into his ear, "I think that will go down in history as one of the strangest ways for 2 people to decide to live together."
He pulled back and kissed her on the lips. He had a huge grin across his face. "I think I'll have to agree. But seriously sweetheart...do you really want to?"
"I'd love to Almeida."
He kissed her again. "God, I just want to get you out of here. This has been the most insane week of my life. All I want is you curled up in my arms in bed."
"I couldn't think of anything better honey."
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