Bookends By: Bella's Executioner.

Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 you are agreeing to break your own ToS by reading this and I'm not your mother so be responsible for yourself.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner.

A/N: Bookends is the very first fanfiction I started writing. It's been on this site, moved and come back. It has errors, fuck ups and lots of proofs that I'm human but it also has all of my heart and soul in it. I welcome you into this world of pain and love and hope that you enjoy. I also welcome your thoughts as you read—pm me or review and I'll be happy to discuss the story with you.

Chapter 31: Homeward Bound

-**-Bookends-**-

"I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much."

Unknown

-**-Bookends-**-

BPOV (same night, Forks)

I turned the ketchup bottle over and started covering everything on my plate in the red liquid.

Jazz gave me a hard time about it before. Told me that my vampire self-diagnosis must not have been that far off. I liked to eat things dripping in red- blood.

Nice.

I saw it more that I liked to cover up a not great taste with something that could enhance the flavor and make it tolerable. To apply that to my life, as Alec always encouraged me to, ketchup was like me writing in my journal when Mike and I were alone because it was my avoidance of the fact that I had Mike and not Edward.

I started on the fries. They weren't fantastic- crispy on the outside and kind of undercooked and mushy on the inside. I sighed as I popped the fourth fry in my mouth. A piece got caught behind my teeth in the back. I focused and wiggling it free with my tongue.

God. How lame had my life become.

Mike was talking. Was it wrong of me to not be listening? I zeroed in on what it was about. The shop. The new hiking season was starting.

Hell no, it wasn't rude to ignore him. It was actually an insult to injury for me to have to hear about the latest craze in mountain boots versus having a stimulating conversation in which we both could participate.

I was sucked back in time in my mind. The two of us sitting at a lab table, dividing up the duties we would share as husband and wife. My throat was suddenly dry at the memory.

Even back then, I had known a relationship between Mike and me could never work. I reminded myself why I was going through with this. Alice's words, he's holding on Bella. You have to let him go. I swallowed. That day in Sociology class, I told myself the only reason I would ever end up with anyone but Edward was because they knocked me up.

Fate was a vile, ruthless bitch to me. And Edward...

Edward.

I got another post card in the mail today. Got one every two weeks. I still couldn't believe it. They never had a return address, and there was never any words attached. But just like I was an eleven year old kid again, I was getting my pictures from Edward.

It made the belief that he had paid for my book to be published all the more strong.

That day I got the envelope, sixth months ago, I found the post card of the abstract apple in my hands and the tears were flowing down my cheeks.

He still loved me.

And he was still holding on.

I dipped my already red fry in some more ketchup from my plate and thought about him. I was so Forest Gump sometimes. I pulled out my notebook and wrote that down.

In the quiet moments when the bustle of life and chatter of the diner was around her, Bea would retreat from her world and be lost thinking about Mason.

"New plot twist?" Mike asked excitedly. I stared at him for a minute. I would never get used to the fact that Mike was genuinely interested in my stories. Or even that he was concerned with me at all. It felt so... weird to have someone notice me as frequently as he did.

Maybe not that he noticed, just that I noticed that he noticed. I was used to just feeling Edward. Knowing he knew me. I didn't feel as on display when I was with Edward as I did with Mike.

Mike was never mister right for me; he was always mister almost passable at best.

It was like when you had two pieces of a puzzle that didn't go together but you just kept coming back to trying to make them fit. They both had a straight edge, and they both had that streak of green that ran through the middle, but the box peg didn't match the rounded cut out space.

The rounded peg was off doing whatever he damned well pleased. While the box tried to fill in but... he just wasn't the right fit.

"Yah," I lied. It was the same old plot- same old twist in my stomach as I lived it in person too.

I dipped another fry. My phone vibrated and played the throne music from Star Wars. Mike snickered at the sound.

"Dweeb," he mocked. I stuck my tongue out at him- which of course looked mutilated from the tomato sauce that I was trying to replace my own blood with.

"Missed call," I said as I pulled the device from the case I had custom designed with the help of that nice tattooed boy at Hot Topic when I was in Portland last summer.

I looked up the number. Renee.

My guts squeezed. There were times in your life when you just knew that something bad was going to happen. I had barely spoken to Renee in nearly ten years.

She would only be calling me for one reason.

-**-Bookends-**-

There were phone calls and car rides. I know I got in to more than one car. I know I sat in more than one chair. I know that a bag was packed- by Mike or me I don't know.

I know that I felt cold.

Freezing. At least cold was something, it was better than numb. I just kept reminding myself that. At least I was feeling something.

Alice and Jazz and even Em and Rose were not in town. It was just me. Just me... and Mike.

Mom? Where was my mom? I wanted her to hold me.

I got as far as the hospital door.

Room three eighteen. I stood there in the hallway. I was terrified.

Lost.

Cold.

Freezing.

Mike stepped in and I didn't even see anything- images of a bed and sheets bunched over a pair of legs. A sad faced man sitting by the bed. Maybe a hint of Renee by the window.

I turned and kept walking.

There was nowhere to go.

There would be no one waiting for me when I got there.

I just couldn't be here.

-**-Bookends-**-

EPOV

Victoria. Still only a handful of hours away from where she lived and yet I'm sure she still never heard from him.

Poor Bella. I hissed at the thought of her. It was the good kind of pain. The kind that reminded you that you were still alive- a sting followed by a warmth. I didn't need a drink. I didn't even need to sketch.

I just needed her.

That buzzing collection of sounds in my mind started up faintly again. I had been hearing music in my mind since that day I left Italy. A melody that seemed to sweep through the air around me. Instead of the peaceful tune that it had been it was... an angry arrangement of noise. I shook my head to focus.

My heart was both breaking and rejuvenating at the same time. I had forgotten what it felt like in my chest. Just the thought of her name was bringing it back. It was a flood of anguish but only after the tidal wave of expectance.

It was like that first night I decided to send her the apple. It was dumb. I had hoped it would encourage her to find me, talk to me. I made myself pretty public in New York I had hoped she would notice me. Call me.

But there was never an indication from Bella that she wanted to know me anymore. Like the love sick idiot that I was I just kept sending her post cards. I was always just hoping that the next one would end the rejection and bring her back to me.

We had to catch flights out of town. The jet was down for the yearly maintenance check. Carlisle was livid at the prospect of having to fly like everyone else. I couldn't help the chuckle that came out at the counter. It was worth the glare I got from both Alice and Esme. It was funny.

Rose and Em hit the earliest flight since they left before any of us even knew where they were going.

Alice, Jazz and I got the last three seats on the next flight, which left exactly ten minutes from the time we arrived. Esme and Carlisle would be on the last flight that didn't leave for another two hours.

"We could practically drive there in that time," Carlisle mumbled under his breath.

"Well Edward could," Alice joked. I winked at her.

"Damn straight." Especially in the Vanquish. I was reluctant to leave it parked at the airport extended parking lot for God knew how long. I frowned as I cast one last glance toward the parking lot.

Bella's face was suddenly in my head.

No contest. I choose the girl.

I had to get down there. My car was nothing compared to the person that really needed me. It was just a toy. She was life itself.

Esme kissed my cheek when they called our flight. I had to get used to that I guessed.

"Hold her until I get there," she whispered. I just nodded. I knew out of everyone in Bella's life, Esme valued the life of that girl in the same way I did. She was everything. And we needed her safe and happy.

Jazz knew the broken side. Alice knew the innocent side. Em knew the weak side. But I knew her. My side. My girl.

My Bella.

-**-Bookends-**-

"A taxi," Alice whined. I glared at her.

"Not everyone is made of money, Squirt."

"You are. We are." She waved between Jazz and herself. I continued to allow my mood to shine through my eyes.

"Time. We aren't made of that then." Jazz agreed and with that the pixie bitch let it drop.

My foot bobbed with anxiety, my knee bouncing the entire ride to the hospital. Alice tried to calm me by putting her hand on my thigh. It didn't matter. There was only one touch that would calm me right now. We were almost there.

The hospital looked pretentious from the outside. Leave it to Swan to find an uppity hospital to die in.

Jazz stalled slightly as we were getting out of the cab. His eyes watched the building like it was going to suddenly come to life and start chasing him.

"What?" I hissed.

He swallowed and shook his head. "Nothing," he mumbled, shoving past me.

Alice looked from the building to the retreating back of her husband and then to me. "Shrinks... ya know."

Her shoulder shrug didn't shake the unease I was having over Jazz's reluctance. He knew this place, but from what? We never stayed in Victoria long enough to have to go to the doctor. The only people I ever knew who lived in Victoria were Bella and Emmett.

What the hell had happened here?

Somber would have been a polite way of describing the scene inside. Emmett and Rose were in the lobby. Em looked ready to throw the front desk through the window and Rose just cried quietly beside him.

"Oh God!" Alice said suddenly. "He didn't... already."

Em just growled and stalked over to the doors. Jazz followed to calm him down. I didn't miss the relief on my brother's face from having an excuse to not be inside this place.

Rose shook her head. Alice sat next to her and put her arm over her shoulders. It was a big feat for someone as small as Alice with someone with shoulders like Rose. I tried to contain my anxiety with control- I paced.

"No. He's not. He is critical though." Rose looked over at Em who was barking a string of profanities. Jazz threw a pathetic glance our way and dragged Em from the room. Carlisle and Esme would be here soon. They would help him calm Em down.

"They won't let us in." My eyes snapped down to Rose's sad face.

"What the fuck do you mean?" I seethed.

Her breath was ragged when she leveled me with her brown, nearly black eyes of contempt.

"We're unacceptable."

For once I was glad to not be the reason for Rose's anger- but my fists clenched hard enough to crack coal into diamonds.

All of the sudden the words that Em had shouted seemed like toddler speech as I thought about the fuckers in that room upstairs. I could see them. Volterra with her sneer of malice. Swan with his... his...

"Assholes," I grumbled.

"What?" Alice asked raising her brows. "Not fucking motherfuckers?"

I shook my head. "They're pure evil, Al." She nodded in agreement.

"You okay honey?" she asked Rose.

"Yah. I have to go calm down the beast." Em's roars were easily heard each time the double sliding doors opened.

"And if they think for one goddamn second that MY WIFE... MY WIFE is not good enough for them..."

She sighed. "Really, I guess it's good that I find it sweet."

Alice giggled. I rolled my eyes.

"Come on." Alice weaved her fingers through mine once we were alone in the lobby. "They said he was on the third floor." The elevator felt like a shrinking box around me.

I glared when it stopped on the second floor. The old guy who looked to be taking his morning stroll through the corridors thought twice and didn't get on. Fucker. He just cost me some valuable seconds.

"Three eighteen," Alice said. She pointed to a row of identical doorways. Some were open most were closed. There was a small waiting room just off the elevator. It was empty.

I thought of Em and Rose downstairs. My knuckles popped with the force of my rage. Don't do anything stupid Edward. Think of the girl.

The girl.

My girl.

My Bella...

Bella. My heart flipped in my chest. I hadn't seen her in five years. I hadn't seen the healthy and happy Bella that Alice told me she was now in almost a decade. My feet stopped just before the door.

"Edward?" Alice turned back to look at me.

"You made it," that damn voice from my nightmares called. He was standing at the other end of the hallway. I swallowed down the violent rage that now threatened to consume me when I looked up to see Newton walking toward us.

I seethed. Alice worked her hand out of mine and put it on my chest. "You want to wait out here?" She asked quietly, too low for Newton to hear. I shook my head.

If Bella was in there then that was where I belonged too.

"Hiya, Alice." Mike leaned in to hug my sister. I couldn't help the growl that rumbled in my chest. He cast me a fearful glance. "Hey, Edward." his voice was shaky.

Alice elbowed me.

"Hi," I said through tight lips.

"How is he Mike?" Alice asked as if she really gave a crap. I stood impressed.

"Not great. He was diagnosed about three months ago with stomach cancer. They're really surprised how well he's been for as long as he has but... it's spreading."

My father passed when I was seven years old. I remembered on the day that my mother took us to the church to view his body in the casket I never felt a moment of sadness. I remembered with perfect clarity the second the joy bubbled up inside me and spread across my face. The day Ed Masen died was a good day.

I couldn't smile now for what was happening to Charlie. I had no idea how Bella was taking it.

I glared at the blue-eyed blond boy in front of me. He was holding two cups of coffee. He was standing here like it was his father in that room. He was using possessive pronouns that subconsciously warned others that he was in a partnership with a member of the family in there.

My chest was heavy and my breathing sped.

"Really?" Alice said. I realized I hadn't been paying attention to a damn word Newton had said. He just wasn't that interesting to listen to.

I wondered why we were still in the hall. I pushed past their exchange intent on just walking in alone, when the words that forced my own body to jump into a critical state of desolation fell from his mouth.

"Yah," the blond jerk confirmed. "She said 'yes'. We are hoping for a winter wedding..." For the briefest of seconds I stood an inch from the doorknob, my hand poised to turn it, and hoped like hell he was talking about Renee. Pleading with the God that had hated me so violently all of my life, that Mike had moved on since Alice's letter two years ago that warned me that Bella was dating the only boy I ever hated.

I had all but convinced myself that the Mrs. Robinson scenario was suited for him and then he ruined it all.

"You know how Bella loves the winter."

Fuck.

My hand dropped to my side. I couldn't breathe. There was air all around me. I could feel it cooling the suddenly over heated skin on my forehead and neck. I could feel it trying to pass through my lungs but my body was refusing to hold on to it.

"Edward you're purple," Alice whispered as she passed me to open the door. I couldn't help it.

I had spent almost my entire life in love with Isabella Swan. I had spent my entire teen years surrounded by her- intoxicated with her. When I left home as a young man it was with Bella by my side. I bought her an fucking ring and kept it near me always.

But Mike fucking Newton spends one summer with her and they have a wedding all planned out for winter.

Fuck. Bella in a gown of white lace- the sleeves as long as her arms. The bodice fitted and soft around her curves. The train long and flowing like the ends of a dream. Her green eyes sparkling with quiet love... but not for me.

I closed my eyes. "You okay man?" Mike asked as he followed Alice in. I bit down and grinded my teeth against the fury rising in me.

Don't fucking talk to me Newton. I'll crack your skull in my hand.

I silently glared and he took the hint.

I glanced in the room when the door opened. Alice came back out immediately, tears streaming down her face. I was frozen. My eyes scanned the room.

Renee was by the window with a tissue in her hand. The girl, Vanessa, was sitting in the chair in the corner. Her knees were up against her chest and her sobs were not muffled by the obstruction. Puny was sitting on the side of the bed talking animatedly. I guessed Charlie was awake.

Mike walked in and handed his second cup of coffee to Renee. She thanked him and he turned to lean against the wall next to her.

It was like they were all watching some morbid television show. They were too fascinated to pull their eyes away from the bed until a commercial break. I shook my head and blinked back the rage.

I hated hospitals. But then I had spent a hell of a lot of time in them as a kid. They smelled funny- they made a person remember their own mortality. I kept my eyes roaming over the scene.

I didn't see her. Maybe she was covered by the wall connected to the door. I took one step into the room.

No. No Bella.

"Edward, how good of you to come," Renee said sweetly. I grimaced at her- my attempt at a smile.

Bella wasn't in here. My brows were knitted as I processed that.

"I haven't seen her since yesterday," Mike remarked calmly. "I think she wants to be alone."

I glowered at him and he turned his face to Charlie's bed with fear in his eyes.

Hadn't seen her since yesterday? YESTERDAY! How in the hell did he get that ring on her finger? I turned and fled the room. I had no idea where I was going. But I knew Bella better than I knew anyone on this earth.

She was in the hospital somewhere-but where?

I ran up the hall. Alice was sitting in the waiting room that was a few doors down from Charlie's room. I knew Bella wouldn't be there. I took the elevator up three floors.

I walked the hallways quickly but discretely. My hands in my pockets. I glanced up as I passed each small waiting room. Plenty of people but none of them were Bella.

I did that on every floor. Finally I headed down and stepped out on floor 4-delivery. I could hear the babies crying in the nursery from down the hall. But I couldn't see them. That section was restricted and required that you had a security badge to get by. I figured that was too much work for Bella to want to go through. I almost got straight back on the elevator but I noticed there was a waiting room right around the corner in the hall. Like all the others I had hit on the last few floors the room was dark. I assumed it was empty. Something was pulling me towards the door regardless.

It was a tugging sensation in my chest- something palpable that simply wouldn't let me walk away from that room without going inside. The melody in my mind was screeching and promising to quiet if I only walked through that door.

I drew in a deep breath to steady my nerves.

I suppose other people would have expected to find Bella crying in agony when they found her here.

I didn't. I found her exactly as I knew I would. She was sitting in a chair facing a television that was not on. The lights were turned off and since it was night outside there were only the moon offered light on the scene. She sat like she was waiting for something. Her arms were on the armrests and her eyes were staring at memories in her head.

I wasted no time once I saw her. My brain didn't even process the fact that I was looking at her- at Bella. My body just reacted like it had always done with her.

I shut the door behind me and walked over to her. I fell to my knees in front of her. And put my hands on her thighs. Those eyes- so distant in their sage depths slowly wandered down to my face.

I waited. I would wait an eternity for those eyes to find mine. When she looked at me I felt like I was... coming back to life. My palms felt tingly where they touched her legs- a low pulse of our electric bond throbbing from the contact.

Her eyes were hollowed in grief. Her cheeks were sallow in the darkness. There wasn't even the hint of tears on her face. She breathed normally. She just looked... lost.

I said nothing.

I pushed out with my part of our bond and felt my hands grow warmer against her legs. She in turn was silent. Her eyes slowly hardened with realization that I was not a figment of her imagination.

She hadn't expected anyone to look for her, or to find her. But I wasn't just anybody. I applied more pressure to her thighs- lost in her darkening eyes.

Still without speaking she slowly spread her legs- inviting me to move closer to her.

I did.

My touch never left her body as I slid my hands up to her waist. I encircled her little form with my shielding arms. I turned my head to rest my ear over the strong beating heart in her chest. It skipped a beat when I sighed at the reassurance of its existence.

We sat like that for a limitless time. It could have been a matter of seconds but it felt like an eternity. I pushed the overwhelming torrent of questions that bubbled in me to the side. I would analyze this later. For now I was where I needed to be.

I felt full. Complete. Whole, once more.

Eventually I felt her little hands smooth up my arms. I neither tightened nor loosened my hold around her. I sat perfectly still. Her hands tangled in my hair and I closed my eyes.

Wow. Her touch was more explosive and maddeningly stimulating than I remembered.

I felt her body move forward. Her nose was against my hair. Her arms circled my shoulders as her lips rested against my skin.

My heart squeezed- I was home.

"Edward," she breathed. I just nodded.

Her arms tightened around me and mine followed suit.

We fell into an easy silence and sat there holding each other.

No questions.

No tears.

Just us.

I held her until I felt her body grow limp and her arms relaxed around me. She never dropped her hold on me, but I could feel resistance leaving her body. I pulled back slowly.

Bella sat there, her eyes closed and her breath even. She had fallen asleep. She whimpered at the sudden rush of cool air that pooled between us. I immediately missed her warmth as well.

I sat, still encircled in her embrace and keeping one of my arms still around her. I pulled out my phone.

"Alice," I said when she answered. I could tell she was still in the hospital. She didn't say anything so I took that as my cue. "Fourth floor waiting room," was all I said. I hung up the phone.

I went back to watching her sleep.

She looked very different from the girl I left here five years ago. Her hair was short- in that layered bob that bounced around a girl's head with the slightest movement.

Her features were slightly more matured- she had moved into her twenties since I last saw her. I smirked as I realized she looked more and more like Esme. She even had the mom worry line between her eyebrows. I ran the tip of my finger over that line.

I sighed. But for all the subtle changes that I could find fascinating for as long as I looked upon her face, I could see that she had not changed that much. The pain was still at the forefront of her eyes. The sullen slump in her shoulders told me she was still defensive and ready to fight. She still preferred to sit in the dark all alone rather than allow someone to see her in pain.

"I'm sorry, my love," I whispered to her now lightly snoring form. I smoothed her bangs from her forehead. She whimpered quietly again and nudged my hand with her head.

I smiled. I ran my fingers through her hair-it's what she wanted me to do. You are such a sub to her whims, Edward. Erebos would complain.

How amazing that I had spent five years reconstructing myself. I was a business savvy art dealer. A fairly acclaimed artist. I had traveled the world and figured out who I was down to the last well placed hair on my tousled lock filled head. I had cast off as much as the old Edward Masen that I could. I even approached my relationships with my family as the renewed Edward Cullen now to affirm the shift in identity.

I had changed.

But no matter how much I did, I could never unlearn this. I could never deny the sheer force of will that was Bella's need. If it was in my power to fulfill her wishes, I had to do it. Hell, even if it wasn't in my power I still felt compelled to find a way.

Embrace that Edward, but realize that you do not have to be weak to serve her. What she needs more than anything is for you to take care of her. Lead her. Guide her... Dominate her.

A shiver ran through me at my mentor's words. I wasn't exactly sure I could do it.

Five years melted away and I was a scared kid staring at his fading love. She was in so much pain- and I didn't believe she even realized it.

I had heard everything about Bella's life from Alice and Esme over the years. I knew she was back to her old self. She had gone to college. She was following her dreams and was working on publishing her second novel. I kept a copy of the first on my bedside table. I knew that in almost every aspect of her life she was also changed and was even happy.

But there was still an ache that I was sure only I could see. I saw it that first time at her father's house. We were just babies back then- I was a dumb kid who thought it something simple for her to worry over. The fact that her father never showed her a moment of love, the hurt in Bella's eyes that said maybe I should stop hoping he ever will.

She masked it well. And for a handful of years I helped her find plenty of other mistakes to throw over it to make it appear as though she had moved on.

But she hadn't. She couldn't. He was her father.

In her silence in this room with me tonight Bella was screaming in agony.

I didn't want to do it. I didn't really want to share her with anyone. The old Edward would have just let her sleep until she told him what to do next.

I wasn't him anymore. She was in pain, yes, but I was here to help alleviate it. I was here to guide her through it. I reached out a hand and traced her cheek with my finger.

"Bella," I whispered.

She moaned.

I smiled when she nuzzled my neck with her little face. She felt so right in my arms.

"It's time to wake up."