Hi guys, not really sure if you are all still following this story anymore or not. I still have lots of ideas for it but will only continue if you want me to and are still interested in reading. I really appreciate you taking the time and to those that leave review. Thanks so much.
As usual, I don't own 24 and this is for adults eyes only:)
Tony was struggling to fight the urge to ask Michelle a million questions. He wanted to know every single thing that had happened. He wanted to know everything she was thinking. He couldn't stand not knowing. He felt like he didn't know how to look after her properly, say or do the right thing because he didn't understand exactly what she had been through or how she was feeling.
She was tearful in the car but other than a sob or whimper every few moments she didn't say a word. As they got closer to the hospital and Michelle looked out the window and saw where they were she began to panic. Finally she spoke, "I don't want to go in there Tony."
"Sweetheart, you need help..."
"Please don't make me." Her voice was completely desperate. The tone of her voice gave away so much, the vulnerability he heard in her voice broke his heart.
"Talk to me baby, why don't you want to go in there?"
She hesitated, like she was thinking carefully about what she was saying. "I just want to go home. I'm tired and I don't want to deal with the doctors or people from work. Don't you just want to go home Tony? Don't you want it to be just us?"
"Of course I do sweetheart. I'd give anything in the world to just take you home and wrap you up in my arms and not deal with anything or anyone but we can't. You are bleeding badly baby, you need stitches. You are covered with bruises; you need to be looked after." He could tell by the way she was looking at him that she was completely unconvinced. She didn't want to accept anything he was saying. He decided to try another tactic. "Also, I have to get stitches as well baby..."
"WHAT?"
"When they fired at us, it grazed my leg and..."
"Oh my God, why didn't you tell me? Tony! How bad is it?" She looked down at his thigh where he rubbed his hand over the bandage.
"I'm fine baby, it is just some stitches. Dad bandaged it afterwards but..."
"Why didn't you get it looked after when it happened? There were medics..."
He squeezed her hand, "Are you kidding me? Chelle, you had just been taken. There was no way I was going to waste time on that, I needed to be looking for you." He hadn't meant for her to get so upset, he had only wanted to try and give another reason for getting her to the hospital. "Anyways, we both need to get some stitches, so will you come in with me?"
"Of course I will. They need to check that straight away. I can't believe all this time and you didn't tell me you were hurt."
Tony was confused. She seemed so genuinely hurt that he hadn't told her in just the short amount of time they had been back together yet she wouldn't tell him a thing. "Can't you see baby? Look how upset you are at me for not telling you about my thigh and yet with everything you have just been through, you won't say a word. I'm basically dragging you to the hospital. That's not fair is it? Don't I deserve to know what's wrong with you?"
"It's different."
"How?"
"Tony..."
His voice rose. "No Chelle, it is not different. It is exactly the same. I am sitting here scared to fucking death over what has happened to you, what is wrong with you...will you just stop and think for one second all of the images and thoughts that are running through my head right now? Take what you feel over my thigh and times that by about a million and you might be half way to how I am feeling."
He really shocked her. She could see how angry he was, how frustrated he was with her and she didn't know what to do about it. She heard what he was saying and she knew it made sense but she could barely get her head around what she had been through, how was she suppose to tell him? "Sorry."
He was frustrated. "Does that mean you will talk to me?"
She yelled at him. "What the hell do you want to hear Tony?"
He was shocked that she yelled at him. Shocked by her words. He felt even angrier at himself for not knowing how to handle this situation. He should be making her feel better right now, not even more upset. "I want to hear the truth. I want to know what they did to you!"
The car pulled into the emergency department. Just before the car door was opened for her she turned and looked him in the eyes. "They beat the shit out of me Tony. Every time I so much as looked the wrong way, breathed too loudly, spoke for Jess...what ever...they hit me. But worst of all, whilst he was doing that just to make sure I got the message, he would remind me that he would kill you and Jess and your parents if I didn't do what he wanted."
He sat there feeling numb as her words radiated through his body. It was pretty much exactly what he had been imagining but hearing her say it felt so much worse. And the fear in her eyes as she said it was probably the worst part of the whole thing.
Doctors were now pulling Michelle out of the vehicle and putting her onto a stretcher. He tried to snap out of it as he rushed around to her before they started wheeling her in. The doctors had already been called about Michelle and Jess, they knew that Tony was a Federal agent and Michelle's partner and so without question they allowed him to follow as she was taken to an examination room. He heard her telling the nurse that they needed to fix his thigh and that they should do that first. He couldn't believe it. He caught eye contact with the nurse over Michelle's head and shook his head and mouthed the words 'no'. He wanted to hold her hand, stroke her face, hold her but right now she wasn't even looking at him. He had to get her back to that place of allowing him in. He knew until that happened, she wasn't going to let anyone do anything. She was putting up her guard and she wasn't going to let anyone in.
Exactly like he had just thought, as soon as the doctor entered the room and introduced himself he then told her they would give her something for the pain and get her changed into a gown, she greeted him but then said she couldn't change and she was fine, she didn't need any medication.
The doctor looked at her and then at Tony. He had no idea how to respond. He went to say something and then stopped. He walked over to Tony and spoke quietly to him. "Is she in shock? Does she understand what is going on?"
Tony was shaking his head, he couldn't believe he had let Michelle get to this point. "I think that Yes she is in a bit of shock. She doesn't want accept what has happened but mainly she has put her guard up. I think she is still scared to death and doesn't want to let anyone in. Can you give me a minute to talk to her?"
"Just get her to at least take the pain medication. I'll put valium in it with some sedative which will make her calm down and relax a little. Then we will be able to start getting her to co-operate so she can be looked at. She is bleeding pretty heavily and I don't want to lose any more time."
Tony nodded his head. He made his way over to the bed. "Look at me sweetheart."
She did as he asked. "I'm sorry about before, I am just so scared. All I want is to be here for you. Make you feel better, safe. The last thing in the world I want is for you to feel like I am not here with you 100%. You can't put walls up though sweetheart...please let me in. Even if just for now will you please just let me in?"
"I'm sorry I got you so frustrated. I just don't know how to handle all this Tony..."
"I know baby, neither do I but together we will figure it out."
She nodded her head and agreed with him. "So for me, will you just accept the pain medication? I can see how much pain you are in, this will help that."
"Ok but do you promise you are staying here? You won't let them do anything I don't want..."
He squeezed her hand. "I'm not leaving you for 1 second. If you let me in and talk to me I'll try and get you through this as easy as possible and keep you comfortable but you have to trust me?"
Michelle looked at him and nodded her head slightly.
He leant down and kissed her softly on the lips. "Do you trust me sweetheart?"
"Yes. But you have to promise me you will get your thigh looked at."
"I promise."
He sighed in relief and then went to turn around to give the go ahead to the doctor when he felt her tug on his hand, he looked back at her. "But you are the only one I trust Tony..." she looked over at the doctors and everyone else in the room, "no one else here."
"I know baby, I won't let you down."
He walked over to the doctor and told him to go ahead and give Michelle the injection. The doctor looked relieved and thanked Tony. He had it all ready to go and so he immediately made his way with Tony back to the bed. Tony helped Michelle pull her pants down enough for the doctor to give the needle into her thigh. He had barely pulled the needle out before she was reaching down and yanking her pants back up. Tony kissed her, "thanks sweetie."
"Now what happens?"
The doctor spoke up. "That will only take a minute or so to start working and once you tell me that you are feeling a little better then I will need to look at the wound and see what needs to be done. Is that ok?"
Michelle seemed to soften to the doctor as he spoke to her. He spoke with a very gentle tone and the way he made her feel like he was asking her permission, not just telling her, made it seem easier. "Yeah, thank you doctor."
The doctor leaned down a little closer to Michelle. "Why don't you call me Conner? I want you to feel comfortable with me Michelle. I know you have just been through a horrifying ordeal but I want you to know I am here to try and make you feel better. Get you back on track so we can get you home with Tony as soon as possible."
Tony was so grateful to Connor - that was exactly what he thought Michelle needed to hear. He smiled when Michelle actually smiled a little at Connor and said, "Ok Connor, thank you."
Tony sat back down next to Michelle and held her hand as they waited for the drugs to kick in. He prayed they were strong enough to really make Michelle relax.
"Tony?"
"Yes baby?"
"Is Jess ok?"
"Thanks to you she is."
"She was very courageous you know Almeida. I was really proud of her and she listened to me and we wouldn't have got out of there if she didn't stick by my side and do what I asked even though she was so scared."
Tony was so touched. He figured Michelle and Jess would have a bond for life now over what they had been through together. "She is a tough kid but she loves you Chelle and she admires you and respects you. She knew how much you were putting yourself on the line for her and she will never forget that...my entire family will always be in debt to you."
"Well they have all treated me with so much love...like a member of the family from day 1. I've never had that before. I've never had a mum. The way your mum has treated me...I've never ever had that. She has made me realize what I missed out on growing up. Since Dad died...I haven't had any feeling of family really. And your Dad...well I guess it is just so nice to have a 'dad' like person around again and he is so wonderful to me. You are so lucky Tony."
He could have proposed to her right then and there on the spot. He had to stop himself from blurting it out. "You are family baby. You really are."
He watched as her eyes started to droop a little. She tried to fight it but struggled. They kept opening and closing and she started to squint as if things were a little blurry. He watched as her shoulders relaxed. They had been hunched and so tight but now they actually rested against the bed and the rest of her body seemed to relax into the bed as well. "How are you feeling baby?"
Her words were slurred. "Really good. Really really good."
He laughed a little. Connor appeared at her bedside. "How are we doing?"
Tony smiled at him, "I think everything has kicked in."
"Good, now...Michelle, I need to get you into a gown and then look at this wound. I'll clear the room, will you let Tony help you into a gown?"
"Okay." Every word she spoke was long and drawn out.
Once the room was empty and Tony stood over her with the gown he tried to figure out how was going to be the easiest way to do this. She was staring up at him, waiting for him to tell her what to do. "Ok sweetheart, how about we start with getting that top off, then we will tackle your pants. Can you sit up a little and put your arms up?"
Michelle did as he asked although she was really slow. The first attempt to sit up and she went straight back down again. She then supported herself by her elbows and waited for a moment to get a little more energy and then she pushed herself up. Tony put his hand on her back to help keep her up. She raised her arms. He pulled the top up and straight over her head. His heart dropped again as he saw the wound and all the bruises. She was still bleeding badly. It was making him very nervous, blood was going everywhere. The handprint was so prominent. It was a dark red colour and actually swollen and sticking out. He felt all the anger come flooding back. He tried to keep as normal face as possible in front of Michelle, he didn't want scare her with his reaction although he felt like bursting into tears and kissing every inch of her better.
He encouraged her that she was doing well. He told her to lay back down and rest for a moment and then he undid her shoes and pulled them and her socks off. He then undid her pants and slowly pulled them down, he was terrified of what he might see. He gasped when he saw that her underwear was ripped and on her thigh was what looked like 3 cigarette burns. "Baby, did he burn you with a cigarette?"
"Don't be angry with me..."
He stroked her forehead and forced a smile. "Not angry sweetheart. In no way am I ever going to be angry with you. You can't think like that. I hate him, I hate what he has done to you. I love you."
She seemed relieved. "Yes he pushed his smoke into my leg when I wouldn't...when I wouldn't..." she stopped herself from what she was going to say.
"When you wouldn't what baby?"
He watched as she looked like she was concentrating so hard on trying to keep her wits about her and control what she said. She was kind of losing the battle but not completely yet. "Just when I wouldn't do what he said...that's all."
He was going to push her but he still had to get her underwear off and get her to agree to everything the doctors needed to do so he didn't want to upset her anymore than he had to right now. He nodded his head at her and told her it was ok, she didn't have to explain it to him right now. He got the shock of his life when she sat up a little and kissed him on the lips.
"Mmm what was that for?"
"I love you." They looked into each other eyes. They both knew what was going on. She was grateful he wasn't pushing her and he was happy she was letting her guard down a little and trying.
He snapped out of it and then went to pull her underwear off. She grabbed his hand. "No way."
"The doctor said everything off sweetheart. I'm going to cover you right back up with the gown."
Tears rolled down her cheeks. She mumbled something, he came up closer to her mouth and asked her to repeat.
In the quietest voice that was reeked with sadness, "but I made a promise to myself when I was there...ummm before...that you, you would be the only other person for the rest of my life that would see me like that. Now the doctors are going..."
Her words hit him for 6 and he slumped back down into the chair. How did he respond to that? He caught eye contact with her and they stared at one another. He was completely lost for words. Silence over took them.
Michelle's eyes were blurry and she was really having trouble thinking straight but never had she seen the look on Tony's face right now. She had never seen an expression like that on anyone's face. He seemed defeated and overwhelmed. He always knew what to say, yet he looked like he had absolutely no idea what to do or say. She could see tears start to make their way down his cheeks and he rubbed his face roughly. She wanted this moment over, it was killing her to see him like this. She couldn't think of anything else to do so she reached for her underwear and tried to start pulling them down.
Tony looked over and saw what she was doing. He pushed himself up from the chair and helped her. He didn't look at her face, he concentrated on what he was doing but finally spoke loud enough for her to hear, "Thank you."
Michelle was now completely naked and exposed. He grabbed the gown, helped her to sit up a little and put it on her. He didn't tie it up as he knew the doctor would just undo it in a minute anyway but at least now she was covered. He grabbed a towel and pressed it on the wound to try and stop the bleeding until the doctors came back. She winced in pain and he apologized repeatedly. He pressed the buzzer for the doctor to come back. "You did amazing. Now let's get you fixed so I can take you home."
The next couple hours passed in a flash. They ended up knocking Michelle out almost completely so they could stitch her wound. Her eyes were closed and she could barely respond to anyone, she seemed to just drift in and out of consciousness. The doctors took the opportunity of when Michelle was so completely unaware of what was happening to set Tony up on a stretcher next to her and have his wound stitched as well. Luckily it wasn't that deep and only required 15 stitches. They gave Tony some pain relief and he was surprised when it kicked in at just how much pain he had actually been in this whole time but not really noticed. He watched Michelle the entire time.
He called his parents who were in a room just down the hall with Jess waiting to be able to come in and see them. His mum seemed so relieved to hear from Tony. He could tell she was still an absolute mess over the entire situation. She was desperate to see them both and Tony promised that as soon as Michelle woke up a bit more and the doctors got her more stable he would let them come in. He spoke to both his parents for quite a long time. They told him how Jess was doing and he finally got a complete run-down from his Dad of Jess's version of events. Every word that came out of his Dad's mouth felt like it stabbed Tony in the heart a little. He sobbed when his dad explained how Jess had told Michelle she couldn't handle Sam touching her and Michelle promised Jess she wouldn't be put in that situation again. When his Dad reached the part of Michelle stepping forward and telling Sam to leave Jess alone and take her instead he literally thought he couldn't breathe. For everyone, it was almost impossible to register or try and make sense of their feelings for the situation. The relief of knowing Jess had been protected and not raped was incredible yet at the same time how could you swallow that knowledge knowing it was Michelle that suffered for that result? No one knew yet exactly what had happened with Sam in that room for that time. Everything pointed to the fact that she had been raped but nobody wanted to believe it.
Tony couldn't stand it anymore. He pictured Sam's hands all over Michelle and every possible scenario that could have happened. For a moment he felt a rush of anger towards Michelle for protecting Jess like that but then as quick as it came it passed and was replaced with the deepest love and admiration for her. He ended up yelling at his Dad. He didn't know what he was saying but he just yelled every thought that came to his mind. He screamed at him as he begged his Dad for help – to tell him what the hell he was supposed to do? How was he ever going to get Michelle through this and then it switched from begging his Dad for answers to telling him he was going to kill Sam and Ashley, that he didn't care if he went to jail or what happened but if it was the last thing he did, he was going to kill them for what they had done. He slammed his phone shut and threw it against the wall, it smashed into pieces on the ground. Everyone in the room stood shocked, unsure of what to do. Connor tried to give Tony an injection to calm him down but he got off the bed, started pacing the room and refused it.
Within seconds of hanging up on his Dad, Charlie walked into the room. He didn't care if he was meant to be in there or not, his son needed him and he was going to be in there. They had all been able to hear Tony's voice not only through the phone but also in the hall as the rooms were so close to each other. Natalie and Jess sobbed.
Michelle began to stir from all of the noise. Fortunately, they had finished stitching her wound and cleaning up the burns.
Charlie stood in the doorway and Tony stared at him from the other side of the room, it was like a stare off for a few moments before Tony threw his hands up in the air, "WHAT?"
"I just want to be here for you son, I want to help."
Tony continued to yell. "HELP? What are you going to do Dad? Do you even have any answers for what the hell I am supposed to do?"
Charlie kept his voice as calm as possible. He knew Tony wasn't angry at him personally, he completely understood why Tony was behaving the way he was. He was almost glad to see Tony letting it all out. "What do you need to do Tony?"
Tony stared at him like it was the dumbest question he had been asked. "What the fuck? Let's see...should we start with how I am meant to get Michelle through this?"
"By continuing to do exactly what you have been doing. Staying by her side, talking to her, helping her feel safe again...everything you have been doing, you just continue."
"That's not ENOUGH! It's not good enough..."
He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Michelle's voice. It was weak and quiet. "Yes it is Tony."
She had surprised everyone. Tony turned and faced her. "No it isn't. I can barely even get you to talk to me. You will never forgive me...you know that right? You will never ever be able to forgive me for making you sit and wait for me in the car. None of this would have happened if I hadn't done that..."
"Stop it Tony, stop it. You thought you were looking out for me. There is nothing to forgive. And I am talking to you..."
His voice was sarcastic. He was completely enraged and out of control. "Oh really...you are? Good to know...then tell me what the hell Sam did to you in that room?"
Charlie said Tony's name to try and make him stop or calm down. The doctor ushered the nurses and everyone else out of the room leaving just the 3 of them. Just after he walked out, Natalie and Jess walked in. Tony turned to see who it was but then focused back on Michelle waiting for an answer. He hated himself inside for how he was acting but he had not the slightest idea of how to stop.
Michelle looked at Jess and then back at Tony. "I didn't sleep with him..."
"Where did he touch you? What did he do?"
Michelle sat up a little. She was angry now and she yelled back at him. "What good can ever come of me telling you or anyone? He didn't touch Jess, that is all that matters!"
"Are you kidding me? You think that is acceptable?"
"Are you angry at me Tony for letting another man touch me?"
"I will fucking kill Sam for touching you."
"Tony...
"Please...please put me out of my fucking misery?"
Michelle hated seeing Tony in this much agony. "I can't baby...I just can't."
His voice dropped a little. "Why?"
Michelle looked down at her body and saw that she wasn't attached to any machines. She slid out of the bed, pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around herself and very slowly made her way to Tony. She heard everyone's voice telling her not to get up but she just ignored them. She reached Tony. "Because I love you too much. I couldn't handle losing you. I know no one believes me but I am telling you I didn't sleep with him...he barely got away with anything but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't lose you because you will hate me." She pushed passed him and headed for the door.
Charlie reached out for her, "Michelle, Michelle...you can't leave? Where are you going?"
"Out of here. I won't leave the hospital...but..." she looked at all of them as they stared at her. "Away from here." She opened the door and started to walk out. Tony grabbed her arm, "Stay, don't run..."
"Leave me alone."
"Michelle you promised me you wouldn't do this, you wouldn't leave..."
"Well I can't handle this anymore..."
Charlie tried again, "Michelle we will all calm down." He looked at Tony, "no more yelling. You are not well enough to try and be up walking around."
"I'll be fine and look at you all. Everyone is so angry, I've never seen you like this before Tony. I'm not ever going to be able to say the right thing to make you feel better so just leave it alone."
Michelle pushed her way out the door. The second it closed behind her she felt her entire body sway and she wondered what the hell she was going to do. She was really unsteady on her feet but she just needed to be on her own for a minute. She couldn't handle upsetting Tony any longer. The look in his eyes was breaking her heart and she didn't know how to deal with it.
Charlie sent Natalie to watch where Michelle went. Natalie opened the door and saw Michelle walking at a snail's pace down the hall. She stopped after every couple steps and leaned against the wall. She was so clearly struggling. She poked her head back into the door and said to everyone. "She can barely walk, we can't let her do this, no matter how upset she is. She looks like she is going to keel over. Tony, you have to calm down. I'll go and get her."
Tony pushed past his family. "No. I'll get her."
He didn't yell her name, he just walked up behind her. He was about 2 meters away from her when she went down. She just collapsed onto the floor in a heap. He basically dove trying to catch her before she hit the ground but didn't make it in time. He picked himself up and then reached down and picked her up in his arms. She looked up at him and he used one hand to gently push her head so it rested against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and began to walk with her. He only had to go past 2 rooms before he saw one that was empty. He took her in there and closed the door. It was dark but he chose to leave the lights off. He walked to the bed and sat still holding her in his arms. He nuzzled his face into her neck, "I'm sorry I lost it. I am so sorry, I love you so much and I am just so scared right now and I don't know how to handle it. You have to understand sweetheart, there is nothing in the world that would ever make me walk away from you..."
"I don't understand Tony. Aren't you glad that I didn't let Sam touch Jess? That's your baby sister, I thought you would never forgive me...or I'd never forgive myself, if I let him touch her again."
"This situation is almost so impossible to get my head around baby. Of course me and my family will be forever grateful that Jess didn't have to go through that but how...how to ever be able to weigh that up with the fact that instead of Jess going through that it was you...I just don't know how to do that. None of us do. Can you understand that?"
"Yeah but..."
"And Chelle, it is so painful to me to think that you would think for a second that I would have ever been upset or not forgiven you if you hadn't done what you did. You made the most admirable, selfless decision any one could ever make..."
She looked up at him. It was clear she was still very dopey from the medications. Her words were still slurred and drawn out and she looked like she was concentrating so hard on getting her words out. "I promised you. I promised Jess, I'd look after her. If you could have seen the look on her face Tony when she told me how scared and sick she felt when he touched her...I'll never be able to get that out of my head. I didn't want to let you down or her down..."
He could see that she was starting to get very uncomfortable in the position they were in and so he had her lie down on her back and he lay on his side next to her. He made sure their bodies were touching and he kept an arm around her. "You sweetheart, are just so incredible. I've never met anyone in my life that is as selfless and special as you. That your word is so important...that you put everyone else ahead of yourself. There are not many people in the world that could ever be like you and yet most the time I think you don't even realise how special that is, how brave and courageous you are."
"Nobody has ever said the kind of sweet things you say to me Tony."
"I don't know how that is possible baby. I still don't know how I managed to find you...be the luckiest guy in the world to have you."
"Even now, when you know another man has just touched me?"
He could feel his eyes beginning to tear up again. He kissed her and stroked her head. "Oh baby..."
"I mean it Tony. You are the only one in my heart. I said to you that I was yours...I'd never even look at another guy. And now...I feel like I have let you down, betrayed you...I feel so dirty and ashamed, I want to shower and scrub my body till it's raw and get every bit of skin he touched off me..."
Her words were physically making him feel ill. He wanted to crawl inside her head and erase everything and replace it with all of his thoughts of her. He wished there was a way of making any of this just the tiniest bit easier. He didn't think emotionally he had ever been so robbed and drained in his life. The only good thing at the moment was that it was just the 2 of them and they were finally talking, opening up and holding each other. "You didn't betray me, you didn't let me down. You were assaulted, that has got nothing to do with you betraying me. You are a victim baby, the victim of a very sick and disgusting man. You know what I want to do?"
"What?"
"I want to kiss every inch of your skin. I want to replace any part of you he touched with my touch..."
"You really feel that way?"
He kissed her neck, using his tongue all the way from her shoulder up to her ear, then across her cheek to her lips. He opened her mouth and kissed her gently but passionately. Then he picked up her hand and kissed it all over. "I really do. You are mine...I've got you back and I'm never letting go."
"When you said to me before to please put you out of your misery, what did you mean?"
"When you were getting fixed up, you were basically unconscious a lot of the time. I spoke to Dad and he told me everything Jess had said had happened. Everything from the moment you were taken. Things you had said to each other, the way you held each other, from when you were in the boot to the motel...everything that she could remember. I think hearing it all was the hardest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Every word felt like I was being stabbed in the heart. Then I would look over at you, see the most beautiful, adorable woman out cold, covered in bruises and being stitched up. I felt like I snapped, like it was too painful to think about but then I got angry with myself for thinking about how painful it was for me to hear it when you were the one that lived it. I got the whole story except for the part where you got taken into another room with Sam and Jess didn't know what happened. I started imagining everything under the sun that Sam could have done to you and that is when I really lost it because I didn't know what was real, what wasn't. I said that because I wanted you to help put a stop to my imagination going crazy. I wanted facts, so I could deal with those. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that at all and especially with everyone else around."
There was silence for a few moments as Michelle digested everything he said. She looked into his eyes and she could see that his were searching hers for answers. It made her for the first time be able to put herself in Tony's position and then imagine how she would feel if the situation was reversed. She knew she would be exactly the same way. She would want to know every detail of what Tony had been through, no matter how hard it was too hear.
She took in a huge breath. "I'm going to close my eyes and tell you what happened. If you are not here when I open them, I will completely understand but I get it now. I understand why you need to know because I would be the same way."
"You don't need to close your eyes beautiful because I am not going anywhere, I give you my word." His heart started pounding and his hands were shaking.
"When Sam closed the door behind us he grabbed me and put his hand on my chest and pinned me against the wall. He pressed so hard it felt like his hand was going to go through my chest. He started talking, saying that he thought about fucking me the first time he ever saw me. He asked me if I loved you..." she opened her eyes and looked at him, he was staring back at her with tears running down his cheeks.
"He asked you that?"
"Yeah, I told him that of course I did and that he would never be half the man you were. Then he started asking me questions about our sex life...it was almost like it was a turn on for him."
"Like what kind of questions?"
"Like what position you took me in. If I liked it rough, how I often I had to fake an orgasm with you..."
Tony was shocked. He never imagined that any of this would have happened. "Did you answer him?"
"I lied about just about everything. I didn't want him knowing anything about us and how we are intimate with each other. The only thing I didn't lie to him about was the fact that I never had to fake anything with you." She gave him a tiny smile and he returned it. She went to close her eyes again but he asked her gently to keep looking at him, if she could.
"Then he told me to take my top off and I said no. He would have told me 5 or 6 times and I kept refusing so he said if I didn't do it he would just go and get Jess. I had been trying to push him away but when he said that I finally just dropped my hands. I started to do it but it felt disgusting doing that for him, I guess he got so frustrated that I was taking so long that he ripped at my shirt and then pulled it off. He literally just grabbed the front of my bra and pulled on it so hard until it snapped and fell off. Then I was left standing in front of him like that. He started groping me."
Tony could see she was starting to shake and her breathing was getting faster and faster. He held onto her tighter. Hi voice was broken, "Was he rough with you?"
She nodded her head. Then she began to cry, her words were stuttered and her eyes started looking everywhere, "Yes but not in a passionate rough kind of way. It was just forceful and...And I don't understand Tony how that could have been fun for him? It was just like hurting someone...not a sexual moment. He was twisting me and pulling and squeezing so hard. Why would he be like that?"
Tony was crying with her. "I don't know baby. Maybe it was just because he needed to feel dominate and in control? I don't understand...I'm sorry."
"It's just that when we are together, even if we are rough and get really carried away, it still feels like every touch is full of love and passion and a desire to just be closer and closer to each other. With him, it was like...how hard can I hurt her?"
"Tony stroked her face. "You can't compare baby. What we have is built on love and it is real. This guy knew you hate him, that you didn't want this and the only reason he was even able to touch you was because he was threatening you. It is nothing like you and me."
Michelle nodded her head. It actually felt like it was helping to talk to Tony. His answers helped her understand.
"Are you ok sweetie? I know how hard this is but..."
She put her hand on his chest right over his heart, "You are helping me Tony. I didn't know how to think about this stuff or what it meant but talking it out and hearing your side makes me feel a bit better."
He felt so relieved. Although this was the hardest conversation he had ever had, it was also making him feel even closer to her. "I've never been more in love with you Michelle than I am right this minute...I've never felt closer to anyone in my entire life."
"Me too. I love you."
They watched each other for a few moments. She stroked his chest and he stroked and kissed her head. Then she continued. "The whole time I was trying to figure out how I was going to get out of the situation. I knew I was never going to let him sleep with me, I couldn't. I just didn't know when or how I was going to make a move or over power him. I felt so tired and weak. I could hear the TV blasting from the other room and so I was panicking about what was happening with Ashley and Jess. I didn't want her out there alone with him for too long either. He pulled his top off and took his pants down. Then he pulled mine down. I struggled against him and we kind of wrestled for a few minutes but I lost and he got my pants and underwear down. He grabbed the top of my shoulders and pushed me down onto my knees. You know what he wanted me to do but when he tried to push himself at my face...I...I...threw up. I threw up all over him."
Tony had no idea how to even think about that. It made him feel kind of good that she had done that.
"I bet you can imagine how much that pissed him off. He started slapping me and punching me and I just told him I couldn't help it if the thought of touching him made me puke." She kind of smiled again.
Tony rubbed his nose gently with hers. "I couldn't think of a better way to let a guy know how much he repulses you."
"He pulled me back up and then he stood back and lit a cigarette. He said to me that if I moved an inch he would be done with me and go back to Jess. He wiped himself off with his top. Then he ran his hands down my stomach to...I couldn't stop him Tony..." She burst into tears and kept repeating that she couldn't get his hand away from her. Tony pulled her whole body into his hugging her. He could so easily picture exactly what she was telling him and it hurt like hell. When he heard her say she was sorry that she couldn't stop him he cut her off, "don't say you are sorry, don't you dare apologise for what he did. I love you, you are so strong."
"3 times when he got so pissed off with me for fighting against him he took his cigarette and pushed it into my thigh. He did it until it went out and then he would just light another one."
"That mother fucking bastard. I swear to god..."
"When he did that, that's when I really knew this guy was going to stop at nothing to get what he wanted and he really didn't care how much he hurt me. I knew if he raped me that he would kill me and then Jess would be left alone. So when he stood back up to light the 4th smoke I sat up and punched him as hard as I possibly could in the groin. He screamed and doubled over. I stood up and hit him with my elbow on the back of his neck which made him drop to the ground. He was crying but swearing at me and saying that this was it he was going to kill me so I just kept hitting him. I managed to pull my pants up so that I could use my legs and kick him. I kicked him in the head over and over and over. Then I kicked him in the groin again like 5 times. He looked like he was out so I was going to run but then he started moving again. He could barely talk but he had the scariest look in his eye. I reached for the lamp by the bed and smashed him across the face with it. His head dropped to ground and this time he didn't move. I figured he might even be dead. That's when I opened the door, saw Jess still standing in the same spot I had left her in down the hall. I checked the bathroom window and saw it was big enough for us to crawl through so I mouthed to Jess to tell Ash she had to go to the toilet. From the grunt he gave her I think he was so stoned or out of it he didn't know what the hell was going on. That's when we crawled through the window and ran as fast as we could until the motel was out of sight. And you pretty much know from there."
Tony shook his head in amazement. "You were incredible baby. You stood up for yourself and you literally kicked his ass. You did that, all on your own...you managed to overpower a man and beat him. I am so proud of you. Aren't you proud of yourself for managing to get yourself out of that situation?"
"I'm just so relieved that I didn't let him get any further. I don't know if it was adrenaline or what but when I was punching and kicking him I felt stronger than I ever would have thought I was."
"Baby, you are so strong. You saved your life. You saved Jess and me. Wow!"
They stopped and looked at each other, Tony wiped the tears from her cheeks. "You're still here..."
"And more in love with you than you could ever imagine Chelle..."
Just as he was speaking the door opened and the Connor walked in. "Michelle, Tony! We didn't know where you went. Are you ok?"
Tony sat up a little. "Sorry doc...Connor. We needed a few minutes..."
"That's ok, but your family is very worried. And I really need to check you again Michelle." He walked into the room so he was a little closer to them. "I want to check you over again Michelle and then if you are ready, we will do the ultrasound."
Michelle looked at him confused. "Ultrasound?"
Tony squeezed her hand. "I told Connor you are pregnant and we need to check the baby."
"Ok." She felt very nervous. She didn't think she could handle hearing anything bad about the baby. She would fall apart if something was wrong.
Connor started to walk back towards the door. "I'll send someone with a wheelchair, I don't want you walking back to your room."
Tony sat up. "No need, I'll just carry her back."
He slid off the bed and picked Michelle up in his arms. As they made their way back Tony whispered, "Are you ready for this...everyone, I mean?"
"I guess so. Almeida?"
"Yes?"
"I really want to be able to shower. I need to get him off me, I can still smell him."
"I'll talk to Connor and see what I can do. Thank you for talking to me baby, I know that must have been terrifyingly hard."
"It was the hardest thing but I feel closer to you for it. I love you."
There you go, pretty long chapter. I hope I managed to get it right, it was very difficult to write. Please let me know what you think. THANKS!