Thank you for all of your reviews. I hope you like this chapter...it is getting very hard to write, so please let me know if you still want me to continue or not and what you think. ADULTS ONLY
Tony had stayed with Michelle in the room whilst Charlie had gone back upstairs and spoken to Connor and signed a form for him to take over her care and release the hospital of any further responsibility of Michelle.
Feeling uncomfortable of the thought of Natalie and Jess on their own back at his house trying to pack things up, Charlie had called a good family friend, Nathan to go over and meet them and help them get everything packed and over to the hotel. Nathan stayed with the girls until Charlie, Tony and Michelle arrived.
Tony pushed Michelle in a wheelchair out to a cab they had called and the 3 of them went straight over to the hospital Charlie worked out of. His assistant was more than surprised to see him rock up with Michelle and Tony, especially in the state they were all in. He introduced them all and then asked her to pack a medical bag for him. He wrote down a list of supplies he needed her to pack and organize for him. Whilst she took care of that, Charlie took Michelle into one of the rooms to do the scan on her thigh.
The scan showed the blood in the area beginning to clot, so it was very lucky he had checked it out. He would need to give Michelle injections to stop it from getting any worse. Whilst she seemed so grateful to be out of the hospital, she was certainly very quiet. She was pale and very unsteady on her feet. Charlie pulled Tony to one side to speak to him privately. Whilst he did that he gave Michelle his phone and told her to call her brother Danny and let him know she was ok and where she would be staying.
Once they were in private Charlie had Tony sit down.
"What's up Dad? Did the scan show something worse than you are saying?"
"No no, nothing like that. I just need to talk to you about something very delicate. If Michelle had been bought into my care as a stranger, I would be organizing a 'rape kit'..."
He could see Tony's body tense up straight away. He kept going, trying to get it all out as quickly as he could. "Considering the circumstances, I think it would be a lot more appropriate for me to call a female doctor...who is trained in this...to come and see Michelle. I know someone that is very good and would be extremely gently and sensitive towards Michelle, she would also be happy I am sure to come to the hotel."
Tony's voice had become quiet and a little shaky. "Dad, Chelle told me what happened. He didn't actually rape her..."
Charlie couldn't believe he had to have this conversation with his son. "Yeah but he did touch her, right?"
Tony nodded his head.
"Are we talking about him..." Charlie just didn't know how to say this, "ummm, Tony by the look of that bruise, am I right in saying he didn't just touch her chest?"
Tony could feel his whole body becoming so tense. Just thinking about what Sam had done to her made his blood boil. "Yeah, you are right Dad."
"I know this is hard Tony, I am really sorry but we both want Michelle to be treated correctly for everything and I can't make certain decisions unless I know what I am dealing with."
"I know Dad, I know this isn't easy for you either and I really appreciate you doing this. As hard as it is, I won't be happy unless I know she has gotten all the help possible."
Charlie nodded his head. "Was this really rough?"
Tony took a deep breath. "Yes, he was rough. You will also see when you examine her properly later that on her other leg she has cigarette burns. He pushed cigarettes into her leg when she wouldn't do what he asked."
Charlie tried to talk but the lump in his throat was so big it took him a moment to take everything in and calm down. A doctor would never normally treat a patient they knew so personally, especially in a case like this and it was the first time in his career he had ever been in this situation. He understood now very clearly why it wasn't the best idea; it was so difficult not to get extremely emotional over every little thing. He tried to push that to the side though as he knew that their plan was best for Tony and Michelle and nothing was more important to him than that. "Ok, I think it would be really good to have this lady come and see Michelle. She is a therapist as well and I strongly believe it would do Michelle the world of good to talk to her. I also want Jess to speak with her as well."
"That's a good idea."
"You might want to think about talking to either her or someone else as well Tony. You have been to hell and back."
"I've got you. I can talk to you Dad."
That made Charlie smile. He thought about the last few years and how withdrawn and sullen Tony had been with everyone. Even before the situation with Nina it was like pulling teeth to get Tony to talk to them about work and what he went through. Everything he had gone through with Michelle seemed to be changing all that for the better. She changed Tony and obviously had been teaching him that it was ok to open up and let go sometimes. It made Charlie feel like he was becoming a lot closer to Tony, something he had been yearning for, for years now. They had never fought and when Tony was a child they were extremely close but as he completed his training and moved into CTU he started to lose that spark and his behaviour always suggested he had the weight of the world on his shoulders but felt like he was completely on his own. He put his hand on Tony's shoulder. "You sure do son, you sure do."
They walked back into the room to find Michelle lying there staring at the ceiling.
"Did you call Danny sweetheart?"
She shook her head. "Nah, I just sent him a text saying I was staying at a hotel with you for a few days and he could reach me on this number."
"You didn't mention anything that has happened? He is your brother, he will want to know...and then there is Nick, it has been days since we have touched base with him..."
"I don't want to talk to either of them about it...not yet anyways.'
"But..."
"Tony, you saw what my brother can be like. He is likely to fly off the handle and go nuts and I can't deal with that right now and Nick...I don't think I ever want Nick to know. There is no need to stress him out."
Tony leaned down and kissed her. "Ok baby, whatever you want. We will organize a new phone for you and me as soon as possible but in the mean time if you want to call any friends or anyone just Dad's ok? I'll leave it up to you to decide when you are ready to talk to people."
She looked relieved. "Thanks sweetie."
He went to stand up but she caught his arm. "Tony?"
"Yes"
"I'm really lucky to have you. I don't know what I'd do without you."
They kissed and he felt his heart flutter. "We make a perfect team yeah?"
"Yeah we do."
An hour later and the whole family was checked into a very nice hotel down town. They got 2 suites next to each other with joining doors. Jess had her own room, so did Charlie and Natalie and Tony and Michelle. Then there was a large lounge room and a small sitting room.
Tony had carried Michelle from the cab all the way up to the room and onto one of the beds. Everyone came in to say hello. Jess jumped on the bed, she seemed a little excited. She handed Michelle and Tony a package. "Mum and I stopped and got these for you guys."
Michelle ripped it open to find 3 books all about pregnancy. There was one for expecting Dads, expecting mums and then one for the both of them. "We figured you would have lots of time to read and we know how much you both said you needed to learn!"
Michelle and Tony laughed and thanked them. Michelle felt good. With all the drama going on it was nice to be able to keep remembering that she was pregnant with Tony's baby.
Michelle got everyone's attention. "Ummm you have all been so good to me and I'll never be able to repay you for your support and kindness but there is something I want you to let me do. You know I have this inheritance...I want to pay for the hotel and all the room service and movies or whatever we use..."
Tony and Charlie shook their heads. "I'm serious. The money has to be used on something and I couldn't think of a better way. I told Tony I want us to be able to enjoy the money; Dad would have wanted me to. So Jess...go nuts and order whatever you want, when you want."
It took a little negotiating but eventually they caved in. Charlie and Natalie had no idea how much money Michelle actually had but when they were discussing it, it became pretty clear to pay for something like this was a drop in the bucket for her. Charlie decided to let it slide for now but in his own mind he figured he would find a way to make sure he was the one that paid.
After they had chatted for awhile, Charlie went back into doctor mode. He asked Jess and Natalie to leave the room and get some food sorted out for them whilst he checked on Michelle. Tony started to pull some of their clothes out of the suitcase so they could both change into something more comfortable.
Charlie put his medicine case on the table beside the bed and then leaned on the chair. "Ok Chelle, this is where it might get a little bit hard. Seeing as it was Connor that attended to you when you were admitted, I haven't really seen any of your wounds. I need to do a proper check. Your side, I am sure will need cleaning again by now and I just need to know what it is I am dealing with. Would you like an injection for pain now before I start?"
"Yes please but can you not make it so strong that I can barely do anything like Connor was giving me at the hospital."
He told her he could lighten it a little. She just needed to let him know if she was too uncomfortable and needed more. He asked Tony to help Michelle get into a t-shirt and either shorts or leave the boxer shorts she had on now for the time being. Charlie faced away and got everything prepared. Michelle went quiet as Tony helped her into one of his cub's tops. She did feel a little embarrassed and nervous for Tony's Dad to be seeing her like this but it sure as hell beat the alternative and so she decided to just suck it up and get on with it. Charlie was doing everything he could to make her feel comfortable and she was grateful for that.
Tony got her propped up a little on some pillows and then he lay beside her. Once Charlie had turned back around, Tony took the bottom of her top and slowly lifted it up. He stopped at her bra line but he knew it was going to have to come up further. Michelle's eyes were darting all over the place but the injection was starting to kick in and he could see her shoulders relax back into the bed and her fingers unclench from the sheets.
It took Charlie a good 20 minutes to clean the wound and put tape back over it again. Michelle seemed fine as he did that. Then he applied cream and bandage over some small patches where she had scrubbed her skin a little raw. Tony watched his Dad's every move and Michelle. He held her hand and helped his Dad whenever he needed it. Once her stomach was done Charlie stood back up for a second. "Ok Michelle, are there bruises, cuts, anything on your chest?"
He expected her to say no straight away but the medication must have really kicked in. Her words were a little slurred. "Yeah. Ummm, I am sore and I am pretty sure I have some scratches or something." She looked at Tony. "You know..."
"Dad, Michelle has a bruise that is really red and swollen in the shape of a hand at the top of her chest, just below her neck. It is pretty bad. She also has bruises on both breasts and on the left side I noticed in the shower that she had scrubbed it enough that it was bleeding." He squeezed Michelle's hand as he spoke.
Charlie tried to think of the best way to handle this, he didn't want Michelle to feel completely exposed. In the end he suggested that they remove her top and he would check the handprint and anything else he could see. He would then leave the room for a few minutes and have Tony remove her bra and apply the cream where it was needed. They all seemed comfortable with that.
Michelle looked up at Charlie and saw how nervous he was. She was feeling pretty relaxed about everything at the moment and so she did her best to lighten things up. "It's ok Charlie, I'm just going to pretend I'm in a bikini top!" The 3 of them laughed and it worked, Charlie seemed to chill out a little.
Tony helped her pull the top off and she lay back down. When Michelle looked down and saw the handprint she suddenly snapped back to reality and tears welled up in her eyes. Tony noticed straight away. He kissed her cheek. "Try not to think about it baby. Look at me."
She looked at Tony but as soon as their eyes met it made her really start to sob. "It's horrible, how can you even stand to look at it?"
He leaned his head right over hers so she had nowhere to look but at him. He kissed her, "It will heal sweetheart, it will heal in no time. You are beautiful."
"How can you say that? How can you think that? I don't want you to be turned off me..."
"Hey hey, don't ever think that. You are the most stunning woman in the world. I love you so much baby."
Charlie had no choice but to step back and let Tony console her. It was heartbreaking to watch. Tony continued to tell her over and over how beautiful she was and kiss her tears away. After a few minutes when she calmed down a little, Tony had Michelle look at him whilst Charlie looked at it. There were fingernail scratches and little blood vessels that had burst. It was incredibly swollen and one of the most vicious marks of that type he had ever seen on somebody. The force that Sam must have used on her was overwhelming. As Charlie continued Tony made Michelle look at him, every time she went to look back he held her head by her chin and told her to look at him.
Once Charlie was satisfied with her top half, he instructed Tony on how much cream to use and what to look for. He was hoping it wasn't too bad and that Tony would be able to handle it on his own. When he walked out of the room he went to find Natalie and hugged her straight away. She was taken off guard. She held him tightly back, "Rough in there?"
He made sure Jess wasn't in ear shot. "What that poor girl has been through...it is unbelievable. I could kill Sam."
"What's happening now?"
"Tony is applying some cream for me. I'm not finished yet, shouldn't be too much longer." He shook his head and buried it into his wife's neck. "This is so hard...harder than I thought. I can't stand to see them both in so much pain." Natalie kept her arms wrapped around him and told him that she loved him and that they would get through this. That he was doing a really good thing by helping Michelle here so she could be out of the hospital.
Tony had called out to his Dad that they were ready. When Charlie walked back in the room he could tell that Tony had been crying and Michelle still was a little bit. He checked Michelle's blood pressure, which was up but he expected that and she also had a temperature. She looked exhausted but she was trying to fight the medication.
"Why don't you try and drift off to sleep Chelle? You don't need to fight the medication."
"Are you done?"
"No, I need to do your legs but it is ok for you to drift off whilst I do that."
Michelle looked at Tony and then back at Charlie. She felt nervous because he was going to have to look at the top of her other thigh where she had the burns.
Charlie could see Michelle had become nervous. "Are you ok?"
"It's just that...well you wanted me to tell you everything and be open with you and it's not just the bruise on my thigh. I've got...I've got these burns..."
"I know Michelle. I had to ask Tony at my office what injuries you had so I knew what to bring and be prepared for."
She looked at them both. Her voice was extremely quiet and vulnerable. "Do you know everything Sam did to me?"
He shook his head. "No. This is very ummm...hard. Michelle, if you were a stranger that I was treating, I would be organizing a rape kit and doing quite a few more tests on you. Now, I have a woman that I trust very much from the hospital and I think it would be really good if she came and saw you. She specializes in this and she would make you feel as comfortable as possible."
Michelle was shaking her head slowly. "I don't need...I don't want..." She stopped and took a very deep breath, "he didn't get that far."
Charlie sat on a chair next to the bed. "But he did touch you?"
Michelle didn't know where to look. She knew she had to tell the truth, Tony was holding her hand and he knew everything. "Yes."
Charlie was trying to use his most gentle soothing voice. "Will you talk to Michelle? I promise anything you say will stay between the 3 of us. I would never even breathe a word to Natalie of Jess. What concerns me is that if he was rough with you, that you might have injuries that should be getting checked sooner rather than later?"
Michelle nodded her head that she understood. "He was rough with me but I'm sure that I am ok...I don't want you to call that other woman."
Charlie was very happy that Michelle was talking to him. He knew the medication had made her drop her guard a lot. "You are doing really good Chelle. How do you feel, have you had any bleeding or are there any signs to suggest that he may have caused some damage?"
"I promise you, I would tell you but there haven't been any signs..."
Tony was stroking her arm, so proud of her for having the courage to open up like this.
Charlie nodded his head. "Any pain?"
"Now or then?"
Her question caught him off guard a little. It was taking every ounce of strength he had not to cry or over react. "I know he must have hurt you, it is more than clear how rough he was with you...do you have any pain now though? Or did you before I gave you the pain injection?"
Her words were beginning to slur a little and her eyes were starting to squint even more. "Charlie, do you really promise me that you won't say anything to anyone? I don't want Jess to know what happened...I don't want anyone else to ever know what happened. I am not good with this type of thing and I just need you to promise me."
"You have my word Michelle. What the 3 of us talk about stays between the 3 of us. I'll never break your trust."
"Will you still be able to look at me in the same way?"
Tony let the tears stream down his cheeks. Just the vulnerability in her voice was enough to break his heart but he hated knowing she was afraid that he or his Dad would ever think anything but amazing things about her made him feel sick. He knew enough, so did Charlie, that most people who go through an ordeal like she just had, blame themselves and feel ashamed and he knew he was going to have to work really hard to stop her feeling that way. He squeezed her hand and looked up at his Dad.
Charlie gave her a smile then picked up her other hand and held it. "What, do you mean will I still think of you as the most courageous, brave, intelligent woman that I have since we met? That I love you as family and the special person carrying my first grandchild," he looked at Tony and smiled, "as the love of my son's life and the beautiful woman that saved my daughter's life?...Then yes that is exactly how I look at you and will still look at you, no matter what."
He had managed to make Michelle smile. That was one of the sweetest things she had ever heard. Charlie was fast filling the enormous hole in her heart that she had had since she lost her own Dad. "Wow...I wish my Dad could have met you. You would have gotten along so well and I know he would be so happy I have you in my life. Thank you Charlie."
"Just telling you the truth Michelle and I wish I could have had the honour of meeting your father."
Michelle could tell she was slurring her words and fast losing the battle not to fall asleep. She didn't want to close her eyes though, she knew she would have nightmares, she tried so hard to keep fighting the medication. She took a couple deep breaths. "When he was...you know...it was really painful, I was fighting him so hard and it was making him angrier and angrier. But I am sure I am ok. I didn't have any pain before the needle, I promise."
Charlie accepted what she said. He let go of her hand and stood back up. She spoke again, it was getting harder and harder to understand her as it was almost just a mumble. "So you won't make me get checked out by that woman?"
"No, I am not going to force you to do anything you are not comfortable with. As long as you tell me if anything changes than I will leave it at that. I will talk to you later though about you just talking to her."
She nodded her head and thanked him. He asked her to show him where the burns were. She reached down and tried to pull the shorts up, Tony had to help her a little but they got them up and over the bandage that was already there. Charlie began to take it off. He was very surprised when Michelle spoke quietly, "I was trying to fight him off. I kept closing my eyes and picturing Tony and telling myself that I had to get home to him, I had to find a way to get out of the situation and home to Tony. But every time I refused him...he...would push his lit cigarette into me. Then he would light up another one and repeat the process...but I kept fighting him Charlie. I didn't care how angry I made him, I just couldn't...couldn't..." she couldn't get anymore out. Her breathing was getting heavier and faster.
"You were so brave Michelle. I've never known someone to be so strong and brave. You should be proud, you are amazing."
Tony wasn't use to seeing Michelle with her guard down. Up until their first kiss he had been chipping away slowly at her, trying to get her to express how she felt more after missions or particularly hard days. That's why on that day when she finally fell apart in front of him he had been so surprised. When she had allowed herself to be vulnerable with him it had been a very good feeling, deep deep inside. It made him feel like it was the start of a whole new side to their relationship. He knew he would never forget those few moments they had shared in the hallway and how she had made him feel when she turned to him like that. Now, because of the drugs her guard was completely down. He hated seeing her so upset, he tried to tell her that it was ok and to take some slow, long deep breaths.
Charlie took her pulse and blood pressure again. It was higher. He needed to get her calmed down.
She turned Tony. "Are you angry with me? Are you mad that..."
He cut her off, "I've never been angry at you sweetheart, why would you even think that?"
"I don't know...I just don't want you to see all this and get..."
"Hey hey, I have already seen everything baby. You told me everything and I have seen everything and I just love you more and more. Try and think good things honey..."
"Like what?"
He gently placed his hand on her stomach. "Like our little baby." Then he took her hand and kissed the back of it, "And we are together. After everything we are here together."
She was trying so hard to just get her breathing under control but she couldn't.
Charlie reached for his case. "I'm going to give you another injection Chelle."
"NO!"
He was surprised. "Why not? It will help."
"I don't want to sleep. I don't want to close my eyes."
Charlie had the biggest lump in his throat. She was scared to even close her eyes and sleep because she knew she would have nightmares. He knelt down beside her. "We are all here, no one is going anywhere. Tony will hold you the whole time. If you have a bad dream, when you open your eyes you will see us and know everything is ok again. You can't stay awake forever Chelle."
Tony pulled her so that her head rested in his arm and he could stroke her head. "Dad's right sweetheart. I'm right here and I won't let go."
She was listening and she believed them and she knew she was exhausted but she didn't know how to make herself calm down. The more she tried to calm down and couldn't, the more frustrated and agitated she became. She was getting worse by the second.
Charlie looked at Tony, "I have to do it or else..."
"Do it." He kept Michelle still and Charlie gave her the injection. Tony had to keep holding her tightly for a few minutes before the medication started to work. He just kept stroking her hair and telling her he loved her.
Within minutes Michelle was asleep. They were both relieved.
"You hanging in there Tony?"
"Yeah, I just can't stand seeing her like this, I feel so useless."
"I know, I do as well but this is the best we can be doing. There is no easy way through this. You have one very special young woman here Tony. A heart of gold. I couldn't be happier as a father to see my son end up with someone like Michelle. You are perfect for each other...just make sure you get that ring on her finger soon!"
Tony laughed. "I know, I will. I just need a time when she isn't drugged up to be able to talk to her. I want her to be able to remember the moment." He lowered his voice, "And I need to know she is saying 'yes' because she really wants to, not because..."
Charlie didn't let him finish, "She loves you more than anything Tony. You will make her so happy but yes, I agree you need to wait until she isn't feeling completely out of it."
Tony helped Charlie remove the bandage and when Charlie saw the burns he muttered "fucking bastard." Tony looked at him, "You see Dad, see why I just want 5 minutes with him?"
Charlie nodded, "Yeah, I don't think I have ever been as angry as I have been today." He cleaned the burns, "they are going to scare pretty bad."
"Don't tell Chelle that yet."
After Charlie had finished checking all the marks on Michelle's body he checked out Tony's hands and ankle. His knuckles were badly bruised, swollen and had a lot of little cuts on them. He made Tony lie with and ice pack on one of his hands and his ankle. When Michelle was awake then he wanted to put ice packs on her as well but he didn't want to do it now in case he woke her up.
In the time it took him to turn around and put everything back into his case, Tony fell asleep. He pulled a blanket up over them both and crept out of the room. He found Jess and Natalie watching TV. Jess was half asleep as well. Once she found out from Charlie that Michelle and Tony were ok, they were sleeping now, she nodded off herself within minutes. Natalie pulled Charlie down onto the sofa with him and they held each other, talking quietly about the day and how rough the next few days were going to be. Before long, they had also fallen asleep.
At 1 in the morning, everybody woke to an almighty scream from Jess. She had been having a nightmare and it took Natalie minutes to wake her up properly and snap her out of it. As soon as she woke up properly, she bawled into her mums shoulder.
Tony and Michelle looked at each other trying to figure out what the noise was that had woken them up. Tony said he would get up and check but Michelle was insistent on coming with him, she needed the bathroom anyways. Tony waited for Michelle and then he helped her slowly make their way out to the lounge. Natalie had managed to calm Jess down by now. "I'm sorry I woke you..."
Tony looked at the time. "Don't worry about it Kid, are you ok?"
"Yeah, just a bit of a nightmare."
"Has everyone been sleeping?"
Charlie stood up. "Yep, we all really needed it. It has been hours. Everyone must be hungry though."
Everyone agreed they could eat. Tony was dying for a coffee as well, he took orders from everyone and called room service. "Looks like our body clocks are going to be out of wack for awhile!"
Natalie smiled. "That's ok, no one has anywhere to be. We can do what we want, when we want for a few days."
Tony sat on one of the couches and had Michelle sit on his lap with him. Charlie went and got ice packs out for both of them. "Chelle, I need these on these spots on your legs, and one on your chest. Tony, you need to put one on your ankle again."
Tony couldn't help but smile at how funny it felt having his Dad giving him instructions, it was like he was a little kid again. Michelle had to lie down for Charlie to rest one on the top of her chest, just under her neck. The pressure hurt like hell and made her wince. "Just for a couple minutes at a time and then you can have breaks from it but I need that swelling to go down."
As Michelle did as her Dad asked, Jess couldn't help but wonder why Michelle needed an ice pack there. She ended up asking. Michelle just told her she had a bruise there but Jess pushed it. She wasn't dumb, Michelle was covered in bruises and they weren't putting ice packs on all of them. When Tony could see that Michelle didn't know how to answer he told Jess that Sam had pushed her particularly hard there and it was very swollen. Jess wanted to know more but once she saw Michelle seemed really uncomfortable talking about it, she dropped it.
Over the next couple hours they all watched a movie together and ate up a storm. They had watched a romantic comedy, staying clear of anything heavy. They were trying but none of them were ready to sit laughing yet and most the movie just played out giving them something to do for a little while.
By the end of it Michelle was so sore she felt like she could barely move. The pain medication had worn off and it felt like her whole body was tightening up and aching. "Charlie, can I have something for pain?"
He told her of course and jumped up to grab his case. Michelle tried to sit up but even just doing that was so painful it bought her to tears. Tony tried to help her get into a comfortable position. Charlie gave Michelle the injection and then he took her blood pressure again. It was still really high. He was starting to think he was going to have to call and get some medication for it because he didn't have anything for it on him. "Michelle, your blood pressure seems to be getting higher and higher, I think I am going to have to get you something for it if it doesn't come down in the next few hours."
"Ok, but I don't want it to be a hassle for you."
"It's not, nothing is a hassle." He sat back on the arm of the couch and applied the ice pack to her again. He held it on for a couple of minutes and then gave her a break for a few before putting it back on again. Everyone was sitting around and he took this as a good time to tell them what he had been thinking. "Tomorrow, I would really like this lady I know from the hospital, to come and have a chat with you Jess and Michelle..."
"What for Dad?"
"You have both been through a really traumatic experience and I think it would be a good idea for you both to talk to her about it."
"A therapist you mean?"
"Yes, but one that is specifically for this type of thing."
Jess looked at Michelle, "Are you going to do it?"
Michelle knew that it would be good for Jess and clearly Natalie and Charlie wanted her to do it and so she said yes, only so Jess would feel more comfortable with it.
"If Michelle does, I guess so. Do I have to be on my own with her?"
Natalie was sitting next to Jess and rubbed her back. "What would you prefer sweetie? Your Dad or I or both of us can be with you or you can do it by yourself, whatever makes you feel most comfortable."
"Mum, I don't want to do it on my own. If you come in, then I will try it."
"Of course."
Jess was dying to know what had happened to Michelle in that room. Like everyone, she had been imaging every scenario possible and she carried so much guilt over it that she felt like she didn't know how to handle it, especially when she didn't know the whole truth. She asked if the others would mind if she talked to Michelle alone for a minute. Charlie told Michelle she could have a break from the ice pack for a bit and then the 3 of them headed off into one of the other rooms to give the girls some privacy.
Once inside the bedroom, Tony told his parents that he thought Jess was going to push Michelle into telling her what had happened and that Michelle would get frustrated really quickly. If it got out of hand he would be going back out there, he didn't want Michelle any more upset than she already was, as much as he could understand why Jess felt the way she did. They agreed.
Michelle was feeling a little out of it again from the injection but she had a feeling what this was going to be about. Jess sat across from Michelle. "Chelle, I know you said at the hospital you didn't want to talk about it but I really need to know..."
"What's on your mind Jess?'"
"I need to know what Sam did to you in that room."
Michelle closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She tried to speak as calmly and gentle as possible. "I don't think any good can come from it Jess."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want you to have to think about it. You have to believe me when I say that he did not sleep with me..."
"Clearly though he did a lot...I don't know how I am supposed to deal with this or understand it when I don't know the whole story."
"All I want you to think about is that he is out of your life now for good. You are safe from him and I am so proud of you for how you got through everything with me. You were amazing Jess."
Jess was getting frustrated and her voice rose. "You don't get it Michelle. Sam was the first guy I ever slept with. The first guy I opened myself up to and trusted. To think what he was really like, what he was capable of, makes me feel so sick..."
"I'm so sorry Jess. I had no idea. I want to help you heal from this and move on and one day you will be able to trust men again and you will meet someone that treats you with all the love and respect in the world. I am sorry." Michelle felt horrible knowing that. She had to keep reminding herself that Jess was still only 20 and up until now had been very sheltered. She had no insight into the type of world Michelle and Tony knew. She could imagine how it must feel to have the first man you ever gave yourself to end up being a monster like Sam. This was going to be an incredibly difficult experience for Jess to ever get her head around. She didn't believe though, that hearing all the details of what Sam had done to her would help Jess. It would only make her feel worse and it wasn't something Michelle felt comfortable talking about either, it had been hard enough to tell Tony.
"Don't you think I can handle hearing it? After everything we went through together Michelle, don't I deserve to know what he did? I want to know what you protected me from."
"No Jess. It's not a good idea and I am still trying to process it myself..."
"But I can help you. You can talk to me. I know Sam better than anyone. You helped me more than I'll ever be able to repay you, why won't you lean on me?"
"I am leaning on you. You have been amazing to me Jess and I couldn't be getting through this without you and your family but I just can't talk about this..."
"I see the way Tony looks at you and the devastation in his eyes. I know he knows and I can see what it is doing to you guys..."
"What do you mean by that?"
"The stuff with the shower, the fact that Tony went mental punching the shelves and walls, the way he looks at you..."
"What do you mean the way he looks at me? In a good way or a bad way?" Michelle was getting very upset and frustrated now. Both of them were almost yelling at each other.
"It's not either. It is a look of helplessness. It's my fault my brother feels like that...Of desperation of not knowing how to handle what you have been through and anger of what another man did to you..."
Michelle's voice became broken. "What of disgust?"
"No that's not what I am saying! Disgust at Sam maybe but..."
"So what Jess, you want to feel that way as well? You think I don't already feel shit enough that any of you even know some of what happened but you want me to now make you feel that way as well?"
The girls had become so heated that it was impossible for Charlie, Natalie and Tony not to hear every word being said. This was not good and getting out of hand. Tony's blood was boiling just thinking about it. He could understand where Jess was coming from because he knew his own desperation in needing to know what Michelle had been through but he was shocked to hear what Jess had said about the way he looked at Michelle. All 3 of them ended up rushing out to the room.
Charlie put his hands up in the air. "Stop it girls, this isn't going anywhere..."
Jess was crying and very worked up. She stood up. "Yeah it's not going anywhere because Michelle won't tell me anything!"
Michelle was shaking her head. She didn't know what to say, she didn't even know where to look.
Tony's voice was full of anger and frustration as well. "Jess if Michelle isn't ready to talk about this, you can't push it. I know how you feel..."
"No you don't Tony! You have no fucking idea how I feel. How could any of you know how I feel? I'm not a kid, I can handle the truth. I was there you know...I lived it with Michelle."
"No one is suggesting you are a kid Jess or that you couldn't handle it..."
Jess turned to Michelle. "I love you, I couldn't possibly think more highly of you but I totally regret that. I should never ever have let you step forward like that."
Michelle lifted her head and looked at Jess. "What? How can you say that?"
"It was wrong. This whole thing is so fucking wrong. I was a coward..."
"Jess you were not a coward, don't you dare say that..."
"I've already been with Sam, I could been with him again, I could have handled that yet just because I got so fucking scared, you felt like you had to go through it for me."
Everyone was stunned. Natalie and Charlie knew it was good that Jess was getting this off her chest and they didn't want to stop that but on the other hand they could see how much it was upsetting Michelle and they didn't want that either. Tony looked stunned, like he didn't know what to say or do.
"Jess, when he kissed you at that first house you felt sick. I made a promise to you then that you wouldn't have to go through anymore..."
"So tell me Michelle, why should you have had to go through it?"
"Neither one of us should have fucking had to go through it Jess, that's the whole point. But my job is all about dealing with assholes like this and being in dangerous situations. I am a trained agent, I knew I would be able to get myself out of that situation..."
Jess didn't mean it but it just came out of her mouth before she could stop it, "Yeah well...clearly not quick enough..."
Michelle just stopped and stared at Jess. She could hear Tony telling Jess that that was enough. She felt everyone's eyes on her and she felt sick. She was on the verge of absolutely losing it, she had to get out of there. She started to get up, she felt Charlie's hand on her shoulder stopping her but she wriggled to the side and pushed herself up. Her voice was flat and she stared directly at Jess. "You are right; I wasn't quick enough, or good enough. If I was a better agent then things would have been a whole lot different. Don't think I don't know that." She turned and started to make her way to the bedroom. She could hear Jess apologising and everyone telling her that wasn't true and to stop but she ignored them all and just kept going. She felt like shit. Her whole body hurt, her thigh was throbbing beyond belief and she felt like she was going to be sick. She began to feel dirty and horrible again and wished she could stand under a shower forever and just block everything out.
Tony was only seconds behind her. He reached for her arm, "That's not true Michelle, none of that is true. You can't think that..."
"Why? Everyone else does!"
"Jess didn't mean that sweetheart. She's just not coping but I know she didn't mean it."
Michelle's head was spinning and everything was going blurry. She was really unstable and stumbled against the doorway. She couldn't even focus on Tony but she could feel him trying to hold her arm. "You heard what she said...when you look at me that way...is it in disgust?" That was all she could think. The idea that Tony could be disappointed in her, disgusted by what happened and let down by the way she handled things was the most horrific thought in the world. It was so overwhelming and created so much fear inside her that she wanted to explode. She could hear him saying no but it didn't mean anything, it didn't even register. She was so angry, she used all the strength in the world she could muster up to yank herself out of his grip and step away from him.
Tony screamed, "DAD!"
Charlie rushed over to them. Tony was shocked at how strong she had been to get out of his grip. She wouldn't even look at him and it made him feel like he was losing her. She had one hand up in front of her telling them to back off and the other one was searching for a wall or something to steady herself on. She sobbed, "I'm not talking to this lady. I'm done. You get that? I don't need to be reminded anymore of..."
Tony didn't know what else to do other than to grab her again. He was sure she would fall any second. She tried to push him away, he got one arm around her shoulders, close to pinning her arms down but she managed to writher out of his hold and duck her body a little. Tony was hurt, angry and more than anything, scared that she was trying so hard to get out of his arms. It went against all of his natural instincts to only be nothing but gentle with Michelle but right now they were both out of control. He forcefully grabbed her again and this time when she went to pull out of his grip he used his strength to completely over power her and pull her body into his. He could hear her telling him to stop but the more she resisted him the harder he held on. They were close to the wall and he ended up pushing her body against the wall and standing with every inch of his body pressed into hers and her hands in his. "I'm not letting you go baby, I don't want to hurt you but I'm not going to let you fall or run. You need to stop fighting me."
Charlie could see Michelle was close to passing out. He was panicked about her blood pressure and at the way her and Tony were basically wrestling, all of the stitches and everything would be getting pulled and stretched. He heard her cry out in pain and it sent shivers down his spine. He told Tony to get Michelle onto the bed. He closed the door behind them and then rushed to the other side to grab his case.
Tony had Michelle's hands pinned with just one of his. He used the other to hold her chin. "Look at me baby."
She couldn't look at him. She didn't want to see the look in his eyes. Jess's words played over and over in her head, mixed with images of Sam and what he had done. She felt so ashamed she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She was crying in pain, her side was killing, she thought for sure the stitches had come out. She felt like she hated herself. She felt worthless, she felt as worthless as Sam had treated her.
"Why can't you look at me?" His voice was begging. He had tears running down his cheeks and he just knew Michelle had been pushed over the line. After everything, she was finally snapping. Her expression said it all, like every single thing she had been through was hitting her all at once like a ton of bricks. It broke his heart.
"Because...because everything is true. I don't deserve you. I hate my..."
Tony couldn't let her finish, he couldn't stand to hear her say the words. He put his finger across her lips. "Don't you dare...don't! I love you. I love you more than anything in the world."
"Let me go."
"I can't."
"Tony..."
"Where are you going to go baby? You can't escape how you are feeling..."
Her voice was a mumble, "How could you even want to touch me?"
He ran his hand from her chin to her cheek. "I love you. I'm not letting you go, I will hold you forever if I have to."
Michelle tried to lift her eyes but she had no strength. Everything started going black and she was losing feeling in her legs.
Tony watched as Michelle's eyes drooped down and he felt her whole body go limp. She passed out and her body collapsed into his. He yelled at his Dad that she had passed out as he picked her body up and carried her over to the bed. Tony couldn't stand this, seeing Michelle fall apart, seeing her in so much pain. He knew her inside out and he knew exactly what she was thinking. The pressure she put on herself at the office to be the best, to not make mistakes, not let anyone down was a trait that they both carried and it was a difficult one to have. It was impossible not to let it carry over into life outside of work. Michelle seemed to only know how to shoulder all the responsibility and not giver herself a break. She expected too much of herself and not enough from anybody else. He had to change that. He had to find a way of making her see the big picture, making her understand how precious she was and how courageous she had been instead of her believing she had let them down. He wasn't going to lose Michelle, he couldn't imagine life without her. She was everything to him and he had to find a way of getting her through this.
He didn't want to let her go but his Dad was pushing him out of the way to take her blood pressure and administer an injection. He yelled at Tony to go and grab a wet wash cloth. Tony ran to the bathroom and did what his Dad said. He kept asking his Dad why she wasn't coming to, what they were going to do. Charlie was trying to calm Tony down but the truth was he was very nervous of the whole situation. He climbed on the bed next to her and used the wash cloth on her cheeks and side of her face whilst softly saying her name. Tony had climbed onto the bed on the other side of her and had taken her hand in his. He felt helpless as he watched his Dad. He could see his Dad was scared and that unnerved him. His Dad was the most composed man he knew. His Dad ran the wash cloth down her neck and softly tapped her cheek saying her name over and over.
After what felt like forever but was only a minute or 2, her eyes started to flutter open. He heard his Dad sigh in relief. Charlie put a hand on both of her cheeks, "Look at me Michelle, can you look at me?"
She managed to open her eyes and look up at Charlie. "Do you know where you are Michelle?"
She looked a little confused but nodded yes. "Can you tell me?"
Her eyes shifted to Tony, his heart felt like it stopped as he saw a little glimmer in them. "Tony?"
"I'm here sweetheart, I'm here."
"I am so sorry."
Charlie stepped back and Tony leant over her so his face was just inches from hers. "I can't hear you say sorry anymore my love, you shouldn't be sorry for anything. I need you to hear me, believe what I am saying."
"I don't know what to do anymore Tony..."
"I do baby, I do. If I ask you some questions, will you answer?"
"Jess was..."
"No no baby. Let me ask you a question."
"Are you angry with me?"
She shook her head. "No, I'm angry at me."
"Why are you angry at yourself?"
Michelle looked into Tony's eyes and then at Charlie. "That I could have handled things better. Jess was right, I didn't act quick enough. I'm a trained agent and I let 2 drugged up losers take advantage of me and your sister..."
They were both taken off guard when they heard Charlie begin to sob. They both turned to see him with tears running down his face. Tony was shocked. "Dad?"
Charlie knelt down beside the bed. "I'm sorry. I just can't handle you talking like that Michelle. I feel sick that you feel that way. You saved our Jess. You saved all of our lives and you went through hell. How you can be angry at yourself is beyond me..."
"Jess is so angry, she is in so much pain and so is everyone..."
"And so are you Chelle. This happened. Everyone did their best. Everyone did everything they could possibly do to try and get through this. You can't shoulder how we all feel. We are all meant to try and help each other through this. Jess didn't mean what she said. She is racked with guilt and we need to help her deal with that, the same way we need to help you feel better about all of this."
Tony squeezed her hand. "You couldn't even look at me before baby, I could barely even hold you. I feel like I am losing you. I can't lose you..."
"I couldn't bare to see the look in your eyes if you agreed..." She stopped and took a deep breath, "Don't you get it? I am scared you are going to leave, feel ashamed..."
He had been saying no as she spoke and shaking his head but when he knew she wasn't hearing it he kissed her to stop her from saying it. It took her completely by surprise. When he pulled back he spoke straight away, keeping his mouth just inches from hers. "Do you love me?"
"You know I do, more than anything."
"Tell me Michelle. Tell me you love me."
"I love you Tony."
He reached his hands under her neck and pulled her body up into his a little. "Then marry me. Marry me and spend the rest of your life with me. I love you more than life itself Michelle and I can't live without you. Please say yes, please say you won't give up, you won't leave me and that you will let me spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you make me."
Long chapter, I hope you liked it. Please review if you are reading and want me to continue to post. Thanks!