Bookends By: Bella's Executioner.
Rating: M- this means if you're under 16 you are agreeing to break your own ToS by reading this and I'm not your mother so be responsible for yourself.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of the world of Twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner.
A/N: Bookends is the very first fanfiction I started writing. It's been on this site, moved and come back. It has errors, fuck ups and lots of proofs that I'm human but it also has all of my heart and soul in it. I welcome you into this world of pain and love and hope that you enjoy. I also welcome your thoughts as you read—pm me or review and I'll be happy to discuss the story with you.
This is not the end, this is the beginning. Life never stops but this journey is over.
Thanks again to all who read this, commented on it and gave me endless amounts of support to follow the journey of these characters.
And a very special thank you to TwilightMomofTwo. She truly inspires me and helps me in ways I can't express. I would not have been able to finish this story without her and I am thankful every day that my twisted little fics caught her attention or I would have missed meeting one of the greatest people I've ever known. Love you lots lady!
Also thank you to the IndieFicPimp team and to Teambella23 (or Teamsmella23 on twitter) for your support of this fic this week. I'm really honored and humbled by your words and your support. Thank you!
Okay so….here you go…the end.
Chapter 40: Bookends
-**-Bookends-**-
"Old friends sit on a park bench like bookends." (Old Friends, Paul Simon)
(The Only Exception, Paramore)
When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist
But darling,
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
Well, You, are, the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
Ohh-
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing
-**-Bookends-**-
EPOV (Italy, December 31, 2017)
The clinking of champagne glasses being tapped with forks erupted again and I smiled as I leaned over to kiss my wife.
I always thought that was a stupid tradition. It was still a little annoying as fuck to barely get a fork full of pasta raised to my lips only to hear the crowd do it again.
But I'd have taken any excuse to kiss the woman sitting next to me.
Bella hummed her appreciation of the food as she slurped some sauce from her lips and dropped her hand below the table to rest it on my jumping knee.
I couldn't really say what I was nervous about.
Fuck, Bella and I'd been through everything together—death, pain, and sex. There was nothing that could happen to us now that we were married that hadn't already happened to us before.
But here I was, fucking twitching like a virgin on prom night.
Maybe it was bringing Bella here.
Italy had been where I grew up. Figuratively. I had learned to be my own person here—removed from her.
Maybe I was afraid she'd find something here that would change her mind about me.
I lifted her hand from my leg and kissed her ring.
"I love you…Mrs. Cullen," I whispered.
"Love you, too… my husband," she responded.
I stabbed a mushroom with my fork, popping it in my mouth just as the clinking started up again.
I sighed.
Bella laughed and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.
How'd I ever get so lucky to have her?
I looked around the room. Alice and Jazz were laughing on the other side of Bella. Carlisle and Esme were feeding each other in a corner table. The other guests were all enjoying their meals and company, too.
Everyone looked so…happy.
Maybe that was what I was so jumpy about.
I was happy.
I hadn't known any long period of time when I could just be…content with life. I was waiting for the next shoe to drop.
Waiting for the phone call that would take someone I loved away from me again.
I scowled at my pasta and tried to come to terms with the warring emotions in my head. I wanted to be happy, but I also wanted to be aware of what made me happy. I appreciated the idea of not taking my life for granted but that didn't mean I wanted to always remind myself how easily I could just…stop being happy.
Bella leaned over and held her fork up for me. A piece of ravioli was pressed to my lips. I opened my mouth and let her feed me, rolling my eyes as she giggled lightly.
"Relax, sweetie," she whispered and put her hand back on my leg.
I licked my lips and tried to do what she said.
"May I have everyone's attention, please?"
"Oh, fuck," I whispered as Erebos came to stand in the middle of the reception hall.
Bella's hand squeezed my leg and I sighed.
I braced myself for whatever he was about to say. My old mentor had a flare for the dramatic that I did not want to deal with today.
"I want to thank everyone for coming today. The union of Isabella and Edward has been anticipated for far too long. Please raise your glasses with me," he said holding his champagne up.
"Salute!" everyone shouted together.
Bella and I drank from our glasses and nodded thanks to the crowd.
We'd told Jazz and Alice that there was no need for speeches. We were compromising by giving our family a party instead of an announcement via text message that we'd just driven through the Chapel of Love's drive-thru-ceremony in Vegas.
They didn't need to press their luck with sappy speeches that would only cause Bella and me to worry tonight.
I laughed to myself at that thought.
No one could worry like Bella and me—we'd feel guilty that we were happy while others were suffering. Sad that Rose and Em passed away before they could share this day with us. Afraid that we were still carrying our demons around with us.
Erebos raised his glass a second time towards us and we saluted with him. He waved to the band to start playing.
I shoved the last mushroom around my plate without eating it. My brain never seemed to want to shut off.
"You wanna dance?" Bella asked me quietly after a few minutes.
Neither of us were known for our coordination. In fact, we were both quite well-known for our knack at falling down. But hell, that was the fun of being married, right? We could fall down together.
"Sure," I said, standing and holding my hand out for her.
I don't know if the song was already playing when we stepped on to the dance floor, or if Erebos had told the band to play the specific selection when we danced our first dance together.
And I frankly didn't give a fuck.
I just wrapped my arms around my wife and swayed us around the room as a singer began belting out the words to At Last.
For as fucking cheesy as I found the song, it was true. I'd held my breath all of my life…since I was eight years old...to finally be able to call Isabella Swan mine. To hold her like this.
To be ecstatically in love with her.
Happy.
This is what it feels like to be happy, Edward. Enjoy it.
"You're looking rather happy this evening, Mr. Cullen," Bella teased with a breathtaking smile as I turned us in slow circles.
I smirked. "You're looking fucking beautiful as usual, Mrs. Cullen."
She wasn't wearing the dress anymore. She'd changed before we got on the plane. And admittedly I found my wife to be most gorgeous when she was totally nude, but there was a certain glow about her at that moment.
I almost forgot we weren't alone.
The damn glasses started clinking again. And Bella leaned up to claim my lips—drawing my bottom lip into her mouth briefly before she resumed her place in my arms.
"It was a good day," she said.
I nodded. "Perfect day."
The song ended and I risked dipping Bella back. I must be a lucky bastard because I pulled off the move without causing either of us injury.
The applause made us both blush.
I walked us out to the veranda as the band started the next song. The fresh air felt nice. I'd forgotten how much I loved early evening in this place.
"I can't believe you lived here," Bella said, leaning against the balcony and watching the sunset over the grounds.
"I…uh…I don't remember a lot of it," I admitted with a laugh. "I spent most of the first year so drunk, I just stayed in my room."
Bella cocked her head to the side and watched me—waiting for me to continue.
"It wasn't easy for me to be away from you… I thought I'd broken you…thought I was the reason you were in so much pain all of the time… It was hard to face that."
She nodded, turning back to watch the sunset.
"I used to feel like I was standing inside my body screaming but…my brain forgot to open my mouth and let the sound come out," she offered.
"I missed you. But…" She reached her hand out for me to join her. I did, without a question.
"I can't say that I'm sorry for the time we spent apart, Edward. Just that I'm sorry we had to do it…but we did have to do it."
"I know. I agree, baby," I assured her, leaning down to kiss her. No fucking glass percussion prompting necessary.
"Ah, this makes me smile."
I groaned as Erebos came to stand next to us.
"I haven't had the pleasure of formally being introduced to you, dear child," he said to Bella.
"It's an honor to meet you, sir," Bella told him politely.
I snorted.
"Don't be a cad, Edward," he scolded.
"Edward's a gentleman…when he wants to be," my girl defended.
Erebos laughed. "Oh…I like you."
"Go get your own girl…this one is taken," I warned him playfully. I wrapped my arms around my wife to protect her from the deviant billionaire.
He laughed. "I am quite happy at the moment, thank you."
He waved to a beautiful woman standing near the band. She was talking to Carlisle and Esme animatedly.
"That is Gina…my English Rose," he said.
Bella smiled. "She seems lovely."
"Thank you, my dear, she's very…talented…keeps me tied up for hours in the tower."
Bella laughed innocently at his words.
I tried to remember if I'd ever told her what the women in Erebos' life were. I cleared my throat.
"Getting back to me being a gentleman," I broke in.
Bella smiled and squeezed her arms around me. "Yes," she continued. "You're very good to me, even when people aren't expecting it…like with my book."
I quirked an eyebrow at her.
"Your book? You mean telling you to write the second one?"
She shook her head, a coy smile on her lips.
"No…I mean you sending me the money to publish the first one."
I laughed, throwing her a baffled look.
"I never sent you money."
She scowled. "What do you mean you didn't? I know it wasn't Charlie. It was registered mail…from back east…"
I shook my head, glancing at Erebos only out of reflex.
That's when I saw his smirk.
That bastard had meddled.
"You did it," I said, looking him square in the face.
Bella gasped, turning to my would-be therapist.
"Guilty. However, I consider it something Edward would have done had I not forced the idea of him helping you from his mind."
"You did what?" Bella asked, glaring slightly at him.
I smiled.
Oh, my girl was never one to back down from a fight.
"I provided you with support while keeping him from being a pussy-whipped bitch," Erebos said, kissing Bella's hand and turning back to the party before either of us could respond.
We both laughed together and watched the last of the sun disappear over the horizon.
"Liking Italy, baby?" I asked her.
"Yes…though…I can see why you used to drink so much."
I threw my head back and laughed.
-**-Bookends-**-
BPOV (January 1st, 2018)
"Happy New Year," Edward whispered to me between kisses. I cast my eyes to the clock on the night stand.
Midnight.
"The happiest," I assured him.
We were in the bed that was his for a handful of years.
In true Edward fashion, we had just broken it in.
Now we were just resting—basking in the afterglow of the day.
Edward's hands were lightly brushing over my breasts. It was relaxing and sensual but not something that would spur me on to devour him again. It was just… nice.
I was lost in the peace of his eyes.
Finally.
We could both be here together—happy. Occasionally he would lean down and plant a gentle kiss on my flesh.
My breast.
My neck.
My lips.
And then he could go back to watching his hands smooth gently across my chest.
"I've always loved your breasts," he admitted softly—his eyes a little glazed over as they stared at my moving flesh.
I giggled. I ran my hands up his neck and tangled my fingers in his hair.
"I've always loved your hair."
He spied his wicked eyes up to me under his dark lashes, then lowered his head, his crooked smile peeking out just as he closed his teeth around my nipple. My hands fisted in his hair as I felt his hot tongue trace around and sharply across the tip.
I gasped at the sensation.
"I really like your tongue, too."
I moaned. I didn't think that was what he was asking but I couldn't resist telling him.
"Well…" He raised his lips off of my chest and I frowned, whimpering softly. He smiled—big and goofy.
"I've always…"
His hand ran down the front of my body as he spoke. Delicately. Languidly.
"Loved…"
My eyes rolled back in my head when his finger traced my entrance between my thighs.
"This." His voice was dark and deep with lust.
I moaned as he pressed his finger inside me.
"I love that, too," I breathed.
He chuckled.
"Bella."
His voice was no more than a warm breath against my face. His lips were on my cheeks then—the feeling forcing my eyes open. He brought his hand back up to my breasts and returned to his previous musings. This time he ran the backs of his hands over my peaks—just as gentle as before.
My heart was swelling to burst as I watched him.
I loved him more than words or action could ever tell him. I was taken back to ten years ago—lying on my bed on an afternoon like the one we had today, my body floating from a release caused by Edward's fingers. I was there.
In this moment I was the woman in that fantasy haze I could see back then. I was happy. I was strong. And I was with Edward. We had a future and we were married.
And I could see beyond those dreams now. See more possibilities than even my fifteen year old mind could. I could see dreams as realities.
I wanted… wanted…
"Edward?"
He smiled that lazy, beautiful, satisfied smile.
"I want us to have a family…kids."
The air was sucked from the room for a moment.
I meant it.
My heart was pounding in my ears.
I'd been feeling this way since that night that I saw Alice and Jazz become Marcus' parents. Knew that someday Edward and I would start a family in our house together.
It felt briefly like I was rushing into this. Like I was just throwing the idea out there since we had just been married.
But I wanted him to know. I wanted us to start planning for a family.
A bigger smile tugged on the corners of his lips but he said nothing. He just stared deep into my eyes for a heartbeat and then lowered his lips to my chest once more. He kissed the spot above my heart.
Then he kissed down my chest to my stomach—he placed softly kisses along my scar.
A thought occurred to me.
"Edward… I want to have your baby…give birth to one," I clarified.
He froze. His head was still bent down, his face pressed against my stomach.
I couldn't see his reaction in his eyes or read his face to know what he was thinking.
For a second, I was scared.
The old self-doubt was instant. I knew that the bliss was too much to hope for. I prepared myself for his anger. Edward was understanding in hindsight, but he'd have a thing or two to say about me putting myself at risk like that again. The doctors had promised that I could carry another child, but there were no certainties with how the pregnancy would go.
And with the way I had reacted to losing our first baby… I could understand reluctance from him to want to have me go through that again.
"Edward?" My voice was shaky as I tried to interpret what his stillness meant.
"Bella…" he whispered.
I felt it then… the silent tears soaking my skin.
"Oh, Edward."
My hands were still in his hair and they began to caress his scalp. His hands locked behind my back.
He raised his head and made my heart melt for him all over again.
The pure love and adoration shone in every line of his face. He wanted this, too. He wanted to have a baby with me. His eyes were filled with tears—and the deepest reverence as he watched me.
"I love you." There was hardly a sound to his words but it was like he was screaming it from the rooftop. I knew it was true.
My hand drifted to his cheek and wiped away a stray tear. "And I love you," I promised.
He leaned up and kissed me then.
I'm not sure that what we'd done with our lips up to that moment in our lives could be considered kissing—not after this meeting of our lips. It was tender, sweet and loving, but it soon melted into passion and desire. My soul was pulled from my body through his lips and entrusted to his body in return. I received all that he was, and wanted to be, into my previously empty vessel with more love than was possible.
And we immediately got to work on making a baby.
"Fuck, Bella," he moaned as he slowly slid into me. I just closed my eyes and smiled.
Fuck yah, indeed.
-**-Bookends-**-
BPOV (Forks, March, 2018)
I sat back on the counter with one foot dangling off and waited for the results.
It felt so odd to be doing this again.
And to be doing it alone.
In my mind I could see Rose sitting on the toilet facing me and offering me a reassuring smile. Her eyes bright with hope and her arms ready to hold me for support.
I looked at my watch.
It was unfortunate that Edward liked to sleep in so much. I knew I could wake him and he'd sit in here with me—probably even more nervous and excited than I was, but I could never disturb him when he was sleeping so soundly.
When Edward slept, he was at peace. And after a life full of so much uncertainty as he'd had, I could never disturb that tranquility.
Frankly, I loved sleeping with him, too. To snuggle into his warmth and let the world fade away. I just had this feeling yesterday and when I woke up, I just had to test it and see if I was right.
Maybe I wanted to do this alone, too. Prove to myself that I really did want to go through this. Take that last leap of faith that my and Edward's love could survive anything.
The hands on my watch ticked and it was time to look.
I held my breath. I wasn't sure what I was hoping for. I'd stopped getting the Depo shot right before our honeymoon. Edward and I had not let up on the act that led to creating a baby.
Realistically, I was primed for trying to get pregnant.
But there was still a little flutter to my heartbeat as I looked at the test in my hand. I wanted to have Edward's baby, but being pregnant was still a big fear of mine.
"What does it say?" a sleepy voice asked.
I jumped slightly as I hadn't heard him enter the bathroom. Edward hopped on to the counter next to me and slid his arm around my waist.
"Well?" he pried.
I smiled, tears filling my eyes.
"I hope you meant it when you said you'd buy a minivan," I teased, dancing between nervous as excited.
For all the joy that was filling my heart at knowing that I was pretty positively carrying his child, I was staggered by the pure elation in Edward's face at the news.
"Really?" he whispered.
I nodded. "Really," I repeated.
"Holy shit!" he yelled, leaping from the counter and scooping me up into his arms. He twirled me around the room for a second—our shared laughter filling the room.
"Oh, fuck!" he cursed, stopping and planting me on the ground suddenly.
"Are you okay?" he asked, genuinely worried. His eyebrows pulled together and his face was too adorable as he watched me as if he thought a little spinning would hurt me.
I laughed. "You're not going to be one of those husbands, Edward Cullen."
He frowned at me. "One of what husbands?"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm barely pregnant. Other than not having my period, having weird cravings and…" I bit my lip to try to distinguish if the new boost in my sex drive was baby-related or just Edward-related. "Other stuff…you can't even tell I'm with child. We have to have the doctor confirm it anyway. And even when I am extremely pregnant, you still don't need to treat me like that means I'm made of glass," I huffed.
"I'm tough, sweetheart. I won't break that easily," I promised. I knew last time had been a bad start, but it just wasn't meant for us then to have our first child. I wasn't going to lose this one. I was going to stay strong and healthy.
I had no idea where the positive thoughts were coming from but I was glad to find them in my mind.
His features were etched in lines of serious intensity as he put his arms around me.
"You're the most important thing in my world, Bella. To me…even if you weren't pregnant," he put his hand against my cheek. "I'd treat you like that."
I sighed dramatically. "Edward, there are plenty of times you don't treat me like I'm breakable."
He scowled. "When?"
"Oh, I don't know…how bout after we put in the new shower? When we broke it in…you didn't seem to think slamming me against the tile wall was going to do permanent damage to my body."
Edward's eyes darkened at the memory. Electric anticipation shot through my body. My pulse raced.
Whatever the reason, I was enjoying the new energy I was having in the sex department.
"Hmm," he hummed, glancing between the shower and me. "I don't suppose we'll be doing that for a while now."
I scoffed.
"Are you not hearing what I'm saying?" I yelled. "Don't you dare tell me I have to suddenly become celibate! I have needs, Edward. This… is a big one!" My cheeks puffed and I fought the urge to stomp my foot.
He smirked.
"Are you seriously yelling at me because you want to have sex?"
I glared at him. "No…well, yes...I would love to have sex but I'm yelling at you because I'm not some porcelain doll who needs to be put on a shelf for the next nine months…And yes… my hormones are all over the place now…" Uncontrollable tears started to well and fall as I babbled on.
"I want to throw you down on the floor and have my way with you nearly every second you're around me… other than late at night when I want to throw up…but that's out of my control…"
"Fuck, Bella, here I thought the insatiable stuff was because we bought that how-to book with all the new positions and shit…You sure…I mean… you want to…"
I shook my head. For as smart as Edward was, he still refused to learn that much about the female body.
"Edward, that's kind of part of what happens… not to all women but definitely to me….hell, I ended up kissing Mike Newton at the prom last time I was experiencing pregnancy hormonal overload."
Edward glared.
Oops…and crap. How could I let that name slip on today of all days?
"Didn't I ever tell you that?" I asked meekly.
Double crap.
"No," he growled.
"Oh…well, now you know." I tried to offer a weak smile.
He let out a long, slow breath through his nose and scanned his eyes down my body, thinking.
"Okay," he finally said quietly as if he was agreeing to some proposition.
He lifted me in his arms, like he had the day we stepped back into this house as husband and wife, and carried me back to our room.
"For all the places I like breaking in with you," he explained, laying me on our bed. "This is still my favorite."
He leaned forward, capturing my lips with his and pulling a moan from deep inside me.
My body broke out in tingles and I smiled. My hands were in his hair, caressing and lightly tugging. He grunted his approval.
"You know…I bet even now, no one would believe me if I told them how much of a romantic sap you can be sometimes," I joked.
He grinned and I noticed the tips of his ears turned pink with a blush. That made me laugh.
I expected him to give me some sarcastic retort. Instead he just stared at me-seeing straight to my soul and the place where I was overly sappy for him.
"Only with you, Bella."
I sighed and rested back against my pillow as his lips descended down my body, taking his sweet time at drawing out the anticipation.
"You're also a vicious tease," I grumbled when he bypassed my chest to continue kissing down my body.
He chuckled against my stomach. "Sorry, baby," he whispered as he peeled back the waist of the boxers I was wearing and pressed his lips to my scar.
He stilled his teasing for a moment and brought his finger out to run it along the pink line in my skin.
"Think we should tell everyone the news?" he wondered out loud.
I bit my lip. Telling people would be a big step for me. I was barely getting used to the idea that the test in the bathroom was right. I didn't think I was ready for the reality to set in just yet.
"Why don't we wait till after my doctor's appointment next week," I finally offered.
He nodded, still focused on my stomach.
"Hmm," he hummed.
"What?"
He scowled, still refusing to look up at me.
"Edward…" I prompted.
He shrugged. "It's gonna be sappy again," he grumbled.
I tried to stop the giggle that bubbled up. He could be so damn cute without even trying.
"I like it when you're sentimental, sweetheart," I promised him.
He finally looked me in the eyes, smiling lightly. "I…I kind of want to…if you don't mind…" he cleared his throat. "I wanna go to Victoria…visit…"
"Our daughter?" I finished.
He nodded, solemnly.
I traced the lines of his face with my finger. He was so damn beautiful.
He might tell me I was the most important thing in his world but he was by far the most special gift in my life.
I smiled. "I'd like that."
The crocked grin that went straight to my hormonal headquarters peeked out across his pretty face and I was lost.
"Enough with the talking," he growled.
He crawled back up my body, planting himself between my legs and nudging my knees further apart with his legs.
The first time I'd had sex with Edward I didn't know what I was doing. I knew what went where and that it would hurt. I had a firm grasp of how my body was supposed to react and what his body was going to do when he reached his climax.
I understood that what we did could lead to creating a child. Had been taught why it was important to be safe.
I knew all about the biology of it.
But I didn't know…couldn't fathom the reality of what I was doing.
Call it corny, sentimental…plain old sappy but when my body joined with his, our souls met.
I moaned as he entered me. His echoed cry reminded me that what I felt, he felt. Everything I experienced with Edward was symbiotic.
My back arched to meet his thrusts with my own—that old familiar haze of need and pleasure washing over me. Sweat. Lust. Need. Completion.
A reaffirmation of life.
Both the one we shared and the one that we'd created, that now grew inside of me.
I clenched around him as he filled me once more. Our lips joined together and our bodies were shuddering as one.
"You're one fucking amazing woman," he panted.
I smiled, loving the feel of his weight lightly pressing against me. I wrapped my legs around him, keeping him buried within.
"And you're going to be a daddy."
-**-Bookends-**-
EPOV (Seattle, April, 2018)
"That's the exit… isn't it?" Jazz asked I sped past the turn off on the freeway.
"Yeah, fuck, that was it."
I got off on the next exit and we tried to follow the streets back.
It felt like I was in a whole other world here.
The streets were familiar, sort of. But mostly I didn't recognize anything from our childhood.
Either the city had done some major remodeling or I had finally just let my memories go.
"There's the park," Jazz said suddenly.
I recognized that. We'd spent almost everyday at that damn place as kids.
I parked a block up the street from where we grew up.
I'd been notified a few weeks earlier that the building was completed on the site. I told Jazz it was supposed to be converted to apartments for college kids. I didn't really plan on us coming out to see what I'd really okayed for construction.
It felt pretentious to even say I had anything to do with it.
I was just the money.
I made some phone calls. Asked for some favors.
I wasn't going to be running the damn place.
But they asked me to come out and see it. After Bella told me she was pregnant… I wanted to prove to myself that I'd done some good in this world so I could look my kid in the eye and be proud to call myself their father.
"Masen House for Families," Jazz read from the bronze sign that was attached to the iron-gate out front.
He looked to me.
I was just staring at the building. They didn't tear down the house—they just expanded on it.
Like every other time I had returned to this place I found myself gripped in fear. I took a deep breath.
This was going to be a positive place from now on.
"It's a shelter for women and children…victims of…abuse," I said quietly.
"Are you shitting me?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
I glared at him.
"What?"
He shook his head and looked back at the house.
"That's just a little Pollyanna for you, Edward. Never… shit, even I never thought to do something like this." He shrugged.
I frowned. "You help people, Jazz. This is the only way I can… Bella had Charlie's house turned into a shelter…I'm just stealing her idea, is all."
I kicked at the cement, glancing down and trying to keep myself from crying.
I didn't even know places like this could exist until I was an adult. I only knew foster homes and orphanages. Places where kids were shoved to be watched not helped.
I didn't believe that Tanya would have sought help at a place like this…but maybe she would've. Maybe if there were more places like this out there, she would have packed up and left Ed before he destroyed her, too…before he created the woman who would find all the other ways to hurt us that our father hadn't thought of.
I took a deep breath. That was in the past. Like I did whenever I thought of my lost mother, I hoped she was happy now. Maybe she just needed to not be in our lives. I hoped that whatever demons haunted her were at rest now too.
I couldn't change what happened to me, but maybe this place could help other kids find somewhere safe to live…not everyone had a Carlisle in their life.
"Yeah…fucking amazing, big brother," Jazz told me. He slapped his hand on my shoulder and walked through the gate.
I swallowed and took another deep breath.
I raised my hand to run my fingers along the word Masen on the sign. For all that they were evil…my parents had created me.
I didn't force that name onto my union with Bella. We were Cullens now…and always would be, but I would never forget where I came from. And I would make damn sure that what was good about the Masen family would always live on.
"You coming?" Jazz said from the steps.
I nodded and joined him.
"Welcome to Masen House," a kind-looking woman said from the front desk.
We smiled and said hello to her. I didn't bother explaining who we were. We weren't anybody important, really.
Just the money.
I asked if we could look around and she gave us visitor badges. There were already some families staying here, and we were welcome to walk around but asked to give the families respect.
I liked that.
Respect.
You didn't get that a lot when you were in an abusive environment.
I knew that better than anyone.
We walked into what used to be our family room. My old piano was still there, against the fall wall next to the window.
There was a little girl sitting on the bench in front of it, pressing the keys randomly and quietly for a few moments.
"The old house doesn't look that much different, does it?" Jazz asked inspecting the paint on the walls.
I shook my head, my eyes still watching the young girl by the piano.
It was probably a stupid thing to do, but fuck, that was pretty much the other kind of things I did. I walked over to join her on the bench.
"May I sit here?" I asked her gently.
She flinched a little when she looked up at me. I immediately took a step back and held my hands up in a show of trust.
She'd been beaten.
There were kids who reacted like that because they were cautious of strangers, because their parents taught them to be. And then there were kids who flinched when a man was near them because they were used to getting hit by one.
I sat on the far end of the bench and offered her a friendly smile.
"I won't hurt you, I promise," I assured her in the most calming voice I could muster. "My name is Edward…I used to live here," I explained.
She watched me with wide eyes. I noticed that she had a scar on her upper lip.
Anger flared in me instantly.
What the fuck gives anyone the right to hurt a kid? To think they need to hurt a kid?
"Misty," she whispered, turning back to the keys. She sounded like he had a slight lisp from the damage in her lip.
"Do you play?" I asked, holding my ground at the end of the bench and making sure to not move unless she was watching me first.
I knew she'd only feel threatened if she didn't see what I was doing before I did it.
She shook her head. "No."
I nodded, making eye contact with her and turning to the keys when I knew she was okay with me moving.
"Well, I taught myself on this very piano. You want me to play something for you?"
Her eyes perked up, she nodded her head and watched my fingers as I started to play.
I was never one for recognizable tunes. Sure I could play Mary had a Little Lamb but I didn't like to. So I opted to play her the song I composed for Bella. I pictured my girl in my head as the notes poured from my fingertips.
When I finished, I looked to Misty and she clapped.
She flashed a huge smile—with her lips pulled up in a smile, you couldn't even see the scar.
"Misty, what are you doing in here?" a woman's voice asked in annoyance.
"I'm so sorry if she's bothering you, sir," the woman apologized when I turned to defend that no one was bothered by the kid's presence.
I tried not to flinch outwardly. I'm not sure how well I hid it…I just kept reminding myself to respect the people we met here.
The woman wore a bandage across her nose that barely concealed the evidence of it being broken. She had bruises on her neck that looked like the shadows of fingers and she sported a scar on her lip that matched Misty's.
I wanted to show her the respect of looking her in the eye. She was a person and not just a bunch of abusive markers, but…it was like stepping back in time to see a mother look like that.
Tanya used to look like that.
I balled my fists and took a deep breath.
"She's not bothering me, ma'am," I said, offering a smile to the woman.
She look down at the girl, and back to me. "I probably shouldn't have brought her here," the lady explained.
I shifted uncomfortably as the woman discussed Misty like she wasn't there. The girl looked to be six or seven, but that didn't mean she didn't know what the fuck was going on.
"You did the right thing, ma'am," I assured her standing up. "You're together and you're safe," I reminded her.
I smiled to her and waved to Misty as I turned to join my brother.
"You will never cease to surprise me, Edward," Jazz informed me with one of those sappy-ass smiles of pride he liked to throw at me.
"Shut up," I grumbled.
"Mr. Cullen?" a kind voice said from what used to be a dining room. It looked like they had converted it to library. Kids were sitting at small tables reading, and one woman was in the corner on a computer.
The owner of the voice was standing by the door, an elderly lady who appeared to be in her late sixties, her gray hair in short curls around her face, a kind yet sad smile playing around her mouth. She reached out to shake our hands as we entered.
"I don't know if you remember me," she started. I shot Jazz a questioning glance and he just shrugged.
"I'm Mrs. Butler. I…I was the nurse on duty the night your father passed. I sat with you boys in the waiting room."
Ed Masen had died of a heart attack, a rather humane way for him to go in my opinion. I didn't remember much about that night.
I just remembered…
"You brought us ice cream," I said, still a little lost in the fuzzy memory.
She smiled. "Yep, that was me."
"Are you still working at the hospital?" Jazz inquired.
"No, I retired a few years ago… I just volunteer at different shelters and clinics around the city now. I spend a few days a week here. You wouldn't believe…" she trailed off as she realized we probably would know just exactly how the families that showed up here look.
"It's a mighty fine and generous gift you've given this community with this shelter, Edward. Thank you." She reached her hand out to shake mine again.
I shook her hand but turned to leave immediately.
Jazz stayed inside of a little while longer. I just walked to the corner. From that spot I could see the park—see the tree that Ed smashed into.
My hands were nervous without a cigarette to smoke. I didn't really mind.
I quit smoking the day Bella agreed to marry me. It was a useless habit anyway.
Why kill myself faster?
I never missed the smoke so much as I missed the ritual of smoking. It helped calm my nerves.
"You ready to go, big brother?" Jazz asked eventually.
I looked around. The park, the house, hell even the sidewalk were all echoes of a life I barely recognized anymore.
I thought of the girl and woman that I'd just met in the house—felt the anger in my stomach over the evidence that they had suffered the same shit I knew all too well.
I couldn't help everyone. I could only hope to give them the opportunity to help themselves.
Suddenly in my mind I could see a chessboard—my hand moving to secure a victory.
The son-of-a-bitch had done it.
"Fuck," I muttered as we got back into the car.
"What?" Jazz asked.
"I'm turning into Erebos," I grumbled.
-**-Bookends-**-
BPOV (June 2018)
I sat on the couch with my laptop open. The blinking cursor was like a visual reminder of my frustrated brain. It appeared like a spark of creativity and then suddenly disappeared like the dawn of a dreaded block, only to reappear like a little taunting bitch.
Beside me, Edward was lightly snoring. I chanced a peek at him and smiled. He was so freaking adorable when he slept. My mind finally cleared as I watched him- inspiration.
His eyes. They were closed right now, but I would talk about his eyes. My fingers rose just above the keys.
Suddenly, a nose was pressing into my stomach and I squeaked as Edward's head flopped in my lap. He never once opened his eyes. In fact, as I looked down at him and tried to glare, he never once broke his snore. He just burrowed over to me like my lap was his own personal pillow.
In his sleep, he mewed and his face puckered like he just knew I was thinking mean things about him. I sighed. I tried leaning forward slightly to put my treasured computer on the coffee table.
Being five months pregnant, I gave up and just closed the device, letting it slide down to the floor.
He whimpered again in unconsciousness and I smiled. I sat back, running my fingers through his unruly sexy-ass hair. His body released whatever remaining snippets of tension it held, and he sighed.
That made my heart burst. To know that he, even in a completely unaware state, needed and wanted me that badly.
He was exhausted presently due to the construction work that the three Cullen men had taken on. I couldn't complain really, my backyard looked awesome now. There was a patio that led to a covered deck out on the water of our lake. We had a gazebo and a surrounding flower garden that was just beginning to bloom.
He smacked his lips and muttered the classic Edward fuck under his breath.
"What are you doing?" he asked. It was a half sigh, half groan and there was little sound to it.
I tried to lean down to give his lips a tiny peck, but my belly prevented me from doing anything but huffing and flopping back like I'd been doing sit ups.
Before I could respond in any way, he was back out, like a light.
"Poor baby," I laughed quietly. He really was wearing himself out with all the work he was doing.
I ran my index finger over his temple and followed the succulent line down his cheek and to his lips. He leaned forward ever so slightly to follow the warmth of my finger as I pulled it away.
"I love you," I whispered. I laced my fingers with his over his chest and gave his hand a squeeze.
"Mine," he spoke clearly and quietly.
I smiled.
"Forever," I promised.
-**-Bookends-**-
APOV (September 2018)
"Carlisle, do you have the… fucking hell!"
"Just breathe, Edward," Bella said from the passenger seat.
I snickered in the back. Jazz hit my knee and tried to not smirk as he frowned. I shrugged my shoulders.
"Are you sure you can drive, Edward?" I asked in all honesty.
Edward adjusted his Bluetooth and scowled in the rearview mirror at me.
"Dad, get them prepped, we're on our way…. Fuck! Did anyone get the fucking bag?" Edward was whiter than a ghost and covered in sweat from head to toe.
Bella grabbed his face in her hand. "Edward, look at me… in to my eyes… good, now breathe… in…"
The whole car took a deep breath.
"Out…"
Again, we all took another deep breath.
"I'm sorry," I teased, leaning up between the two front seats. "Which one of you is in labor again?"
Edward growled as he turned to bite my head off.
"Come on, Jazz—let's switch."
It didn't take much protest. Once I pointed out that Edward didn't want Bella, and the rest of us, to be hurt in a car crash because he was in no condition to drive, he all but leaped from the driver's seat.
Jazz settled in and adjusted the mirrors. He also stole the Bluetooth from our brother and was talking to Dad. Edward eased Bella and her enormous belly into the back seat and slid in beside her.
It was possibly the sweetest thing I had ever seen. Both of them were desperate to calm and comfort the other one. Bella was having a better time at keeping herself under control while she stilled Edward's hysteria. Though I couldn't blame him—this was all completely out of his control now. It was nature's turn to take over. That was some scary shit to deal with.
Another contraction hit her as we turned on to Main Street. Her breath hissed between tightly clenched teeth and her hands were white knuckled as they locked around his.
"That's it, baby…" Edward was saying… funny, he was completely cool when it came to helping her through the pain.
So Edward.
"Breathe… good… good girl." Damn, Edward's voice made me almost want to cry. Even with as much love and devotion as I knew Jazz had for me, I had never witnessed anything that sounded as loving as his voice when he spoke to Bella. It was some kind of powerful magic that those two had on each other.
"We're here," Jazz said—to Dad or to his passengers, I wasn't sure.
Dad and Mom and some nurses were waiting by the door to help Bella inside. He rolled a wheelchair over and Edward lowered her down with extreme care.
"Why the fuck is this happening so soon?" Edward couldn't hide the intense fear welling inside of him anymore. It was no secret that he had been anxious for all nine months of Bella's pregnancy, especially once they found out that she was carrying twins.
He became so obsessed with taking care of her that he never left her alone, and he'd even taken up reading medical journals in his free time. He would not breathe easy until mother and children were safely through the delivery.
"I thought you said it would be a fucking cesarean… it's fucking scheduled for next week. Why the fuck is she going into labor so soon?"
Edward was practically shaking with worry as he spoke to Dad. Luckily, the nurses had already started wheeling Bella inside. We weren't too far behind her—Edward had a very short steel leash tied around his body extending to Bella's, but hopefully she wouldn't have to hear her husband's tantrum.
"Calm yourself, Edward," Dad said in his gentle voice. How he kept everything so sure and so calm all the time was beyond me.
Mom was standing over Bella and patting her stomach as I came up to her other side.
"You ready for this, Sis?" I asked with my eyes twinkling. I was bouncing with joy at the thought of two new little perfect lives coming into ours. My son – I still couldn't believe I was a mother – was staying with some friends for the weekend.
I couldn't wait to see Edward and Bella as parents. It was something you just couldn't describe to people.
Changed your world completely.
"Yes," Bella breathed. She was so happy—and so motherly, it was almost disgusting.
"I just wish…" Bella's eyes fell slightly and I knew what she meant.
I could feel them with us, though. Rose and Em. They were totally standing right beside us as our little baby Bella got ready to start the next generation of Cullen kids.
My eyes filled with tears.
"I know. They are," I assured her. A tear slipped down her cheek and mom smoothed it away.
"No tears of sadness today, sweetheart," she said, though her eyes were filled with tears of her own.
"Your brother would be so proud of you," she told her.
I sniffed a little when she said it. I could just see Em throwing his arms around his baby sister and loving those twins with more heart than all of us combined. And Rose… well, Rose would have been in the delivery room, waiting to welcome them.
Jazz came up behind me and wound his arms around my waist. His chin rested on my shoulder as we watched Mom and Dad shuffle Bella and her nearly catatonic husband into the elevator.
"Hold the goddamn door!" I heard Edward yell. His head popped out and his face was angry as he whipped it around to find us.
"Get the fuck over here!" he yelled, glaring at us. Jazz and I jumped to comply. The entire lobby of the hospital was scowling at us.
"I want my whole fucking family there," Edward said quietly as we joined them in the tiny space.
Bella just beamed up at her crazy husband. He shoved himself down to kneel beside her. He smoothed his hand across her stomach and kissed her cheek. Another tear slid down mine unchecked. Jazz tightened his arms around me.
Once we were on the delivery floor, Jazz, Mom and I were sent to the waiting room. It was close enough that Dad could check in with us. Bella was set to have a cesarean so it was just a matter of the prep and surgery.
"She's going in now. And everything is perfect," Dad said—mostly to his wife, but Jazz and I smiled at the news. He draped his arm across my shoulders and would give me a squeeze every now and then.
It was only about ten minutes later that I noticed the first nurse head down the hall, towards the delivery room. I didn't think anything of it until I saw two more rush down there. Something told me not to worry—everything was alright with Bella.
But still I wondered.
Suddenly, a gurney pushed past the door and my brother was lying on it, unconscious. A nurse walked behind him holding a bandage to his forehead. I jumped to my feet with Jazz right on top of me. Mom was already inching out the door to follow him.
"It's okay," Dad was saying—running down the hall from the delivery room. "Esme—would you mind going in with Bella? The babies have arrived—a girl and a boy."
We all tried to show the proper level of excitement but Edward was still sitting at the end of the hall, dead to the world.
"Edward was fine until the girl was born. Once they both were out, he just… went down."
I tried not to giggle—honestly. But it was too much—big No-Nonsense-Mr.-Fucking-Collected Edward Cullen fainted at the sight of his children being born. I could hear Em's booming laugh in my head even as I tried to look serious.
That didn't last long—Jazz was chuckling behind me almost before Dad was finished describing how he bumped his head on the gurney when he tried to pull himself up. It wasn't funny really—he could have been hurt. But since he wasn't... it was a tad funny.
Mom frowned as she looked over at us on her way to the delivery room. Bella would be going into post and we could go down to the nursery and see our niece and nephew. Suddenly, the world seemed instantly brighter and full of possibilities.
I looked down the hall again at Edward. Other than the drool and a big red bump on his forehead he just looked like he was sleeping.
"They'll move him in with Bella once she gets her room," Dad said. "He'll have a headache but he'll be fine."
Jazz and I, and even Dad to some extent, tried to hide our snickers as we went down to see the youngest Cullens.
-**-Bookends-**-
EPOV (Same day)
I groaned as the world started to come back to me. I wondered what time it was. Bella was usually good about waking me up first thing. Hell, she had to pee so damn much we were up every hour anyway. It was impossible for women who were nine months pregnant with twins to get out of bed unassisted. That was fine by me.
I loved helping Bella do anything.
I reached my arm out to her side of the bed. I would just hold her hand for now. Her hormonal state for the last couple of months had made her irritable like a grizzly bear when she got too much touching in bed—or not enough touching in bed. I usually waited for her to give me a sign of what she wanted. I smoothed my hand across the sheet—nothing.
My heart leaped into my throat.
"Bella!" I yelled sitting up in bed and throwing my eyes open.
I groaned again but this time because the room was spinning around me.
"Fuck…" I grunted. I could feel my stomach preparing to empty. I closed my mouth and fought back the spasm.
"Edward." The most beautiful sigh came from beside me—my world stilled at the sound.
I turned to find my wife, my Bella, smiling her loving smile at me.
Fuck. Totally fucked.
I smiled back at her—helpless to resist.
Then I realized that she was in a separate bed from me… and she was wearing a hospital gown… and there were tubes stuck out of her hand… the vomit was rising again.
Fucking pussy, Cullen! Man up, motherfucker!
"Edward?" Bella's eyes showed the concern that even I was feeling for a relapse in my vertical deficiency. "Should I buzz the nurse?"
A sweat broke out on my forehead and I remembered… the blood. All the blood. The babies were covered in it. Bella's blood. Bella bleeding. I groaned once more and moved my knees up on the bed and put my head between them.
Okay, there probably wasn't that much blood but I sure as shit felt like it was a horror film in that room.
"Edward?" she tried once more. I was working on it—fucking trying really hard to just focus on her voice… but there was a dull ringing that was blocking out every other sound… until…
There was a light cooing in the space between my bed and Bella's. My head snapped up at the sound. I sat astonished to see two sets of tiny hands moving just above the edge of the bassinets.
I wanted to cry like a bitch at the sight.
My babies. I looked at Bella and she was fucking glowing. Our babies.
Fuck.
"You wanna hold them?" she whispered.
Fuck. Could I?
I'd never held anything so fucking tiny and breakable before, but then one of them started to cry and all at once, I had to fucking hold them.
I steadied myself on the edge of their bassinets and flopped down when I reached the side of Bella's bed. She raised her bed up. I leaned down to kiss her.
"Thank you," I breathed as her lips found mine. I rested my forehead against hers and took a deep breath, pulling in her scent to calm me.
Then both kids started calling for our attention.
"Reality check," Bella laughed. Just like it had all of my life, the sound of her joy made my mind go goofy.
I looked back at the two squirming bundles. Bella rested her cheek on my shoulder. I was at a total fucking loss.
"What do I do?"
Bella kissed my neck and in her most patient voice she told me.
"Pick one up."
I swallowed hard. I was so terrified of crushing the fragile lump.
I used my foot to bring the cart closer. This one was dressed in a blue cap and swaddled in a navy blue blanket. I assumed this was our boy. I supported his head with one hand and scooted my other hand under his still squirming body. Though he was something so huge to me, he was lighter than air once his body was in my grasp.
The moment was awesome.
When Bella told me she wanted to have my child… I began to hope more than I ever had in my entire life. And when the test showed that she was pregnant, I actually shook with the reality of my life. When I saw him and his sister on the monitor six months ago, I was changed. When I heard their heartbeats, I wanted to cry. When I felt them kick me through their mother's womb, I knew there was nothing I wouldn't do to protect them.
But right now…holding him in my hands…knowing that I helped create him and that I was now responsible for his survival and happiness… there weren't any words for that.
I turned to Bella. She was crying soft tears as she watched me.
"I know," she breathed. I nodded and took a deep breath. My daughter refused to be ignored. She began crying louder as if she knew her brother was sharing in something she was missing. I smirked at that. It looked like I was getting a mini Bella to take home, too.
Bella smiled as I eased our son into her waiting arms. He immediately nestled his nose and face against her breasts.
Yep—that's my boy.
My daughter had been wearing a pink cap. She had removed it by herself, and her blanket had become unwound in her struggles for attention. I couldn't resist chuckling as I lifted her up.
Get ready for this one to be spoiled, I told myself. I had a thing for Cullen girls—they all deserved my undivided attention.
Unlike her brother, who seemed content to sleep away his first month of life, her eyes were wide and expressive as I eased her into the crook of my arm. I brought one leg up on the bed and turned toward Bella.
She was playing with our son's tiny fingers and kissing his soft forehead. So that's what I did with my girl. She smelled good, a lot like Bella in some ways.
She was roses though, not heather, but I couldn't miss the raindrops. That was her mother and so it would always be a part of her, too. Her little lips puckered around an 'o' shape as I pulled away. I smiled and leaned in to rub my nose against hers. Her tiny fingers grasped my one finger with an impressive strength. That was Bella, too—the strongest woman I knew.
"Edward?" I can't explain what emotion was pulsing through me when I looked up at her. I knew it was shining in my eyes because I could see it mirrored in hers. This was new. It was overwhelming.
"Fuck, Bella," I whispered. She laughed and playfully covered our son's ears.
"We'll have to work on that around these two with you," she scolded.
I gave her my crooked smile. "You mean we're going to censor our kids and force them to become drones?"
She shrugged. "It's either that or home school them. I mean… I have a feeling they'll get kicked out of kindergarten if their one method of expressing frustration is to yell fuck."
I threw my head back and laughed. "True."
She winked and we both went back to watching our children.
"What do you want to name them?" she whispered.
My mind went blank.
How did a person decide that?
These two precious creatures were symbols… they were kids, but they were also the reminder that their parent's love could survive anything. And they were tough. The doctors had said a second pregnancy, as well as it being a multiple birth, would take a lot out of Bella—but they were perfect from start to finish.
I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at her. "Any ideas?"
There were more tears in her eyes now. I scooted closer—ever mindful of the precious bundle in my arms.
"Bella?" My voice couldn't hide the worry.
"I know you… you wanted to name your son Edward… and you know how I feel about naming kids after other people… but… I just thought…" Her eyes cast down to our children and I tried to make sense of her words.
"What, Bella? Tell me."
"What about Emmett and Rosalie?...For middle names…" she added quickly.
I looked at the face of my daughter. Her dark brown eyes were watching me with the same intensity that I had always watched her mother with. She reminded me of Rose. This kid wouldn't take any crap from anybody. And then there was our son—content to just rest against a sweet breast. I chuckled.
"I do think they can handle the legacy," I agreed. "But what do we call them for first names?" I asked, feeling like a moron.
We'd had practically nine whole months to think of names. But we just didn't talk about it.
Bella would smile when we talked about the future—where they would go to school and what kind of dreams they might have. She loved decorating their room but names… we never talked about names.
I'd finally had a long talk with Alec. After the doctor confirmed that she was pregnant I had to make sure I knew how to…handle talking to my wife. He reassured me that she was excited about being pregnant and us starting a family but reminded me to go slow.
Bella didn't want to name our babies till she met them—saw that they were alive and safe.
I swallowed, watching my daughter squirm in my arms. Life was such a precious, delicate thing.
"I've always liked the name Emily," I offered. I didn't remember where I'd heard it—probably in one of the many temporary homes my brother and I had lived in our childhood – but I had always thought the name sounded pretty.
"Emily Rose," Bella whispered. I could hear the smile in her voice.
"And what about you, little mister?" she asked, looking down to her chest where our son had all but dozed off once more. He had pouty, tiny lips that curve into a small smirk as he slipped into slumber.
Typical Cullen boy.
I smirked. "Think we'll have to lock him up some day?" I joked.
Bella smiled. "I think you need a strong, classic name like your father."
I sighed. "Are you calling me old?"
My lips formed a mock-pout.
Bella giggled.
"No. Classic is not old. It's traditional… stable…classic." She shrugged.
I raised an eyebrow and thought about that—scrolling through all the fuddy-duddy names in my mind.
"I used to do business with a guy named Ephraim."
Bella stuck out her tongue and made a face. I laughed. "I said classic, not ancient."
"Oh…my mistake," I conceded sarcastically. I cuddled Emily…she had a name and it was Emily…in the crook of my arm.
"Well?" I probed my all but silent wife.
Bella was biting her lip. "Garrett?"
"Garrett Emmett? The kid's gonna resent the letter T the second he loses his first tooth."
She agreed with a nod of her head.
"Harold? Martin? William?"
"William," I echoed. I liked that sound of that one.
"William Emmett," Bella repeated. We both looked down to find our son snoring lightly.
"I wish your uncle could've met you," Bella whispered with tears in her voice.
I scooted closer to her, putting my free hand on her leg.
She smiled up at me through her tears. And I rolled my eyes—mostly to keep tears from forming in my own. I truly hoped the hormones leveled out in my house soon. It didn't bode well for me to be sporting this vagina with a son looking up to me now.
"Thank you, Edward." She squeezed my hand with hers, and I leaned in to kiss her.
"No, thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. And for these," I added, nodding at the now sleeping twins.
"You are an amazing creature, Isabella Cullen."
She smiled and kissed my lips reverently. "Back at you, handsome."
We were making out like two lovesick teenagers when I felt Alice's hand ease over my shoulder.
"Has your medication worn off yet, Edward? I really don't think I can stand too many more bars of 'Oh what a beautiful morning'."
Bella snickered and I growled at my little sister.
"I did not sing." My ears turned pink as I remembered collapsing in the delivery room though.
Fuck, I was such a pussy when it came to watching Bella bleed.
"Yes, you did," Bella said, smirking at me.
"Really?" Mortification was only one level of what I felt right now.
"I personally I think you have a wonderful voice, dear," Esme said, sitting down on the other side of Bella's bed.
Fuck me.
"Jazz? Dad?"
"Well… you're no Hugh Jackman, but… the nurses seemed to enjoy the encore," Dad assured me as he put his arm around Esme's shoulders. Jazz sat on my now empty bed—watching me with those dopey eyes that he always had when we were kids.
"Whatever," I mumbled. I went back to watching my daughter. She yawned—big and adorable. Then she turned and nestled her cheek against my chest.
So Bella.
"I hate to bother everyone… but they really weren't supposed to drop off like that… it's, um…" Bella bit her lip and I frowned to try and riddle out what she was saying.
"It's feeding time."
Her cheeks grew pink.
I cleared my throat.
"Out!" I barked at everyone. It was getting too 'there's no place like home' in here anyway.
Esme stopped to put her hand against my cheek before she left. My chest swelled with pride as she left. One did not take for granted the respect of Esme Cullen.
Wow. Fuck. I really did it, didn't I? I was a fucking responsible adult now. A husband. A daddy.
Fuck. These two perfect kids were mine. And fuck—that perfect, beautiful woman who was dropping the front of her gown down to expose my favorite part of her body was really mine, too. What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
"Okay, Edward. Put her…Emily…" She looked up at me and beamed at the sound of our daughter's name. "Lay her on my left side… good."
She was magnificent. Bella held them both—nursed them both. She was a one woman show.
"I'm feeling rather unnecessary right now," I scowled—chomping at the bit to get to hold one of them again.
Bella giggled. There went my brain again.
"You are infinitely necessary, baby." She leaned up and I took my cue. I kissed her lips like it was my one purpose in life.
"Fuck," I whispered against her lips. When she leaned back, I was surprised to see two pairs of little eyes watching me as they continued to grunt and slurp while drinking their mother's milk.
I would have to start a swear jar.
-**-Bookends-**-
BPOV
It was dark.
At this time of night it was always dark.
The rain fell gently on the covered deck that led to the lake in the back yard.
The moon was full and glowing through patches of open sky between the thick clouds.
The house was quiet.
The kids slept silently in their rooms.
I didn't have any more answers today than I'd had all those years ago when I stared out a matching window like this one, wishing the world made sense.
I wondered if I would ever have answers to the questions that drew me out of my bed at night like this.
I felt his arms wind around my waist from behind. His lips were pressed softly to the back of my hair.
We didn't speak.
We just stared out the window.
Facing the world.
Together.