Bookends Outtake.

Set in the past- Right before Esme married Charlie.

-**-Bookends-**-

Esme POV

I scowled at her hands and she folded them over her slightly protruding belly. It was his. I just knew it was.

I bit the inside of my cheek. I was getting married in less than a week. I should have been ecstatic. But as with everything else in my life, Mary one-upped me.

I loved Charlie.

But I loved Carlisle too… and first…and more importantly I…wanted Carlisle.

My heart sunk at the thought. I had disjointed memories of the blonde god I grew up next door to. Most of them were clouded by this unspoken desire that I had- even as a kid. I was drawn to Carlisle Cullen with some kind of unnatural force.

Mary smiled over her magazine and clicked her gum against the backside of her teeth.

Why couldn't I be happy for her? What had changed in me recently that made it so hard for me to want to be happy for them both?

Right, I settled for Charlie and now she was getting the life I wanted.

Charlie slid into the booth next to me. I forced a smile. It felt weird- faking anything with Charlie. He was my first and only boyfriend. Charlie was just a part of my life—someone who was always there for me.

Mary had looked confused beyond the telling of it when I told her that Charlie proposed. She actually had the nerve to ask for what. I couldn't understand why. Didn't it seem natural that I end up with Charlie? Who did Mary think I belonged with that could compare?

Carlisle?

I smirked around my straw. Charlie had gotten me a strawberry milkshake. I felt well taken care of—even though I preferred chocolate to strawberry. It was the thought that count. He was very good at thinking about me, being conscious of my presence. He was a natural husband from the moment I met him.

Another thing to smirk about. Mary might be carrying his kid, but she wasn't Carlisle's wife. I was going to beat her on that.

Inner Esme did a touchdown dance in the end zone.

"You still moving back to PA in the fall, Chuck?" Mary asked as if I hadn't already filled her in on the details in his absence.

I studied my friend. I suddenly lost my competitive edge, and had no desire to beat her. She was casting her eyes, full of judgment and amusement, at me occasionally as she talked to my fiancé. No. I had desire to make Mary feel the way she always sought to make me feel.

It wasn't a fun feeling.

Mary was inadvertently reminding me that my husband would be living in Port Angeles while I went back to Forks. It was for my job. I wanted to be police chief. Wanted to make my daddy proud. When I was hired on a deputy in Forks, well it was the job of my dreams to be back home in Forks and working at the station. PA had cops too, but they just weren't the cops I wanted to be.

I bit my upper lip. If I wanted to be a good wife, like Charlie deserved, I would need to leave my dreams in Forks. Reality was what we lived. Dreams were what we could never have.

Thanks, Mary.

"When's the party?" Mary snapped me from my sad musing. I blinked at her in ignorance.

"The wedding is in four days," I offered feebly. I really thought this time she would remember the date. It was less than a week away… and on Christmas day.

She sighed, that dramatic sigh that said, god I wish you were my smart friend, and then she glared at me. "No, Ez, when is the bachelorette party… you know, the send off of your innocence." She wiggled her eyebrows.

I flushed and bit my lip again. My eggs were getting cold and I had no intention of eating any more of them, but I didn't want to look up at either of the two in the booth with me. It was no secret that Esme Whitlock was the last living virgin from Forks High. It never felt unnatural to me to wait. I had been Charlie's girlfriend since my freshman year in high school. He never pressured me for anything.

And I never felt the desire for it with Charlie, as a teenager. Abstinence was easy in high school. I never really wanted to have sex… well I wouldn't say never wanted to do it… especially when I watched Carlisle and Mary make out in the meadow.

I blushed up to the tips of my ears as the memory of my first kiss washed over me. That night at Push Carlisle's lips had been parted in fear for my life, his breath was like the air I needed to fill my lungs for survival. Lips so smooth and strong that I wanted them to possess me. And a taste that I could still catch hints of on the back of my tongue when I was lost in dreams at night.

I shook my head. I would grow to want my husband the same way. Carlisle had just been a fantasy for so long that it was hard to think of Charlie in those terms. But…the loss of my innocence, as Mary put it, would change my attitude towards sex. I had no doubt.

"How 'bout we do it Wednesday? That gives us a day between the party and the wedding."

I wanted to roll my eyes at the word party. It would probably just be Mary and me. I didn't really have any other female friends.

Mary's eyes grew wide and they shimmered with excitement.

Crap. What the hell did that mean?

"What?" I asked dropping my fork into my eggs.

"Carlisle gets in that night," she breathed with reverence.

Crap.

-**-Bookends-**-

I had really believed I could handle this. Told myself for the past two days that it would be no big deal to do this. My knees knocked together as I sat and waited in the car, parked in the white zone. Loading and unloading. It felt weird to even suggest I join Mary at the gate when he arrived.

Not wrong. Just… not appropriate.

I was getting married in two days. It was time that school girl crush ended.

I was determined this morning, smiling at the thought of seeing my old friend. Just that. A friend. Mary and I were practically like old times as I drove us to PA to pick him up. I wasn't resentful of the fact that she was going to have the life I wanted, and for once she wasn't rubbing it in that she was in fact living that life.

But now, sitting out here with my brain filled with this over confidence, I was losing my focus. I just kept seeing, and feeling his arms wrapped around me that night in his house. The night his dad died. The night I held him in my arms and let him cry out his pain.

Mary could never do that for him. He deserved someone who understood that he needed that.

I shook my head. I was a bobble-head doll when it came to Mr. Cullen it seemed. I was not the other woman. I was Charlie's. End of story.

There was a tingling sensation on the back of my neck not ten minutes later. I was watching the planes taking off in the distance, but I knew when I turned what I would see. They emerged from the middle set of doors- Mary with a wide, bright grin, and Carlisle with a pale, ashen face.

Inner Esme gloated selfishly at his look. He wasn't happy about the circumstances. And Mary hadn't warned him that she was pregnant. "Typical," I whispered. One of these days he would have to wise up to the fact that she played him so easily. One of these days he should wake and up and realize that I would never abuse him that way. Inner Esme was floating on the high of that possibility.

Then outer Esme put her left hand on the steering wheel and remembered there was a ring on her finger there that said stop thinking those thoughts.

I sighed and got out to pop open the trunk. "Hey," I offered quietly with a shy grin as he reached the back of the car.

For all that I was intimidated by him Carlisle always put me at ease with his presence. His look of mild terror melted away as he looked down at me. I had to turn my attention quickly to the business of storing his bags because the look in his eyes…

I cursed my luck for the millionth time in my life. Why did he have to be so drawn to Mary? Clearly there was something between Carlisle and me.

Yes… you're very good friends. You're like the mother he lost as a kid. My inner voice chided. You're plain, Esme. He likes girls who are interesting and dangerous… like him.

I got back into the driver's seat and tried to ignore the face sucking in the back. I cleared my throat and shook my keys. "Hate to break this up…but where am I going?"

I had begged Mary to let me drive the truck so that she and Carlisle could have privacy while driving to wherever it was we were going. She had claimed she wanted tonight to be a surprise. Hence, we all had to ride together. I shuddered at the possibility of Mary and surprises. The fact that she was bringing Carlisle along to whatever she wanted to do to me tonight….well that was no surprise. Mary never passed up an opportunity to remind me he was hers.

She smacked her lips and never took her eyes off him. I watched them in the rearview mirror- his eyes burned with a need for her too. Inner Esme sighed at that. "1901 E …Marina."

I started the car and headed back towards the oceanfront part of town… Marina… why did that sound familiar?

"OH MY GOD!" I yelled and slammed on the breaks.

"Ez! Easy! Lady with a BABY!" Mary shouted, Carlisle's hand slid from where it was meant to brace him for the sudden stop and his nose was suddenly against my neck. I blushed as our eyes met over my shoulder.

"What's up, E?" he whispered, seemingly ignoring the mother of his child and her one woman melodrama firing up next to him.

"That's the drag club isn't it?"

Mary giggled and I glared. Carlisle cleared his throat. "A drag club in Port Angeles? It's a town not even big enough for two movie theaters."

Mary giggled again. "It's a seasonal tour thing. A bunch of guys from down south in California are up here to warm us in the cold winter months."

I snorted. "They are here to warm us up Mary?"

Carlisle laughed out loud.

Inner Esme squeezed up tight at the sound. He had such a beautiful voice.

"Are you serious, Mare?"

"Well I for one have been dying to see the acts. My mom used to work for a drag act, you know. Very Vitcor/Victoria." She glared out the side window and I drove to the address silently. It was never a good thing when Mary brought up talk of her mother. It usually meant she was hoping to see her… or still considering becoming her. I frankly was surprised that Mary didn't run away in high school.

She was so much like her mother it was scary.

The sun was barely setting as we neared the club. Great. We were at a drag club, in the middle of nowhere, and we were early for business. This was going to be one long freaking night.

I turned the engine off, stunned when my door suddenly opened. Carlisle was smiling down at me with his hand offered to help me out. With his wide grin of white shining teeth and sparkling eyes, I was dazzled, and stupefied.

I shook my head, and got out.

"Here Mare," I handed her the keys. It was her car after all. And she was obviously going to be the designated driver since there was no way she was drinking. She cocked her eyebrow at me all knowing.

"I've never seen you get drunk before Ez." It was a challenge. Carlisle smirked at his… woman's comment and turned his eyes back to me. Midnight blue warmth that made me want to melt away- or at least hide.

"Then keep your eyes open tonight."

-**-Bookends-**-

This is the last one. Yep. Inner Esme giggled as I grabbed two more shots from the tray being passed around. This was fun. Sort of…

I kicked off my shoes and watched the very well built Gloria Estefan look-a-like belt out a tune that made me want to shake my body to the beat. I laughed at the thought. Mary glared back at me.

It was inner Esme who was having the fun. Outer Esme was scowling and throwing back another shot each time Mary ran back to the table and threw herself into Carlisle's arms. She was having fun….Mary. She was dancing and howling.

At one point she joined the Cher impersonator on stage and pretended to be her Sonny Bono. The only plus side to the night was watching the amount of booze Carlisle was going through too.

Somebody wasn't happy either. Inner Esme giggled again, and hiccupped. The room was getting hot- really hot. And the longer I sat there, the more all I wanted to do was strip that blond god next to me down and have my way with him right there- in the middle of the dance floor.

Inner Esme moaned. I rolled my eyes.

Mary came back to the table and slipped something into Carlisle's pocket. Fuck. It was so sexy that he was wearing that same damn leather jacket. He always looked sexy in that thing.

"I'm getting tired," she whined. I kicked back a shot. "You don't mind if we cut the night short do you, Ez?"

I was at a loss for words. We were sitting at a party that I didn't even want, in a place I never would have picked to go and now she was asking if it bothered me that we end the night earlier than I had anticipated.

I was far too drunk to process it.

But I was sober enough to know that Mary could drive us home and we'd be safe. I nodded and started to collect my bag and jacket.

We were staying at a motel not too far from here. And Mary had promised my truck would be waiting in the parking lot of said hotel so I would be able to sneak back to Forks early tomorrow morning.

"No," I froze when I heard him speak. I would have expected Carlisle's words to be slurred. He's put away more shots than me. I cocked my head to the side and watched him. I couldn't ever remember seeing him drunk. I wanted to giggle at the thought of seeing him lose total control.

"I'll stay. You take the car and we'll get a cab…or walk."

She swooped in and claimed his mouth with hers. Her tongue diving down to his stomach. Inner Esme fell out of her chair. Unlike every other time I had witnessed their mouth-mating, I didn't want to look away. I wanted to join in.

I shook my head. Big mistake with the level of alcohol I had consumed.

Whoa. Inner Esme was holding her head down and hoping the earthquake would end quickly.

When I looked back, Mary was gone, without a single word to me. Carlisle looked at me sheepishly. His cheeks were flushed scarlet apparently I wasn't the only one who was overheated here. And his eyes were swimming in inebriation.

Inner Esme popped up and giggled at the thought. A drunken Carlisle all to myself? I snorted at the possibility.

"And she's my maid of honor," I grumbled in disgust as I caught sight of Mary exiting the bar.

Carlisle's head cocked to the side and his eyes darted between me and his woman.

Whoops. Inner Esme stumbled to the bathroom. That thought slipped past my lips.

"You wanna leave?" he asked.

I nodded. I felt bold from the booze and now that we were alone I wanted… to be alone with him.

The air was crisp and fresh though freezing once we were in the parking lot. I had worn the most ridiculous outfit to the club- mainly because Mary had told me to. Now I was standing outside in possible snowy conditions and practically naked.

He shrugged out of his jacket- the jacket- and draped it around my shoulders. I felt like I poofed into a cloud of smoke when the fabric touched my skin. It was like being wrapped in Carlisle. It smelled like him, and that meant that when I took it off later, I would smell like him because it had touched me.

I shivered. I was going weak in the knees at the thought.

He asked me about the immediate future.

Inner Esme seemed to sit up straighter as he did. He was avoiding something. He never made small talk. Carlisle and I were used to just sitting around together. We didn't need to talk to enjoy the other one's company.

He's afraid to be alone with you too, an inner warning whispered across my mind.

Afraid? I wasn't afraid of Carlisle.

I looked over at him. His eyes were slightly glazed and his jaw was relaxed. The intensity that seemed to keep him wound like a top ready to spin was not visible. For some reason I couldn't even explain, I realized that that sight terrified me.

The stars were aligned and here we sat, with the perfect excuse to act on impulse and forget it in the morning.

All of these possibilities were dancing in the back of my mind as I kept up a surface conversation about my future in-laws.

Suddenly he offered for us to leave.

I all but leapt into his arms.

Steady, inner Esme cautioned. Steady.

-**-Bookends-**-

In hind sight I would say we were extremely lucky S.O.B.s for surviving the stupid idea of taking my truck back to Forks. But there was no place in PA that didn't require we be around people. And neither of us wanted to go back to the hotel with Mary.

Lust was licking my body from the inside out.

Mary had told me that tonight was about me losing my innocence. I could think of no better person to lose it to.

He picked up some beer to take back with us to Forks. I rolled my eyes at the thought. We would need to sleep in the truck if we drank anymore.

The night air was surprisingly warmer as we made our way to the meadow. The snow had stopped for a few days, and rain was on the horizon. It was really odd weather, actually. Like something was stalled for this moment. What should be happening wasn't and something that was almost right was but it would end quickly- just a passing faze.

I spread a spare tarp from the truck bed out on the grass. It was only then that I realized there was something standing in the back of the truck.

He smiled wide at me as he brought it over. The bike. My motorcycle.

Carlisle had somehow found the time and resources to build it and paint it and on top of going to med school.

Inner Esme was stripping down to her birthday suit.

He loved. He had to have loved me to put that much time into this.

"Well…I was going to give it to you as a wedding present. But I don't have one for Charlie," his voice was strained around my future husband's name. I ignored it. "So I guess it can be your Christmas present instead."

"Thank you," I couldn't keep the goofy grin from splitting my cheeks. "But you know… I don't know how to ride a motorcycle." I batted my lashes and looked up at him through my lashes. I didn't miss the way his Adam's apple bobbed while he watched me.

"Well… that's half the fun. Learning." He laughed and joined me on the ground. The air around me instantly felt charged with electricity.

I was tingly all over… my skin hyper aware of every whisper of air on the breeze. He rested on his back. I stared up at the dark sky. I could smell rain getting ready to fall.

"Where do you see yourself in twenty years, Carlisle?"

He mumbled something about having kids… living at his home in Forks. I could see it. Mary and that bump on her stomach melted away. Charlie and that ring on my finger dissolved and there we were Carlisle and me smiling and kissing in the sunset.

"Where do you see yourself?" he offered in return.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never. There was no promise past tonight. And tonight was only made possible by the fact that we were both so drunk off our asses that we would never remember what happened here tonight.

I took confidence from that. "With you," I whispered.

Suddenly he was inches from my face. His breath fanning across my cheeks and kissing my lips with its warmth.

"Esme… stop fucking with me. You had your chance."

I was shocked…what chance? When? He had always been with Mary. He always ignored me in school. He practically growled at me whenever I wanted to spend time with him and Mary together when we were teenagers.

I might have been drunk as a skunk but I … wasn't past the point of being able to argue. "I… when? When did I have a chance? You were always hers!" I was in borderline hysterics. I single-handedly admitted that I wanted him and I blamed Mary. This was suppose to just be about wanting sex. Why bog it down with the need to define anything.

Right. Carlisle is an upstanding guy. He's going to be a father.

Inner Esme stopped my train of thought right there—that means he had sex.

I suddenly lost all other focus but the image of him naked and grinding into Mary's naked body. I shook my head. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"From the moment I met you… I've adored you. You never once spoke to me… why?"

I was reeling… WHAT? Did Carlisle Cullen, god of all men, just admit that he … adored me? Why did I have to be drunk right now!

My brain split in two and while the still slightly sober part tried to process what he just revealed, the totally hammered side offered up all of our best kept secrets.

"Because… you're … you." I blushed as I realized what I just said. I could sound any more ridiculous right now?

He laughed. "Oh."

That just pissed me off. Here he was being Mr. high and mighty while I was trying to tell him the truth.

I screamed something about intimidation. He challenged me again. Fine. If that's how he wanted it.

"Not tonight, Cullen," I put my hand on his chest and went for it. I let my lips follow the most natural path they could imagine.

Sent them to the place where they belonged. He landed back on his back and I sprawled across his body. I moaned as my tongue slid into his mouth. This was going to be fast and frantic… but I was melting and burning all over. I was certain I would burst into flames any second anyway.

He pushed me off of him. Put distance between us by standing. There was some nonsense about what would happen tomorrow. My getting married… him having a child with Mary. I didn't care.

All I cared about was returning my lips to his. I watched the way his body moved under the clinging fabric of his shirt and pants. It was raining hard on us now. This stolen moment in the middle of winter. The meadow protected from the threat of snow and an almost springtime feeling in the air.

Own this moment. Inner Esme decided.

I used everything I could think of… let my mind go to some primal place filled with lust and desire for only one thing. This man. I drew his earlobe between my teeth.

He hissed.

The sound made my entire body squeeze tight and then melt.

He kept warning me. Like he was one step away from giving in but offering me that last chance to walk away. I smiled against his neck. He smelled so fucking delicious—made more so by the rain.

I leaned my head to the side and bite his neck as hard as I could.

Mine! Inner Esme proclaimed.

The connection of my teeth to his flesh was like the opening of a cage on a wild animal.

Carlisle threw us both into the bed of the truck. He was nothing but a snarls and aggression. His hands smoothed under my dress and in one motion pulled it over my head and tossed it into the oblivion beyond the truck.

My god the man was beautiful. There was no longer any thoughts swirling around in my brain and separating inner from outer me. I was all Esme's desires. Just action. No worry of consequences.

My hands were shaking as I raised them to his chest. His hands captured them… his eyes, black with hunger, watched me like a hunter.

I shivered.

He lowered his head to my chest. I moaned as my nipples, painfully hard and taut from the cold of the rain and the anticipation of the moment, were claimed by his mouth. Torture. It was pure exquisite abuse.

He ran his hot tongue back and forth and back and forth over first my right and then my left nipple. I moaned and arched my back. I needed him—more of him.

He chuckled and I screamed when I felt the piercing pleasure of his teeth nipping just the tip of my right nipple.

My body was on overdrive. A haze filled my senses and I nearly blacked out from the pure pleasure of the moment.

I shifted my body to the side, indicating to him that I wanted him to roll over. I could not have accomplished the motion without his help.

He obliged—a faint smirk on his beautiful face. Bastard.

He groaned when I straddled his still clothed hips and a growl escaped his throat as I tore open his shirt.

"Fuck," he groaned. It wasn't the first time tonight he'd said that. It was making me hornier by the second each time he repeated it.

I ran my fingers reverently and hungrily along his exposed chest. I wanted to kiss each of his scars to promise him that I would help heal every wound that had been inflicted upon his flesh.

But that was for another time. Tonight… I just wanted to taste him. I ran my nose along the dusting of hair at the top of his pants. I hummed against his stomach, eliciting a deep groan from him.

The boldness of the night won over and as I ran my tongue up the center of his god-like body, across his navel, through his chest hair and up to his neck, I realized that I would simply die if I remembered a moment from this night after we woke up tomorrow.

I couldn't go back to a normal, mortal existence after this. There was nothing more perfect than Carlisle.

I tear escaped my eye as I drew back to look into his.

Through the layers of lusty fog befuddling his brain, I could see he felt the same way. He reached out and cupped my face tenderly in his hands. He drew me slowly down toward him and he gently kissed away the tear.

"No crying my beloved," I closed my eyes at his words. Beloved. I wanted to stop right then and there and hide for all eternity.

He loved me.

And it was too late.

I let my face nuzzle into his neck. My body replete of the previous wave of audacity. I was spent but expecting.

I could feel my body growing slightly numb and heavy—I assumed that was from the alcohol.

"You still sure, baby?" he whispered against my hair. I nodded. Suddenly I was shy and I wrapped my arms around his middle.

I could feel him unzipping his pants. I cursed myself silently for not doing that before I sobered up. I'd never get to see him naked now.

I felt one of his arms secure around me to hold me in place as he shifted out of his clothes. I was bent in an awkward position as he undid his shoes and socks.

I lifted my head and glared at him. "What?" he scoffed. "It's lame to have sex with your socks on."

I rolled my eyes and went back to waiting. I was nervous and apprehensive.

I started thinking about what I would have to say to Charlie.. oh ya… by the way I'm not a virgin even though I've exclusively dated you since I was fourteen.

I didn't care about that though. I could smell Carlisle, feel his body under mine. He wanted me. Loved me. I could feel his need and desire pressing against me as he settled back down on his back.

The tip of his erection teasing the still over sensitive and ready bud between my legs.

I gasped at the shock of sensation from the contact.

"Esme…" he breathed. I looked up into his eyes with a wonder that I hoped shined through.

Was this really happening.

"I love you," we said in unison.

He warned me to brace myself and I dug my fingers into the hard and soft skin of his biceps.

It was painful. It was frantic and somewhere after the pinch of actually losing my virginity and Carlisle filling me completely with his length, he lost what little control he had been holding on to.

I wasn't about to complain.

I must admit, I'm sure it gets better with practice… which is why I was cursing yet again that this was the first and only time I would be doing it with him.

Carlisle snarled into my neck and bite down on my collarbone when he came inside of me.

I didn't really have the heart to point out that I didn't reach that moment of bliss with him. It was magical and I was feeling things more profound and intoxicating than I ever had but… it was fleeting.

He immediately passed out next to me after pulling out of me. I was sore. And felt raw where he had touched and claimed me.

But I lay there for a moment and watched him. I loved the way he looked in sleep. So peaceful. So innocent.

There was that word again.

Innocence.

I scooted out of the bed. The rain had subsided and I was conscious enough to find my dress. I stumbled around to the cab. The night was starting to catch up with me and I suddenly just felt heavy and tired. I prayed that I would survive the night.

Luckily…passed out as soon as I hit the seat.

-**-Bookends-**-

(Night before Esme and Carlisle get married)

I watched him fiddle with that damn bike yet again.

"Will you give it a rest!" I laughed.

He smirked over his shoulder at me. That same damn smirk. True, the hair that framed the face was a tad gray. There were wrinkles and lines starting to creep in along the outline of his eyes and lips.

But that was still very much my Carlisle.

"You remember that night?" I asked looking up at the clear sky.

"Which one my love?" He joined me on the tailgate and kissed my temple sweetly while running his hand along my knee.

I smiled. This was such a perfect, right moment.

"The last time I was getting married… and you brought me out here."

He chuckled. "No."

I watched him with curiosity. He really didn't remember.

"What?"

"You really don't remember us coming out here and… me kissing you and…"

He scowled at the ground. "Yah… I remember that…sort of. Everything about that night is kind of fuzzy/"

"Even the sex?"

"Especially the sex."

I punched his arm and he smirked at me again. "Liar, I knew you would remember."

He winked at me. "Esme… if there is one thing I will never forget…"

There was a clap of thunder off in the distance. I jumped at the sound. There wasn't even a cloud in the sky.

"What?" I said watching him with weary eyes.

"It's that you belong to me."

I melted all over again as I looked into those nearly black depths of his eyes.

"Fuck, Cullen," I moaned.

"Prove it."