Disclaimer: Still don't own it.
What the fuck's with all the sirens? Puck grumbled. His hands fly around in close vicinity for some kind of pillow to throw over his head. After thirty seconds of searching, he comes up empty. What kind of hospital doesn't give people extra pillows? His hand blindly goes looking for some kind of off switch. Coming to, he hears Quinn groan on top of him, his hand making light contact with her forehead.
Blinking several times, he finally takes in his surroundings. A few choice words fly through his lips as he fights the nest that the hospital bed has made of his back. It takes him two seconds to realize that the bed isn't his. It takes him five, to notice that those blaring alarms aren't coming from some kind of offending alarm clock. He's already ruled out the sirens, seeing as common sense would tell him that, unless a car were to spontaneously crash through the wall, no vehicle would make it into a hospital. Clearing the fog that sleep has made of his brain, Puck carefully shifts himself he can easily wriggle from underneath.
"I'm comin'," he mumbles, going rigid for a second as his feet make contact with the cool floor. He hasn't had a chance to look at any kind of clock yet but, to him it feels like he's only been able to sleep, at most, for a good hour. Here we go he groans, dragging himself across the room to where he knows his daughter is waiting.
Though it's dark, he can just make out the outline of his hands, and with that, her tiny frame. As soon as he picks her up, gently bringing her closer to him, Beth stops mid-cry, soon starting up again. She's managed to curl herself into him, tiny hand grazing his chest. Having no light to go by, he stumbles back, only able to go by memory as he looks for the rocking chair that sits against the wall.
Within a couple of minutes, she's calm, going in search of Puck's finger, which she quickly wraps her hand around. Puck can only sigh heavily. As angry as he wants to be, the only thing he can do is smile.
"This couldn't wait till morning?" he mumbles, starting a gentle wave of back and forth. He's only been there for three minutes and he can already feel his eyes going heavy. As much as he fights it, he lets out a strained yawn. "Maybe...maybe next time...you could wait till the sun's up," he suggests. Puck knows it'll be a long time before she understands the concept of sleep and how lack of it, will produce less than happy parents. She's quiet now, just listening to herself talk. Or, whatever it was that babies did. Puck knows he can move now, but lack of sleep gives him no strength to do so. There's also the chance that she could wake up again, starting the process all over again. He'll stay an extra five minutes, just to be safe. He realizes that it's also a chance to build enough energy to drag himself back to bed.
In the silence, the buzz of his cell phone sounds like a chainsaw. Were he not holding Beth, the shock would have sent him flying three feet into the air. He still has no idea what time it is but he knows enough to question, who in their right mind would be up at this time of night? He smirks, telling himself that Beth is the only exception to the insanity. Just pulling it out to see whose head he'd be tearing off in the morning, the light blinds him, sending a round of pretty words that he knows Quinn would kill him for.
Rachel. He growls not too quietly and fights the urge to bang his head against the wall only a few inches away. The only thing stopping him is the fact that he knows it would wake Quinn. Listening to her ramble mindlessly still makes him wanna light himself on fire. The fact that she's the one interrupting sleep (He can't do anything to his daughter, so he reasons that Berry's his next valid target) makes him none too happy. When his eyes have finally adjusted, he squints to make out the text.
we didnt place. glee iz over. He and Rachel aren't the kind to text all the time but he has a hunch that she would text with perfect grammar. It's probably Finn. rachel's locked in the bathroom and wont stop crying. she asked me 2 tell you. Why couldn't he have just told him that using his phone? He glares at his phone again, anger bubbling. This is a different kind of anger. If he still knows Finn well enough, he can take a pretty good guess as to why he's with her. He can't pinpoint exactly what they're doing, (He knows it isn't sex. 'Cause Finn's not that kind of guy) but, as far as Finn knows, Quinn's still his girl. Whether they're together or not, it's way too soon to make Rachel a rebound.
He sighs, remembering that he's still not exactly on good terms with his best friend. The truth coming out still puts a giant wedge between them. He cringes, remembering that none of them know that she's changed her mind. That's only going to make things more awkward than they already are. Not only has he slept with his best friend's girl and gotten her pregnant, he's now going to be sharing in parenting responsibilities. Seeing her all the time for the sake of Beth is already a given. Oh, and there's also the fact that he thinks he might be in love with her too. He's sighs, knowing that the chances of the two of them ever being what they were, is extremely unlikely.
It makes him even sadder to realize that Finn's the closest thing he has to a best friend/brother type thing. No one really wants to befriend the ex con. It's Quinn's fault, really. If she hadn't of been so fucking stubborn, he wouldn't have had to rob a bank to help her pay doctor's bills and shit. He immediately throws out that thought, knowing that he can't really blame her for any of this. Truth be told, it's all on him. If he'd have just kept his shit together. If he'd have just kept it in his pants. If he had been sure he had a condom, he wouldn't be in this situation right now. He smiles, taking in the shadow of her frame.
He decides that right now, he isn't going to be the one to tell her. He's already taken so much away from her. Glee's the only thing that Quinn's got left. He'd be even more of an ass to take her last bit of sanity. He then remembers how close she and Mercedes are now. She could get to her before he musters up the balls to break it to her, himself. Then she'd hate him for sure. He shrugs, willing to take the chance. If it means letting her keep that small glimmer of happiness, he'll be a man and take what she throws at him. It's not like Puck hasn't done that before.
Glancing down at the screen, he sees a blank reply. It's habit, no matter who it is, to give them some kind of answer. Knowing it's Finn, something in him wants to change the subject. Something in him wants to talk about football, or hot girls, or something. Anything really. Like the old days. Of the two of them, Finn's the sensitive one. Puck prides himself in being the real man. It's not that Finn's a wuss, (though his fawning over Rachel really gives him no sense of manhood), he just...takes a while to get over betrayal. The betrayer wasn't just anyone. It was his best friend. For someone like Finn, recovery over a screw up like that will take twice as long. His current mood has him saying it anyway.
hey dude! rlly hot chix work here. nice big ass, just lik i lik 'em. Before he can change his mind, he sends it, throwing his phone on the nightstand. Quinn's mumbling incoherently to herself, sleepily turning around to face him.
"Puck...?" she whispers. His head shoots up in surprise. He shifts in the chair uncomfortably (both from feeling like he's been caught in the act, and trying to bring down the instant reaction his body has to hearing her voice). He can hear her just enough. Whether it was the silence or his general reaction to the girl, Quinn sounds...angelic to him. Way to go, Puckerman. You're fucked now. The second part of that thought allows him to grow more uncomfortable than he already is.
After finding out about the baby, he'd taken a personal vow or something to kill his inner player. He'd even joined Celibacy Club. He feels himself grimace at the idea. He has no idea what the fuck made him do that. Noah Puckerman was a stud. He could make a stable career of sexing up the female population. Sure, it makes him a manwhore but, with the exception of football, that's the only thing he's genuinely good at. The team has only won one game the entire season and that was only after Kurt's stupid dance number as he pranced across the field. As much as he loves it, football, by default is mentally scratched off the list. That leaves only sex now. He just makes it (by the skin of his teeth) in school. So why did he come up with the stupid idea to stop doing the only thing he excels in?
"What are you doing up?" That he thinks. He'd done it for Quinn. He'd done it to prove to her that he could change. He'd done it to show her that he was just as valuable, if not more so, than Finn. The games (as much as he enjoyed them) came to a screeching halt. All, for the only girl with enough balls to put up with his shit. The only girl crafty enough to take and hold his armored heart. Without realizing it, she'd danced her way through blazing hoops, taking a chainsaw to the chains wrapped so tightly around it. Quinn Fabray still had the power to completely crush him.
Nice going, dumbass! Even if he deleted it now, he knew that Finn had already read it. He sighed. As much as he tried to be a better guy, he'd always end up doing something stupid. What he's done just now, he knew would give Quinn even more reason to hate him. She could leave him right now, before he even got the chance to have her. Groaning, he wipes his hand across his face. Hearing his distress, Quinn raises her brow.
"Something wrong?"
"Just tired," he says. It's not a lie. He really is tired. "Beth woke up." Okay, so it's only a part of the truth but it's not exactly a lie.
"Well, she looks like she's fallen asleep again. Come back to bed." He smirks but says nothing. "Sleeping in the chair's going to have an even worse effect on your back than the bed. At least here, you can stretch out." He hates himself even more now. Here she was, taking care of his sorry ass. Just like she's always kind of done. And he had to fuck up and send the stupid text. He lets it float to the back of his mind. He'll deal with it in the morning.
"Miss me already?" he whispers, taking his place beside her. He feels her nod against his broad chest, where she's once again settled her head.
"What time is it?" she mumbles.
"No idea. Doesn't really matter. Just sleep until the nurse lady gets here to check on you." He gets no reply for she's fallen asleep again. Puck doesn't follow suit. Instead, his mind is racing (again). He finds himself staring at a ceiling he can't really see and just...thinking. More than thinking, he's hoping. Hoping that his lapse of idiocy doesn't land him in hot water. He scoffs, knowing that there's no chance in hell of that happening.
And then there's this other feeling. Guilt? Yeah, that's it. For the first time, Puck feels guilty. For the first time in his life, he wants to take it back. They're not even really together yet and it feels like he's cheated. With a heavy sigh, he's playing with a piece of her soft blond hair. He hears her sigh, nail subconsciously gliding down his chest. A familiar shiver courses through him. He hasn't told her this yet but, she's the only one who has this kind of effect on him.
How the fuck does she do that? He gently takes her wandering hand in his own, distracting himself by playing with her knuckles. He laughs when he hears her start a gentle snore. The snoring stops. She's just starting a quiet cry while she sleeps.
"I'm so sorry Daddy..." Quinn's begun a subtle toss and turn of her head. "So...sorry." Puck's thumb gently brushes her cheek. He's happy to see that it hasn't woken her. At least he's able to that right.
"Shh," he whispers.
"No!" she shouts. He's surprised to see that her own screaming hasn't brought her into full consciousness yet. "You can't...Please don't...Don't make me go..." As much as it pains him to feel the wetness on her cheeks, he can't wake her. As heartless as it'll make him look, he just listens to her go through, what he knows of personal experience, is a memory nightmare type thing. He does what he can, holding her as close as he can, (not that the size of the bed gives him any other option) silently hoping that she won't wake up in tears and a cold sweat.
His hopes are dashed when she rips herself away from him, sitting straight up. Shit. She's fully awake now, just letting herself cry. Before the shock value wears off, (not that there should even be one. He's done this before. He's lived it.) he just lays there, watching her small shoulders go up and down, her breath coming and going every two seconds. There's just something about watching a girl cry, something about watching Quinn cry that makes him immobile. Before she realizes he's not doing anything and chews him out for being an ass, he wraps his arms around her.
Puck doesn't know if it's the shock or the lingering pregnancy hormones. He read somewhere online, that hormones stick around for a while after the baby's born. He decides it could be either of them, or a bit of both. Regardless, he sits there, letting her put her weight on him. He looks over in the general direction of where Beth is sleeping and is surprised to see that Quinn's freaking out hasn't woken her up.
"Shh," he whispers, so only she can hear. "It's just a dream." She just shakes her head and he's forced to watch the pain glide faster down her face.
"He...he hit me," she cried. He feels his hands curl into fists and goes stiff.
"He did what?"
"In my dream," she clarifies. Puck can feel himself relax a little now. "He actually hit me..."
"Calm down, Quinn. You're brain's giving you a bunch of unrealistic images. You can't let yourself feed into them."
"Cam down?" she growls. "How the hell am I supposed to calm down?" He sighs, running his hand through his hair.
"You're imagining things because you're scared," he said calmly. "If you think about it, you're going to dream about it."
"Are you some kind of shrink now?" she asks angrily. "How is it that you know exactly what's going on inside my head?"
"He did the same thing to me," he whispered. "I'd wake up like you just did, at least three times a night for the first month. It's always the same one. He's walkin' out and I just keep running. The old man just keeps getting farther and farther away."
"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I shouldn't have..."
"It's fine. I don't make it a point to tell people how fucked up my life is." Quinn smiles, somewhat honored that he's willing to open up to her like this. She knows it's not easy for a guy like, Puck. As awful as that piece of his past is, she feels...special? She can tell just by the way he's talking that his tough guy exterior's been knocked down. He's vulnerable now. Quinn honestly has no idea what to do with this part of him. Was she supposed to comfort him now? She knows how he feels about being touched so she decides against it. Instead, she's just quiet, waiting for him to say whatever else he has in mind. After twenty seconds of nothing, she realizes that there's nothing left.
"I just...It's all so new..." she admits. She sees him nod.
"Get's easier," he mumbled. "I hate to tell you this but, somethin' like that doesn't really leave you. "You just...learn to deal." She nods again, ready for him to throw up his walls again. He doesn't. "I still see him sometimes...Like twice a year or so. Usually around Hanukah and my birthday. I'm done bein' sad about it. I'm just...angry now. Angry that I let myself still think about him. Not that I make an effort to do that."
"Is it the time of year?" she suggests.
"Maybe. All I know is I hate him. I hate him for leaving my mom. I hate him for leaving my sister. She's lucky. She doesn't even know what kind of guy he is. She doesn't remember him walkin' out on us. Hell, she wasn't even born yet."
"At least you had him for a time..." she says slowly. He scoffs.
"I think he was home for like, two months at a time? And even then it was about once every two years or something."
"I'm sorry..."
"Will you stop?" he growls angrily. He can tell she's flinched, backed away from him a little. Quinn feels like she's been slapped in the face.
"I was just..."
"Feelin' sorry for me?" he snaps. "Yeah well, I get enough of that shit. I don't need people feelin' sorry for me! I get enough of that from people at Temple. It's been like nine years and I still see the pity in their faces! I'm fucking sick of it! I don't need you pitying me too. So just...Just stop, alright? I've done fine without his sorry ass. I don't need him. I've never needed him."
"But you want him," she whispered.
"No. No I don't. If that's the kind of man he is, I really don't want him around."
"There's a part of you that always will. Even if it's microscopic, it's in there."
"You don't know nothin' abbot me, Fabray. Stop thinking you know what I feel and think. You don't." She sighs, not having the energy to fight with him right now.
"You're right," she decides. "Maybe I don't know very much about you. Yet..."
"What do you mean 'Yet'?"
"You know, if we're really going to make this work, I'm going to actually have to figure who you are."
"You know who I am."
"Puck, the fact that you're good in bed, really doesn't count," she groaned.
"You mean, the fact that I'm great in bed," he smirked. Quinn just rolled her eyes.
"Get your big head out of the gutter for like five minutes!" she growled. "That's not the point!"
"Will you stop getting so damn worked up about this? It's not even that big a deal.
"It is a big deal!" I know you base your entire love—it's not even that, it's more your sex life—on lies, but that's not who I am."
"Says the one who flat out lied to Finn about whose baby you were carrying," he pointed out. She sighed. "It was one of the crappiest lies I've heard, too. If you're going to lie to someone, at least make it convincing."
"It's Finn," he pointed out.
"Doesn't really matter. Half the time, you lie to convince yourself that what you're saying is true. We all know how that turned out."
"Can we not do this right now?" she yawned. Puck's face, gone defensive and hard, softened.
"Yeah. Just go back to sleep."
"What time is it?"
"Bedtime," he mumbled. He turns to face her and can make out the shape of his phone sitting on the nightstand. It's flashing, signaling a new text. He probably missed it while they were arguing.
"Uh ha," she smiles. She's barely able to reach the phone from where she's sitting. Puck can feel his stomach drop, his eyes darting back and forth. Don't open it.
"Oh, it's from Rachel," she says curiously. Puck can hear how forced the happiness is. The two of them were...bearable friends in glee, but that's about as far as it went. "I wonder what she wants. Why the heck is she texting you this late, anyway? Why is she texting you at all? He can hear a hint of jealousy in her tone and can't help the smirk that crosses his face.
"Probably just wants to ramble like she usually does," he shrugged. "I'll check it in the morning. Right now, I'm just trying to stop the urge to find a match," he says angrily. Quinn laughs, patting his defined bicep. It's over too soon. He spends three seconds just looking at where her hand has been.
"I just wanna see how long I have left to sleep."
"Does it matter? Nobody's here to bother you. Just sleep until we're forced into the world of the conscious people." She opens it slowly and like him, goes blind for three seconds.
"Gah! Stupid light."
"Just give me the damn phone," he growls, his voice on the edge of impatience. He has to admit he's slightly panicked now, too.
"What the hell?" she asks angrily.
"What?" he sighs. "Gimme that thing!" She swings it just out of his reach and blinks three times before reading it again. He looks over to see that, for once, she's done as he asked and ignored the incoming messages. She's scrolling through his sent folder and he can't help wanting to snatch it right out of her hands. "Why the hell are you reading those?"
"Why are you sending them?" she growls. "You've been hitting on the nursing staff? Really?"
"No."
"Liar. I should have expected as much! It's not like you're going to magically change overnight or anything. But, come on! It hasn't even been twelve hours!"
"Will just calm the hell down? Nothing happened!"
"Then why do I see you telling Finn how amazingly hot they are?"
"Christ, Quinn. I'm a guy, okay? Just because I tell another guy about a girl, doesn't mean I'm gonna have sex with said girl. Chicks do it too."
"I'm sorry. I guess I just assumed that since, you know...Since we're not exactly together..."
"We're not?" he asks with a raise of his brow.
"Well, not really..."
"Quinn, you're my baby mama. We're about as together as two people can get. And there you are assuming things. I was right. You really don't know me."
"Yet."
"Whatever. I'm not a deadbeat—"
"I never said you were," she countered.
"I'm not gonna screw this up. I can't. I'm not my dad."
"I never said that either," she whispered.
"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I just...I don't want or need you to be assuming you know something when you don't."
"I know..."
"I'm not that guy anymore. I haven't been him for a while."
"How am I supposed to believe that?"
"You can't," he said honestly. "You're just going to have to trust me. Not that I've given you much reason to, in the past."
"I'm starting to," she admitted honestly. "It just takes time. We have a pretty screwed up history. I'm just taking this one step at a time. You need to be patient with me." He rolled his eyes. Anyone insane enough to be around Quinn Fabray, practiced a hell of a lot of patience.
Puck's phone rang while still in Quinn's hand. She looked down at it, studying the caller ID.
"Mercedes?" she asked curiously. Shit. If he'd gotten to know Mercedes well enough, the wannabe diva was calling to tell Quinn about Regionals.
"Just let it go to voicemail," he sighed. "It's too fuckin' late to talk to people." Quinn answers it anyway, with a respectful 'hello', despite what time of the night it is.
"Hey, girl. I know it's late but I was just calling to let you know..." Puck's turned away now, silently preparing himself for the wrath of Quinn Fabray.
"No..." she whispers. There's a two minute silence before she speaks again. "Thanks for letting me know, Mercedes. Yeah, I'll see you then." Even before he looks up to see her face, Puck knows what he'll find. It's going to be one of two things. Anger or complete disappointment. Or a mix of the two.
"We lost...Glee club is over..." As much as she tries to fight them, Puck can see her eyes are glazed over. She doesn't let them spill over but the sadness is there.
"I know..."
"You knew?" she asks sharply. "You knew this and you never even bothered to tell me? All this time we were fighting over something so stupid and you couldn't even slip in a 'Hey Quinn, we lost'? I...I had to hear it from, Mercedes! You're sitting right here and can't even waste three seconds of precious air to break the news to me!"
"Do you know how ridiculous you're sounding right now?" he laughed. "It really shouldn't matter who you hear it from. Truth is that we lost. We lost and Glee's over. For good." Puck sees her face fall and can't fight the urge to at least touch her. She flinches, swinging her legs around the bed so she can't look at him. She knows she's being childish about this but right now, she doesn't really care. She hears him come up behind her and slides further away. She doesn't have far to go. She's reached the foot of the bed now. "I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't have said it like that." Quinn just glares at him. If it wasn't him she was aiming the look at, he would tell her how sexy she looks when she's angry. They're in a staring contest, Puck just waiting for some kind of reaction. Quinn's just hoping he'll leave her alone. He wins (again). Slowly, he watches her rock-hard gaze turn cloudy.
He knows she'll probably bite his head off if he gets any closer. Logic tells him to keep his distance. Since when has Noah Puckerman ever listened to logic? He puts a firm hand on her shoulder, watching fresh tears come down.
"It's gone," she whispers. "Everything's actually...gone."
"I can't believe it either. Aural Intensity fucking sucked. The thing's gotta be rigged or something." She smiles, despite herself.
"Why couldn't you just tell me?" she asked quietly.
"I got you into this mess. I'm the one who's taken everything from you. I didn't want your last bit of...happiness to be my fault, too. I'm already enough of an ass for getting you pregnant. I'm a stubborn bastard for making you change your mind."
"You're not a stubborn bastard. You're stubborn but you're not a bastard."
"You don't know me too well yet. I suggest you hold judgment till you do."
"I know enough," she said.
"I didn't want to give you another reason to hate me."
"I don't hate you," she sighed.
"You're just sayin' that so I don't feel like a complete jackass."
"I'm not. It takes two, Puck. I could have said no."
"But you didn't."
"Exactly. I'm as much to blame as you are. Please stop putting all the blame on yourself."
"It is though. I should've made sure we had a condom."
"Those things aren't 100 percent reliable. There's a chance it could have happened, condom or no condom."
"There would've at least been a chance that nothing would have happened..."
"We can't keep playing the 'what ifs'. What's happened is happened. I can't get my virginity back and Beth is already here. We have to work with it."
"I'm sorry."
"Just stop. Stop blaming, stop thinking back. Everything happens for a reason," she smiled.
"You're not gonna go all Jesus freak on me now, are you?"
"No," she laughed.
"Good 'cause that might be offensive." She yawns, crawling back up into the pillows.
"It's already two in the morning."
"This means that, if I do my math right, I've got about ten minutes of sleep before she wakes up."
"You don't have to."
"I want to," he says.
"We'll alternate. That way you at least get a four hour block of sleep."
"She's only got a couple more before she's up for good. I can handle it."
"You sure?" she yawns. He nods as she situates herself for a third time. She feels a slight pang of guilt when she realizes just how much he's done for her.
"You're so good to me," she sighed.
"That leaves this room and I deny every word," he mumbled. She smiles, feeling his fingers thread through her hair, almost without thinking. "Get some sleep," he whispered. She nods, letting her eyes close again. She's got her wrapped around his torso and just lets them sit loosely. Puck follows not too soon after, finally letting his eyes close.
A/N: And so we reach the end of chapter five. Reviews are always lovely. :)