"Okay, here we are in Kakariko Village!" Alfred announced.
They'd made their way to the entrance to the mountain trail. "Hey, you, I need to get going up the mountain." he stated to the guard that stood next to the gate.
The guard took a moment to process what had just happened. "Oh, no! No, no, no. It's far to dangerous for a child!"
"Nah, don't worry. I'm tougher than I look." Alfred grinned.
"Look, kid, they call this place Death Mountain for a reason." The guard sighed. "Not fluffy pink bunny mountain! Why, on that mountain, giant boulders rain down from the sky!"
"Aw, that's okay, I'm wearing a hat." he waved it off.
"Well... there's also these weird jumping spider-things up there." he was running out of things to throw at the young boy.
"I grew up in a forest. Do you really think I'd be afraid of some spiders?"
"Well..." Okay. He was making up shit now. "I also heard that the lava up there is itchy-er than regular lava."
"...Wait, I'm sorry, itchy lava?" Alfred rose an eyebrow. "That doesn't even make any sense. Now look, I'm really, really not afraid of anything that's up there!"
"Well... Alright, i-if you insist..." the guard sighed in defeat. He hit the bottom of his spear on the ground and the gate opened.
"Okay kid. Now, you be careful up there."
Alfred smiled and rolled his eyes. "I will~"
"Now, if you need to get back down again, there's a talking owl at the top of the mountain." The guard smiled.
"Wait a minute." Alfred and Britannia the fairy's faces paled. "Did you just say a talking owl?"
"W-well, yeah." the guard nodded. "He lives at the top of the mountain."
"Hey!" Elizebeta gasped, "What are you doing back here?"
"I can't climb that mountain knowing there's a talking owl up there!" Alfred shook his head. "It's far too dangerous!"
-At Death Mountain Trail-
The sun was shining brightly and the atmosphere looked hopefull, but Alfred's gloomy expression kinda threw everything off.
"Stupid Elizebeta... Making me go back up the mountain..."
"Well, you don't have to go now. You can do some side-quests, if you want." Britannia the fairy shrugged, not really caring.
Alfred shook his head. "No way! Do you remember that stupid 'Sun Song' side quest we did?"
Alfred ran into the dark, sewer-like pit, eager to find the song and get the hell out of there.
"Now all I gotta do is run past this zombie here..." he tried, but when he got to about five feet away from it, there was a shrieking kind of sound and Alfred literaly froze in place as the zombie walked slowly toward him.
"Can't... move..." he mumered.
"What the bloody hell?" the fairy rose a large eyebrow.
The zombie clinged to Alfred's back, doing... -shudders-
"Get 'em off, getemoff,getemoff! He smells like zombie ass, get 'em off!"
"I mean, he didn't have a penis, so he didn't really stick anything anywhere, but it was the fact he was TRYING that frightened me..." Alfred shuddered.
-A Few Moments Later-
"Hello, there, young human." Berwald, king of the Gorons, greeted Alfred as he entered his domain. "How can I help you?"
"Elizebeta wants to know if you'll give her the spiritual stone of fire." Alfred wasn't really paying him any attention. Who would? He looked as scary as hell!
"Yeah, alright." he shrugged. "We never really use it for anything, anyway."
"R... really?" Alfred blinked. "Wow, that was easy..."
"Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, hold on there." Berwald started, "You can't get something for nothing. We're not going to give it to you for free, after all."
"Okay, then. Whaddaya want?" he sighed.
"Well, there're only three things around here that needs to be done."
Alfred nodded, ready to accept whatever he threw at him.
"First, you can go and learn the sun song."
Without a second thought, Alfred froze. "Next."
"Well, you could go feed my slightly agressive pet Dodongo."
"And the last one?" Britannia the fairy tilted his head. All of these so far are completely random.
"The last one is that I want somebody to listen to my DJ music."
Alfred shrugged. "Okay. We'll go with that one."
"Great." Berwald smiled slightly. "I call this one, 'Party in Goron Village'."
Then, two men, one with white hair smoothed back, and another with lighter hair, played the turn-tables. The ambient disco music echoed throughout the room.
Berwald did some sort of dance that resembled an Egyptian dance. "Party, party, party~ Party, party, party~"
"Well... that was very, umm... nice..." the fairy blinked.
"Um, yes. Very.. colorful. Now, just give us the stone, and we'll be on our way." Alfred nodded.
"Oh, but I have more than one song." he smiled.
"...O-okay, I guess we could listen to a few more."
-73 Songs Later-
"Party, party, party~ Party-"
"L-listen," Alfred blinked. "no offense or anything, but... well, don't you know any songs that aren't about... partying?"
As if crickets were in the room, Berwald just sat there and stared at the boy like he was crazy for a moment.
"Party, party, party~ Party, party, party~"
"Okay, I think I'm gonna go feed that Dodongo."
-One Action Packed Dungeon Later-
"Stupid party-obsessed rock man..." Alfred mumbled as he entered what he believed to be the Dodongo's chamber. " 'The hell is a Dodongo, anyway?"
He turned around, and he saw a huge monster that resembled a big dog, except it had scales and a few horns on it's back. It also had a smoothed-back blond tuff of hair, covered by a hat.
It stomped foward angrily. It let out a large roar.
"My guess would be that." Britannia the fairy just stared at it.
"HOLY CRAP! What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?" Alfred panicked.
"Well... feed it, I guess. "the fairy tried not to sound sarcastic; he was serious.
Alfred nodded, and picked a bomb-flower that was growing nearby, and threw it into the monster's mouth while it was open. "Here! Eat this!"
"Okay," the fairy nodded, "Now, you did remember to feed it the giant cherry... and not the bomb... right?"
"Hey, c'mon, give me some credit." Alfred grinned.
The monster let out a roar again as it's knees wobled, and it tried to get away by rolling into a ball and rolling away, but it ran straight into the pool of lava that resided in the middle of the room. "Okay... now there's a slight chance it was a bomb."
The monster held up a hand as if it were dying, and then it burned with the ashes in the lava.
"Oh, this is gonna cost me..."
He arrived outside of the dungeon, and Berwald surprised him by landing behind him.
"So, did you manage to feed my Dodongo alright?"
-In the Cavern-
"Oh... the pain..." the monster cried within the lava with a heavy Danish accent.
"Y-yeah, oh- Yes." Alfred nodded quickly.
"Great! Then here's your secret stone." Berwald held up the red stone, shaped oddly like an axe, and there was a flash of light as he recived it.
Holding it up, Alfred exclaimed. "I got the sacred stone~"
"Yes you certainly did." Berwald nodded. "But before I forget, a few of my boys said that they found a zombie that taught them a really odd way of attacking."
The two males from before landed on each side of Berwald, and they approached Alfred. "Show 'em how it's done."
"Well, boss, it went a little some thing like this."
Alfred proceded to run away, bur was stopped by another goron landing in his path, so he ran in the other direction.
Britannia the fairy just sat on a nearby rock, laughing his ass of.
TBC
LONGEST CHAPTER~~~ I hope you all are enjoying all of this. I know I am. :3 Now, who ever reviews first get a /not/ burnt cookie. x3
~Hari-sama