Disclaimer: Not mine.

Confession in the Cocktail 4

'You know Bones, I know you never meant to but sometimes you can come across very cold. It took me almost six years to figure out when to take you seriously and when not to,' Booth said.

It was late, and after solving a tough case Booth and Brennan were sitting in the Founding Fathers celebrating their arrest. During the case, a suspect had played the personal attack card with Brennan and he had visibly upset her. Now, Brennan wanted to talk about it, so she'd asked why it was that people often still saw her as cold, even though she thought she wasn't impervious anymore.

'You're a cold scientist, you won't understand why I had to take care of them,' the suspect had said. 'You'll never understand why people feel the need to take care of each other.'

'He was a criminal, a lunatic, you know that right, Bones?' Booth asked when she had commented on the suspect. She had nodded but still, the comment had hit her hard and somewhere, Booth understood. To Bones, the man was still a man and even though he was a hard criminal, he wasn't a cold one.

So now, here they were, talking about coldness and heart, two words that many people would use to describe the partners, one applying to Bones and the other to Booth. Now, Booth wanted to convince Bones that those people were wrong. Or ignorant to say the least. But he needed her to understand when and how she came off cold to people.

'When did I hurt you with my coldness?' Brennan asked, obviously worried.

'Well, you're not very subtle when it comes to discussing me. You know that one time when we were at Sweets' office? When he talked about how we were an unlikely partnership?'

Brennan thought for a few seconds, then she nodded. 'But I don't remember saying anything.. Bad to you.'

'Not to me, about me,' he said, not wanting to say the words. Brennan still didn't remember.

'Look, the point is, you don't have a filter between your mouth and your brain. Or a tiny one. But that's ok, it's just something people who don't know you, don't appreciate. But it's actually a great thing, I admire that about you. You don't tell people things they want to hear just for the sake of making them happy. And you shouldn't.'

'But people perceive me as cold and that bothers me, Booth,' Bones pleaded with him. She wanted to change that part of her, her cold demeanor to others. But she had no idea where to start.

'I know it bothers you and I know how you feel about it. Maybe if you just.. Think about what you're going to say, you know, when it comes to people's feelings.. But you see, that's the problem. You're already so closed off when it comes to emotions, I don't want you to hold back more. It's ok to say what you want to say. Maybe just when it comes to strangers, you know? Don't just think about the truth, think about the one you're talking to, as well.'

'But Booth, you just said I hurt you too and that implies that I have to change how I talk to you as well. Because it was never my intention to hurt you, although I can't remember exactly what I said.'

'No, don't change that, please, Bones,' Booth said. 'It's just.. Damn pride, you know. You should say what you feel but just know that if I don't react the way you expected, you hurt my feelings. And that's not always a bad thing.'

'But sometimes it is,' she picked up. 'What did I say, Booth, tell me.'

He sighed. 'You really don't remember.'

'Well, we had a number of sessions with Sweets, in which I said a lot of things, so no, I don't remember this specific instance to which you are referring. Or maybe I do but I don't recognize it by your parameters.'

'All right, you know what, never mind. I'll tell you. You said to Sweets that you wouldn't even see me if it weren't for our partnership.'

Bones went silent.

Her eyes flew to his, and then dropped to the floor. Her mouth opened to say something but closed again.

'But that's ok, you know, I understand. I'm not as intelligent as you, my behavior wasn't to your liking at first, I get it, you don't have to explain. But it just.. It hurt, because I knew how I felt about you, and to hear that, was like.. Wow. Painful.'

She finally found her voice again. 'I.. I'm sorry. I didn't know I hurt you like that.'

'And again when you said we weren't in love with each other,' Booth added. She looked at him, her eyes sad.

'That I do understand. But you have to see, I didn't believe you loved me and I don't believe in luck or fate, and I only just started to believe in love, so you know, I was protecting myself.'

Booth nodded. 'I was so happy when I read what Sweets wrote. I thought about you, how you would read it and maybe like a little switch would go off in your mind, making you see that it was possible, you know, for us to be in love. That it was ok. But it didn't and I understand why, but you know, to hear you say that after reading all that and discussing our first case.. That was a blow.'

'I'm sorry,' Brennan said again. 'I will try to think about other people's feelings before I speak, but it's just.. I'm very bad at guessing people's emotions, Booth. I don't know what they're thinking. You're good at that, I'm not.'

'Then just say what you want to, Bones. That's one part out of the many I like so much about you. You're you, you say what you want, it's always true, even though it's your opinion. People are entitled to their opinion, you know, and if they can't look beyond that they're not worthy of your opinion in the first place.'

Brennan smiled. 'You're basically saying you weren't worthy of my opinion at first, either.'

'You're right, you bugged me with that attitude of yours. And I told you so, on a number of occasions. But you know.. It was.. Refreshing, as well. I knew you were right sometimes. I wasn't who I wanted to be, you know. And now I'm more like that guy. Because you pointed some things out to me. I didn't want to be a man who uses his badge to intimidate people. But still, it can hurt, Bones.'

She nodded again. 'You never do that to me. You're better at that kind of stuff, Booth.'

'You can be good at it too, Bones. Really. Just listen to others, listen to your own heart. Think about what the other person could feel.'

She nodded. 'I am sorry, you know. About what I said, that I wouldn't see you socially. And it isn't true, either.'

'Was it true back then?' he asked.

She thought about it. 'Probably. But not because I didn't like you. Because I didn't want to lose my imperviousness by telling you I had feelings for you. Or by admitting it to myself, really.'

He nodded. 'Yeah, I understand that. You thought you were.. not hurting me by saying it. Protecting me from yourself? Like you said that night. That I needed protecting from you? That was painful, too. A man can decide on his own who he needs protecting from, Bones.'

She looked at him, a slight blush on her cheeks. She knew it would come to this, her having to explain to him why he needed protecting from her.

'Why do you think that, Bones? Please?' he pleaded. And she owed him an explanation. She knew it.

'I.. I said I don't have your kind of open heart. And I don't.'

'That's one, not true, and two, not an explanation,' he said, and she sighed.

'Ok. What I meant to say was.. You give so much of yourself to protect me, to make me feel good, but the fact is.. I can't do the same. I can't live with you because I don't know how. I can't give you the love and happiness that you want, because I just don't know how.'

He shook his head. 'You're wrong, Bones. You know how. You always make me feel better, you know how. Just follow that instinct of yours, however underdeveloped you think it is, it'll help you. You know, brain and heart.'

'Overdrive?' she questioned. He nodded. 'Although that heart of yours can be quite aggressive while in overdrive, so just be careful not to hurt yourself trying to do what you think is best, ok?'

She nodded. 'I'll try. I still don't think I can be what you want,' she whispered.

'You already are, Bones. Don't change. I don't care about how open you think your heart is, or how scientific your brain is. It works for me, it works for us. It's you who I.. Who I care deeply for, and not some idealized version.'

He caught himself quickly, he was about to say 'you who I fell in love with,' but fortunately his brain had saved him from that fatal slip of the tongue.

She nodded again. 'Ok. And it's not that I don't know that love and affection are a good thing, Booth. I just.. Never.. You know, got the chance to look at it that way. I don't know what it feels like to know there is someone out there, just for you.'

'You do,' he whispered.

And she heard him.

'What do you mean?' she asked, frowning. Then, realization downed upon her.

'You mean.. You mean you think you and I are made for each other?'

He nodded. 'Come on, you knew that's what I thought.'

She nodded slowly. 'I didn't think I was right about my gut. But I can see the level of commitment you're willing to put into everything, yes.'

'Well,' he said, putting a hand over hers. 'One day, you'll be ready to accept that everything I want, is you. And you'll be ready to give it to me and you'll know what it means and how it feels to have someone out there, loving you, and only you for the rest of his life.'

Her eyes turned shimmery and a smile appeared on her face, a smile that made him forget his own name. 'Ok,' she whispered. 'But I'm not sure I'll be able to give you the same feeling.'

'You already do,' he whispered back. 'Bones, I know you love me and I know you'd do anything for me. And I know you need time to get to a point where you want to prove it to me, say the words to me, but I'll wait. And until then, I'll know from everything you do.'

His words shook her and she downed her scotch, closing her eyes against the burning in her throat and in her eyes.

When she looked back up, Booths eyes were looking straight at her and she saw the truth of his words. Yes, he's handsome. And yes, she's beautiful. And maybe that's all they see at first. But they, they were long past that point. They were committed. And they, they would rock each other's world.

[Author's note: If you want to suggest scenes in which one of them 'lied' to the other, please do! I'll continue to write chapters as I come across interesting scenes re-watching Bones episodes: Stupid hi(h)at(e)us].