Cry – Jason Walker
AU: Set during 'Special Education'; an alternate take on how Finn and Rachel react to the breakup

Oh no, where did all the years go?

"You said you'd never break up with me!" she shouted, because despite knowing that this was reality, Rachel couldn't face the concept of being alone. No, that wasn't it; she couldn't face the concept of being without Finn; what was she without him?

"I never thought you'd make me feel like this," he said, broken and pained, and Rachel literally felt something break deep in her chest.

She really wished that it hadn't happened at school because how could she concentrate on her studies, knowing that one of the best things about her life had been ripped away so easily?

Actually, if she was wishing for things, she wished that it had never happened in the first place, but she didn't have a fairy godmother or shooting star to rely on.

She watched as Finn turned to walk away, and as he took a step away from her, she felt her tears spill down her cheeks. "Finn, wait!" She ran after him, and though she was desperate to reach for his hand, she stopped herself. "Y-you're my best friend, and even if you don't want to be my b-boyfriend, you have to be my friend." Finn still had his back to her. "P-p-please."

He turned, his face unreadable, and as Rachel whimpered to herself, tiny sobs shaking her body, she missed the way he frowned in concern. "Let's go to the choir room," he said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

They walked in uncomfortable, heart wrenching silence, though now and again Rachel would take a staggered, emotional breath, and it killed Finn all over again.

The room was empty, and without a word, he pulled two chairs together. He was about to take her hand, to guide her into one of the seats, but then he remembered (like he could forget), and he didn't. Instead, he lowered himself onto a chair, taking extra care to make sure that their bodies weren't touching; he couldn't believe he was doing this.

And was it really worth all of this
Heartache that was handed to me?

"Puck, honestly?" he croaked. It felt like an age had passed between them, but it had only been two agonisingly long minutes.

"I-I didn't think, I just w-wanted..."

Finn took a deep breath to stop himself from joining in with Rachel's tears. "What do you want from me? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to be in the same room as you right now?"

"I know..." Rachel whispered, trying her best to calm herself down. She angled her body towards him, and though she knew her eyes were puffy with emotion, she stared at Finn, her gaze not flickering for a second. "H-how did we ever t-t-think this was going to work o-out?"

Holding on just don't make sense

Finn felt like someone had just pushed him off of a cliff or something. Like, how was it that he could be hurting so much, and yet she'd just made it even worse? Was she really saying that it had been a mistake all along? Because he didn't believe that.

Did he?

"I don't know what you're talking about." He gulped, hard, and his fingers clung to his pants to stop himself from shaking.

"You're my b-b-best friend Finn, so why did we have to change things?" Rachel wiped her eyes on her hand, and with a few deep breaths, she managed to control her stammering. "If I'd been dating someone else, and if y-you'd just loved me as a friend, I'd be crying into your arms right now, and you'd be c-comforting me." She swallowed thickly. "But how can I do that when I need to c-cry over you?"

"I don't know," Finn said honestly. He understood what she was saying perfectly. Rachel wasn't just his girlfriend (ex-girlfriend, Finn); she was his best friend, and she knew him better than anyone. She was totally right, wasn't she? After the whole mess with Quinn, he'd gone to Rachel for help (and yeah, okay, so that had ended in a short-lived relationship but she'd been there for him).

Now that he needed to talk, to shout, to cry, who did he go to?

"Why don't you?" he asked slowly. He looked at her, a small, broken mess, and he wanted to help her, he truly did. Finn wasn't sure if that was because he loved her as his (ex)girlfriend, or because he loved her as his best friend, and honestly? Well, it didn't really matter either way, did it?

"Finn?"

But the hardest part of letting go
Is tryin' to find a way to let you know

"Cry into my arms," he said with a firm nod. His voice was guarded, as was his expression, because he couldn't lose it, not now. "You're right, this is all kinds of messed up, but if we're going to get through this," he stiffened at the hope in her eyes, "as friends, we need to work to stay friends... right?"

Rachel bit her lip, and as her eyes watered with fresh tears, she nodded gently. "Right." She awkwardly shuffled her chair closer to Finn's, and even though she just wanted him to hold her and kiss her and whisper how much he loved her, she knew that it wasn't going to happen, not for a while (she refused to think of the alternative).

Finn could feel her confusion in the air, somehow, and to break the tension, he also moved closer before wrapping his arms around her tiny shoulders, resisting the urge to take in the delicious smell that could only be described as Rachel Berry.

It was so, so painful. Rachel wanted Finn's embrace more than anything, but she could feel his heartache by the way he held her; Finn was torn between shouting curses and kissing her senseless. Neither of them wanted this, but at the same time, they wanted this, and it was something that they couldn't explain, not even a little.

"I love him, you know," Rachel whispered into Finn's sweater with a sad sigh and a hiccup.

"What the hell? Rachel, you-"

"I'm talking about you, Finn," she said quietly. At his silence, she continued. "Like I said before, if I'd been dating someone else, you would have been h-here to listen, and it's... easier, I guess, if I talk about you in third p-person. Is that okay?"

Finn, on the brink of pressing his face into her hair, bit his lip. "Yeah, that's okay."

"I really love him," she continued, and Finn felt his heart race because when he thought of Rachel and Puck together, he could feel bile in the back of his throat, and he wanted nothing more than for her to disappear and never look back. At the same time, to hear her talk about him and her love for him... Damn it, he'd never been so conflicted.

"Why did you do it to him?" Finn asked softly. He tried to keep the malice and hurt from his voice, because it was like they were playing a game, he understood that now. He had to be her friend, and try and see things from her point of view, even if he was biased... right?

"Because I love him so much," Rachel admitted with a whimper, and Finn tightened his grip around her as he moved her backwards and forwards in a slow, comforting motion. "I love him so much that the idea of him and Santana, it made me snap, and for one irrational moment, I w-wanted him to hurt just as much as me."

So we'll just cry, cry
On each other's shoulders
Cry until it's over
Can't it just be over?

Finn didn't ask the questions that (ex)boyfriend Finn wanted to ask, but what best friend Finn needed to ask, for Rachel's sake. "Why didn't you tell him how you felt before you..." He closed his eyes sadly in defeat, and ran his fingers through her hair, still rocking her in his arms; he could feel the tears that needed to be shed creeping up on him. "Before you kissed Puck?"

"We tried," Rachel whispered. "We went to see Miss Pillsbury, and I admit that I s-should have given us more of a chance, away from the prying eyes of the counsellor, but Finn..." She pulled back a little so that she could look at him properly, and she knew he was about to cry, which made her stomach turn in self pity. "I made a mistake, and how can he not s-see that?" A tear trickled down her face, and Finn quickly wiped it away his thumb. "I did it because I love him, even if it's the worst mistake of my life."

And we'll just cry, cry
Cry until it's all gone
Been holding on for too long
Time for us to move on

"It hurts Rachel," Finn said suddenly, and in an instant, the roles were reversed. He pressed his head to her chest, and with a choke that made Rachel tear up, Finn let out a frustrated sob that seeped into her dress and pulled at her fractured heart.

"I know," she hiccupped, "I k-k-know."

"I love her, you, I just, I can't-"

"I k-know, I love you too."

Finn moved away from her to look at the matching tear stains on her face, and after rubbing roughly at his eyes, he pressed a kiss to her cheek with a sniffle. "I'll always be your best friend," he said shakily.

"W-what about everything else?" she asked hesitantly.

Finn sighed and rubbed his eyes on the back of his sleeve. "I don't know."

I'm tired of tryin' to find a reason why
So let's just cry