Lips of an Angel – Hinder
AU: This isn't really set in a specific episode, though it takes place in New York. All I can say is that this is the kind of nonsense writing I produce when I'm up all night because I can't sleep; you've been warned ;)
If you'd stopped and asked Finn Hudson where he'd imagined himself in the future, he would have shrugged it off with noncommittal answers because he'd never had a clear sense of direction when it came to colleges and careers. If you'd asked him, before he was about to sing at New Directions' first Regionals appearance, he still wouldn't have known what he wanted to do with his life, but he would have known that Rachel Berry had to be a big part of it.
"I love her," he would have said.
Therefore, it makes little sense to anyone, much less to himself, that he's staring up at the ceiling in a hotel room in New York, and instead of knowing that Rachel is going to be part of him forever, he has a hollow emptiness that is supposed to be filled by his girlfriend, Quinn Fabray. It isn't though, and he barely feels any kind of Quinn presence in his heart, never mind his soul and his dreams and everything else.
They're in New York for three days, which means three lonely nights where Finn gets the chance to wonder what happened, and how he should have fixed things. He wonders what he'd do if he found a magic lamp like Aladdin or Ali Baba or whoever the hell it was who had a genie. He thinks that he'd wish for Rachel to love him again, but no, wait, it's Aladdin, because Finn remembers the Disney version, and how it was impossible to wish for love (and to bring people back from the dead, so there goes his wish to see his dad once more).
Things aren't that simple though, and Finn thinks that he'd ask for a do-over. But how far back would he have to go? Far enough to stop himself from pursuing Quinn? Far enough to stop Rachel from kissing Puck? Far enough to stop the sex scandal ever coming out? Far enough to stop himself from sleeping with Santana? Far enough to stop himself from ever loving Quinn?
In hindsight, that question is really tough because there are so many mistakes that the two of them made, and it's not that easy, just pretending none of it ever happened. It still stings though, not just because he's stuck with Quinn out of some kind of obligation and feels nothing for her, but because Rachel is unavailable too. He doesn't know if it's love (he really hopes it isn't), bur she seemed to just fall back into old habits, and she and Jesse are an item now again.
Finn ignores the bile in the back of his throat; he's never liked that jackass. He's lucky in one respect though, because if it wasn't for Puck's vigorous complaints about sharing a room with St. James, he'd be forced to sleep next to the guy, just like poor Mr Schue in the room he was supposed to share with Miss Pillsbury (limited funds, as per usual).
This is night number one, and he's supposed to be sleeping, pumped up for the day of song writing and sightseeing that lies ahead, but Finn can't get Rachel out of his mind; this is her city, and he's missing it all because of some bad choices and a few petty grudges.
He really needs to sleep, so he tries to close his eyes, though the five boys in the room are all snoring respectively, and Finn's too awake to think about resting; maybe later, when he's pined over Rachel some more.
His cell phone buzzes under his pillow and he jumps, startled by the noise at... He squints at the screen; it's half past one in the morning, and shit, who else would be calling at this time apart from his mom? He squints again, the light hurting his eyes, and Finn literally skips a heartbeat; it's Rachel.
Honey why are you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now
"Hello?" he whispers, glancing around the darkened room to make sure that he hasn't disturbed anyone. Sam gives a little grunt in his sleep and Mike mutters something about dim sum, but they don't stir, and Finn lets out a silent sigh of relief. "Rachel?"
"Hello Finn; did I wake you?"
"No, you didn't actually, I can't-"
"Sleep, I know, me neither. I figured that you'd be awake since we're both-"
"Co-captains," he ventures, keeping his voice as quiet as possible. "It's a lot of pressure being in New York, but it's also-"
"Exciting, exactly! And I have butterflies because it's-"
"Perfect, and a little scary." None of them mention the fact that they've just finished each other's sentences, because it's not that important; they just know each other well, that's all.
"I miss-"
"I know, I miss you too." Finn sighs as he slumps against his pillow, staring once again at the plain, unchanging ceiling. He's sure he can hear a faint sniffling sound on the other end of the phone, and he sits up in alarm, clutching his cell to his ear. "Rachel, what's wrong?"
Honey, why are you crying, is everything okay?
I gotta whisper because I can't be too loud
"I don't like this Finn," she says just as quietly, but he can hear her perfectly because she's Rachel and he's Finn, and it's like finishing each other's sentences; it's just a thing that they're good at. "I don't like being here without you. I mean-"
"Without you by my side properly," he admits, because he knows she's frightened to say the words (and they terrify him too). "I love you, you know." He doesn't even hesitate, even if he's dating Quinn and she's dating Jesse and there are a hundred and one reasons why it's wrong (his counter argument is that there are a hundred and two reasons why it's the most perfect and natural thing in the world).
"I know, and I love you too. But it's complicated, isn't it?"
"Yeah." And doesn't he know it. "It really is."
"I wish we could run away from it all, together, so we could start over."
Finn nods, his heart beating erratically; that would be one of his genie wishes, Rachel's just decided that for him. "Me too babe, you have no idea."
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
"Do you love Quinn?"
"No. Do you love Jesse?"
"No. I feel like I should though, he's-"
"The right choice, the one that makes sense." He gets that because he feels exactly the same way. In a sense, Quinn should be his soulmate. They're both popular and into sports, and she compliments his ability to care too much with an ability to care for nothing at all, and they should fit together and stay that way forever.
Jesse is Rachel's perfect fit. He's extremely talented and driven, just like she is, and he compliments her overly large, kind heart with a heart that doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself, and they should fit together and stay that way forever.
"Where did we go wrong?"
"I never deserved you in the first place, Rachel," he whispers, his eyelids fluttering at his confession; he really does miss talking to her. "Quinn was supposed to be the safe choice, and maybe if I'd broken up with her in the beginning, you and I could have worked out. But I let you kiss me while I was dating her, and maybe I shouldn't have." He sighs, running his free hand over his chin; he needs to shave.
"And I never deserved you in the first place, Finn, because I had you, and then I kissed Noah and I shouldn't have."
It doesn't hurt as much as it once did. At first, her confession had felt like a truck slamming into his soul, crushing everything that he'd believed in; now it feels like some pesky mosquito that won't leave him alone.
"We screwed up."
"Yeah, we did."
"Can I see you?" He asks this like he's asking for the time, and he admits his love for her like he's admitting that he's a boy; it's all natural, and it should be, really, because they're Finn and Rachel, and that never stops existing.
"Of course. I'll see you in five." She hangs up, and though he's wearing his pyjamas and he looks like a wreck, he doesn't give a crap. Finn crawls out of bed, careful not to disturb the sleepers, and he leaves the room without a care in the world, waiting patiently for Rachel to make an appearance.
"Finn."
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
He turns to look at her in the deserted hallway, and she's wearing her nightwear too, dressed from head to toe in pink, and she's the most perfect thing he's ever seen. Her hair is tied up in pigtails and she looks like she's just woken up, but God, she's beautiful, his own little angel.
Finn takes three steps forward at the same time that Rachel does, and they spend three seconds staring into each other's eyes before their lips meet in the middle, and the excitement starts.
He's done this before. The first time that he kissed Rachel, he was dating Quinn, and he should have felt guilty and dirty and every bad name here, but the only reason he'd felt remorse was because he'd abandoned Rachel; it was never about Quinn.
That time that he kissed Quinn, when she was still dating Sam, it had felt strange. He'd enjoyed it a little, but the overpowering feeing in his stomach was danger, and that had kept him going, yearning for some kind of relief from the pain he felt whenever he looked at Rachel.
This is different; this is inevitability. He's cheating on his girlfriend and she's cheating on her boyfriend and the only thing he can think of is how much he's missed her taste and her everything. Her fingers curl in his hair, tugging gently as her lips melt against his, and she moans in longing in the same way that he does.
Finn's hands are located under her top, tracing patterns over the skin on her back, and his tongue teases at hers, lapping at the hot breath that makes him feel dizzy. He can feel their embrace getting heavier, and when she backs him up against the wall, her hands now cupping his face with a groan, he returns the favour by cupping her breasts, his thumbs circling the outline of her body.
She doesn't complain that he's going too far, and he doesn't expect her to, because in this one moment, a moment of rightness and vulnerability and heat, it's like something is pulling them towards one another, an invisible tether telling them that what they're doing is right.
They both break away from the kiss at the same time, though not out of guilt or second thoughts; they just need to breathe.
"I love you," Rachel whispers as she begins to pepper kisses across Finn's neck, and he closes his eyes, his body humming at the contact.
Hearing those words, it makes me weak
"I love you too." He doesn't question what they're doing, and neither does she, because they're both misbehaving and taking a chance on this moment, and Finn doesn't want to ruin it.
He has to though, for his sanity.
"I know what you're going to say, and I think we can do this," she breathes, now staring up at him with her empathetic brown eyes that look almost golden in the light of the hotel.
"You mean cheat on Quinn and Jesse?"
"Yes," she says in a heartbeat. He knows he should say no because lies and dishonesty ruined so many things for him, but he can't find the will to care.
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl, you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
"Okay." He kisses her again, and this time they stop when his hand snakes into her panties and her hand cups him through the thin fabric of his pyjama pants, though only because they think they can hear someone coming.
"We have a few days left to sort out the finer details," she whispers, taking his hand and kissing each fingertip. "We won't get caught if we're smart."
He doesn't even question her, or how they got to this place in their lives, because cheating feels better than anything he's ever felt with Quinn. "We should get back."
She nods, her eyes sagging a little with exhaustion, and he kisses her nose, his tongue sweeping over her soft, sensitive skin as his hands weave through her hair, and though he wants her to come back to his room, to share his bed and cuddle all night long, they can't, not tonight at least.
"I love you Finn Hudson."
"I love you Rachel Berry." They both smile proper 'I'm happy because I'm in love' smiles, and they both wave as they head back into their rooms.
Finn slips into his bed, a permanent grin on his face and a permanent excitement in his heart, and he decides to call her, just to make sure.
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes, I've dreamt of you too
"Hi," the girl on the other end says with a contented sigh, and Finn is sure that they're making the right call, until they can find the courage to sort everything out.
"Hey. Did Quinn notice you were gone?"
"Nope; her and the rest of the girls are fast asleep."
It's strange how unaffected by this they are. Once upon a time, Rachel would have been wracked with jealousy just because Finn had said the blonde's name, and here they are, being sneaky and deceptive and she couldn't give a damn; she's happy and he's happy, and that's all that matters.
And does he know you're talking to me?
Will it start a fight?
No, I don't think she has a clue
"The coast is clear on my end," he whispers, and he grins from ear to ear because New York is going to be amazing, he can feel it.
"Tomorrow we'll have to play happy families," Rachel replies, and not long ago, Finn would have been forced to stop himself from tearing up; now he has a hard time hiding his smile. "There are plenty of places that we may bump into each other though." He can hear Rachel's own smile in her words, and he can't believe they're doing this, going behind the backs of their friends to be with each other; at the same time, he can believe it one hundred percent because like he said, it's just inevitable.
"And I'm sure I won't be able to sleep tomorrow night," he says, and the way she giggles and the way he returns that with a laugh means that they're going to be okay, no matter how much crap they have to deal with. "I love you Rachel Berry."
"I love you Finn Hudson."
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
A/N: The song inspiration came from an anon on Tumblr who told me that they wanted this song in the New York episode, so I decided to play around with it until I got this. Anyway, reviews would be amazing if you have the time (is it crazy that I want to write a spin-off fic where Finn and Rachel are dirty little cheaters because they love each other too much? Another one to add to my endless list I guess haha). ~Rachael x