14. Comfort
He was an idiot. A complete and utter fool. Of course he had been told so often enough- it was his knight-mistress's favorite way to entertain herself on long rides, repeating all of his most glaring acts of stupidity softly to herself. And Wyldon had expressed the same sentiment throughout his page years, if not in words than in impossible amounts of punishment duty. If the timing had been different, he might even have been proud of himself for finally getting those two to agree on something, by no means a small feat. But tonight was for damage control, and he had more important things to worry about.
Like how he had managed to completely misinterpret his best friend's feelings. They had grown apart a bit over the last four years, an inevitable consequence of riding with knights who seemed to think no corner of Tortall too obscure to lend a hand. But still, this was Kel, the reason he had made it through page training, his fiercest ally in the struggle to survive four years as the Lioness's squire. He thought he knew her better; he should have been able to see that what she had with Cleon was more than just passing time.
It had been like this from the start. Roald had been the first to realize what was developing between his two friends during the Progress, the only one really; the rest of them had remained completely oblivious. Because Cleon, the clown, always trying for a laugh with those flowery nicknames of his, and Kel, who had made no secret of her hatred for being referred to as a buttercup or a pearl like she was the pride of the convent, really together? It had to be a joke, nothing serious, an attempt to show that she could keep up with the boys in every area. Alanna had certainly done as much at that age; it was one of the curses he had discovered while riding with her of never being able to hold his tongue, that he often got more truth, and details, than he would have ever wished for.
But then he had watched them tonight, illuminated by the flashes of lightning that rent the sky; so caught up in one another that they barely noticed the wind-splashed droplets showering their faces, taking the place of tears that neither would allow themselves to cry. They were too strong, both wishing to protect the other, to keep the one they loved from seeing the hidden depths of hurt that would haunt them over the cool, lonely nights to come. And he had known, at that instant, that it was more than convenience, more than simple fun; it was love, and it was impossible. It took all they had, just to say goodbye. Then Cleon was gone, and Kel was alone once more, shivering as she watched the rain fall on the ruins of her dreams.
He ached to comfort her, to let her know everything was going to be all right. How many nights had she spent, listening to his heartbroken rants about jaded love, always knowing exactly the right comments to make in that simple, direct way of hers until he was laughing so hard his tears left blotted stains on the pages of worthless poetry? Now he had repayed her by talking incessantly of his own betrothed, never stopping to consider the pain she might be in. She had mentioned it in passing, that she wasn't even sure Cleon knew if she had survived her Ordeal. At least he knew that Yuki was safe in Corus, while his two friends had fallen asleep each night knowing the other could be lying cold on some battlefield, with the king's orders and a foreign army between them.
The crying was so soft that he barely even heard it, would never have noticed if he hadn't paused for a moment beside her door, wondering if sleep had yet come to drown her sorrows. He couldn't remember the last time she had cried, not through all the fights and cruel taunts, not when Wyldon put her fears on display for their amusement, time and time again. Now he was just standing there as the toughest person he had ever known broke down, but he wouldn't lie to her, couldn't; everything would not be all right, and only time could help her now, time that was a stronger healer than he would ever be. It near broke his heart, that she thought she had to wait until she was alone until she let her guard down, as if they would ever think her fragile or weak for showing her true emotions. And that he could do nothing more for her than stand beside the door as the sobs grew fainter still and she was blessed with sleep at last.
Walking quietly to his own room, he prayed that the night might bring her a bit of the peace she so deserved.
Look out for one more update later tonight. Thanks for reading!