Craig Manning

I was excited to be in Toronto again, especially since I haven't seen most of my friends in over two years. I was single, again. Yvette and I didn't quite work out in the end. She had found my song notebook, with so many different lyrics and rhymes about her. No, not my bride-to-be, I'm talking about the one girl that had helped me through two of the roughest times in my life. Yvette accused me of cheating, and she left me on the spot for some guy in an Emo band. I almost turned to cocaine to help me through the break up, but I couldn't. I wouldn't! I had worked so hard, and I was still sober. Staying sober was hard, but I managed. She was the one who gave me the push that I needed. Without her, I'd probably be face down in a ditch somewhere. Plus, if she ever found out I was doing cocaine again, who knows what would happen to me.

On a lighter note, I was very excited to see everyone, and hopefully they would treat me like good old Craig from high school, and not cocaine-addicted-superstar Craig Manning. If only they knew that I had been sober for almost three years... Even though I didn't want them to give me the royal treatment, I still had my guitar with me in the cab just in case. The eighty-something year old cab driver didn't recognize me, which was good because I really didn't need a smelly old cab driver spitting un-chewed food on me while asking for an autograph (believe it or not, it happens).

The cab stopped in front of what must have been Marco's building. I handed the driver a ten dollar bill, and stepped outside into the pouring rain. I pulled my hood over my head, and hurried into the drab building which was two blocks away from the University of Toronto. Making my way upstairs to the apartment Marco lived in, I thought of her. Ellie Nash. The Ellie Nash I had written so many unpublished and published songs about. I had loved her, and of course I always would.

It pained me to think of my visit a few years ago. Ellie had caught me doing cocaine, and I lied and said that the coke was Manny's, and she convinced me to do the drug with her. I was a known liar, but I would never lie to Ellie. Plus, I was higher than a kite. When Ellie found out that I lied to her about the cocaine, I knew that she would probably never believe me ever again. And when I thought things could not get any worse Ellie-wise, she caught me doing the drug backstage at a show. She said that she would tell Joey, and get me shipped off to Calgary. I panicked, and that's when we shared our first kiss. It was almost perfect, other than the fact that I was high again. After the kiss, I ruined everything by telling Ellie that she wouldn't tell Joey if she really did love me. Just like that, she was gone. I saw her again at the airport before I left for Calgary. I told her that I wasn't lying about what I said, but she didn't believe me, and she left. After that day at the airport, I didn't do cocaine ever again. Ellie Nash saved me from myself.

I fast-forwarded my thoughts to the last time I saw Ellie. It was almost a year ago, after a week of hanging out. We were at the airport in L.A. before she got on her flight home to Toronto. We kissed, and this time it really was perfect. I loved her, and I always would. However, Ellie was going back home, and I was in L.A. Sure, she kissed me. But she'd never want to be together after all the times I hurt her over the years.

I shook the depressing thoughts away and focused on the present. Maybe Ellie and Marco still lived together. I'd see her tonight if they still did... I immediately got nervous just thinking about it. I decided immediately what song I was going to play. Rescue You. The song I played for Ellie in Los Angeles when she was staying at my condo on the beach. Hopefully she would love it.

I went over the lyrics in my mind even though I knew them by heart. My mind was racing by the time I reached the door to Marco's apartment. I slowly opened the door and sauntered into the huge party. Marco was always a party kind of guy, so it didn't surprise me that he would be throwing a rager like this. The first person I saw in the living room was Marco, trying to get everyone to put their drinks on coasters. No luck in that department, like always, I thought, and I chuckled to myself.

After that moment, everything happened like a blur. Some girl from TU noticed who I was, screamed my name, then BAM! I was trampled by college-girl fans. Sigh… The one girl I wanted to trample was nowhere in sight. Marco pulled me out of the crowd, and announced to everyone that I was his friend from high school. I noticed Manny sitting in the corner with Emma and Liberty, they waved to me and I smiled. Manny was probably still angry with me because of the whole "choosing-cocaine-over-her" thing a few years ago, but that was forever ago.

A few of Marco's friends wanted me to play a song, and I barely even realized until Marco tugged on my sleeve and made me snap back into reality. I was looking for Ellie. I scanned the room, and she was nowhere to be found. I sighed again, and then said that I was going to play a song called Rescue You, which was written for someone in that room. I glanced at Manny in the corner to see her reaction- her eyes lightened up for a moment, and shot me a look that screamed, "Did you write it for me?" I shot her one back that said "No, it wasn't."

I strummed the first chord to the song, and began to sing. After the first verse, I glanced at Manny again, who was turned toward Emma and Liberty again, but this time she mouthed "Ellie" to them. I grinned, happy that she knew immediately that this wasn't for her. As verses progressed into the chorus, I felt the natural high of performance. It was amazing, being able to play in front of friends like this. I missed this.

However, the thing I missed more than playing in front of people I knew was Ellie Nash. Where the hell is she? I thought, as I sang the chorus a second time. I scanned the room for the millionth time looking for Ellie. It troubled me. Did she and Marco get into a fight? Unlikely. Maybe she and Paige got into a fight. Now that was likely.

I sang the last line of the song, smiled for the small audience, and then quickly put my guitar back into the case. I ran over to Marco. "Craig, my man! That was awesome, and I wonder who it was about…" Marco winked, but I pulled him aside. I grabbed his shoulders, "Where is she? I need to see her right now." Marco thought for a minute. "If she's not out here, she might be in her room. Down the hall a bit, it's the second door to the left. Knock first though, you know our El, she likes her privacy." Marco smiled again, and I smiled back. "Thanks Marco. I really appreciate it." I patted him on the arm, and then quickly ran down the hall to find my Ellie.

First door, bathroom, second door… Ellie's name was scribbled on a whiteboard on the door. I knocked. There was no answer. "El? Open up?" I said loudly. Still no answer. She either doesn't hear me, she's ignoring me, or she's not even in there. I thought. "Ellie Nash, open the door!" I dragged on the o sound in door, and still no answer. Huh…

I turned the doorknob, and stepped in slightly. And that's when I saw her.

Ellie was lying on the floor, drenched in blood. "Ellie?" My voice was shaking with fear for her. I realized then that she was unconscious. "Ellie!" I yelled, and ran to where she was laying. I checked her pulse first. Her heart was still beating, thank god. I sighed with relief. I picked up her arm, which was covered in blood and two fresh gashes that covered the entire length of her thin arm.

"El, we're going to get you to the hospital ASAP, don't worry…" I cupped her face in my hand, smoothed down her hair, then yelled for Marco to come to us. I used my loudest voice, and within seconds, Marco came running in. "Craig, what's the proble-" He noticed Ellie on the floor, and then gasped. "Craig, what happened?" He ran over to Ellie and I, checked her pulse the same way I did, then looked at me. "I knocked, there was no answer, so I came in and I found her like this! Marco, when did she start cutting again?" I could hear the fear for Ellie in my voice. "I didn't know she still did…" Marco looked almost as worried as I felt.

Marco yelled for Paige, and then she ran in as well. "Marco, what do you want?" She obviously didn't notice Ellie almost dead on the floor. We motioned to her, and her eyes widened. "I'll clear party central, Marco, you call the ambulance, and cokey, you stay with her!" I sighed with annoyance, but I didn't care about Paige's snide remark. All I cared about was Ellie right now.

Next thing I knew, Marco and I were sitting in the back of an ambulance with Ellie lying in the cot in front of us. I wanted her to be okay. I needed her to be okay.