Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.
Well, you have no idea how happy I am that the first chapter got such great response! :D Thank you so, so much everyone that read and/or reviewed! So, it's a pleasure to give you this second chapter that will really start the story off, and give you some more insight to how things have been for them since the end of LS. :)
This chapter starts out right after the first one, meaning Rose & Dimitri are still talking.
"Did you mean it?" he wondered.
I knew what he was referring to. "No." I frowned, knowing my next words wasn't going to please him. "But officially - to everyone else - yes. I can't have that hanging over my head. I don't know what's going to happen, but I don't want to hurt him. I think he'll easier talk to me if we're not together."
Oh, he hated this. It was so obvious in his dark eyes.
Chapter 2
"I don't expect I can make you reconsider what you're doing?" Dimitri wondered, looking defeated, and I could see just the amount of hurt I'd just caused him in his eyes.
I shook my head slowly. "You don't know him, but I do. And I'm sure, that if I don't do anything soon, he'll be found dead somewhere. And it'll be my fault, Dimitri." I told him, my voice breaking. "And mine alone."
That was what I feared the most, to one day hear that Adrian had overdosed, accidentally or not. Considering his old life-style, the one he'd reverted to about a month ago, it was possible. And it scared me more than anything. It would be as bad as when I'd found out through Mason that the strigoi had made Dimitri one of them. This couldn't go on anymore, I had to save him from himself, before it was too late.
"Roza..." His eyes... those brown, brown eyes... filled with such sadness. It wasn't right either.
"I'm sorry," I sighed. "But I have to do this."
He looked hesitant as he said, "When will you be back?"
"I don't know." I told him earnestly. There was no point in lying, to give him false hope. "I don't even know where he is."
He sighed, turning his head down. "Lissa will know."
I hated seeing him like this. He was supposed to be strong, invincible even, but I guessed love changes people. He wasn't strong all the time, I knew that already, especially not when it came to me.
I walked up to him - his head still hanging - and tried to look him in the eye. "Hey," I said softly, my eyes starting to burn a little from the tears that wanted to escape as I cupped his cheek. "Don't think I don't hate this, too."
He glanced sadly at me. "You will be back, won't you? You will come back?" The 'to me' was implied.
"Of course I will." I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "I love you."
The corners of his lips tugged a little. "I love you, too, Roza."
"Don't be sad, okay? I will come back to you eventually - I just don't know when. I have to talk to him first, so he doesn't do anything stupid."
It was still obvious that he really hated this, but what else was I supposed to do? I had to get to him before things went too far, before I couldn't do anything to ease his pain, or mine. Before he was forever clueless regarding my feelings for him, and before I would have to live with the fact that I drove him into madness and possibly suicide - whether it was by his hand or not.
I hugged Dimitri to me, which he responded by holding me closer, before I told him I had to go look for Lissa. He didn't say anything, just nodded that he understood, and then I headed out.
Luck seemed to be with me, because as soon as I exited the housing where Dimitri and I shared a suite, I ran into her.
"Lissa!" I cried, a little startled, but happy that I didn't have to walk around half of Court in order to find her. "I was just about to look for you."
"Oh?" She smiled, but then it faded a little as she took in my appearance. It made me wonder what I looked like. Had my mascara run or something? That was the only explanation I could come up with.
"What's up?" she wondered, worry lacing her words.
"Have you seen-" I paused for a second, my heart tugging uncomfortably in my chest. "Adrian?"
"Oh. Rose," She eyed me sadly, and sighed. "Don't do that. Don't..."
"I need to talk to him, Liss." I told her. "If you know where he is, tell me! Please."
"I'm sorry, Rose, but you can't."
"What?" I said, a little confused. "What do you mean I can't? I need to see him, like, now."
She frowned. "Adrian's gone."
"What?" My breathing stopped. Oh, please don't tell me... "What do you mean gone?"
"He left two days ago."
So much for luck.
"What?" I cried, feeling just a little relieved that he was okay enough to travel. "Left for where?"
She frowned. "He didn't say."
Oh, this day was just getting better and better, wasn't it?
"When's he coming back then?" I realized my tone was getting desperate, but whatever - I had to know.
"He didn't know."
Oh hell no...
I felt my heart break right along with me. It was hard to keep the tears at bay, but a few escaped despite my efforts. Gasping a little for breath, I felt my hope sink to the ground. To the deepest pit of hell even, because what was I supposed to do now?
Adrian wasn't here at Court anymore, and it didn't seem like anyone knew where he was now. If anyone would have known, it would have been Lissa. And I could tell that she was telling the truth, even if we weren't bonded anymore; knowing someone for so long had it perks. Besides, I'd spent such a long time being attuned to her emotions that I could easily read her now. I didn't have to ask why he had left; I knew very well why he had.
Because of me.
Because of what I did to him.
"Rose...?" Lissa said hesitantly.
I turned to see her watching me worriedly. Her eyes were full of concern, and I'm sure because I usually didn't cry. Sure, I got upset, but I rarely went as far as tearing up over something.
"What's going on?"
"I broke up with Dimitri," I told her, which was a half-truth.
Her expression then actually confused me. I didn't know what to make of it. She did seem a little surprised by it, but then there was something in her eyes that told me she wasn't surprised after all.
"Because of Adrian?" she guessed, a knowing glint in her eyes.
I supposed it didn't come as that much of a surprise to her, or our other friends when they would eventually find out about my break-up with Dimitri, even though they didn't know the full truth behind it. Like how it wasn't for real. For now they needed to believe the lie, and considering certain events, it probably wouldn't be so hard for them to believe it.
It had been about two and a half weeks since mine and Adrian's catastrophic break-up, and Lissa, Christian, Dimitri and myself was sitting at one of Court's many cafés. We were having coffee; well, Dimitri and Lissa were. I had my chai tea and Christian had settled for a simple coke. It was still a little awkward, I supposed, between us, since they weren't so used to seeing Dimitri and I being affectionate towards one another. Our relationship hadn't been public knowledge that long – although, the two of them had known about us for quite some time, they just hadn't seen it.
Everything was perfect. Well, as perfect as things could be all things considered. Lissa and I were talking about Lehigh – well, she was the one who did most of the talking. She was so excited to finally go there, and she told us all about the classes she was going to have – classes I would be attending as well, seeing as I was her near-guard. I wasn't as interested, so I discreetly sipped a little at my tea. In my peripheral view I could see Dimitri smiling politely at her; he wasn't interested either. The only one who actually was, besides Lissa, was Christian. He was happy she would be getting to do something she had wanted for so long. And it was a distraction from Tasha's recent death.
The evidence, and motive, had been more than enough to realize she'd been the real culprit, that she had been the one to murder Tatiana and not me. Besides, her gun-waving and shooting me in front of everyone kind of made her look even more guilty. There was no need for a hearing - she got a trial within the week, where she was found guilty for high-treason and sentenced to death, which was executed right afterwards. And this was about a week and a half ago; her betrayal had clearly left its mark on all of us, but we tried to go on as best we could. Though no one talked about it, much, the effect it had had was still evident.
Then Lissa abruptly stopped talking, which, of course, immediately alarmed me. Just because I wasn't really listening, it didn't mean I wasn't aware of her talking. I looked up only to see her eyes wide – full of sadness and worry – and directed at something behind me.
I turned around in my seat only to see...
Adrian.
And he was drunk.
"Oh my god," Lissa said quietly, a hand clasped in front of her mouth.
I froze.
His brown hair usually was messy, but it had always been styled that way. The way it was now, that wasn't styled. It was just unkempt, uncared for. He didn't seem to want to bother with it anymore. The red and white checkered shirt he was wearing was more than a little disheveled; some buttons were even in the wrong holes, which made one side hang lower than the other.
And his face... his beautiful face... was so wild. There was no other way to describe it. The most significant new feature was probably his slight beard - he obviously hadn't shaved in awhile - but to me... to me it was his eyes that stood out the most. His green eyes, normally full of lazy mischief, were tired. Distraught. Angry.
He was arguing with a guardian that was clearly escorting him away from the scene. Intoxication in public wasn't something that was accepted in our world either, especially not for a royal like Adrian. Things like that wanted to be kept as quiet as possible, though I didn't think this would remain a secret for long.
Even though he was still heavily arguing with the guardian, his eyes managed to find mine. And right then, as we locked eyes with each other, he stopped talking.
I couldn't breathe, and my heart began to beat faster and faster in my chest. I wondered what he saw in my face then, as he quickly looked away – face blank - and began to argue with the guardian again, who I was sure didn't enjoy his current task.
Fuck my life, but they were heading towards us.
"Your Majesty," the guardian inclined his head as he stopped by our table, Adrian in tow. He didn't look like he wanted to be here; his head was turned away. "Lord Ivashkov wishes to speak with you, but considering his... current state..."
Out of nowhere, Dimitri suddenly grabbed my hand.
"No, no. It's okay," Lissa hurried out of her seat, glancing a little anxiously my way before she walked over to Adrian, who I couldn't keep my eyes off. He looked so miserable, it made me feel physically ill.
"What is it?" she asked him, resting a hand reassuringly on his arm, and then the two of them walked away to talk in private. The guardian followed, hovering in the background. I supposed he would escort Adrian back afterward, which I couldn't help but feel grateful for.
When they were out of sight, I turned towards Dimitri. "What was that?"
He looked at me in surprise. "What?"
I jerked my hand out of his. "That! It's bad as it is. You don't have to make it any worse for him."
"Oh, so we're back to that, are we?" he sighed, exasperation coloring his voice.
"Yeah, because you don't listen to me."
"This is hardly the time and place, Rose." He said quietly, firmly, hastily glancing Christian's way. But he wasn't looking at us, he was looking in the direction of where Lissa and Adrian had gone; they were still not in sight. I could tell he was listening to our every word, although he didn't want to. There was just no avoiding it.
"I don't care who hears us, Dimitri!" I snapped. "God, and here I thought that you - of all people - would understand, but apparently you don't."
"Do you really want to have this argument again?" he wondered, and I could see how he was seriously losing his usual self-control. "And frankly, you're right, I don't understand. I don't understand why I can't love you! If you meant me holding your hand, that's because I love you. I love you, Rose! Is there something wrong with that?"
"And you know how I feel!" I cried. "I just don't understand why you choose to ignore it. Is it because you won? You think my feelings for him went away just because we had sex?"
"Rose, that's-"
"Not the point, is it? I told you how I felt about him, back at Jill's house. Do you remember that?" I urged, raising my eyebrows at him. "You should understand then that I just can't let him destroy himself because of me."
"But that's who he was before you, Rose!" Again, he tried to keep himself in control, so he wouldn't lash out like before, but he was so, so close to losing his temper again now. I knew, because we'd argued just that morning about the very same thing - because I'd found a small piece of jewelry that Adrian had gotten for me when we'd first started dating; one of his little casual gifts in order to charm me, which had been part of the dating proposal he'd written up for me. And because of that I happened to mention him, which subsequently set that morning's argument off.
"He partied, he was drunk a lot of the time, and he was with all sorts of women." Dimitri concluded.
"But that's not who he is anymore!" I shook my head at him. "You don't know him like I do."
"Then you obviously don't know him as well as you-"
"That's where you're wrong." I interrupted. "I do know him, and that's not the Adrian I know. He's not like that anymore."
And some time after that Lissa came back, but by then we'd stopped arguing and just sat there fuming in our chairs. Well, I was fuming – Dimitri had put his damned mask on again, and was drinking the last of his coffee whilst I was just glaring at whatever was in front of me, my arms crossed. I didn't have that much control, I couldn't just pretend nothing had happened only moments ago. I could see it in her eyes that she understood we'd been fighting; Christian's relieved expression didn't exactly help. It just made it even more obvious.
Back in the present, instead of actually saying 'yes' to her question whether or not we'd broken up because of Adrian, I resorted to: "I need to talk to him."
She sighed. "Well, I don't know where he went, Rose. I can't help you."
x x x
I managed to get a hold of the creditcard company that Adrian used. After a lot of thinking, I figured he might have used the card he'd given me, which I'd later given back to him. I'd remembered the card I'd used in Russia's numbers in case something would go wrong and I had to cancel it – I didn't want anyone, especially not Strigoi, to get a hold of it. They could trace it back to Adrian, who'd fixed me up with the card. And that was the last thing I had wanted, to involve the others in my suicide mission.
I told them I wanted to see the latest transactions and what-not of the card in question – and I was a little more than polite to the woman I was speaking to on the phone. And by polite I mean I threatened her. Eventually she told me what I needed to know, that it had been used recently, and with that information I later booked a flight to Las Vegas, where the latest transaction had taken place.
Just as I hung up the phone, Dimitri walked into our room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw me, still looking as sad as before. He had a frown on his face that I didn't like to see.
I knew this was hard for him, especially as I was technically leaving him for Adrian. No matter how much he knew I loved him, it didn't make it any easier. But it wasn't easy for me either, though it didn't seem like he fully understood that.
Before me someone I loved so, so much - and always would, someone who shared the fire I had inside me, someone I would die for, was standing. And then somewhere else in the world I had someone I also loved and would die for, someone who was hurting because of me, someone I needed to be with now. And no matter what I did, either of them would hurt. There was no middle ground, no way to escape it.
With this decision I would be hurting Dimitri, but wasn't it worth it if I managed to ease Adrian's pain? Our relationship was strong, despite our many heated arguments, particularly concerning none other than the guy I was now leaving him for. We had already gone through so much together; we would survive this, too.
"Did you find him?" Dimitri asked, his voice wistful as he closed the door and walked over to our bed and sat himself down.
I frowned. "No. He's left Court."
His usually warm, brown eyes widened in surprise. But he didn't say anything – at first.
"You're going after him, aren't you?"
His voice was full of so much sadness I couldn't bear to look at him, afraid my heart might shatter if I did. God, why couldn't life and love just be easy for once? It shouldn't have to be this hard, hurt this much. It wasn't right. I couldn't even bear to answer him.
"Roza, please..." he sighed after a moment of silence.
I still didn't say anything.
"I'm sure there's another way." he continued, starting to almost sound a little desperate. "You don't have to go after him. Maybe he just needs some time alone."
"You don't get it," I said quietly, my eyes resting on the phone in my hands. "But I can't blame you for not understanding. Well, I shouldn't."
Seeing as I had to go Las Vegas to talk to Adrian, I had to pack some clothes to take with me. I didn't know how long I would be gone, but I figured a week worth of clothes was enough. If I would be staying away longer, I could always get them to do my laundry at the hotel I would be staying at. Maybe I would even have time to go shopping; last time I'd been there we hadn't had time, or even thought about it. It was strange to think that that had only been a couple of months ago, and back then Dimitri had still been Strigoi and Adrian had still been with me. Victor had even been alive, and Lissa had still been the only known Dragomir-princess.
For just a second I wondered where I would have been if Dimitri and the other guardians hadn't found me and Lissa last year, and subsequently brought us back to the Academy. Well, obviously I wouldn't have met either Dimitri or Adrian, and neither of us would have been in this mess now. Lissa wouldn't have gotten together with Christian, and... well, I wouldn't have been a real guardian. I wouldn't have got the promise mark. Things would have been easier for us, but probably more boring. Although, I'd take boring instead of messed up relationships any day. You could do something to easy the boredom; relationships wasn't as easy to fix.
Dimitri sat still on the bed as I got out a suitcase and began to fill it with the few clothes that I actually owned. Standing in front of our closet, I wondered if I should bring any dresses with me. I knew Dimitri wouldn't like it, but I couldn't think about him right now.
"Where is he?" he asked, bringing me out of my reverie, as I took down the black dress I'd worn to the school dance almost a year ago now - the one I knew Dimitri actually liked - from its hanger. His eyes narrowed when he saw what I came back with and was putting into the suitcase beside him. Without a doubt in my mind, a part of his mind was replaying that night in his head now. I did, too.
"Can't say."
"Why not?" he questioned as I walked over to the closet again; my back to him.
"You know why."
"You don't want anyone to follow." he said matter-of-factly, a slight edge to his voice. And he was right, I didn't want anyone to follow me to Las Vegas, especially not Dimitri. Hell, that would have been more than catastrophic. What if he saw me kissing - if it came to that - Adrian? Surely my heart wouldn't be able to handle that. It would be Adrian seeing Dimitri and I by the car all over again, just the other way around.
He didn't say anything else after that, he just watched as I walked back and forth between our closet, emptying it from my clothes, but most of all, my presence. When I was done, and had zipped it close, he reached out and took my hands in his thus making me stand right in front of him. My legs were between his.
He didn't have to say anything; his soft, brown eyes did it for him. He pleaded me not to go, but he understood that I needed to do this. Otherwise I wouldn't be at peace, and I wouldn't be able to devote myself fully to him. He wished I was back already.
"I love you," I squeezed his hands. "Don't ever question that."
He stood up, still holding my hands, which made his body press up against mine. I felt my heart begin to pick up its pace, and my breathing was non-existent, as I looked him in the eyes. One of his hands let go of mine and instead went up to brush a lock of hair behind my ear. Despite his big build, and his stoic nature, he was always gentle with me. Well, apart from in the gym. But even then he probably didn't give me everything he had in him, too afraid he would hurt me in such a way that I wouldn't be able to walk away from it. His build only proved he could do the necessary damage... but here I was, still standing.
"I love you more than my own life, Roza." And then he leaned down to brush his lips against mine, and it made me sad to know this would be the last time we kissed for God-only-knows how long. My eyes began to burn again with tears as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing myself impossibly closer to him. His strong arms came around my waist, one hand even going under my shirt, burning my skin with his warm touch.
Dammit.
Moments like this... I hated when they had to be interrupted. And I knew that I had to get going soon, but when he was holding me like this, kissing me like that, I really didn't want to let go of him. Hell, I would even push for sex - though I don't think he'd argue about that - if I knew I had the time. But that would probably only make it worse - if I was to see Adrian in mere hours, wouldn't he be able to tell what I'd just been doing? Hadn't he said, in the dream-walk we'd had after me and Dimitri had had sex in the hotel room, that my aura was glowing in a way he'd never seen it before?
Yeah, that would have been just great, flaunting my post-coital aura at him again. That would surely make him open up to me.
After awhile of kissing, and some minor fondling, I reluctantly had to pull away from Dimitri. And as I exited his arms it felt like a part of me was being ripped away from me. I grabbed the suitcase off the bed without another word - what was there to be said that hadn't already been? - and grabbed my jacket from the coat-hanger by the door, not being able to take a last look at him, before I closed the door to us with a heavy heart.
You like? :)
Btw, just have to tell you, this song totally makes me think of Adrian :'3
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love
Is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand
Is I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on the blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
If my body was on fire
You would watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'Cause you never ever ever did, baby
~ "Grenade" - Bruno Mars
Gah, I love that song so much! And I've been listening it to a lot when I've been writing this chapter (most of it was written today). I pretty much have it on repeat, along with "F**kin' Perfect" (P!nk), "Bumpy Ride" (Mohombi), "Dip It Low" (Christina Milian) & "A Thousand Miles" (Vanessa Carlton) - for some reason dance-friendly music helps when I write, haha. But... amazing song, ain't it? :)
Anywho... please take a second and make my day by leaving a lil review! I would love for you to let me know what you thought! :)
PS. What do you think will happen? Will she eventually return to Dimitri or will she stay with Adrian? ;) And how do you think Adrian will react to seeing Rose again?
Next chapter features: ADRIAN x3