Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.

Hmm... first off, I wanna say THANK YOU.! The response this story is getting is... well, pretty overwhelming! x3 As is the response for "In Search of Peace", which I updated a few days ago. Forgot to say that there, unfortunately. :/ I clearly have too much on my mind. Too many plot bunnies circulating in my head. It's good for you, but... well, I suppose it's good for me, too. Nevermind. x)

RozaDimka: Thank you very much for the song advice! I love it! :D

Enjoy!

Chapter 5

That night I had the strangest dream. I was on a ship out at sea, and the waves were crashing madly against the ship's sides. The whole thing was rocking and the crew on board were clearly all drunk. No one really seemed to know what they were doing, neither did I. I stumbled across deck, passing fellow crew members who's faces were blurry to my eyes. The smell of alcohol was everywhere and it made me feel kind of nauseous. So not before long I was leaning over the railing throwing up, both because of the rocking and the toxic air around me.

When I eventually woke up I found myself not on board a ship, instead I had one of Adrian's arms laying over me. My breath caught at seeing him in such close proximity; his face was right in front of my own. Thankfully his eyes were still closed, which meant he was still sleeping. Still unaware of my presence.

I knew from experience that he was a heavy sleeper, and I couldn't be more grateful for that right now. Who knew how he'd react if he did wake up now and see me laying beside him in his bed? I doubted he'd be happy. That was as unlikely as Dimitri being happy about me being here, especially in this situation: in Adrian's bed. What was most likely to happen was him freaking out, yelling at me, and maybe even push me off the bed.

Okay, he wasn't like that... at least, he hadn't been before. But who knew with this alternate, cold-hearted version of Adrian? He might not have any problems with pushing girls - or me at least - out of bed and onto the hard floor. This Adrian surely wouldn't feel what I was feeling now. He wouldn't feel the tingling inside I felt of just having him so close by, he wouldn't be catching his breath when he realized we were only a breath away from each other... He wouldn't respond to me, would he?

How would I change that? Could I even change that? Was there still a way for me to penetrate that wall he'd built for me? Did I still matter to him, if only a little?

There were too many questions to focus on at once. All I knew was that Adrian wouldn't be happy when he found out that I was in his room, and that I'd stayed the night. That was the only thing I could be sure about now. So, holding my breath, I hesitantly, slowly, grabbed the arm he had over me and laid it to his side.

He didn't wake up from it, just as I'd expected, and he didn't even stir from the movement. He didn't wake up until a little later, at which point I'd sat myself up instead of laying right next to him. A little precaution was needed with him after all, and I really didn't want to be pushed off a bed.

"Go away," he groaned suddenly from underneath the blankets, alerting me that he was finally awake. Somewhere in the middle of the night we'd - or rather, he'd - managed to cover himself with the duvet. Had he grabbed them in his sleep, or had he woken up and then covered himself with it? If he had woken up, then he'd seen me. He knew I was in his room, in his bed...

And he hadn't pushed me away.

Although, considering his next words my theory of him waking up earlier got, more or less, shattered...

"Did you stay the night in my room?" he wondered, naturally sounding a bit sleepy. There was surprise in his voice, but also another emotion I couldn't quite decipher. It almost sounded like... well, he wasn't annoyed at least. That was pretty much the gist of what I could read from his emotions.

When I didn't answer, he groaned. "Please don't tell me anything happened."

"What?" I exclaimed, surprised both by what he implied and the, more or less, neutrality in his voice and expression. Despite the slight frown on his face he didn't show any other signs of disapproval. If I hadn't known any better I'd have thought he actually didn't mind seeing me here. Next to him. In his bed. As if this was just an ordinary day, almost.

"Did you and I...?" he looked at me a bit warily.

Was this his exhaustion talking or did he seriously not have a grudge against me anymore? Had I just imagined his hostility earlier or what was I missing here? What had changed?

"Oh, no!" I cried out, feeling slight warmth rush up to my cheeks. "No, we didn't."

He considered it, looking thoughtful as he scrambled out of bed, having to fight his way out from the duvet a little. He'd managed to somehow twist his legs in it. But as he walked over to the bathroom once he'd released himself he kept turning his head and glancing back at me. Apparently he didn't know how to treat me right now. To be honest I was just happy that he wasn't shouting at me.

"Look, Rose," he sighed, stopping by the treshold leading into the bathroom, a hand on the door. He was clearly frustrated now as he drew his free hand roughly through his disheveled hair. "What do you want? Just tell me what it is, so you can go back to Lissa and your guy." He frowned at the last words.

I don't really know why I did it, but a part of me decided to be cheeky. "I'm going to follow you until you love me."

He rolled his eyes. "Nice try."

"I'm serious." Actually, I kind of was.

His eyes diverted to the wine bottle on the sofa table then, which he, with a small shrug, went over to. "I don't believe you," he sang as he picked the bottle up to take a swig from it.

But what he hadn't counted on was me and my speed. I flew forward, grabbing a hold of it right as the neck touched his lips, immediately jerking it away from him.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he exclaimed.

"No more drinking," I told him, holding the bottle at arm's length.

He tried to dodge me and get to the wine, but he sorely underestimated me and my skills. I stepped back again as he tried to go for it, but after another failed attempt he just looked me over. The frown on his face deepened, and I saw that he realized that he wouldn't get his damn wine bottle back. There was no way in hell that that was going to happen on my watch. He couldn't run anymore, he couldn't escape reality anymore.

This was here, and this was now.

He groaned. "What do you want from me? Can't you just leave me alone already?" he cried, frustration on the verge of anger coloring his voice. "I thought it was perfectly clear that I don't want to talk to you."

I didn't budge. "But we need to talk about this, Adrian." I pushed.

He shook his head, not really looking at me. "I can't be your friend, if that's what you're here for."

I'd expected this, I'd known that he might say something like that, but no matter how much you expected something you couldn't always anticipate your body's reaction. I tried to shield myself from the hurt those words brought with them, but I couldn't entirely keep it from face; it hurt too much. "Why not? We were friends before..."

"Do you know what my problem is?" he said, catching me off guard because of his words.

I didn't have a chance to answer before he did so himself, not that I knew what to tell him. I didn't know exactly what was bothering him, if it was just our break-up that had taken its toll or if it was Spirit's effects that was beginning to show, despite his vices, or if it was both. Or if it was something else entirely. We hadn't talked in so long, but still I was sure that our break-up was one of the main problems for him, since it was still affecting me. While I'd been so gone for Dimitri, he'd been so, so gone for me. And he had been ever since we first met each other back at the ski lodge in Idaho, when we'd been there for security reasons after the Strigoi-attack. He'd come back with us to the Academy once the holidays were over, and I was sure he didn't just come because he wanted to study Spirit with Lissa.

He came because of me, hoping I'd abandon Dimitri for him. The studying of Spirit was most likely just a bonus to him, and something to do while I kept being unresponsive to his flirting. None of his charm had mattered to me while Dimitri had been there, because it wasn't til afterward - after Siberia - that I gave Adrian a chance. And that hadn't been entirely out of my own free will either since I'd promised him, in exchange for the money he lent me, that if/when I returned from killing off Dimitri, I'd be willing to date him. At the time he hadn't meant that much to me, but after I came back he really showed me how loyal he was. He was there for me and he didn't push me into doing anything I didn't want to do.

He really had kept himself in line of the dating proposal's rules.

So seeing him so broken nowadays really did made me feel guilty. This was all my fault, and so I had to be the one to fix him.

To fix us.

"My problem is me." Adrian told me, bringing me out of the slight reverie I'd been in. "Do you remember what I told you, how no matter what you would do to me, I would still keep coming back to you?"

I did, but I still didn't have a chance to speak up before he continued.

"I can't be your friend," he said. "because I. Can't. Let. You. Go! I want to, so badly - you have no idea how badly, but I can't. I'm addicted to you; your face, your hair, your voice..." his voice was getting strained and I could see just the amount of pain he really was in. And to know I was the reason behind it all was really weighing down my heart, and within seconds I could feel a lump in my throat form.

"Every woman I've been with since then..." he continued, looking away from me now. "I keep seeing your face instead of theirs. I can't be with someone else, because I can't get you out of my mind. I keep thinking about you... And seriously, little dhampir, you'd do best to just leave me alone. It's the best chance I have to forget about you."

He paused, trying to collect himself again. "But you being here now..." he trailed off, but he didn't have to finish for me to understand what the rest was. He sighed heavily, turning his head away yet again from me.

Me being here was damaging all the progress he'd made so far, even if the progress itself had been small. Arriving here, forcing my presence on him, just took him back several steps.

But just because I understood what he was saying, it didn't mean I wanted to believe it. But maybe it was just my selfishness that was talking, because I couldn't imagine a life without him. And his words now... that excluded me from his. We may not be anything more than friends – maybe not even that – but I didn't want a life without him in it.

"So, this is goodbye then?" I said, my voice no louder than a whisper. My heart thumped unevenly in my chest, knowing that this probably was it for us. He wanted to forget about me, and I was hindering him by staying here and forcing my company on him.

It was time for me to leave.

So it didn't surprise me that he didn't want to look at me, or that he didn't seem to want to answer either, but it still hurt. My eyes were beginning to burn more and more with every second that passed us by.

"Okay..." I said slowly after a few moments of sheer silence, taking a slow, deep breath. "Well, I'll be going then."

I strode forward to the door, hastily glancing back as I reached it. Adrian was standing – back facing the door, and me – by the window, looking outside. I couldn't quite make out his expression reflecting in the glass because of all the sunlight against it, but his back was rigid. Like a statue he stood there; so still and just as emotionless.

"Goodbye, Adrian." I murmured, wiping the stray tears away as I closed the door to my heart.

Oh noes, what's going on! ;|

Not a very long chapter, but the next one will surely be longer than this. I think. And that was a pretty mean cliffhanger, wasn't it?^^ But don't worry though, their journey hasn't ended just yet. I have a lot more in store for them! :)

For In Search of Peace-fans: As I'm updating this I'm at my sis' place, and apparently we won't be back home until late Monday. So... I'm not so sure how much writing will be done between now and then, so I can't promise "ISOP" will be updated before then, but I will be thinking about it and writing a little here and there. Just so you know.

Happy Easter everybody! :D

Please do take the extra sec to leave a lil comment! It'd be very much appreciated and it'd make my day :)