9. Professor Sean Garrity

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Birth Name: Sean Garrity

Ethnicity: Scottish

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Status: Divorced

Age: 37

Height: 5'9

Weight: 175

Eyes: Brown

Skin: White

Hair: Black and Grey

Waist: 36"

Chest: 42.5"

Arm Span: 69"

Occupation: Associate Professor, Theatre

Interests: Conspiracies, Theatre

Hookups: None

Family: Ex-Wife, William Garrity (Son)

Noteworthy: He used to be a student at Greendale who tried to get a free fake credit and got in over his head. He gave me acting lessons as compensation for damaging my car.

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"What in God's name!" The Dean shouted as he slammed his hands on the wheel in response to the sudden jolt that hit the side of his car. He turned and looked back, past the full Whole Foods bags in the backseat of his Prius, and he saw a man get out of a blue Accord and look at the damage. The Dean unlocked the door and stepped out of the car.

"Excuse me, sir!" He said to the slightly taller thirty-something man in the corduroy jacket who was looking at the door, "What did you do to my car!"

The man was looking down at the door still, and when the Dean looked down at it, he gasped and put his hand over his mouth; a dinner-plate sized dent a few inches deep marred the side of the passenger door of his environmentally-friendly car.

"That'll probably buff right out..." The man spoke in a deadpan voice; his voice was actually extremely eloquent and refined, and it somewhat softened the Dean's countenance.

"We should probably exchange information."

"Actually..." The man hesitated, "This cannot go through my insurance; I can't afford to take another hit, I already have five moving violations."

"Well it doesn't have to go through insurance if you were to pay me..."

"Yeah, that might be hard, too..."

"Oh." Dean Pelton, now getting visibly perturbed as he paused and put his hands on his hips, "Maybe I'll just call the cops and they haul you to jail, but neither of us wants that, now do we?"

The man turned to look at the Dean, extending a hand, "Sean Garrity."

"Dean Craig Pelton." The Dean replied as they shook hands.

"Wait...is your first name Dean or Craig?" The man asked, perplexed.

"It's Craig, I'm the Dean at Greendale Community College."

"Oh, no way. I did my Theatre Undergrad there before moving on to UC Boulder to get my Master's."

"You have a background in theatre?" The Dean inquired.

"That's right."

A light went on in the Dean's head at that moment as a potential resolution to the situation presented itself, "If you have no money, I think I know how you can compensate me for the damages...without running it through insurance."

The man narrowed his eyes and regarded the Dean with scrutiny, "...go on."

"I'm having some troubles with my family, they have a hard time coming to grips with my...you know what, it's not important..." The Dean looked for the words in his head, "If you give me acting lessons, I'll cover the repairs and we can put this unpleasantness behind us."

The man barely let the Dean finish before agreeing.

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The Dean is a terrible actor, but after six weeks of intense lessons four nights a week, he managed to finally confront his family about his proclivities. After seeing how professional Professor Garrity was and how confident he felt in his newfound acting skill, he offered to hire him on as an associate professor in the theatre department with full tenure.