7. Troy Barnes

XXX

Birth Name: Troy Barnes

Nicknames: T-Bone, The T-Bone Steak, Troy 'Buttsoup' Barnes

Ethnicity: Trinidadian

Sexual Orientation: Straight* (With an asterisk! - CP)

Status: Single

Age: 21

Height: 5'9

Weight: 170

Eyes: Brown

Skin: Black

Hair: Black

Waist: 34"

Chest: 44"

Arm Span: 70.5"

Program: Modern Dance

Interests: Football, Basketball, Girls, Butt Stuff, Dance, Hip Hop

Hookups: Abed Nadir (?), Britta Perry, At least half of the Cheerleading squad and as many faceless young women around campus.

Family: Unnamed Father, Estranged Mother

Noteworthy: Starting Quarterback for the Greendale Human Beings and a frequent star in his best friend Mr. Nadir's films. He also piloted the Greendale Space Simulator, discovered the secret trampoline, made a blanket fort and rigged the fire alarms with paint and saved the school from City College.

XXX

The date was March 23rd, and the location was the Greendale Thunderdome (sans dome)...the seats were packed, the crowd on both sides was wild and liquor flowed freely through the crowd, inciting a potentially-destructive state of mania that just teetered on the brink of happening (alcohol just makes the Dean sleepy...).

The large, brand new (and very expensive) LCD screen that functioned as a scoreboard read Human Beings: 19, Panthers: 24, as well as indicating that it was the 4th quarter and there was 31 seconds left on the clock. It was currently the third down. Greendale had possession.

This was HUGE for the Dean; this wasn't just any football game, it was the Division III qualifier. Greendale winning (and therefore moving up from Division IV to Division III) meant big things; exposure, accolades, acknowledgement...and above all of those, more money for the school's fledgling sports program. Sure, they weren't even close to the NCAA, but one of the goals that Craig Pelton set when he took tenure as Dean was to get Greendale into the NCAA; it was a lofty goal, but it certainly wasn't out of reach...was it?

Luckily, the Human Beings held possession, and perhaps with even more luck, they were just thirty-five yards from the Panthers' end-zone. It would seem far, but the Dean's Ace-in-the-hole was in a huddle with his teammates, no doubt feeling the intensity and the sheer magnitude of the moment.

Just as the Dean thought of the magnitude of the moment, he heard a distinct 'Pop Pop!' from a few rows down and the resulting cheers.

XXX

"Alright, I know it seems far, and like we have a lot of ground to cover...and we do..." Troy, sweaty, beaten up and tired, addressed his teammates, "Eric...you're the best runner on the team, I want you to sweep left and spread out the defense."

"Dude, I've been getting bashed in all day by that gorilla disguised as a OLT, I don't think I can make another run." The red-headed man responded, tired as sweat dripped from his brow.

"Eric!" Troy barked, taking a page from the Jeff Winger school of inspiration, "I KNOW you can! I wouldn't place my top Running Back in danger if I didn't think we had a shot at this...just trust me, okay? I've watched the defense drift right trying to contain Pavel all night...they'll never see it coming."

Eric looked resigned but accepting, "Alright..."

Troy placed his hand in the middle of the huddle, and one-by-one his teammates followed. When all of their hands were in place, a quick, perfunctory chant of "Human Beings!" followed as they dispersed to their positions.

XXX

As the Center hiked the ball back to Troy, the Dean closed his eyes and kept them closed. Where there was silence in the Greendale crowd at first, slowly a chorus of screams and cheers emerged, and he opened his eyes.

The first thing he remembers seeing is the ball leaving Troy's arm like a missile as he was tackled by two defenders. Time seemed to freeze as the ball, in a perfect spiral, flew through the air. #17, who he knew as red-headed Eric (his jersey number is exactly the same as his ranking on the list), broke free of the End and the Linebacker that were covering him and sprinted away, and turned his eyes to the sky and the ball. The entire stadium emitted a shocked gasp in unison as he reached for the heavens as the pass...

In one swift motion, he caught the pass and pulled it in, right at the seven-yard line and shook off the final Safety that tried to take him down. He raised his hand and the ball into the air as he crossed into the end-zone, and the scoreboard changed as the noise of the crowd became a thunderous medley of applause and cheers.

Human Beings: 25, Panthers: 24, 4th Quarter, 0:09...0:08...0:07...0:06...

XXX

Now the Dean wasn't a huge fan of Football (he preferred Speed Skating, Basketball and...ugh...Soccer), but that night, March 23rd, was one of his biggest triumphs; Greendale, now in Division III, was getting exposure and money...from out of state schools and organizations!

Even though his relationship with Abed was...well, a little bit strange, Troy was the first person on this list that also occupied a high spot on his companion list; 'Students and Faculty that can be useful to Greendale'. He finished his second glass of wine and went to his spacious granite island to pour a third.