2. Annie Edison
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Birth Name: Annie Edison
Ethnicity: French-Jewish
Sexual Orientation: Straight* (She very clearly did try to kiss Ms. Perry on Valentine's. - CP)
Status: Single
Age: 20
Height: 5'2
Weight: 95
Eyes: Blue
Skin: White
Hair: Brown
Bust: 32C
Waist: 24
Hips: 32
Program: Administration
Interests: School Work, Helping the School, the Twilight saga, Puppies, Politics, Paintball, Coldplay, Mark Ruffalo, Little Monsters on her Pens, Flowers, Butterflies, Older Men
Hookups: Vaughan Miller, Jeff Winger
Noteworthy: I really don't know what to make of Annie, probably because she's young and searching so even she doesn't know what to make of herself. She had an Ivy-League level GPA in high school, but ended up here because of an addiction to pills. She's volunteered to help the school in every which way (organizing the STD fair, joining Debate, helping with the school song, throwing a Mexican Halloween party, contributing to the school paper, volunteering for campus security, raising money for the Gulf Coast Oil Spill and staging an Anti-Drug play for at-risk Teens), but she's also shown some questionable ethics (Getting Chang fired, accusing me of Racism, kissing Jeff when she knew two other women were in love with him, sabotaging our Space-Shuttle launch and showing an embarrassing tape of Jeff Winger to win an election). Also, while she seems sweet and kind and modest, those three words are the last ones I'd use to describe both her disposition and her attire during the last paintball game. She lives in a small, squalid studio apartment above Dildopolis, a fact that I know because I ran into her once as I was leaving that store...
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"WHY WOULD PISTOL PATTY DO THIS!" The Dean yelled to no one as he strode through the rapidly deteriorating halls of the school, covered in paint and looking every bit as apocalyptic and ruined as they did last year. Even he himself had been hit by more than a few rounds of paint, a fact which he didn't truly appreciate in full until he passed a cracked mirror a few hallways back.
He was on his way to the school's loudspeaker system to declare the prize as bogus...last year, it took a month and over $25,000 to get the school clean, and it had cut so deeply into his budget that he had to remove five summer courses from the curriculum, in effect disappointing many of his students (or so he had imagined).
He sped his walk to a brisk run, and as he turned a corner, a steel door was thrown open by unseen hands, and he felt himself pulled into one of the science labs. Before he could regain his bearings and see who his assailant was, he heard the telltale 'click' of a hammer being cocked, and turned his eyes towards the direction of the sound.
He instantly recognized the face of Annie Edison, and he may have even superficially recognized the body, but something was different. Annie Edison was a very pretty girl, typically clad in her skirts and sweater sets with her hair pulled back with a smile that can't be washed away on her cheerful face, but today she was different. Her hair fell over her face, which instead of a smile held a determined scowl, and her outfit was the last thing he expected the conservative, straight-laced girl to even own, let-alone wear; an exceptionally tight sleeveless burgundy vest over a floral blouse that repressed a set of breasts that seemed too full for such a tiny girl, and her bottom was barely covered by fishnet nylons and eight-inch denim shorts. She caught him staring.
"My eyes are up here." She said with a menacing tone, tilting the barrel of her revolver upwards.
"Annie...that's a nice look for you." The Dean blushed.
"So I've been told..." She said with confidence and bravado, "I would prefer pants, but I need all the mobility I can get."
"What can I do for you?" He asked, a somewhat lecherous tone taking over his voice. She responded by lowering her gun and firing a single shot into his abdomen, at which he squealed girlishly. When he regained his bearings, she approached him.
"How could you let this happen?" She demanded.
"I had no idea that Pistol Patty would do that at the picnic!" He shrieked, "I mean, what kind of ice cream company DOES this?"
"Maybe next time you'll commence a more thorough background check." She said, deadpan and confident.
"Annie!"
She holstered her gun in pity, "I've been holed up in this science lab for three hours, and I'm getting hungry. I haven't had anything to eat since the free ice cream we got before everything went to hell. You're going to find me something to eat."
The Dean turned on his thinking face and tried to remember, "The only food I know of is the stuff we took in for the food drive...but I can't do that."
"I don't see any other options for you..."
"Annie!" He squealed again, "You really expect me to let you take the food that we've already designated for the homeless? The Fire Chief with the tattoos and the small scar across his forehead would never speak to me again!"
Coolly, she removed her pistol and placed a shot that grazed his temple and stuck to the wall just inches behind his head, before holstering the gun again, "That's not what I expect at all...I expect you to take some of that food and bring it back to me."
"And if I don't?"
"After emptying all of my clips into you, I'll tell Pierce you've been double-billing him for his classes, and then I'll tell Jeff about the Youtube montage you've made of him using your phone and the school's security system...what's that song it's set to called again?"
The Dean dropped his hands to his sides in defeat, "Gravity, by Sara Bareilles..."
"Get going..." She pointed towards the window. The Dean walked past her towards it, noticing the tin-can phones she had set up all over campus; as much as he liked confident, badass Annie, he much preferred the repressed, happy girl who couldn't say the word 'penis'.
"And don't try anything funny!" She barked as he exited the window.