Kaitlin POV
JJ knocked on the door.
"You can come in," I said quietly. She shut the door behind her after entering. She stood next to me and put her hand on my shoulder.
"Will just came and picked up Henry. If you want to stay here for a little longer, you can. If you want to go somewhere, just tell me where," JJ offered softly. I stood up suddenly and started to cry. JJ quickly wrapped me in a warm embrace and let me sob into her shoulder.
"Shh…shh…it's okay…i know it hurts," JJ whispered sweet, calming words into my ear.
"JJ, it's not okay. I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen," I confessed.
"Let what happen?" She asked as I let her go.
"I…wouldn't cry like this anymore. I'd be stronger…I wouldn't leave… I wouldn't let her get hurt," I listed.
"You are strong. One of the strongest girls I've ever met," she began.
"Besides Emily," I said smiling for a brief moment.
"Besides Emily," JJ said smiling as well, "you had to leave. You weren't safe here; you didn't have a choice. And, protecting Emily was not your responsibility. You're a kid. No one could have helped her. She didn't open up to us. She didn't tell us. I'm not saying this is her fault, but it most definitely is not yours," She assured me.
"I just…I don't know what to do anymore…" I admitted. "JJ. I'm freaking out. I'm breaking down. I can't let this happen," I said worriedly and hurriedly.
"I won't let it happen. I promise you. If I think you're breaking, I'll get some glue and fix you. If I think you're going to fall, I'll put a trampoline down to pad your landing, just in case. And when you do fall, you have six people ready to give up their lives to catch you," JJ finished. Then it happened again. The words wouldn't leave my lips. I didn't have any words to say, though. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know where to go. I could walk aimlessly. Where would I end up? Where could I go? Where would I go? I had so many questions. There were so many answers that I would never hear. Would I go to college? Should I go to college? Was there even a point? I hadn't even looked at schools yet. So many thoughts were running through my heads, but they were disturbed by yet another knock on the door. JJ looked at me.
"Come in," I allowed. Derek and Garcia were standing at the door. Garcia looked at me. She saw my red, puffy eyes, and sighed.
"Come here," she said, "I want to show you something." She held out her hand, waiting for me to hold on. Once I had grabbed hold, I didn't know if I could let go. She led me down the hall, with JJ and Derek following in silence. We got to a wall. There were pictures in shiny black frames of fallen agents. There, towards the end of the wall, was a picture of Emily. I smiled.
"There she is," Garcia said. I didn't know if she was referring to the picture or to me.
"Yeah…there she is," I said under my breath sentimentally.
There was a calming silence as we all stared at her beautiful picture. Her raven black hair, her bangs, her grin with her pearly white teeth showing, and her beautiful brown eyes. The way her hair framed her pale face. There were laugh lines trailing her forehead. I closed my eyes for a moment, picturing her standing there. I opened my eyes again. Then, Derek spoke.
"Come live with me," He said suddenly.
"What?" I asked, surprised.
"Come live with me. You don't want to go back to Seattle do you? We're you're family. We'll help you get into a good college," He said.
"Please!" Garcia begged. I looked at JJ, who agreed with the idea.
"I…alright," I said finally. Relieved at the decision. It was a good one. I knew it was.
"Yay!" Garcia said hugging me tightly. JJ smiled at me and gave me a quick squeeze, and then walked to go get the others.
"I love you, princess, you know that right?" Derek asked me, putting his arm around my shoulder.
"Yeah. I do," I said and then flashed back to a scene in a hospital.
"Hey, guys, JJ's all set to go home," I said looking at the tired FBI agents: Rossi's worn face, relieved that everyone was okay, Derek's previously worried look, settled and at ease, Hotch's weary and tense look, relieved by the news, Garcia's anxious look, calmed, and then Reid's face in a book, eased to see JJ would be okay. Then I looked at Emily. She smiled gently and looked at me. I smiled back slightly.
We all walked into JJ's room. Will handed her Henry. I looked around the room. Derek stood to the left of me and patted me on the shoulder. Emily stood to the right of me. She pulled me close to her in sort of a side hug. Reid was smiling at JJ, who was holding Henry. Garcia was standing on the other side of JJ smiling. Rossi stood next to Emily and patted her shoulder. Hotch stood smiling as well. We were all exhausted.
I looked at everyone and then I looked at Emily. I saw everyone's smiling faces. At that moment I knew that every one and everything would be okay because we loved eachother and we always would.
I was getting that warm, fuzzy feeling of home, that I hadn't had in such a long time, again. I smiled to myself. Things could be good again. But then I reminded my self that once you admit something is real and happening, it can be taken away. I cringed at the thought.
"What are you thinking about, princess?" Derek asked me. I sighed, but this time it wasn't a sad sigh, rather, a nostalgic one.
"After the bomb…at the hospital…when I ditched my crutches and hobbled in on my broken ankle and told everyone that JJ was cleared to go…" I said.
"I remember," He told me.
"Well, i was thinking about that. And that feeling I got…it was happy..it was warm…it was home…" I continued.
"Uh huh," He nodded.
"I'm getting it again," I said smiling.
"Me too, kid, me too," Derek said and gave me a squeeze. When he let go he asked, "Do you want to grab some dinner with me?"
"Yeah, sure. Thank you," I said smiling. Wondering if the others would mind us going alone, just to talk. We walked down the hall to the others.
We walked into the briefing room where the rest of my 'family' was waiting for me. I walked over to Rossi and he just gave me a hug.
"What was that for?" I asked laughing.
"I missed you!" Rossi said laughing as well.
"i missed you, too," I said. He squeezed my shoulder. Then a blonde woman, in her mid 20s, holding some paper work, walked in. She was tall, and she had freckles and a pretty smile.
"Hey, Ashley," Rossi said, still holding on to me.
"Hey, there," She began, and then she saw me, "Oh, gosh, am I interrupting something?"
"No, no, no," Rossi assured her, "Ash, this is Kaitlin Taylor. Kaitlin, this is Special Agent Ashley Seaver," Rossi said pushing the Special Agent part.
"Hi," I said holding out my hand. Ashley smiled as she shook it. Rossi looked at me to make sure it was okay, before introducing me further. I nodded. Ashley was obviously part of their team. She needed to know if I was going to be hanging around with them.
"Emily adopted Kaitlin, when she was fourteen," Rossi began, and then continued to explain why and how. He talked about me leaving because they had decided it was safer for me. When he was done, Ashley was smiling.
"I knew you looked kind of familiar," Ashley said.
"Huh?" I was confused.
"Emily…she had a picture of you on her desk," She turned to Hotch, "Is her stuff still…" Her face turned solemn.
"Yeah…it's still there," Hotch nodded. Ashley looked at me, to see if I was okay. I wanted to see the picture. I nodded and followed her out to the bullpen, and to Emily's desk. Ashley went into a drawer, and pulled out a black frame with the photo inside it.
"Here it is," She said gently handing it to me. I looked at it closely. Emily looked beautiful, with her raven locks framing her pale face. The laugh lines lining her forehead. Her dark brown eyes, happy. I looked like a teenager. I had just gotten my braces off, so my teeth were nice and straight, my long dark chocolate brown hair straightened, my tan skin shining from the way the light hit us, a plain light blue v neck tee shirt, and her FBI wind breaker jacket with the sleeves rolled up like Emily wore it, on me, and skinny jeans. She had her hand around my shoulder, holding me in a loving and playful way. I smiled probably more that day than I had in the longest time. I missed her. So much.
Ashley looked at me, probably to check and make sure I wasn't crying. I wasn't. I couldn't. I think I had maxed out of tears for my life. Instead I was smiling. Emily had made me safe after my family's death. I thought about my real mother. I missed her, too. I had done my best not to think about her, or my dad, or my brother. It hurt to much. I felt a warm salty tear drip on my cheek, but when Ashley looked at me again, I smiled. My brother…my poor little brother. He was in a better place now. They all were. And so was Emily. And that's what I would keep telling my self.
"Do you want it? You can have it," Hotch said, who had just walked up behind me.
"I can?" I asked.
"Of course," Hotch assured me, "She was your mother."
"Okay," I said in almost a whisper. Once again, I was trying to convince myself that this was all a dream. That I would wake up and my mom, dad and little brother would all be sitting in the living room watching tv, laughing and joking like normal. That we would be eating dinner and talking about our day at school and work, or that we would be hanging out outside playing basketball or catch. I used to convince my self of this a lot after they died. Then I realized that I couldn't believe something that wasn't real. I had to accept that they were gone. And yet now, once again, here I was, trying to convince myself that it was all just a bad dream. But it wasn't a dream. This was my life.
Derek put his hand on my shoulder.
"Ready, kid?" He asked me.
"Yeah…I am," I told him.
"Alrighty, why don't we go say goodbye. If you want, we can definitely stop by tomorrow. They'll all be here," Derek said smiling.
"Alright. Sounds good," I said walking away. I turned around to Ashley, "And Ashley?"
"Yeah?" She asked.
"Thank you." I said smiling.
"You're welcome," She said smiling back. Derek patted her on the shoulder as I went back to the briefing room.