Chapter 5

A/N: So, it's taken me a little while to update… Okay, quite a long while. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! Coming up to the end of the school year… Exam time. It's just wonderful… As is sarcasm.

I do not own Glee… But I WILL change that someday.

Thanks for reading and reviewing. You're all very good people. :)

Warning: Major angst.

Enjoy!

Jesse's expression was unreadable. They continued to stare into each other's eyes for a few moments, before Jesse closed his, pulling himself up into a sitting position ever so slowly. He massaged his temples with his fingers while Blaine stared anxiously up at him, awaiting a response.

Oh God, he thought. Did I seriously just say that? He's going to freak out. Why did I say that?

Jesse opened his eyes, glancing down at the other boy before quickly shifting his gaze to a spot on the far wall. "You don't mean that," he reasoned, exhaling heavily. "You were just… caught up in the moment."

Blaine considered this for a few seconds. He did mean it. He may not have intended to say it, but his mind was now screaming at him that it was true. He loved Jesse. He had loved him for a long time now.

"I did mean it," he said quietly.

Jesse shook his head.

"I did," he asserted, more firmly this time, his voice growing louder. "I meant it, Jesse. I love you." He sat up hurriedly, his hand moving to the small of the older boy's back.

Jesse jumped at his touch, standing up and yanking his boxers on. Blaine watched him intently as he began to pace back and forth, scratching his head and looking anywhere but at his best friend.

"You must have seen this coming," Blaine ventured. "I mean, come on Jesse, I've always adored you."

"You look up to me, Blaine."

"No. I don't. I mean... Even when we were kids, I never thought of you that way. I wasn't just following you around like some annoying little boy trying to be one of the older kids. We were always on the same level – you know that. It's one of the reasons why we're so close." Blaine was speaking rapidly now, the inner workings of his mind erupting from him without a second thought.

Jesse stopped pacing, observing the outbreak of words and emotions before him. He watched as Blaine allowed his feelings to spill out into the room, the atmosphere increasing in intensity with every syllable.

"We did everything together, Jesse. Yet I never got tired of you, not even for a second. Didn't you ever think that was a bit strange? We never fought – even when I was seven and you were nine, we never once argued. Pretty unusual, don't you think? But then, we never had a normal friendship."

Jesse gulped. For once, he had nothing to say.

"I was happy to keep things the way they were, though. I was fine being your best friend – I didn't need anything more, and I didn't want anything to go wrong. I didn't want to lose you." Blaine could hear his voice beginning to crack. He was always emotional after sex. It was probably to do with the fact that he only ever slept with one person, his true feelings for whom were usually kept bottled up inside him.

Suddenly, he became aware of his naked state. He grabbed a pillow from beside him, placing it awkwardly over his lap. "Ever since that first time we slept together last summer… I've been in love with you." Things were becoming perfectly clear in Blaine's head now. He knew exactly how he felt and what he wanted. The problem was that the clearer his feelings grew, the more muddled their relationship became.

The room was silent as Jesse pondered this for a moment. He moved cautiously back to the bed, perching on the edge of it, his back to Blaine. "I never should have let that happen… Last summer. I shouldn't have been your first. I… I was stupid. And irresponsible."

Blaine felt as if he had just been punched in the stomach. Jesse was regretting sleeping with him. He couldn't comprehend it. He had thought it so perfect, so right, that he was the one to take Blaine's virginity. He was still the only person with whom he had had sex. If he was completely honest, that's why he had been so formal and old-fashioned with Kurt. He wasn't ready to share such an experience with anyone else yet. He never felt quite as safe as when he was with Jesse.

Jesse turned his head to look at the younger boy. "This is all such a mess, Blainey," he whispered.

"Don't call me that," Blaine groaned. He had no idea what he was supposed to do now. Was Jesse regretting every time they had slept together, or just the fact that he had taken his best friend's virginity? He didn't want to ask. Either way, he didn't want to know the answer.

"Look," the older boy reasoned, turning his body so that he was sitting cross-legged, facing Blaine. "Next week, I'm going back to UCLA, and you… I mean, come on, Blaine! You have a boyfriend."

"But I'm so much closer to you." Blaine felt truly awful now. Not only was he betraying Kurt, but he was basically begging Jesse to reciprocate feelings which were already causing a major strain on their friendship.

He would soon be struggling to fight back tears – he could feel it. "Jesse," he declared defiantly. "Tell me, right now, that you don't love me back, and I promise never to bother you again."

Jesse face crumpled. He looked hurt… No, he looked scared. "Blaine…"

"Just say it," Blaine interrupted. "Please, just say it. Assure me that I have once again fallen for someone who doesn't really want me at all, and all of this has been for nothing."

Blaine was becoming increasingly more conscious of his nudity. He felt more vulnerable than he could ever remember being. Jesse shook his head slowly, reaching out a strong hand and placing it on Blaine's cheek.

"I don't know what to do, Blaine," he whispered, sounding more nervous than the infamous Jesse St. James would ever be with anyone other than the boy now staring into his eyes. "But I do love you." His voice cracked as he said this, and now Blaine really was fighting back tears. "Of course I do… God, I just... What the hell are we going to do?"

Blaine leaned in, planting a tender kiss on the familiar lips. Resting his forehead against Jesse's, he said softly, "I have absolutely no idea."

Jesse sighed, his eyes flickering over Blaine's body. "Well… I guess we should clean ourselves up," he murmured. Blaine smiled slightly. Jesse wiped away the single tear which had escaped Blaine's restraint. "Come on," he said, rising from the bed and dragging Blaine into the bathroom.

He turned on the shower, not letting go of Blaine's hand, and stepped under the warm stream of water, pulling the younger boy with him. The two simply stared at one another for a minute, allowing the pattering rhythm of the water to fill the silence. Jesse released Blaine's hand, replacing it with the shower gel he knew the smaller boy liked. Blaine grinned as Jesse's hands trailed over his body. It was as if his hands were washing away all of the worry and hurt, replacing it with a sense of love and security. Blaine returned the favour, relishing every scrap of contact with the smooth muscles of Jesse's tall frame. Their hands were gentler than they had been a mere half hour earlier, less urgent.

They took turns washing each other's hair, stopping frequently to allow their lips to meet, their kisses sweet and affectionate. It reminded Blaine of the first time they had kissed, all those years ago…

"So how was the party?" Blaine had asked glumly, wishing he could have been there with his friend.

"Are you still annoyed about that?" Jesse asked, tossing a rock carelessly into the river beside which they were sitting. "Blaine, I told you I would have brought you with me, but you're only twelve, and this was strictly teens only."

Blaine glared at him. "I'm not annoyed. I just don't see why you would even want to go to Tommy Carter's birthday. He's not even nice to you." Okay, maybe he was a little bit annoyed not to have been invited to a cool older kid's party along with his best friend, but it was true that Tommy hadn't been the kindest to Jesse. And Blaine didn't like it when people were unkind to his friend.

"Whatever!" Jesse rolled his eyes. "The party was awesome. There were girls there." Blaine snorted. Jesse had reached the stage where he considered girls to be superior to anything else on the planet. Blaine had not yet reached this stage (and never would). He took in the smug expression on his companion's face, and looked at him questioningly.

"We played Spin the Bottle," Jesse announced gleefully. "And I kissed Jenny Rogers!"

Blaine froze. "No way," he replied. "Why would you kiss Jenny Rogers? She's so annoying."

"But she's hot!" Jesse exclaimed, gratification emanating from his face. "And her lips tasted awesome!" He collapsed onto the grass, sighing in happiness.

"Eugh," was all Blaine could manage. "I can't believe you did that. That's disgusting."

Jesse rolled over onto his stomach, fixing Blaine with a patronising look. "You're only saying that because you've never kissed anyone before."

"I don't want to kiss anyone, Jesse," Blaine cried. "It's… just… it's so… yucky!"

Jesse rolled his eyes, chuckling lightly. "Yucky? God, Blaine, you're such a child." Suddenly, inspiration hit the handsome young teenager. He sat up on his knees, his mouth twitching into a subtle grin.

"What?" Blaine huffed, a light blush appearing on his cheeks from the stark contrast between his kissing experience (or lack thereof) and his best friend's.

All of a sudden, Jesse lunged at him, tacking the younger boy to the ground and pinning his arms down by his sides.

"Jesse!" Blaine yelled, "Stop it. Ugh, why are you so-"

His words were cut off by Jesse's lips on his. The kiss was sweet and innocent, and lasted no more than half a second. The older boy jumped up, chuckling. "There. Now you've kissed someone." And with that, he turned on his heels, trotted towards the nearest tree and started to climb.

Blaine sat up slowly, trying to make sense of what had just occurred. He brought a hand to his lips. They were still tingling. Hmm… Maybe kissing wasn't so bad after all. But, wait – You were meant to kiss girls. Girls were meant to make you feel this way.

"Are you coming or not, Anderson?"

"Um… Yeah," Blaine answered, standing up to join his friend in clambering up what would later become their tree.

The water stopped abruptly, pulling Blaine back to reality.

"You okay?" Jesse asked, moving them out of the shower and grabbing a couple of towels from the linen closet. "You were in your own little world for a while there."

"Yeah," Blaine smiled. "I'm good." Jesse finished wrapping a towel around himself and proceeded to do the same to Blaine, his fingers grazing lightly over the younger boy's waist as he did so. Blaine's smile grew wider, and he looped his arms around Jesse's tanned neck. "I love you," he muttered, a little awkwardly, tilting his head upwards to plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Yeah," Jesse sighed. "I know."

Blaine snorted, removing one hand from the back of the taller boy's neck to swat him playfully on the arm.

"And I love you," Jesse murmured.

They did love each other. All they had to do was figure out what the hell they were supposed to do now.