DEREK"S POV

-3 days later-

It had been a rough case, but finally we were home. I grabbed my bag from the BAU and headed home. I was excited to see Kaitlin again. Maybe we would go catch a movie and some dinner, or maybe we would save that for the next day, when I would be able to keep my eyes open. I unlocked my door and walked into my house.

'Kaitlin?" I called, but no answer. I walked into the kitchen and put my bags on the chair. Then I saw it. An envelope addressed to the team. On the front of the envelope it said: Even though I'm writing this to all of you, this is especially for you, Derek, and you JJ.

I knew it was from Kaitlin and I was scared. I didn't open the envelope. Instead I called everyone on the time. They had to come here and see this themselves.

Within minutes, the whole team was back at my house and so was JJ.

"Derek, what's wrong?" Rossi asked.

"It's a letter, from Kaitlin," I said sadly.

"Read it," Hotch said.

"Dear Derek, Spence, Garcia, Hotch, Dave, Ashley and JJ: This letter isn't written as an explanation because there is no way to explain myself fully even with words, so how could I ever even try to explain them with this ink and a scrap of paper? I'm not even sure I know why the hell I'm doing this. Is it for me? Is it for you? Or is it for something bigger than us?" I took a moment to absorb what i was reading aloud, then I continued.

"If JJ hasn't already told you what our fight was about, she probably doesn't want you to know. That's fine. You don't need to know. Just please don't ask her. Don't beg her to know and do NOT give her the cold shoulder if she won't say. Act like everything is normal and one day, it will be," I looked up from what I was reading. JJ was shaking.

"JJ, I'm so sorry I left the way I did. It still hurts me and I'm so sorry if it hurts you too. I left like Emily did. I'm realizing that now. I just…slipped away. Please remember to tell Henry I love him, because I really do," I paused again and looked at JJ, who looked like she couldn't breathe.

"This letter isn't an apology because this could in now way fix any of the pain I may have caused you all. If with words, I couldn't say 'I'm sorry' enough times, then this letter definitely cannot fix anything. Letters aren't for goodbyes either. So I guess that ins I'll be seeing you soon. I don't know how long it'll take me, because I don't know what I'm looking for exactly. I guess I'll know when I find it. And when I do find it, I'll come back. I'll take all the good memories of all of you with me wherever I go," I paused and looked at Garcia, who had tears flowing down her face, "I'm thankful for all the time that we have had together and I regret all the time we didn't get. Everything that's happened to me, everything we've gone through, I wouldn't want to change any of it and I could have done it without you all," I looked up again and saw Hotch, usually stoic, beginning to break, "So this isn't an explanation, this isn't an apology, and this isn't goodbye. This is a statement so that you all can maybe possibly understand what I'm feeling and what's running through my head right now, even thought I'm not totally sure. This is so you'll remember me as I was, and how much I cared for you all. So I'll see you soon and I love you all, Kaitlin3." I finished and dropped the letter.

I looked around. I was sure that they were all going to pass out. I couldn't breathe. JJ looked worse, Reid was blinking fast, like he did when he got super upset, and Garcia was a mess. Rossi looked hurt, Hotch, super serious, and Ashley, confused.

"Screw this," JJ said quietly and rushed out, slamming my door behind her.

"Aw, no…" I sighed, "Baby girl, you're one of her best friends. I don't think I know what to say to her…" I tried to explain to Garcia.

"Got it. Have no fear," Garcia said and walked out my door.

JJ POV

I climbed into my car and started it up. I turned behind me to see if there were any cars coming. Then the passenger door shut. It was Garcia.

"Garcia?" I asked wiping a tear away.

"Drive," Garcia permitted. I did. I pulled out of the driveway and started driving down the road.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

Garcia shrugged, "Wherever. We just need to talk," she said.

"Alright…about what?" I asked even though the answer was: duh, Kaitlin. There was silence. Like Garcia knew I didn't want to talk.

"JJ, why'd you storm out?" She asked me.

"C'mon, Garcia, you know why…" I said sadly.

"No, JJ, obviously I don't know. If i knew I wouldn't have asked," Garcia said.

"It's…it's…" I couldn't say it.

"Go on, honey. Tell me," Garcia said softly. I gripped the steering wheel tightly and faced straight forward.

"It's my fault that she's gone. If I hadn't…" I stopped knowing I couldn't even tell Garcia what was going on. I could only tell Hotch…it would be weird pouring out my problems to him…but I guess…I guess I would have to.

"What, honey?" Garcia asked.

'I…i can't say. But, this morning, the whole damn argument…i lied to her, Garcia, but it was to protect her! Just to protect her," I tried. Then I realized what I had to do. I slammed on my breaks and turned around back to Dereks house.

"It's not your fault. Whatever she had to do…it wasn't because of you," Garcia said. I pulled into Dereks driveway.

"Yeah. It is," I said getting out of the car. Garcia chased after me into Derek's house. I opened the door.

"JJ?" Dave asked.

"I have to tell you what's going on. I can't keep this any more. You don't deserve that. You need to know," I cried out to everyone. I turned to Hotch, "I'm sorry," I said. He shrugged.

"Emily's alive. She's alive. She faked her death so Doyle would leave us alone, so she wouldn't have to run and hide anymore. She's alive," I said. I felt awful saying it. For one thing, I could have just endangered her so much. For another thing, how would they all deal with this. I closed my eyes tightly. I waited for yelling, crying, screaming. Them telling how much they hated me for lying. Wanting to know where she was. I didn't know if I could take it. Then I opened my eyes and I stared at their faces, and this time I didn't think I couldn't breathe. I knew I couldn't breathe.