A/N: Hey guys! Here is another chapter of Hooked! I hope you enjoy everything! I really like this chapter, and I have a feelin next chapter is gonna be LOTS of Stella, so be excited :D
This chapter is dedicated to waterwicca, because she is amazing. If you haven't already read her story Past The Sorrow, about Kendall Knight and Sage Henderson, you MUST. Here is a tiny little snippet from CH4:
"Before the last 24 hours, I thought I knew what my life was and how it was going to be… except, now, I'm not sure of anything… but, I do know one thing without a doubt…" Sage paused, taking a deep breath and moving closer to him.
"What is it?" he spoke with expectant eyes and quick breaths.
"It's crazy," Sage warned with a shake of her head before looking him in the eyes again.
"What isn't lately?" Kendall asked rhetorically. He squeezed her hand for reassurance.
He waited relatively patiently for her to continue, feeling like he already knew in his heart what she would say, but still anticipated it like a child did Christmas morning.
Sage leaned forward, connecting their lips in a delicate kiss that Kendall returned gently until she leaned back.
"I love you," she spoke with a relieved smile, glad she was able to speak the words she hadn't said since her mother died years ago. Sage was pleased to find that it came easier for her than she thought it would be.
It seemed natural to love Kendall Knight.
He reached up to touch the side of her face. His hands could never seem to get enough of her. His smile was wide and ecstatic. He felt anxious and relaxed at the same time, but even the most confusing feelings felt right around Sage.
"I love you too," Kendall spoke with as much sincerity as Sage had.
Without waiting another moment, they propelled themselves forward, connecting their lips. Sage's tongue instantly found his as she moved to lean on her knees. It only took a second before she threw her leg over him so that she was straddling his lap.
Kendall pulled her against him while their tongues playfully battled for dominance, the kiss turning more feverish than ever before. Sage's left hand found his upper arm, pushing up the sleeve of his shirt to make skin contact with his strong bicep. Her other hand clutched the back of his neck, tugging on his hair gently, only making him hold her tighter.
He had one hand on Sage's hip while the other pressed into her lower back. He touched the hot, exposed skin between her jeans and shirt, pushing underneath the fabric slightly so that his whole hand burned. Both of them moved their hips instinctively against one another as they tried to deepen the kiss even more, only pulling away when they finally gave into their lungs' demands for oxygen.
Both teenagers stayed still, trying to make their breathing return to normal while continuing to clutch one another tightly. They lay their foreheads against each other's, waiting for their minds to clear.
Being together was like tunnel vision… Only the two of them mattered, and the rest was just background noise.
Yeah. So You have to read. You also have to read so-complicated's new story, Something To Sleep To. She is brand new to the fandom, and this is a brand new story, so PLEASE give her a warm welcome. I tell you, her story is definitely promising, for everyone in this community ;D
I don't own anything except for my OC's, Stella, the Treggers and Stephanie Carter ;D
Chapter Twelve: Simplicity
"Hi, Kendall."
Kendall whipped around feverishly from where he stood at his locker to see Stephanie Carter standing next to him. He took his Calculus book from the top shelf and closed it, as Stephanie sweetly smiled at him.
"Oh. Hi Stephanie," he said with a small, forced smile on his face.
It was the first day back for all the kids in the Duluth School District, and while most of them were readjusting to the New Year pretty well, Kendall definitely was not. Since walking into the doors at 7:55 this morning, schoolwork was only added to the laundry list of emotional baggage Kendall was carrying around. Between Katie still not talking to him, his mother's own emotional stress, the fact that he had his first therapy session after school today, and that he was awaiting Stella's letter all took an enormous toll on the sixteen year olds mind.
And now, he had to go to…Calculus.
"How was your vacation?" she asked politely, her sweet voice ringing in his ears.
It seemed like a simple, gracious, usual question that friends asked each other after an extended break. But to Kendall it was so much more. What hadn't happened to him over this vacation? He had been emotionally exhausted, fallen in love, lost his virginity, beat the shit out of someone he didn't even know….and the list went on. Kendall smirked a bit at the fact that this really was a New Year for him.
"It was…good," he said, finally settling on a word. How about yours?" he asked her, fastening his books under his arm.
Stephanie looked up into his green eyes and instantly got lost as always. Stephanie Carter was in Kendall's history and English class, and she had been irrevocably in love with him for the past two years. Even when he didn't have his beautiful, swept bang hair cut, and wasn't as jacked from hockey as he was now, Stephanie had always fawned over him, starting in eighth grade when he had stood up for her during recess. Some kids were making fun of her for the new metal on her mouth, when Kendall, who was still a Shorty at the time, had defended the small, gawky little brunette with his words, not his fists.
Only recently had Kendall began to show the littlest bit of interest in her. They had always talked and had been close friends, but since school had started, and Stephanie had lost the braces and the glasses, his eyes began to open up a bit. Sometimes, he would carry her books to class if they walked together, and a few times during lunch when James was busy singing, Carlos absent, and Logan studying in the library, they would eat together. Stephanie was thrilled at this, and Kendall had to admit, he had begun to have the tiniest bit of feelings for the bubbly brunette who always seemed to make him laugh.
Stephanie smiled at him, clutching her notebook and folder to her chest, biting her red glossed lower lip with a smile that seemed unable to be held back by anything.
"It was nice," she said simply, looking down at her boots and then back up at boy. She noticed the look in Kendall's eyes. It was translucent. It was as if she was invisible.
"So, remember how you said you maybe…wanted to go to the movies or something one weekend?" Stephanie said nervously, following a deep, breath of courage.
It was only then Kendall had realized what was happening, and why Stephanie looked so tense. His face dropped and so did his heart. He had totally forgotten all about Stephanie Carter, as well as everything else, the second he had seen Stella on that balcony.
It wasn't like the two were "exclusively texting", or he was bawling out his feelings to her. It was an innocent date that Kendall had proposed a few weeks before Christmas. He knew Stephanie had liked him for a long time, and he figured he'd give it a shot seeing as how they were talking more this year. He had never really been out on an actual date before, except once with Chrissy Jenkins. He thought it could be fun, seeing as he he'd never really had a normal relationship before. When he had told the guys, they all thought it would be a good idea, especially James who saw Stephanie's now good looks as the only real reason to go of course.
"Uh—yeah," Kendall said a bit nervously, scratching the back of his neck. He tried not to let his smile and eyes drop with uncertainty and guilt, but he couldn't help it.
Stephanie noticed instantly. After studying the once gawky, now chiseled and undeniably handsome face of Kendall Knight, for so many years, Stephanie read all his facial expressions like the back of her hand.
"I-I was just—I-I was wondering i-if maybe you wanted to go t-this weekend," Stephanie stumbled out, merely as a comment. She been able to keep her cool around Kendall the past two years, but now, acknowledging the fact that she liked Kendall to his face made her weak at the knees.
It wasn't a question. Why bother asking if she knew he was going to say no? Kendall's heart hurt him. He didn't want to upset Stephanie, especially when it was him who suggested the date in the first place.
But then, there was Stella. Beautiful, perfect, amazing Stella. Kendall couldn't imagine ever acting romantic towards anyone but her ever again possibly. Stephanie didn't have Stella's bright blue eyes, or soft blonde hair, or pursed pink lips. Stephanie was just…Stephanie.
He was stuck.
RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.Saved by the Bell.
Kendall looked at Stephanie with sad green eyes, as the brunettes large brown ones dropped the floor embarrassed and upset. She had been shot down, hadn't she? The poor girl had looked especially nice today too, hoping that maybe it would seal the deal for a date on Friday night with the Kendall Knight.
"Listen, can I text you or something later?" Kendall said uncontrollably with a goofy smile on his face. "I can't be late for Calc again," he chuckled out nervously, holding his books up with a nervous chuckle. He figured he could leave her hanging until he decided what to do about this mess. Great. Another thing to be stressed over this week. Stephanie looked up at him with a small smile, as if a light was bursting through her face. Well, he hadn't said no, right?
"Yeah. Sure, Kendall," she said with a smile and giddy voice. She allowed her brown eyes to linger on him once more, as she turned around on her heel and walked the opposite way. The boy took a deep breath and sighed, shaking his head, pushing his fingers through his hair nervously.
Kendall Knight couldn't bear to let down another person in his life.
"Dude, how can you NOT believe in aliens?" Carlos asked Logan, his mouth still full of corndogs. Logan chuckled, and took his nose from his book, looking at his foolish best friend with a smirk.
"First of all, eat with your mouth closed," Logan said. "And second of all, aliens are not real, Carlos. There is no scientific proof that there is anything but water and maybe some weird plant life on other planets," Logan stated logically, as if he were reading it straight of a textbook.
"Well then how do you explain all those weird rocks in England?" Carlos shot back with a confused grin, and a coy smile. Logan cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Stonehenge?" Logan asked with a small chuckle. Carlos nodded his head confused, not even knowing they had a name, and picked up his milk to take a sip.
"Well, scientists and historians believe that due to recent archaeological findings that—" but Logan was cut off by Carlos who was coughing up his milk obnoxiously, perhaps on purpose to get the smart boy to stop talking.
Logan sighed and shook his head and continued reading his book with an entertained smile on his face. James was looking over his fresh, new sheet music he had gotten from Mr. Gregory, the music teacher at Duluth, and Kendall sat there leaning lazily on his arm, poking at the potato chips he had for lunch.
The four boys sat at their normal, circular, maroon and yellow lunch table, as the noisy lunchroom patrons of Duluth High School's all four grades scattered all around them. Duluth High wasn't too much like other high schools, or the ones you see in the movies. The football players didn't hang out with just the football players, the cheerleaders weren't as cliquey as you'd think, and the nerds…well, they usually did hang out with the nerds, but that was the only real stereotype. Carlos, Kendall, Logan and James were friendly with a large percentage of the student body in Duluth High, which had made their high school experience all the more enjoyable the past year and a half.
James picked his head up from his music, a carrot between his pearly white teeth when his eyes caught Kendall's. The boy's eyes a were translucent, murky green, his brows in a sad, pathetic position, and he was chewing on his lower lip, deciding just which potato chip he should pick. He hadn't said a word all lunch period.
"Kendall," James said. Kendall lazily directed his up head towards James', no expression on his face whatsoever.
"Yeah?" he asked his friend.
James looked at him with a cocked eyebrow. "You okay, man?"
Kendall sighed and shrugged, his eyes going back down to his food. He hadn't gotten a free moment all day to think, and now with lunchtime, all he was doing was thinking. He was thinking about how Katie still wouldn't talk to him, how he hadn't gotten any word back from Stella, and how his first therapy session was after school today. And coming along with the added stress of course was finding out a way to totally crush a beautiful, innocent girl's heart.
Logan put his book down in concern and looked at his blonde friend with a small sympathetic frown. Logan could tell Kendall hadn't been the same since coming back from vacation. I mean besides the anger issues returning, even though the boys had had that nice talk at Mr. Knight's grave about Stella, and Kendall's anger, things still weren't right. Kendall still wasn't back to his normal self yet, and it showed in everything the boy did.
"Got a lot of stuff on my mind," Kendall said miserably with a deep sigh, finally choosing a potato chip and crunching on it loudly.
James, Carlos and Logan all exchanged sad, confused looks and then stared back at the boy. Logan closed his book, James put down his sheet music, and Carlos pushed his lunch aside a bit. They had figured going back to school might put Kendall back in his place as easy going, carefree hockey player whose smile could light up a room.
Not so much.
"Like what?" Carlos asked intently, his eyes shifting over to his unfinished sandwich. Kendall looked at the boy with sad, upset eyes.
It was a whole bunch of things, which the guys did know but probably had forgotten in the midst of their own lives. Kendall knew that telling his friends about all his ailments might not be the best thing right now, and might just get him even more worried. However, maybe they knew what to do about this whole Stephanie Carter situation.
"Well, you guys remember how I was kind talking about taking Stephanie Carter out on a date a few weeks back?" Kendall asked his friends with a small, concerned smile. The boys nodded and James raised his eyebrows with a smirk.
"Oh yeah, I remember," he added with a sly comment. Kendall rolled his eyes playfully and looked down, picking his fingernails nervously.
"She, uh, kinda asked me if I wanted to go to the movies this weekend, and I-I don't know what to tell her," Kendall said, his gaze returning to his friends. James chuckled a bit confused, Logan looked a bit confused as well but didn't show it as much, and Carlos' face looked full of tension.
"Uh…how about 'Yes. I'd love to go to the movies with you, you beautiful, sexy girl?'" James said with confidence, as if it was the most obvious choice and only answer. Kendall looked at James with a confused face, knowing his best friend obviously didn't get it.
"Didn't you kinda have a thing for Stephanie a few weeks back?" Logan asked intently, unscrewing the cap off of his water bottle and taking a large gulp. Kendall nodded shamefully, as if it was some kind of horrid act to like Stephanie Carter.
"I can't go out on a date with another girl guys, I'm in love with someone else," Kendall said softly, as Carlos nodded, being the only one of the three to truly understand who Kendall was talking about. James rolled his eyes which Kendall caught onto but ignored, and Logan just seemed confused.
"Did you propose the idea before break?" Logan asked. Kendall nodded and the smart boy sighed and made a sympathetic face. "That's a tough one, Kendall," Logan said leaning back in his chair.
Kendall sighed and ran his hands through his hair with a sigh. "I just don't know how to let her down easy. I mean, I-I can't go out on a date, and pretend to still feel something with her, when I have Stella," Kendall said miserably.
"Well, do you really have Stella?" Logan asked, regretting the question the second it came from his mouth. Kendall turned to him with wide, green eyes.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he snapped back at the smart boy with a menacing expression. Carlos and James looked at Logan with somewhat angry, disapproving, 'You just stepped into your grave' looks. Logan swallowed hard.
"I-I mean I-I just I-I didn't k-know—" Logan stumbled nervous as Kendall glared daggers at him.
"It's not like you'd be really going on a date Kendall. I mean, you can just hang out with Stephanie as a friend and catch a movie. You don't need to like kiss her, or anything like that," Carlos said encouragingly. Kendall sighed heavily and James' eyes lit up.
"What about if I took Amy Gellerman out and we went on sort of a double date. You know, as friends?" James asked Kendall with a smile, trying anyway to get to the boy to budge. Kendall sighed.
"I don't know guys, I just, I don't want to let her down, especially since I'm the one who said it in the first place," Kendall spoke softly and miserably. "But then there's Stella."
All three boys looked at each other with unsure faces. They understood that Kendall loved Stella, and had tried to support him the past few days he had been back, knowing the consequences if they didn't. But to have a relationship over letters? The boys had all seemed to silently agree that maybe Stella and Kendall, while in this "love", weren't going to last for each of their own reasons. When would be the next time she'd see him? And also, while most likely a sweet girl, she had been abused, had no family and no love. The boys had to be honest, she was pretty messed up from what Kendall told them, though they'd never dare tell him that. They'd do everything possible to make Kendall feel better, but truthfully, while trying their best, it was very, very hard for the boys' to truly believe in Stella and Kendall's love. They had all begun to take separate, persuasive ways to get him to stop thinking of Stella all the time.
"It's not like you're married to Stella, Kendall. And it's not like you're going to fall head over heels for Stephanie either. You're just making a promise to a friend," Carlos spoke softly. Logan nodded, having been quiet since his comment earlier.
"I guess," Kendall muttered out, scratching the back of his neck.
"And from what you've told us, I don't think Stella would mind you keeping a promise to a sweet girl. She knows you wouldn't do anything, and so do we," Logan spoke softly, trying to make-up for his comment. Kendall smiled softly at the boy and James interjected.
"I'm telling you. We'll double. I don't even like Amy that much, so it will really be just like a friends' sorta thing. And I know she's friends with Stephanie, so it all works out," he said with a bright smile.
Kendall turned to Carlos and the boy shrugged. "You're not the kinda guy that doesn't keep promises, Kendall," he said softly. Kendall closed his green eyes tightly.
"When is the next time I am going to be able to see you, Kendall Knight?" she said gently, looking down at their hands, and how absolutely delicious the warmth that radiated from his was. Kendall sighed and gave Stella small smile.
"I'll be up here again soon. I'll find a way. I promise you," he said sincerely, staring straight into her eyes. Stella nodded and stood straight up, taking Kendall with her, unexpectedly. The two lovers stood up, tight to one another as she Stella took him in her arms, and hugged his thin, slim body to her tightly, nuzzling her face in his warm, blue cardigan.His eyes shot open after a few seconds and he bit his lower lip, looking up at James.
"You guys think I should go?" he asked them, already knowing the answer. The three boys nodded and Kendall sighed, nodding his head and sitting up straight in his chair.
"Alright."
"So Kendall, how does that make you feel?"
The question every therapist seems to ask during the first session. Kendall Knight sat on the uncomfortable, leather sofa that Dr. Givens had in her office, Kim next to him holding his hand tightly. Kendall swallowed hard.
"Angry," he said with an attitude. Wasn't she supposed to know all of this?
Kendall sighed and sat back on the couch, as his mother gently rubbed his hand, trying to calm him down a bit. Dr. Given's office wasn't welcoming. It had dark, cherry wood paneled wood walls, black leather couches, and horrible fake plants scattered around. The lighting was horribly dim, and there were only two small windows in the office, giving Kendall some fresh air.
"Kendall, be nice," Kim whispered softly with an upset, fearful face as Dr. Givens wrote something down on the pad in front of her.
Dr. Janelle Givens had dark, straight black hair, piercing green emerald eyes covered by a pair of thick, black rimmed plastic glasses and a milky white complexion. She was tall, slim and could easily portray the sexy villainess in any of her male patient's wet dreams. Kendall was less than pleased with her since he had met her ten minutes ago.
"Well, why do you think you feel so "angry" about your father's death? Why "angry"? Why not "frustrated" or "sad" or "annoyed"?" she asked in her sweet, almost mocking tone of voice. Kendall bit his lower lip and looked at his mom with soulful green eyes, pleading her not to have to do this. Why was he here? He had expected therapy to be rough, but not this bad.
"I don't know. I'm just angry. He didn't deserve to die," Kendall responded with a bit of waver in his voice. Kim held his hand tighter, tears near coming to her own eyes as Kendall squeezed her hand back.
Dr. Givens nodded and wrote something else down as she looked up at the broken boy and his mother.
"Can you tell me exactly how you acted the two months following the accident?" she asked.
Kendall swallowed hard and hung his head, squeezing his mother's hand. He didn't want to answer this question at all. His own behavior had been so horrible those two months, and Kendall never wanted to relive it.
"I was a mess," he stated simply. Dr. Givens uncrossed, and re-crossed her legs the opposite way and gave him a questioning look, raising one, perfectly groomed black eyebrow.
"How so?" she asked. Kendall sighed and shifted uncomfortably on the couch, the leather squeaking a bit as Kim held onto his hand gently. Kendall didn't speak, his head still hung as he cleared his throat.
"I broke things, I yelled at people, I wouldn't come out of my room. I was so mad at everything that had happened, and I took it out on everyone and everything," he said softly, taking a deep breath.
"And why do you think you were acting out so much?" she asked with a cold, unfeeling cold of voice. Kendall's head which was hung, immediately sprung up and he looked her in the eye, his green eyes alit with fire, his breathing starting to hitch.
"Why do you think I was acting out so much? My father was killed," Kendall said gruffly with anger in his voice. Kim squeezed her son's hand, but he hit it away gently as Dr. Givens looked at him with comforting smile.
"I know, Kendall. And I understand that you are still angry about it, but what we are trying to do with these sessions is figure out why. Why do you get so angry? Why do you do things that are beyond your control? I want to help you," she said, reaching over and laying a hand on his thigh.
"Don't touch me," he said through a clenched jaw. Dr. Givens slowly took her hand away with a disapproving face on.
"Okay. I understand," she said nodding her head, writing away on her notebook pad as Kendall let out a small chuckle out of pure anger, his eyebrows furrowing.
"You…you understand? You understand?" Kendall said, his breathing heavy, his fists clenching. "Listen, I'm sorry lady, but you don't understand shit," he said. Kim took Kendall by the arm, and rubbed it gently, trying to get him to calm down.
"Kendall, stop it, just take a few deep breaths," Kim said worriedly in her son's ear, her heart beating fast. Kendall bit his lip and shook his head at Dr. Givens, turning to his mother.
"She 'understands' mom. She gets me. She gets the hell we went through after dad died. She gets the hell I go through every single day," Kendall yelled quietly at the doctor, as Dr. Givens face started to change from know it all psych to nervous doctor.
"Kendall, I didn't mean I understand what you are going through. I meant that I understand that you are angry right now, and that you don't want to talk about these things, and that's okay. It's alright. It's only the first session. We're not going to make a breakthrough in the first session," Dr. Givens said softly, talking to both Kendall and Kim.
Dr. Givens sat back in her chair, putting her notepad beside her and smiled at the mother-son team who sat there in silence, Kendall trying to calm himself down. All was silent for a few moments before she finally spoke again.
"You know what, why don't we spend the rest of the twenty minutes getting to know each other," Dr. Givens said with a small smile, Kendall looking at her with hatred, but hoping that maybe this would be a bit better then talking about his father. There were only twenty minutes left, what could go wrong that hadn't already?
"Fine," he said stoically. Dr. Givens smiled.
"So, do you go to Duluth High?" she asked with a more warm, friendly but obviously fake smile. Kendall nodded and she smiled.
"I went there too. I played volleyball and field hockey. You play any sports?" she asked. Kendall nodded as Kim squeezed his hand tightly. "Hockey," he said in a small, timid voice, clearing his throat.
"That's cool. You have a lot of friends on the team?" she asked, re-crossing her legs and smiling, clasping her hands in front of her. Kendall nodded and ran his hand through his hair, slowly taking his other hand from his mothers.
"Yeah. I'm friends with all the guys, but my three best friends are on the team," he said gruffly.
"Well that's good. What are their names?" she asked politely. Kendall sat back a bit on the sofa and cracked his neck a bit, trying to get a bit more comfortable.
"Uh, James, Carlos and Logan," he said softly, with a small smile. Dr. Givens instantly found the boy's comfort zone and decided to stick with it, hoping she'd get at least some clue unto what lie underneath the walls Kendall Knight put up.
"Can you tell me about them? You seem pretty happy to talk about them," she said with a smile. Kendall sat forward, leaning his forearms on his thighs, Kim smiling a bit, a hand going to her son's shoulder, holding it tightly.
"Well Logan is really smart. Probably the smartest in the grade. And he's really logical when it comes to me and the rest of the guys doing crazy stuff. He's also really close to his father," Kendall said. Dr. Givens nodded and smiled.
"And Carlos and James?" she asked.
Kendall licked his lips with a small smile. "Carlos…well, Carlos is hyperactive. He's always energetic, always up to try new things, and he seems to never be upset. And when he is, it's usually something to do with his mother and father. They're divorced," Kendall spoke softly. He had no idea why he was telling this cold hearted, stranger about his best friends, but he figured the more he told about them, the less focus was on him.
"And James. James is a born performer. He sings, dances, acts, you name it. He's really popular with all the girls in the school too. He's had a lot of…girlfriends," Kendall said, making sure to not oust James' rapidly increasing sexual activity to his mother.
"Well they sound like great best friends," Dr. Givens said with a smile. Kendall nodded and gave her a bit of a smile, nodding his head.
"They're like brothers to me," Kendall said slowly with concentration, nodding his head. Dr. Givens smiled, for the millionth time in the last minute or so as Kendall took a deep sigh.
"So Kendall, do you have a girlfriend?" Dr. Givens asked with a smirk, her soft voice starting to soothe Kendall's ears. It was like he was being taken over or something. Kendall's face lit up a bit with the question and he chuckled, closing his eyes and getting lost in the vision of beautiful, amazing Stella.
"Yes, I do," he mumbled out, between barely open lips, eyes still closed.
Then he felt a squeeze on his shoulder.
Shit. He had forgotten his mother was here.
"You—you have a girlfriend?" Kim asked her son with a soft, prideful, surprised whisper.
Kendall licked his lips, his heart beating across his ribcage. He looked at Dr. Givens, who seemed to be content with his response, as if she had gotten something out of him that would help her. Maybe this therapist was some kind of witch, who had made Kendall admit to his girlfriend, because quite frankly, Kendall didn't want to tell this bitch anything. How had she even gotten responses about Carlos, James and Logan out of him?
Kendall turned to his mother, with a nervous, blushing grin, his green eyes pleading with her blue ones to drop it. Kim understood and nodded with a small smile on her face, as she touched the nape of Kendall's neck affectionately.
About thirty or so questions later, none about his girlfriend of course, Kendall's first therapy session was over, and God, he had never wanted to get out of somewhere so bad in his entire life.
The second Kendall had stepped out of Dr. Given's office into the hallway of the medical plaza she was in, Kim smirked at her son, jingling her car keys in her hand. They walked down the carpeted, wood paneled hallway and Kim sighed.
"Sweetie, you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend," Kim said excitedly turning to look at her son.
Kendall had his hands stuffed into his pockets, his head down as he watched his converse take each step with his feet. He knew this was going to come up after the explosive therapy session he just endured, he just figured maybe his mother would wait a bit to bring it up. But no, of course not. It was actually better this than talking about how he basically cursed out his therapist, which Kim had basically ignored.
Dr. Givens had told her to have Kendall focus more on the good, than the bad. They had a quick talk in her office privately as Kendall stayed in the waiting room, which was even smaller and less comfortable than the actual office. Dr. Givens told Kim that an outburst like that was normal, especially since Kendall's anger had been known to be intense, and then immediately die down within the matter of seconds.
"Well I-I kinda do," Kendall said with a small smile on his face, and a slight chuckle in his voice.
"Who is she, baby? Tell me," Kim said excitedly, wrapping an arm around her son's waist, and nestling into him. Kendall surprisingly responded with a small smile, taking in his mother's warmth and auburn hair as he swallowed hard. His eyes got wide and he silently cursed himself for a moment.
He couldn't tell his mom he was dating "Kacey". First of all, if he did, he knew his mother would be on the phone calling Jenny Tregger asking her about the beautiful blonde, and that Jenny would have no answers. Stella's house wasn't there for her anymore, and Kendall had no idea where she was staying. He just prayed that she had gotten his letter, and that maybe hers was on its way to him now.
Second of all, he had already texted Stephanie and told her about going to the movies this Friday night, and it's not like Kendall could tell his mother he had a girlfriend up in Thief River Falls, and then go out on a date with a bubbly brunette at the end of the week.
"S-Stephanie Carter," Kendall whispered out softly, shutting his eyes tightly and cursing himself even more.
It hurt to lie, but it was either lie, or tell his mother he was in love with a runaway, the latter not being an option. It hurt even more to say that Stephanie was his girlfriend when clearly they were just friends, and that Stella seemed like she ceased to exist lately. Stella was more than just Kendall's girlfriend. Stella was the love of Kendall Knight's life.
"Is she cute?" Kim asked with a smile, hugging her son even closer as they continued their trek down the never ending hallway.
Kendall licked his lips, wishing he was talking about Stella to his mother. He honestly would love to. He'd love to tell his mother all about how amazing she was, how she made him feel, how he understood what his mother had experienced with his father, but he couldn't.
"Yeah. I guess," Kendall said, trying to act as enthused as possible, seeing as how he had just told his mother he had a girlfriend that he barely wanted to go out with in the first place.
Kim chuckled as they came to the elevator, and Kim pressed the down button turning to Kendall with a smile.
"So when do I get to meet her?" Kim asked with a smile as they waited for the elevator to reach their floor, hoping it would excite Kendall and get him to talk, something she had been trying to work on since she noticed his anger nearly a year ago.
"Ma, it's kinda—new. I mean, she's not really my 'girlfriend' yet, but I'm going out with her on Friday night," Kendall said nervously, trying in any shape or form to further degrade Stephanie's title of "girlfriend".
"Oh," Kim said softly, her eyes going to the floor as the elevator opened. Mother and son walked in, Kim pressing the Lobby button as the doors closed in front of them.
"Well, I hope you have a good time then," Kim said with a small smile, looking up at her son brightly, holding his arm tightly. Kendall nodded, and took a deep breath closing his eyes as they made their descent down to the real world.
"Why you lookin' so glum K-Dawg? Aren't you excited for this date tonight?" James asked his best friend, looking in the mirror with a smile fixing the collar of his jacket.
James ran his fingers through his luscious chestnut brown locks taking in his own handsome reflection and practicing his different types of smiles and laughing heartily, making sure he had what the boy referred to as "the fire".
Kendall had to admit, if anyone in their school could be famous, it would be James. The kid had leads in all the school plays since he was five, he was in three different advanced choir classes in school and to top it all off he had the beautiful, flawless face for it.
James had dreams to be a movie star, or a pop star since he was young enough to reach the tabloid magazines on the living room table. James Diamond wanted nothing more than fame, fortune, and an endless supply of women, the last one seemingly coming true as he got taller, and more experienced. And truthfully, Kendall believed in his best friend's abilities to get all of it and more. James would never let anything stop his dreams.
Kendall admired that.
Kendall sat on James' bed, looking down at his own wardrobe. He had worn gray skinny jeans, a turquoise t-shirt with a black and grey design and a black sweat jacket over it with Vans. He hadn't really wanted to get too dressed up, like James who was wearing his best leather jacket, a red shirt, blue jeans and expensive French loafers his mother had gotten him last year for Christmas.
"Not really," Kendall said with a small chuckle, his eyes caught on the grey carpet of James' room. Kendall sighed, and licked his lips nervously as he watched James get dressed up in front of the mirror. He had been abnormally quiet all day, and James knew exactly why.
Kendall still hadn't gotten a letter from Stella.
It had been nearly a week, and still nothing. Kendall would race home from school every day, park in the drive way, shut off his car and literally jump out of it to get to the mailbox three seconds earlier than he would if walking. But every day it was just coupons, bills and…more bills.
No love letters.
No sign of Stella.
James turned to his best friend with a small, sympathetic smile. He came over to his bed, and sat down next to Kendall, putting an arm around him with a smile. He knew Kendall was hurting from all of this, and it killed him to see his friend suffering so much. Every day he didn't get a letter, or word back from Stella, he seemed to get more and more depressed, and seemed to dread this date more and more.
James' wanted tonight to be fun. Kendall had been through enough shit the past year and a half, and now he was burdened with this runaway girl. He wanted his best to friend to more relaxed about life, and not be so down all the time, especially about something as silly a girl. Ever since he had returned from vacation, he had returned back to the state he was a few months after his father's accident. James was sure it had something to do with this "love" he had found. Out of the three boys, James felt he was the most skeptical of it.
Alone, heartbroken, depressed and unsure.
"Listen buddy, you should enjoy tonight. It'll be nice going out with a new girl," he said with a small smile, patting his back. Kendall shook his head, hanging it and then staring straight ahead out James' window, his expression blank.
"Why do you think I haven't gotten a letter back, James? Do you think she's alright?" Kendall asked turning to his friend with desperation written all over his face. James sighed and looked at Kendall, trying his hardest to put his smile on.
"I'm sure she is fine, Kendall. But the more you worry about getting that letter, or hearing back from her, the more upset you are going to be," James said. He took Kendall by the shoulder and shook him back and forth a bit with a playful smile. "Come on, buddy. We're going to have a nice, innocent time with two beautiful girls. If you act miserable the whole night, you're not gonna hurt anybody but yourself, and Stephanie," James added reinforcing his guilt trip.
Kendall sighed and nodded, feeling bad for Stephanie Carter. He had agreed to go on this date. Heck, he had asked her on this date. And James was right. If he was just miserable the entire time, it was only going to make things worse.
"I'll try," Kendall said softly, James cupping his shoulder and smiling.
"That's my boy," James said with a chuckle, getting up from the bed and turning to him. He sighed deeply and looked at the digital clock across his room and then looked back at Kendall.
"You ready to pick up the girls, dude?" James asked Kendall with a smile. Kendall nodded, and stood from the bed, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. He pulled on his winter jacket, dipping in the pocket for his keys as James pulled on his scarf and jacket.
Kendall was going try to have a good time tonight. He only needed to do one thing.
Somehow, forget about Stella.
Kendall and Stephanie stood next to each other in the box office line, as James paid for he and Amy's tickets in front of them. Luckily, Stephanie hadn't been awkward about this night in any sense of the word so far. Even though Kendall could tell she was extremely nervous, she had tried her best not to stutter, and keep the conversation as friendly as possible, making sure there were no awkward silences or anything like that. However Kendall wasn't doing his part whatsoever, barely talking to the beautiful girl beside him.
Kendall saw how James' hand rested on the small of Amy's back quite tenderly and his face dropped a bit. He looked next to him and saw how Stephanie stood nervously fidgeting with her fingers, not knowing what to do with her hands. Kendall thought it might fare well for him to put his arm around the girl's shoulders and make her feel a bit more comfortable, but instantly, Stella came to his mind.
As James and Amy stepped back from the teller, their tickets in hand, James looked at Kendall with a straight faced smirk. He gripped Amy tighter to him by the waist and gave Kendall a wide eyed look, telling him to pick up his game. He was wondering why the boy was just standing there, barely paying any attention to his date since they had picked the girls up at Amy's a half an hour ago.
"We'll be at the snack line, okay bro?" James said. Kendall nodded as him and Stephanie stepped up to the box office.
"Hello, how may I help you this evening?" the geeky, awkward teller spoke with a smile.
"Uh…two for Hindsight, please," Kendall said to the teller with a smile. Stephanie began to take her out wallet quietly and Kendall turned to her with a raised eyebrow.
"What are you doing?" he asked her with a chuckle, trying to make his voice sound as sweet as possible. Stephanie looked up at him with nervous, saddened brown eyes.
"Getting money for my ticket," she said simply, as if she hadn't fathomed that Kendall would pay for her. At first she had to admit, it seemed like she was going to be out twenty-bucks for a movie she didn't even really want to see.
"Don't be silly," Kendall said with a slight chuckle, fishing into his back pocket for his wallet. He took it out and leafed through it, taking out a twenty dollar bill and handing it to the teller with a smile on his face.
"Well that's very sweet of you, Kendall. Thank you," Stephanie said in a polite, adorable voice.
Kendall smiled at how absolutely bashful she was being. He got the two tickets and his change back, as he looked at Stephanie with a nervous smile. She looked at him back with the same, bubbly, nervous expression she always donned as they made their way to the snack line.
They walked to where the man collected the ticket stubs, and after tearing them off, Kendall gave Stephanie hers back, gently touching her hand in the process. He immediately grew stiff upon touching her warm soft, hand, expecting to look up and see the beautiful, blonde hair and blue eyes of Stella.
No such luck.
Kendall's breathing sped up a bit and he swallowed hard, touching the back of his head nervously, his words stumbling.
"D-do you want s-something to drink or something?" he asked with a small, adorably goofy smile. Stephanie smiled back and gave him a chuckle nodding her head no.
"No, it's fine. But thanks for being a gentlemen and asking," she said with a bit of flirtatiousness in her voice, leaning into Kendall a bit, and touching his arm.
He dug his hands into his pockets immediately, as they waited for James' and Amy who seemed pretty enthralled in another at the moment. The group of four had picked a seat in the left wing of the tiny, crowded theater, close to the back by James' request, and Kendall knew why.
About ten minutes into the movie, Kendall, who sat next to James and Amy, heard the ever so familiar sound of "James and a girl making out". Kendall could hear the slight stifled moans, quiet giggles and the smacking of tongues and lips as if it was the only thing his mind could process. It wasn't even like Kendall could move down a seat or two, because next to Stephanie, who was next to him, sat another couple who seemed to have the same idea as James and Amy.
Kendall felt awkward as could be, trying to concentrate on this movie as Stephanie shifted uncomfortably in her seat. It wasn't even like the two could move up a row, since nearly every seat in the theater was taken. This was a late showing of Hindsight, a movie that had just come out that day.
Kendall closed his eyes and tried to block out the disturbing noises he heard on either side of him, clutching the arm rest of the seat tightly. A few seconds later, Kendall felt Stephanie's warm hand on top of his, and he turned to her surprised. She looked in his green eyes, his face half illuminated by the movie screen, and tried to read him the best she could.
The boy had looked confused, lost and upset since he got here. Everything reminded him of Stella. The sounds of James and Amy kissing, the touch of Stephanie's hand, even the sound of his own heavy breathing. Stella had not only taken the boys heart, but his mind as well.
Stephanie slowly stroked Kendall's hand, trying her best to get him to make some sort of move, even if it was just an arm around her shoulder but he did nothing. He took his hand away from hers slowly, and scratched the back of his neck, settling his arm down by his side and sticking his hand in his pocket. Stephanie sighed deeply, a bit upset by this as they watched the rest of the movie in complete silence.
After tearing James and Amy apart from one another during the credits, the gang headed home, an obvious, stressful silence between Stephanie and Kendall in the front seat of his Chevy, as James and Amy replayed the movie theater in the back seat. Kendall tried keeping his eyes on the road the entire time, his mind gone, as Stephanie looked out the window lazily, tears springing to her eyes. She had finally gone on a date with the Kendall Knight, the Kendall Knight who had seemed so absolutely interested before they broke for school and now…she felt as if she had imagined it all.
Kendall dropped off Amy first, James leaving the spicy redhead with a long lingering kiss, and an affectionate touch on the chin. Then, they drove to James', the boy sensing the tension between them from the backseat, trying to break it with conversation about school and his vacation. James was a bit disappointed in Kendall's behavior all night, especially since he knew Stephanie was absolutely miserable, and that Kendall hadn't stopped thinking of Stella.
As they dropped of James, the pretty boy got out of the car, thanking Kendall for the ride and bidding Stephanie a sweet goodnight. He went around the car to Kendall's window and hit it with his knuckle. Kendall rolled the window down with an odd face as James gave him an annoyed, hurtful expression.
"Text me later, kay?" James said with wide angry hazel eyes. Kendall nodded with a frown on, knowing just what James' was going to say to him.
A painfully silent five minutes later, Kendall shut off the car as they pulled up to Stephanie's small little green house.
Stephanie took her gaze from the car window and turned to him with watery eyes, a tear streak silently falling down her face. With one look in her eyes, Kendall knew that going on this date was definitely not the best idea. He sighed deeply, and unbuckled himself from the car, opening the door and getting out. Kendall, like the gentlemen he was opened the car door for the brunette, as she stepped out onto the curb with a slight, sad smile. He closed the door behind her as he sheepishly walked her up to the red door of her house. After what seemed like minutes, they finally got to her cement porch, and Stephanie turned to Kendall, the cold chill rippling through her brown hair, stinging the dry tears on her cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Stephanie," Kendall muttered out miserably, hands in his pockets, looking down at his Vans. He looked back up at her and she looked at him confused.
"Why are you apologizing, Kendall?" she asked him softly, knowing exactly why he was apologizing, but feigning it. Kendall sighed deeply and moved closer to her with sad green eyes.
"Look at you, Steph. You look absolutely gorgeous tonight," Kendall said motioning to her carefully picked ensemble. "You're so sweet and kind, you have a laugh and smile that could light up a room, and I'm the asshole who took you out on a horrible date, and made you cry," he said, reaching up to her cheek and wiping the freshly fallen tear.
Kendall felt like an entire mix of every emotion in the book right now. Stephanie bowed her head, trying her best to regain her composure. She couldn't be an emotional mess like this; it would just make things worse for both parties.
Stephanie couldn't argue with Kendall. The date had been pretty horrible, and yes he had made her cry. Kendall swallowed hard, trying to get the courage in him to continue.
"Listen, Stephanie, it's not you. When I asked you out on a date before break, I really did like you, and if we had gone out before then, I guarantee we would've been doing exactly what James and Amy were doing in that movie theater, maybe in somewhere a bit more private…and a little less intense of course," Kendall joked out, knowing Stephanie had a good sense of humor. She chuckled a bit looking up into his eyes, just wanting to know why.
"What changed?" she asked softly, the wind whipping around her hair, the silence of the night running through each of their bodies like cold blood. Kendall sighed and looked at her with a small smile. He knew it probably wasn't the smartest, or the best thing to say, but it was the truth. And Kendall needed to stop lying.
"I fell in love," Kendall simply stated with a small smile, talking his heart out. "You may think it's stupid, and not true, and foolish, but I know it's real. And I—I just couldn't do that to her," Kendall said with a deep sigh, as if Stephanie knew exactly who Stella was and their history. Stephanie looked up at Kendall surprised with wide brown eyes.
Stephanie was in love. She was in love the boy who stood before her. She had been in love with him for two long years. She understood. She could never hurt Kendall. And even though her love wasn't as strong, or mutual like Kendall and Stella's, and that it would probably pass in the next year or two, Stephanie knew that no matter what, when you do love a person, it's near impossible to hurt them, to even think of hurting them. She swallowed hard and was silent as Kendall leaned down and placed a soft, sweet kiss on her cheek, Stephanie's heart rising up in her chest with the touch of Kendall's lips to her skin. She felt his soft stubble graze against her smooth face as he retreated back and she smiled a bit. He tilted her chin up towards his and smiled.
"You're a beautiful, perfect girl, Stephanie. And you'll find the right guy, I promise you," Kendall spoke softly.
Stephanie nodded, as Kendall bit his lip, his heart beating out of his chest. He moved even closer to her and threw his arms around her, hugging her tightly, as she took in the scent of him, and his warmth.
"Just please, don't go anywhere near James. You're too good for him," Kendall chuckled in her ear with a smile. Stephanie smiled and nodded as Kendall gave her one last smile.
"Thank you, Kendall. For being a gentleman about everything that happened," she said lowly, as if she had already been trying to erase the night from her mind.
"Not a problem," Kendall said bashfully, sticking his hands in his pockets.
It was near 11:00 when Kendall walked in the door from the bitter cold, swinging his car keys on his hand lazily. He shut the door with a slam, taking off his coat, and placing it on the coat rack beside his front door. His mother sat at the kitchen table, doing a crossword with a cup of tea at her side, clad in her bathrobe with slippers.
"Kendall?" she asked confused, as the troubled boy walked into the kitchen slowly, with an upset face on. Kim immediately sensed something wrong as he sat down at the table with sigh, throwing his keys carelessly, and sitting back in his chair.
"I guess the date didn't go very well?" Kim asked him with a frown, taking a sip of tea and putting down the pen. Kendall nodded no with a small smile.
"Eh, it's alright. It wouldn't have worked out anyway," he said lowly, his gaze directed at the white kitchen table. Kim frowned and leaned out, touching his arm soothingly.
"It's okay, sweetheart. There are tons of other fish in the sea," Kim said with a smile, trying to evoke the same response out of her broken, depressed son. Kendall gave her a small smile and nodded, his mind on one fish in particular.
"I know. Thanks mom," he said, pushing himself up out of his seat with a loud groan. He came over to her, and leaned down, kissing her hair gently.
"And thanks for waiting up," he added softly, resting his hand on her upper back.
Kim smiled up at him and made a 'come hither' motion with her finger. He leaned down and Kim took her son's face one hand and swooped his face to hers giving him a loving peck on the cheek. Kendall pulled from her with a small smile.
"Goodnight, Kendall," she said with a small smile. Kendall nodded and bid her a final good night as he dragged himself up the carpeted stairs of his house, to his room. As he walked down the hallway, he passed Katie's door, and instantly slowed down.
He hadn't even talked to his little sister since his outburst at her days earlier. He wanted nothing more than to hold her tiny little frame in his arms, and tell her everything was going to be okay. But she hadn't come to him yet. He had tried to come to her on New Year's Eve with the pots and pans, but she was already asleep, and obviously not ready for him yet. It killed Kendall inside not talking to the only other person who could really and truly understand what it was like to lose a father.
As he approached her door, he heard slight sniffles and cries from her room. He cocked an eyebrow and slowly, but surely peeked his head in the small crease in the door, and saw Katie laying in bed, her back to him huddled up in a ball. Kendall looked at how her long brown hair covered her shaking back, rising and falling with her cries, the moonlight from the window falling on her frame, the purple of her room creating an eerie sort of atmosphere. It broke Kendall's heart to see his little sister like this. Katie needed someone right now.
She needed her Big Brother.
Kendall slowly slipped into her room, his sneakers gentle against the white carpet, as he made his way to the far side of her bed. He bit his lip, heart pounding against his ribcage, as he slowly kneeled down next to Katie whose brown eyes were full of tears, her pillow wet. Her wispy brown bangs hung in front of her eyes as Kendall cautiously reached out to touch her shoulder and she looked up at him scared, and frightened.
"Why are you crying, Kates?" he asked softly, his voice soothing to the small girls' ears as his hand moved up to her silky brown hair, stroking it gently. The second he touched Katie, he felt as if there had been nothing wrong in the first place, as if the tension between them had disappeared.
Katie could see the hurt in her brother's green eyes, in which their specks of yellow hadn't returned. She had hurt him by not talking to him; he had hurt her by getting so angry; they had both hurt with the absence of their father, and the grief of their mother.
"I-I don't wanna hurt a-anymore, Kenny," she cried with thick tears in her throat.
Kendall's heart broke at his sisters desperate words, as he stood up, and kicked off his sneakers. He then peeled the comforters back and slowly crawled into Katie's bed, extending his strong arms to his sister, as she fell into them crying.
"When is it gonna stop hurting?" she cried silently, her voice weak.
Kendall hugged Katie's tiny form to him in her small bed in which his feet nearly hung over, as she cried relentlessly into his chest. The distance between them was finally over, and Kendall couldn't have been any happier, but yet sadder on the circumstances it had come to.
Besides his mother, Kendall hadn't taken Katie's amount of grief into his mind the past year. Here she was, going to grow up without a father, without someone to walk her down the aisle, and meet her children. Kendall felt horrendously selfish in the moment he leaned down and kissed Katie's hair, holding her tightly to him like he never wanted to let go.
"I'm sorry, Baby Sister. I'm sorry for everything," Kendall whispered gently into her hair, his own voice breaking. He shut his eyes closed tightly and swallowed the lump in his throat as Katie grabbed onto his shirt in fistfuls, as if she was compelled to him.
"I'm sorry I get so angry sometimes," he croaked out, swallowing hard, tears leaking from his eyes. "I just miss daddy so m-much," he cried, his voice completely breaking down on the name he hadn't used for his dad in ages. Warm tears ran down both Knights' faces as they huddled into each other for long-awaited comfort, Katie still silent since Kendall had cuddled her. Katie looked up at her brother helplessly, her face flushed and cheeks wet.
"W-why do you do this to yourself, Kendall? Why do you make yourself s-so angry all the t-time?" she cried out softly into him, his large hand rubbing soothing circles on his sister's warm, shaking back.
Kendall kissed her hair once more, his eyes squeezing out more tears due to his sisters woe, his breathing heavy and in sync with his Baby Sister's.
Why do you do this to yourself, Kendall? Why do you make yourself angry all the time?The innocent question from Katie echoed in his mind as she laid her head on his chest, listening to his soothing, melodious heartbeat through his shirt and sweat jacket, matching her breathing with it as if it was a sad, string song.
Everyone had asked him why he was so angry, why he did the things he did, why he was so emotionally distraught. But only Katie had caught on. She had caught on all these months, watching her Big Brother tear himself apart for no reason at all. It made the little girl sick to her stomach to hear her brother's sobs at night, or hear him wrecking his room out of anger.
"I wish I knew, Baby Sister," Kendall muttered out softly. He kissed her head gently once more, and cuddled more into her, her breathing slowing down from cries into a deep, peaceful slumber.
No one had ever asked him why he was doing this to himself. Nobody but his Baby Sister.
That's the one thing Kendall never understood, but was always amazed by about Katie.
His little sister put everything into the simplest terms.