A/N: Some big time things coming into play here. Don't worry, next week is gonna be a lot of fun interaction between the boys :D No more drama for a little while haha. Please read and review, all? I've seen a drop in my reviews lately and it makes me a little sad :(
And of course, here is a wonderful snippet from waterwicca's Past The Sorrow:
The past month with Kendall had made Sage feel almost normal. It was almost like everything was right in the world… like everything she had gone through with Elliot was a nightmare or some sort of twisted cosmic test that she had passed, and now she got to live with her reward. For four weeks, she has gotten to live with the guy she loves. Just the daily pleasures, such as brushing their teeth side by side or kissing each other goodnight, are enough to make her heart flutter. She has never felt more content and happy…
However, there are certain times when Kendall and Sage will look at each other and engage in a silent conversation; unspoken words of reassurance, hope, and comfort. This usually occurs after what they consider a trigger: something that reminds them of Elliot. A police siren or someone with a similar appearance that can make Sage shake in fear… It reminds them of what lurks in the shadows threatening to take their joy away. It's in these moments that the loving couple let the anxiety and fear creep in…
They've been living a perfect, happy life for a month; just enough time to make them comfortable, but not enough to make them feel secure in what they have. What if it all gets taken away? These moments of doubt and fear leave them wondering when it's all going to come crashing down.
The bell finally rang and Kendall waited anxiously next to the door as the hall flooded with hyper teenagers. Sage always stayed back, until everyone was out of the room, so she wouldn't risk being stuck in the crowd. She finally stepped nervously out of the room, relaxing and smiling as soon as she saw Kendall.
"Hey," he spoke softly as she became the only person in the world. They leaned in for a gentle kiss before mutually pulling away. Sage adjusted her bag on her shoulder so that he could wrap his arm around her back and pull her into him as they walked.
"How did you do on your Algebra test?" she asked with hopeful eyes, knowing he had gotten it back earlier that afternoon. She was praying that some of her tutoring had gotten through to him.
"Ugh!" Kendall only groaned playfully as a response.
"It can't be that bad…" she chuckled while he reached into his pocket. He pulled out a folded up packet and proceeded to flatten it out to show her a grade of 58 written in red ink. "Oh…" Sage sighed and bit her lip while Kendall shot her a smirk and an I-told-you-so look. "Well, you were damn close to a 'D' that time," she offered encouragingly.
"Yeah," he laughed at her optimism as they moved through the main corridor of the school. "Who gives a test in the first two weeks of school anyway?" he asked in annoyance.
"It's to 'assess your knowledge'… At least that's what the syllabus says…" Sage laughed lightly.
"I'll give them something to assess…" he grinned menacingly and started to crush the failed test against his stomach with his free hand.
"Stop it!" Sage raised her voice, but couldn't stop laughing at his annoyance. "We'll go over it later," she assured him with a kiss to the cheek as she took the test from him and threw it into her bag.
"Okay, my little genius," Kendall whispered playfully and leaned down to kiss her temple as they walked. "I swear, you remind me so much of the guys," he added after a few moments of thinking about the only friends he had ever had.
"How so?" she asked curiously, obviously humored. They had spent a lot of time reminiscing about Minnesota and she was always interested in hearing Kendall talk about his friends. He would always get a smile on his face like no other.
"You're a smarty pants like Logan, musically gifted and good looking like James, and you're crazy like Carlos," he explained proudly.
"Hey, we're both nuts," she interjected happily.
"Agreed," Kendall sighed dramatically as they neared the exit. He was sure to weave them carefully through the many bodies of rambunctious teenagers and several faculty members.
Yup. You KNOW you wanna keep reading! So do it! You will NOT regret it!
I don't own anything except Stella, and my other OC's.
Chapter Twenty: Healing
Logan Mitchell sat in his room, on his bed, reading out of his age old physics textbook. His reading glasses were placed on his nose as his scanned the black and white text, ignoring the colorful pictures of demonstrations of Newton's Law of Inertia. He read it intently, his fingers curled up over the old pages, ready to turn when needed. He had read this textbook front and back three times before since receiving it in middle school four years ago. Once when his cat ran away, once when he'd won second place in the science fair and once when his grandmother passed away.
There was a knock on his door and his head shot up. "Yeah?" he asked.
Kelly Mitchell opened the wooden door a bit, her eyes tired and red, wearing a black t-shirt and baggy grey sweatpants. Her dark hair was pulled back into a pony tail as she leaned her head against the door sighing with a small sympathetic smile on.
"I just wanted to say good-night," Kelly spoke softly. Logan nodded at her.
"Good-night," he spoke out stoically, his eyes going back to the pages intently.
He took a deep breath, calming the insides of his body down as his mother walked into his room. Logan knew this talk was inevitable. He figured his mother had given him some time two for everything to really seep in, before she approached him since she had announced the news. She made her way over to her son, her bare feet squeaking on the wood floor, as she sat on his pale blue and black striped comforter, smoothing out the wrinkles. Logan looked up at his mother and saw how tired and upset she looked, but definitely not stressed. It seemed as if something had been taken off her shoulders.
"Logan, we should really talk about this," Kelly said softly, extending her hand out to the corner of Logan's book, touching her son's hand gently, her manicured fingers over his plain, bitten ones.
"There's nothing to talk about, mom. I'm fine," Logan lied with a chuckle, freeing his hand from his mother's grasp, and pushing up his reading glasses unnecessarily. He set his hand lower on the text book as Kelly sighed deeply.
"Sweetheart, no matter what happened between me and your father, he is still always going to be your father, alright?" Kelly said comfortingly. Logan looked up at her with a nod and a small smile, his hands tensing on the pages of the old textbook.
"I know. Just cause you and dad are getting a divorce doesn't mean he loves me any less, and doesn't mean that I'll never see him when he moves out," Logan repeated out like a robot. Truth was, he'd been practicing saying it with a straight face in his head for hours now.
Kelly looked down at her son concerned, touching his hand again tenderly and sighing.
"Why don't we talk about this," Kelly said sadly. Logan chuckled easily, taking off his reading glasses with the hand that lay under his mothers and nodded his head no, his eyes still glued to the text book.
"There is nothing we need to talk about, Mom. Half of marriages end in divorce anyway, it's a statistical fact. That's why I'm not getting married," Logan joked out, however totally serious as his fingers curled on the pages, holding the book against his lap tightly. "Really, I'm fine with it. I really am," Logan said, his voice starting to quiver. Kelly looked at her son, knowing this was just a façade as Logan shook his head and scoffed with a half smile on. "It's really quite interesting, isn't it? I mean, dad never really had enough time to spend with me, but somehow, Tina Marie's kids in New York spent more time with him than I did," he laughed out to himself.
"Logan…" Kelly spoke softly, grabbing her son's hand tighter. He laughed again and looked at his mother, closing the book with a funny, goofy smile on his face.
"And you know what else is funny? The fact that dad took me and Kendall to California for business, even though every time he was on the phone, it wasn't with his boss, it was with Tina Marie," he chuckled out shaking his head. Logan looked at his mother's pained eyes again. "But the best is that dad had a whole second family without us, isn't that great? Isn't it just awesome how he makes time for that disgusting whore's kids, but he's not going to be here to spend my sixteenth birthday with me," Logan said with a wavering voice, swallowing hard "even before you kicked him out." Tears started to form in his eyes, as he clutched his textbook tightly looking at his mother's eyes. Logan chucked his textbook to the side of him as a tear fell down his cheek, his hands trembling.
"Sweetheart, it's okay to be upset," Kelly whispered to him touching his shoulder gently. Logan nodded no and looked at his mom letting out a laugh of anger again.
"No. I'm not upset. I'm angry. I'm angry because I wasted my time on someone who has had a second family for four fucking years. Someone who I looked up to, someone who I wanted to be," Logan cried out to his mother, tears freely falling down his face. He shook his head with anger and looked at his mother determined. "Well we don't need him. You don't need him and I sure as hell don't need him," Logan cried out, his voice breaking on the last few words. "I'll be a better man than he ever was," he screamed out to no one, tears running down his cheeks, his balled up fist trembling.
Kelly couldn't look on any more as she clutched Logan to her chest, and allowed her son to break down into her arms. Logan's nails clawed her bare, pale arms as he cried hysterically into her, his entire back rising and falling with each sob. Kelly softly cried into her son's hair as well, peppering his temple with kisses and stroking his back comfortingly.
"I know you will be, baby," Kelly cried into her son's raven black hair, as the two cried into each other's arms, huddled on a small single bed meant for one.
"It's so weird fighting with Kendall. I hate it. We've never fought this much combined as we have the past few months," Carlos said upset, lazily lying on his stomach on the grey carpet of James' room. James, who sat opposite him on the floor picking at his nails nodded with a deep sigh. The two boys were obviously out of whack without their other half. Logan wasn't really talking since everything had come crashing down with his father, and Kendall had only returned yesterday evening, and hadn't talked to the boys since the fight in his room.
James was very angry with Kendall. Not only had he ignored Logan's texts, but also had ignored Carlos' and James' texts right when Logan needed them the most. Ever since they were kids, James had always felt very protective of Logan, while Kendall was mostly the protector of Carlos. It started off because of Kendall and James' height, but as years went on, it became so much more. James felt as if it was his job to protect Logan, who sometimes so smart, just couldn't make the right decisions to protect himself.
"I can only imagine what Kendall did up in Thief River Falls. I wonder if Stella was even there," James scoffed out in annoyance. "Probably not, just like we said." Carlos looked up at James, and swallowed hard, his brown eyes filled with worry.
"What if…this ruins us?" Carlos asked James like he had just seen a ghost. James looked at his best friend surprise and raised an eyebrow sitting up more alert.
"What do you mean?" James asked. Carlos sighed deeply, looking down at the frayed, old carpet of James' room, and then back up at him. James could see the horrification in Carlos' eyes, something that he had never really seen before, except when his parents had divorced. The brown eyes looked droopy and sad, and the usual specks of amber that lied within them had been replaced with almost a ghastly black and grey coloring.
"Things have been so…off key lately, dude. I mean…look at where we are sitting right now," Carlos spoke softly. James gave him a confused look and Carlos sighed and rolled his eyes knowingly. "It's Saturday night, there is a Wild game on, and we're missing our center and right wing defense, and we're not even watching it," Carlos spoke pointing from him to James. James looked at his Latino friend, who definitely had a very good point. The boys had watched almost every Saturday night Wild game together since they had joined the pee-wee league at the age of five. Of course there had been family obligations, times when schedules didn't match up or trivial things like that, but not ever had the boys not watched a game together because they hadn't wanted to be with each other. Heck, the boys had never even not hung because they didn't want to be with each other. Sure, petty differences got in the way, but now, differences were more concrete. It scared Carlos to death.
"It's all Kendall's fault. Ever since he came back from vacation with that stupid bimbo, nothing has been the same. This is why you don't sacrifice shit for love. It gets in the way," James scoffed out, letting out his frustrations. Carlos sighed and rolled on his back and chuckle a bit annoyed with the fact of Kendall's love.
"Yeah. Or it ruins everything," Carlos said. "Like me and my dad, my mom, their relationship, a chance at a happy fucking family. You're the only one who's got that now, now that Logan's bastard of a father up and left," Carlos said more bitterly than James had ever heard him. James nodded his head quietly, for the first time ever, feeling lucky that his parents were all over each other half of the time. He swallowed hard as Carlos sighed and looked back at his pretty friend, with a half smile on his face.
"Now that I'm thinking about it, I mean, why does Kendall even want to be in love? It's obviously not true love, and even if it is, can't he see how its screwing him over? I mean, Stella didn't send a letter. Now, I have always been supporting Kendall in what he did about her, but now enough is enough. It's like he's choosing her over us," Carlos spoke out with a sad twinge at the end of his voice. James sighed and nodded, understanding the boy completely.
"I know. It's ridiculous. It's cause Kendall isn't strong in that sense like I am. I mean, he lost his virginity to this girl, and that's probably why he's so crazy about her. I don't see another reason how he could claim to "love" her. Luckily, I'm able to distance myself from the girls I sleep with," James bragged with a cocky smile as Carlos chuckled.
"Oh yeah, that's so awesome," Carlos mocked, as James chuckled, Carlos smiling at his best friend. He took a few deep breaths, obviously thinking about something deep. James raised an eyebrow at him and smiled.
"Uh oh. You're thinking of something deep, Carlitos. I can see it in your eyebrows," James joked. Carlos smiled small, and then his face dropped serious again. He licked his lips slowly, trying to formulate something in his head with a big sigh. He looked up at James with puppy dog eyes.
"Can I ask you a serious question?" he spoke softly. James was a bit confused. Carlos and serious never intermingled. But then again, a lot of things were happening to the boys that didn't usually happen.
"Shoot."
"How exactly…do you distance yourself from the girls you sleep with?" Carlos asked confused, seeing is as some kind of feat. James looked at Carlos with a weird smile on chuckling. He had to admit, he wasn't really surprise, seeing as Carlos had never been afraid to question him about his sexual feats before. Carlos was definitely the curious one in the group.
"I don't know, man. I just…I don't get involved after I sleep with them," James said, shrugging his shoulders like it was nothing. Carlos sat up on the floor with a small grunt looking at James.
"Yeah, but like, isn't sex supposed to be all...intimate and lovey? And full of like cuddling and stuff?" Carlos asked, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. James laughed out loud a bit, and shook his head.
"Dude, no way. Please. Yeah maybe for like boyfriends and girlfriends, and like, my parents," James shuddered a bit at the mention, "but I never do that. That's stupid, and the types of girls I go out with aren't for that either. It's not like I sleep with girls who have an emotional attachment. I sleep with…well, the girl versions of myself," James said with a smile, nodding his head.
"Oh," Carlos said, biting the insides of his cheek. James looked at Carlos a bit strangely.
"Why do you ask?"
Carlos shrugged and looked from James' eyes awkwardly. "I don't know. I guess I'm just trying to figure out where you got all these anti-love ideas from. I mean, your parents are all over each other, dude. Like all the time. At least my parents fuckin' hate each other. It makes sense why I think this Kendall thing is a crock of shit," Carlos chuckled out awkwardly. "You're just an enigma."
James chuckled and shrugged looking at his best friend with an unsure smile on his face.
"I guess I just love myself the most." Carlos smiled at James, and both boys sighed, a deafening silence falling over them as they looked down at the carpet, picking at it with a sigh.
"So, what do you wanna do?" Carlos asked his friend a bit depressed, as if he couldn't spend another moment laying on the floor. Usually they would count on Kendall for something to do, and then for Logan to tell them they shouldn't, but they'd end up doing it anyway. James shrugged and looked at Carlos with a smile on his face, in his head concocting a plan. He suddenly jumped to life and his face became vibrant and fresh.
"Wanna go to Harrison's party?" James asked with bright eyes and a large smile. Harrison Haffner was one of the most popular seniors at Duluth High, and a close personal friend of all the boys. He was the only one on the Hawk's who could possibly beat Kendall one-on-one, something their friend hated, but tolerated. Harrison was going to some college in Canada where he was going to start on the team, and probably go on to the NHL. Harrison Haffner was nowhere near the typical high school jock that everyone envied. He was a straight A student, on the honor roll and had shaggy brown hair and striking blue eyes, and not to mention a crooked white smile.
"We never go to Harrison's parties," Carlos said confused, resting on his forearms looking up at his friend. James nodded.
"Well yeah, because we usually are doing something with Kendall and Logan who both despise parties. We have always been the party animals of the group Carlitos, and now, we have the opportunity. You know how Harrison is always saying to come through. And I haven't had sex in a few weeks, I wonder if I could find a nice senior hottie," James said licking his lips cornily, Carlos rolling his eyes and scrunching his face up in disgust.
"Pig," Carlos said with a chuckle as James got up from his sitting position.
"Come on, let's go, man. It'll be fun, and if we don't do something I'm gonna go crazy in this house," James said with a chuckle, walking over to his desk to pick up his Wild keychain holding his car keys. Carlos gave him an odd look.
"Why are you driving? Aren't you gonna drink?" Carlos asked him with cautious eyes. James gave Carlos a serious "no" face with a slight chuckle.
"No way, dude! It would mess up my game. But if you wanna drink go for it. Just don't get shitfaced, I don't wanna have to face your mom with you like that," James chuckled, as Carlos rose to his feet excitedly, a smile draped across his caramel skin.
"Okay. Let's hit it."
Harrison Haffner's house was on the other side of town, so it was a near ten minute drive from James' house to the huge party house nestled on the dead end of Granger Road. As soon as James and Carlos walked into the party, they immediately felt a bit out of place, but also very excited. There were people absolutely everywhere. There was a bit of smoke clogging the hallways, and thick seas of people dancing, all holding red cups. People littered the grand staircase on the side of the room, and there were random hook ups all around the living room, leading into the kitchen.
The walked into the house, greeted none other by Harrison himself, who was already bit tipsy. James could tell by the glaze that was over his blue eyes, and the Bud Light that was in his hand.
"James! Carlos! Wow, I'm so glad you guys finally decided to come after like a year of persuasion," Harrison joked as they stepped into the music booming, musty, crowded house. Harrison closed the huge oak door behind them, and he patted James on the back with a bright smile.
"Thanks for inviting us man, we appreciate it," James said cooly, Carlos nodding along a bit nervous, fidgeting with his hands. Harrison chuckled and grasped James' shoulder tightly shaking him a bit.
"There's stuff in the kitchen. Help yourselves boys," Harrison spoke with a laugh, as he turned back into the sea of dancing, kissing teenagers all hopped up on alcohol. The two boys stood in the middle of the crowded hallway, watching people shift by them, lovers holding hands going upstairs with snickers, and a group of smokers lighting up in the corner. The whole entire atmosphere was like a big, giant acid trip for the two boys who hadn't been to too many parties outside their own groups of friends.
"So, what do we do now?" Carlos asked James, over the loud techno music playing, bursting through their eardrums like shattered glass. James shrugged his shoulders, his eyes scanning the room for drunken sluts who would definitely be winning for a try with him. It was like he had a radar for them. They usually wore either short skirts, even though it was winter, or loose fitting low cut shirts with tight black leggings.
"Well, I kinda wanted to go talk to some girls…" James said, his voice trailing off. He saw how Carlos looked a bit nervous, and really didn't want to leave him alone here. "But why don't we check out what you'll be drinking tonight," James said with a cool smile, trying to hide his disappointment. Carlos smiled and rested his hand on James' shoulder comfortingly, people pushing by them ruthelessly.
"I know you're trying to protect me, but really, I can handle myself. I know you've been looking for some sorta action for a while now, so go get it. I'll be fine, dude," Carlos reassured him. James cocked his eyebrow and smiled, putting up a stern finger in Carlos' face with a mocking grin.
"Okay. Just make sure you control yourself, Carlitos. Like I said. No getting wasted," James spoke authoratively. Carlos rolled his eyes and nodded, looking up at the sky innocently.
"Yes, mom." James gave Carlos one last nod, knowing that the Latino boy would be just fine on his own, as he turned on one heel the opposite way of Carlos, ready to scan the packed living room for some girl he could try with.
Only fifteen minutes later, was James on the comfy old corner couch with Patricia Lawson, his arms wrapped around her frame, his hand pushing the hem of her skirt up as they sloppily kissed. James had been with Patricia before, but never anything past a simple blowjob in the back room at another sophomore party months prior. James allowed his hands to massage circles onto the soft caramel skin of Patricia's thigh, his other snaked around her back playing with the clasp of her bra daringly. She giggled in the kiss, nibbling on James' bottom lip, her hands at the back of his head, playing with his soft locks of chestnut brown hair. James moaned into Patricia's lips, as her hand moved from the back of his head, to his neck, down his chest, to his belt buckle. James parted from her with a smile on his face, one eyebrow raised as she giggled a bit tipsy. She wasn't anywhere near drunk, and James would never take advantage of a fully drunk girl, especially not one that he didn't know. She slowly walked her fingers from James' belt buckle, down to the crotch of his pants, giving him the coyest, most innocent look she possibly could with dark brown eyes and pursed candy red lips.
"Okay, babe," James whispered softly to her face with a smile, as if he was allowing her to seduce him. He planted one more chaste kiss on her lips, and he grabbed her hand tightly, as they arose from the couch, James hoping that there was an empty room upstairs. Patricia giggled, as her black heels clicked on the wooden polished stairs, James fishing in his pocket with his empty hand, making sure the condom he had packed before leaving was still there.
"I hope one of these rooms is free," Patricia spoke sweetly, her words only slightly slurred from her alcohol intake, which wasn't too much. James nodded, dragging her down the wooden hallway of the upstairs, her heels clicking against the wood as she giggled. James quickly set his sights on the last door on the right, which was slightly ajar. The couple slowly moved towards it, James' heart beating fasting and his body heating up as the idea of the pleasure he'd be receiving began to clog his head. Without a care, James flung open the door to the room, his eyes going wide at the sight before him.
"Kendall?" James exclaimed.
There he was. Kendall Knight, who was shirtless, with his jeans unbuttoned and fly unzipped, lying atop a busty redhead, whose shirt lay next to her, her skirt pushed up to her torso. Kendall's eyes were glazed over and a vibrant shade of green, unfocused, his eyebrows furrowed. He had coral lipstick marks all over his face, as well as a large pulsating purple hickey on his neck, his skin all irritated and red around it. Kendall looked at James with a half smile, the girl beneath him giggling, obviously wasted out of her mind as he laughed out loud.
"James!" Kendall exclaimed like he was the guest of honor, his voice slurred horribly. James knew that Kendall was past his limit by more than a few beers by the way his eyes wouldn't focus, and how he was struggling to keep up on the bed. James could see that him and this girl had definitely gotten somewhere, his eyes awkwardly going to the large tent in Kendall's jeans.
"Kennyyyyyyy, stop talking and kiss me," the redhead spoke with a drunken chuckle, pulling him down by his forearm uncoordinatedly his hands immediately grabbing the sides of her thighs and chuckling. James stood there absolutely flawed at his best friend. Since when did Kendall go to parties? Since when did Kendall go to parties and get drunk? Since when did Kendall go to parties, get drunk and hook up with girls in the back room?
Kendall pulled his lips away from the redhead and chuckled, his hands uncoordinatedly stroking her body as James began to slowly back out of the room with Patricia, having seen enough of this disaster.
"James! You were right…Stella…all girls are sluts, Jamie," Kendall mumbled out to him with a finger in his direction, lips still attached to the redhead who was going for his boxers. James looked on at a heartbroken Kendall, his face full of drunk happiness, but true sadness. He stepped more forward, taking his hand from Patricia's as Kendall looked at him, nodding with a frown. "Stupid, stupid sluts," he mumbled out, adding an entertained giggle on the end of his words.
James had known Kendall long enough to know when the boy was truly unhappy, and he saw it in Kendall's green eyes. His smile was superficial, his dimples not even bothering to show themselves, and his eyebrows were furrowed confusedly, not curved spherically like they usually were. He had never felt so horribly sympathetic for anyone in his life. As much as he as mad with Kendall, and as much as he wanted his best friend to make a stupid mistake, he could see, and feel how heartbroken he was.
James had no idea what had happened up in Thief River Falls, but he knew whatever it was it had fucked Kendall over completely.
Swallowing hard, and going over to the bed, James quickly yanked at Kendall's arm, causing him to fall over and tumble on the bed onto the hard floor. Kendall sprung up instantly, losing balance and wavering of course as the red head shot up, her breasts nearly falling out of her tiny lace bra with a confused, annoyed face on.
"Kendall, who…who is he?" she asked drunkenly, her hands slopping on James' skin, Patricia in the hallway, sober enough to know what was going on. Kendall pushed himself off James who had him in a grasp, James stumbling back a bit surprised.
"What…the fuck, James!" Kendall exclaimed angrily, not being able to help the giggles that escaped his throat as James looked at him perturbed. "You're not…you're not even talking at me," Kendall slurred out, tapping his mouth with his finger confusedly, as if he had no idea he had control of his own finger. "You're mad, and so is Looooooogie and Carloooooos," Kendall said laughing hysterically at his pronunciation of his best friends' names. "You all hate me, right?"
"Yeah, we're fucking pissed bro. But you're obviously messed up, so I'm gonna be a good best friend and save you from knocking up this chick and regretting it in the morning," James spoke sternly, Patricia slowly sneaking away from the scene, much to James' knowledge. He sighed, hearing her heels click "sneakily" on the hallway floor, as the redhead, who was obviously totally annoyed by the interruption gathered her clothes staggering, but not before slapping Kendall in the face and running away down the hallway half naked.
Kendall and James just stared at each other.
"You…you James, you should know. I wanted to be like you, just one night with a girl, and you…you try ruin it you!" Kendall said upset, stumbling over his words with breathless sighs and cries. Kendall bit his lower lip, looking at James as his whole complex changed. His mind floated back to Stella, and mixed with the alcohol it was a lethal combination. Kendall looked at James and swallowed hard, a tear falling down his cheek, James looking at him with a twisted face. "You…you were right. I didn't…she didn't love me, James. I was wrong…and she didn't love me…she—slept, she slept with someone," Kendall spoke out, his voice cracking in all the wrong places. "She hurt me," Kendall whispered, another tear falling down his cheek as he slowly sat down on the bed, hanging his head and letting out a sob that shook the room.
James had never felt so absolutely angry at his best friend, and never as horrible for being right in the first place. Kendall was his best friend, and putting everything aside, Kendall Knight needed him right now. James slowly sat down next to Kendall, and put an arm around his shoulders, rubbing circles on his back to calm him down, biting his lower lip as he sighed deeply.
"It's okay, buddy. I'm here."
The next morning, Kendall awoke to the sounds of shuffling.
He was lying in a bed that didn't feel like his. His eyes still closed, he felt around in the sheets a bit, attempting to roll over on his side to figure this all out. However the second his head lifted off the pillow, he felt as if it was a paper weight, and when he turned on his side, he felt his sour stomach move with his body in pain. Kendall moaned audibly, clutching his head in agony, the night's events starting to replay vaguely in his head. His eyes opened and he saw a familiar room, that wasn't his, filled with bright light. The walls were white and the carpet was grey, and his bed was a lot higher up than usual. Opening his eyes more, sensitive to the light, he saw James in the corner of his room, dressed in pajama pants and a wife beater, shuffling through some papers on his desk. Kendall sighed deeply, and groaned louder, his head feeling as if it was going to explode.
James quickly turned around, his hair a bit mussed from sleep and gave Kendall a stern look.
"Oh look. Alchie is up," James said with a joking tone, but a serious voice. Kendall sighed and rested his head back on James' pillow, bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose and pinching it, as James made his way over to his bed. He sat on the edge of it, his breathing heavy as James stared Kendall down.
Kendall licked his lips, still tasting a bit of alcohol which made him stick out his tongue in bitterness.
"Yuck!" he muttered out, his body shivering from the horrid taste. "What did I drink last night?" he groaned out, massaging his temples. James sighed.
"I don't know dude. But let me tell you, you were fuckin wrecked," he muttered out, chuckling a bit at the end. Kendall sighed deeply, taking his hand from his face and looking in James' eyes.
"I just remember taking a beer or two, and then, everything got fuzzy," he said, bringing his hand to his cheek. Kendall winced at the slight pain he felt on his barely bruised cheek as James chuckled, turning Kendall's head sideways so he could inspect it.
"She got you prettttty good, K-dawg," James said, giving the bruise a slight love tap to which Kendall groaned out.
"What? Who hit me?" he asked.
"Stephanie Carter slapped you in the face, dude. You took it like a winner," James spoke out, giving Kendall a chuckle, but remembering to keep himself quite reserved. Kendall began to sit up, leaning back on his forearms a bit as he winced from the strong sun that was in his eyes.
"What? Why?" Kendall asked confused, touching the tender bruise on the side of his cheek with pained eyes. James looked at Kendall with a raised eyebrow shaking his head.
"You have…no idea…what happened last night…do you?" he asked his best friend with a sarcastic chuckle. Kendall nodded no with wide green eyes and James sighed deeply.
"Well, I'll give you the short version. You were upset, you went to the party at Harrison's, you got shitfaced, and you ended up in an upstairs room with some redheaded chick, who I now know is a Senior," James said, giving Kendall a wink, "good job by the way, but yeah. You and her started getting a bit handsy, and when I dragged you out of there, the girl was telling everyone what happened, and Stephanie came up to you and asked you about it. You admitted to it, and told her that it was really good, and she slapped you," James said, Kendall looking on horrified.
"Fuck," Kendall moaned, collapsing back on the bed, his mouth dry as cotton and his head being severed into two. He breathed heavily, and then his eyes flung open as he touched his face gently, his fingers massaging his own skin softly. Stella. Kendall fell silent, his eyes dark as he swallowed hard, James looking at how his face instantly contorted. And awkward silence hung between the two best friends, as Kendall's heart beat out of his chest, absolutely everything from the past two days crashing down on him.
"Kendall…what happened up there?" James asked softly, his voice becoming kinder and softer. Kendall sighed, pushing himself up to sit against the headboard, still dressed in his shirt from last night and his boxers. He sighed deeply and hung his head, licking his dry lips to moisten them.
"So much shit, James," Kendall said with a deep sigh, running his hands through his hair in agony. He sighed deeply again and looked up at his pretty best friend, and chuckled sarcastically. "Have you ever gotten the feeling where you're entire body feels as if its melted off, and there is nothing left but a broken heart laying in the pit of your stomach?" Kendall asked.
James truly didn't know the feeling, but understood what Kendall was getting at, so he nodded.
"Stella…she had sex with someone else, and I-I got so angry at her, James. It was the 21st, the day my dad died, and she was trying to help, and I should've just let her, but I was so mad at myself for ignoring you and Carlos, and not helping Logan, I just needed to scream at someone, and she told me, and I hit her, James. I hit a girl. I hit the girl," Kendall cracked out, his voice weak. James looked at Kendall very surprised and raised his eyebrow, wondering what had gotten into Kendall.
"You…you hit her?" James asked with wide eyes.
"I didn't mean to, James. It just happened! And I can't stop thinking about it. I love her, I really do, but—but she said she didn't want to love me at first. Everything is just so fucked up right now between the four of us, and Stella, my mom is probably scathing right now. I'm letting everybody down again," Kendall said with a wavering voice. He sighed deeply, and kept his composure as James sighed deeply.
"Well, I called your mom and told her you were staying here for the night, and that you passed out at my house, since you know, that's where you were supposed to be last night," he joked. Kendall looked up at James, rubbing his eyes tiredly, holding his aching head.
"I just…I don't know what to do anymore, man. I'm so messed up, and I thought Stella was gonna change all of that, and make me a better man, but…but now it's all gone," Kendall spoke out, his words wary as he shook his head in anger and annoyance. James sighed, and moved closer to his best friend, resting a hand on his shoulder, his sympathetic eyes on.
"It's not all gone, buddy. I'm still here, aren't I?" James asked him with a small smile. Kendall looked up at him, his eyes a bit glassy as he shook his head and sighed deeply.
"I can't believe it but you are," Kendall whispered out. "I'm sorry, James. I'm sorry for everything," he spoke out softly. James nodded, feeling his own type of hurt. Not only was Kendall hurting from not being in a good place with friends, but to see an unbreakable bond of four brothers not able to be there for each other killed the boy. If James didn't get some type of love from people who actually chose him, what good was he? He needed Kendall just as much as Kendall needed him in that moment, and it showed all over his face when relief and apology spread through his hazel irises, leaking down his cheeks in invisible tears.
"I know, Kendall. And I'm always going to be there, whether you're an idiot or not," James spoke with a smile. Kendall nodded and smiled a real smile, which James was happy to see. He watched as Kendall got up out James' bed, finding his jeans folded neatly into a pile next to his jacket on the floor, as he brought them to his feet and stepped into them, not missing a beat. He buttoned them, and fastened his brown belt over them, his head still aching but him not caring.
"What are you doing?" James asked his best friend, who looked as if he was ready to go out into battle. Kendall looked back at James and smiled knowingly, making sure his eyes were all rubbed of sleep, and that his attitude and smile were on straight.
"We're going to Logan's house. He needs me," Kendall spoke out like a soldier, as if Logan had just sent him a desperate text of a plea to come over and save him from an enemy camp. James looked at Kendall confused and stood up from the bed.
"I know you want to help, Kendall. But Logan might need a bit of space from you. He was very upset with you, man," James said, eyes wide. He looked at how Kendall's hands, nor face dropped with his statement and was a bit confused. The blonde haired boy looked even more confident and accomplished as he did before James had said anything.
"I know. He probably won't even look at me when I walk in the house. Hell, I'll be surprised if he even lets me in. But I'm going to sit there, I don't care how long it takes for him to need me, James. I let him down too many times, and I still have to apologize to him. Logan is my best friend, and every minute I waste being scared of how is he going to yell and scream is one more minute I'm losing out on with my best friend," Kendall declared menacingly, as if he were in some type of debate.
James couldn't help but smile as an infuriated and pissed off Kendall pulled his Vans on determined, with a sunken brow, and a hint of a determined smile peeking through his usually sad mask of a face. And that's when James knew that things were going to be alright.
Three boys sat in their best friend's room, as he sat his in his bed, with wide eyes totally dumbstruck.
"Why is Kendall here?" Logan asked James, like the nearly six foot blonde was totally invisible from his own eyes. Carlos, who had been subconsciously dragged from a two hour nap was still half asleep, as he tried his best to be alert at what was going on around him. He had fallen back asleep in James' car, not even paying attention to what was going to happen. Carlos, who couldn't take alcohol very well, still had a bit of a hangover.
"Logan, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for everything that I did," Kendall spoke out to his best friend, sitting on the floor in an Indian style position. Logan looked at Kendall with watery, puffy, eyes of death. He had spent the last few days crying at random times, and then getting angry at himself for feeling any emotion towards his deadbeat father. His father was nothing to him now.
"What about everything you didn't do, Kendall? I don't give a fuck that you ousted my father, I really don't, I actually thank you for it, cause I don't know when he would've told me and my mom if I hadn't pushed him," Logan spoke with a sarcastic, angry chuckle. Kendall swallowed hard and looked at Logan a bit confused, and went to open his mouth to speak, but Logan continued. "It's how you picked up and left for a week for this girl, and then when I needed you the most, you just—you didn't care! You were selfish, and angry at me, and you didn't even feel the need to text me, when I was apologizing," Logan said with fire in his eyes.
Kendall knew that Logan was right in every sense of the word, and as his list of what Kendall did wrong continued, the blonde boy's heart began to break more and more. He didn't know what Logan had gone through the past few days without him, and as he thought about it, he got sick to his stomach. How could he leave Logan to fend for himself like that when he needed all three of his brothers? Logan had been there for him when his father was gone, and in some ways, this was even worse. Kendall's father had left because of horrible circumstances, but Logan's father had chosen to leave him. There was a long moment of silence as Kendall looked into his best friend's chocolate brown eyes.
"I was. I was stupid, and selfish, and angry. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was so intoxicated by this love I thought she had for me, I couldn't see anything. I thought loving Stella would make everything better, and I thought that she really loved me back, like I loved her. But it's not like that, Logan. The only people who love me like I love them is you guys," Kendall spoke out, biting his lower lip. "And I'm never going to forget that again, I promise."
Logan seemed a bit surprised at how calm and collected Kendall was being, and noticed how sad his face looked. In the bottom of Logan's heart, he knew that no matter what Kendall Knight ever did to him, they would always be best friends. Their bond was too strong to be broken. Logan always called it a hydrogen bond, and that was how he taught Kendall chemistry last year, when the blonde was near failing the subject. Kendall had never disappointed Logan this much in his lifetime, but Logan knew that it wasn't anything near a good reason to not be friends with someone he had known his whole life, and who knew his whole life since age five.
Logan sighed deeply, and looked at Kendall, whose eyes looked dark and dingy, his hands fidgeting in front of him, and his bangs swept across his face in a sad, droopy demeanor. He missed his best friend dearly, and having Kendall in front of him admitting he was wrong was something the blonde boy never did.
"Logan, I'm sorry," Kendall said sternly, his voice full of raw emotion. Logan looked at him, his eyes then going to Carlos and James, who seemed to have already made up with Kendall, well, mostly James. Carlos wasn't very involved or angry at Kendall, seeing as that he himself had been a bit tipsy last night and didn't remember too much until he was sobered up when he got home. Logan's eyes locked on Kendall's and he nodded.
"I know you are," Logan said softly. Kendall smiled and slowly got up from the ground, walking over to the bed where he sat down next to Logan, and instantly pulled him into a hug. Logan smiled at how sappy Kendall was being, and enjoyed the warmth and protection of his best friend's arms. "I'm sorry, buddy," Kendall said into Logan's ear, as he broke the hug with two hard pats on Logan's back and a small smile. Logan nodded and smiled, an instant relief swaying through the four boys in the room, Carlos and James exchanging looks of happiness as their group of four came back full circle again.
The four boys sat in the room in a comfortable silence, something that hadn't been done in a long time. Logan sighed deeply, and Kendall smiled at his best friend. It was then he remembered Logan's birthday was next week, and that he was supposed to be going to look at cars with his father.
"Hey Logie, it's your sixteenth birthday next Saturday. What do you wanna do?" Kendall asked with an excited tone, hoping Logan would be up for something fun. Logan shrugged and scratched the back of his neck.
"I don't know, I mean. I was supposed to go out with my dad…but now that's put to shit…" Logan trailed off sadly, looking down at his bedspread. James gave his best friend a pained expression, and Kendall's voice softened.
"James, Carlos, and I are going to make sure you have the best sixteenth birthday ever, Logan. We promise," Kendall said to him. Logan's head popped up a bit, and he looked at James who was smiling, Carlos nodding feverishly and Kendall smiling at him like he was the only thing that mattered.
These were the best friends that Logan missed. They were the best friends who had been a bit off-key lately, but had somehow grown even stronger through all the hardships they had faced as a group the past few weeks, and Logan Mitchell couldn't have been any happier to see it happen.
Kendall put his blue Chevy in park along the winding road of the cemetery. It was a bit warm out today, as February was pushing towards the end, a bright March coming through with the promise of sun and a forty degree temperature. Still clad in a winter knit beanie, Kendall turned his ignition off, sitting back in his seat as the sun came in through the window, reflecting into his eyes a bit. His keys hung in the ignition, swaying a bit from his touch, making a small sound of jingle bells which echoed throughout the car.
Today, Kendall felt a bit guilty. Here he was, still with a killer hangover, visiting his father's grave, which he hadn't been to in a few weeks. It was like a double guilt almost. The sun was bright as ever, and it was nearly 4 PM. Kendall had torn himself away from his friends, seeing as that he hadn't really been home all that much since he had gotten back from Thief River Falls. He hadn't spoken to his mother about what had happened, but he tried his best to be in the house with a smile on his face so she wouldn't suspect anything. Kendall however knew it was failing miserably, and that the second he said he was going to the cemetery, Kim knew something was up.
He sighed deeply and got out of the car, swinging his keys in his hand as he closed it with a slam, walking up onto the grass through the maze of headstones, all different shapes and sizes. He took a deep breath as he center in on his father's headstone, tears threatening to come to his eyes as the icy grass crunched under his sneakers. Kendall sighed as he stood in front of it, kissing his fingertips and resting them on the marble. He smiled with a single touch of it, and chuckled.
"Boy do I need you right now, dad," he whispered with a smile. Kendall silently sat down on the cold, dead grass which still was a bit damp from the ice. He pushed his bangs to the side, his car keys and keychain wrapped around his fingers, looking down at them with a small smile.
"So, I've made a lot of mistakes the past few days, dad. I screwed up a lot, and…I feel really shitty about it," Kendall said with a small chuckle, bringing his head up to look at the headstone. "I messed up with Logan, and Carlos and James, and…well, this girl. The stuff with Carlos, James and Logan, that's all fixed, and should get better, but what I did with this girl dad, I mean…I really messed up. I—I know I talked about her when Carlos, James and Logan were here, but…I love her to death, dad. And it kills me that she slept with another guy," Kendall spoke out, closing his eyes tight in anger.
A wind swept through the cemetery rustling the keys on Kendall's chain as he jostled them in his hand.
"I'm just…nothing has been the same since you left. I don't sleep the same, I don't think the same, I don't act the same," he whispered. "I just miss you so much all the time, and when you aren't there to help me like you used to be, it hurts so much." Kendall swallowed hard, tracing the small family picture that was left in a frame by his mother when she visited just days earlier, on the 21st.
A small tear fell from Kendall's eyes beyond his control, his voice shaky as he wiped it away with a small amount of laughter. "But I think you'd be proud of me, daddy. I've been singing in front of people lately, which is real good. I sang for Katie, and mom, and Carlos, James and Logan. I might even join the choir at school next semester if my schedule fits it in," Kendall said excitedly, sweeping his bangs from his eyes again.
Kendall looked at the headstone and traced Kristopher's name, smiling as he felt the connection between him and his father fully established for a few fleeting seconds. When he took his hand away, it was gone to which Kendall frowned, but then instantly smiled.
"It's a shame that I'm the only one of my friends who believes in true love, now. I mean, I still love this girl, Stella, a lot even after what she did. I don't think I'll ever stop loving her, but I'm going to have to try to forget her. And I know it's going to hurt so much, but I have to do it," Kendall said, swallowing hard. "And I know that you would tell me it's alright to love, because you and mom were the ones who taught me that true love does exist, and that I'll find it someday," Kendall whispered, closing his eyes and bringing himself back to a memory.
It was nearly eleven o'clock on a Sunday night in the Knight household, and eleven year old Kendall was supposed to be in bed a while ago. Kim had tucked him in at 9:30, and Kris had bid him goodnight right afterwards, placing a light kiss on his son's forehead, knowing that there would only be a few more years before Kendall grew out of it. However, Kendall had no intention of sleeping. So being the adventurous child he was, he slowly tip-toed out of bed, across the rug and into the carpeted hallway. The door across from him was Katie's room, and being just four years old, she fell asleep instantly after being placed in her tiny little bed. Kendall slowly tiptoed down the creaky old wooden stairs, trying his best to be stealthy about his adventure.
With each step he took downstairs, the activities going about on the first floor seemed more and more exciting. Kendall heard the old record player his dad had brought back from a garage sale on, and some really slow, soft music. Curious to see what this was, he slowly inched down the stairs, sitting on his backside going down each stair softly. He saw the light in the living room to the left on, and his mother's soft laughter.
Kendall peeked his head down through the banister, grabbing onto it, and was confused by what he saw. His mother's arms were wrapped around his father's broad neck, his hands holding her delicate waist. Both of their bodies were swaying gently to the music, his mother's long green skirt flowing with each step they took. His father's forehead was pressed against his mother's, their eyes locked on each other's as they moved in small circle.
Kendall looked at how intent they were at staring at each other, and how it looked like they never wanted to break away. He also realized that at this point in time, he was pretty visible to them at most angles, but they didn't even bother to look his way. He imagined that either his parents were incredibly foolish, that they needed glasses, or that they were so lost in their own little world, nothing else mattered.
He watched his father steal a light kiss from his mother's lips, and surprisingly, Kendall neither made a yucky face, or a sound of disgust. He actually found it quite sweet how even after so many years, his parents still loved each other so much. Carlos' parents always fought, James' parents, well, they were in love too, and Kendall never saw Logan's dad kiss Logan's mom. He figured he must be lucky for his parents to still be so happy with each other.
Watching them dance and stare into each other's eyes, Kendall felt something was there. He always saw how his father looked at her, and how he talked about her, and how he touched, and kissed her. It was always something full of love, never just anything trivial. He loved how his father could always be counted on to soothe his mother's cries, and how when his dad was upset, his mom could always cheer him up with his favorite meal. Kendall watched all the time how the two of them interacted, and even just being a young ten year old, he knew he wanted it someday.
His father chuckled lightly, placing a soft kiss on his mother's forehead. She looked up at him and smiled, his father whispering an "I love you," just loud enough for Kendall to hear.
"I remember watching you and mom dance that night, and I think that's when I realized I believed in true love. I believed in you and mom's love. It's one of the best memories I have of you and her," Kendall said, looking down at his keys nervously. A wind swept through the cemetery again, and Kendall looked up at the sky and realized that it was getting late, and that the stars would be showing their faces very soon.
Stars. Stella.
Kendall took a final deep breath, looking up at the headstone and smiling. "It's getting dark out, and mom wants me home for dinner," he started off. "But we all miss you. Katie misses you every day, and so does mom. James, Carlos and Logan miss you too. And of course I miss you, dad." Kendall sighed and got up from his spot on the floor, clutching his jacket tighter to him and shivering from the chill that overcame him. He extended his hand to the headstone and touched it gently, giving it a small smile as he ran his hands over the smooth marble and granite mixture with a sympathetic grin.
"Rest easy, daddy. I love you."