A/N: I was going to add A LOT more in this chapter, but it would overdo like 20,000 words, so it will just be next week :D I hope you enjoy this week! I got some nice reviews from new people (Hi Allison! :D) and it makes me SO happy! Thank you so much for all the support on this story, I adore all of you.
And now, here is the usual snippet from Waterwicca's Past The Sorrow (which is absolutely AMAZING and is a must read! It wont a 2011 BTR FanFic award ya know!)
Sage smiled weakly when she truly looked at him, and was about to speak, but they both grew tense as all sounds of the front door ceased. With one final look at his girlfriend, Kendall ran out into the hallway and stopped just before reaching the top of the stairs. He peered down and could see Katie and his mother at the threshold speaking with a police officer that, at least, wasn't Elliot. For a moment, Kendall held on to the hope that they may not have been there to take away his love. Maybe they were just investigating a -
"I'm Officer Scott Taylor. We're looking for a runaway, and we have reason to believe that Sage Henderson is here," the cop spoke politely but sternly, destroying all of Kendall's high hopes.
"What are you talking about? She's here every day, but she doesn't live here. It's the middle of the night," Karen sounded utterly confused, refusing to believe what the officer had to say. Kendall stayed in the shadows upstairs as they continued.
"Mrs. Knight, please, just send Sage out. My partner, Elliot, wants his daughter back. They had a misunderstanding, and she left home," Officer Taylor spoke with sympathy… sympathy for Elliot.
"I don't - " Karen started, but her son interjected.
"You can't fucking have her!" Kendall yelled as he rushed down the stairs.
Maybe he should have stayed hidden and waited it out, but he couldn't control himself anymore… not when the cop downstairs was speaking as if Elliot was the victim and threatening to ruin everything. Kendall had been holding himself together for a month, but it was only because he had Sage. Now, this guy was trying to take her away from him, and Kendall snapped.
He couldn't let him have her… not after they just made love. They're supposed to wake up to the bright sunlight, in each other's arms with lazy smiles and gentle caresses. It's not supposed to be before sunrise with police officers at their door.
"Kendall!" Karen yelled at her son while Katie watched him in shock. He ignored both of them completely, keeping his angry eyes on Scott Taylor.
"Listen, son, Sage needs to go home…" the man spoke gently with what he probably believed to be empathy.
"That is not her home, and I won't let you take her back there!" Kendall was screaming now, forcing himself to stay at the bottom of the staircase and keep at least a yard of distance between his body and the door.
"What's going on?" young Katie asked loudly.
"Kendall, you need to start explaining-" his mother's features had gone fiercely stern.
"Wait, you're Kendall?" Scott Taylor asked and received a nod. "Officer Henderson asked me to inform you that, if you go anywhere near his house again, he'll be forced to file a restraining order against you. Now, just send Sage out, and you all can go back to sleep…"
Kendall was absolutely livid. This guy was starting to sound exasperated as if they were inconveniencing him.
"You son of a bitch!" the boy was mere seconds from lunging at the man.
"Kendall..."
Everyone on the main floor froze, and Kendall immediately relaxed as he turned to look up at Sage. She was fully dressed now in jeans, sneakers, and a tank top, but she had also put on one of Kendall's plaid shirts and left it unbuttoned just to have something of his. She looked sad and a bit frightened, but, worst of all, she looked completely resigned to their defeat.
Angst? Love? Family? Smut ;D Yup. It's all in PTS. A special thanks to waterwicca this week for helping me out a bit with this chapter, as well as so-complicated for her AMAZING reviews :)
And now, on with the story.
I don't own anything except for Stella, and other OC's.
Chapter Twenty-One: A New Page
The bruise on her cheek had faded, but the hurt on her heart had not.
Stella knew she and Kendall had both screwed up beyond belief. She knew they were both fucked up horribly, and that nothing would change that.
She also knew that nothing would change the way she felt for Kendall Knight. This was serious. She knew she wasn't going to be able to forget about him, and go on living life as a "normal" runaway.
The attraction, desire, dependence and security were all way too strong. Stella needed Kendall Knight.
After she walked away from, she broke down, hysterically sobbing about five minutes from when his hand hit her face. She felt she deserved it all, and wasn't mad at him for his actions. She knew this was wrong, and that she should be angry with him, but she blamed herself. Her mind had been reverted back to the orphanage, and how she was beaten, and bruised to bloody pulp at times. Her tears came faster in regret, wondering how she could ever connect Kendall and those sick guards. She blamed herself for everything, and knew that she needed Kendall, and that he was in her life for a reason. She sat there in the snow, crying, warm tears falling down her cheeks juxtaposed with the horrid chill of the dirty snow underneath her. It was only by nightfall that she had gotten up, and started to make her way back to Main Street, where maybe she could get some kind of shelter for the night.
The only thing she had left of Kendall Knight was his blue cardigan.
And now, three days later, Stella couldn't stop thinking of Kendall. She wandered the streets of Thief River Falls, wishing he would come back home to her. She visited the house they had made love in, and even sat in the counter in the same position, hoping that she could feel him if she closed her eyes tight enough. She wanted Kendall's warmth that had been so abruptly pulled from her so many times.
Stella's heart felt like it had been beaten to a bloody pulp, and she knew that no matter what she did, if Kendall wasn't with her, it wasn't going to be fixed. She wanted nothing more than to fall into the arms that had protected her when no one else had, and stay in them forever. Feeling protected was something she wasn't used to, but something she felt she could never live without again.
Stella sat on the bench of a bus stop, Kendall's cardigan around her shoulders, her entire body shivering. It was sleeting out in Thief River Falls tonight, and her wet hair was matted to her face, her lips nearly blue. Tears fell down her cheeks, her face flushed, her arms clutching to her body, hoping to keep warm. '
Stella was absolutely miserable.
She closed her eyes, and tried to picture her life just a few months ago. She was living in a mansion, totally alone. No one knew of her, she had a job where she could get money, food and clothing. She had cold water to take a shower. She had heat when she needed it. And then Kendall Knight showed up, and took her on a whirlwind spin of passion, pleasure and protection. Now, she would never be the same again, and truthfully, Stella didn't regret it one bit.
There was no point to regretting the best thing that had ever happened to her.
Stella cried, the thoughts of Kendall sitting next to her, and stroking his thumb across the tight skin on the back of her hand like he had been doing just a week ago on their date, where he told her he loved her. It was all gone. Kendall wasn't sitting next to her, and who knew when she would see him again.
It was then, Stella's bright blue eyes got wide, and she wiped her tears away.
His address.
Stella quickly dipped her hand into her broken and tattered canvas bag, pulling out her blue sweater and resting it on the bench beside her, as well as some food she had taken and a few other things. Her hands shaking from the cold and wet, she reached in to the bottom of the bag, and grabbed a small little coin purse, in which she had gotten from her foster parents years ago. Stella quickly opened the tiny zipper, and dipped her index finger and thumb in it, pulling out a small little ripped piece of paper. She bit her lower lip, tears falling onto the small paper, and she smiled a bit, swallowing hard.
Kendall Knight
528 Granger Lane
Duluth, Minnesota 55801
It was written in his messy handwriting, with a inky blue pen. Stella smiled at how he crossed his t's and wrote his 5's, feeling his character and presence just through a measly little piece of writing. With nowhere else to go, she felt that the answer was staring her straight into the face. Kendall hadn't given up when she had given up, so why when the roles were reversed, should she even have a second thought?
Stella knew she had to see Kendall, and that no matter what the odds, it would work it. It was meant to be. Stella closed her eyes, holding the crinkled piece of paper in her hand, the rain pattering on the glass alcove she was in like a rhythm to a beautiful song . She would start her journey to Duluth in the morning. No matter how long it took to get there, or how hard it would be, she needed to go. She needed to let Kendall know that she wasn't going to let him go again. There was no chance in this equation.
She was going to see him. It was definite.
"Dude, what the fuck just happened in there?" Carlos mustered up, from the back of the police car, his voice in complete awe at the events that had just unfolded. Kendall sighed and rolled his eyes annoyed at himself and his actions tonight, as the four boys squished in the back of the police car, very uncomfortably. The handle to the door was lodged in Carlos' arm, James and Kendall stuck in the middle, thighs tightly squished together, and heads nearly touching the ceiling of the car. Logan leaned as far against the window as he could, a frown on his pale face, his forehead sweating at what his mother would think about all of this.
"When you guys said you wanted to do something for my birthday this Friday, I didn't think it'd be hanging out in the back of a cop car!" Logan exclaimed out angrily, his voice stern but soft, eyebrows furrowed as he turned to his friends. Kendall frowned at him, and mouthed him a "sorry" across James' hung head. Logan sighed deeply and shook his head, trying to rearrange himself next to James in the uncomfortable, pleather seat. James, who looked down at his feet, embarrassed and annoyed sighed deeply, shaking his head.
"I can't believe…he said I was horrible. I'm not horrible. I'm gonna be famous!" James exclaimed, like he had just heard that Cuda had stopped making his hairspray. "I have to be famous!"
"Well Kendall told him off for you, James," Carlos joked with a snicker, as the police car rode through the streets of Duluth, the darkness beginning to fill the vast, open sky. "At least you didn't punch him, or slap him. Then we'd really be getting booked," Carlos said chuckling. Carlos was a bit more comfortable in the police car than any of the boys, seeing as he was used to being in one, due to his father. Officer Garcia had spent many nights taking small Carlos around in the back of the car, talking over the radio to amaze and surprise his son, and elicit a toothy smile from him. Carlos' father had switched precincts after the divorce, so his job was in the town he lived in, just about twenty minutes from Duluth. Carlos' hadn't recognized the two cops that had taken the boys into the police car anyway, but was incredibly light hearted about the whole situation that had just taken place.
"I'm sorry, Logie. I know this wasn't how you pictured your birthday," Kendall said disappointed in himself.
He and Logan had just begun to get back on their old friendship track, and then he had to go and screw up his best friend's birthday. The boys were planning on going to the diner for dinner, maybe shooting some hockey pucks around, and then staying over at Kendall's for the night. As much as Logan didn't want to leave his mother in this state, alone in the house, Kelly had encouraged Logan to be with his friends, seeing as that she needed some time to herself.
Logan sighed, squirming in his seat, James' leg pressed into his thigh uncomfortably. He looked away from the fast moving houses of Duluth and back at his friends with a smile that couldn't be mistaken for anything but sheer enjoyment and happiness.
"As much as I hate all of you for doing this to me when we were supposed to go out for a simple dinner tonight," he started off, as his face turned up into a smile and he let out a small chuckle, "it was pretty awesome seeing you jump on that table and sing your heart out," Logan smiled, warming Kendall's soul. A wave of relief came through Kendall and he chuckled, barely being able to move his arms in the small space, fixing his blue beanie on his head.
"I agree. That was sick, Kendall. Since when you do sing in front of people that aren't us? How did you even know that song, and all the notes to it?" Carlos asked enthusiastically, turning in his seat, trying to move his leg from the door handle penetrating it. Kendall shrugged his shoulders, his face blushing a bit from embarrassment of Carlos' comment. How exactly was he supposed to say that he had sung that song millions of times when he figured out that it only used two main chords on guitar when he was first starting out? It wasn't like "Girl to my Heart" was a horrible song, but definitely not something that a sixteen year old boy should know all the words, beats, and pitches to.
"I guess from a long time ago, I don't really know," he mumbled, shrugging it off. James looked up at Kendall and sighed, his face in very close proximity to his blonde counterpart's, as the cop car took a nasty right turn, the boys sliding across the pleather, Logan holding on for dear life to the door handle.
"How did you even really know who Gustavo Rocque really was?" James asked confused, staring into Kendall's eyes lost and confused. Kendall raised an eyebrow as James sighed rolling his eyes. "I mean of course I knew who he was because I have looked over music producers that are good to be contacts with in Los Angeles, but—he was popular when we were like six, dude. How'd you even know all about this nationwide search for the next pop star?" he exclaimed, demanding to know. Logan sighed deeply, remembering the crowd that had hoarded him in Los Angeles.
"Me and Kendall saw him in Los Angeles when we went. I guess he didn't find anyone there," Logan said, as James looked back at him.
"Or here," Carlos scoffed with a chuckle. James sighed loudly, obviously somewhat affected by this whole night of events.
"Why'd he say I was bad though? I mean, you guys think I sing good, right? Everyone else thinks I sing well. And I have amazing hair, I mean, what else could he want from me?" James exclaimed, contemplating his entire life before his best friends' eyes. Kendall chuckled a bit, placing his hand awkwardly on James' shoulder as the police car came to a halt in front of Kendall's house, the blue and red sirens reflecting on the windows of neighboring abodes.
"We all think you're amazing, James. Who cares what that fatso producer says? He hasn't had a hit in ten years!" Kendall exclaimed.
"Actually, nine," Logan chimed in.
"Not helping, Logan," Kendall spoke with a raise eyebrow and sarcastic smile.
"Duly noted," Logan spoke robotically with a small half-smile. The two young policemen shut the car off, the motor stopping as they exited the front seat.
"Now, Kendall's mom is going kill us, so a singing career wouldn't have helped anyway James," Carlos added in, his voice quite chipper for the situation. James sighed and Kendall squeezed his shoulder reassuringly with a smile.
"Don't worry, buddy. Your big break will come. And at least you got to see me get angry and not punch anyone in the nose," Kendall joked lightheartedly. James chuckled and gave Kendall a half smile, as the two doors in the back of the police car were opened.
"Alright, boys. We'll walk you to the door and let your mom know that everything's alright, and that you were just being idiots," the younger one of the two said with a chuckled. The boys agreed and all nodded, as the two police officers brought them to the front door.
The four boys walked with slow steps, awaiting their scolding from Mrs. Knight readily and comically. However, as they approached the front door, neither James, Carlos, Kendall or Logan were expecting what would happen in the next twenty four hours. It would change all of their lives, and their friendship dramatically, testing the strengths of their bonds even more than they had been worked the past few weeks. Luckily, the boys each faced the door with bright, forgiving smiles, the static of police radio behind them, as they unknowingly began the next unexpected step of their lives.
Kendall sat at his kitchen table late that night, clad in wool pajama pants and a white t-shirt, with a cup of hot cocoa in his right hand, his left hand slowly turning the pages of an old picture album. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep after what had just happened today. His mind was on a whirlwind, and he couldn't even as much as think straight to make a simple cup of hot chocolate. It had taken him nearly ten minutes to put the water to a boil, and make the mixture of powder and milk.
Sitting with the kitchen light on, flipping through old pictures brought small smiles and frowns to Kendall's face. Gripping the blue mug tightly, Kendall slid his feet against the floor nervously, turning each laminated page in the album slowly, taking in all of the faces, places and colors associated with each photograph. He slowly took a sip from his mug, letting the warm drink pass through his pink lips, his green eyes locked on one of the four pictures in front of him. A smile instantly came to his face, as the pads of his fingers lightly traced over it.
It was of Kendall, baby Katie, and Kris, in the hospital room just hours after Katie was born. Kendall remembered the day so well. It was a school day, and Logan's mother had picked the boys up from school, and brought them back to Logan's house with no explanations unto where Kendall's parents were. It was only by the time that they sky turned dark, that Kris came to pick Kendall up and bring him to the hospital to see his new baby sister.
Kendall was missing two front teeth in the photo, and smiling as he cheesed at the camera, Katie all wrinkled and pink, wrapped in a pink blanket in the small boy's arms. Kris was leaning next to him on his knee, one hand on Kendall's tiny back as they looked up at Kendall's grandmother taking the picture, smiling with identical expressions. His green eyes were lost in his father's smiling gaze, not even noticing that his mother had walked into the room.
"Kendall?" she spoke softly. Kendall immediately looked up at his mother surprised to see her down here this late. It was already 2 am the next morning, and after staying up until twelve to wish Logan a happy birthday, and making sure he was still alive after his little stint from the cops, Kendall could in no way, shape or form get anywhere near sleep.
"Hey, mom," Kendall spoke out softly and non-chalantly, acting as if he was just measly sitting down at the breakfast table taking part in some blueberry waffles and a glass of orange juice. Kim rubbed her eyes of the last trails of sleep, and walked over to him, her bare feet sounding against the cold tile of the floor. Kendall apparently wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. Kim looked at her son with a raised eyebrow, taking the seat next to him and peering into his cup.
"What did I tell you about hot chocolate after 9:30?" Kim asked her son with a joking, raspy voice. Kendall sighed and looked in the cup, and then back up at his mom.
"I'm sixteen, mom. I think I can decide drinks for myself," Kendall spoke out with a sly smile, taking a sip from the mug and placing it back down, his eyes going back to the photo album. Kim ran her hands through her red, wavy hair and sighed, resting her chin on her hand, held up by her elbow as her blue eyes darted to the photo album she and Kris had put together for the family so many years ago.
"You look at that a lot, baby?" Kim asked, her hand going to Kendall's on the mug, letting her soft warmth envelope his body. Kendall shrugged.
"From time to time." Kim smiled at her son, watching at how his father's green eyes travelled over the pages, his rough fingers smoothing out the plastic laminate over it. Kim sighed deeply and smiled at her son, knowing he probably had ten thousand things going through his mind.
"We should talk about this whole thing, Kendall. You should really give it some thought," Kim spoke out softly, as Kendall brought his head up to hers. Kendall looked at her with a polite smile, sighing deeply.
"There is nothing to talk about, mom. There is no way that I could ever make it in Hollywood with my mediocre voice, and there is no way I'd ever uproot you, and Katie from Minnesota, and there is no way I'd ever leave my friends behind, nevertheless my hockey career," Kendall started nervously blathering, his voice getting weaker and more nervous.
"First of all, you're voice is far from mediocre, Kendall. I've heard you sing, even though you have some silly notion that Katie and I don't know about your voice," Kim said, causing Kendall's face to turn red out of surprising embarrassment. "And you need to take this seriously, baby. This producer went all over the nation to find someone to make famous…and he picked you," Kim said in an easy voice, making sure Kendall understood her every word.
The blonde sighed deeply. "I know, I get it, but it just seems to unrealistic to me. I mean, I can barely sing in front of my friends, and now this fatso mega nineties producer wants me to travel with him to California for three months, to see if I'll make it or not? I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna leave my friends, and my family," Kendall spoke out, his eyes down directing to the picture of his father and him. Kendall sighed and shook his head, his hands going to his bangs and running his fingers through his hair. "Why'd he even pick me?" he exclaimed frustrated, sarcastically chuckling.
Kim smiled smugly at her son and raised an eyebrow. "Well, why do you think he picked you?" Kendall looked at her and furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes not leaving hers.
"He said I had the fire, or something like that," Kendall spoke unsure of what was coming from his mouth. Kim smiled at him and chuckled.
"His fire, is what you call passion, Kendall. You are such a passionate person in everything you do," Kim spoke. Kendall stared into her mother's eyes, and knew she was right. This was an opportunity that came once in a life time, especially someone from a small suburban town in Duluth, Minnesota. His mind wandered off, and he wondered what his father would say about this, what Stella would say.
It was then he realized that they were both gone out of his life one way or another. He remembered how his dad would tell him he could be famous singer and songwriter one day, and how Stella told him that she loved his voice and wanted to hear it. He imagined his voice travelling through the radio to sweet Stella's ears, and Kendall's eyes began to tear up a bit.
He'd been trying so hard to just forget about her the past few days, not even thinking about her much, investing all his time lost with Logan, Carlos and James. But now, here it was, creeping up on him again like a unexpected snow storm. He had felt the bitter cold, and seen the cloudy sky, but only now were the flakes beginning to fall down, and bury him alive.
Kendall hadn't told his mother Stella was up in Thief River Falls, explicitly because she hadn't asked about it, seeing as she had figured if anything Kendall would bring it up to her. Kendall hadn't told his mother how everything in his life just seemed to weigh him down at this point, and only now was the boy starting to feel it. He still missed his father, his anger problems were no longer in check, God knows if he would ever see Stella again and now he was getting some offer to move halfway across the country at a shot in the dark to be famous? Kendall's life hadn't made sense in a long time, and while the boy should've been used to it, all the chaos, emotions and up and downs were wearing him out. Kendall was spacing out as thoughts encircled his mind like a never ending track of train, his mind starting fizz out as Kim broke him out of his trance.
"Kendall?" she asked softly.
Kendall stared blankly ahead, turning his head to hers with a horrified, weak expression spread across his face. Kim saw in his eyes that something was plaguing his thoughts, more than just this Gustavo business, and more than just the death of his father. It was something that Kim could tell had been haunting him just by the expression on his sullen, upset face.
"Baby, what else is bothering you? I know there is something else," Kim declared caringly, making sure Kendall felt open enough to tell her. He knew he should tell her about Stella, and everything that had happened between them, but it just made him look so bad. He had hit a girl, the girl he promised never to hurt, and the girl who had been slapped, kicked and beaten when she was in an orphanage. Him hitting her was like taking back everything Kendall had ever said about loving her, and he thought about it every minute of every day since his hand had touched her cheek.
He couldn't keep it all inside anymore.
"Mom, Stella was up in Thief River Falls, and we got into an argument, and—and I got so angry that I hit her, and I-I don't…" he started to say, biting his lower lip white, his breaths coming heavier. There was silence as Kim furrowed her eyebrows a bit angry at her son for what she had just told him. She had raised Kendall to always respect women, and to treat them with the utmost care. "I just, I don't know why I laid a hand on her, and I don't—I don't know why I am still so messed up, mom. Why am I still messed up?" Kendall asked her, his voice stoic and laced with no emotion. Kim looked at her son and sighed deeply, touching his hand gently. Kendall hadn't been to therapy since before he'd left for Thief River Falls, and truthfully, Kim didn't see it helping very much, especially after Kendall's latest revelation. Kim knew that her husband's death had affected her son, but she had no idea the magnitude.
"She was up there, and you hit her, Kendall?" Kim asked appalled, her voice getting caught in her throat. She couldn't believe her son would ever hit a woman, even if he was angry. Kendall looked at his mother and swallowed hard. "You hit a girl because of a silly argument?"
Kendall nodded, his lips thinning and his heart beating faster. He looked up at his mother, his green eyes filled with every ounce of sadness and regret Kendall had accumulated over the past few weeks. It seemed to weigh his eyes down considerably, creating thick bags that weren't there before, as the boy looked tired and defeated in every way possible.
"I'm sorry I did, I haven't stopped thinking of it since, and everything is a mess, mom. I just fixed things with the guys, and now I have this opportunity in front of me, and it just—it never stops! I can never be completely happy or without conflict anymore, and it gets me so frustrated," Kendall said, locking his eyes on the next page of the photo book, of him and his father holding Kendall's first place hockey trophy high in the air. "I need something stable, I need something to go right for once, instead of being torn into two people, two thoughts or two attitudes at one time. I've had enough of it! I just want things to go back to the way they were before dad died!" he exclaimed loudly, pushing his mug away from him disgustedly. "Why can't things just go back? I don't understand what made me so messed up," he yelled out loudly, his breathing heavy and his eyes flaring up. Kim was looking at her son with tired, upset eyes, as she brought his hand over his, trying her best to calm him down.
"I love you, Kendall. And I always will. And I know you are frustrated, and angry, and upset and a whole mess of emotions right now, but what you need is your friends, and your family to help you. I know it's been a hard year, and believe me baby, it's been a hard year on all of us, but we're here for you all the way, and I know you've been a mess since your father died, and I—I've tried everything. I've tried looking up stuff on the internet, therapy, getting you to talk about it, but nothing seems to be working, sweetheart. I'm trying to help you the best I can," Kim said, her own voice starting to weaken, tears coming to her own eyes. "I feel like such an incompetent mother knowing that nothing is working, and I hate seeing you so upset, baby," she squeaked out poised, as two fresh tears fell down her cheeks. Kendall hated seeing his mother cry, especially over something as silly as him.
Kendall looked up at his mother awed, feeling the pain of a mother's heart to his own. His heart began breaking with each bit of tears that fell from her eyes, down her flushed cheek, landing on her hand, right on her wedding and engagement ring which she wore every day. Kendall held his mother's hand tightly looking at her with shining green eyes. He took his hand and slowly wiped her tears, breathing slowly.
"I wanna start over. I wanna leave all of this in the past. My fights with the guys, the grief I have for dad, the love I have for Stella. I want it to all go away, so I don't have to hurt anymore," Kendall spoke out desperately. "I wanna be able to live happy, and enjoy myself without any strings attached. I wanna do something that is gonna make you, Katie and dad proud," he whispered with a small smile. Kim looked at him with a pained, twisted face. She nodded and sighed deeply, stroking Kendall's shaking hand with tender care, trying to take the pain from his body into hers.
"Well, maybe this opportunity is just what you need, Kendall," Kim said softly with a small smile, trying to quickly compose herself. Kendall sighed deeply, his face still confused. "I'm not saying that you should leave all your friends, and hockey behind to try to do this, but…you're never gonna get another chance like this again, baby, and I don't want you to be haunted with 'What If's?' your entire life." Kendall looked at her with a solemn, confused face . "If you want a new start, this could be it."
Kim spoke the truth, and Kendall knew it. While his singing had always been something that his dad and him enjoyed to do together, Kendall never thought that he would somehow have the opportunity to actually pursue it, nearly guaranteed. He had heard stories of people spending ten years trying to get into the music business, just to even get a demo out, and here, Kendall was being handed it on a silver plate. Kim sighed deeply, and looked in her son's eyes.
"I love you, Kenny, with every bone in my body," she started off, "and I am so proud of you for everything you have done, and you are definitely the best son in the world. And I know you are constantly thinking of others before yourself, but think of yourself this time, please? Just think about what you wanna turn down before you actually turn it down, alright?" Kim got closer to him and smiled reassuringly, connecting eyes with her son.
"I'm sorry that you got into an argument with Stella, Kendall. I'm sorry that you're being burdened by this love so young and naïve, but maybe never seeing her again is for the best," Kim whispered, trying to be cautious with her choice of words, knowing her son may get angry. She looked him in the eyes and sighed. "You're a passionate person, baby, and I've never seen you so passionate about someone in your entire life, besides your father," she chuckled out, earning a small smile from her son. "But like I told you, sometimes love is about letting the people you love go, because they'll be happier with someone else." Kendall nodded stoically at his mother, as she got up from her seat, and came over to him, resting her lips to his forehead, and letting them linger there, pushing his blonde bangs back. With a final small smile, Kim turned away from Kendall, and began walking out of the kitchen. "Don't stay up too much later," she whispered, as she exited the kitchen and was gone from Kendall's sight completely, leaving the conflicted boy at the dark kitchen table, all alone.
Logan, Carlos, James and Logan all sat in the Knight's living room, staring at Kendall. The boy rested his forearms on his thighs, hunched over on the couch, staring at the floor aimlessly. He had called the boys over for an emergency meeting, and seeing as it was Logan's birthday, Kendall had suggested that they do this quick, and easy so they could get to whatever Logan wanted to do, especially after last night's debacle.
"So what do you guys think about all of this?" Kendall asked his friends confusedly. Carlos was sitting relaxed on the couch, his legs spread out on the green plush cushion with his hand holding his head up. He was picking at the gold fringes of a floral pillow that he had fasted under his elbow. Carlos shrugged unknowingly, to which Kendall frowned upon. He had hoped that his friends would have some insight on this, seeing as this decision could possibly change his life. Carlos straightened himself up on the couch to be more alert to Kendall's words and he smiled.
"You know that I think you have an amazing voice, K-dawg. And I mean out of all the people in the nation, the Gustavo Rocque picked you! I mean, that's gotta mean something," Carlos said chuckling as Kendall sighed, running his bangs through his hair. Logan agreed silently, as did James, who had been a bit standoffish to Kendall since all of this had broken last night.
"Yeah, but I was probably a last resort anyway, Carlitos. I really don't think it's me that Gustavo wants, it's just my passion. I'm not a pop star, I don't have people write my music for me, and have techno dance tracks. And I can't dance," Kendall said nervously, looking around for the comforting eyes of Logan. Finding them to his left, Kendall smiled as Logan's dark brown eyes flickered up with specs of gold, showcasing his caring feeling towards his best friend. Kendall watched Logan's eyebrows furrow a bit, something they always did when he was thinking hard, or making an argument.
"Yeah, but the passion is you, Kendall. You are the only one that has "the fire" or whatever he calls it," Logan said attentively, with a warm smile gracing the end of his words. Kendall sighed deeply and bit his lower lip conflicted. "He does want you."
Kendall's eyes then went to James' and immediately his stomach dropped. He saw the look of jealously, and upset in James' eyes, sitting curled up against the couch Carlos laid on, trying his hardest to keep a smile on his face. Kendall felt horrible. He knew this was James' dream, and he understood how hard James worked to try to get any exposure into the movie/music/television world, and how he had failed many times, only being good enough for school plays…and not good enough for Gustavo Rocque.
"You haven't said much, James," Kendall spoke softly. James looked at Kendall and bit his lower lip, trying to calm himself down. He was angry, but for the opposite reason you would think. James wasn't angry that Kendall had gotten this chance, and he hadn't. Jealous, yes, but angry no. James was angry that Kendall was considering throwing this whole opportunity away, and never even taking the chance that he would do anything to take.
James remained quiet as Kendall sighed even more miserably, looking at the boy with furrowed upset eyebrows. "I'm sorry, man. I didn't know that me singing his stupid nineties song was going to make him pick me, alright?" Kendall said with a hint of anger, and attitude in his voice. James looked at Kendall with alive eyes, his true anger starting to rise up in him. If he was going to convince Kendall to go out there and make his dreams come true, he was going to have to do it with tough love. He wouldn't let his best friend pass up something he could enjoy doing, because he had second thoughts.
"You really think I'm that shallow to be mad about that? The fact that you got picked and I didn't?" James exclaimed, allowing his arms to be extended in righteousness. It was then Kendall realized how stupid that sounded, and that while jealousy was a typical emotion, James wasn't really all too much the jealous type. Kendall retreated a bit, still sitting across the coffee table from James who scoffed, and flicked his hair back with enthusiasm. "The reason I'm angry, is because you can't see how good you are, Kendall! You don't understand what it means to be picked by the Gustavo Rocque, okay? How could you even second guess this? It's fame, fortune, and everything else anybody could want!"
"That might be your dream, James, but it's not mine," Kendall spoke out instantly. James sighed and tilted his head back sighing with frustration. His eyes then locked on Kendall again and he shook his head.
"No, it's not. But I know that you love to sing, and play guitar. Share your voice with the rest of the world, Kendall! Do something you love, please? You gotta call that guy back, dude. Don't let this slip through your fingers," he begged. "Think of how proud your dad would be," James spoke out softly, as Kendall's mind immediately soaked in his father's memory.
"Dad what could be so big that you had to hide in the garage?" Kendall asked curiously, sitting in the kitchen with a smirk on his face. Kris was in the connecting garage next door, rustling through some boxes to get to Kendall's present. "It's not a car, is it?" he added on, raising an eyebrow with an excited chuckle.
"I love you bud, but it's not a car," Kris joked from the other room, his voice distant and jolly.
Kendall sighed impatiently, drumming his fingers on the white table, his long bangs hanging over his eyes. Kendall stared at the open garage door, and watched as the light went off, and his father's footsteps neared the linoleum tile of the kitchen. It was an oddly shaped, polygonal box wrapped in blue striped wrapping paper, with a large blue, shiny ribbon on the top. Kendall pushed himself back from the table and got up with a smirk, his dimples prominent, as his father pushed the box towards him.
Kendall looked up at his father and chuckled. "What could this possibly be?" he asked him. Kris shrugged and tapped the box lightly, with a crooked smile.
"Well, you gotta open it to find out, don't you?" Kris said. Kendall nodded excitedly, and ripped the bow off the present, tearing the blue paper a bit. He looked up at his father once more, before taking both hands and ripping the wrapping off, revealing a orange-brown box, with a picture of a guitar on it. Kendall's green eyes went wide as he looked up at his father with excited eyes, and laughed out, absolutely stunned at his present.
"No freaking way!" Kendall exclaimed, taking the last of the wrapping off, examining the box with a beautiful picture of a wood guitar on the front. Kendall wasted no time in picking up the box, and letting it sit on the table, eagerly opening the taped side. He wanted nothing more than to run his hands down the smooth neck of his own guitar, and make it his own music machine. He had been using his father's old one for their lessons, which Kris has started a week or two ago, and when Kendall had asked for one of his own, Kris and Kim had told him that they couldn't afford it right now. Kendall had to admit he was upset, but he understood, and to be honest, his dad's old guitar wasn't in bad shape.
Kendall took the guitar from the box, and eagerly adjusted the strap as Kris looked on dumbfounded. He had expected Kendall to be excited, but since laying his eyes on just the box, the boy had been absolutely intoxicated by the instrument. With shaking hands, Kendall, not even bothering to tune it, took the guitar and slung it around his neck, not even bothering the adjust the strap, the guitar hanging high, only a few inches from his neck. The boy eagerly made the shape of a C chord and with his finger, and strummed the out of tune strings, making the most horrific, but yet beautiful sound either Kendall or Kris had ever heard. Both father and son smiled, their eyes not connected.
"I guess…you like it then?" Kris asked with a chuckle. Kendall's eyes were at his left hand as he tried to finger a G chord, and then struck the vibrating strings again, still out of tune. He looked up at his father with shining green eyes, full of wonders and dreams, in his own hands now.
"I love it, dad. Thank you so much," Kendall said ecstatic, pushing the guitar behind him, still around his neck, as he took no shame in hugging his father tightly. Kris was taken by surprise, seeing as how Kendall hadn't hugged his father like this in a while, Kendall fearing he was too old now that he was in high school. Kris chuckled and smiled in the hug, hitting his son's back twice, as they both parted, smiling from the tender moment.
"Oh man, I can't wait to use it. Can we practice now?" Kendall asked eagerly, swinging the guitar back around and putting his hands to work again.
"Sure," Kris said, sighing at the sight of his son and his guitar. "Just remember, that when you are a famous musician someday, you remember who bought you your first guitar, and who taught you how to play," Kris joked, giving Kendall a playful punch in the arm. Kendall looked up at his father with a smile as wide as could be, his dimples in full force his eyes sparkling at the matching pair they looked up at.
"How could I ever forget, dad?"
Kendall was brought back to life with Logan's sharp voice.
"Kendall!" Logan said, trying to alert the boy who was obviously off in his own world back to life. Kendall shook his head of the thoughts, and his attention went back to his friends, and James' previous statement. James was right, in that Kendall had always loved music, and that his father was indeed incredibly supportive of his music career.
Kendall swallowed hard and looked all around at his friends, his heart thumping in his chest rapidly. He could want this, if he tried hard enough. But did he want to leave everyone behind? He had just made amends with all the boys, and he wanted everything to be started over in his life. He wanted to put the grief, and Stella behind him, but as much as he could try to do that in California, it would never be done without his three best friends.
"You guys, I can't leave you. I won't leave you," Kendall spoke out wearily, surveying his friend's sympathetic eyes with his own. He ground his knuckles into one another, then running one hand through his sleek blonde hair, sweeping his bangs back with a sigh.
"Oh, come on Kendall. That's a lame ass excuse," James spoke out, crossing his toned arms over one another, still sitting Indian style on the floor. "Don't you agree, Logan?" he said, shooting his direction to the short raven haired boy.
Logan nodded with a thin lower lip, his dimples decorating his cheeks with an amiable but powerful expression geared towards his blonde best friend. Kendall smiled a bit and his eyes drifted to Carlos who was sitting up on the couch, staring into Kendall's eyes. Unsure what to do, Carlos just nodded eagerly, eliciting a chuckle from all four of the boys.
"It's not a lame ass excuse. You guys are my family. And I mean—we've been through some crazy shit this year and—" Kendall said, but James interrupted with a scoff and chuckle, playful but serious.
"We? Try you, Kendall," James joked out. Kendall rolled his eyes and sighed, Logan sighing a bit uncomfortable at the conversation, due to his own crazy shit that was going on with his father. He closed his eyes for a minute, praying that Kendall wouldn't bring anything up about his father. Not today, not on his sixteenth birthday.
"Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm still a mess, and I…I wanna try to get better, I want a fresh start," Kendall spoke out nervously, looking down at his Vans. Carlos finally chimed in, totally alert and attentive to the conversation.
"You can get a fresh start out in California, Kendall! No Stella, no memories, nothing like that. Think of the girls, the beach, the stars, the girls!" Carlos reiterated with a large smile and a hint of laughter, making the boys smile. Kendall sighed and swept his legs up onto the couch sitting back, and holding his head in pain, his point not getting across. "Think of what you can make of yourself out there man! You wouldn't have to stay in this crappy little Minnesota town anymore! You'd be out there, living the dream as a famous pop singer!" Carlos said, sitting more upright excitedly, bouncing a bit on the green cushions of the Knight's living room sofa.
"What have you got to lose?" Logan asked him incredulously, as Kendall sat up again, with wide eyes and a sarcastic smile. It was as if Logan didn't understand the magnitude of this decision whatsoever, and had no idea what Kendall was about to endure.
"What have I got to lose?" he exclaimed, furrowing his thick brows upset and confused. "What if it doesn't work out? My mom is uprooted from her job for three months, Katie is uprooted from her school for three months, I make up all the schoolwork I miss, I cut all the ties with my school friends, and worst of all," he said, taking a few deep breaths and looking at the guys from Logan, to James, to Carlos, "I lose my best friends," he said softly, his face sagging. James sighed deeply, looking at Logan and Carlos with a sad, determined face on. He moved closer, placing his hands on the glass coffee table, staring Kendall straight through the iris.
"Kendall, do you want this?" James asked. Kendall sighed and bit his lower lip, looking up to the ceiling, and mumbling.
"I'm—I don't know what I want, I mean, I just—" but he was cut off.
"Kendall, do you want this…even a little? Do you want this at all?" James asked him more seriously, Carlos and Logan staring their blonde friend down like he was the prized possession in an art gallery. Kendall sighed, looking in all of their eyes with a small smile gracing his lips.
"Yeah, I want it," he admitted nervously, swallowing hard after he spoke the words that he didn't even realize were passing through his lips as he said it. James, Carlos and Logan's faces all turned up into small, half-smiles, as James cupped Kendall's shoulder with an approving nod, telling him his words were indeed correct.
"Then go get it, buddy," he spoke out softly. Kendall looked at James, and was surprised by how much sense he was making. Please, think of yourself for once, Kendall," James said dearly, both Carlos and Logan nodding along with his statement. While lately, Kendall had been a bit selfish in the whole "Stella" department, he had made amends with his brothers absolutely. If anything, part of the reason Kendall was so unsure of this change, was because everything had just started going right between them again, ever since Kendall had returned from Thief River Falls the first time.
"I don't wanna do this without you guys," Kendall said with a soft chuckle, his clammy palms on his thighs, hitting them lightly, wiping the sweat from them. "I need you guys here, I mean, look what happened a week without you," Kendall said a bit sad. He had told the boys everything that had happened between him and Stella, and they did indeed feel sorry for him. However, it was a quick conversation, due to Kendall's absolute disdain for the subject, and his resolution to totally forget about her from this point on. He wanted to start new, in every aspect of the word, no matter how hard it would be.
The boys sat in silence, Carlos, Logan and James trying to do all they could to convince Kendall that this was an opportunity he should definitely take. Kendall's mind went crazy, going through all the situations he could be in if he did go, as one even crazier idea began to form in his head. He looked at his friends who were all in deep thought, and his smile grew bigger, from looking at Carlos, to James, to Logan. Maybe he could have this chance and have his best friends.
"What if…what if we all went to Hollywood?" Kendall asked them. James' eyes lit up instantly as if a light switch had been turned on in his brain, Logan's eyes became confused, and Carlos' eyes stayed the exact same size, full of fear.
"What—what are you talking about, Kendall?" Logan asked nervously, looking from the blonde to his other two friends wondering what was going to come out of their leaders mouth next. Kendall sat up on the couch, hitting his thighs with emphasis before standing completely up with a smile on his face.
"What if I told Gustavo that I'll only go if he makes us a singing group, no if, ands or buts?" Kendall said triumphantly with a grin, standing above all of his friends.
"Yes! Yes!" James exclaimed excitedly, jumping up out of his seat on the floor with a wide smile. "Yes that is perfect! A singing group! And that means when we break up in x amount of years, I can go solo!" he said. Logan just looked at James with a sigh, and the back at Kendall who was nodding his head excitedly.
"Uh, dude. Me and Carlitos can't sing, or dance," Logan chuckled out nervously, looking up at Kendall with a sad face on. Kendall looked over at Carlos who had been silent since Kendall's genius idea. "And he doesn't want a singing group, K-dawg. He wants you, and just you," he added with a pointed finger.
"Well he's not getting me without you guys, and that's my decision. And Carlos has Latino blood. He sure as hell can dance," Kendall said, shooting a look at Carlos who instantly smiled, and shrugged kind of embarrassed. "And they can teach you everything, Logie. Come on, we all took choir freshmen year," he added.
"Kendall, Jenny Tinkler took choir freshmen year…they let anyone in that class in ninth grade," Logan spoke out. He had only taken the class due to his lack of artistic skills, choosing a music requirement over an art requirement. Kendall sighed at Logan's factual response and rolled his eyes.
"Oh come on, man. Think of how awesome this could be. All of us in California, singing, dancing, and getting famous…together. Like the way it should be," the blonde reiterated, pacing back and forth between his friends who all looked up at him like he was crazy, except James of course.
"Kendall, I can't just drop everything for a singing career, when that's not what I planned," Logan said like he was crazy. "I have med school, and SAT's to take, and I have to start looking at colleges, and making my pros and cons lists," Logan rambled, his eyes growing wide at his never ending list. Kendall looked at him with wide eyes and raised his eyebrows with his lower lip sticking out a bit. Logan's words were exactly what he had yelled at Kendall for just seconds earlier.
"Uh, care to say that first thing again, a bit slower?" Kendall asked smugly.
"I said I can't just drop everything for a singing career…when…that's…not…what…I planned," Logan repeated softly, his smile coming into play around the word "when". He sighed deeply and Kendall crossed his arms with a victorious grin plastered across his face, winning over Logan's battle. Logan knew he had been defeated by Kendall's wit, and felt instantly stupid for what he had said to him. Carlos sat up with a bright smile on his face, his mind already made up by the looks on Kendall's and James' faces.
"Well, I guess I'm down, seeing as my only career choice was a superhero. This sounds way better," Carlos exclaimed lively from the couch, with a smile on his face, standing up alongside James and Kendall. James smiled and nodded at Kendall, the blonde not needing an answer from his friend. All three pairs of eyes barreled down at Logan painstakingly, the smart boy's breathing a bit heavier and his mind in a whirlwind.
"The only way I'm going is if you come with, Logie, that's the deal," Kendall declared with a signature Knight grin, sticking his hands in his pockets casually, as James and Carlos each put an arm around the tall boy. Logan sighed, and pushed himself up the floor, shaking his head disapprovingly.
"You guys are fucking idiots…" Logan started off with a furrowed brow and bright eyes, "but you're myfucking idiots." Kendall, James and Carlos all smiled as Logan put an arm around Carlos, looking back at Kendall, and James with a wide smile across his once sullen face.
"So it's agreed, all for one, and one for all?" Kendall asked his best friends in an excited tone of voice, his heart beating fast of the excitement of what just happened. James nodded, Carlos following, and all eyes went to an unsure Logan. His head finally nodded as well, a bright, cheery, excited smile easily transitioning onto his face, wiping uncertainty away with his friend's animated stares, and natural expressions of happiness. Logan sighed deeply, living in the moment as good as anyone else.
"If I agree, can we please go get something to eat for my birthday you jackasses? I'm starving," he asked.
Kendall, James, and Carlos all nodded as they exchanged looks of unwavering confidence and true happiness, looking forward to the uncertain, but rewarding road ahead of them.