Jayden began to resent his caretaker. At the same time, it was impossible to deny that he hadn't made the best first impression either. All right, fine, he was a total dick.

But...

She made him drink excessive amounts of water when all he wanted was a good, strong cup of black coffee. Not that toxic excuse for coffee they had at the police station, mind you, but real coffee. He needed caffeine, although he knew on some level that it was all just a distraction from what he really needed, which shall remain nameless.

Fuck it. Jayden needed triptocaine. But he didn't have any, and he'd been trying so hard to resist. Besides, he didn't want her to know about his shameful little secret just yet. It was one thing when the tripto enabled him to do his job, but now he had no ARI and yet the desire for it still remained. This frightened him, honestly. She wasn't about to let him out of her sight anyway, so getting the drug was not an option, even if he did know where to look.

He awoke very early in the morning with that panicked feeling you get when you're late for something. But then he remembered that he didn't have a job anymore. He had nowhere at all to be, and Madison Paige was gone. Of course she's gone, you idiot. She has a life, you know.

On one hand, maybe this was a good thing. It left him free to rummage through his belongings, inhaling trace amounts of precious blue powder from the bottom of nearly empty vials, like a regular coke fiend. It would be just enough to take the edge off. It would be just enough to dull the sharp pain currently attempting to rip his skull apart from the inside, until at last it became a minimally irritating ache in the back of his mind.

But on the other hand...Well, there had to be something wrong with that idea. There was always something wrong with any idea his tripto-deprived mind came up with.

It could kill you, remember? Or has it already made you forget? That annoyingly rational voice reminded him. Right, that was why. But honestly, that particular argument was starting to convince him less and less the longer he went without his fix. Go figure.

Jayden tried to push himself into a sitting position; staring at the dingy motel ceiling had lost its novelty long ago, except when he was hallucinating. His muscles cramped in protest, weak from having spent God only knew how many hours lying in bed. Still, he forced his body to comply, since his mind was restless.

The room was fairly dark, but that was all his eyes could take at this point. The room was also a mess; first-aid supplies littered the nightstand, discarded clothes and bloodstained towels had been left on the floor either carelessly or perhaps by someone in a frantic rush to keep a certain worthless bastard alive. Fuck, he wasn't worth her time anyway, let alone her concern.

Jayden carefully drew back the curtains, wary of the light. But he had nothing to fear: the sky was darkened by enormous, gloomy clouds. Rain steadily poured down on the street below. He hated the rain. He had always hated the rain, but especially now. It signified a lack of time and control. It reminded him of drowning.

This is just fucking depressing. Yep, Norman, looks like you managed to reach a whole new level of self-loathing today. Congratulations, asshole, you've earned it.

For some unfathomable reason, he wanted to hear Madison's voice. And then he did.

Just then, the door to his room opened and she crept inside, probably assuming that he'd still be asleep. Madison jumped when she saw him standing there.

"Jesus, you scared me. I didn't expect you to be up and about by the time I got back."

"Sorry," he said. He really sucked at apologizing.

"It's okay. No harm done. I've just been a little jumpy ever since..." Madison trailed off with a distant look in her eyes.

"No, I don't mean just that." Jayden continued. "I'm sorry for being such a prick earlier. I was in pain and I was angry and I took it out on you when all you were doing was trying to help me."

He was sorry he could not prove that Ethan Mars wasn't the Oragami Killer until it was almost too late. He was sorry he could not save Shaun Mars, leaving Madison and Ethan to do so alone. He was sorry that he hadn't been quick enough, and that he had given up. Fuck, he wanted to apologize for his very existence. Jayden was a jobless failure hopelessly addicted to highly classified substances and technology that no one outside of the FBI was even supposed to know about.

"It's all right." Madison was saying, and he suddenly realized he was crying. "I was a little pissed off before, but I'm fine now. It will be okay, you just have to tell me how to help."

Don't you get it by now? There is no help. They intended for this to kill me, and so far it looks like they're gonna win. I'm sorry for that, too.

There would be time for explanations later. They had all the time in the world, now. Besides, he didn't trust himself to voice it just yet. His reflection's words still haunted him.

Finally hit your proverbial rock bottom, huh?

Yeah, and I'm loving the view.

Tripto would make the pain go away, but he didn't have the faintest fucking idea where to find it. Besides, it was the cause of his problems, not the solution. If Jayden could just make it through this...Then what? Well Norman, then you put your life back together, piece by piece.

"I want coffee." he blurted out. "Let's go have coffee."

Madison stared at him like he'd gone mad, because it went against her unprofessional opinion as his unofficial fake nurse. However, his eyes were pleading and she reluctantly agreed.

Of course, coffee wasn't what he really wanted at that moment, but for now it would have to do.