Chapter 7
The doors to sickbay slid open and in walked Malcolm with Vicky. I looked into her eyes and she moved over to us. Trip stepped back and I hugged my roommate.
"I could've prevented it." I sobbed. "I could've stopped it, but I froze! I froze and now He's dead!"
"It's not your fault." I heard her say. "It's not your fault." Her voice was soft and comforting, but I could tell that she was just as upset as any of us, maybe even more so.
It was then Phlox allowed me to leave, which I was thankful for. I couldn't stand to be in that room any more. Trip tried to take me to the Mess Hall, but I wasn't in the mood to eat anything, so instead I just walked away from him and went to my quarters. As soon as I entered, my four year old Labrador, Cassie, greeted me, her tail wagging. But I moved away and just sat down on my bunk, grabbed my pillow and cried. She came up beside me and sat on the bed too, sensing that something was wrong. I put my arm around her as well. I was glad He had allowed me to bring her on board. I don't know what I would do if she weren't with me, she'd always been there when I needed her the most.
Trip wants me to say a few words at the funeral because I was the last person to see him alive, but I have no idea what I'm going to say. I wish I didn't have to, but I can't ignore a superior officer's order. What does someone say at a time like this? I don't know what it was that stalled me from shooting the Nausicaan, but something did. It should be me lying down in that corner with a sheet over me. I was supposed to be protecting Him, but I failed.
Everyone keeps coming round to see how I am and in some ways I'm glad to have the company, but other times I just want to be alone. My most frequent visitor has been Trip, he really does care about me, and I care about him. Captain Archer knew about our relationship long before we even realised it ourselves, a Captain's intuition I guess.
I've barely seen Vicky since it happened. She's been spending a lot of her time hidden away somewhere on the ship, away from the rest of the crew, and everyone knows better than to go off looking for her. It makes me wonder if she really has forgiven me, despite all the times she says she has, I just feel that she hasn't and is just saying it to make me feel better.